BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Huh. You know, I stuck Elmer in as an emergency relief 1B and then forgot about him.

Well, it's a bit late anyhow but give Pete Rose full-time 1B status from Flick. Also, give Arky Vaughan full-time SS and put Robin Yount in for CF vs. LHP.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 03:54

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# ? May 26, 2024 19:13

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

Reverse all these changes please:

Paul Zuvella posted:

Rest the sore guys for the week to maximize the possible run in the end!

1) Santo in for Boggs
2) Raines in for manny
3) ashburn in for Mays
4) Pesky in for Alomar

And I pray for a miracle.

Slot Pesky at SS and move him to the bottom of the order.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 16:16

JR Leap: Oct 4, 2013; I have

no idea
what I'm doing

Noooo!!!

Dick Groat replaces Derek Jeter
Lance Berkman replaces Kiki Cuyler
Move Lance Berkman up to 3rd in the batting order

# ? Jun 27, 2016 17:29

shepard.shouldgo: Feb 2, 2016

Switch Shocker and Cicotte. Thanks McFreeze

# ? Jun 27, 2016 18:35

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XIX, Week 25: Nearer My God To Tee

Games of the Week

Don May posted:

SHEIKHS REMINDS ZEPHYRS OF THE ORDER OF THINGS, TAKE TITLES WITH 5-1 WIN

Sindh- It was just a few days ago that TheMcD noted with some amusement that no one had been able to take the many titles he had amassed with the Zephyrs, as it had been going on a full season since he had been swept.

He then admitted that, with road series against the Kernels and Sheikhs coming, that he would have a tough time holding onto the titles.

In the Zephyrs' first series of the week, they managed to eke out a series split in Mitchell. Granted, the Kernels are, in some sense, a great matchup for the Zephyrs, as their pitchers will pitch to contact more than any other rotation, and the Zephyrs are nothing if not contact hitters. Coupled with the Kernels' defense, for the most part, not being all that good, the Zephyrs had their chances to score, and managed to steal two of the four games.

The Sheikhs would offer no similar respite. While the Sheikhs do have a deaball pitching staff, they also have, even without the MACHINE being in the starting lineup, a stronger commitment to defense, to turn as many balls in play as possible into outs. The Zephyrs, having a hard time adjusting, managed to score all of four runs over the three games of this series, as the Sheikhs swept, taking their titles, securing a playoff berth, and taking a lead in the race for home-field advantage.

As to the game itself, it was not a particularly dramatic contest. The Sheikhs ambushed the Zephyrs for four runs in the first inning, and that was about it for the game, as the Sheikhs simply refused to allow the Zephyrs even the dim hope of a comeback, and they ground the Hoboken down for the 5-1 win.

"Next season, the Kernels will be gone, and, for all I know, the Sheikhs will be gone too, after we win the Super-League Championship." Beet said after the game, as he was waiting for TheMcD to deliver his titles, "I'm not sure what's going to happen then. Just look at the wildcard race, there are a lot of teams clumped together down there. Some of those teams are going to inherit this league once the Kernels are gone, and once my team is gone. I don't know what is going to happen once we go farther down that road. It's impossible to say. Could a team like the Generics or the Marmosets become elite? It's possible, there's no telling what the future will bring."

"But," Beet continued, "And this is the important part. Whatever is going to happen in the future, whatever crazy events might unfold, right here, right now, the Sheikhs are still here, and the Kernels are still here, and I'll be damned if this era in the Super-League is going to end with anything other than me finally bringing an end to CFBalla, and the Kernels, and the Masked Shortstop. I've waited a very long time for this final showdown between myself and CFBalla, one last chance to prove which of us was truly the superior owner. I hear that they assign cadavers to med students, so they can learn about anatomy. Well, I'm hoping to send Charles Foster Balla a very, very special corpse for him to look at it. He'll know it when he sees it, because it'll be the one wearing a mask."

TheMcD finally showed up, with one of his Joe Jacksons lugging their five title belts. "By rule, I am supposed to give these to you." TheMcD said.

"Yeah, hand them over." Beet said, nothing but contempt for TheMcD, who he had long seen as an interloper. "And then get out of here."

"Hey, show some god-damned respect!" Jackson protested. "He's carried these titles all years. Just because you got lucky."

"Lucky?" Beet was irritated by that assertion. "I'm busy, so I'll give you one chance to apologize."

"gently caress off." Jackson responded.

"Your loss." Beet made a gesture with his hand. Suddenly, the MACHINE burst from the ground underneath Jackson's feet and dragged him undergroud, with Jackson screaming the entire while. Soon, the screaming stopped, and the MACHINE emerged from the hole in the ground having retrieved the title belts. The MACHINE quickly skittered over to Beet, and handed him the title belts.

"Failure Unit Beet, repairs to MACHINE are complete. MACHINE is now ready to complete directive to crush Kernels and deliver the Masked Shortstop to his maker." The MACHINE chirped in its mechanical tones.

"Good. And what are the Kernels' chances of stoppung us from completing the direction?"

"0%!" MACHINE affirmed. "The Kernels' chances of success are statistically insignificant."

"You are forgetting something, Beet." TheMcD spoke up, "We have unfinished business, you and I. Next week, in Hoboken, I will have the chance to take back what is mine." TheMcD pointed at the titles. "I will win them back, and then I will end this duopoly you and CFBalla have created in this league. I will defeat both of you."

"Yeah?" Beet didn't look impressed. "I've seen the standings, and I've got a counter-proposal. Next week, me and the MACHINE go to Hoboken, and give your team such a beating that you don't even reach the playoffs. How does that sound? Because I know that CFBalla's concerned about your team, but I'm sure as gently caress not. I could kill you next week, or I could kill you in the playoffs. It doesn't matter to me. I'm not Balla, I'm not some guy who cheated and lied his way to the top, I'm the guy who has ruled my division through sheer will and the grace and glory of Aaron Rodgers. He's the best quarterback, and he's in a committed relationship with Psylocke."

"MACHINE must note that Olivia Munn is not actually Psylocke." MACHINE interrupted.

"Well, whatever, the point is that, just like Aaron Rodgers just wins, and always reaches the playoffs, I'm always going to win and reach the playoffs, no matter how much everyone else wished it weren't so. If you're lucky, me taking these titles from you will be the worst thing I do to you all season, but, hell, you're making a good case for me to do a lot worse next week in Hoboken."

"You do not concern me, Beet. And, quite frankly, given how well Alex Smith has played for the Chiefs these past few seasons, I am not entirely convinced that the 49ers were fools to choose him above Aaron Rodgers." TheMcD was defiant to the last.

The rage on Beet's face was beyond description, and it took the MACHINE holding him back to prevent him from trying to murder TheMcD on the spot, "You'd better pray that all we do to you next week is keep you out of the playoffs, TheMcD!" Beet bellowed. "You'd better pray, because I'm going to loving kill you! You hear me? You are loving dead! DEAD!"

GAME NOTES

-With the win, the Sheikhs secured a playoff spot. It's technically possible that the RCMP could win the Sic Transit Vir Division, but they are six games back with a week left in the season, meaning that the Sheikhs would essentially have to lose out while the RCMP won out. And while the Sheikhs do have a tough schedule (vs. Kernels, @ Zephyrs), the RCMP have a series against the red-hot Nine, who will be playing for a wildcard spot.

-The Sheikhs' offense doesn't seem to be all that dangerous, but it is better than it looks at first glance, especially the power-heavy top-half when the MACHINE is healthy. Of course, the real power of this team is that it smothers the other team's offense, so a truly great offense isn't even necessary.

-Ray Schalk entered as a pinch-hitter, and got a hit! At which, he must have realized that it was against his personal code of honor to be productive on offense, and so immediately got caught stealing.

Box Score

Don May posted:

PANDERERS BRING MORE WOE UNTO THE LEAGUE, CRUSH KILLER MIKES' PLAYOFF HOPES

Portland- With the season on the line, it sure seemed like the Killer Mikes' Aroldis Chapman didn't want to play in the postseason.

With the game tied 4-4 headed into the bottom of the eighth, Chapman walked the leadoff hitter, Jesse Burkett, on four straight pitches. After that impressive display of command, Chapman, needing to pitch to contact, at least, to some degree, managed to seemingly jam Paul Waner with slider, only to botch fielding the weak grounder, allowing Waner to reach on an infield single. With runners at first and second, Chapman then proceeded to somehow make the situation even worse by throwing a wild pitch. That put a runner at third with no outs, and Lew Fonseca, knowing the game situation, easily lofted a fastball for the sac fly to make it a 5-4 game. Fortunately, third base was now empty, as Waner had failed to tag up on the play. But Chapman then managed to throw another wild pitch, moving Waner to third after all. That become very important a second later, as Cliff Lee hit another fly out, and Waner was able to tag up and score on the sacrifice. Witht he bases now empty, Chapman evidently saw no reason not to walk another batter on four pitches, this time, allowing Pie Traynor to get the easy walk, and then seemed utterly disinterested when Traynor stole second easily. Fortunately for the Mikes, Amos Strunk popped up to first, ending the inning before Chapman could find any other ways of dooming the Killer Mikes.

The season on the line, as a loss would allow the W's to clinch the Norris-Smythe Division, and, the standings being what they where, the Mikes had been eliminated from the wildcard race a game before, the Mikes had to win the game. Ty Cobb, showing great urgency, doubled to start the inning, followed by a Lou Gehrig fly out that came just a few feet from tying the game right there. Instead, SCott Rolen drove in Cobb with a single, making it a 6-5 game, with the tying run on first. Needing that run to score, Quaker put in Cuyler as a pinch-runner, and hoped that Gary Sheffield could make something happen.

He couldn't, as it turned out, lining out to left. That brought up Fred McGriff, and the Kimbrel was locked in on crushing the last hope of the Mikes. Too locked in, as it turned out, as Cuyler managed to steal his way into scoring position. With first base open, the Kimbrel walked McGriff, and let Smoky Burgess bat instead, betting that his 100 mph fastball could defeat Burgess' legendary clutch hitting. Quaker, for his part, tended to agree with the Kimbrel's analysis, and sent in Yogi Berra as a pinch-hitter.

With the final duel now set, the Kimbrel fired a 100 mph wide of the plate for ball one, as much as a warning shot as anything else. Berra took it, and readied himself for a pitch he could hit. The Kimbrel delivered with his arcing breaking ball that Berra could not quite square up, instead lofting it into the air in very shallow left field. Omar Vizquel, with no skills but his fielding, tracked it down, and caught it for the final out, ending the Mikes' season.

"Sophocles once wrote," Pander said, smug smile on his face, "'How terrible is wisdom, when it brings no profit to the wise?' A chilling statement. To be so wise, and yet to gain nothing from that wisdom, and, even worse, to have the wisdom to understand that it will not profit you. The point of that quote, it's from Oedipus Rex, by the way, and I'd ask you to get all of the cheap jokes out of your systems now, is that it's one thing to be terrible, but it's another thing to be able to see clearly how terrible you are and will continue to be."

"And that is why, before I go any further, I would like to say how grateful I am that mentholmoose is a dullard. If he were smart, if he had the faculties to actually understand what was really happening to his team, and to see what was happening with my team, and to truly realize that, because of my brilliance, and his own lack thereof, that not only were the Bombers never, ever, ever going to win another division title, but that they would, every season, get just a little farther away from doing so in the process, I truly think that it would kill him. And I don't need that on my conscience. So, I would like to thank mentholmoose, his parents, his teachers, and everyone else in his life that allowed him to grow up to be not quite bright enough to realize how hopeless his situation is."

"As far as killing the Killer Mikes goes, I don't really care. The point of me winning this game was to stretch my lead in the Senor Goodtimes Division to 4.5 games. Having done that, I'm willing to face the W's in the first round of the playoffs, so that I can show the Bombers how to beat them in a playoff series, unless, of course, my team ends up with home-field through, in which, I'm also happy to take whatever Mark Bellhorn Division reject comes out of the wildcard game. I mean, there's never a bad time to annihilate the Doom and make Slug Lyfe wonder if they're ever going to pull their poo poo together in the playoffs. It doesn't matter, we all know that, when it comes to the playoffs, that's when tactics become more important than ever, and I'm just better at that than anyone else in this league. I'll see you guys there."

As for the Killer Mikes, Quaker was, understandably, a bit defeated, "I don't understand." He admitted, "The W's were falling apart. Injuries up and down that lineup. Virtually every outfielder was out, their ace was out. But we were the ones who collapsed. I mean, as bad as today's loss was, it was really that sweep against the Trumps that killed us. I don't know what happened. But, you know what, next season things will be different. That's for sure."

GAME NOTES

-In terms of what killed the Mikes this season, it's pretty clear that things likely would have gone a lot better for them had Rube Waddell not missed so much time. In a weak division, a pitcher like Waddell can make a huge difference.

-It also didn't help that it took 3/4s of the season before Lou Gehrig started hitting home runs. That's not the sort of production from a DH that a team is going to be able to survive in most cases. In general, the Mikes just had a hell of a time getting anything out of the 1B/DH nexus. Then again, they definitely have the players to get that production, so it might be something that works itself out next season.

-For that matter, with better luck, the Crows could have easily won this division as well. For whatever reason, the Crows had outstanding hitting from the middle, but mediocre production from the corners. Given that it's a lot easy to mess around with players at corner positions than up the middle, one has to like the Crows' chances of pulling it all together next season. Assuming that HulkaMatt does not get a wellness violation.

-As to how the Panderers have done so well with an average offense and below-average starting pitching, the Panderers have been, depending on what you want to believe, either incredibly lucky, or well-designed to be able to win close games late. After all, this is a team where Warrn Spahn, the long reliever, is 7-0, and Nick Vincent, the setup man, is 10-2. Every member of the core bullpen has a record of .500 or better. That means that, in late games, the Panderers, if it's a close game, are somehow able to get the better of it the vast majority of the time. Whether you think that's good bullpen construction, or just Pander magic, it's let them punch above their weight all season.

-STRUNK!

Box Score

Don May posted:

CANADA WINS! RCMP BEATS GENERICS 5-4

Toronto- Truly, it was the greatest victory in Canadian history.

Down 4-3 in the bottom of the ninth, things looked grim for the RCMP.

But, despite a baffling decision to try a sacrifice bunt with one out already in the inning, the RCMP were able to score two runs on a pinch-hit double from Larry Walker to take a 5-4 decision that virtually assured the RCMP of getting one of the Dynamo League Wildcards.

"Today was a great victory, not only for me, but for all of the people of Canada. A lot of people thought that the RCMP wouldn't be able to step up and make it to the playoffs this season. They said that we Canadians had no choice against the Americans, who would stop at nothing to bully and humiliate us, but it looks like they were all wrong." DannoMack said after the game, "I know that the entire country was counting on us to deliver, that, just like in the NHL this season, that not a single Canadian team would be their to represent our fine people and-"

A reporter pointed out that, if the season ended today, that the World Warriors would also get a wildcard. "That's a Western Canadian team. I mean, I don't know exactly where this 'Yaya' lives, but I'm told that he is a Canucks fans, which is basically like being a Maple Leafs fan without the tradition or dignity. In any event, as we all know, there is nothing in Canada west of the GTA that is really worth seeing or even talking about. Oh, sure, there are people out there who will tell you that places like Winnipeg or Edmonton have their charms, though, obviously, no one says that about Calgary, in any event, while I respect that, per our treaties with the United Kingdom, that Canada is obligated to hold onto its Western Provinces, I don't think that it's fair or right to consider them part of Canada Proper. For example, my understanding is that, down in the States, you have some ownership of the Virgin Islands, or part of them. But you wouldn't really consider them to be part of your country proper, would you? I think that, when you get down to the nuts and bolts of it, that Western Canada is no more a functional part of Canada than the Virgin Islands are for America."

"Obviously, of course, now that we are essentially assured of a wildcard spot, the question becomes: Who will have the courage, integrity and resilience to face us, here in Toronto, in that wildcard game. I've looked at the field, and they each have their virtues. On the one hand, you have a team like the Rockford Losers. They have tenure, TKBomber is an elder statesman of this league. He can still remember what the league was like in the olden days of Super-League I, when Steve Coolbaugh still roamed the league. I respect him, and I respect his team. That said, should the RCMP face the Losers, I predict that we would win by a score of 8-0. I believe that the pitching of the RCMP is superior, and that TKBomber, due to his extreme age, is likely facing certain cognitive deficits that have rendered his lineup less-than-optimal. I say this not to denigrate TKBomber, but to put a spotlight on how the American healthcare system is failing the elderly, especially when it comes to end-of-life care."

"Then you have the Generics. Now, with all due respect to kw0134, who is a lovely young lady, and we should all treat her with respect, but the Generics just aren't a team that has any sort of future in this league. I predict, if they reached a wildcard game against my team, that the RCMP would win 14-0. I think that the Generics rely on a couple of power hitters, and while that's a neat trick, I just don't see the depth of talent that they would need to compete with my team. I think the RCMP would easily win that game, and it would not be close. With all due respect, of course, to kw0134."

"I've heard that the Slaughterhouse Nine are back in the wildcard hunt, and while I wish them well, I think that, if they played us in the wildcard game, that we would have to be favored over them. I think that we would probably win by a score of, say, about 73-0. While I think that, when Monicro grows up, he might become a productive member of society to some degree, I think that we're a long ways off from Monicro have the sort of maturity needed to lead a Super-League team. I don't say that to denigrate him, as, when I was five, and had the Super-League existed back then, I would have had trouble running a team back then. I know that it must be hard to have to split your time between finger-painting, eating cut-up hot dogs, and drinking Ecto Cooler to run a Super-League team, and I applaud Monicro for his commitment to this point, but, ultimately, I just have the sinking suspicion that, during the wildcard game, someone will mention that they just got the new Sega Genesis console, and Monicro will rush over to that kid's house and forget all about the game."

"Now, I've also heard that the Marmosets are just one game back of the wildcard going into the last week of the season. I don't know a lot of about South Dakota, but, I'm under the impression that its existence is somewhat debatable. The scientific community has shown, in study after study, that the existence of a state directly under North Dakota and above Nebraska would, according to statistical models, well, I mean, according to math, the population of such a hypothetical state would be less than zero, which is impossible. I just don't think that a team, based in an imaginary state, is really going to be able to beat my team. I think that, if it comes down to it, that the RCMP beats that team 943-0. That would be my best guess."

"Who does that leave? The Gumshoes? I'm amazed they haven't withered up and died just yet. I mean, Marauder's done. I don't know why he even bothers anymore. I predict that the RCMP would beat them 87,001-0."

kw0134 had no comment after the game, only vowing that, if he was going down, he would take the Gumshoes and Nine down with him.

GAME NOTES

-Mark Eichhorn started the game for the RCMP! That can't have been what they meant to have happen there, though it didn't do them any harm this time.

-Stan Williams' ERA is back at exactly 7.77! What does that mean? Surely, it must mean something.

-To make things worse for the Generics, Ken Williams, one of the key cogs in the Generics' offense, got hurt in today's game, and will miss the regular season, and at least one full round in the playoffs, should the Generics even get that far.

Box Score

Don May posted:

SLUG LYFE MURDERS TRIPLE H 23-0

Khartoum- This was not a game, it was an execution.

With the season winding down, and needing to win a few games to get back into contention for the division title, Slug Lyfe made a statement today, beating the Houston Hol Horses into submission by a score of 23-0.

There is no point recapping the individual beats of this game, as it was simply a case of Slug Lyfe simply overpowering Triple H until the game finally ended with the Triple H little more than broken human beings, shuffling away from the field like particularly demoralized zombies, and just grateful that the season was finally over.

After it was other, Babe Ruth gave an impassioned threat, as he appeared nearly out of his mind with rage, "JESUS! Minnesota Commission, I thought the Commission were dead. Oh," Ruth sputtered with his own rage, "Commission, who do you think you are? Nobody takes this division from Slug Lyfe! Nobody does this to the Doom! Slug Lyfe, the Khartoum Doom, we are the most extreme dingering force on the face of the Earth! Oh-" Ruth seems to be on the verge of losing what composure he had. "Ohh! You're going to die! You are going to die! I guarantee it! I am going to kill you! Oh-" Babe Ruth seemed to be struggling to get the words out. "You people have not seen anything! This is just the start of Slug Lyfe's run to the championship. We are the ultra dinger force, this is Slug Lyfe, the most dingerest force on the face of the
earth. You just wait and see how far we're going to go! I'm out of here." Ruth said as he stormed off.

That left Mickey Mantle and Barry Bonds at the mic. "He's been a bit upset about us losing to a bunch of clerk from Minnesota." Mantle explained. "I mean, we all are, but Babe's taking it hard. I mean, it's Pash. Even the name sounds soft. It kind of sounds like some sort of anthropomorphic pillow-man. Like, a kid wished that his favorite pillow would get to come to life, and some magical thing happened, and now the pillow is alive. I mean, I don't think the pillow has limbs, or anything, it just kind of floats around, and goes on adventures with the kid."

"Does it have magical pillow powers?" Bonds asked.

"I guess. I mean, it would have to have something, like, what else can a pillow do?"

Bonds shrugged. "It could smother someone."

"That would be a very grim children's movie. Like, he and the kid are hanging around, and they run into the kid's bully, and the pillow just smothers the bully to death?" Mantle asked. "I don't think people would be down with that."

"Yeah, I mean, the cops would show up, and they'd see the bully with a pillow over his face, and they'd ask the kid if he did it, and he'd blame it on the pillow, and since the pillow doesn't want to get upstate, since, you know, prison's no place for a pillow, he just pretends he's inanimate. So, the cops arrest the kids, and the bully's parents, they're rich, they've got connections, they make drat sure that the D.A. charges the kid as an adult, and the kid gets life in prison without the possibility of parole."

"I know, but the kid's life, well, he makes it to 24 before he O.D.'s in prison. There's an inquest afterwards, to try and figure out how the kid got enough heroin to kill himself, since, you know, drug-smuggling had been a problem at that facility in the past, but nothing ever comes of it, because enough guards were in on the deal that they just made sure that nothing got out. The kid's buried in a pauper's grave."

"Pash is an rear end in a top hat." Bonds concluded, "Letting the kid take the fall for that murder? That's not cool. Not cool at all, Pash."

Mantle agreed, "I know that I lost a lot of respect for Pash when he let the kid go to prison in his place. I mean, a pillow has to take responsibility for his actions. I know that what Pash did was in the heat of the moment, I do, and I know that, right after, he knew that the bully's parents were never going to let whoever killed their son off with manslaughter, that they would make the DA go for first-degree murder, and how that wasn't super-fair, but, man, Pash, I just don't know, I think it was the wrong thing to do."

"Well, you know something, Mick." Bonds playfully punched Mantle in the shoulder, "I say that we go out there next week, and we make drat sure that the Mark Bellhorn Division title doesn't get taken by a murderer who let someone else die in prison for his crimes. I think that the Mark Bellhorn Division deserves a better champion than that."

"Absolutely, Barry, that is absolutely right. We will beat the homicidal pillow-man they call Pash. We will do this not only for that hypothetical kid out there that Pash got sent to prison, but every other person in prison today that is there because they got jacked up by their magical living pillow friend."

GAME NOTES

-This game of the week proves that it has to be nearly time for this season to end, because, at the rate we're going, we're about three updates from unintelligible gibberish.

-The good news is that Mike Marshall really managed to calm things down once he entered the game. The bad news is that it was 23-0 when he entered the game.

-Even on a day when the Doom got 26 hits as a team, A-Rod still only managed a single, and struck out twice. Truly, A-Rod is a model of consistency. Seriously though, I really need to think about how to buff A-Rods in general, because there's something a bit off about him entirely useless in every single possible situation. That said, I will almost certainly forget to do it.

-That's 100 loving games of the week. gently caress.

Box Score

Team Statistics

Analysis

This team could have won its division, but it just had a couple of bad week,s and now they'll have to wait until next season. Then again, they could very easily win the division next time.

Analysis

That was not a good week to go 0-7. The Wolverines' season is basically over.

Analysis

The Knights have survived the Sub-Par before, they can again.

Analysis

The Zephyrs will get their rematch against the Sheikhs next week in Hoboken!

Analysis

Eep.

Analysis

The Doom still have a good chance of winning this division if they keep annihilating teams like they did this week.

Analysis

An unlucky season, but the Crows do have a chance to finish in second place for the first time in their history.

Analysis

If this team can hold on, they'll win the division. They should be able to smoke the Hol Horses easily enough, but the Warriors series could be tough.

Analysis

Not an inspiring finish, admittedly, but the Kernels are division Champions, and will have a week to rest the Masked Shortstop and get their rotation in the right order.

Analysis

This team does not do well in the UK. The good news is that, going forward, the UK might not exist. In any event, they're not dead yet, but they'll need to sweep the Doom most likely.

Analysis

There will be a next season for this team, and you can think about fixing a few things. Honestly, getting better luck might be enough.

Analysis

Of course! In any event, the Panderers can't totally take next week off, but as long as they don't lose out, they'll probably take the division, especially with a game in hand.

Analysis

Oh, now this team makes up games against the Sheikhs? In any event, the Nine have been playing well, so that series will be tough, but they also get a series against the dead-end Highlanders, and with the lead they have in the wildcard race, this team will have to work very hard to miss the playoffs.

Analysis

This team doesn't deserve to still have a chance, but it does. With your shield, or on it, kw0134.

Analysis

In theory, the Losers have the inside track to the second wildcard. They have the easiest last week schedule and will start the last week with a one game lead. On the other hand, they have a lot of teams chasing them, so it's not the Losers against any one team as it is the Losers against the field.

Analysis

The weird thing is that I'm not sure if there's any point to resting anyone. No one's sore, and the Sheikhs will get a bit of time off after the season since they aren't playing in the wildcard game (barring a collapse of historical proportions). And given that the MACHINE just had a month off, you might as well use it to try and take home-field advantage.

Analysis

Well, if the Nine keep winning, they very well might win a wildcard. So, they should probably do that.

Analysis

A billion injuries later, and the W's are still the division champions.

Analysis

A lot of what is going to happen in the last week is going to depend on whether the Kernels are resting guys are not. If they are, between that and the Knights, the Marmosets have a great shot of snagging a wildcard.

Analysis

Just when I think this team is entirely hosed, it manages one last rally. Well, I hope they have one more week of magic left in them.

Analysis

Not a bad team. Not a good team. Just the team that couldn't quite keep up in this very tough division.

Analysis

Someone reminded me that I made it a rule that you could kill your team rather than accept demotion at the cost of a dispersal draft pick. Of course, exercising that option would require you to pay attention, so...

Analysis

RIP

Analysis

That is not a friendly schedule for the last week, but, well, if you're going to make the playoffs, looks like you'll have to earn it.

Standings

# ? Jun 27, 2016 19:05

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

Okay team, one more week, 6 home games... you can do this.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 19:23

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

It was to be expected. Still a game in the lead, which is more than I expected. Still, this situation is kind of lovely. Sore people everywhere, and no rest to be found unless I win the division. So, question is, is it better to play sore people or to put fresh people in? How does the quality drop from soreness compare to the quality drop from bench players? Well, no real way to know. Guess I'm going with the first option. New lineup, vs. both types of pitcher:

#1: Eddie Collins, 2B
#2: Paul Waner, RF
#3: Roger Connor, 1B
#4: Joe Sewell, 3B
#5: Sam Thompson, LF
#6: Joe Jackson, CF
#7: Derek Jeter, SS
#8: Buster Posey, C
#9: [ Pitcher Slot ]

Just keep on trucking, you magnificent bastards. Just hope like hell the Wolverines keep this slump going.

Also, Eins got a save. Huh.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 19:26

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

EXPANSION CUP: OCTOBER INJURY REPORT

There are no ties, thank god. Only updating injuries for teams who might've won their division.

Mr. Burns' Zephyrs
Joe Jackson (Tragic collision with Fred Lynn): OUT FOR POSTSEASON
Fred Lynn (Tragic collision with Joe Jackson): OUT FOR POSTSEASON

Bonus Wagner
Chase Headley (if he can't have third base, nobody can!): OUT FOR POSTSEASON

Burlington Berners
Trent Householder (I love the random names Mogul comes up with): OUT FOR POSTSEASON

# ? Jun 27, 2016 19:37

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

FairGame posted:

EXPANSION CUP: OCTOBER INJURY REPORT
Mr. Burns' Zephyrs
Joe Jackson (Tragic collision with Fred Lynn): OUT FOR POSTSEASON
Fred Lynn (Tragic collision with Joe Jackson): OUT FOR POSTSEASON

Roster updates:

DL Lynn/Jackson. Call up Hooper and Wright, put them on the bench.

Updated lineup:

LF Rickey Henderson
3B George Brett
SS Honus Wagner
DH Eddie Murray
2B Nap Lajoie
1B Cap Anson
C Ted Simmons
CF Willie Wilson
RF Robin Yount

Oh man I hope I live thru this.

kensei fucked around with this message at 20:24 on Jun 27, 2016

# ? Jun 27, 2016 19:59

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

McFreeze just said that I can only have six platoons. Not cool, Mogul!

vs. RHP (no-DH)
1. 2B Buddy Myer
2. SS Arky Vaughan
3. CF Joe DiMaggio
4. C Bill Dickey
5. 1B Jimmie Foxx
6. RF Harry Heilmann
7. LF Babe Herman
8. 3B George Kell
9. Pitcher

vs. LHP (no-DH)
1. SS Cecil Travis
2. 2B Riggs Stephenson
3. 1B Jimmie Foxx
4. C Ted Simmons
5. RF Harry Heilmann
5. LF Chick Hafey
6. CF Bob Johson
8. 3B Rance Mulliniks
9. Pitcher

# ? Jun 27, 2016 20:27

shepard.shouldgo: Feb 2, 2016

FairGame posted:

Bonus Wagner
Chase Headley (if he can't have third base, nobody can!): OUT FOR POSTSEASON

I'm choosing to imagine that he attempted to kneecap Appling but was so inept he accidentally took out his own knee

# ? Jun 27, 2016 20:31

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

Steve Reed! I forgot about him but now he's one day away from not being dead. Let's have him take Moore's short relief spot, but Moore in Middle Relief, and throw Rusie down with all the other nerds who don't get to pitch

Bill Dickey being hurt sucks, George Kell being hurt also sucks, Joe Jackson being hurt sucks, but this division is still winnable. Let's hope for a miracle, or at the very least, hold off the Bombers.

vs Both:

1. SS Luke Appling
2. 2B Eddie Collins
3. DH Ted Williams
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. 1B George Sisler
6. LF Sherry Magee
7. C Shanty Hogan
8. 3B Lou Boudreau
9. CF Maniac Magee

# ? Jun 27, 2016 20:33

GVOLTT: Dec 27, 2012; Honestly, I don't know what I want to put here, so I'm going with this.

FairGame posted:

Burlington Berners
Trent Householder (I love the random names Mogul comes up with): OUT FOR POSTSEASON

oh no, what ever will I do

# ? Jun 27, 2016 20:47

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

If you're injured at this point, it's gonna be for the season.

Glacier Werebears
Mike Piazza (C) - You can't be a bear with bacne!

Krakow Dragons
Carl Hubbell (SP) - RIP
Joe Torre (C) - RIP 2: RIP Harder

Seattle Cagey Bees
Urban Shocker (SP) - Shocking!

# ? Jun 27, 2016 20:57

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

EXCITING TRADE ANNOUNCEMENT

SUPERNOVAS send:

2016 Trevor Rosenthal
2016 Adam Wainwright

SPACEFISH send:

1992 Rick Honeycutt
A choice of Hank Aarons, vintage 1960 or 1967

Trade is executed at the end of the season.

I am now done trading unless Forzelt wants to move his Mays for my Hafey.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 21:02

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

FairGame posted:

EXCITING TRADE ANNOUNCEMENT

SUPERNOVAS send:

2016 Trevor Rosenthal
2016 Adam Wainwright

SPACEFISH send:

1992 Rick Honeycutt
A choice of Hank Aarons, vintage 1960 or 1967

Trade is executed at the end of the season.

I am now done trading unless Forzelt wants to move his Mays for my Hafey.

Unsurprisingly, I think the Fish win this.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 21:07

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Pander posted:

Unsurprisingly, I think the Fish win this.

Yep, that is indeed unsurprising.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 21:11

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

Hey was there somebody who had to go out for like a week or 2 and told me to just say CHAMPS RETAIN for whenever they were out? I ask because I didn't update the pick'em for a bit and finally did. Seem to remember now that someone might have posted that.

Also holy moly I'm gonna survive the season!

edit: It was Yaya! Got you covered, Yaya.

HulkaMatt fucked around with this message at 22:22 on Jun 27, 2016

# ? Jun 27, 2016 21:57

ForeverBWFC: Oct 19, 2011; Oh, the lads! You should've seen 'em running!
Ask 'em why and they reply the Bolton Boys are coming! All the lads and lasses, smiles upon their faces,

WALKING DOWN THE MANNY ROAD, TO SEE THE BURNDEN ACES!

With injuries the way they are, make this the line-up until the play-offs:

#1: Beltran (CF)
#2: Adam Dunn (DH)
#3: Hanley Ramirez (1B)
#4: Enos Slaughter (RF)
#5: Nap Lajoie (2B)
#6: Kirk Gibson (LF)
#7: St. Mark Bellhorn (3B)
#8: Cal Ripken (SS)
#9: Ted Simmons (C)

# ? Jun 27, 2016 22:59

CraigK: Nov 4, 2008; by exmarx

FairGame posted:

EXCITING TRADE ANNOUNCEMENT

SUPERNOVAS send:

2016 Trevor Rosenthal
2016 Adam Wainwright

SPACEFISH send:

1992 Rick Honeycutt
A choice of Hank Aarons, vintage 1960 or 1967

Trade is executed at the end of the season.

I am now done trading unless Forzelt wants to move his Mays for my Hafey.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 23:10

Robert Deadford: Mar 1, 2008; Ultra Carp

Ice To Meet You posted:

If you're injured at this point, it's gonna be for the season.

Krakow Dragons
Carl Hubbell (SP) - RIP
Joe Torre (C) - RIP 2: RIP Harder

Ugh.

1. Billy Pierce! De Jure Dragons ace and SP1!
2. Rudy York is the full-time catcher. Bresnahan is personal catcher for SP3.

It's been a grim week.

# ? Jun 27, 2016 23:18

CraigK: Nov 4, 2008; by exmarx

(i have no opinion on that trade i just really wanted to use that gif)

# ? Jun 27, 2016 23:27

PASS THE MASH: Oct 30, 2013

FairGame posted:

EXCITING TRADE ANNOUNCEMENT

SUPERNOVAS send:

2016 Trevor Rosenthal
2016 Adam Wainwright

SPACEFISH send:

1992 Rick Honeycutt
A choice of Hank Aarons, vintage 1960 or 1967

Trade is executed at the end of the season.

I am now done trading unless Forzelt wants to move his Mays for my Hafey.

Why the hell not. I'll take the younger Hank.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 00:21

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

I like the SPACEFISH but now I sort of hope they die because the offense can't manage to build any leads for the bullpen to hold on to.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 00:23

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Mornacale posted:

I like the SPACEFISH but now I sort of hope they die because the offense can't manage to build any leads for the bullpen to hold on to.

It'll literally be the same team that played the entire first half. An outfield of Manny/Aaron/Heilmann, Hafey at DH, Hartnett and Foxx at C and 1B, and a rotating cast of Tulo/Jackie/Ryno/Beltre/McDougald around the infield.

I haven't crippled my offense at all. I've crippled my depth, but if I survive I get Armitage's 3rd round pick, and a 4th round pick of my own. Surviving the Gauntlet (or avoiding it outright) are far more useful than the depth to survive an entire season.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 00:59

shepard.shouldgo: Feb 2, 2016

because we are ~~utterly loving desperate to not die even though we totally will since we're gonna be like gaunlet round 2~~ listening to KW0134's advice, are there any tweaks that should be made to the below stadium ahead of the gaunlet? I ask because I am quite honestly terrible at stadiums.

Roster is here

Name Pryor-Wood Memorial Ligamentory
Location :Riverside, CA
Grass Type Natual Grass
Elevation 500 feet
Open/Dome Open
Grass Length Medium
Infield Quality Excellent
Foul Grounds Average
Visibility Good
LF 300
LCF 375
CF 400
RCF 375
RF 300

# ? Jun 28, 2016 01:23

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

lol

-Put Marichal back in the rotation in The Lesser Kaat's spot
-Send The Lesser Kaat to LR, demote Matlack

# ? Jun 28, 2016 01:39

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

FairGame posted:

It'll literally be the same team that played the entire first half. An outfield of Manny/Aaron/Heilmann, Hafey at DH, Hartnett and Foxx at C and 1B, and a rotating cast of Tulo/Jackie/Ryno/Beltre/McDougald around the infield.

I haven't crippled my offense at all. I've crippled my depth, but if I survive I get Armitage's 3rd round pick, and a 4th round pick of my own. Surviving the Gauntlet (or avoiding it outright) are far more useful than the depth to survive an entire season.

yeah but that wouldn't be ironic

# ? Jun 28, 2016 07:15

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

I'm just amazed someone can classify Tulo/Jackie/Ryno/Beltre/McDougald as a good-hitting infield. Jackie and Ryno are the only two that you can make a reasonable case for sniffing league average once in a while.

And since they're all righty, you can't platoon them. I know that Fairgame's going for a full-righty lineup, so that's not a deal, it's just...wow.

In a league of homer-averse righties, this infield seems like it's DESIGNED to hit .220/.270/.330 as a unit.

Your other dudes are alright and should provide some counter-weight, but yowza.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 07:24

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Pander posted:

I'm just amazed someone can classify Tulo/Jackie/Ryno/Beltre/McDougald as a good-hitting infield. Jackie and Ryno are the only two that you can make a reasonable case for sniffing league average once in a while.

And since they're all righty, you can't platoon them. I know that Fairgame's going for a full-righty lineup, so that's not a deal, it's just...wow.

In a league of homer-averse righties, this infield seems like it's DESIGNED to hit .220/.270/.330 as a unit.

Your other dudes are alright and should provide some counter-weight, but yowza.

I never said any of those guys were good-hitting? :confused:

Not every position needs to have an all-star caliber player at it.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 13:03

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

FairGame posted:

I never said any of those guys were good-hitting?

Not every position needs to have an all-star caliber player at it.

Yeah, if they did your team might end up like the Bombers.

Right, one last shot before I embrace the madness.

Lineup vs. RHP:

code:

CF - Hamilton
2B - Delahanty
RF - Ruth
LF - Bonds
DH - Manny
SS - Vaughan
3B - Santo
1B - Olerud
C  - Berra

Lineup vs. LHP:

code:

CF - Hamilton
2B - Delahanty
RF - Ruth
DH - Manny
3B - Santo
LF - Bonds
1B - Bagwell
SS - Vaughan
C  - Torre

mentholmoose fucked around with this message at 16:02 on Jun 28, 2016

# ? Jun 28, 2016 15:59

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

FairGame posted:

I never said any of those guys were good-hitting?

Not every position needs to have an all-star caliber player at it.

My misunderstanding I guess. I thought you said you didn't cripple your offense, and I'd argue those guys are the Usual Suspects of under-performing offenses.

They are a very good defensive unit, though.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:03

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Strunk to RF, sit Waner
Roush to CF

Lineup

2B Collins
LF Clarke
DH Burkett
CF Roush
1B Fonseca
3B Traynor
RF Strunk
C Lee
SS Vizquel

RELEASE the pitcher Cliff Lee. I don't want mogul AI deciding to play him as a LOOGY and watching him blow the game.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:08

Beet: Aug 24, 2003

Bring on the MACHINE!

vs. BOTH
1. LF Tim Raines
2. 1B Buck Leonard
3. 2B The MACHINE
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. C Johnny Bench
6. SS Robin Yount
7. CF Earle Combs
8. 3B Paul Molitor

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:34

CFBalla: Sep 16, 2009; Yeah, I just made that shot.

Ughh. Not exactly the final few months I was hoping for, but whatever. A division win is a division win.

Make A-Rod the SS for the rest of the season. Switch Roberts with Walsh in the rotation. I believe if I do this, Roberts will pitch the last game of the season, and then I'll have Bradley/McCormick/Walsh/Roberts for the playoff rotation.

Hope this is in on time!

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:35

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Both CFBalla's and Beet's changes are a second too late! Will their tardiness doom their teams....

...Looks like it won't!

Super-League XIX, Week 26 Injury Report

CONTENDERS ONLY!

Hoboken Zephyrs
Joe Sewell (IF) (GRAH!) - Out until third game of first round

Khartoum Doom
Tom Henke (RP) (Terminated!) - Out until Second Round

Oklahoma City Bombers
Deacon Phillippe (SP) (Because they are the Bombers) - Out for Wildcard Game
Ed Walsh (SP) (See above) - Out until Game 5 of First Round (or thereabouts)

Portland Panderers
Randy Johnson (SP) (OH NO!) - Out until Game 2 of First Round

RCMP
Satchel Paige (SP) (Grim days ahead) - Out until Game 3 of First Round

Rochester Generics
Dazzy Vance (SP) (Dazzled!) - Out until Second Round

South Dakota Marmosets
Eddie Plank (SP) (Got within four feet of Chelsea Baker) - Out for Wildcard Game

World Warriors
Matt Harvey (SP) (JUSTICE!) - Out until Second Round

Pick 'em: Eschaton

Dave Meltzer Five-Star Championships
Sindhi Sheikhs (c) @ Hoboken Zephyrs

Hardcore and Larkin-Downing Championships
South Dakota Marmosets (c) @ Mitchell Kernels

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:47

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

Champs retain til the end.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:48

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

D'oh well. Pick'Em: Champs retain.

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:52

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

Champs Retain

# ? Jun 28, 2016 17:56

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 26, 2024 19:13

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

Sheikhs and Kernels win

# ? Jun 28, 2016 18:05

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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