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Jun 7, 2016 00:06
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I knew Slam Whale Willy was just playing useless through the regular season, and was ready to unleash hell once the season was on the line.... really I did. Biting an eyelid off is pretty hardcore 
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Jun 7, 2016 00:30
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 I wasn't expecting this result after the way the Animists destroyed Go Big in both regular season matches, but the big point bonuses for reaching the playoffs can change a lot of things.Wouldn't that be something if the tournament is won by the only team that lost to Lightly Whipped?
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Jun 7, 2016 00:53
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Until the big playoff point infusion, being big is a liability. Once they get points to throw around, here you go. Every member of Go Big added some amount of iron armor to their gladiators. Hobbes went from a two shot kill to the goddamn Terminator. I expected them to weapon up or skill up. Instead they countered us perfectly.
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Jun 7, 2016 02:10
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That iron chestplate was apparently heavy enough to slow my yeti to a crawl, and he still went down like a bitch. It's pretty great to go from stabbing to limb severing, though.
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Jun 7, 2016 02:34
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 Round 1, Fight 3 The Plump Helmets (12-6) is on the left side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields two copper spears and wears a steel cap, leather armor, a steel mail shirt, a bronze mail shirt, steel gauntlets, and steel high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields a steel halberd and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a platinum war hammer and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, a steel breast plate, steel greaves, steel gauntlets, and steel low boots. Two Chicks with Dicks (11-7) is on the right side of the arena. Suck & gently caress Pighead (Dirty Frank) is a female goblin. She wields a silver war hammer and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Bo (Haystack) is a male human. He wields a steel short sword and a wooden shield and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, iron gauntlets, and leather high boots. Stumpy (Mygna) is a female dwarf. She wields a steel great axe and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, bronze leggings, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Richard Kyanka (Lorrdernie) is a male dark gnome. He wields an adamantine large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears no armor.  Two Chicks with Dicks is a 1.26 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 26216.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 20829.00 dwarfbucks for The Plump Helmets.  This is why My Dad shouldn't be allowed to be on a team. Or he should only be allowed to tinker with his points while 6 beers deep. He probably did math ahead of time with point rollovers and stuff. That's basically wizardry and cheating. A fully encased steel armored Dory and Panty Thief? Then James with a steel weapon and fully encased in armor? Ugh, I feel bad for Two Chicks with Dicks right now. However: All that armor probably didn't leave a lot of room for skill upgrades. On the right we have some armor upgrades with huge weapon upgrades for everyone. I honestly think that's the only chance for Chicks with Dicks; they did well with their choices. Those weapons should cut through anything with ease, especially that blue dagger that Richard has. Pray for a devastating blow to connect since it appears no one had leftover points for skill on either team. Lets get this show on the road!  Panty Thief is just a bit slower than the rest of the fighters. Lets see how the opening salvo goes.  Bo blocks a blow from Josie on his shield, then separates her head from her tiny elven shoulders.  I'm 10 lines deep in the logs and Josie is dead. Holy loving poo poo. Two Chicks with Dicks can do this thing!  I advance a dozen heartbeats and Stumpy's great axe causes a mild bruise to James's chest although James only has iron armor. Panty Thief sends Stumpy to the floor stunned. Dory's spears slam into Suck and gently caress and fracture her leg.  Stumpy is stunned when James fractures her leg and then Panty Thief punches her in the spine which tears the nerves and makes Stumpy a paraplegic. Suck and gently caress causes some bruises to Dory and James from the floor, but James takes off her foot in retaliation.  Dory puts her considerable weight behind a spear and Suck and gently caress's helmet caves in. Panty Thief grabs Stumpy by the ankle and shatters the joint. Too bad Stumpy can't feel that. Richard Kyanka, with his adamantine dagger, leaps into the fray (again) but his blows are blocked (again and again). One solid blow is all the dark gnome needs.  Dory blocks a blow from Richard and then spears his right upper arm. Since Richard is so small he really needed that arm to hold his dagger. The blue dagger falls to the floor. Stumpy, from the floor, clangs a few blows off of Panty Thiefs armor to no effect. James Largesausage darts around Dory and swings at the distracted Bo. Bo's head is sent flying through the air, eerily reminiscent of what he did to Josie.  It was quite sudden, Bo hadn't taken a single injury, not even a bruise. He just missed one block and that happened.  Now we've got a paraplegic and a dark gnome with no weapon against 3 incredibly armored and deadly fighters.  Stumpy rolls away from a blow while Richard dives facefirst into one. Dory's spear shatters his leg and the dark gnome falls to the floor unconscious. Stumpy's knee is bent backwards by Panty Thief.  Dory takes off Richards head with her spear.  James removes Stumpys hand, and the dwarf no longer is able to hold her weapon.  Dory breaks her arm, James removes it entirely.  Panty shatters one leg, James cuts the other leg in half. James removes her left hand.  Dory's copper spear punches through a bronze helm to end the match. The Plump Helmets win with a 4-1 victory despite losing one of their gladiators five seconds into the fight. They are a terrifying team right now. Kills: Dory: 3 James: 1 Bo: 1 Combat Log 
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Jun 7, 2016 13:24
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There's 4 people on the team, spermy, not just me.
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Jun 7, 2016 13:42
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my dad posted:There's 4 people on the team, spermy, not just me. Yea. my dad just tells us how to spend our points. We get to choose the names of our fighters.
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Jun 7, 2016 13:48
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Making strategic decisions coordinated with the entire team is basically cheating, I demand a do-over!
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Jun 7, 2016 13:59
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An amazing turn around for Hobbes. I never thought a punching tigerman would be so useful in the playoffs. I would like to challenge Lightly Whipped to a rematch at some point...
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Jun 7, 2016 13:59
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Ouch, oh well  GG TPH
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Jun 7, 2016 14:00
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my dad posted:There's 4 people on the team, spermy, not just me. Afriscipio posted:Yea. my dad just tells us how to spend our points. We get to choose the names of our fighters. This exchange is hilarious. I am just pickin on you, My Dad. Don't take offense. I was telling my team we'd likely see you guys roll with 2 gladiators fully encased in steel in the finals. Turns out I was 2 turns too late with my guess, so you guys had pretty good discipline with your point spending.
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Jun 7, 2016 14:32
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My shiny dagger If we'd made it just one more round Richard would've been really scary since he would've been able to boost weapon skill further on top of having a dagger that actually cut through things.
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Jun 7, 2016 14:36
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LorrdErnie posted:My shiny dagger quote:Richard Kyanka_DICK slashes Panty Thief_HELM in the right lower leg with his large adamantine dagger, but the attack is deflected by Panty Thief_HELM's large steel greaves!
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Jun 7, 2016 14:37
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whaaaaaattt If I'd done testing at all I might've seen this coming.
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Jun 7, 2016 14:39
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Those steel greaves stopped 2 or 3 blows from Stumpy's great steel axe as well.
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Jun 7, 2016 14:40
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LorrdErnie posted:whaaaaaattt Its a conspiracy!
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Jun 7, 2016 14:41
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LorrdErnie posted:whaaaaaattt Big guys are bullshit, which is why jazzimus is so brutal with giving them points.
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Jun 7, 2016 14:41
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Gonna run Hells Dentist and Laser Explosion a little later today. Someone run mine, I can do it if I have to but I dont want to be accused of shenanigans because we all know that I would cheat so hard to win a virtual dwarf arena fight. I have nothing else to live for, so without this victory I am nothing.
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Jun 7, 2016 14:52
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Spermy Smurf posted:Hells Dentist When I sent you that cheque I was hoping you'd stack the odds a little more subtly than only spawning one of the enemy team.
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Jun 7, 2016 15:09
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Maugrim posted:When I sent you that cheque I was hoping you'd stack the odds a little more subtly than only spawning one of the enemy team. I'm going to spawn just their teeth and lower jaws. That was the agreement, right? Did I completely misread that?
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Jun 7, 2016 15:20
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Bo ends the campaign on 18 kills, 4 more than his nearest teammate, but with a difference of just 8 kills between best and worst, with all members in double figures. 53 is their final tally. Josie's early decapitation means she is yet to claim her tenth kill, but her teammates saved her blushes before her head landed. The Helmets hit 61 kills, meaning one more round won and they match the Animists.
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Jun 7, 2016 15:41
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AJ_Impy posted:Josie's early decapitation means she is yet to claim her tenth kill, but her teammates saved her blushes before her head landed. The Helmets hit 61 kills, meaning one more round won and they match the Animists. Way to get ahead, Josie. Even if one of us goes down, the rest are mega-brutal. EDIT: Also, no room for skill upgrades, Spermy Smurf? Ho ho ho. Ramc fucked around with this message at 17:21 on Jun 7, 2016 |
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Jun 7, 2016 17:18
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Round 1, Fight 4 Hell's Dentists (14-4) is on the left side of the arena. Madmartigan (gbuchold) is a male molemarian. He wields an iron pick and a wooden shield and wears an iron cap and leather gauntlets. The Abominable Gladiator (Pickled Tink) is a female yeti. She is empty handed and wears a bronze cap, a bronze mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, steel gauntlets, and steel high boots. In Like Flynn (grobbendonk) is a male dwarf. He wields a steel pick and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, a copper breast plate, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Krog Bonesmasha (astus) is a male elf. He wields a platinum war hammer and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, leather armor, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Team Laser Explosion (9-9) is on the right side of the arena. Anthony (Coward) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, an iron mail shirt, a steel breast plate, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Mogwai (Dark Off) is a female gremlin. She wields a steel large dagger and a silver buckler and wears a copper helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, and copper gauntlets. Molegrim (Maugrim) is a male molemarian. He wields a steel spear and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, bronze greaves, leather gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Turquoise Tonic (Hihohe) is a male human. He wields a silver mace and an iron buckler and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots.  Hell's Dentists is a 1.60 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 12054.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 7540.00 dwarfbucks for Team Laser Explosion.  Looks like Hells Dentists went with... I don't even know. A couple pieces of steel and otherwise looks like the points were spent on skills instead. On the right side Team Laser Explosion wears their points proudly. Steel weapons, steel armor, and Turquoise with nothing new? Skill for him is my guess.  Hells Dentists charges across the arena all willy nilly. No cohesion at all.  The inital blows go in favor of Hells Dentists. Mogwai's hand is picked by Madmartigan and Krog Bonesmasha shatters the skull of Molegrim. Amazingly, Molegrim is still on his feet and not concussed-killed like we've seen before.  Flynn arrives and picks Mogwai's foot, sending the gremlin to the floor. Anthony punches Madmartigan in the stomach causing a light bruise which enrages the moleman.  Mogwai stabs Madmartigan deeply in the left arm before Flynn picks him in the chest, knocking the gremlin unconscious. Madmartigans pick lands next to Mogwai. Molegrim's spear pierces Krogs shoulder and the platinum hammer drops to the floor next to Madmartigans pick. Molegrims second swing concusses Krog through his helmet and the elf lands atop all of the weapons on the floor.  Madmartigan gets a couple limbs pulped courtesy of Anthony. Abominable arrives with a well timed charge which sends his teammate Flynn to the floor. This doesn't deter the huge yeti though. He reaches over and grabs Anthony by the breastplate, then gets punched square in the face. His eyes roll back in his head and he collapses. That's our second punch of doom from a tigerman this round isn't it? Turquoise focuses on Krog and crushes his skull with a single blow.  Molegrim stabs Flynn's shield hand so badly that the dwarf drops his shield. Flynns pick sticks deep in Anthonys foot a moment later. Turquoise makes his presence known by smashing Madmartigans ribs to poo poo with his huge mace. Turquoise bruises Flynns kidney which causes pain, and then Anthony explodes Madmartigans back foot with a well placed punch. The moleman falls to the floor. Flynn's pick is buried in Turquoise's weapon arm, forcing the silver mace to join the other weapons and shields on the floor. What a brutal fight this is! I haven't even gotten to the fricken picture yet! Flynn removes Turquoise's leg at the same time Molegrim takes off Madmartigans hand. Flynn takes off Turquoise's hand next.  Madmartigan and Turquoise are both insanely hurt. Everyone else is too, but these two take the cake. Molegrim puts his spear in Madmartigans foot while Anthony swings the huge moleman around by the other foot. Flynn removes Turquoise's forearm next while his teammate Madmartigan is speared yet again.  Flynn takes off Turquoise's other hand, spills his intestines, chops deeply into his leg, then finally his chest and lungs... The human finally bleeds to death. Madmartigan is being double teamed by Anthony and Molegrim. He's just being brutalized until Anthony collapses his entire chest with a punch.  Molegrim turns his attention to an already-chopped-up Flynn and quickly grounds the dwarf with a spear to the foot. Flynn attacks from the ground but his pick is batted aside. The spear is planted in his chest and Flynn passes out. Anthony has moved north to punch the unconscious Abominable.  Molegrim finishes off Flynn.  And then the moleman moves to finish off Abominable as well. Team Laser Explosion snatches a 4-1 victory from the grasp of the Dentists. Molegrim: 2 Turquoise Tonic: 1 Anthony: 1 Flynn: 1 Combat Log 
Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 21:30 on Jun 7, 2016 |
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Jun 7, 2016 21:28
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Fixed a duplicate image. Also: I'm 3 for 3 with bets this round. I have almost 2100 dwarf bucks! That's the richest I've ever been I think. And I somehow bet on my team and against my team. Damnit, I meant to bet an extra 100 on my team and screwed it up.
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Jun 7, 2016 21:33
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w/l records don't mean poo poo
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Jun 7, 2016 21:36
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Holy poo poo Flynn is deadly. That was a great fight. And: yesssssss!
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Jun 7, 2016 21:49
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Awww nuts
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Jun 8, 2016 00:15
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Sorry guys. I have been sick as a dog for the last few days. Still got another couple of days until I am right for anything.
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Jun 8, 2016 04:17
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Didn't Jazzimus say he'd have time to write a few bouts in the playoffs? 
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Jun 8, 2016 07:22
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The Dentists end on 62 kills, but with the Abominable Gladiator agonizingly short of getting them all in double figures. Flynn finishes with 26 kills, still behind James Largesausage who remains competing. Mogwai is tied for lowest skulls taken with Strangler than Fiction, both of them Dishonoured Dregs on two kills. The only Laser Explosion not to add to his tally this round, more of a Flashlight Squib. Will the Strangler get rid of that shameful title in the next fight? Can one of these freeloaders ride their team's coat-tails to the final?
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Jun 8, 2016 08:38
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I ran my own fight. Sue me. It was the worst fight I've ever run because each and every screenshot (all 60) are basically the same. No one moved. They just stood toe to toe and never dodged. Round 1, Fight 2 Worse Munki (12-6) is on the left side of the arena. Experiment Twenty-Two (fallingdownjoe) is a female tigerman. She wields a steel long sword and wears a steel helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, and iron gauntlets. Strangler Than Fiction (Tunicate) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, an adamantine mail shirt, a steel mail shirt, copper greaves, bronze gauntlets, and steel high boots. SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS (Pittsburgh Lambic) is a male elf. He wields a platinum war hammer and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, iron gauntlets, and leather high boots. Chaz Steadyfist (Segway Rave) is a male werewolf. He wields a steel halberd and a wooden shield and wears a silver helm, leather armor, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets. The Petting Zoo (11-7) is on the right side of the arena. Antwoman (Spermy Smurf) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields a bronze large dagger, a steel large dagger, and an iron large dagger and wears an iron helm, a steel mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. A Lost Cowman (Locomotive breath) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, leather armor, an adamantine mail shirt, steel greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Simon Belmole (Ablative) is a male molemarian. He wields an iron scourge and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, and iron high boots. Stephen Harper (ChickenWing) is a male serpent man. He wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  The Petting Zoo is a 1.28 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 12850.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 10068.00 dwarfbucks for Worse Munki.  Looks like Worse Munki spent their points on tangibles aside of FARTSTORM. Some skill in there too, most likely. The Zoo split down the middle it looks like. Half wearing their points, half not.  The fighters clash and the opening salvo really fucks both teams here. Which team is hosed less? Blows are dodged and blocked until SRIRACHA slams his hammer in the back of Cowman. Cowman drops to the ground, his spine severed. At least he can still move his neck... In the south Chaz leans forward expecting an easy kill. Stephen dodges and fractures the deadly wolfs hand, forcing Chaz to drop his weapon.  Experiment 22, Strangler, and SRIRACHA all begin beating on Cowman with single minded determination. This allows your resident hero, crowd favorite, and all around amazing gladiator Antwoman to sneak in and shatter Experiment 22's hand. Simon Belmole shatters his leg, and Experiment 22 passes out from pain. SRIRACHA takes a dagger pommel to the mouth and the elf spits out teeth for the next few seconds.  Simon Belmole's turn to be a single minded idiot. He begins swinging at Experiment 22's steel plated head with an iron scourge. SRIRACHA, annoyed at losing teeth, attacks the glorious Antwoman. SRIRACHA shatters one arm forcing a bronze dagger to fall to the floor. Strangler darts past Belmole and bites another arm of Antwoman. He shakes and her arm is torn off. Strangler spits out the arm, then bites another one. This arm is crushed and her steel dagger drops. gently caress you, Strangler.  SRIRACHA bruises Antwomans foot and the pain is too much, she passes out. Strangler rips off another hand with his teeth, then SRIRACHA smashes her head in. gently caress you both.  Down south a weaponless Chaz is not nearly as deadly as normal. The werewolf can't get past Stephen's shield, but the snakemans hammer has no problems finding home on Chaz's shoulder. Bone is shattered and jammed into his spine muscles and the werewolf passes out immediately. Strangler than Fiction lets Antwoman's first left hand drop away as She attacks. SRIRACHA and Strangler begin beating on Cowman's unfeeling body. He doesn't care, he continues gently goring Experiment 22. Belmole continues smashing at Experiment 22's helmet as well. So it looks like we've got 4 gladiators single-mindedly attacking two different downed fighters.  Stephen Harper takes three or four swings, but he manages to get through the helmet and end Chaz's career.  Have you noticed no one has moved yet? Cowman is being smashed and bitten and everything but he can't feel anything. He doesn't care and for some reason SRIRACHA is not bashing his skull in. Probably because he's not unconscious, so the head-targetting hasn't kicked in. Belmole is still swinging at Experiment 22's helmet unsuccessfully.  Stephen Harper moves north and gets a free attack at SRIRACHA who is still attacking the downed Cowman. Stephens attack breaks his neck, tearing the tissue, and making him a paraplegic just like Cowman. They're twins! Simon Belmole and Strangler continue to attack the downed gladiators. Strangler is only biting which won't kill Cowman, and Belmole's weapon is not good enough to get through the tigermans helmet.  Stephen Harper doesn't crush SRIRACHAS head (not unconscious, no auto-head-target), instead he bites the elf's stomach which bruises guts and then smashes all sorts of bodyparts to hell. SRIRACHA can't feel anything anymore, so he doesn't pass out but he doesn't do any damage since he has no teeth left.  Stephen finally (like 40 lines in the combat log later) crushes SRIRACHAS head. Belmole and Strangler continue tormenting downed/unconscious fighters.  Stephen Harper decides to help out Belmole first and one swing crushes Experiment 22's skull. Belmole screeches in glee, finally happy to be able to focus on the rest of the fight. Strangler is unhurt, not even a single bruise. His two enemies sneak up behind him while he's tearing out one of Cowmans eyes. The next thing he knows his left ribs are shattered, his liver is bruised, and then his right ribs are broken.  Strangler passes out with Cowmans eyelid still clenched between his teeth.  Stephen crushes his 4th skull of the fight. The Petting Zoo pulls off a 4-1 victory despite Antwoman going down like a bitch. But so did Chaz in a 1v1 with Stephen Harper.  Kills: Stephen Harper: 4 SRIRACHA FARTSTORM: 1 Combat Log 
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Jun 8, 2016 13:56
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Proof I didn't cheat: https://sendvid.com/uyc9pxjc I copied the entire DF directory and fired up a simultaneous arena with 4 more pairs of Zoo vs Worse Munki. Zoo won all 5 (including the real one) which you can see in the video. You can see Antwoman, Cowman, Belmole, and our hero Snakeman in all of the 4 different areas of the 2nd arena. Well, you can see the ones that survived anyway. Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 14:03 on Jun 8, 2016 |
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Jun 8, 2016 13:58
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 motha fuckin hammer zone
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Jun 8, 2016 14:03
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Update your fighters, place your bets
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Jun 8, 2016 14:58
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Worse Munki end on 56 kills, Chaz Steadyfist fails to add to his half-century, and Strangler than Fiction takes the ignominy of 2 kills from a potential 76 to his grave. The plaudits belong to Stephen Harper, who goes from the lowest kill tally for the Zoo to the second highest. So, into the Semis! The Zoo vs Go Big, the Helmets vs Laser Explosion. With just two rounds left, it is entirely possible that, despite having been knocked out in the quarters, the Animists could still take home the accolade for killiest team! Their 65 kills is only under threat from the Helmets, on 61, and the Zoo, on 60. Even if they win out this round, the Helmets would be level, and must avoid a whitewash in the final. The Zoo would need a decent showing, win or lose, in both remaining matches to get close, reaching the final would still leave them one kill in arrears.
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Jun 8, 2016 15:27
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Well... you sure powered through that round before I could run anything! I'm glad I didn't place any bets this round or I would've been wiped out. I'm going to make a real point to be here and run Petting Zoo vs Go Big in the semis.
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Jun 8, 2016 16:06
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In like Flynn's stats if anyone interested, I never understood why he was so successful, although his effectiveness was dwindling as the rounds went on He has the following equipment. Steel Pick Oak Wood Shield Iron Helm Iron Mail Shirt Copper Breast Plate Iron Greaves Iron Gauntlets Iron High Boots He has the following skills. Level 4 Fighting (Skilled) Level 5 Shield (Proficient) Level 5 Armor (Proficient) Level 6 Misc. Object (Talented)
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Jun 8, 2016 16:19
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grobbendonk posted:In like Flynn's stats if anyone interested, I never understood why he was so successful, although his effectiveness was dwindling as the rounds went on He dropped off because of skill deficit compared to other fighters, likely. Was successful early due to good equipment in the meta.
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Jun 8, 2016 16:31
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| # ? May 12, 2024 07:37 |
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Picks are pretty good when they connect. Other people probably learnt to avoid them.
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Jun 8, 2016 16:39
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