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Jazzimus Prime
May 16, 2002

The Brothers Autobot
I'll try to figure out a way for commissioners to reserve matches so that this doesn't come up again. It's something I had talked about implementing before, but I never got around to it. :smith:

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ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!
Both were excellent fights.

I'd been worried about something like this happening, which thankfully never came up when Spermy and I were the two running most of 'em, because we did it at different times of day and I have my routine down to a point where I take about an hour for an 'average' fight.

Still, though, I'd like to extend my thanks to Pickled Tink for being slower helping run fights.

I'm totally still here to run fights, I'm just not able to do it every day because, well, for example today I had to floss my hair...

...okay, I'm going to make more time for this.

Pickled Tink
Apr 28, 2012

Have you heard about First Dog? It's a very good comic I just love.

Also, wear your bike helmets kids. I copped several blows to the head but my helmet left me totally unscathed.



Finally you should check out First Dog as it's a good comic I like it very much.
Fun Shoe

Jazzimus Prime posted:

I'll try to figure out a way for commissioners to reserve matches so that this doesn't come up again. It's something I had talked about implementing before, but I never got around to it. :smith:
The simplest way to impliment something immediately on that front would be to have a button on the fights macro page that labels the fight as taken. There is no need to actually apply an actual lockout beyond that. I'm pretty sure we'll all respect that (And it means that if a person doesn't run it in a reasonable amount of time, someone else can just walk in and do it anyway).

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004

ZeeToo posted:

I have my routine down to a point where I take about an hour for an 'average' fight.

Newb.

Do people still call each other newbies? Haven't played a multiplayer game since 2003 so I am out of touch.



:siren: Round 16, Fight 1 :siren:

This Bites (3-12), the home team, is on the left side of the arena.
Knife Toseeu (synthorange) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears a bronze cap.
Sun Tzulander the Philomodel (Keru) is a male elf. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a silver mail shirt, silver gauntlets, and platinum low boots.
Roland Gorchnik (Maarak) is a male human. He wields a copper scourge and wears an iron cap, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots.
Eyeteeth IV (Revenant Threshold) is a male werewolf. He wields a copper shield and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, and copper high boots.

Two Chicks with Dicks (9-6), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena.
Suck & gently caress Pighead (Dirty Frank) is a female goblin. She wields a silver war hammer and wears an iron mail shirt.
Bo (Haystack) is a male human. He wields a bronze short sword and a wooden shield and wears a leather cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.
Stumpy (Mygna) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots.
Richard Kyanka (Lorrdernie) is a male dark gnome. He wields a bronze large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears no armor.



Two Chicks with Dicks is a 3.99 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 4817.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1208.00 dwarfbucks for This Bites.



Every single time I look at the lineup on This Bites and I don't know how they are 3-12. And then I remember they went straight biting and didn't Eyeteeth used to have 2 shields?


The fighters clash and Eyeteeth's fist flies toward Stumpy. Then it just sort of keeps flying. Up north Suck and gently caress crushes one of Knife Tosseu's hands. A second hammer swing and the stranglers guts are bruised. Knife Toseeu is still biting Suck and Fucks leg while this all happens.


Oh good, it's going to be one of these nice spread-out fights where I can see poo poo.


Roland dodges through the melee and Richard Kyankas arm goes flying to his scourge. Suck and gently caress shatters Sun Tzu's eye socket completely.


And then Knife Toseeu dives low and bites the goblins foot. Suck and gently caress drops like a rock.


Note that so much poo poo happens in like 15 lines of code that I only got this one screenshot.
Kyanka the small gnome gets charged backward by Roland. Too bad Roland got close to Bo. Bo's sword licks Rolands left calf, but Roland's charge carries him past before it can do more damage. Stumpy's axe is stuck in Sun Tzu's leg all of a sudden. Bo changes targets and sends Eyeteeth to the floor with a chopped up foot, and Knife Toseeu is nothing if not tenacious. Another bite to Suck and gently caress causes more bruising/bleeding/ouchies. Bo chops Eyeteeths other arm so badly that a shield clangs to the floor. Roland whips Kyanka and shatters ribs. The tiny dark gnome doesn't look like he'll be with us much longer.

Finally we come to the picture: Stumpy sends Sun Tzu's leg flying. Just look at that block of text above, this fight is an absolute bloodbath.


Knife Toseeu is shaking Suck and gently caress around by the head when Kyanka dies from blood loss. Roland gets the kill.


Bo arrives to help Suck and gently caress. Knife Toseeu can't block anything, the sword chops left, right, again and again... Knife Toseeu is still conscious although I don't know how.


Sun Tzu and Knife Toseeu thrash Suck and gently caress around over and over by biting and tearing. Bo continues chopping anything that moves while they are focused on the unconscious goblin. Roland arrives with another charge and Stumpy is sent sprawling. Two of Knife Toseeu's arms go flying. The sword is buried in his stomach, but the strangler doesn't let up on Suck and gently caress. Roland lashes Stumpy's spine to poo poo, then the dwarven leg collapses under the devastating lash and Stumpy gives in to pain.


Bo chops Knife Toseeu in half, the strangler bites Suck and gently caress till the bitter end.


Sun Tzu bleeds to death, still biting Suck and gently caress till the bitter end. I actually had to go back to the logs to find out who killed him. Stumpy chopped off his leg and chopped the other one open a long time ago, so Stumpy gets the kill.


And now Roland ends Stumpy's life. Eyeteeth takes over for Sun Tzu and Knife Toseeu and begins bending Suck and gently caress's arms in all sorts of bad ways.


He bleeds to death due to Bo's sword embedded in his chest, mid-bend.


Suck and gently caress finally dies.

This is neat, look at this.
Eyeteeth shakes Suck and gently caress around by the head, tearing apart the head's muscle!
An artery in the head has been opened by the attack!
Eyeteeth grabs Suck and gently caress by the left lower leg with his right lower arm!
Eyeteeth locks Suck and gently caress left knee with Eyeteeth right lower arm!
Eyeteeth has bled to death.
Suck and gently caress has bled to death.


Suck and gently caress literally died in Eyeteeths tender embrace. Eyeteeth was a corpse at the time, winning the race to deaths door by roughly half a second.

You all know what this means?



:siren:1v1 HUMAN FIGHT TO DECIDE THE VICTOR OF THE MATCH!
:siren:

On one side we have Bo who has spent his day chopping up opponents from behind, he's never had to actually fight someone who is looking at him yet.

The other side has Roland who has charged-and-lashed his way through two opponents already.

Both humans are basically untouched. A scratch here, a bruise there... Nothing of consequence. Who will be the more deadly human?




It's not Roland. That was anticlimactic.

Wait a second...

Roland falls over.
Roland bites Bo in the head, tearing the muscle!
Roland latches on firmly!
Bo strikes at Roland but the shot is deftly parried by the copper scourge!
Roland shakes Bo around by the head, tearing apart the head's fat!



Roland Falls over, but manages to bite Bo in the head on the way to the floor. His scourge is blocked, so the member of This Bites bites his opponent.


Bo looks as surprised as I do as he falls to the floor unconscious. Roland spent the fight watching his entire team bite and thrash Suck and gently caress back and forth. He must have done this as an homage to his fallen teammates. It brings a tear to my eye; he's a true hero.


Roland collapses Bo's head.




Roland lays exhausted but victorious atop a pile of enemy and friendly corpses.




This Bites wins with our second upset thanks maybe in part to home-field advantage. Also: That was bloody as hell and I loved it.





Something to note about the kills: With seven deaths only 4 people were outright struck down. The other 3 bled to death. Neat!

Kills:
Roland: 3
Eyeteeth: 1

Bo: 2
Stumpy: 1



Combat Log


Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 20:07 on May 11, 2016

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
What the gently caress. Why is it half-italics?

Someone quote it and look for me, I can't find poo poo.


Edit: Found it. It was in the drat header and I don't know how.

Social Studies 3rd Period
Oct 31, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER



Spermy Smurf posted:

Sun Tzulander the Philomodel (Keru) is a male elf. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a silver mail shirt, silver gauntlets, and platinum low boots.

Is the offending line I think

Maarak
May 23, 2007

"Go for it!"
You're welcome goatface.

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
I just realized that Knife Toseeu may have been paralyzed pretty early on. That would explain why he never passed out from pain when Bo had chopped him a dozen times.

The ideology eater
Oct 20, 2010

IT'S GARBAGE DAY AT WENDY'S FUCK YEAH WE EATIN GOOD TONIGHT
i seriously jinxed it

Mygna
Sep 12, 2011
So loving close :negative:

Endorph
Jul 22, 2009

Horrowshow is pretty much the adventures of Jakob and his sidekick sn, with guest appearances by two useless trolls.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Spermy Smurf posted:

Haven't played a multiplayer game since 2003 so I am out of touch.

Sure, I guess running arena fights counts as a multiplayer game, so yeah, that'd be accurate.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous
You're a goon, you're supposed to say "pubbie" instead of "noob".

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
I don't know what a pubbie is.

Like pubic hair?

Oh my god did I just type that. Don't hit submit, don't hit submit, don't hit sub

Keru
Aug 2, 2004

'n suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us 'n the sky was full of what looked like 'uge bats, all swooping 'n screeching 'n divin' around the ute.
I love that a dude (thing?) named Stumpy lopped off both SunTzu's legs. That's dedication.

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.
Soiled Meat
Where's AJ?

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 24, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Dead.

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
Oh thank god. I couldnt handle another analysis of 'Spermy Smurf is the greatest manager, best looking commisioner, and we are all lucky he doesnt live near us or else our wives and girlfriends would surely flock to him.'

It just gets old after a while, ya know?

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

Tired. (Plus I wasn't expecting Spermy to go from burnt out to two in a day.)

Anyway.

:siren: Eyeteeth is no longer unblooded! :siren:

We're down to just three useless wretches who dishonour the arena with their presence. Indeed, This Bites are now on more than four times the kills of Lightly Whipped, and have ascended from 'harmless' to 'mostly harmless'.

With that bloodbath, the three kills 2CwD managed gave them a unique achievement: They are the first team to have every single one of their fighters hit double figures. Neat!

Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

WE FINALLY LIVE UP TO OUR NAME! :haw:

Ramc
May 4, 2008

Bringing your thread to a screeching halt, guaranteed.

Roland is one of my favorite gladiators.

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004

AJ_Impy posted:

unique achievement: They are the first team to have every single one of their fighters hit double figures. Neat!

You hear that Chickenwing? You are dead to me.

Ablative
Nov 9, 2012

Someone is getting this as an avatar. I don't know who, but it's gonna happen.

Spermy Smurf posted:

You hear that Chickenwing? You are dead to me.

Hey man, don't be like that, Harper's still got more kills than Lightly Whipped!


Yeah that doesn't really count for jack poo poo, but hey, it's something.

Locomotive breath
Feb 1, 2010
Chickenwing, don't listen to Spermy, he's a jerk. Stephen is an excellent little snakeperson.

He could stand to kill some more dudes though. Just a few more.

ChickenWing
Jul 22, 2010

:v:

Guys come on, I'm the tank. You're the ones that are supposed to be DPSing :colbert:

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
:siren: Round 16, Fight 5 :siren:

A Tarantino Film (7-8), the home team, is on the left side of the arena.
Uma Thurman (I R SMART LIKE ROCK) is a female human. She wields a steel two-handed sword and wears an iron helm, leather armor, and an iron mail shirt.
Urist McLee (Fuubi) is a male dwarf. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm.
Snarls Barkley (Bene Elim) is a female werewolf. She wields a bronze pike and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots.
Solomon Rabinowitz (Added Space) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, a steel mail shirt, steel gauntlets, and steel high boots.

The Plump Helmets (11-4), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena.
Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields two copper spears and wears a bronze cap, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots.
James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots.
Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.
Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots.



The Plump Helmets is a 2.27 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 10071.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 4431.00 dwarfbucks for A Tarantino Film.


Surprisingly the snakeman is by far the slowest out of the gates.


Uma doesn't fare too well in the first moment of combat. Scratch that. No one handles the first moment of combat well, except Solomon because he's not even there yet.

Uma loses an arm to James's halberd. Dory's arm is shredded by Snarls, but the minotaur paralyzes (maybe from legs down?) Uma with her one remaining spear. Good thing she brought a backup! Josie slams a mace into Urist's arm which fractures the bone.


A second stab from Dory's backup spear tears Umas other hand apart, forcing her to drop her sword.


Solomon bites Josie and then Dory, but both are deflected by leather armor. Josie hammers away at Solomon but the steel encased snake is a tough nut to crack. Snarls Barkley takes advantage of Dory focusing on the downed Uma and slices the minotaurs foot out from under her. The pain overwhelms Dory. James removes another bodypart from Uma.

Uma and Solomon are currently playing tug of war with Dory's body. One biting the chest, one biting the leg and both thrashing around. Tarantino Film is a weird team.


Dory is the first to go, but judging by the wounds on Uma won't be much longer. Snarls got the kill.

Down south Panty Thief chases Urist away with the dwarf landing some blows to bruise the huge yeti. Panty Thief bends one of Urists elbows backwards, causing extreme discomfort.



Yep, Uma bleeds out. Kill goes to James.


The fighters pair off sort of. Panty Thief finally corners Urist. Solomon continues to take a beating from Josie. Snarls and James pair off with a pair of halberds. Halberds bounce from armor, neither gladiator bothering to parry or dodge. It's only a matter of time before something gives.


Panty Thief snatches Urist from the floor where the dwarf lay stunned from a charge... and then bites his foot so hard that Urist passes out. Up top Snarls gets the advantage and shatters James' arm through his armor. James is sent to the floor in pain from a charge.

Josie continues smashing Solomon, but it's mostly ineffective since it's bruising at best. Solomon continues to bite armor which doesn't do a whole lot.


Panty Thief crushes Urist's chest and then adjusts his headset. Wait a second. Headset? Is he talking to someone? Hold on, let me see if I can hack into their comms.


Almost there... I think... Yep. Got it! Lets listen in!


What the gently caress. Is he getting advice from a third party?

James goes down to the combined fury of Snarls and Solomon. He's not completely out, but basically he doesn't do anything else for a while. Solomon turns around and bites Josie's hand. His one remaining fang punctures the leather glove and venom courses through the elf's veins.




Panty Thief arrives, full speed, still talking to the anonymous third party.


Snarls is thrown backward. And a second time. A third time and the werewolf goes down and stays down unmoving. Panty Thief's earpiece chirps, he responds by turning on a heel to charge Solomon.


Solomon gets the same treatment. A charge. Down, stunned.


Panty should have finished what he started. Snarls is concussed, but also very pissed. He picks up his halberd and attacks Panty from behind.


Panty turns to engage the deadly werewolf but is driven back by a flurry of blows. A charge slows the assault, but Snarls grits and works through it. Finally a gauntlet gives way and a yeti arm breaks in two. Panty Thief passes out.


Three unconscious, two on the same team alive and kicking.


Snarls gets the kill.


Not pictured: Snarls finishing off Josie.

And he finishes off Josie and James as well.


A Tarantino Film wins with a 4-2 victory. Homefield advantage strikes 3 in a row now?


Kills:
Snarls Barkley: 4

Panty Thief: 1
James Largesausage: 1


Combat Log


Pickled Tink
Apr 28, 2012

Have you heard about First Dog? It's a very good comic I just love.

Also, wear your bike helmets kids. I copped several blows to the head but my helmet left me totally unscathed.



Finally you should check out First Dog as it's a good comic I like it very much.
Fun Shoe
I'm staking a claim to running the Petting Zoo vs Furry Farmer Cows fight tomorrow (Too tired presently). I assure you all that I have nothing but the best of intentions and will totally not rig the match for the purposes of revenge.

Afriscipio
Jun 3, 2013

Curses! Broke again. And Kudos to the opposing team.

ChickenWing
Jul 22, 2010

:v:

Man that home field advantage is a motherfucker.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Snarls has drawn level with Duss and Chaz Steadyfist on 22 kills, or about one and a half kills for every kill the rest of his teammates manage. Whilst the Helmets have a single outstanding gladiator in the 24-kill James Largesausage, (Level with Flynn at the top of the standings), they also have no passengers, with two gladiators just one kill short of double figures.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous
Holy poo poo, Snarls.

Ramc
May 4, 2008

Bringing your thread to a screeching halt, guaranteed.

Weapon skill value is huge so I am not at all surprised we lost with the advantage in play.

Cathode Raymond
Dec 30, 2015

My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.
Soiled Meat
gently caress. I'm out $500 and this does not bode well for our upcoming away match.

Pickled Tink
Apr 28, 2012

Have you heard about First Dog? It's a very good comic I just love.

Also, wear your bike helmets kids. I copped several blows to the head but my helmet left me totally unscathed.



Finally you should check out First Dog as it's a good comic I like it very much.
Fun Shoe
Petting Zoo vs Furry Farmer Cows has been run. Starting the write up process now. Expect large delays due to sloth and/or dinner.

To the other commissioners: This means do not run the fight. I'm looking at you Spermy! :bahgawd:

Godna
Feb 4, 2013
I disappear and Win/lose a fight...and apparently performing well means I lose huh...Cool!

Pickled Tink
Apr 28, 2012

Have you heard about First Dog? It's a very good comic I just love.

Also, wear your bike helmets kids. I copped several blows to the head but my helmet left me totally unscathed.



Finally you should check out First Dog as it's a good comic I like it very much.
Fun Shoe
An Ant woman walks into the Petting Zoo's changing room twenty minutes before the match is due to start and hesitates just inside the door. Something is wrong, the lights are out. Suddenly a bag gets thrown over her head and a deep voice that sounds like it is made of gravel speaks to her.

"Commissioner Tink is verra upset"

Five minutes later, Pickled Tink's office

"I'm sorry that things had to come to this, Antwoman, but your manager has greatly irked me recently, and I have to exact a penalty if I do not wish to appear weak. You will remain here as my guest for the bout, thus ensuring your teams defeat." the new Commissioner said as they tidied the papers off thier desk. "Oh, and there is no need to be barbarians about it", the commissioner continued, then spoke to the hired help. "You may as well remove the bag from her head."

Pickled Tink's breath caught in their throat as the bag came off revealing the Ant womans face, and their own face went red with rage.

"YOU IDIOT! THIS ISN'T ANTWOMAN! YOU'VE GONE AND KIDNAPPED HER STUNT DOUBLE! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU'RE FIRED!"

---//---

:siren: Round 16, Fight 4 :siren:

The Petting Zoo (9-6), the home team, is on the left side of the arena.
Antwoman (Spermy Smurf) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields an iron large dagger, a copper large dagger, and a bronze large dagger and wears an iron helm, a copper mail shirt, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots.
A Lost Cowman (Locomotive breath) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears a silver helm, leather armor, a steel mail shirt, copper greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots.
Simon Belmole (Ablative) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper scourge and wears a copper helm, two copper mail shirts, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots.
Stephen Harper (ChickenWing) is a male serpent man. He wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.

A furry, a farmer, and two cows (5-10), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena.
Goku (Galick) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, and leather high boots.
Dontellim Pike (John Charity Spring) is a male human. He wields an iron pike and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.
Min/Maxotaur (Anchors) is a female minotaur. She wields a copper large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears a copper helm, three copper mail shirts, a copper breast plate, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots.
Rob Ford (Tirius) is a male minotaur. He wields an iron two-handed sword and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm, an iron mail shirt, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and leather high boots.

The Petting Zoo is a 6.19 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 15445.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2497.00 dwarfbucks for A furry, a farmer, and two cows.




On the left we have the despicable Petting Zoo, who are inexplicably the crowd favourites and fighting at home. On the right we have the visiting team A furry, a farmer, and two cows, underdogs and heroes.

And they are off, charging towards the centre of the arena to do battle.


A Lost Cowman makes the first attack of the battle, swinging his fist at Min/Maxotaur, who makes the first dodge of the battle. First blood goes to Dontellim Pike, who capitalises on A Lost Cowman's distraction to stab him in the foot, jamming his pike in the Zoo Minotaurs skin.

Goku grabs Antwoman's copper gauntlet as she scratches Min/Maxotaur's greaves with her iron dagger, then he punches her in the second right hand, exploding the limb into ruin and gore, earning himself a reward from the commissioner and causing antblood to flow freely.

Stephen Harper slithers up to Rob Ford and breaks the minotaurs right foot with his silver war hammer as he swung at Simon Belmole, who parried the strike with his scourge before retaliating with it. Rob Ford catches the blow on his shield, but it is too much and overbalances him on his injured foot and he falls to the floor.

Antwoman, while injured badly by Goku, does not let this stop her from slashing him across the left lower leg, breaking the bone, opening up the artery, and severing ligaments and tendons. As he falls to the ground A Lost Cowman lands a bruising punch on his left arm.

Not giving up, Goku heroically takes down Antwoman with his grip on her gauntlet, and she barely manages to parry Min/Maxotaur's dagger strike with her own as she regains her feet and then cowardly stabs the fallen Goku in the left leg once more, breaking his femur. Goku screams with pain before he passes out.

Meanwhile, the grounded Rob Ford attempts to gore Simon Belmole in the left arm, but cannot do anything against the Molemarians gauntlet. Simon turns and brings his scourge down on Rob Ford's head, and the sound of his skull fracturing can be heard from the stands. This is too much for the minotaur and his eyes roll up into his head as he slumps unmoving to the ground, unconscious.

Dontellim Pike, having freed his pike from the foot of A Lost Cowman, attempts once again to bring the behemoth down with a stab at the minotaurs face, slicing his tongue in half. The pike gets tangled in the mess of tissue and Dontelim Pike wrenches it free, but not in time to prevent the minotaur from punching him in the arm.

Meanwhile, Stephen Harper is beating the fallen Rob Ford with his tail. The Serpent man seems to realise he is getting nowhere with this approach and switches to his hammer. After a number of blows Rob Ford's head collapses into a misshapen bloody lump.

Min/Maxotaur seems to have seen that I am offering a reward for killing Antwoman and charges at her. As an unrelated aside, Jazzimus has made it fairly hard to hack the scoreboard to instead display messages declaring monetary rewards for certain specific acts of gruesome murder.

Antwoman leaps to the side as Min/Maxotaur charges past, but the minotaur turns around and charges her again, quickly, knocking her to the floor and sending her tumbling. Antwoman regains her feet in time to stab Min/Maxotaur in the left arm, sending the minotaurs blood and buckler to the arena floor. Another stab to the left hand sends her to the ground in pain.

The last remaining conscious visitor, Dontellim Pike finds himself hard pressed by A Lost Cowman, Stephen Harper and Simon Belmole. It is only a matter of time before he fails to block a stike, and that comes sooner rather than later as Simon Belmole's scourge tears apart the muscles of his left foot. He falls to the ground, fighting desperately to stay alive, but Antwoman turns away from the downed minotaur and delivers a brutal slash to his right arm, almost severing it. As this happens A lost Cowman puts his leg in a lock and collapses his hip into paste, while Simon Belmole lashes him in the guts with his scourge. Stephen Harper then delivers a hammer blow to the stricken human's arm. It is too much, he vomits and passes out from the pain.

All three remaining members of A furry, a farmer, and two cows are now unconscious. Stephen Harper crushes Dontellim Pike' head with his hammer, while Antwoman walks over and stabs Min/Maxotaur in the head with her dagger.



With them both dead they turn and advance on Goku, who regains consciousness long enough to swear before passing out once again as the four members of The Petting Zoo stand over him. Antwoman cuts off his head.



The Petting Zoo defeats A furry, a farmer, and two cows 4-0.

Kills:

Antwoman: 2
Stephen Harper: 2

Combat Log: Link

---//---

In the Commissioners box

Pickled Tink snarled, then picked up the phone and dialed a number they had received earlier that day. After a few rings a synthesised voice answered the phone and spoke "You have reached Munki's Mercenaries. Please specify your requirements."

"I need your best people to go into the arena and kill that bloody Antwoman!" the Commissioner growled.

"We have a squad of Trolls available. Experienced, armoured, well trained. The cost will be 1000 dwarfbucks each, plus a 500 dwarfbuck penalty fee for any injuries sustained."

Pickled Tink checked their wallet and cursed. "What can you give me for a tenner?"

Back in the Arena

Oh my god! In a shocking twist, six gremlin gangsters have charged into the arena, eager to make a name (And a few bucks) by killing a victorious gladiator team!

The Petting Zoo turned to face the oncoming hooligans, who were hooting and hollering as they waved their wooden flails around above their heads.

As they clashed, Antwoman slashed the leg off the leader with one dagger stroke and sent another strike through his chest, cleaving apart both his lungs. The gremlin corpse fell to the ground in an expanding pool of blood and she stepped over it to engage one of his friends.

To the side, Simon Belmole removed ones arm with his scourge before bringing his weapon back around with a flick of his wrist, splitting the gremlins head open. Temporarily blinded by the blood flowing into his eyes, the gremlin failed to dodge when Simon Belmole's jaws closed over his head, the force of the bite knocking him unconscious. This was probably a mercy as the savage molemarian started shaking the tiny figure about in his jaws.

A Lost Cowman, angered by the intrusion, charges one of the gremlins to the ground before smashing him repeatedly into the floor and then breaking his shoulder before goring him in the spleen and throwing him across the arena floor.

Stephen Harper smashed one of the silly gremlins in the ankle before biting his nose off and injecting the poor creature with his paralytic venom. The immobilised gremlin falls to the ground eyes wide with fear before Stephen Harper's hammer flattens its head.



The gremlin facing Antwoman received two simultaneous stabs to his right hand and hip. Before he could fall to the ground, Antwoman sliced off his arm and his ear. Then Simon Belmole's scourge came out from the side and removed the gremlins head before tearing the head off the gremlin in his jaws with his teeth. She scowls at his disgustingly before bending down and slicing the head off the gremlin A Lost Cowman had thrown.

With a final thud, Stephen Harper crushes the head of the final gremlin, and my hopes of revenge.

---//---

You win this time Spermy Smurf! :argh:

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Sadly, gremlin mooks only count in the case of a tie. The Petting Zoo bring up fifty kills, and Stephen Harper is the only one just under double figures, though his brace here shows promise.

Maugrim
Feb 16, 2011

I eat your face
If you fools had been bribing the commissioner like you should, he would have had more money to DESTROY THE ANTWOMAN SCOURGE

Hmm Team Laser Explosion's fight must be up soon

Heading to the bank, brb

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004

Pickled Tink posted:

You win this time Spermy Smurf! :argh:

:woop:

Also Chickenwing is slightly less dead to me.

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Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
Doublepost!

Tinkled and ZeeToo: are you going to run another fight? I don't do weekends, so I would run both of them in the next 10hrs if you aren't going to run another one this weekend.

Then people can upgrade and bet over the weekend.

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