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Bojanglesworth posted:I do feel like we are being hard on him at times, but to me it seems like we need to be teaching him something instead of just playing all day and learning nothing. He is a ton of fun and has common sense, I just feel like a poo poo dad if we are just loving off all day. Does that make sense? Yeah, I understand because I am a stay-at-home mom and I feel sometimes like we are wasting our time together. But then we laugh and play and explore the backyard and let her get messy and...just be a kid. The kids will pick it up. My 4-year old didn't even know how to properly hold a pencil (he's a lefty and I had no idea how to help him) until a few months before TK and now, a year later, he's reading books and writing sentances. They are sponges, they will learn, you guys just need to relax a bit.
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Mar 29, 2016 01:11
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Kids pick up so much from playing though. A kid's job is pretty much to play and do their own little experiments and explore the world and learn. Holding a flashcard and being quizzed like he's cramming for the SAT's is probably going to diminish a three year olds interest in learning whatever you are trying to teach him pretty much immediately.
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Mar 29, 2016 01:19
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sheri posted:Kids pick up so much from playing though. A kid's job is pretty much to play and do their own little experiments and explore the world and learn. Holding a flashcard and being quizzed like he's cramming for the SAT's is probably going to diminish a three year olds interest in learning whatever you are trying to teach him pretty much immediately. I agree with this. Why not set up something like the Montessori room where they can choose their activity and have the options be something fun which also encourages development of critical thinking? They have plenty of time to learn the alphabet. Learning to learn and explore to understand the world is an important foundation to build. I can tell you that as his brain develops, learning the alphabet a few months earlier won't make a difference because he'll catch up fast when he's ready to.
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Mar 29, 2016 01:34
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Learning can be fun! I might be a bit bias because I teach a class specifically about "serious games" which includes edutainment games. We get into learning theories and how the brain works. We love to play flashcard games with him. We started easy when he was 2 with a subject matter he liked (animals). We'd lay out 3 or 4 cards and ask him to point out the "cow", etc. If he got it right he got a chocolate chip! If he got it wrong we told him to try again. One of the biggest keys is only doing it for as long as it stays fun. Even if this means doing it for a minute or two. He's 3 (born in November) and now he does flash cards with shapes, letters, etc. We're doing what letters sound like now. We've been doing it long enough that we don't need to do the treat reinforcement, but we can still only do it for a few minutes at a time. It can be challenging to keep an experience like that positive and not get frustrated with a toddler. The moment it stops being fun, its ok and the game goes away until later. You should find something your kid is interested in and use that as an "in" to teach him stuff. We're not all academics (honestly the flash card game gets played a couple times a week for a couple minutes), we try to incorporate learning into every day life with practical lessons. If we're at the park he likes to run up to signs and tell me what a couple of the letters are, if we're doing anything we count together anything that can be counted. Learning has to be a positive experience and sort of approaching it with a Constructivism philosophy of learning in my opinion works well for really little kids and keeps their attention better.
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Mar 29, 2016 02:18
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sheri posted:Kids pick up so much from playing though. A kid's job is pretty much to play and do their own little experiments and explore the world and learn. Holding a flashcard and being quizzed like he's cramming for the SAT's is probably going to diminish a three year olds interest in learning whatever you are trying to teach him pretty much immediately. So much this. Play with your son & you'd be amazed what he'll pick up. My son has learned letters because we point them out in books, on signs, on tv shows, etc. I'm not going to to start grilling him & getting upset when he can't identify a certain letter. Melissa & Doug have some fun letter puzzles that encourage learning while your child plays.
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Mar 29, 2016 04:06
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Bojanglesworth posted:The "issue" of 3.5 year old not being able to retain information has nothing at all to do with our other child. Call me crazy, but I feel like he should be able to recall a single letter or single number throughout one day. I don't want to be hard on him, but I also don't want him to fall behind because he doesn't know any of these things. My lady spent the day today going over the letter A, having him trace it on paper,, point to it and say what letter it is, flash cards, then we walk into the living room and show him a different letter flash card and he just says A. Show him the A again and nothing. Personal opinion, of course, so not worth much, but... This sounds really weird to me. Flash card drilling for a 3 year old? I understand that you don't want him to fall beyond, but there's so many more useful things than 'the letter A" you could be spending that time teaching... at that age it seems to me like you want to be spending as much time as possible encouraging the development of successful behaviours and effective learning tools rather than worrying about forcing specific pieces of content knowledge, focus on those fundamentals. Is this the same way you handled things for your six year old and it worked for you? Uh, in terms of specific advice, are you including songs and signing in your attempts? Are you reading to him regularly? Are you letting him try to read to you, or taking turns reading? Are you playing letter matching games? Not as any form of drill but as casual play. Basically, are you giving him a reason to want to learn these letters, something they want to participate in but can't unless they know them? GlyphGryph fucked around with this message at 13:00 on Mar 29, 2016 |
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Mar 29, 2016 04:38
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A month or two ago I crowed about how we'd gotten our then 5 month year old to sleep nearly 12 hours a night. From 7-8pm through 6am. Life was glorious! Then we did something terrible: We took a trip from the east coast to the west coast. Besides waking him up on departure at 3am to go to the airport and not arriving back to our house on the return flight until 1am, that week he also came down with a nasty cold (which he passed to me and my wife) and mild ear infection. Needless to say, the schedule was gone. We're back nearly a month and his schedule isn't any closer to getting back to that previous "normal". Usually it's two wakeups a night, sometimes only one. The constant one is around 3am. It's also affecting his wakeup feeding. Normally he's good for 5-6 oz at a time. When he was down with the schedule, he's mow down 8oz at 6am. Now with his additional feedings, it's between 3-4 oz. Selfishly, I'd rather him sleep through 3am and go back to being ravenous when he wakes up. I wouldn't say that I'm upset or distraught that he's not getting back to the desired schedule but I am motivated to retrain him and am somewhat at a loss as to how to make it happen again. At 6 months, I'm not on board with not feeding him after 5 minutes of crying. From the following link I came across this suggestion: quote:Alternatively, you can use a sequence of progressive steps, which might include offering him diluted formula or breast milk for a few nights and then gradually replacing it with water. He may not find it as appealing as milk, and, subsequently, won't cry for it.
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Mar 29, 2016 14:48
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GlyphGryph posted:Is this the same way you handled things for your six year old and it worked for you? If this is the case, consider moving the flashcard stuff to the evenings and make it a game, maybe by being in two "teams", you and your partner vs the two kids. The three-year-old will see his stepbrother playing, and be motivated; the six-year-old can help his stepbrother, which is good for learning in general; and you won't feel like you have to teach a certain number of important skills per hour.
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Mar 29, 2016 14:53
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Cheesus posted:
Do not do this. You really aren't supposed to give a baby that young water. I don't have any other advice other than I think you were lucky to have a 5 month old sleep through the night. Ours didn't reliably until she was 8 months. So maybe you're just back on a normal schedule now  .
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Mar 29, 2016 14:57
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My almost 3 year old learned his letters at like a year old through play, like most things. Obviously at that young he didn't have the concept of letters down and it was just memorization, but it was a foundation. We have magnetic letters/numbers on the fridge, and before he could walk he'd grab a letter, crawl or roll in his walker over to me at the kitchen table and I'd tell him the letter, what it sounds like, and something that starts with that letter. This was also a GREAT way for me to be able to sit and finish my coffee, so win/win! He's also got those foam letters for the bathtub that stick to the wall. So much stuff gets learned almost accidentally/incidentally--maybe take a step back and let the kid be a kid and learn through play.
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Mar 29, 2016 15:20
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Flash cards are stupid. Sing songs with your child, point out letters in the environment and in books. Count things that they're playing with or stairs or cars. Let the kid play. Why does it even matter whether or not a 3 year old can identify the letter A?
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Mar 29, 2016 20:40
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BonoMan posted:Do not do this. You really aren't supposed to give a baby that young water. My almost 2 year old doesn't even reliably sleep through. To be honest two wake ups a night for a 6 month old sounds like a pretty good deal.
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Mar 29, 2016 20:52
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kells posted:Flash cards are stupid. I don't think it matters either, but I also think people are over reacting about the flash cards as it seemed they gave him a flash card with the letter on it because it was handy to walk around with and not necessarily that they were running flash card drills.
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Mar 29, 2016 21:14
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"For example, we tried to teach him the number 3 all day one day, I made him carry around the flashcard for six hours with just a single number 3 on it, asking him every few minutes what number he is holding in his hand" That seems like flashcard drills and not fun carrying around a card.
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Mar 29, 2016 21:37
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sheri posted:"For example, we tried to teach him the number 3 all day one day, I made him carry around the flashcard for six hours with just a single number 3 on it, asking him every few minutes what number he is holding in his hand" Definitely doesn't sound like fun - I also missed the "asking him every few minutes."
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Mar 29, 2016 22:05
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sheri posted:"For example, we tried to teach him the number 3 all day one day, I made him carry around the flashcard for six hours with just a single number 3 on it, asking him every few minutes what number he is holding in his hand" Yeah, that sounds like the kind of thing that would've made my 3 year old stop answering or answering wrong just to see us get upset. He'd do that with animal sounds, he learned the very young and when it was just us we'd go "how does the cat go?" "meow..", "hows does the dog go?" "woof woof", etc. But when other people were around and we'd try to show how he knew them he'd just grin and say "meow" for every animal.
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Mar 29, 2016 22:27
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My son is 3 and a couple of months, and he doesn't know the alphabet yet, and I really don't see that as a problem. He's starting a Montessori preschool soon, so I'm sure he'll start to pick things up there - but it's honestly not something I worry about. Your step-son isn't going to 'fall behind', and he definitely isn't going to learn anything meaningful by being drilled on letters and numbers on flashcards. Why don't you try some phonics with him? Look up some songs and games and sing them with him. My son doesn't know the alphabet, but he knows lots of songs off by heart and it's amazing how fast he picks them up. I understand you're doing it because you want the best for him, but ease off a little and you'll probably find your relationship with him will improve.
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Mar 30, 2016 14:31
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Alright guys, seems like the consensus is that I'm a huge jerk. To me it seemed that a kid who is three years old should know at least SOMETHING other than random characters from tv. Before I came around he had never been in any type of learning environment, just parked in front of a tv by his babysitter while my girl worked all the time, and couldn't tell you what color the grass or sky was, much less anything else. I think calling them "flash card drills" is a little extreme; I said he carried around a card and I asked him every few minutes what number it is. That's one number on one card. But hey, it's been proven already that I don't know what I'm talking about hahaha
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Mar 30, 2016 16:59
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It sounds like the problem is more of a lack of stimulation and interaction, which isn't solved by flash cards. We humans are hard wired to learn by interacting with our environment at a young age, and it's not really until we're older (like 7 or so) that we begin to truly understand how abstract concepts like written language and math work. Until then, we learn by taking these concepts and relating them to concrete things we've experienced. So you can't teach a preschool kid by drilling him with a flash card, it has to come organically through his other experiences. So you play with your kid, say building with blocks, and you count out the blocks. Tell the kid "let's stack up three blocks" then demonstrate as you count out one, two, three, and let the kid follow. Same thing with colors, you can tell a kid "this is blue, let's find the blue blocks" and they learn colors that way. Not by looking at a card with a bluebird and the word "blue". This isn't something you can just do in a sitting, it's a long involved process that happens everywhere and every time you're with the kid. Go out driving, and point out the colors of the cars. Shopping, count out the apples you put into the bag. Et cetera. Basically, teaching a preschooler by methods that adults or school age children use is doomed to fail. If you want the kid to learn, then just interact with him as a kid, let him follow his own interests, and give teaching moments throughout. That's basically the Montessori method in a nutshell anyway, which is pretty well supported by child psychology theories. No one, not even adults, are going to truly learn and integrate information if it's not interesting to them, and flash cards are the least interesting thing for a 3 year old.
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Mar 30, 2016 17:32
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No one is saying you're a jerk, just that the approach you're describing, while understandable, doesn't seem to be in line with the goals you want to achieve. It honestly doesn't sound like his problem is specifically the remember, any more than the discipline problems you've described are a moral failing. It just sounds like he's not playing along, because the motivations don't align, and there are other strategies you could be following that would contribute to his success but still have aligned motivations. I mean you're original post was about how being a step parent is hard, and it is, and that you were feeling like you were constantly disciplining and correcting him. Being a step-parent is hard. You asked for advice, people are trying to do their best to give it. GlyphGryph fucked around with this message at 17:39 on Mar 30, 2016 |
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Mar 30, 2016 17:34
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 Interestingly enough, what we think of as color is based on the society we live in. Its not as concrete as people think it is. Different cultures see color differently!
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Mar 30, 2016 17:49
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There's a fascinating experiment about colour categorisation differences that are to do with linguistics and culture, if anyone's interested in that sort of thing! Skip to around 5 minutes in if you're impatient.
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Mar 30, 2016 18:27
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We all get defensive about our parenting styles. But when you reach out for advice, you should expect some people's opinions to differ from yours. Maybe take a step back, take a look at the situation from a different perspective, and change what you are doing a bit. If you already know something isn't working, what's the big deal in trying something new? You will be fine. The kids will be fine. Your partner will be fine. Love, attention, adventure and care will all help your kids bloom.
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Mar 30, 2016 18:46
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Marchegiana posted:It sounds like the problem is more of a lack of stimulation and interaction, which isn't solved by flash cards. We humans are hard wired to learn by interacting with our environment at a young age, and it's not really until we're older (like 7 or so) that we begin to truly understand how abstract concepts like written language and math work. Until then, we learn by taking these concepts and relating them to concrete things we've experienced. So you can't teach a preschool kid by drilling him with a flash card, it has to come organically through his other experiences. So you play with your kid, say building with blocks, and you count out the blocks. Tell the kid "let's stack up three blocks" then demonstrate as you count out one, two, three, and let the kid follow. Same thing with colors, you can tell a kid "this is blue, let's find the blue blocks" and they learn colors that way. Not by looking at a card with a bluebird and the word "blue". This isn't something you can just do in a sitting, it's a long involved process that happens everywhere and every time you're with the kid. Go out driving, and point out the colors of the cars. Shopping, count out the apples you put into the bag. Et cetera. GlyphGryph posted:No one is saying you're a jerk, just that the approach you're describing, while understandable, doesn't seem to be in line with the goals you want to achieve. It honestly doesn't sound like his problem is specifically the remember, any more than the discipline problems you've described are a moral failing. It just sounds like he's not playing along, because the motivations don't align, and there are other strategies you could be following that would contribute to his success but still have aligned motivations. Alright, I can see what you guys are saying now. Its just tough for me to sit there and see that he doesn't know certain things and not try to "teach" them to him. We definitely point a lot of things out while in the car, grocery store etc, but after a while of none of these things sticking it seemed like it would be a good idea to try something else. My concern is that if in the last year he hasn't be able to pick up the day to day things that we have been doing, if we don't try something else then we are just letting him get behind. Not behind necessarily, but not ahead maybe? Do you have any suggestions of other strategies we could try?
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Mar 30, 2016 18:47
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Bojanglesworth posted:if we don't try something else then we are just letting him get behind. Not behind necessarily, but not ahead maybe? Unless you live in an extremely competitive part of China or something, your kid isn't going to be "not ahead" by not knowing his letters and numbers by age three. Being parked infront of a TV all day is not good at all, you're absolutely right there. But just talking with the kid and engaging him in everything you're doing throughout the day is going to teach him so much more than the exam studying method you seem to have been employing, that's just going to cause frustration all around. Getting him into a preschool is going to make such a big difference, just you wait. My daughter (2.5 years, she's been in kindergarten since she was 1) learns SO MUCH just from being in an environment where there are a bunch of other kids (crucially - older kids) doing advanced stuff. She comes home from kindergarten now and teaches us songs she's learned there  We've just started teaching her letters at home, but just through writing and spelling out our names while drawing, and asking if she can spot "her" letter on signs and in random places while we're out and about. She'll ask us to "write me, mum, write me! And now write you!" And then we write her name and ours on pieces of paper, or on the mirror after breathing fog onto it, or in the dirt with a stick Kids love learning, and it's so great that you want to be an active part of that, but I think a three year old is simply too young for the methods you've been using and the expectations you have.
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Mar 30, 2016 20:12
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Bojanglesworth posted:My concern is that if in the last year he hasn't be able to pick up the day to day things that we have been doing, if we don't try something else then we are just letting him get behind. Not behind necessarily, but not ahead maybe? The #1 strategy for teaching children is through play. Take his interests and integrate mathematical or English concepts. Count things that he likes, talk about what colours his favourite TV characters wear. Talk to him about life. I don't know what school is like over there but here in Australia they teach kids the alphabet and how to write and how to count etc. The most important factors for school readiness are not being able to recite the alphabet or count to 10, they're the emotional and social factors (being able to sit and listen, follow directions, get along with peers).
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Mar 30, 2016 21:28
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In our family, #2 son got started on letters and numbers waaaay earlier than #1, and #3 appears to be following a similar curve as #2. We haven't pushed any of them on this but have made resources available; #1 knew all the letters before he was 5 and properly cracked the reading code within three weeks of starting first grade (which is at age six here); #2 taught himself to read while #1 was still in first grade, at age three and a half. Just being around older and more advanced kids, especially siblings, seems to have a major effect.
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Mar 30, 2016 21:33
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I spent a lot of time with my first (I'm a stay-at-home mom) reading lots of books, engaging him in activities he responded to, etc. We didn't do a lot of art or writing, he's a lefty and I had no idea how to teach him to hold a pencil so he learned that in school. BUT he didn't learn that until 4-years old and now he's writing sentences and stuff at 5. So, he was "behind" but picked it up very quickly. My middle child is 3, and we assumed she would absorb stuff like her brother. But, she just doesn't engage the world the same way. My oldest is very analytical and intellectually curious, while my middle child is kind of feral. She is imaginative in a way he never was at that age, spending time alone with toys and dolls making grand adventures and talking to her toys and really in her own world. She is also very scatterbrained, her language skills still need work (she doesn't enunciate her words, but she's getting better over time) and she has barely begun to register stuff like colors and numbers, but I am confident that over the next year or so she will learn, in her own way. And if she doesn't, well that's what school is for! They have Transitional Kindergarten here in California, it's like free preschool at the elementary schools, and all my son has been learning all year is letter and numbers and very very very basic stuff. I have complete confidence that if she doesn't have it down by TK, she will get it then. Kids are different. Maybe your youngest child just wants to engage the world in a different way. You can go to the park and count how many swings are on the swingset. You can count the pieces of apple you snack on. You can ask him to grab a red shirt to wear, and if he brings the wrong one you go back and swap it for a red one and talk about the color differences between the shirts. Kids are sponges, they absorb stuff, and even if it looks like they aren't paying attention or giving a poo poo, they very well may be sucking it all up. Sing the alphabet song every day before bed and then maybe read along with a written alphabet. Seriously, you will never get this time again. Let him be a baby! Let him be a clumsy, goofy kid for as long as he can be, he'll be in school for the rest of his childhood. It's not a race. No one is winning the education game. He's 3.
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Mar 31, 2016 04:58
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Anyone have tips for moving with a two year old? We've been in our new place about two weeks and he still asks to go back to the old house. He says he "doesn't fit in the new house" which I don't quite understand. This morning we think he was sleep walking. Yesterday he insisted that we don't live here and that "The man lives here." Its like the start of every creepy horror movie. On top of that he's having some pretty serious separation anxiety around bed time and also is suddenly afraid of the dark. Obviously he's nervous about it and I've tried what I can think of to keep the new house as similar to the old house as possible. Same routines and stuff. We've showed him around the house to make sure he knows where everything is. Is there anything I can do specifically to help him feel comfortable in the new house that as an adult I might not think of? Doorknob Slobber fucked around with this message at 05:31 on Mar 31, 2016 |
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Mar 31, 2016 05:27
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Reason posted:Anyone have tips for moving with a two year old? We've been in our new place about two weeks and he still asks to go back to the old house. He says he "doesn't fit in the new house" which I don't quite understand. This morning we think he was sleep walking. Yesterday he insisted that we don't live here and that "The man lives here." Its like the start of every creepy horror movie. On top of that he's having some pretty serious separation anxiety around bed time and also is suddenly afraid of the dark. My older son turned three the day before we moved and he got a big kick out of picking out new sheets/blankets for his bed and those wall decals to match. It made him feel like his own room.
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Mar 31, 2016 05:34
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Unfortunately most of my advice consists of stuff do to before a move; I guess for future reference we made a big point to act excited about moving, involve him in packing things up, and took him to see the new apartment a couple times and let him run around it empty so that he was accustomed to the idea. I agree with the above though, letting him do some stuff to personalize his space might help -- our son picked out new decals for his room and put those up, and we also involved him in deciding where furniture went and things. Trying to make things familiar in terms of routine is good, but you can also look to find ways to make the new place seem better/exciting to him. Like we moved from a 2nd floor unit the first floor, and we made a big deal about how much easier it was not to have to carry everything upstairs.
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Mar 31, 2016 14:30
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Keep questioning on the doesn't fit comment. If you can figure out what it is that is bothering him, then you can help him. I would also acknowledge and name his feelings. You loved our old house. It sounds like you miss it a lot. You can talk about how it takes time to get used to new houses. It may help to draw a picture of the old house to hang in his room or send letters to friends he misses if you moved towns. As for the readiness discussion. The developmentally normal range for learning to read is between ages 3-8 with most kids learning to read at age 5-6. In early childhood, children learn best through play. To add to the other great suggestions, I really love the fridge phonics toy by leap frog. It's the only electronic toy we have willingly gotten. Our almost 2 year old has had it since about 8 months old and still loves it. It is great because you can just let them play with the letters and sing along with the songs and you can name them as you play. You can also spell words with the letters. I like to pair it with animal magnets (melissa and doug have a great set) and sometimes we spell the names of the animals. Mostly, it is just him playing around with it. He has picked up quite a few letters and sounds just playing with this toy. As he gets older we can use it to work on word building. The best way to support your child's development is with opened-ended toys. I'm a big fan of Melissa and Doug toys. One thing I love is that they always have extension ideas for parents on the packaging that tell you ways to incorporate learning into your child's play. This is great if you aren't sure what to do. Another thing I suggest is making sure you have materials available to support different areas of development. We have a little kid desk that has paper, stickers, stamp markers, crayons and a pencil for writing. Letter stamps are a great way to start playing with letters and develop fine motor skills for writing. For math skills, a dollar store muffin tray and some small toys with different features (color, size, etc.) is great as are blocks, beads, and shape sorters. A tub of water and some measuring cups and other toys builds math and science skills. As far as tv goes, I would suggest harnessing it for good. Make sure he's only watching high-quality programs. All of the shows on PBS have some educational component and are quite enjoyable for the little ones. The PBS kids app and website is great and free and lets your kid choose from lots of shows that are all going to be beneficial for your child. We used to just watch Daniel Tiger and Peg + Cat, but now he's branching out. He's recently started seeking out shows that teach reading including Super Why and Word World. I'm also a fan of episodes of Bear in the Big Blue House (teaches social skills) and Between the Lions (teaches phonics/reading) on youtube. They are older shows by Jim Henson Company that hold up well.
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Mar 31, 2016 20:46
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Argh, why has my one year old started biting me. Why does he only bite me - or at least, why does he only bite while in proximity to me (when he is near me, he will also bite nearby things like chairs, tables, bean bags). What can I do to get him to stop biting me. It's bad enough he has barely been sleeping at night for the last two weeks and only wants me to comfort him, not mom, now he's got to throw random bites in while I'm holding him? Children are the worst.
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Apr 1, 2016 03:58
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Have you tried not being so tasty? (Seriously though I don't know. My 1 year old bites everything when teeth are coming through) Big Bug Hug fucked around with this message at 13:07 on Apr 1, 2016 |
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Apr 1, 2016 13:04
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Tom Swift Jr. posted:Keep questioning on the doesn't fit comment. If you can figure out what it is that is bothering him, then you can help him. I would also acknowledge and name his feelings. You loved our old house. It sounds like you miss it a lot. You can talk about how it takes time to get used to new houses. It may help to draw a picture of the old house to hang in his room or send letters to friends he misses if you moved towns. Thanks everybody for the suggestions. Really like drawing picture of the old house. We actually moved closer to his best friend, but when we went on walks before there were a lot of animal friends he liked, horses and dogs that he new the names of and stuff. He really misses those animals a lot and that sucks. We took the time to say bye bye to them, but I like the idea of drawing pictures of them and the old place. We do the naming/acknowledging thing with feelings. Trying to figure out what he means by doesn't fit is a dead end as far as I can tell, unless he actually means he feels like he's too small for it, we moved into a somewhat larger space with higher ceilings and stuff GlyphGryph posted:Argh, why has my one year old started biting me. Why does he only bite me - or at least, why does he only bite while in proximity to me (when he is near me, he will also bite nearby things like chairs, tables, bean bags). What can I do to get him to stop biting me. We had some serious biting issues from around 1 to 2. Not really sure what to do to stop it. We tried the whole asking him if he was feeling angry and trying to redirect that anger into something else stuff, but it never seemed to accomplish much, at least not immediately. He's mostly stopped biting now, but it took a while for him to get over it.
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Apr 2, 2016 00:15
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We plan on taking a trip overseas in a couple of months with our 4-year-old and 21-month old. The 4-year-old has had a history of being independent and running off on her own a bit. For instance, on a recent trip, she figured out how to open the hotel door while my mother-in-law was taking a shower in the morning, and made her way down to the hotel lobby for breakfast. Said mother-in-law was apparently discussing this event with one of her friends, and found out about Tile and suggested possibly getting some for the overseas trip, to pin to the kids' clothes somehow. Has anyone had any experience with this sort of thing? Any advice/suggestions/words of caution?
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Apr 3, 2016 20:58
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My friends are foster parents. They've had this one little boy since he was 3 days old, and he'll be 1 in a couple weeks. We go for walks and play with him a couple times a week. It was looking very much like they were going to adopt him, but an aunt and uncle came forward and are taking custody of him. He went to his biological family this morning. My friends obviously know that this is the desired outcome of fostering, but they've never had a child for this long... you can't NOT get attached. Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to cover it. All I can think of is this little boy who won't understand what's going on and is going to wonder where mom and dad are and when they're coming back. He'll adjust and be fine I'm sure, and so will my friends, and the fact that the aunt and uncle wanted to go through the whole process with DHS to be able to take custody speaks a lot of them. I hope his transition is smooth. I'm also sad for us, and my son--we keep meeting cool moms/kids through the Y or storytime, and 4 of them have moved away! (They all go to Portland, it's like a conspiracy.) My son asked today if we could go play with the little boy and I explained to him that Little Boy has moved, and will be living with his aunt and uncle far away. I was crying, which of course upset him, but I told him it's okay, I'm just sad because I'll miss the boy but it's a happy thing for him. UGH. Heartbreaking. This is why I could never foster. I'd be on the next plane to Mongolia with the kid if I was in their shoes. They're very brave and strong and I'm grateful kids in need have people like them.
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Apr 4, 2016 16:36
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sudont posted:My friends are foster parents. They've had this one little boy since he was 3 days old, and he'll be 1 in a couple weeks. We go for walks and play with him a couple times a week. It was looking very much like they were going to adopt him, but an aunt and uncle came forward and are taking custody of him. He went to his biological family this morning. I am a foster parent. My family has taken in a few children over the past few years, our second placement was supposed to stay for 8 days. We are in the final stages of adopting him. The number one thing they drill into your head in training is "family reunification" which means every effort will be made to place the foster child with their biological family. And in becoming a foster parent your number one goal is to provide a safe haven for a child in need until the day you either adopt him legally into your family or return him to his family. It is a precarious, emotionally rocky job to take on which is why so few people do it and the number of available foster homes are falling rapidly. When you think about it, that simply means a child in need will have nowhere to go. They will sleep on the floor of a DCFS hallway, they will be crammed into an emergency cot with three other little kids in need of a soft place to land. It means the trauma they have already experienced in their life is now being exacerbated by the uncertainty of their future. And as a foster parent, if you consider all the heartbreak and pain and loss these little kids have already experienced, it really puts your own feelings in perspective. Sure, it sucks to lose a placement but hopefully they are transitioning into a loving place with people who will care and support them, as much as the foster family hopefully has. The system is not perfect, often kids are returned to terrible situations and might end up back in the system, but if you are doing your job as a foster family well you are providing a beacon of love and hope in an otherwise chaotic sea of uncertainty and instability. So many times I have heard other foster families talk about giving up, and a few already have, but all I can keep telling them is that these kids have done nothing to deserve their circumstances and if there are those of us ready and willing to lend a hand to literally the most vulnerable in our society, it's worth a little heartache and struggle. I have had friends consider the child "theirs" even when reunification was in the works. They consider the children ripped from their arms when reunified with family members. They call it unfair, and bitch about the social workers and lawyers and stuff, while rarely considering the needs of the child and if they will be better in the longterm. It's hard not to be selfish, especially when wrapped up in the emotions of it all, but you really have to keep perspective in this capacity. I really try to encourage everyone, especially those with kids who are considering having another, to open their hearts and minds to foster/adoption. It is not an easy road, but it is so worthwhile if only for the momentary safety net you can provide to a child in freefall. By the way, if anyone has any questions about foster/adoption I have private messages and am happy to help in any way.
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Apr 4, 2016 16:56
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GlyphGryph posted:Argh, why has my one year old started biting me. Why does he only bite me - or at least, why does he only bite while in proximity to me (when he is near me, he will also bite nearby things like chairs, tables, bean bags). What can I do to get him to stop biting me. My daughter is the class biter at her daycare . She gone through 2 periods of high bite rates at daycare (peaking at 4 incidents in a week). First period was around the 10 month mark, and it just worked itself out after 2 months. The second period was around 2 years old, and we worked with daycare to redirect her to a teether when she had an urge to bite. She basically walked around all day with it in her mouth. We also read her "Teeth Are Not For Biting" everyday. We kept it up for about 3 months before she got over it. At least you have a shot at correcting the behavior yourself. Our biting was only at daycare, so it was almost totally out of our control.
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Apr 4, 2016 17:39
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I think he's doing it as a way of showing affection/excitement/a desire for attention, so I've been trying to redirect him into an alternate activity and teaching him he can pat me (gently) instead of biting me. So now I get to be gently patted twice before he clamps down with his teeth. Not gonna complain about another second of advance notice, I guess, but not really working as well as I'd hoped... I guess I just have to keep at it.
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Apr 4, 2016 19:41
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