drunk thread 2k16: Oh that reminds me, I should delete my browser history

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > drunk thread 2k16: Oh that reminds me, I should delete my browser history

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Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

Here you go linked back to the source.

Shim posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 05:29

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 17:48

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

I think that's a perfect post to be at the top of the page.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 05:30

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

I also wish Aquatic Giraffe would come tell us how accurate the prediction has been so far.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 05:31

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

One of the best posts this forum has ever seen.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 05:36

Lazy Reservist: Nov 30, 2005; FUBIJAR

A bit late, but the best thing about the new Ghostbusters will be the SJWs bitching about how all the white women have some sort of STEM background and the only black woman is a token catcher.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 06:58

Professor Bling: Nov 12, 2008; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

It doesn't look great but I'll probably still go see it because the blond chick's character appears to tick all of my boxes as far as crazy+looks

# ? Mar 4, 2016 07:05

UP THE BUM NO BABY: Sep 1, 2011; by Hand Knit

So Keanu has been practicing for John Wick 2

# ? Mar 4, 2016 07:43

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

TheWhiteNightmare posted:

that post should be kept in the library of congress

It is. SA has been archived for preservation by the LoC.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 08:24

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

Pesticide20 posted:

So Keanu has been practicing for John Wick 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkFyGNjaQ8k

# ? Mar 4, 2016 08:43

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Pesticide20 posted:

So Keanu has been practicing for John Wick 2

Let's see if I can go to sleep with a thunderous erection.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 10:00

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Mr. Nice! posted:

Here you go linked back to the source.

yo n4i can you change the forum text to this entire post?

# ? Mar 4, 2016 10:09

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:

shim reposts are welcome, but dont gently caress up my thread talking about stupid admin poo poo

# ? Mar 4, 2016 15:03

US Berder Patrol: Jul 11, 2006; oorah

Pesticide20 posted:

So Keanu has been practicing for John Wick 2

i want to be cynical, but frankly this is pretty fuckin sick

# ? Mar 4, 2016 15:59

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

DownByTheWooter posted:

i want to be cynical, but frankly this is pretty fuckin sick

Keanu seems like a legit cool dude from everything I've seen and heard about him

# ? Mar 4, 2016 16:07

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

He's shooting 3 gun a lot better than most people do.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 16:11

The Rat: Aug 29, 2004; You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.

For real. Dude is workin' it. I do 3gun monthly and I'm not that fast.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 17:07

Whip Slagcheek: Sep 21, 2008; Finally
The Gasoline And Dynamite
Will Light The Sky
For The Night

I have a coworker that does 3gun professionally on his weekends, has sponsors that give him free poo poo and fly him around. Seems cool, too bad I don't really care about guns :shrug:

# ? Mar 4, 2016 18:33

beanieson: Sep 25, 2008; I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av

Whip Slagcheek posted:

I don't really care about guns

Un-American

# ? Mar 4, 2016 18:39

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

I just found my new shooting spot a few minutes from my house. Gotta find some kind of simple target though, I dont have a bunch of spare tvs and toilets like the locals.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 18:53

Dead Reckoning: Sep 13, 2011

Lazy Reservist posted:

A bit late, but the best thing about the new Ghostbusters will be the SJWs bitching about how all the white women have some sort of STEM background and the only black woman is a token catcher.

Admittedly it is a little hosed up that they're all highly intelligent, except for the black one, whose main contribution is sass, street smarts, and owning a Caddy.

Whip Slagcheek posted:

I have a coworker that does 3gun professionally on his weekends, has sponsors that give him free poo poo and fly him around. Seems cool, too bad I don't really care about guns

It's not as though golf or competitive bass fishing are any less dumb.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 18:54

Drav: Jul 23, 2002; We've come a long way since that day, and we will never look back at the faded silhouette.

The Rat posted:

For real. Dude is workin' it. I do 3gun monthly and I'm not that fast.

Looks like Taran Butler's place. You'd get fast quick training with that guy.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 19:15

Zeris: Apr 15, 2003; Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Some of these are kinda funny

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0ByJ4bXfDX4hZM3hwM1FUTXZMWFk/preview?pli=1

# ? Mar 4, 2016 19:21

Zeris: Apr 15, 2003; Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 19:57

Dead Reckoning: Sep 13, 2011

Drav posted:

Looks like Taran Butler's place. You'd get fast quick training with that guy.

The Youtube channel is "Taran Tactical," so probably a good guess.

Also, I've been catching up on the new season of Venture Bros, and holy poo poo:

# ? Mar 4, 2016 20:01

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

That's NY Post cover-worthy.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 20:03

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

http://vaughnlive.tv/dontgeteliminated

24/7 MXC stream

# ? Mar 4, 2016 20:13

vains: May 26, 2004; A Big Ten institution offering distance education catering to adult learners

Dead Reckoning posted:

Admittedly it is a little hosed up that they're all highly intelligent, except for the black one, whose main contribution is sass, street smarts, and owning a Caddy.

thats how it was in the original one except the guy didnt own a caddy.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 20:35

US Berder Patrol: Jul 11, 2006; oorah

progress by any means

# ? Mar 4, 2016 20:50

vains: May 26, 2004; A Big Ten institution offering distance education catering to adult learners

he could have owned a cadillac. the topic isnt addressed in the movie.

# ? Mar 4, 2016 21:19

CHICKEN SHOES: Oct 4, 2002; Slippery Tilde

cadillacs are gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarbage anyhow, ghostbusters is gonna be garbaaaaaaaage by the numbers loving hollywood remake. I don't know how anyone could look forward to it. Do people not remember robocop?

# ? Mar 4, 2016 21:21

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

cadillacs are gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarbage anyhow, ghostbusters is gonna be garbaaaaaaaage by the numbers loving hollywood remake. I don't know how anyone could look forward to it. Do people not remember robocop?

Yes it's a badass film by a crazy Dutchman involving robot jesus and it owned.

Bitches leave

# ? Mar 4, 2016 21:37