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 Round 17, Fight 5 Worker Cooperative (9-7), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Combat Liberalism (Jack the Lad) is a female gremlin. She wields an iron large dagger and wears no armor. Unthrottle the Axolotl (Zwingley) is a female kobold. She wields a bronze scourge and wears a copper helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Jameson the Unruly (Cathode Raymond) is a male human. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears a copper cap, a copper breast plate, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. Albrik the Insignificant (Tiler Kiwi) is a male kobold. He wields an iron battleaxe and wears a bronze cap, a bronze mail shirt, bronze leggings, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots. A Tarantino Film (8-8), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Uma Thurman (I R SMART LIKE ROCK) is a female human. She wields a steel two-handed sword and wears an iron helm, leather armor, and an iron mail shirt. Urist McLee (Fuubi) is a male dwarf. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm. Snarls Barkley (Bene Elim) is a female werewolf. She wields a bronze pike and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Solomon Rabinowitz (Added Space) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, a steel mail shirt, steel gauntlets, and steel high boots.  Worker Cooperative is a 1.58 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 3291.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2088.00 dwarfbucks for A Tarantino Film.  Homefield advantage on the left again.  The gladiators are bloodthirsty today. The first flurry of blows sends Uma to the floor with Combat's dagger in her leg. Urist punches Combat's hand to pieces and Uma removes the arm. Haven't seen a mangled arm fly through the air in a while. Usually they are pristine condition arms still in their shrink wrap.  Unthrottle lashes Urist's leg so hard that bone collapses and down goes the dwarf. Snarls blocks a blow from Albrik and sends his pike into Jamesons leg. Jameson passes out. Urist, grounded, manages to grab Combat's throat and strangles the gremlin until he passes out. Snarls Barkley stabs Jameson in the right lower leg with her bronze pike, fracturing the bone through the copper chain leggings! Urist McLee strangles Combat Liberalism's throat! Combat Liberalism passes out. Jameson falls over. Jameson gives in to pain. Combat Liberalism falls over.  Solomon bites Jameson who is now paralyzed and still not moving. Urist laments that he's injured badly and there is no hope... and then he punches Combats skull so hard it shatters.  Unthrottle dives forward to save the day. Uma Thurman, grounded and in severe pain, swipes her sword in his direction and Unthrottle drops with a sliced achilles. Another swing and his leg falls off.  Uma removes his arm, and finally his head. Snarls has been absorbing blows from Albrik while his teammates focus on Jameson who is being thrashed by Solomon's powerful jaws. Snarls just can't catch the dodgey little kobold. Isn't this what happened last time I ran a fight for Workers Coop? Albrik the last man standing and hopelessly outnumbered?  Jameson finally dies to Umas steel sword.  This frees up Solomon to help chase Albrik while Urist and Uma crawl/drag their broken legs in that general direction.   You gotta give it to Albrik. He dodged forward and chopped one of Umas legs off before Snarls manages to shatter his spine.  After that it's kind of game over. Uma chops him in half with that deadly sword. A Tarantino Film wins with the 2nd straight "gently caress your home field advantage" fight with a perfect 4-0 victory. Kills: Uma Thurman: 3 Urist McLee: 1 Combat Log 
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May 16, 2016 19:37
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| # ? May 10, 2024 00:04 |
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May 16, 2016 19:40
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 worker cooperative
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May 16, 2016 19:46
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Okay I'm slightly less worried about our upcoming games now. Only slightly though 
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May 16, 2016 19:48
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ChickenWing posted:Okay I'm slightly less worried about our upcoming games now. I can't figure this poo poo out. We win one of these two and we're in. Otherwise we're praying for a perfect storm of losses so that our kill count wins us the slot, right?
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May 16, 2016 19:50
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Spermy Smurf posted:Kills: Those extra levels of Fighting I got sure did pay off; I'm so proud of you right now. 
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May 16, 2016 21:28
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Uma Thurman joins Snarls on double figures, not so much a one-wolf team now. Both teams are level on 9-8, but Tarantino Film have a slender 3-kill lead. This one will go down to the wire!
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May 16, 2016 22:09
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Goddammit Unthrottle, stop getting loving grappled.  I'd like to apologize to Comrades Combat Liberalism, Jameson the Unruly, and Albrik the Insignificant on behalf of my piece of poo poo kobold.
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May 16, 2016 22:55
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Spermy Smurf posted:gently caress, I thought we were hometeam against Hells Dentists. Welp.
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May 17, 2016 04:46
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Woah, are Worker Cooperative now out of the running for playoffs? e: Woah, no, okay, it looks like everything hinges on ours and A Tarantino Film's results in the final round
Jack the Lad fucked around with this message at 09:35 on May 17, 2016 |
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May 17, 2016 09:28
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we are super duper hosed
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May 17, 2016 10:14
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Spermy Smurf posted:Urist, grounded, manages to grab Combat's throat and strangles the gremlin until he passes out. That must have been Urist's first non-killsteal kill! I'm both proud and pissed off that he broke the streak... 
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May 17, 2016 10:48
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Round 17, Fight 6 The Plump Helmets (11-5), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields two copper spears and wears a bronze cap, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots. Team Laser Explosion (7-9), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Anthony (dasmause) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Mogwai (Dark Off) is a female gremlin. She wields a copper large dagger and a silver buckler and wears a copper helm, leather armor, and copper gauntlets. Molegrim (Maugrim) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, copper gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Turquoise Tonic (Hihohe) is a male human. He wields a silver mace and an iron buckler and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots.  The Plump Helmets is a 7.44 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 6461.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 868.00 dwarfbucks for Team Laser Explosion.  Is this the most one-sided betting yet? My 50 dorfbux will net me like 51.  The gladiators start off with Dory's spear failing to penetrate Anthony's armor. However, it bruises his heart and enrages the man-beast. Anthony's arm is shattered by James, and Anthonys return punch passes right through Dory's chest somehow. I wish I knew what the "It is a Mystery" smiley was.  Molegrim stabs James in the leg in retaliation. Panty Thief arrives and gets stabbed in the left leg by Molegrim immediately. They are both in pain... Dory needs to hurry up with Anthony, and she must know this because her next stab breaks Anthonys spine and sends the paralyzed tiger to the floor. James removes an arm from the downed tiger.  Panty Thief continues his charge directly into Molegrims spear and the yeti passes out. A lot of attacks land on Anthony including tearing open his throat, guts, liver, and leg. But what the gently caress does he care? He can't feel anything! His teeth are still latched on to Dory's leg when James takes off Mogwais foot.  Turquoise Tonic smashes Josie's hand to paste and Josie drops her weapon. James plants his halberd inside of Mogwai's chest cavity and the little dude is having problems breathing and keeping blood inside of his body. Molegrim stabs Panty Thief in the head and earns himself a kill. Dory makes a huge mistake. While leaning down to get some leverage on her spear that is embedded in Anthony, the tiger lifts his head and bites Dory's skull. A thrash back and forth and Dory checks out. What the gently caress is going on here? Team Laser Explosion is winning... And they're winning very very easily.  Turquoise continues out-bashing the Budgeonatrix down south. James continues halberding the unfeeling Anthony to little effect. Mogwai dragged himself close to Dory and begins working on the skull. Molegrim arrives and finishes the job.  Anthony has no limbs left that work. He couldn't move them anyway, and being paralyzed is the only thing keeping him in the fight. Turquoise finishes his savage beating of Josie by fracturing her shoulder and arm in rapid succession.  That silver mace crumples her skull. One for Turquoise. Everyone converges on the already-in-pain James Largesausage.  You know what the best part is? The paralyzed and skewered Anthony didn't need any help with James. James decides to bite Anthony. Anthony bites back, nearly tearing his arm from the socket. Then he begins shaking the human around. James passes out when Molegrim arrives and begins lending a spear to the human.  Molegrim takes the kill. Team Laser Explosion just mopped the floor with the clear favorites. What the gently caress just happened? Is this the 2nd or 3rd homefield advantage loss this round? I was so amazed I even double checked the macros afterwards to make sure they didn't gently caress up. Kills: Molegrim: 3 Turquoise Tonic: 1 Combat Log  Look at those ROI's! Holy poo poo.
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May 17, 2016 14:36
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Oh man I did NOT expect that. We may be going out but at least we're going out fighting!
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May 17, 2016 14:40
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Man, against the odds like Leicester City. Turquoise hits the benchmark of 16 kills, an entire division, with Molegrim just one behind him. Syrupleaf is the division that keeps on giving, with just one win and three kills between second and last. If Laser Explosion repeat the feat against Tarantino Film, they replace them in the league, either second or third depending if the Plump Helmets recover or go out with a whimper.
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May 17, 2016 15:43
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drat I'm good at betting. I totally saw this coming a mile away, but I imagine we all did, deep down. Anyway, good job TLE! I knew you could do it, or something like that.
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May 17, 2016 16:25
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I have run Worse Munki VS This Bites, but I need more sleep so you can all wait for it.
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May 17, 2016 17:35
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These last few rounds have been really harsh. I have plummeted in the bet rankings. My team is on a losing streak while most lower ranked teams have been on crazy winning streaks. Conclusion: Worker Cooperative and its managers have been sabotaged by corrupt capitalistic commissioners. The cause of World Communism might have to be delayed until next tournament. Further notes: Team could probably benefit from adding a wrestle yeti, and using more spears and shields instead of big slashing weapons.
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May 17, 2016 18:46
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Pickled Tink posted:I have run Worse Munki VS This Bites, but I need more sleep so you can all wait for it. I am running that fight right now just to piss you off.
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May 17, 2016 18:52
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Spermy Smurf posted:I am running that fight right now just to piss you off. You should run my team's fight instead because I'm very important and influential.
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May 17, 2016 19:16
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Spermy Smurf posted:
Darn i had gut feeling that mogwai would carry this why didn't i go all in
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May 17, 2016 19:31
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Clearly I borked the home field advantage by betting on the home teams. 
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May 17, 2016 19:41
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Round 17, Fight 7 Lightly Whipped (0-16), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Ghost-trees (jon joe) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper flail and a wooden buckler and wears a copper mail shirt. Trump's Viscous Discharge (goatface) is a female minotaur. She is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, and bronze high boots. Grimmik (FillInTheBlank) is a male gremlin. He wields a silver whip and wears an iron helm. Jupis Tooki McGannel (GreyPowerVan) is a male strangler. He wields a copper whip and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm, a copper mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Go big and/or go home (9-7), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Snowshank Redemption (A good poster) is a male yeti. He wields a copper large dagger and wears an iron mail shirt, copper greaves, and copper gauntlets. Tyler Durden is Hobbes (habituallyred) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, and iron high boots. 3 Wolf Moon Shirt (iLonie) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears a leather cap, leather armor, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Slam Whale Willy (potatomanjack) is a male werewolf. He wields a silver mace and a wooden buckler and wears an iron cap, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Go big and/or go home is a 3.27 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 5000.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1530.00 dwarfbucks for Lightly Whipped.  Go Big is on the right. Our resident whipping boys are on the left.  The clash takes forever before blood is spilled. In the meantime Slam Whale Willy ends up with a broken arm from Jupis and Snowshank has a broken spine (but it doesn't paralyze the yeti) courtesy of Grimmik. 3 Wolf Moon slashes Trump for first blood, but it's Ghost-Trees blood that hits the floor first. Snowshank pulls his dagger from Ghost-Trees foot and makes ready.  Trump takes a charge from Hobbes and is sent to the floor in pain. Up north in the melee Grimmik bruises a yeti lung, and the yeti responds by chopping one of Ghost-Trees arms so badly that he can't hold a buckler.  3 Wolf Moon continues his onslaught and chops Trumps hand wide open. Trump gores in return and bruises the werewolfs lung. Jupis has been forced to dodge back from Slam Whale Willy but manages to bruise the werewolfs heart. Trump's Discharge: I was attacked. I'm really starting to panic. Trump shows off what Lightly Whipped is all about. Grimmik continues to win his "the yeti isn't even looking at me" fight and sends Snowshank to the floor with a shattered foot. Slam Whale Willy decides to pile on Ghost-Trees and pulps a hand with a mace. Jupis fractures Slam Whale's hand in retaliation.  Snowshank continues to stab with that deadly dagger. Jupis's hand flies off. Down south 3 Wolf Moon manages to dislodge Trump's teeth from his skull and plants a sword in the minotaurs arm.  The werewolf steps back to watch Trump fall, but Trump refuses to go down. Instead the huge minotaur bites 3 Wolf Moon a second time and the bite is so powerful 3 Wolf Moon drops to the floor. Grimmik further shatters Snowshanks spine which fails to paralyze the huge yeti. Jupis tears Hobbes' teeth out and sends them flying. Who knew that tigers had so many teeth?  Slam Whale Willy bites Ghost-Trees which enrages the moleman. Hobbes nearly tears one of Ghost-Trees feet off with a scratch. Jupis dodges back into the melee and shatters Snowshanks arm and down goes the massive gladiator. Holy poo poo. Someone check the score. By my count it's 4-2 active fighters in favor of Lightly Whipped.  Trump finally finishes with 3 Wolf Moon while everyone else starts weakening Snowshanks skull.  Hobbes gets pissed and charges at least once (gently caress reading the logs I'm just making poo poo up now) and Ghost-Trees is slammed to the floor stunned. Jupis and Grimmik work on Snowshank while Slam Whale Willy moves to help against Ghost-Trees.  Oh, Ghost-Trees was thrown that distance. He finally skids along the floor and comes to a halt. Slam Whale and Hobbes are ruining his poo poo. Grimmik's 9000th whipping finally breaks through the yeti's skull for a kill.  The plucky team moves to attack Hobbes and Slam Whale from behind. Ghost Trees continues to take massive punishment. Bone shatters, parts turn to gore, tendons sliced, ligaments chopped, it's just amazing he is still alive.  Jupis whips Hobbes so hard that the tigermans hand shatters. Grimmik does the same to Slam Whale Willy. The screenshotted arm never happened. I think this is the original arm that flew off finally landed right in the melee and made me think it was new.  Ghost Trees finally gets killed by Slam Whale. Now the two wounded fighters turn to face the smaller 3 fighters who are hounding them.  Slam Whale can't keep up with all of the shattered bones he has... One last spine-shattering blow from Jupis sends him to dreamland.  Hobbes is left to deal with the three upstarts. Jupis shatters his spine as well moments later. Hobbes lashes out once more and Trump's finger explodes, and he gives in to pain as well.  Grimmik gets a second kill of the match.  Hobbes passes out from Jupis whipping another one of his arms to pieces.  30 minutes later they manage to get through the tigers skull and helmet. It took Trump waking up and goring to do it though. Lightly Whipped loving CRUSHED THEIR LOSER OPPONENTS. IT WASN'T EVEN CLOSE HOW EASILY THEY WON THAT. (4-1 victory) A good poster, habituallyred, iLonie, potatomanjack should all be publicly shamed. Join me in shaming them, and maybe we can talk about forcing them to wear a cone of shame in future tournaments or something. Kills: Trump: 2 Grimmik: 2 Slam Whale Willy: 1 Combat Log  I MADE 4 DORFBUX OUT OF A SINGLE DOLLAR 
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May 17, 2016 20:18
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What on earth is up with this round!? 
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May 17, 2016 20:24
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I legitimately think Jazz hosed with the macros in some fashion. They run clean for me time and again so I don't even know. It's the same DF I've been running for the last 6 months, so I am as baffled as the rest of you. Edit: I forgot to post our heroes.   
Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 20:37 on May 17, 2016 |
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May 17, 2016 20:27
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Jupis actually has like 6-7 poitns in lashing, so the 1 extra from home advantage mattered a lot i think.
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May 17, 2016 21:02
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losing to lw has to be some very shameful poo poo
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May 17, 2016 21:26
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Yes! Little buddy Grimmik, I love you.
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May 17, 2016 21:34
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Holy expletive deleted. Grimmik is blooded in the penultimate round! Lightly Whipped almost doubled their kill tally as they get their first win at the seventeenth time of asking. Now, if you have less than 10 kills, you are not as good as lightly whipped. Go big just got sent home in the most humiliating fashion.
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May 17, 2016 21:54
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I am going to have to ask commissioners to stop running fights on opposite day.
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May 17, 2016 22:47
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Well done to lightly whipped
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May 17, 2016 23:10
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 This round has made me question everything I thought I knew. I am adrift in a sea of confusion. Left is right and right is left. Black is white and white is black. Down is up and up is whips.
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May 17, 2016 23:28
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Trump has four kills now. SHE has killed a whole team! It's a christmas miracle.
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May 17, 2016 23:49
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The one fixed point in the world has come undone.
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May 18, 2016 00:10
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Congratulations to all the children.
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May 18, 2016 00:16
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The 16 match losing streak has ended! That's a REALLY rough loss for Go Big, which would have almost been a lock for the playoffs with a win. They can still get into the playoffs with a win at home in the final round, but they'll have to earn the win against Subterranean Animists, which has been the best team in the tournament to this point. Jazzimus Prime fucked around with this message at 03:06 on May 18, 2016 |
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May 18, 2016 03:01
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If we managed to play spoiler with our only win... I will be content.
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May 18, 2016 04:35
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What a spectacularly bad idea this style of home field advantage was!
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May 18, 2016 12:13
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Splode posted:What a spectacularly bad idea this style of home field advantage was! Counter Argument: That was really funny when Lightly Whipped won.
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May 18, 2016 12:19
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| # ? May 10, 2024 00:04 |
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So... correct me if I'm wrong, but, in the last round, if A Tarantino Film loses to Team Laser Explosion 3-4 in kills, and Worker Cooperative loses to Plump Helmets 3-4 in kills... then we would have a three-way tie in wins and in kills?? In the unlikely event that that happens, I would like to suggest a proper battle royale for the spot. Or just give it to A Tarantino Film because they are clearly more worthy.  Edit: details Edit #2: I'm an idiot and I can't math~ Fuubi fucked around with this message at 13:30 on May 18, 2016 |
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May 18, 2016 12:51
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