Read about a new car? Thats the 2024 Giant Piece of Shit

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > Read about a new car? Thats the 2024 Giant Piece of Shit

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IOwnCalculus: Apr 2, 2003

The BMW i8's engine note is nearly 100% synthetic.

Honestly, it doesn't sound bad.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 00:12

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 21:15

Kraftwerk: Aug 13, 2011; i do not have 10,000 bircoins, please stop asking

LeeMajors posted:

I thought it was well-publicized the Ford or someone did the fake-exhaust-note-over-speaker thing already? Like on a large scale.

Yeah there's a video on youtube floating around where someone found a way to fiddle with the RPM gauge and he noticed that an engine note would play over the speakers at different RPM levels.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 00:13

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Kraftwerk posted:

Yeah there's a video on youtube floating around where someone found a way to fiddle with the RPM gauge and he noticed that an engine note would play over the speakers at different RPM levels.

Ford calls it Active Noise Control because they can either play the engine sound to make it louder, or else play it out of phase to try and get a noise cancelling effect.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 00:17

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012; ERM... Actually I have stellar scores on the surveys, and every year students tell me that my classes are the best ones they’ve ever taken.

LeeMajors posted:

I thought it was well-publicized the Ford or someone did the fake-exhaust-note-over-speaker thing already? Like on a large scale.

Ford has started doing that with their big trucks now, since people want the V8 noise but the V6 fuel economy and cost. BMW and Volkswagen are the worst offenders, though, with most of their current cars playing a recorded audio clip over the car's stereo.

VWs are just full of lies.

Every manufacturer is going to be doing it eventually, though, I'm sure.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 00:20

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Sagebrush posted:

Every manufacturer is going to be doing it eventually, though, I'm sure.

I mean if it's a microphone in the engine compartment then it's just an electronic version of a sound tube in the firewall to physically pipe in engine noise while still reducing other noise. That seems ok. It's the prerecorded sounds that are cheesy and lame

# ? Apr 15, 2016 00:23

LeeMajors: Jan 20, 2005; I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors...
Ah, one more!

Sagebrush posted:

Ford has started doing that with their big trucks now, since people want the V8 noise but the V6 fuel economy and cost.

Ah, right. I'm sure this is a hit with the Hard-Dick American Full-Size Truck Consumer.

Kraftwerk posted:

Yeah there's a video on youtube floating around where someone found a way to fiddle with the RPM gauge and he noticed that an engine note would play over the speakers at different RPM levels.

This is so lame, just loving make an engine worth listening to.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 00:29

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

LeeMajors posted:

This is so lame, just loving make an engine worth listening to.

People want quieter cars and don't want engine drone but do want to hear the engine when it revs. You can use a microphone with software controlled playback or else you can have an active sound tube thst dynamically adjusts. Or just go nuts and put in exhaust cutouts. I think the last one is the best option but I can understand why they go with the electromic option since an actual physical tube means more moving parts and packaging issues.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 00:33

oRenj9: Aug 3, 2004; Who loves oRenj soda?!?; College Slice

Exhaust cutouts are awesome. If I bought a Camaro, that would be a must-have option.

I heard some old guy pulling up to the gas station in his new Camaro SS with the exhaust cutouts opened and it sounded absolutely amazing for a factory setup.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 02:30

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

I heard a 6.4l challenger today and it owned.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 02:50

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012; ERM... Actually I have stellar scores on the surveys, and every year students tell me that my classes are the best ones they’ve ever taken.

LeeMajors posted:

Ah, right. I'm sure this is a hit with the Hard-Dick American Full-Size Truck Consumer.

Yeah, that's why Ford (and other manufacturers) have been pretty quiet about it.

Luckily you'll never need that kind of stuff on a motorcycle, what with the engine and exhaust sitting four feet away from your head. Even the electric bikes have really distinctive electric warbling and howling sounds that you can only start to hear when the parts are open to the air.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 04:00

Friar Zucchini: Aug 6, 2010

I saw something on Recently Dead Top Gear about some Renault hot-hatch with user-selectable exhaust noises. I'm just waiting for the day where I can tell my car that its engine should sound like a Detroit Diesel, or a top fuel dragster, or a WRX, or a Formula 1 car, or a Busso, when all it really is is just a Focus.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 08:06

PCOS Bill: May 12, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

Sagebrush posted:

Luckily you'll never need that kind of stuff on a motorcycle, what with the engine and exhaust sitting four feet away from your head.

How long is your torso??

# ? Apr 15, 2016 08:37

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012; ERM... Actually I have stellar scores on the surveys, and every year students tell me that my classes are the best ones they’ve ever taken.

I'm 6'. The exhaust is down by the ground and behind me, but the engine is right at my nuts, so I averaged.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 08:39

Sadi: Jan 18, 2005; SC - Where there are more rednecks than people

I don't know if the Mustangs play audio in the car. I know my GFs 2012 has a tube that goes from the intake into the cabin with a little diaphragm on it to allow sound to pass but not air. It also has a few foam plugs to quiet it. I'm personally a fan of the idea. Let's you dial in how much "cold air intake" sound you want.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 13:58

Grater: Jul 11, 2001; Might seem like a nice guy, but cross me once...

KozmoNaut posted:

That video eventually became this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k85mRPqvMbE

And the world became a slightly shittier place to be. That loving thing was EVERYWHERE ~10 years ago.

I'm pretty sure that voice also inspired Minions, so yes, gently caress that thing forever.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 15:17

a primate: Jun 2, 2010

I was in a 2016 TT, and I could swear it makes fake engine noises through the speakers in Sport mode when you give it the beans. Might just be some induction or turbo noise or something since I'm not used to actual good cars or turbos.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 22:41

Mr. Apollo: Nov 8, 2000

a primate posted:

I was in a 2016 TT, and I could swear it makes fake engine noises through the speakers in Sport mode when you give it the beans. Might just be some induction or turbo noise or something since I'm not used to actual good cars or turbos.

VAG uses a device called a soundaktor. It's a speaker under the hood that uses the firewall as a resonator. It plays "amplified engine noise".

# ? Apr 16, 2016 15:30

a primate: Jun 2, 2010

Mr. Apollo posted:

VAG uses a device called a soundaktor. It's a speaker under the hood that uses the firewall as a resonator. It plays "amplified engine noise".

That's actually pretty neat, I didn't expect it to be that complicated.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 16:07

Seat Safety Switch: May 27, 2008; MY RELIGION IS THE SMALL BLOCK V8 AND COMMANDMENTS ONE THROUGH TEN ARE NEVER LIFT.; Pillbug

a primate posted:

That's actually pretty neat, I didn't expect it to be that complicated.

It's VW.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 17:00

D C: Jun 20, 2004; 1-800-HOTLINEBLING
1-800-HOTLINEBLING
1-800-HOTLINEBLING

In the Mk5 GTI they used a plastic tube off the intake that went to the firewall to 'enhance' the sound. The 'noise pipe'.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 17:04

Hikaki: Oct 11, 2005; Motherfucking Fujitsu Heavy Industries

a primate posted:

I remember Top Gear mentioning some car (M3?) injecting fuel directly into the exhaust manifold, resulting in pops on throttle lift. They presented it as if its sole purpose was to make NOIIIIISE but I guess it could also cool down the exhaust.

Mini Coopers do this in sport mode and it's really annoying, especially because sport mode is legit fun otherwise. They actually took it out one year and enough people complained that they put it back in for the following years. These must be the same type of people that put M badges on their base 3-series.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 17:19

drgitlin: Jul 25, 2003; luv 2 get custom titles from a forum that goes into revolt when its told to stop using a bad word.

Hikaki posted:

Mini Coopers do this in sport mode and it's really annoying, especially because sport mode is legit fun otherwise. They actually took it out one year and enough people complained that they put it back in for the following years. These must be the same type of people that put M badges on their base 3-series.

Um no. Cars that fart and pop on overrun are excellent and more of them should do it.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 11:13

mobby_6kl: Aug 9, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

Totally, and if I were driving an actually reasonably fast car, I'd want loving flames to shoot out of the exhaust. As it is though, that would just look extremely embarrassing which is also why I'm keeping the stock exhaust system.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 17:25

Hikaki: Oct 11, 2005; Motherfucking Fujitsu Heavy Industries

drgitlin posted:

Um no. Cars that fart and pop on overrun are excellent and more of them should do it.

On my V8 RWD supercar, yes. On my 1.6L 4cyl glorified econobox that only does it because the ECU decided it would sound cool? Not really.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 19:42

eyebeem: Jul 18, 2013; by R. Guyovich

My abarth would be decidedly less awesome if it didn't bark and pop like a lunatic at every upshift over 4,000 rpm

# ? Apr 21, 2016 19:45

Pr0kjayhawk: Nov 30, 2002; Zoom Zoom, motherfuckers

Hikaki posted:

On my V8 RWD supercar, yes. On my 1.6L 4cyl glorified econobox that only does it because the ECU decided it would sound cool? Not really.

Then maybe you don't press the "sport" button and leave us to have our fun.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 19:53

drgitlin: Jul 25, 2003; luv 2 get custom titles from a forum that goes into revolt when its told to stop using a bad word.

Hikaki posted:

On my V8 RWD supercar, yes. On my 1.6L 4cyl glorified econobox that only does it because the ECU decided it would sound cool? Not really.

The i8 has a 1.5L three-cylinder engine and in sport mode it makes the most adorable little pops and bangs.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 21:09

Sadi: Jan 18, 2005; SC - Where there are more rednecks than people

There was an i8 at the last autocross I went to. I thought it kind of sounded like little farts. Not quite enough loud to it for my taste.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 21:57

Christobevii3: Jul 3, 2006

eyebeem posted:

My abarth would be decidedly less awesome if it didn't bark and pop like a lunatic at every upshift over 4,000 rpm

Has no muffler from the factory right? What you expect

# ? Apr 22, 2016 00:35

Residency Evil: Jul 28, 2003; 4/5 godo... Schumi

drat the new Cayman looks good.

http://jalopnik.com/2017-porsche-71...dium=socialflow

# ? Apr 25, 2016 02:37

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

tail lights look like a dodge dart and the wheel options look like poo poo

# ? Apr 25, 2016 13:36

Pryor on Fire: May 14, 2013; they don't know all alien abduction experiences can be explained by people thinking saving private ryan was a documentary