Let's Read: "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality"

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Let's Read: "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality"

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Jazerus: May 24, 2011

Crowsbeak posted:

Can anyone explain to me why is it that I have two friends on facebook both recommending this dreck to me, but they both are STEM majors?

The thesis of the story is that STEM majors are the ubermensch, draw your conclusions from there

# ? May 3, 2016 03:07

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# ? May 17, 2024 18:22

divabot: Jun 17, 2015; A polite little mouse!

Storming The Ivory has another good thread on HPMOR.

# ? May 10, 2016 14:03

Cavelcade: Dec 9, 2015; I'm actually a boy!

My favourite part was the genetic explanation included as a link. Good science.

# ? May 10, 2016 15:04

divabot: Jun 17, 2015; A polite little mouse!

By the way, there's a quiet out-of-the-way subreddit called /r/SneerClub, with a smattering of sneer culture aficionados.. I post there on occasion.

# ? May 30, 2016 10:40

BAD ASS minion memes!: Apr 12, 2014

I'm loving this thread. My friend pestered me to read the whole thing and I had a big love-hate relationship with it. The internally consistent magic system thing is like crack for me but almost everything else about the story and its author drags it down. It's weird seeing the train wreck in slow motion, you appreciate how awful it is a lot more when you're not skimming it over the course of a week.

# ? May 30, 2016 13:57

rest his guts: Mar 3, 2013; ...pls father forgive me
for my terrible post history...

'Barked Severus' voice.' '... as if to indicate her lithe figure.' '... someone screamed a word.'

Good grief. If only the Professors shelf had been brimming with literature, instead

# ? May 30, 2016 16:32

divabot: Jun 17, 2015; A polite little mouse!

David Severa: Selections from my forthcoming Harry Potter and the Methods of Neoreaction

quote:

�Slytherin!� the sorting hat cried before it even touched Harry�s head.

----

�You see Albus,� Harry continued, waxing eloquently, �What the Golden Snitch is to Quidditch, the natural aristocrat is to society. Indeed I have mapped out a compleat system of civilization in which the Bludgers are- Stop eating my candy, this is serious!�

----

Ron gazed in horror at the empty vault. There was nothing left. �All of the- all of your gold! It�s gone!�

�Invested Ron. Invested in the future,� Harry said knowingly. �When all this is dust, what will we fall back on? In the end, gold won�t even buy bread.�

�But, what��

�You�re looking at the proud owner of several thousand acres in rural Idaho.�

Ron gurgled uncomprehendingly.

----

�Brothers and sisters, please! Heed my call! For too long the magical world has sat aloof from the rest of humanity. For too long have we held ourselves to be superior. We have certain abilities, yes, but there is so much we can learn from them as well. Despite our divisions, there is so much more that unites us. How can we stand by and let others live and die in ignorance and poverty? Let us embrace one another in love and fellowship,� cackled Voldemort.

----

�[8 page speech redacted],� Harry said wryly.

----

Hermione continued to wash the dishes.

----

Malfoy sat at Potter�s feet. He could barely follow the stream of words, but found them mesmerizing nonetheless. Here was a worldview that suited him! He dared to venture a question. �This is incredible. The Cathedral, the decadence of wizardry, it all makes so much sense. It changes everything. But when do we move beyond blogging about it?�

Harry gurgled uncomprehendingly.

# ? Jun 3, 2016 16:12

Death Bot: Mar 4, 2007; Binary killing machines, turning 1 into 0 since 0011000100111001 0011011100110110

God drat

# ? Jun 3, 2016 16:19

NihilCredo: Jun 6, 2011; iram omni possibili modo preme:
plus una illa te diffamabit, quam multæ virtutes commendabunt

Poe. Poe never changes.

# ? Jun 3, 2016 20:08

Dalris Othaine: Oct 14, 2013; I think, therefore I am inevitable.

Someone offered the guy a hundred bucks if he actually wrote it.

quote:

"That would involve having to read HPMOR first. I think that alone would be worth $100 for sheer length."

poo poo, have we been stiffing the OP?

# ? Jun 4, 2016 01:29

Fajita Queen: Jun 21, 2012

divabot posted:

David Severa: Selections from my forthcoming Harry Potter and the Methods of Neoreaction

What does it say about us that we really really want this?

# ? Jun 4, 2016 07:55

Cavelcade: Dec 9, 2015; I'm actually a boy!

The Shortest Path posted:

What does it say about us that we really really want this?

We have the good taste to recognise greatness and the bad taste to read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.

# ? Jun 4, 2016 15:22

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 18: Dominance Hierarchies
Part Nine

quote:

One hour earlier, Harry listened from inside the closed closet. There was no sound from outside, and no point in taking risks either.

C-L-O-A-K, his fingers spelled out.

Once he was invisible, he very carefully and slowly cracked open the closet door and peeked out. No one seemed to be in the classroom.

The door wasn't locked.

It was when Harry was outside the dangerous place and inside the hallway, safely invisible, that some of the anger drained away and he realized what he'd just done.

What he'd just done.

Harry's invisible face was frozen in absolute horror.

He'd antagonized a teacher three orders of magnitude beyond anything he'd ever managed before. He'd threatened to walk out of Hogwarts and might have to follow through on it. He'd lost all the points Ravenclaw had and then he'd used the Time-Turner...

At least Eliezarry does recognise that Snape is far more powerful, in both personal and social power, than Eliezarry is at this point. An Eliezarry that is subject to bouts of uncontrollable rage that cause him to act �irrationally� might actually be an interesting protagonist to follow.

quote:

His imagination showed him his parents yelling at him after he was expelled, Professor McGonagall disappointed in him, and it was just too painful and he couldn't bear it and he couldn't think of any way to save himself �

The thought that Harry allowed himself to think was that if getting angry had gotten him into all this trouble, then maybe when he was angry he'd think of a way out, things seemed clearer somehow when he was angry.

And the thought that Harry didn't let himself think was that he just couldn't face this future if he wasn't angry.

So he cast his thoughts back and remembered the burning humiliation -

Tut, tut. Fame clearly isn't everything.
Ten points from Ravenclaw for backchat.

The calming cold washed back through his veins like a wave reflected and returning from some breaker, and Harry let out his breath.

Okay. Back to being sane now.

He was actually feeling a bit disappointed in his non-angry self for collapsing like that and wanting only to get out of trouble. Professor Severus Snape was everyone's problem. Normal-Harry had forgotten that and wished for a way to protect himself. And let all the other victims go hang? The question wasn't how to protect himself, the question was how to destroy this Potions professor.

Eliezarry kind of went out of his way to provoke and anger Snape, though. He hasn�t actually seen what Snape would be like under �normal� circumstances i.e. without a student who was outright declaring that he would seek to have him (Snape) fired, in the middle of class and in front of Snape�s other students. And also, deduction of Eliezarry�s House points and making Eliezarry be silent for the rest of the class is frankly an enormously lenient response to Eliezarry�s provocations, which actually suggests that Snape isn�t as monstrous as he�s been made out to be by Eliezarry.

# ? Jun 7, 2016 09:43

90s Cringe Rock: Nov 29, 2006

It's funny, the bit that really stands out to me as stupid is him going "three orders of magnitude!"

# ? Jun 7, 2016 10:11

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

In a just world, the rest of Ravenlclaw would be plotting against Harry right now. If nothing else, he'd be in for daily swirlies for the next couple of years.

# ? Jun 8, 2016 18:31

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 18: Dominance Hierarchies
Part Ten

quote:

So this is my dark side, is it? Bit of a prejudiced term that, my light side seems more selfish and cowardly, not to mention confused and panicky.

And now that he was thinking clearly, it was equally clear what to do next. He'd already given himself an extra hour to prepare, and could get up to five hours more if required...

____________________________________________

Minerva McGonagall waited in the Headmaster's office.

Dumbledore sat in his padded throne behind his desk, dressed in four layers of formal lavender robes. Minerva sat in a chair before him, opposite Severus in another chair. Facing the three of them was an empty wooden stool.

They were waiting for Harry Potter.

Harry, Minerva thought despairingly, you promised you wouldn't bite any teachers!

And in her mind she could see very clearly the reply, Harry's angry face and his outraged response: I said I wouldn't bite anyone who didn't bite me first!

No better way of being right than being technically right.

quote:

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" Dumbledore called.

The door swept open, and Harry Potter entered. Minerva almost gasped out loud. The boy looked cool, collected, and utterly in control of himself.

"Good mor-" Harry's voice suddenly cut off. His jaw dropped.

Minerva tracked Harry's gaze, and she saw that Harry was staring at Fawkes where the phoenix sat on its golden perch. Fawkes fluttered his bright red-golden wings like the flickering of a flame, and dipped his head in a measured nod to the boy.

Why is Eliezarry surprised by the appearance of Fawkes? He�s already aware that the �immolating bird� he saw the last time he was in Dumbledore�s office, was actually a chicken that Dumbledore set on fire.

quote:

Harry turned to stare at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore winked at him.

Minerva felt she was missing something.

Sudden uncertainty crossed Harry's face. His coolness wavered. Fear showed in his eyes, then anger, and then the boy was calm again.

A chill went down Minerva's spine. Something was not right here.

"Please sit down," said Dumbledore. His face was now serious once more.

Harry sat.

"So, Harry," said Dumbledore. "I've heard one report of this day from Professor Snape. Would you care to tell me what happened in your own words?"

Harry's gaze flicked dismissively to Severus. "It's not complicated," said the boy, smiling thinly. "He tried bullying me the way he's been bullying every non-Slytherin in the school since the day Lucius foisted him off on you. As for the other details, I request a private conversation with you concerning them. A student who is reporting abusive behavior from a professor can hardly be expected to speak frankly in front of that same professor, after all."

This time Minerva couldn't stop herself from gasping out loud.

Severus simply laughed.

Wasn�t Eliezarry �frozen in absolute horror� at having openly �antagonized a teacher three orders of magnitude beyond anything he'd ever managed before�, just a few paragraphs ago? He never learns, does he?

# ? Jun 9, 2016 09:51

BAD ASS minion memes!: Apr 12, 2014

How does Eliezarry suddenly know the intricacies of Malfoy/Snape and Malfoy/Dumbledore's relationship?

# ? Jun 9, 2016 13:27

90s Cringe Rock: Nov 29, 2006

uncleskeleton posted:

How does Eliezarry suddenly know the intricacies of Malfoy/Snape and Malfoy/Dumbledore's relationship?

~~~ a ~ t h e o r e m ~ c a l l e d ~ b a y e s ~~~

# ? Jun 9, 2016 14:51

Night10194: Feb 13, 2012; We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

uncleskeleton posted:

How does Eliezarry suddenly know the intricacies of Malfoy/Snape and Malfoy/Dumbledore's relationship?

The same way the 'supersmart' guy in every lovely sci-fi novel does: The author gave him the script ahead of time.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 14:52

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

It would be great if Gandalf here were like "listen you little poo poo, me and Severus are old buddies, I know how he runs things and I trust his judgement far more than a ten-year-old's. There's a command structure here and you will respect it from now on or you will be expelled. Turn in any cool magical poo poo like that Time Turner we loaned you and get the gently caress to class!"

# ? Jun 9, 2016 15:06

Death Bot: Mar 4, 2007; Binary killing machines, turning 1 into 0 since 0011000100111001 0011011100110110

uncleskeleton posted:

How does Eliezarry suddenly know the intricacies of Malfoy/Snape and Malfoy/Dumbledore's relationship?

As someone who has read the source material, he doesn't and that's why Snape is laughing at home. That said, who knows what the situation is in this fic

# ? Jun 9, 2016 16:31

BAD ASS minion memes!: Apr 12, 2014

Pvt.Scott posted:

It would be great if Gandalf here were like "listen you little poo poo, me and Severus are old buddies, I know how he runs things and I trust his judgement far more than a ten-year-old's. There's a command structure here and you will respect it from now on or you will be expelled. Turn in any cool magical poo poo like that Time Turner we loaned you and get the gently caress to class!"

Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket as Dumbledore
I'd watch it

# ? Jun 9, 2016 16:52

Victorkm: Nov 25, 2001

JosephWongKS posted:

Chapter 18: Dominance Hierarchies
Part Ten

No better way of being right than being technically right.

Why is Eliezarry surprised by the appearance of Fawkes? He�s already aware that the �immolating bird� he saw the last time he was in Dumbledore�s office, was actually a chicken that Dumbledore set on fire.

Wasn�t Eliezarry �frozen in absolute horror� at having openly �antagonized a teacher three orders of magnitude beyond anything he'd ever managed before�, just a few paragraphs ago? He never learns, does he?

He's had 3 hours to calm down and plan out his response though.

# ? Jun 10, 2016 04:03

Fajita Queen: Jun 21, 2012

The play is somehow worse than this. How the gently caress, Jo

# ? Jun 11, 2016 19:49

Pierson: Oct 31, 2004; College Slice

The Shortest Path posted:

The play is somehow worse than this. How the gently caress, Jo

I'm not beyond it being an elaborate troll by Rowling and those who have seen the play in order to hide the real plot, because it sounds too insane to be real.

# ? Jun 11, 2016 23:58

Fajita Queen: Jun 21, 2012

I don't not believe that, but still, goddamn. That script almost gave me an aneurysm.

# ? Jun 12, 2016 01:47

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

The Shortest Path posted:

The play is somehow worse than this. How the gently caress, Jo

Yeah, the play sounds batshit nuts. What happened to the main Harry Potter thread, by the way?

# ? Jun 13, 2016 05:57

sarehu: Apr 20, 2007; (call/cc call/cc)

Crowsbeak posted:

Can anyone explain to me why is it that I have two friends on facebook both recommending this dreck to me, but they both are STEM majors?

You're lumping together compsci/engineering dreck with math majors, please stop.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 06:58

Doctor Spaceman: Jul 6, 2010; "Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."

The Shortest Path posted:

The play is somehow worse than this. How the gently caress, Jo

The play seems indistinguishable from bad fanfic.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 07:07

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

I think JK is doing it on purpose, or this is a dummy script to generate furor. Who cares? It's her property. She deserves a chance to poo poo on it.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 10:07

Doctor Spaceman: Jul 6, 2010; "Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."

There have been preview screenings, so people aren't just going by the script. It's getting a pretty good response too, so maybe it works better on stage than it does on paper.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 10:16

divabot: Jun 17, 2015; A polite little mouse!

And it's not like the book plots make any loving sense at all.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 13:55

Fajita Queen: Jun 21, 2012

Don't time turners have a fairly short usage restriction anyway? How are the kids going back in time over a decade with one?

I'm heavily leaning towards JKR trolling us on this one.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 14:00

MikeJF: Dec 20, 2003

The Shortest Path posted:

Don't time turners have a fairly short usage restriction anyway? How are the kids going back in time over a decade with one?

Never said in the books, but she's written a fair bit in the extended universe/pottermore stuff that they're five hours, max.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 14:28

Doctor Spaceman: Jul 6, 2010; "Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."

The summary I read said the time turner was a special prototype.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 14:36

Nakar: Sep 2, 2002; Ultima Ratio Regum

Maybe a bad time to invent a Time Turner that works for more than 5 hours in the past is right after you just got done killing Magic Hitler.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 16:48

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

No that's the perfect time! That's how Magic Hitler came to be in the first place!

# ? Jun 13, 2016 17:11

cptn_dr: Sep 7, 2011; Seven for beauty that blossoms and dies

Pvt.Scott posted:

No that's the perfect time! That's how Magic Hitler came to be in the first place!

If any time was perfect, we wouldn't need time turners.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 20:54

90s Cringe Rock: Nov 29, 2006

If every time chop was perfect, we wouldn't have time dogs.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 21:44

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# ? May 17, 2024 18:22

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 18: Dominance Hierarchies
Part Eleven

quote:

And the Headmaster's face grew grave. "Mr. Potter," the Headmaster said, "one does not speak of a Hogwarts professor in such terms. I fear that you labor under a terrible misapprehension. Professor Severus Snape has my fullest confidence, and serves Hogwarts at my own behest, not Lucius Malfoy's."

There was silence for a few moments.

When the boy spoke again his voice was icy. "Am I missing something here?"

"Quite a number of things, Mr. Potter," said the Headmaster. "You should understand, to start with, that the purpose of this meeting is to discuss how to discipline you for the events of this morning."

"This man has terrorized your school for years. I spoke to students and collected stories to make sure there would be enough for a newspaper campaign to rally the parents against him. Some of the younger students cried while they told me. I almost cried when I heard them! You allowed this abuser to run free? You did this to your students? Why? "

Minerva swallowed a lump in her throat. She'd - thought that, sometimes, but somehow she'd never quite �

Why is Professor McGonagall being referred to as �Minerva� in the narrative? Why is she �[swallowing] a lump in her throat�? Is this the beginning of the reduction of Professor McGonagall from a hardass able to stand up to Eliezzary�s shenanigans to a helpless damsel? I am not pleased about this turn of events.

quote:

"Mr. Potter," said the Headmaster, his voice now stern, "this meeting is not about Professor Snape. It is about you and your disregard for school discipline. Professor Snape has suggested, and I have agreed, that three full months of detention will be appropriate -"

"Declined," Harry said icily.

Minerva was speechless.

"This is not a request, Mr. Potter," the Headmaster said. The full, entire force of the wizard's gaze was turned on the boy. "This is your punishme-"

"You will explain to me why you allowed this man to hurt the children placed in your care, and if your explanation is not sufficient then I will begin my newspaper campaign with you as the target."

Minerva's body swayed with the force of that blow, with the sheer raw lese majeste.

Even Severus looked shocked.

And then all the Professors stood up and clapped.

quote:

"That, Harry, would be most extremely unwise," Dumbledore said slowly. "I am the primary piece opposing Lucius on the gameboard. For you to do such a thing would strengthen him greatly, and I did not think that was your chosen side."

The boy was still for a long moment.

"This conversation grows private," Harry said. His hand flicked in Severus's direction. "Send him away."

Dumbledore shook his head. "Harry, did I not tell you that Severus Snape has my fullest confidence?"

The boy's face showed the shock of it. "This man's bullying makes you vulnerable! I am not the only one who could start a newspaper campaign against you! This is insane! Why are you doing this?"

Dumbledore sighed. "I'm sorry, Harry. It has to do with things that you are not, at this time, ready to hear."

The boy stared at Dumbledore. Then he turned to look at Severus. Then back to Dumbledore again.

"It is insanity," the boy said slowly. "You haven't reined him in because you think he's part of the pattern. That Hogwarts needs an evil Potions Master to be a proper magical school, just as it needs a ghost to teach History."

"That does sound like the sort of thing I would do, doesn't it?" said Dumbledore, smiling.

That would actually be an interesting reason for Dumbledore�s negligent and/or actively malignant management of the school, and an underdog protagonist who fights against the Man in such a context would actually be someone I�d root for. Too bad Eliezarry�s such an insufferable rear end in any event.

# ? Jun 14, 2016 08:03

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Let's Read: "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality"

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