Monicro posted:

Champs Retain as does Monicro's wish for death

kw0134 posted:

Technically you have until 12:05AM 1/25 to pick before you're skipped, so yes you can pick tomorrow!

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

KILLER MIKE IN DESPAIR! A NEW DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE PRESENTS HIMSELF

A Table Covered With Campaign Flyers, Beacon Hill -- Quaker, a.k.a. tatankatonk, has made no secret of his support for Bernie Sanders, serving on the local committee in Akabira (admittedly a place with poor prospects for a get-out-the-vote drive), planting lawn signs, and taking to social media to register disbelief at the missteps of the Hillary campaign. His outrage at the current corruption of the political system has driven his team, the Killer Mikes, to total domination of the Punjabi Prison. This outrage has, somehow also, resulted in the injury of more than half of his players. This we are promised will be resolved when single-payer healthcare is a reality under a Sanders administration.

The Flying Dukaki, as an establishment candidate without the backing of either the grassroots, or the establishment, or anyone really, was to be another lackey of the elites* to be dispatched on the way to the nomination, and with a little luck, to the White House. So leaving behind Akabira to slay the pawn of backroom fatcats who controlled the process which disenfranchises all of America, the Mikes sought to win back the Democratic Party for the ordinary people, right in the heart of the proverbial smoke-filled chambers of the party machine.

Surely, this would be the day. The might of the Killer Mikes brought to bear on the decaying institutions holding us back from the Nordic socialism that is inevitable was in full display, getting an early jump in the 3rd. Bob Gibson simply stood no chance. Between a stretch of five straight hits, a wild pitch, and a plain ol' beanball to Jackie Robinson, as the last gasp of violence by an oppressive apparatus of the status quo against the tide of change, the Killer Mikes possessed a 6-1 lead. Who would believe that the Dukaki, heading into this series as a favorite to snag a Babe Ruth or Ty Cobb in the draft (and even at that, failing to do so, being a failure at failing at the worst moment) could possibly beat the best team in the Sub Par? Nonsense.

So the game continued apace, with the Dukaki being humored for a few runs, while the Mikes slapped them down for their insolence with more runs of their own. The bottom of the 9th should have been perfunctory. Even with Hoffman on the DL from an injury suffered from an unknown and unknowable cause, a 9-5 lead is technically not a save situation and any of the pitchers from the Killer Mike bullpen ought have put the woeful Dukaki out of their misery. Bill Sherdel was called in face the lefty Lou Brock, because you may as well get platoon advantage, and Sherdel was having a charmed season anyway. This seemed like where the story ends and the groundswell for change turned into a tidal wave.

But Brock got the single off. Then Lynn walked. Williams singled to score Brock. Okay, well, that's not a big deal. Sherdel watched as a centaur canter to the plate, and he must have instead saw red because he decided such a beast must not be suffered and beaned him. The bases loaded, Sherdel was shredded faster than a Senate bill for comprehensive tax reform. Torre walked on straight balls, Robinson hit a sac fly to allow Williams to tag up and score. The only reason this parade of hits -- or rather, bodyblows to the reform candidacy -- ended was because Delahanty's single put the winning run across home, ending the game abruptly before the full payment could be made by this disastrous inning.

"Yes, the campaign is turning around. Mind you, we're still polling at -2% of registered Democrats. We asked Quinnepac how they got that result, but they mentioned something about people screaming that they'd never vote for Mike [Dukakis] and then jumping out the window, resulting in a kind of double minus preference because they needed to poll more people to get the right sample size." Mooseontheloose scratched his head, perplexed at how the statistics adds up. "We'd hire our own polling group, but, uh, we're also kind of negative in the fundraising so far, somehow overdrawing on the checking account and now we owe bounced check fees to a few dozen banks.

"Anyway, I'm sure between picking up Pujols for the Latino vote, and our stunning victory over a Bernie Sanders proxy, we're gonna pick up momentum! Any day now." Mooseontheloose then dissolved into tears, using some poorly copied campaign literature as tissues. "Oh drat, this was the last of the bunch, what will I tell Mike? We can't even afford our Kinko's tab." It is expected that this display of ineptitude will cost Dukakis further support, possibly pushing him into the -5% territory.

Quaker was beside himself. "You see how the plutocrats rig the game against us? There was no conceivable way the 9th was a fair contest. There must have been some sort of high level conspiracy by the Establishment to ruin the One True Hope of our great Republic in shattering the grip of the banks over our economy and our lives. If Steagall-Glass was still in effect, and if Citizens United were overturned, we'd see transparency come back to the political process, and sanity to late game relief situations." When asked how or why this had anything to do with Bill Sherdel having an apparent mental breakdown on the mound, Quaker started yelling about Super PACs and how corporations aren't people.

For his part, Bill Sherdel was counting stacks of unmarked, non-sequential bills in his locker. "Oh, this? Some money I had set aside. I, uh, definitely keep them in paper bags that I innocuously leave next to unattended trash cans. Perfectly normal. They'll help pay for therapy over my nervous tic when I face mythical beasts of yore. That's definitely it, I have a fear of centaurs, that's why I hit A-Rod, not because it would blow the lead but my deep-seated phobias cause a loss of control. Yes."

Completely plausible! Not a conspiracy at all by Hillary Clinton 2016 and #Hillary2016 to sabotage her nearest rival. For more information about how this is a completely legit story, visit us at Hillaryclinton.com and on Facebook.

I'M NOT HILLARY CLINTON BUT SHE APPROVED THESE GAME NOTES NONETHELESS

- The Akabira pitchers were having trouble with control, with two wild pitches and two hit batters. Campaign discipline is a very important thing that cannot be neglected!

- Pujols had a good outing, with two hits, a homer and three RBI. And like his new team, he also had a K and TOOTBLAN'ed, so no unalloyed competence here.

- Bill Sherdel nearly tripled his ERA, and would have gotten worse were he pitching at home and didn't literally have a mercy finish to his dismal performance. Hero to goat in less than an inning's worth of work, that's efficiency!

- Ted Williams...is still bad. Sorry Moose.

- Brooks Robinson is still holding up, for now.

Frank Gaiman posted:

GENERICS GET OWNED

Rochester - Holy poo poo.

Say one thing for the Modern Bourgeois: say their modern players at least have the ability to hit homers. Add in a newly acquired Babe Ruth and this is a team that probably still won't win many games, but they'll certainly amuse you the same way the late 90s Cardinals did: with displays of circus strongman power to distract you from the terrible pitching.

But they'll be hard pressed to top today's performance.

Led by four home runs by Rafael Palmeiro, the Bourgeois crushed the Generics with TEN DIFFERENT HOME RUNS to the tune of 14-5. It shattered the previous record for homers in a nine inning game, and if it didn't we'll just attribute it to the Dinger Temple being a terrible abomination.

It didn't start well for Generics starter Don Newcombe, and it got worse from there. He got Babe Ruth (leading off? wtf) to ground to short to start the game, but Chris Davis crushed the next pitch over the right field fence to make it 1-0. Palmeiro hit his first of the game immediately after to make it 2-0. (Jose Video would add another run with an rbi single, but who cares?)

The assault continued in the second. Babe Ruth hit his first Bourgeois homer to make it 5-0, and Davis hit his second of the game immediately after to make it 6-0. To Newcombe's credit, he retired Palmeiro on a weak dribbler this inning, and that proved to be an almost superhuman feat on this day.

Newcombe looked like he might've righted the ship in the 3rd, finally pitching a scoreless inning, and the Generics mounted a comeback of sorts. Johnny Mize, who's been killing it this season, coaxed a bases loaded walk to make it 6-1, and that brought up Mel Ott. But Ott struck out and Yogi Berra popped up, and the Generics wouldn't come close to making it a game again.

As if to emphasize the point, Davis (#3), Palmeiro (#2), and Barry Bonds greeted Newcombe with back-to-back-to-back homers in the fourth, and suddenly it was 10-1. The Generics got a man to 3rd with only 1 out in the 4th, but they'd clearly waved the white flag. In a normal game, this would be the time to pinch hit, but kw0134 knew it wasn't his day. He left Newcombe in to take the at bat (he struck out) and aborb a beating (he did!)

In the sixth, Palmeiro homered again (#3) to make it 12-1. Finally, kw0134 had mercy on his starter and lifted him after the inning. Perhaps spirited by not having to watch Don Newcombe get murderized, the Generics clawed back a couple more runs to make it 12-3. But the punishment wasn't quite over as Palmeiro would hit his 4th home run of the day to make it 13-3. When the dust had settled, it was 14-5.

kw0134 was unavailable for comment after the game and was last seen in the fetal position, muttering something about "jesus christ well at least we're still in first place and when we're in a different league technically there won't be a record of our getting destroyed this badly."

kensei, on the other hand, sort of missed the point. "Ten home runs in a game? That's roughly what I'd expect Ichiro to do if ever he decided he wanted to hit home runs! That's a thing he can do, you know! He prefers to hit for a high average so he doesn't bother hitting homers. But he could if he wanted to! Ichiro can do anything!"

GAME NOTES

- Don Newcombe set a new Super-League and world record by allowing nine dingers! Amazing!

- Each of Palmeiro's homers was a solo shot. What a selfish rear end in a top hat.

- Shelby Miller got the save! Imagine this is me talking about this game.

- Mel Ott also hit a homer, his 20th of the season. Under other circumstances, that would be more notable.

Old McDonald posted:

NATURAL 20S WIN IN EXTRA INNINGS, NOBODY HAPPY

The Greater Columbus Convention Center - You know, I'm pretty sure I'm breaking the law by writing this recap in the first place. When all Natural 20s games are to be made without any TV crews or journalists, and for that matter without any audience whatsoever, I believe that any sort of reproduction of the game with any sort of potentially entertaining commentary would also be banned. Oh wait, I'm writing this recap, that means it has no chance of being entertaining, I just now got that! Well, we're all clear then.

This game between the Columbus Natural 20s and Centralia Mines was played at a theoretically pleasant 78 degrees, however, the number was just high enough to make you dress light but just low enough for the overcast skies and wind to make it unpleasantly cold. Of course, as a spectator, standing in the parking lot isn't pleasant to begin with. And it's a drat shame all spectators were forced to stand outside whenever a game goes on, attempting to string together the flow of the game from bat cracks and nothing much else, because EclecticTastes has made many... wonderful changes to the stadium interiors, as DivineCoffeeBinge and his Mines found out over the course of this series.

The first five half innings went by without as much as a glimpse of scoring potential, with runners reaching first twice and nothing else happening. In the mandatory fifteen minute breaks between half innings - designed to prevent any sort of excitement from occurring through frequent cool-down periods - the players of the Mines were able to see the great sights of the Natural 20s' stadium, such as their toilets, where every stall is out of order and there are paid employees that do nothing but stand next to you after you pick out a urinal, thus guaranteeing an awkward encounter every time.

In the bottom of the third, something actually interesting happened, as the Natural 20s put on the hit and run with a man on first for the third time this game, but instead of lining out like Ichiro or striking out like Votto, Nap Lajoie did Nap Lajoie things by hitting a single and moving Bob Feller into scoring position. Yes, Bob Feller got on base somehow. Rick Ferrell then hit a single to score Feller, and the 20s were on the board! They wouldn't do anything else that inning, but they were on the board! The team celebrated by using the next break to get some concessions at the concession stand, only to find that all the food was priced in such a way that you would somehow always end up with an amount that required pennies to pay, and none of the team members had any pennies on them because really, who the gently caress still carries around pennies in this day and age. As the stand insisted on not giving out any change, they returned to the game dejected and hungry.

The game would then turn to plinky-plonky small ball for the next few innings: Top of the fourth, Ted Williams, Jimmie Foxx and Carlton Fisk combine singles to score one run to tie things up. Top of the fifth, a Yount single, Phillippe sac bunt and Evans single scored another run to bring the Mines ahead, though Evans would then try to stretch his single into a double and got thrown out like a buffoon. EclecticTastes then had Evans brought to one of the several punishment rooms installed around the stadium, that particular one being a completely tiled room where all the tiles are just a slight bit misaligned everywhere. The fact that Evans was actually on the Mines did not seem to bother him, and DivineCoffeeBinge didn't want to interfere, lest he end up in a similar predicament, and Evans did kind of deserve it. In the sixth, excitement reached a theoretical fever pitch, as both teams would score runs, and in both cases, doubles were involved! DOUBLES! In the Mines' case, Foxx had a double, bringing Ted Williams to third, who would then score on a tag up from a Fisk flyout. In the 20s' case, Vern Stephens singled with the bases loaded for two RBIs, tying the game back up at 3-3. However, the 20s could not pile on, as Nap Lajoie did Nap Lajoie things by grounding into a double play to end the inning.

Then, the game went dead again - well, deader than a small-ball game in front of a crowd of exactly zero already is - as both teams would not score until the game went into extra innings. There were some pitching changes in there, the 20s went to Tom Glavine (as all relief pitchers had been fired, starters now take over relief duties) and Aroldis Chapman, the only reliever still allowed, whereas the Mines went to Al Holland. None of these pitchers had any problems dealing with the pitiful attempts at scoring brought forward. The only remotely interesting thing was that there was one particular gust of wind that kind of sounded like the cheering of the audience, after which the game was interrupted so that the stadium's roof could be brought up to ensure that would never happen again.

In the tenth inning, the Mines were still hopeless against Aroldis Chapman, with one flying out and two striking out. However, one of those was a pinch hitter for Al Holland, so the Mines had to bring a new pitcher in to pitch the bottom of the tenth. They went with... Leo Kiely. Leo Kiely... who the gently caress is Leo Kiely? Hang on, just a second... alright. Leo Kiely was a relief pitcher from the 50s. Well, he started out as a starter, but got turned into a reliever relatively quickly - I mean, he didn't play a lot of seasons to begin with, he lost two seasons to Korea, but even then he only pitched seven seasons and retired at 30, largely due to injury. He was born in Hoboken, that's interesting... anyway, getting off track. He's been stellar for the Mines so far for some reason. However, he would be facing his most fearsome foe yet, Chet Laabs. Chet Laabs... who the gently caress is Chet Laabs? Hang on a second again... OK, guess that's good enough. Laabs was an outfielder, mostly playing in the 40s for the Browns. Seems he was somewhat known for being a TTO batter before there really was such a thing, or at least Wikipedia made a point of mentioning that he "produced a strikeout, walk or home run every 3.48 plate appearances". Then again, it also makes a point of mentioning that he struck out five times in Bob Feller's then-record-setting 18 strikeout game, so who the gently caress knows. He only played four seasons of 100 or more games and was an above average hitter, so roster filler in the Super-League. He also hasn't been great for the Natural 20s.

So of course Laabs ran the count to 3-0 and then just crushed a walk-off one-run shot to deep left center to win it. Because really, there is no more anticlimactic way for a game to end than for some lovely player to randomly hit a one-run walk-off dinger - it just happens, and the game just ends before you can even process just what the gently caress happened there.

After the game, the owners of the teams went to the press conference room, even though there were no reporters present. However, as is Super-League law, even if there is nobody there to hear it, post-game interviews must be given. EclecticTastes was terse, simply bellowing "gently caress THIS loving TEAM AND gently caress WHOEVER MAY BE LISTENING" into the microphone and leaving. CraigK would have been proud. DivineCoffeeBinge was similarly short-winded, albeit less hostile: "You know, my team still has a winning record. How does my team have a winning record? I mean, we're never going to win the division, not with the Killer Mikes still around, but this display of... not-poo poo-ness, I guess, is surprising. I should just quit talking, I'll just ruin it."

He then leaned on the podium, which swiftly broke into pieces. DivineCoffeeBinge then fell through it, tumbling off the stage and crashing head-first into an empty steel chair. The podium was intentionally left in disrepair, just to maybe make the other owner's life miserable, and it seems that plan succeeded. Because god damnit, nobody's going to have any joy here.

GAME NOTES

- However, there is somebody that should be happy, and that's Chet Laabs. Not only did he hit the game-winning home run, but also went 4-for-5 on the day! Good job, Chet. Now don't let EclecticTastes find out that you're happy about that.

- Leo Kiely's ERA has jumped quite a bit this week, to a still surprisingly decent 2.96.

- Aroldis Chapman: Two innings, no hits, no walks, three strikeouts. All is good.

- Nap Lajoie got one hit and one walk on the day, but his average is still at .251, which is atrocious. With players doing things like Ichiro batting .244 and Schulte .195, this team has some massive run production problems.

- Chet Laabs.

Ice To Meet You posted:

Ice To Meet You posted:

Sub-Par League VI, Week 10: New Players, Same Results

Games of the Weak


Box Score

kensei posted:

Put Babe Ruth in RF, please make him the third batter in all lineups. Adjust lineups accordingly please.

Did my park changes go thru?

Let the sim pick my pitching for RJ.

Monicro posted:

Champs Retain as does my wish for death

GVOLTT posted:

Oh wow. The Colma Skeletons select Addie Joss '03. He instantly slots in as SP3, bumping Wilbur Wood to the minors (Ryan and Shocker each move down one slot). And here I thought I'd be the one selecting Dizzy Dean...

No other lineup changes.

EclecticTastes is up in the draft!