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CherryCola posted:Oh god please everyone go have Gooncon: Croatia Edition with this guy as your tour guide and film the whole thing. Tbh I was gonna go to to eastern Europe this summer anyway but ASF offering tours might make me reconsider skipping Croatia
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Feb 28, 2016 14:31
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Old Binsby posted:Tbh I was gonna go to to eastern Europe this summer anyway but ASF offering tours might make me reconsider skipping Croatia Don't forget your tetanus booster.
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Feb 29, 2016 06:34
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Hey OP, have you considered joining http://www.trip4real.com/ or any other peer-to-peer travel service? It's all the rage now and you could be giving people unique tours (that don't need to have anything to do with typical sightseeing) for money.
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Feb 29, 2016 11:26
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Airbnb your hovels to unsuspecting tourists.
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Feb 29, 2016 16:48
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Old Binsby posted:Tbh I was gonna go to to eastern Europe this summer anyway but ASF offering tours might make me reconsider skipping Croatia You shouldn't be skipping Croatia anyway. I did EE last year and the Croatian coast (I stayed in Split) was a nice way to finish up a trip full of grim medieval architecture and goulashes.
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Feb 29, 2016 19:12
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Dubrovnik is absolutely loving beautiful. Loved it.
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Mar 12, 2016 07:03
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I enjoy your threads and hope you're doing alright, op. I know that both you and Mirko Filipovic are from Croatia, so you've doubled my knowledge of your country.
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Mar 14, 2016 07:24
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Update: Waldo gave me two rents' worth of money a few days ago! Susan paid me some arrears yesterday! And Mario is going to pay me like a week from now!  I'm quite tired, but in a rather festive mood - celebrating the occasion with copious amounts of cat piss beer. A loud banging noise woke me up this afternoon. One of the elevators crapped out and someone ended up getting stuck in there. My bed is located right next to the elevator shaft so I got to hear pretty much everything that went on down there. Oh, and about the elevators - the architect provided for the tiniest possible elevators he could legally have installed. They are rated for four people / 700 lbs (without shopping bags or any kind of cargo, mind you) and if you want to transport some sort of furniture in there - you're pretty much out of luck. Stoves and washing machines will fit, but nothing else will, so if you're transporting a washing machine for example, you have to climb on top of it, crouch, push the button and hope for the best. Funny thing, every time someone kicks the bucket in the roach tower, the undertakers won't even try to carry the body down the stairs - especially if someone died way up the tower. Instead, they wait for rigor mortis to set in, then VERTICALLY pin the corpse in the corner of the elevator and ignore the funny stares. If rigor mortis hasn't set in yet, two burly guys will grab the dead body and hold it up by the shoulders (as if they were carrying an extremely drunk/passed out person,) then putting the corpse in the coffin right there in the ground floor lobby where everyone can see cargo. Fun for the whole family!
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Mar 14, 2016 20:57
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Update: Waldo gave me two rents' worth of money a few days ago! Susan paid me some arrears yesterday! And Mario is going to pay me like a week from now! "Every time?" Do people regularly drop dead in your apartment complex?
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Mar 15, 2016 00:35
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Centripetal Horse posted:"Every time?" Do people regularly drop dead in your apartment complex? My apartment block is a giant retirement colony. So basically, yes. 
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Mar 15, 2016 00:52
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:My apartment block is a giant retirement colony. So basically, yes. Oh. I understand. I am a native of South Florida. I don't know how far your cultural knowledge of the United States goes, but Florida is essentially 66,000 square miles of dying retirees.
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Mar 15, 2016 01:10
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I recently spent several days in a soviet shithole apartment in Prague and I think we had the same elevator. It was only rated for three people and could barely fit me and my friend. It was slow as hell and every time I took it I panicked a little about getting stuck in there
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Mar 15, 2016 09:30
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We also drank a lot of cat piss beer as well. It was called Branik, came in a 2L bottle and cost like $2.50 CAD. People would give us dirty looks when we bought it. I thought it was pretty good though
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Mar 15, 2016 09:34
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lovely European elevators aren't limited to the east. The elevators at the hotels I stayed at with my mother in sister in Paris and London 12 years ago both required me to make a separate trip. Then there was the one in the Hotel Sacher in Vienna the next year, which was probably built when the Habsburgs were still in charge. Rickety and everything was terrifyingly visible.
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Mar 15, 2016 09:35
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Kavak posted:lovely European elevators aren't limited to the east. The elevators at the hotels I stayed at with my mother in sister in Paris and London 12 years ago both required me to make a separate trip. Then there was the one in the Hotel Sacher in Vienna the next year, which was probably built when the Habsburgs were still in charge. Rickety and everything was terrifyingly visible. Yeah, can confirm, Germany also has some old, small, bizzare - and probably dangerous - elevators.
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Mar 16, 2016 08:37
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fatbeard, been over a month- you still with us (such as it is?)
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Apr 11, 2016 19:03
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CherryCola posted:Oh god please everyone go have Gooncon: Croatia Edition with this guy as your tour guide and film the whole thing. I approve of this idea
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Apr 11, 2016 21:31
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Efexeye posted:fatbeard, been over a month- you still with us (such as it is?) Not much has happened. Waldo collapsed due to malnutrition induced weaking the other day and he was hospitalized again. He's getting paid this Friday, but even now he has nothing to eat at home - he texted me yesterday and asked if I could spare 20 Kunas ($3) so he could go out and buy something, but I was completely dry. I literally had $0 on me. Went out for some bumming and I got me a beer and a few cigs. I did the unthinkable the other day and passed up an opportunity to get high, because I have since kicked in the doors yet again and the bloody thing now has the consistency of munched cardboard - I tore down the door three or four times in the past six months. Next time the frame falls out unless I duct tape it in place! Naturally with this I had to replace the lock as well, and the bills are adding up - along with locks, I tend to lose cellphones as well. I went through no less than four cellphones in the past year. Good thing that they were throwaway plain vanilla brickphones that retail for $25, but still. I sometimes wonder where did all of those phones end up at. Maybe a few years from now I'll discover a ferret cache of dead phones behind my bed, who knows. And if I lost them outside and someone found them, they obviously didn't make an effort to return them to me. It's hard to tell now, but I remember that at least one phone had a memory card full of angry North Korean disco music.
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Apr 12, 2016 16:26
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Forgot to say something, this time my keys were actually recovered. Some old lady found them and was hanging the keychain onto the poster cabinet in the lobby when I came around and I was like ffs granny where did you find these? She replied that "I don't want to know", and that's how it ended. Unfortunately I recovered the keys only after I already replaced all the locks! 
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Apr 12, 2016 16:35
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Can you take pictures of this building you are the landlord of?
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Apr 14, 2016 00:20
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Tenzarin posted:Can you take pictures of this building you are the landlord of? Unless you mean pictures of the outside, look up the video that was posted in the last few pages for interior details. I'm on mobile, else I'd link it.
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Apr 16, 2016 09:03
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He has posted videos, at least of the original ASFB roaches to prove he was legit. However I'm on my phone and can't find anything 
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Apr 18, 2016 20:03
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Captain Yossarian posted:He has posted videos, at least of the original ASFB roaches to prove he was legit. However I'm on my phone and can't find anything http://imgur.com/NJ5dCaY
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Apr 18, 2016 20:14
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I like you ASF, you are a nice and cool dude
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Apr 18, 2016 20:19
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a sweaty fatbeard is the most likeable -- hell, maybe the only likeable -- goon
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Apr 19, 2016 00:00
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I didn't realize Croatians also wrote their 1s like 7s.
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Apr 19, 2016 01:06
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It's time for Americans to finally learn what numbers actually look like.
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Apr 19, 2016 12:44
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Puppy Galaxy posted:a sweaty fatbeard is the most likeable -- hell, maybe the only likeable -- goon It's true. Doesn't always make the best decisions but he is drat plucky and charming
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Apr 19, 2016 16:45
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Apparently, someone brought Dennis Rodman to the horror talk show mentioned earlier in the thread: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQoIo2K6zlM
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Apr 19, 2016 20:53
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Sorry for the posting hiatus. I was gone from Zagreb for about two weeks, spending the time with my aunts who came from Germany in order to help me toss out the poo poo from Uncle Bruno nightmare house. It was a harrowing experience owing to a multitude of factors, I must say this rightaway. For starters, my aunts are two elderly women who expatriated from Yugoslavia in early 70s since they had very little formal education and couldn't get any sort of job over here. The country was happy to see them go ("be an unemployable clown somewhere else, kthxbai") and they spent the better part of their lives living in what was then Western Germany. They're the sort of people who know about a lot of things which is technically true, if not for the fact that their vast amount of world knowledge comes not from school or any respectable source of information, but from paperback books and popular magazines. They will argue with you over anything they claim to know about and will act indignant when you inevitably prove them wrong. I had to pull herculean efforts to keep me from launching into a lecture ten times a day, every day, which would only paint me as a know-it-all rear end and the aunts wouldn't have been any wiser anyway, while shielding my mind away from the damaging effect of intellectual osmosis. Not to mention that I had a run-in with an elderly, toothless hick who tried to teach me how to use the internet. The aunts love to talk, and hearing them spout their misinformation would make me facepalm constantly, you know, being a kind of person who actually finished high school. One notable event which you'll be able to relate to, took place when we were discussing apartment block construction methods. I unwisely started the conversation by saying that the Roach Tower is a pretty solid building since it uses a steel I-beam skeleton which is springy, allowing the tall building to sway in high winds and in the event of an earthquake. Nothing too strange about that. At that moment, one of my aunts suddenly launched into a poo poo-talking tirade about twin towers on 9/11: Aunt1: You know why the twin towers fell down on 9/11?  Me: I don't. Please do tell me.  Aunt1: It's because the towers were made from bamboo sticks and the whole thing was put up by Injuns  (i.e. she meant Native Americans)Aunt2: But bamboo don't grow in America.  Aunt1: They imported it from China!  Aunt2: Oh I see!  Me: ........... And this sort of thing went on literally five times a day. You eventually learn not to contradict these sort of people, for you will be certainly proven wrong (well, not really, but you get the idea.) Confronted with such a towering wall of misinformation, you could be lead to believe that you were being handled by a master troll, determined to piss you off at any cost, but I've known these women for over thirty years and they just don't keep getting any wiser. We then traveled to the coast to face Bruno's legacy. I regret not taking a real camera because, as it turned out, there was a lot of stuff that was worth taking a picture of, and I was reduced to a lovely phone camera (which was poo poo even by cellphone standards) First of all, we hired a workforce of eleven burly men and when they saw the magnitude of the disaster, a neighbor called in heavy artillery: a dump truck with a loving crane. As it turned out, the heavy truck was not enough: we filled the whole thing, as well as two smaller trucks. In all, there was twenty eight cubic metres of utter poo poo that we tossed out, and I am left to guess the sheer weight of that stuff. Eleven men toiled for hours, hurling moldy books and magazines out the windows. The crazy thing is that we haven't even tossed out all of it, there is still one room full of books and poo poo and we had to leave that for some other occasion since we were running out of space in the three of our trucks and the guys were getting real tired.    I found this calendar in one of the rooms that were cluttered. The picture doesn't do it justice, but you should know that the time stopped flowing in this room in January 1971. I also unearthed an enormous amount of unbranded factory-sample cigarettes, about twenty cartons, and tossed them into the dumpster since I didn't fancy smoking half a century old tobacco. I mean, my standards are admittedly low, but you've gotta draw the line somewhere. I later saw an old man fishing those same cigarettes out of the dumpster. I said nothing. The strange thing is that Bruno never smoked. We also found 1970s bourbon and whisky. We're probably selling those, I didn't want to have anything to do with them bottles since sadly, I just can't be trusted around booze anymore.  You'd probably think that a notorious hoarder of books like Bruno would be concerned with the well-being of his precious paper stash, but this was obviously not the case. This picture shows a huge and a dangerous hole in the wooden floor, after years and years of copious rainwater leaks from a defective roof, causing it to rot to poo poo right through the moldy carpet, eventually caving in. The paper in this profoundly damp room was beyond destroyed, it was compost. There are still around eight cubic metres of paper in that shithouse. Not all is bad, though. I recovered an immaculate transistor radio set that once belonged to my grandma. It spent the last half of the century wrapped in a plastic bag and stewing in the dresser - it's in a mint condition and if I wanted to sell it, I would get around $100 for it. I also got a new soldering iron, a clothes iron and a new toilet seat for my heroic efforts. The house is getting overgrown by a jungle of unattended foliage and it's becoming glaringly obvious to my aunts that the house is simply not salvageable anymore and that it should be sold. They've been pussy-pawing around this idea for the past decade, and the sheer magnitude of Bruno's squalor ought to hammer the nail home. We could get a nice sum of money for the plot - the house is worthless and it will be demolished post-haste by the new owner, but the land is quite valuable. And now will you excuse me, I've got beer to drink. 
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May 3, 2016 20:51
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Aunt1: You know why the twin towers fell down on 9/11? It all makes sense now! 
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May 3, 2016 21:37
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I'm confused by the usage of "Injuns". Do you speak english with your aunts or is there a Croatian word that's a slur for native americans in the US?
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May 3, 2016 21:59
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Phthisis posted:is there a Croatian word that's a slur for native americans in the US? Yes. It's "indijanac/indijanci" (singular/plural). Keep in mind that one of the most prominent cultural exports of 1960s America was racism.
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May 3, 2016 22:29
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Yes. It's "indijanac/indijanci" (singular/plural). Keep in mind that one of the most prominent cultural exports of 1960s America was racism. Huh, that's pretty interesting. Is it derived from another term, like indian->injun, or is it more like the "Indian vs. Native American" thing where it's just a less politically correct term that is taken offense to?
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May 3, 2016 22:48
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Phthisis posted:Huh, that's pretty interesting. Is it derived from another term, like indian->injun, or is it more like the "Indian vs. Native American" thing where it's just a less politically correct term that is taken offense to? It derives from the need to separate the actual Indian-hindu peoples (i.e. people living in India, who are called "indijac") from "Indians", i.e. the "savage" people who were depicted as harrowing the good 'ol cowboys in American Western movies. All of this stems from spectacularly bad TV programming we had in the 1980s. The TV networks couldn't afford to show decent programming, so instead they turned to whatever horrible poo poo could be fished from the public domain or could be obtained at bargain prices. The prime-time TV was taken up by cowboy movies, not even good ones for that matter, while the rest of the programming was padded out with horrible poo poo such as WWII G.I. propaganda flicks about brave American sailors sinking cowardly Japanese warships. Even back in the 1980s, I thought this was bullshit, and it didn't help that we were spoon-fed banned Bugs Bunny and other, lesser cartoons from the troublesome 1950s era. See, the popular opinion in America is that these horrible things have been withdrawn to bunkers forever, but they were not: it's true that racist poo poo disappeared from American TV screens, but at the same time, it was shown in other parts of the world which was less lucky. The arrival of affordable VHS actually made the matters worse. Now fly-by-night shonksters could show you unspeakably terrible and banned poo poo that wouldn't fly even on our own POS television. Towards that end, back in the late 80s I knew wartime slogans such as "Kilroy was here" and "was this trip really necessary?" although I couldn't pin a meaning to those; it would be decades until I learned what they really meant. The cherry on the cake is the fact that after the eastern bloc fell apart, Americans found our people to be hilariously racist, reflected in satire such as Borat. It's no accident that this happened - though many people jumped to conclusion that we're racist simply because we're bad people. Now you know the real reason why this happened.
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May 3, 2016 23:14
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Nah, we're bad people.
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May 3, 2016 23:16
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Well, I had no idea that the US somehow managed to export so much racism, particularly towards native americans, to eastern europe. That's really lovely. Thanks for enlightening me, Fatbeard. I've really enjoyed this thread.
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May 3, 2016 23:34
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Keep in mind that one of the most prominent cultural exports of 1960s America was racism. It still is.
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May 3, 2016 23:34
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I meant to post this earlier, but I also watched the video tour of your apartment and I would live there for a reasonable price.
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May 3, 2016 23:50
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This is just a footnote, but for what it's worth your aunt was completely correct that the twin towers (along with many other skyscrapers) were built by Native Americans. http://www.whitewolfpack.com/2012/09/the-mohawks-who-built-manhattan-photos.html?m=1
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May 4, 2016 02:13
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i like nice words