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 Round 17, Fight 8 Cool Rad Awesome Pals (5-11), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Punc Hant (Silverminnow) is a female soldier ant woman. She is empty handed and wears no armor. BS-45 "Apeliminator" (alcharagia) is a male strangler. He wields a copper pick and wears an iron cap. Jimbo Akimbo (Bad Munki) is a male dwarf. He wields two copper war hammers and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. The Krying Bowbold Returns! (Krysmphoenix) is a female kobold. She wields a steel bow and wears no armor. Subterranean Animists (14-2), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Braun Strowman (Frozen_Flame) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields two copper short swords and an iron short sword and wears an iron helm, two copper mail shirts, iron leggings, and iron gauntlets. Baldwin (captaindirtnap) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, iron gauntlets, and steel low boots. Qwarf (C7ty1) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and steel gauntlets. Dusseldwarf (decoy badger) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots.  Subterranean Animists is a 2.20 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 5078.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2306.00 dwarfbucks for Cool Rad Awesome Pals.  I can't believe CRAP isn't the betting favorite with the homefield advantage.  Bowbold fires off an arrow and it catches Braun in the abdoman. Thorax is cracked and bleeding, and Braun stops to throw up. You can kind of see when it turns green the antwoman turns into a green X which is the point of arrow contact. Braun Strowman: In the midst of conflict... I am not scared! Braun Strowman vomits.  The gladiators meet and another arrow flies into the melee. The arrow flies true and sends Qwarf to the floor with a shattered shin bone. Apeliminator lands a devastating blow against Baldwin and skewers the dwarfs most cherished organ: the liver. The antwomen collide with Punc Hant living up to her name and punching one of Brauns feet into pieces. Braun becomes enraged and immediately passes out.  Baldwin impales Punc Hant and it seems the Animists are going to rally. And then Punc Hant reaches past the spear still in her abdoman and punches Qwarf in the neck. It causes a bruise, but it's enough to push Qwarf over the edge into dreamland.  Braun Strowman dies to Punc Hant's deadly fists.  Baldwin pulls his spear back and thrusts it back into Punc Hant and the antwoman follows Qwarf into dreamland by mere seconds.  Baldwin adjusts his spear location and Punc Hant is done as well. Apeliminator has been forced to dodge backward. Jimbo and Dusseldorf duel down south with neither fighter doing anything of note, but neither fighter taking a wound worth mentioning either.  Another arrow flies into the melee as Apeliminator attacks the unconscious Qwarf. The arrow strikes Qwarf in the same leg, just a bit higher up. It would have been a game-changing shot if it had landed on either of the conscious fighters.  Apeliminator changes targets but this just draws Baldwins rage. The dwarf parries a blow easily with the butt of his spear and then the pointy end sticks Apeliminators arm. Apeliminator apparently didn't learn because he tries the exact same attack, Baldwin parries the exact same way, and then sticks a different arm. This is too much and Apeliminator passes out.  Baldwin takes a second kill of the match. Jimbo takes a step back to catch his breath and curse his team. Once again it's Jimbo vs the world. Maybe Bowbolds next arrow will be helpful?  Jimbo bravely dodges to his right, forcing the enemies to turn their back to Bowbold. It's a pretty smart move... and then the arrow arrives. Baldwin blocks it with his shield easily and scratches Jimbo's stomach which bruises guts. Dusseldorf and Baldwin are two terrifying gladiators. Jimbo is at their mercy; I don't think any single gladiator would do any better against these two. He stops to vomit and then Baldwins spear is inside of him. Jimbo stands tall and counter attacks, but his knee is cut out from under him by Dusseldorf. Jimbo goes down and it's lights out for him.  Bowbold is trying to reload when Baldwin skewers Jimbos brain.  Bowbold manages to reload but Baldwin blocks the arrow easily for a second time.  Dusseldorf is first on the scene. His spear chops Bowbold twice, sending the kobold to the floor.  Baldwin was just a step behind and lines up his first blow to puncture a kobold skull. Subterranean Animists show why they are 15-2 by pulling off a 4-1 victory when the fight started out as poorly as a fight could possibly go. Kills: Baldwin: 4 Punc Hant: 1 Combat Log 
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May 18, 2016 14:32
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And that's it for me. I'm at a conference starting tonight until Sunday. Zee and Tinkled will have to finish the round.
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May 18, 2016 14:41
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At least some things are still right in this topsy-turvy round.
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May 18, 2016 15:13
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That's 60 kills for the Animists! If they win the next round, they will have one kill for every single gladiator in the event. Baldwin's masterful solo rampage nets him a clean sweep that draws him level with Qwarf on 17 kills, although Qwarf or Baldwin cannot now catch up to the devastating Dusseldwarf on 22. The Animists are one of only two teams along with Worse Munki that have a chance of finishing with two gladiators with 20 or more kills. No effect on the playoffs: the Animists qualified a long time ago, the Pals were already eliminated from contention.
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May 18, 2016 15:53
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i hadn't even noticed a new round had started until this fight
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May 18, 2016 21:00
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Glad to see the status quo remains, I wouldn't want these last few rounds to be TOO much of an upset.
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May 18, 2016 21:03
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Spermy Smurf posted:
what I leave town for a week and come back to this? How did this happen, and where should I go for a cone of shame?
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May 19, 2016 07:59
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Spermy Smurf posted:I am running that fight right now just to piss you off.  ---//--- Round 17, Fight 1 Worse Munki (11-5), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Experiment Twenty-Two (fallingdownjoe) is a female tigerman. She wields an iron long sword and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, and iron gauntlets. Strangler Than Fiction (Tunicate) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, a steel mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, copper leggings, bronze gauntlets, and copper low boots. SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS (Pittsburgh Lambic) is a male elf. He wields a silver war hammer and wears leather leggings and leather high boots. Chaz Steadyfist (Segway Rave) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a silver helm, leather armor, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets. This Bites (4-12), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Knife Toseeu (synthorange) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears a bronze cap and a copper mail shirt. Sun Tzulander the Philomodel (Keru) is a male elf. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a silver mail shirt, copper leggings, silver gauntlets, and platinum low boots. Roland Gorchnik (Maarak) is a male human. He wields a copper scourge and wears an iron cap, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots. Eyeteeth IV (Revenant Threshold) is a male werewolf. He wields a copper shield and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, and copper high boots. Time for some Pre-Match announcements. First: If any of you parked your car in the north lot, I am afraid that it was, in fact, a barge and your car is now on its way to China. Since none of you are willing to bribe me, I have to make ends meet somehow. Secondly, the Commissioner would like to apologise for the lateness of the fight, but someone (Probably Spermy) switched my stimulants for the sedatives I was trying to sneak into the Stranglers food bowls.  Worse Munki is a 4.79 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 14386.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 3006.00 dwarfbucks for This Bites.  And here we have it. Both teams have entered the arena, and on the left we have the home team Worse Munki, which I am told I have never met before, and on the right we have the visiting team, This Bites. Oh dear, those stranglers look all jittery and feisty. What have you done Spermy? The starting siren sounds and the teams advance on one another. The two elves are the first to meet, with SRIRACHA swinging his silver hammer at Sun Tzulander, who leaps aside and into the jaws of Strangler Than Fiction, whos jaws close with amazing force on the elfs silver gauntlet. Before SRIRACHA can capitalise on the other elfs misfortune, he has to duck under a strike from Roland Gorchnik that might have taken his head off. Sun Tzulander has no time to dislodge his limpet strangler as Experiment Twenty-Two arrives on the scene. He punches at her, bruising her arm before she passes him on by. He then hears the renewed sounds of strangler growling and looks down at his arm in alarm, but it is not coming from Strangler Than Fiction, but instead from Knife Toseeu, his own teams pet strangler, as she attempts to take a chunk out of the male stranglers foot. Despite her enthusiasm, however, her teeth slide off his boot. Meanwhle, the two werewolves, Chaz Steadyfist and Eyeteeth IV meet in the middle and begin a duel. For the moment they seem evenly matched, neither being able to land a blow on the other.  Sun Tzulander, finally alone with a moment to collect himself, reaches down and pries Strangler Than Fiction's jaws off his arm. He barely has time to shake the circulation back into the limb before Strangler Than Fictioon, now frothing at the mouth and screaming incoherently, bites into his lower body through his silver mail shirt and shakes about so frantically that he manages to shake himself off, though not before doing some damage as blood can now be seen seeping through Sun Tzulander's mail. In a fight that does not (presently) involve a strangler, SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS charges at Roland Gorchnik and the two tangle and fall to the ground together. Roland is the first to find his feet, however, and lashes SRIRACHA in the left arm, severing an artery and, it seems, a bunch of nerves. With his left arm useless, he sees a strangler approaching and frantically tries to block Knife Toseeu's jaws with his right arm, which succeeds only in ensuring that it is his right arm locked in the jaws of the creature instead of his face. This is only a marginal improvement, however, since Knife Toseeu shakes his arm about in her jaws, shredding skin, muscle, nerves, and ligaments as she tears a bloody chunk out of his arm and swallows it as the hammer falls from his now useless fingers. Werewolf Update: They are still getting nowhere with their battle, but they do seem to be trading information on which cosmetics they use between blows. Eyeteeth is apparently envious of how silky and sleek Chaz keeps his fur. Likewise Chaz is impressed by how clean Eyeteeth keeps his teeth. The secret is apparently, according to the arena microphones, Armok Brand Dog Chews. Armok Brand Dog Chews: Great, even if you are only a dog during a full moon. Cha-Ching. That's another fifty bucks in sponsorship fees. I'll be able to eat tonight! You have to feel sorry for Sun Tzulander, he's stuck dealing with a berserk, and possibly rabid, strangler and nothing he can do seems to even slow the creepy little bastard down. Strangler Than Fiction just bit him in the upper body so hard that it looks like he has a bruised lung from the way he is wheezing and beating on it. The little strangler then finally lets go and, before Sun Tzulander can draw a fresh breath into his battered lungs, bites him in the right arm. This is too much for the beleaguered elf who passes out from pain and shock. Chaz politely disengages from Eyeteeth and splits the elfs head in half with his halberd.  Things are not looking good for Worse Munki's elf either, when Roland Gorchnik lashes off his entire right arm with his copper scourge. The elf retains his footing despite that wound before a second lash from the scourge overhwlems him and he passes out from pain. Roland then starts the work of attempting to kill the downed elf. With Chaz momentarily distracted shaking the blood off his halberd, and Experiment Twenty-Two briefly distracted by a stranglers teeth sliding off her iron helmet Eyeteeth IV charges at the tiger woman and bounces off her. She turns to see what hit her at just the wrong time and Knife Toseeu sinks her teeth into her leg. Before Eyeteeth can capitalise on this, however, Strangler Than Fiction bites him in the right arm tearing at the muscle, possibly infecting him with Stranglanthropy, or more likely just rabies. Eyeteeth and Experiment Twenty-Two share a glance that has a lot to say about their mutual dislike of stranglers as they prise the annoying little vermin off them, then both of them share another pained look when the stranglers both bite right on back in. Naturally, Experiment Twenty-Two is sick of this poo poo and uses her sword to lop off Knife Toseeu's first aright arm at the shoulder. Likewise, Eyeteeth IV is also sick of this poo poo and charges Strangler Than Fiction to the ground. Unfortunately for him, and fortunately for the strangler, Chaz picks this moment to come up behind him and hacks off his left hind paw, sending Eyeteeth to the floor just in front of the strangler. Chaz then drives his halberd into Eyeteeth's lower body, embedding his weapon in the fallen werewolfs guts. Nausea and pain flicker across Eyeteeth's face quickly before pain wins and he passes out. Experiment Twenty-Two drives her sword into his head, but it skips off his skull and merely opens a gash. Suddenly there is a loud cracking splat off to one side, and Roland Gorchnik rises from the body of SRIRACHA, who's head has finally split in half under his assault. He then heads over to the main fight where Experiment Twenty-Two, Chaz Steadyfist, and Strangler Than Fiction are all beating, biting, and stabbing at Eyeteeth's unconscious form. He lashes Experiment Twenty-Two in the right hind paw, tearing the nerves and an artery and dropping the tiger woman to the ground. Knife Toseeu then botes her in the right forepaw severing a motor nerve, and loses her second left hand to the tiger womans sword for her trouble. Any chance for a turnaround for the visiting team is then crushed when Chaz manages to cut off Eyeteeth's head. Strangler Than Fiction rushes over at Knife Toseeu and they start a biting and scratching brawl. Or at least that is what I hope it is, for all I know they might be attempting to mate. Evidently Experiment Twenty-Two shares my concerns and, lacking a bucket of water to throw over them, settles for stabbing at the female strangler, managing to lop off one of her toes. That was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back and Knife Toseeu passes out, from pain or blood loss I do not know. Then Chaz leans in and chops off the stranglers head, stealing his third kill of the match.  It is now Three members of Worse Munki against Roland Gorchnik of This Bites. Can he do it? Possibly! (no) Strangler Than Fiction[ bites him in the hand before Chaz charges him to the ground and stabs him in the right hand, shredding nerves, muscle, and sending blood pouring to the arena floor. Despite this, Roland regains his feet and attacks the downed Experiment Twenty-Two. She rolls away from the strike, however, and brings her sword up in a riposte that takes his right hand clean off. Roland Stares at his stump in shock when he should have been moving to one side and Chaz takes off his right leg below the knee as Experiment Twenty two slices his left foot off at the ankle. Roland falls to the ground and looks up in horror as Chaz stands over him and delivers a brutal overhand strike with his halberd reducing Roland's last good limb to ruin, and causing him to finally drop his copper scourge. Unsatisfied with merely disabling the limb, Experiment Twenty-Two slices off his left hand.  Above: Roland Gorchnik's wounds Despite all this, the human retains his awareness and botes Experiment Twenty-Two in the leg. It doesn't accomplish anything, but it is a worthy act of defiance from a brave man. Sadly, his strength finally fails him when Strangler Than Fiction bites him in what is left of his right arm and he passes out. Experiment Twenty-Two cuts off his head to claim the final kill and end the match, glaring at Chaz for his kill theivery.  A few moments later his head and limbs finally hit the ground and/or stop rolling  Worse Munki has defeated This Bites 4-1. Kills: Chaz Steadyfist: 3 Experiment Twenty-Two: 1 Roland Gorchnik: 1 Combat Log: Link Bets:  Oh, and I found SRIRACHA's lost arm after the match:  ---//--- I would like to apologise for taking so long to get this posted, but my sleep patterns got badly interrupted right before I ran the match and I have spent most of the last two days either asleep or so tired I would not have been able to post it at the standards I prefer. I finally got a few hours of proper solid consciousness going and banged it out quickly before my body could start sending sleep signals again.
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May 19, 2016 18:19
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What a ridiculous fight. I was sure we were going to get another upset in there, especially as Experiment Twenty-two did absolutely bugger all for the first half of the match.
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May 19, 2016 18:25
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Chaz Steadyfist is up to a quarter century of kills, drawing level on the top of the standings. This Bites register their 20th kill, making them twice as killy as lightly whipped. Another dead rubber, Worse Munki are through, This bites are out.
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May 19, 2016 21:45
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AJ_Impy posted:Chaz Steadyfist is up to a quarter century of kills, drawing level on the top of the standings. This Bites register their 20th kill, making them twice as killy as lightly whipped. All of the division championships have been determined, but there are still wild-card spots up for grabs! With a win, The Petting Zoo can clinch one of the four wild card spots this round.
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May 20, 2016 00:47
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Edit: wrong DF thread derp Edit 2: I just posted a rather lengthy journal post in the new DF LP thread. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but since it concerns Urist McLee and takes place 99% at the arena, I thought you guys might be interested.  https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3774792&pagenumber=7&perpage=40#post460095198 Fuubi fucked around with this message at 12:29 on May 20, 2016 |
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May 20, 2016 05:26
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Fuubi posted:Edit: wrong DF thread derp You can post journal entries in this thread if you want. There are no rules against it.
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May 20, 2016 12:35
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Jazzimus Prime posted:You can post journal entries in this thread if you want. There are no rules against it. Well, true, but I rather just link it, rather than posting something as bulky as that in two threads that share most of their viewers.
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May 20, 2016 12:52
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You guys didnt forget about this did you? I will run both fights monday if no one has done them or started them by then. Also, finally read the Urist crossover journal update. Well done, much better than the crap I write on the forums. I am already dreading the playoffs when I have to effortpost with a story and poo poo. Its been 6 months and I have as many ideas now that I did back then. Hint: zero Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 00:57 on May 23, 2016 |
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May 23, 2016 00:46
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Spermy Smurf posted:You guys didnt forget about this did you? You're doing Armok's work, man. 
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May 23, 2016 00:54
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Among various things in the latest DF patch:quote:Made pain from broken tissues depend on relative part size
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May 23, 2016 01:58
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Spermy Smurf posted:You guys didnt forget about this did you?
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May 23, 2016 04:21
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Sorry for the delay.. Round 17, Fight 2 Two Chicks with Dicks (9-7), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Suck & gently caress Pighead (Dirty Frank) is a female goblin. She wields a silver war hammer and wears an iron helm and an iron mail shirt. Bo (Haystack) is a male human. He wields a bronze short sword and a wooden shield and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Stumpy (Mygna) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Richard Kyanka (Lorrdernie) is a male dark gnome. He wields a bronze large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears no armor. Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow (7-9), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Here comes Mongo! (Endorph) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a copper mail shirt, copper leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. sn (ZeeToo) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and a wooden buckler and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, a copper breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Face (Godna) is a male troll. He wields a copper two-handed sword and wears a silver cap, a copper mail shirt, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and silver high boots. Jakob (frankenfreak) is a male werewolf. He wields a bronze mace and wears a copper helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Two Chicks with Dicks is a 2.49 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 4112.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1650.00 dwarfbucks for Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow. First of all I would like to congratulate the arena janitorial staff for their fantastic work on their sea world exhibit over the weekend. I just wish that they hadn't simply pulled out the plug and hoped for the best when they were done. It turns out that, unlike goldifsh, carp do not fit all the way down the plumbing, even if you push them really hard.  On the left, up to their knees in water, we have Two Chicks With Dicks, presumably already planning some kind of elaborate revenge against the janitorial staff for this mess. On the right we have the visiting team Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow. Jakob, in particular, looks unhappily damp. Not even werewolves like the smell of wet dog it seems. The shower of sparks as the waterlogged sirent explodes heralds the start of the battle, and the two teams wade across the arena to do battle. The first attack of the match comes from Bo as he stabs Jakob in the right knee with his bronze short sword, severing muscle and nerves. The werewolf curses loudly as the muscles in his leg tear apart and he loses feeling in the leg. This turns into a cry of horror as he falls facefirst into the water.  Jakob looks up from the water and takes a swing at Bo, missing the human as he danced away. Unfortunately his poor luck did not end here as Stumpy ran up and took off his arm at the elbow with her axe before jamming her axe in Jakob's sternum, cutting the heart and sending blood everywhere. Then the rest of the gladiators come together in a single large brawl. Here comes Mongo! reaches down and grabs Suck & gently caress Pighead by the toe and throws her into the air. Face advances and swings his two handed sword at the airborne goblin but misses her by a narrow margine as Richard Kyanka attacks Face with his dagger, failing to penetrate the large trolls breastplate. Here comes Mongo! then gores the poor goblin in the right arm, bruising her while Sn makes his appearance, spearing the poor airborne goblin in mid-air through the right forearm, opening up an artery with a spray of blood and severing many nerves. Mongo then attempts to gore her again, catching her in the eye before she hits the ground with a large splash. Suck & gently caress Pighead, wounded and floored, see's Mongo's face so close to her own and bashes the troll over the head with her silver war hammer, cracking the trolls skull, then takes advantage of the trolls momentarily stupefied expression to climb to her feet. Unfortunately for her, she discounted the badly wounded Jakob laying nearby with an axe stuck in his chest, and the werewolf bit into her right forearm with a spray of blood. Mongo recovers from his daze and performs a takedown on Suck & gently caress Pighead with his grip on her toe, which he had not released when he threw her. Beset on two sides, Pighead decides that Jakob's teeth are the greater threat to her at the moment than the trolls foot fetish and attempts to bash the demented werewolf's head in with her hammer but Jakob parried it with his mace before shaking her arm about in his jaws tearing free a large gob of flesh. Richard Kyanka, tired of being ignored by Face, punches him in his right horn. The troll turns on him and attempts to slice the gnome in half, but the gnome leaps back out of the way at the last second. Bo approaches the distracted troll from behind and slashes at him, but Face turns his failed swing at the gnome into a spin and manages to get his blade around just in time to parry the humans strike. Stumpy, unwilling to risk pulling her axe out of Jakob's chest at this time, punches Face in the tusk to no effect while Bo catches Face's retaliatory strike on his shield. Bo recovers from the blow and swings his sword at Face again, cutting the trolls left hand open and breaking his wrist sending more blood into the water below. Face responds by taking another huge swing at Bo, who again catches it on his shield, but before the troll can follow up on the advantage he has, Stumpy punches at the trolls face and he has to leap away. Richard Kyanka, once again unnoticed in the fray, slices into Face's hand, startling the troll and providing an opening for Bo to drive his shortsword into Face's foot, breaking the trolls ankle and sending him to the arena floor with a splash that covers them all with bloody water. In the other engagement Mongo suddenly decides that he is sick of holding on to Pighead's fourth toe on her right foot and releases it, only to grab her fourth toe on her left foot instead. As he brings his head down to inspect her feet, he accidentally gores her in the left hand, causing a minor bruise. Unfortunately Pighead is beset by more foes than a simple perverted troll and turns away to take aim at the molemarian Sn, hitting him in the upper body with her war hammer, bruising one of his lungs and sending him staggering back gasping for air. It turns out this was not the wisest course of action because Mongo gores her in the back, bruising her kidney. Back in the first engagement, Stumpy reaches down and tears off Face's toe with her fingernails as the grounded troll deflects Richard Kyanka's dagger with his sword. Bo takes a swing at Face's lower body but his sword slides off the trolls greaves and draws his attention once more, forcing him to once again raise his shield to block another blow from the two handed sword. This time, with the troll laying on his back in the water and slowed, Bo manages to counter-attack and draws a thick line down Face's left hand with his sword, splitting apart the trolls fat. Suck & gently caress Pighead, badly wounded and surrounded by enemies, finally loses control and lets out a roar of rage and swings her hammer at Mongo, missing him by milliters. Mongo performs another takedown on the enraged goblin, but she immediately leaps back to her feet. Jakob, realising the poo poo they are in if she gets a moment to act, bashes her over the head with his mace, stunning her. Mongo lunges at her and catches her war hammer with his right upper arm and charges her to the floor, but she refuses to stay in the bloody water a moment longer and climbs to her feet once again. Mongo tries to subdue her with his right hand, grasping the goblin by the ear, but she twists the hammer in his grasp and breaks the hand holding her ear. Mongo gives a roar of pain and gores her left hand with his horn, crushing it to paste, while Sn drives his spear into her. Pighead neither feels nor cares about these injuries in her enraged state, but she will still be overwhelmed without any assistance. And assistance arrives in the form of Bo, breaking off from the fight against face he turns and cuts off Mongo's left tusk, distracting him for the crucial seconds it takes for Pighead to brain him with her hammer, cracking the trolls skull. Mongo stands there with a stunned look on his face for a few heartbeats before he collapses to the floor witha splash, unconscious from pain. Despite felling one of her opponents, Pigheadgets no relief as Jakob sinks his teeth into her right foot, tearing muscles, nerves, and dragging her to the floor before shaking his head and tearing a large chunk of flesh from her leg, sending more blood gushing out into the water. Bo, rather than help his colleague, drives his dword into Mongo's head twice, the second stab penetrating the trolls skull and slicing apart the brain, killing him.  Jakob continues attacking the enraged Pighead, crushing her right foot with his mace. She responds by sinking her teeth into his shin in form that would do a berserker proud. Jakob shakes her free before shattering the bones in her right hand with his mace. Bo, perhaps writing off Pighead as a lost cause, returns to battle against Face, who has easily evaded everything Stumpy and Richard Kyanka could throw at him. He drives his sword into the distracted trolls right hand, slicing deep into the trolls thick fat. Richard Kyanka targets the same hand as the troll pulls it away from Bo and drives his dagger in, breaking the wrist and severing a motor nerve. Face gives a howl of pain as his sword spills from his grip before passing out. Bo and Richard Kyanka take turns driving their blades into the trolls head until Bo manages to split it in half.  Pighead is, amazingly, still conscious and fighting in her berserker rage. Jakob smashes her in the right ankle, shattering the bones in the joint and driving bone splinters into the surrounding muscle, and her only response is to give a roar of rage and punch Sn in the jaw hard enough to reduce it to a mangled lump of bleeding flesh. Sn finally manages to land a telling strike on the downed goblin, spearing her left hand and causing her hammer to fall from her now limp fingers as the motor nerve is severed. With Face dead, Stumpy turns her attention back to Jakob and wrenches her axe free of the werewolf's chest, probably sick of punching people. Nope, she turns and punches the downed werewolf in the mouth, knocking out a bunch of the werewolf's teeth. With the werewolf's world spinning, Bo stabs the werewolf in the left forearm, causing him to finally drop his mace and pass out from the pain of his injuries. Stumpy then stands over him and finishes what she started at the beginning of the match, cutting off Jakob's head.  All that is left of Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow is Sn the molemarian, and he advances on the collected forces of Two Chicks With Dicks with a determined expression on his hideous molemarian face. He head-butts a sword-blow from Bo and evades Pigheads punch and driving his spear through her left ankle. This is probably not the best target, but he seems to have decided that he wants to at least get a point on the board for his team before the end. He then thrusts his spear at Richard Kyanka but the gnome swats it aside with his dagger before smashing Sn in the ruins of his mouth, sending teeth flying. Sn then turns and drives his spear through Pighead's guts as the goblin berserker finally bleeds to death.  Now it is three versus one, but the heavily armoured molemarian is just too well defended for the remaining One Chick With Dicks to bring down. Bo charges at the molemarian and they tangle together and fall to the floor, but Sn regains his feet faster and drives his spear through Bo's sword hand, causing him to lose his weapon. Bo refuses to give up, attacking Sn over and over again with his shield until the molemarian tires of that and sinks his remaining teeth into the humans arm and shaking him about by it, tearing nerves and causing the shield to fall from his now useless arm and splash uselessly to the wet floor. After many, many, many useless and futile attempts to harm Sn, which I frankly refuse to write up, Stumpy manages to drive her axe through the molemarians armour, tearing apart his heart. It still doesn't kill the disgusting abomination, but it causes the strength to leave his limbs and he passes out from exhaustion. Once again Two Chicks With Dicks began flailing uselessly at a molemarian, and eventually it is Bo who kills him, kicking the molemarians head in.  Two Chicks With Dicks eventually defeated Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow 4-1 Kills: Bo: 3 Stumpy: 1 Sn: 1 Combat log: Link Bet results: 
Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 11:12 on May 23, 2016 |
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May 23, 2016 07:57
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Holy poo poo, S&F did well, and we need more killing power for the finals. What happened with the water?
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May 23, 2016 08:13
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Dirty Frank posted:What happened with the water? Just to clarify, it did not actually have an effect on the outcome of the fight.
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May 23, 2016 08:24
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I lied about running my own fight. It's a playoff fight, could cement the Petting Zoo a place in the playoffs if we win despite being visitors. I would run it if playoffs were already decided, but don't want to run it when it's still up in the air.
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May 23, 2016 16:34
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That could have went badly if S&F died sooner or if someone had locked onto sn before the rest of his team died. But I think we've made it into the play-offs now, since there are only four other second-place teams who can tie or exceed our record and only one of those can beat us in total kills, right?
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May 23, 2016 16:34
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Mygna posted:That could have went badly if S&F died sooner or if someone had locked onto sn before the rest of his team died. But I think we've made it into the play-offs now, since there are only four other second-place teams who can tie or exceed our record and only one of those can beat us in total kills, right? Yes, you're in the playoffs. Along with a lot of Johnny-Come-Lately formerly loser teams who have had ridiculous win streaks recently I'M LOOKING AT YOU PETTING ZOO, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU RUINED WORLD COMMUNISM, DID YOU KNOW THAT? AND TARANTINO WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM!?  Ahem... So as I was saying, as a manager I never get emotionally involved.
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May 23, 2016 16:46
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Pickled Tink posted:Just to clarify, it did not actually have an effect on the outcome of the fight. just kidding and disappointed
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May 23, 2016 16:52
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Can we do a match where there is a modest amount of acid at the bottom of the arena? It can act as sort of a time limit, "win the fight before your ankles melt" 
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May 23, 2016 16:54
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Pickled Tink posted:Grey was boring so I flooded the arena to a depth of 2/7. Pretty pretty blue. Remind me to petition toady to make unconsciousness in shallow water cause drowning.
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May 23, 2016 16:59
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Cathode Raymond posted:Can we do a match where there is a modest amount of acid at the bottom of the arena? It can act as sort of a time limit, "win the fight before your ankles melt" Briefly setting the temperature to 'Absolute zero' before switching it to 'Fire' gives gladiators about fifteen seconds of real time before bursting into flames 
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May 23, 2016 17:05
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Mygna posted:Briefly setting the temperature to 'Absolute zero' before switching it to 'Fire' gives gladiators about fifteen seconds of real time before bursting into flames Could we make the non-playoff teams literally fight in hell?  I want gimmick arenas dammit.
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May 23, 2016 18:56
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2CWD have two fighters on 14 kills and two on 10 kills, remarkably consistent. In contrast, SN becomes only the second Heavyweight to break double figures. The Horrorshow needed two wins to make the playoffs. They'routtahere. 2CWD hit double figures in wins, only the fifth side to do so. Their playoff place is pretty damned safe.
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May 23, 2016 22:00
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What are the current kill rankings, anyway?
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May 24, 2016 00:31
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TOMORROW. SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS VS THE PETTING ZOO. probably about this time, too... it's like the first chance I'll have to put together an hour at a single stretch to run the fight
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May 24, 2016 03:42
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Petting Zoo loses -2 to 4
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May 24, 2016 04:04
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Cathode Raymond posted:Yes, you're in the playoffs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQkB8XqYKqU
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May 24, 2016 06:23
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I'm really glad that Richard actually did something in that fight since he has been kinda useless as people have been able to afford more armor.
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May 24, 2016 06:27
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Okay LordErnie, no more hubris right? I'm touching wood, are you touching wood? Let's all touch wood together. Wood.
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May 24, 2016 07:49
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Haystack posted:What are the current kill rankings, anyway? I'll do a breakdown at the end of the round.
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May 24, 2016 15:06
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Dirty Frank posted:Okay LordErnie, no more hubris right? I'm touching wood, are you touching wood? Let's all touch wood together. Wood. No more hubris going into the last round. Math is not to be trusted.
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May 24, 2016 15:15
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Round 17, Fight 4  Spooky Scary Skeletons (7-9), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Tash Al'rhyn (tithin) is a female werewolf. She wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a silver cap, a copper mail shirt, a bronze mail shirt, copper greaves, leather gauntlets, and copper low boots. Three Gremlins in a Blender (AJ_Impy) is a male strangler. He wields an iron pick and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and leather low boots. Bad Munki (Coward) is a male kobold. He wields a steel bow and wears a leather cap. Candy Corn Tiger (Klokwurk) is a male tigerman. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm, an iron mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and iron high boots. The Petting Zoo (10-6), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Antwoman (Spermy Smurf) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields a copper large dagger, a bronze large dagger, and an iron large dagger and wears an iron helm, a copper mail shirt, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. A Lost Cowman (Locomotive breath) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a steel mail shirt, copper greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Simon Belmole (Ablative) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper scourge and wears a copper helm, two copper mail shirts, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Stephen Harper (ChickenWing) is a male serpent man. He wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  The Petting Zoo is a 1.17 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 8867.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 7584.00 dwarfbucks for Spooky Scary Skeletons . This should be interesting. The Skeletons are not the most intimidating team in the world... usually. As one of the archer teams, their performance can be quite swingy. And, of course, they have the homefield advantage. The Zoo, on the other hand, are definitely a team that could really suffer if one of their members is dropped quickly, so this could really turn into a slugging match if things go funny.  Bam. Bad Munki smashes Cowman's leg.  He's left behind. Candy Corn sticks Belmole in the hand. Three Gremlins strikes the mole in the same limb, further up. Blood shoots out in slow motion.  Antwoman is pushed clear back to Cowman's position.  A second shot flies. What sort of quick-draw expert is Bad Munki? This shot, though, hits only a shield. Antwoman shatters Tash's arm with a dagger thrust. The away team is not giving up, and Tash's injury is far more serious than Cowman's; she loses her hammer and her wakefulness. Antwoman makes it official: Tash is dogmeat.  That means that Cowman and Antwoman are well-positioned to interject into the central duel. And their teammate does need it: although Three Gremlins has taken a blow, Stephen is stunned by a charge and bleeding from several chops. So Antwoman punches Three Gremlins. That's the same haymaker that's knocked trolls on their asses before; Three Gremlins basically has his neck pulped.  Three Gremlins is not doing so hot. Don't mind Belmole; that's only an ear coming loose. Three Gremlins, though, loses both feet to Antwoman and suffers more from her compatriots.  Another arrow. It hits only Belmole, who doesn't mind pain. Candy Corn keeps charging at Belmole, knocking him back to the right half of the arena, finally breaking up the three-on-one. His halberd stabs Cowman hard enough that the minotaur gives into pain. On Candy Corn moves, next body-checking Antwoman to get her away from Three Gremlins, then chopping her foot off. Is Candy Corn going to carry the day single-handedly? Well, he's going to have to. After more beatings from Stephen, Three Gremlins bleeds to death.  An arrow. It flies straight through Stephen's liver and the serpent checks out. It's down to a one-on-one with a single back-up on each time. Candy Corn is fighting Antwoman, as by far the most competent remaining fighter on each team. Candy Corn can count on infrequent arrows from Bad Munki to help, but they may not target the right foe to help Candy Corn. On the other side, Belmole is still up and around, but not mobile enough to lunge in quickly. It's anyone's game, folks. So after I wrote the above analysis, I advanced time one instant and Antwoman stabbed Candy Corn in the ankle and he passed out. That was only his second injury of the match! Wuss. Antwoman stabs him to death.  A belated arrow. It hits the far wall. Another arrow flies before the wounded Zoo can approach Bad Munki. It rips through Belmole's torso, but doesn't stop the mole. Belmole reaches the kobold and with a quick one-two-three combination the kobold is driven into unconsciousness. Two more and the mole dies. Kills Antwoman: 2 Simon Belmole: 1 Stephen Harper 1 Combat Log Oh, yeah, and THAT'S THE END OF THE ROUND. PLACE YOUR NEW BETS AND UPDATE YOUR FIGHTERS.
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May 25, 2016 00:43
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I blame Bad Munki
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May 25, 2016 00:46
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