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I think its okay to just not like a certain sex act. I am a lady and not a fan of receiving oral. I think the problem for me is that I am submissive so the dynamic of just receiving is not my thing. I also have an oral fixation and am a visual person so laying there with nothing to do with my mouth/hands and nothing to see except the top of a dudes head is kinda boring. I can't really see how anything would make it more erotic. I let guys that are really into it eat me out but I'm just never going to like it. Your girlfriend might be like that too. Nothing wrong with having a glass of wine to relax first though.
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Feb 18, 2016 00:07
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Yeah, I think there's an important difference between "how can I help her relax and have a good time" vs. "what will make her more receptive to oral and therefore have more orgasms." It may not be intuitive, but those are completely different goals. If the goal is #1 then it's gonna be less pressure, being okay with whatever she's okay with, just creating a chill environment. You can certainly give compliments and reassure her, but the point should be about her feeling comfortable and doing what she wants.
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Feb 18, 2016 00:36
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i like nice words
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If she's a podcast listener savage love (I'm never going to stop recommending Dan Savage) would probably be helpful to listen to. I'm sure he's given advice to germaphobes. Alternately you could have her pee all over you, nothing to be afraid of getting on you if you're already covered in it.
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Feb 18, 2016 01:21
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Convergence posted:So she's now asking the ladies in the thread... how have you developed the ability to mentally and emotionally relax in the moment, if that was ever an issue for you? So, if I reliably wanted her to be able to enjoy oral, I would have to have her quit her job, win the Powerball, quit my job, pay for a pet sitter, hire a team of maids to clean 24/7, finance the livelihoods of her entire family tree, and live in the Caribbean on a different island each week.
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Feb 18, 2016 01:40
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Convergence posted:To be honest, we've spent 5 years having merely decent sex (admittedly lots of it, but I can count her orgasms on one hand)  Does she orgasm on her own or is this literally all she's getting? Does she have a good vibrator? I think if youre worried about getting her to climax from oral you might be putting the cart before the horse so to speak.
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Feb 18, 2016 02:27
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Convergence posted:So she's now asking the ladies in the thread... how have you developed the ability to mentally and emotionally relax in the moment, if that was ever an issue for you? It honestly does help to have a conversation and then have a couple of drinks (not shitfaced, more like a drink or two with dinner) before engaging in something that's not part of the standard sex routine after many years in a relationship. I've found that I have to be in the mood to direct oral in order to enjoy it. It's an act that's totally focused on me so I need a partner that's receptive to direction to be able to enjoy it. It absolutely helps if my partner has already demonstrated willingness to do whatever I request, take direction and be totally cool with it previously. I know me and I know that I will request things that I feel like I will enjoy more than I think my partner will enjoy when I've had a couple of drinks. The communication is good too. If you tell your girlfriend that you'd like to go down on her and you'd like her to tell you what she likes then I think you'll be okay. I think it will help if she knows what she enjoys solo. If she doesn't masturbate, then she may not know what she enjoys. I think it's probably not going to happen if she doesn't know what she like solo.
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Feb 18, 2016 03:10
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Convergence posted:But it seems to be really tough if you're a girl with a million-mile-an-hour mind like hers. I haven't, but alcohol helps, being sleepy (but not totally exhausted) helps. Blindfolds occasionally help but I think that's mostly in conjunction with other foreplay/building anticipation, which naturally gets things going better than just diving in headfirst. Oh, and don't mouth-breathe; cold tongues are the loving worst. Lowering inhibitions a little is good both because it helps keep my mind in the moment and because it makes it easier for me to give directions, which makes things more enjoyable. Oral while dead sober and wide awake has never really been enjoyable to me.
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Feb 18, 2016 03:23
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Ok, I can see this isnt the appropriate place for this discussion. Thanks to those who offered real input!
Convergence fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Feb 18, 2016 |
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Feb 18, 2016 07:12
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Convergence posted:Thanks for the, uh, assumption that I'm an idiot teenager trying to date rape my girlfriend, but communication is not the problem, and getting a little drunk is a very good way to take the edge of something uncomfortable initially. lmfao
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Feb 18, 2016 08:11
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Convergence posted:Yeah, ok, didn't want to get too much into this but it's not for a lack of trying on my end. I don't think she masturbates more than once every month or two- gets very frustrated and often cannot even by herself. She has not had any sexual partners other than me. Probably a bit repressed due to her insane family life as a kid. We're trying to see how much we can work together to stretch her comfort and sexuality, and I'm really hoping she's one of those late bloomers : )
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Feb 18, 2016 08:46
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Convergence posted:Ok, I can see this isnt the appropriate place for this discussion. Thanks to those who offered real input! "How do I fix my girl?" "She isn't broken." "gently caress this place!"
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Feb 18, 2016 17:20
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Now I'm left wondering if it's a token case of can't get my girl to cum, but damnit I need to cause orgasms for my sex life to be validated. Maybe convergence just needs to go read come as you are.
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Feb 18, 2016 19:23
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not sure if this is the right place for it, but here goes... do girls ever try to trick, dare, haze, or otherwise make each other go into- or possibly run through the boys locker room? i_am_not saying that the boys are trying to get someone to run through the girls locker room or anything like that, but am just wondering if this is something that the girls might be planning.
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Feb 18, 2016 20:12
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Grandmother of Five posted:not sure if this is the right place for it, but here goes... I feel like there is a lot of context missing from this question.
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Feb 18, 2016 22:04
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Jeherrin posted:I feel like there is a lot of context missing from this question. seems like a pretty clear referendum on South African politics
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Feb 18, 2016 22:36
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I'm sure that has happened at least once, in the full spectrum of time.
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Feb 18, 2016 22:46
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Travis343 posted:I'm sure that has happened at least once, in the full spectrum of time. So we're assuming the infinite universes theory is true, here?
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Feb 18, 2016 23:03
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Convergence posted:but now I'm really trying to put in the effort to make it much more enjoyable for her. get her a vibrator, maybe some g-spot toys or something. oral clearly isn't the answer here, maybe a hitachi or whatever variant is.
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Feb 18, 2016 23:26
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FROOOOOOOOG posted:get her a vibrator, maybe some g-spot toys or something. oral clearly isn't the answer here, maybe a hitachi or whatever variant is. Or just get her to run naked through the boys locker room?
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Feb 19, 2016 01:11
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Re: Convergence's friend, if she wants to have more orgasms, the most efficient way for her to start doing that is likely to be exploring what she likes solo. If she doesn't particularly care about having more orgasms, then keep on with what you've been doing. I do find that weed or a couple glasses of wine help me stay in the mood/keep my brain from going off on a tangent when I have been stressed out about something else. Let me recommend the book She Comes First if all else fails.
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Feb 19, 2016 03:37
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What is it with sex help books and bad puns?
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Feb 19, 2016 05:19
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KillHour posted:What is it with sex help books and bad puns? People, in general, feel awkward reading books about having better sex, and a joking title helps relax that tension.
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Feb 19, 2016 08:02
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hoobajoo posted:People, in general, feel awkward reading books about having better sex, and a joking title helps relax that tension. Alternatively, people feel awkward reading bad puns, and making it sexy helps relax the tension.
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Feb 19, 2016 10:39
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hoobajoo posted:People, in general, feel awkward reading books about having better sex, and a joking title helps relax that tension. And that relaxation is good for the butt stuff the book is recommending.
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Feb 19, 2016 19:18
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Condom question concerning store bought brands. Is there a middle ground between durex and Trojans? My girlfriend has a couple durex on hand but they're way too tight. I picked up some Trojans thinking they'd be a little bigger. I didn't expect a rubber bag drooping off my dick. Kinda new at this.
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Feb 20, 2016 16:29
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Arcsquad12 posted:Condom question concerning store bought brands. Is there a middle ground between durex and Trojans? My girlfriend has a couple durex on hand but they're way too tight. I picked up some Trojans thinking they'd be a little bigger. I didn't expect a rubber bag drooping off my dick. Kinda new at this. Unless you're buying the Trojan equivalent of a Magnum I find that surprising, because Durex are actually larger than Trojans. Anyway, just go to TheyFit.com and exploit the goon discount.
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Feb 20, 2016 19:51
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Jedit posted:Unless you're buying the Trojan equivalent of a Magnum I find that surprising, because Durex are actually larger than Trojans. Magnums are Trojan.
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Feb 20, 2016 22:10
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KillHour posted:Magnums are Trojan. Really? I thought they were a separate brand. I know I saw them in the UK years before I ever saw Trojans here.
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Feb 21, 2016 11:06
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KillHour posted:Magnums are Trojan.
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Feb 21, 2016 14:46
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ilkhan posted:Magnums are a line within Trojan. They have normal sizes too, afaik. Well, yes. That's what I meant. Obviously, Trojan doesn't just make condoms for big dicks.
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Feb 21, 2016 18:04
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What is wrong with you and your horsecocks? I'm big but I have no problem with normal condoms and here every other question is "my horsecock needs a bigger raincoat"
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Feb 21, 2016 18:19
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Affi posted:What is wrong with you and your horsecocks? I'm big but I have no problem with normal condoms and here every other question is "my horsecock needs a bigger raincoat" They're asked by people "new to sex" who think condoms should fit like a high school lunchlady's plastic gloves. "Hm this condom stretches to fit my dick must be that I have a TYRANNICAL GODZILLA COCK"
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Feb 21, 2016 21:36
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PRADA SLUT posted:They're asked by people "new to sex" who think condoms should fit like a high school lunchlady's plastic gloves. In this case it's he difference between "this condom is hanging off my dick like a plastic bag" and "this condom is literally constricting my dick". I'm looking for a middle ground, not ego stroking.
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Feb 21, 2016 22:07
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Arcsquad12 posted:In this case it's he difference between "this condom is hanging off my dick like a plastic bag" and "this condom is literally constricting my dick". I'm looking for a middle ground, not ego stroking. If Magnums are that loose, then the normal ones actually fit you okay and you're just discovering for yourself that condoms feel weird. Sorry.
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Feb 22, 2016 02:41
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True story. Condoms kinda suck until you get used to them. HIV, the clap, and kids suck on a much longer term. Get used to the idea.
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Feb 22, 2016 02:52
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Liquid Communism posted:True story. Condoms kinda suck until you get used to them. Kids don't suck if you plan on having them! Well alright yeah they do.
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Feb 22, 2016 04:24
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Is there such thing as social anxiety but just with sexual related things?
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Feb 22, 2016 06:25
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MOVIE MAJICK posted:Is there such thing as social anxiety but just with sexual related things? Yes, social phobias can be highly contextual or specific.
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Feb 22, 2016 06:33
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silvergoose posted:Kids don't suck Aatrek would disagree 
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Feb 22, 2016 12:39
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My girlfriend hasn't had sex with any men before me and is super self-conscious about it. She wants me to point out ways that she can "improve" at it and I'm like, I don't think sex is a skill. I don't think you just get "better" at it. How do I explain that properly? Because "no, really, I don't think there's anything for you to do differently to 'improve' and also it's two-person thing. it's not something you're supposed to just worry about on your own" is met with "well, just think about it more and find something for me to do better". Her stance is that to get better at something you have to think about what you did and how you could improve it. I think it seems like a weird way to approach sex but maybe I'm wrong? I think wanting to have more fun is a good thing, tbh, but I'm not convinced this is a good way to think about it. It just sounds odd to me.
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Mar 3, 2016 16:16
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