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Okuteru
Nov 10, 2007

Choose this life you're on your own
Inspirational English Teacher Canceled Out By Every Other Teacher At School

As someone who will be graduating college in a few days, its the same here at it was in high school. I've had professors who are awesome and others who I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.

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Tangents
Aug 23, 2008

:nws:It Turns Out Enough Of You Have Googled ‘Pikachu Breastfeeding Barack Obama’ For This To Be An Economically Viable List To Publish


drink of me, hussein obama

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Ok art team, we've got an assignment for you.

SpiderHyphenMan
Apr 1, 2010

by Fluffdaddy
I am a biological male.

Senior Woodchuck
Aug 29, 2006

When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home
Just so y'all know, there's a collection of Kelly cartoons coming out in September: http://www.amazon.com/Kelly-Cartoonist-America-Turns-N/dp/1631406841

Robert Denby
Sep 9, 2007
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, huh? Nah, get fucked mate.
From 2013.

Woman Who Cracked 3 Separate iPhone Screens Expecting Baby Boy This August

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

every staff artists dreams of this day

Get Innocuous!
Dec 6, 2011

come together
Biden Quietly Asks Obama To Pick Him Up Some Of Those Real Throwing Stars From Japan

calandryll
Apr 25, 2003

Ask me where I do my best drinking!



Pillbug
I'm going to miss Diamond Joe after this election.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


District Attorney Worked Way Up From Police Dog

Jokymi
Jan 31, 2003

Sweet Sassy Molassy
No Way! A Conga Line Of Just Bennys? And Who’s The Caboose?

I can't stop rewatching this video and I have no idea why. I'm not even laughing at it, it's just mesmerizing.

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Hannibal Smith posted:

No Way! A Conga Line Of Just Bennys? And Who’s The Caboose?

I can't stop rewatching this video and I have no idea why. I'm not even laughing at it, it's just mesmerizing.

omg double benny

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



i get what you mean though. as dumb as it is, this is my jam:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kinpjDK4Yp0

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



goddamned inspirational library music

Fellatio del Toro
Mar 21, 2009

Hannibal Smith posted:

No Way! A Conga Line Of Just Bennys? And Who’s The Caboose?

I can't stop rewatching this video and I have no idea why. I'm not even laughing at it, it's just mesmerizing.

I thought for sure this was gonna be firetrucks

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



p sure this is diamond joe in his youth. tall guy in sunglasses dancing up the middle of the stairs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcOxhH8N3Bo&t=115s

Last Chance
Dec 31, 2004

I fuckin love when they do those, I laugh every time

Bloopsy
Jun 1, 2006

you have been visited by the Tasty Garlic Bread. you will be blessed by having good Garlic Bread in your life time, but only if you comment "ty garlic bread" in the thread below
Blasts from the past:

IOC Clears Pros to Wrestle in 2000 Olympics

Yes, Sweetie, Mommy's Heard of Gil Scott-Heron

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Echo Chamber
Oct 16, 2008

best username/post combo
Feminism In Action! Justin Trudeau Just Completed A 3-Week Fast In Honor Of The Vagina

I hope this is the first in a series.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Horrified Man Suddenly Realizes He’s Putting Down Roots In Charlotte
Man Stuck In Dead-End Body
Man Googling ‘Tender Lump On Neck’ About To Begin Exciting New Phase In Life

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005



I have had a tender lump in my neck for a few days and I was just about to google it :stare:

zoux
Apr 28, 2006

NESguerilla posted:

I have had a tender lump in my neck for a few days and I was just about to google it :stare:

Lemme save you the trouble: it's an extremely painful and fatal exotic disease.

DaveWoo
Aug 14, 2004

Fun Shoe
Nation Unable To Recall If Trump Said He’d Personally Fund Abortion Bombings Or If That Just Sounds Right

clown shoes
Jul 17, 2004

Nothing but clowns down here.
http://www.clickhole.com/article/doubling-down-governor-pat-mccrory-has-spent-past--4425

MisterBibs
Jul 17, 2010

dolla dolla
bill y'all
Fun Shoe
Minecraft designer creates fictional world where he is oppressed by women

(not Onion and I'm sorry if its been linked to)

ekuNNN
Nov 27, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


SimonChris
Apr 24, 2008

The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.
Grimey Drawer
Progress: The USDA Is Adding Rosa Parks To The Food Pyramid

Gann Jerrod
Sep 9, 2005

A gun isn't a gun unless it shoots Magic.
Vanilla Ice—Who’s Doing Great!—Performs Ninja Turtles Rap At Movie He’s Not Part Of

Cumslut1895
Feb 18, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
Holy poo poo:

8 Photos Of Fat Emma Stone That I Have Brought To You From My Dimension At Great Personal Cost

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Report: Nobody loving Cares

Sad Kevin must have had a bad day.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Haven't there been a few in this style, where it's more of a creative writing project than anything?

I suppose the Onion review of Lord of the Rings is sorta close.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Love the line about being told their father was a great man :allears:

Family chooses different dog...

C.M. Kruger
Oct 28, 2013
Knocked-Out Secret Service Agents Wake To Realize Jimmy Carter Loose

Inferior
Oct 19, 2012

Nation's Overthinkers Convene to Determine What That's Supposed to Mean

I'm not sure what the Onion's implying with this.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


"He’s quick as hell and a lot stronger than he looks, and he’s smart—very smart. You can’t let your guard down for even a second."

Jimmy "Velociraptor" Carter :allears:

Tracula
Mar 26, 2010

PLEASE LEAVE
Not_The_Onion.txt
"At 96, Dr. Heimlich Uses His Own Maneuver on Choking Victim"
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/05/2...w.google.com%2F
Best part of the story:

Is this the first time Dr. Heimlich has ever used the maneuver to save a life?

“Yes, this is,” he said Friday. “I originally did my research studies that led to my developing it, which was in 1974, and I never considered that I would be doing it myself.”



Everything about this is so genuinely wonderful and makes me happy as hell :3:

Horace Kinch
Aug 15, 2007


If you need a hint, look here.

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Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



:thejoke:

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