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Number Ten Cocks posted:I got a backrub once. 
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Mar 10, 2016 16:40
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That poo poo is only allowed if that dude is your battle buddy. Esit: when I finally got to piss it was like that scene off of Austin Powers. Observer was like "holy poo poo dude."
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Mar 10, 2016 16:58
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Soulex posted:That poo poo is only allowed if that dude is your battle buddy. I always just bring in a gatorade bottle. *edit* Pre filled.
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Mar 10, 2016 17:01
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One of my recent UAs was very by-the-book. He insisted I pull my shirt up under my armpits and drop my pants down to my ankles. It was uncomfortable.
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Mar 10, 2016 19:31
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I've taken a poo poo giving a piss sample before. That's uncomfortable
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Mar 10, 2016 20:16
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Soulex posted:I've taken a poo poo giving a piss sample before. That's uncomfortable That's the best way to do a urinalysis, imo. Make them watch you drop one. Did that more than once.
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Mar 10, 2016 20:17
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Gotta be like Raffie. Look them in the eyes or else I can't cum! Hey! Let's all get the same chick pregnant tonight!
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Mar 10, 2016 20:21
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When I was meat gazer I just handed the dude a cup, read a magazine and congratulated him on his pissmanship when he handed me the cup I had to sign
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Mar 10, 2016 20:23
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Booblord Zagats posted:meat gazer 
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Mar 10, 2016 20:29
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If you actually watch people pee you're automatically a lifer.
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Mar 10, 2016 20:32
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Soulex posted:I've taken a poo poo giving a piss sample before. That's uncomfortable I did that. Had a watery alky poo and I couldn't piss without making GBS threads my pants. The dude just asked to watch me drop my shorts then left me alone after half a second of seeing my junk.
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Mar 10, 2016 20:32
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If it had been up to me, Drug testing would have just been me making a bunch of lance's and pfcs raise their right hand and solemnly swear they weren't hosed up at work
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Mar 10, 2016 20:34
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Had a guy pull up a chair to the end of one of those trough urinals and watch 7 guys pee at a time.
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Mar 10, 2016 20:35
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My section was really small, but some how we ended had every single UPL from the company in our section. I never spent any time whatsoever with the company so I always got an NCO I had never met before to be my peter peeker when it was my turn to test so we always got to have fun. Some of my favorites techniques were pulling the bottom of my shirt up through the neck to make the t-shirt knot bra and then dropping my pants all the way to the floor, stripping completely naked to be more comfortable, and no matter what always trying to stare the observer directly in the eyes. When I had to observe I'd do the uncomfortable over the shoulder from behind while tapping my foot insistently. The purpose of an urinalysis is really to make it as uncomfortable as possible for all parties involved. There was one E5 in my company from another section who had to be approaching his RCP. That motherfucker was insanely dorky and by the book, but he would unintentionally make UA so uncomfortable for whoever he had to observe. He had huge coke bottle glasses and was the guy who'd kneel down inches from your dick to be sure that he'd see the urine leaving the body. He'd talk to the guy pissing the entire time and people would complain that they could feel his breath on their cocks. Most of the time he'd say poo poo like "think of a flowing waterfall" which I get, but sometimes you'd get weird poo poo like "just relax and pretend you are with a pretty girl"  Whenever soldiers would get him the game would be to try to hit the edge of the cup and splash back into his face. Overall some of the best times I had in the Army.
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Mar 10, 2016 20:51
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spacetoaster posted:Had a guy pull up a chair to the end of one of those trough urinals and watch 7 guys pee at a time. 10 bucks he listed it on his ncoer
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Mar 10, 2016 21:03
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Nostalgia4Butts posted:10 bucks he listed it on his ncoer Falls under performance.
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Mar 10, 2016 21:09
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Meritorious Meat Gazing Man
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Mar 10, 2016 21:34
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I am a human garbage but I figured if someone was on top of poo poo well enough to have some pee apparatus or something hidden and ready for a UA then they deserve to pass.
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Mar 10, 2016 21:49
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I haven't had someone look at my dick for a UA since MEPS, all the other time someone just stood in the corner of the bathroom while I pissed in at a urinal.
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Mar 10, 2016 21:51
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one time some guy was loving around with something though, I was all "what the gently caress could you possibly be doing" and he had a catheter for some medical reason. He said I could check his profile, but I figured I could take his word for it. If I was a good NCO, I would have demanded to see it, then asked him to remove his catheter for reasons
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Mar 10, 2016 21:53
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Our urine test involves peeing into a large cup. Then pouring the right amount of pee into a small bottle with a lid. Last year the dude in the stall next to mine dropped the large cup after filling it. I just walked out of the bathroom with my sample like nothing happened.
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Mar 10, 2016 22:24
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This course I'm in isn't bad but god drat am I tired of the death by powerpoint all day method of training. I've no poo poo probably seen thousands of pages of power point slides in the past year and change. Like 90% of the time the instructor just reads off the slides anyway, just email me the drat things and call it a day.
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Mar 11, 2016 04:01
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the only good thing about slides is when they have soldiers read off them and you come across some soldiers who can barely read or pronounce anything because they're idiots is always a treat
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Mar 11, 2016 04:03
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Our company had a platoon sergeant that they thought was retarded, but turned out he just had a 3rd grade reading level. Which, he was strangely proud of. "no child left behind hooah!" was his favourite catch cry.
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Mar 11, 2016 04:08
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and his name was Raymond Chandler
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Mar 11, 2016 04:09
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Speaking of useless pricks, I wonder what he is doing now. his only skill being slurping pole, so I assume it's related.
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Mar 11, 2016 04:21
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not caring here posted:Speaking of useless pricks, I wonder what he is doing now. his only skill being slurping pole, so I assume it's related.
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Mar 11, 2016 04:54
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sergeant major human being
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Mar 11, 2016 05:40
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Sergeant First Cock
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Mar 11, 2016 06:43
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Sergeant Chowdown
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Mar 11, 2016 07:12
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Geirskogul posted:Sergeant Chowdown you watch your loving mouth!
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Mar 11, 2016 07:26
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Mustang posted:This course I'm in isn't bad but god drat am I tired of the death by powerpoint all day method of training. I've no poo poo probably seen thousands of pages of power point slides in the past year and change. Like 90% of the time the instructor just reads off the slides anyway, just email me the drat things and call it a day. Welcome to being an officer
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Mar 11, 2016 10:50
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Soulex posted:Welcome to being an officer It doesn't stop. It never stops 
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Mar 11, 2016 13:35
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Icon Of Sin posted:It doesn't stop. It never stops Yes it does 
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Mar 11, 2016 13:39
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I probably developed some of your basic medical training if you're taking courses released this FY. Sorry! We're pushing hard for video based interactive training but lmao at getting that happening before like 2020.
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Mar 11, 2016 13:59
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Vasudus posted:I probably developed some of your basic medical training if you're taking courses released this FY. Sorry! give me a call if you need some actors for the CPR portion.
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Mar 11, 2016 17:12
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:Yes it does
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Mar 11, 2016 18:17
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I pooped in an German WWII bunker yesterday. It felt good, I'm now haunted by German ghosts for the rest of my life. That's my army making GBS threads story goodbye.
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Mar 11, 2016 19:11
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MurderBot posted:give me a call if you need some actors for the CPR portion.  I've always wanted to see how long it took to turn someone's ribcage into crunchy jello!
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Mar 11, 2016 21:26
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Can someone at fort hood tell me if the rent to own grillz (for your teeth) and rim rental places still exist thanks
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Mar 11, 2016 21:27
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