STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

Mr Luxury Yacht posted:

They finally added the Treks to Canadian Netflix, so I decided to rewatch some of Enterprise because I hadn't seen it since I was like, twelve.

Good lord the last episode. I'd probably nominate it for the worst series finale in history. A plot with basically nothing to do with the rest of the series, randomly killing off one of the main characters but apparently barely any of the crew cares, lumpy, disheveled Jonathan Frakes loving everywhere.

And then ending it with:

"Oh man Archer is about to give an amazing speech that children everywhere will memorize in school centuries later. It's that good!"
"Should we stay and listen?"
"Naw gently caress that Computer End Program"

"It's a love letter to the fans!"
__________________/

*snorts blow off jeri ryan's tits*

# ? Jul 21, 2016 01:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 05:13

shadow puppet of a: Jan 10, 2007; NO TENGO SCORPIO

*del*
"Delete? Y/N"
*Y*
"Backups too? Y/N"
*Y*

# ? Jul 21, 2016 01:06

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Tectonis posted:

Ctrl+A
Shift+Del
Enter

Alternatively:
cat /dev/random > /Usr/JArcher/DONOTDELETE/PorthosPics/Intel.txt

Trip just doesn't back anything up because he is actually a bad engineer

It's not the short commands thing, more that you would think there'd be a password on it or something. Nevermind the door to the room being unlocked.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 01:08

Aaronicon: Oct 2, 2010; A BLOO BLOO ANYONE I DISAGREE WITH IS A "BAD PERSON" WHO DESERVES TO DIE PLEEEASE DONT FALL ALL OVER YOURSELF WHITEWASHING THEM A BLOO BLOO

Mr Luxury Yacht posted:

They finally added the Treks to Canadian Netflix, so I decided to rewatch some of Enterprise because I hadn't seen it since I was like, twelve.

Good lord the last episode. I'd probably nominate it for the worst series finale in history. A plot with basically nothing to do with the rest of the series, randomly killing off one of the main characters but apparently barely any of the crew cares, lumpy, disheveled Jonathan Frakes loving everywhere.

And then ending it with:

"Oh man Archer is about to give an amazing speech that children everywhere will memorize in school centuries later. It's that good!"
"Should we stay and listen?"
"Naw gently caress that Computer End Program"

Hey now. It's terrible but it ain't got nothing on nBSG's series finale. That poo poo was mind-numbingly terrible on a biblical scale.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 01:29

angerbot: Mar 23, 2004; plob

criscodisco posted:

I can only imagine my dad's delight at me taking to Trek like I did, since my sister hated all that stuff. I only wish I could pass my love of Trek on.

Hey now you could always do one of those creepy adopt-a-twink things

# ? Jul 21, 2016 03:20

Velisarius: Nov 1, 2009

Fury is such a poo poo episode, but that's not saying much. What was the point of it? Nice use of your advanced powers, Kes.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 04:21

Typical Pubbie: May 10, 2011

Aaronicon posted:

Yeah I realised that I never watched much of early DS9 so I started the first episode last night myself. Only about halfway through because I rewatched that scene where Sisko meets with Picard and just wants to jump the table and murder him like a billion times. It's some good poo poo.

Saw that episode with my grandpa not too long ago. He had watched a fair bit of TNG back in the 90s (including the borg eps) but never any DS9. Hearing him say "I like Sisko" after the scene with Picard filled my nerd heart with familiar pride

# ? Jul 21, 2016 04:29

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Aaronicon posted:

Hey now. It's terrible but it ain't got nothing on nBSG's series finale. That poo poo was mind-numbingly terrible on a biblical scale.

BSG's end is just a capstone to an increasingly odd season or two. Once the ships fly around to All Along the Watchtower the series goes off the rails. The conclusion of A Caprica six/Angel did it is bad, but humanity descended from a Cylon/Galactican hybrid isn't entirely terrible.

ENT, meanwhile, just meandered, pulled out of a nosedive, and hit self destruct right as it was regaining control. The only way it would have been worse was to haven an It Was All A Dream sequence. (Not like Computer End Program was much divorced from that).

# ? Jul 21, 2016 06:05

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

FilthyImp posted:

BSG's end is just a capstone to an increasingly odd season or two. Once the ships fly around to All Along the Watchtower the series goes off the rails. The conclusion of A Caprica six/Angel did it is bad, but humanity descended from a Cylon/Galactican hybrid isn't entirely terrible.

ENT, meanwhile, just meandered, pulled out of a nosedive, and hit self destruct right as it was regaining control. The only way it would have been worse was to haven an It Was All A Dream sequence. (Not like Computer End Program was much divorced from that).

They really had no idea what they were doing past New Caprica. Iirc, the Final Five were supposedly chosen by tossing darts at a wall.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 06:19

Fat Shat Sings: Jan 24, 2016

Mr Luxury Yacht posted:

They finally added the Treks to Canadian Netflix, so I decided to rewatch some of Enterprise because I hadn't seen it since I was like, twelve.

Good lord the last episode. I'd probably nominate it for the worst series finale in history. A plot with basically nothing to do with the rest of the series, randomly killing off one of the main characters but apparently barely any of the crew cares, lumpy, disheveled Jonathan Frakes loving everywhere.

And then ending it with:

"Oh man Archer is about to give an amazing speech that children everywhere will memorize in school centuries later. It's that good!"
"Should we stay and listen?"
"Naw gently caress that Computer End Program"

To be completely fair here, it is totally in Riker's character that he wouldn't care about Archer's speech.

Being on the Enterprise for a decade with the holodecks and command level access means he has hosed everyone in the audience, and every historical figure up to and including Archer before, during and after his speech.

"Do you want to watch the signing of Japan's surrender after World War 2"
"Nah I hosed all those guys, and had a three way with Leonardo Da Vinci and Leonardo Dicaprio while they signed the treaty on our naked bodies"
"Jesus, fine, okay lets go get some drinks"

# ? Jul 21, 2016 06:20

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Fat Shat Sings posted:

To be completely fair here, it is totally in Riker's character that he wouldn't care about Archer's speech.

Being on the Enterprise for a decade with the holodecks and command level access means he has hosed everyone in the audience, and every historical figure up to and including Archer before, during and after his speech.

"Do you want to watch the signing of Japan's surrender after World War 2"
"Nah I hosed all those guys, and had a three way with Leonardo Da Vinci and Leonardo Dicaprio while they signed the treaty on our naked bodies"
"Jesus, fine, okay lets go get some drinks"

DS9 even states outright at one point that intruding on someone's Holodeck time without permission is like some major felony offense. So you know half of Starfleet does hosed up stuff while off-duty in one.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 06:23

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Neddy Seagoon posted:

DS9 even states outright at one point that intruding on someone's Holodeck time without permission is like some major felony offense. So you know half of Starfleet does hosed up stuff while off-duty in one.

And yet they walk in on Barclay's time every other hour he's in there.

I'd bet $20 that Program BetaSigmaPi is basically a spy cam of Bark's last known holousage. That's why everyone is skeeved out by him.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 06:46

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

FilthyImp posted:

And yet they walk in on Barclay's time every other hour he's in there.

I'd bet $20 that Program BetaSigmaPi is basically a spy cam of Bark's last known holousage. That's why everyone is skeeved out by him.

I was in Beta Theta Pi in college and if Barclay was going half the stuff we did he should be drummed out of Starfleet.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 07:32

Fister Roboto: Feb 21, 2008

FilthyImp posted:

holousage

thought you were trying to type holo sausage for a second

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:01

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

I'd eat some holosausage. Buttchug it, too.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:11

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Fister Roboto posted:

thought you were trying to type holo sausage for a second

That's B'elanna's "Klingon meditation" program. It's also known by its Ferengi registry as "Big Lobes, Bigger Knobs 117: The Next Penetration"

Basically any holodeck program anywhere that starts off with "Barclay" commits it to memory for later public consumption along the Federation.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:15

shadow puppet of a: Jan 10, 2007; NO TENGO SCORPIO

Fister Roboto posted:

thought you were trying to type holo sausage for a second

Troi: "Computer, show me a sausage."

normal meaty sausage appears

Riker: "Make it a Polish sausage"

terrifying rape sausage appears

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:16

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Was it L'waxana Troi that the replicator gave a glass of tea with sausages in it?

At least that made sense. The replicator burned Janeway's pot roast once :psyduck:

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:23

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

It doesn't cook the food in an oven then transport it to your room, idiot writers. I hope you're all working on 2 broke girls now!

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:24

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Or sucking Murphy Brown's dick for a shot at getting back in Hollywood.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:26

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Get an eyeful of Hep C.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:27

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

"I used to write for Paramount."
"Oh, what you up to now?"
"Taking rusty loads in Boystown"

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:28

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

criscodisco posted:

Was it L'waxana Troi that the replicator gave a glass of tea with sausages in it?

The replicator burned Janeway's pot roast once

loving Fedditors slut-shaming Betaz again. I can't stand that 22nd century regressive bullshit.

Well yeah she probably said "pot roast, hot" and when the computer was like "BLEEP PLS SPCFY TMPRTUR" Janeway was all "I don't care. HOT!" So then the compie was "gently caress you bitch is this hot enough :toast:"

But if the replicator can't replicate a delicious sear, or burnt, then that explains how Poppa Sisko's Down Home Gumbo Shoppe and New Orleans Slop Shack is such a delicacy.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:29

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

The existence of labor-intensive Real Food as a prestige good explains why all those fat admirals exist in a world with nutrient-balancing replicators.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:44

Fat Shat Sings: Jan 24, 2016

Wasn't there always some lofty jerk talking down to someone about how the federation doesn't kill animals for food anymore?

Sisko's restaurant was like the holocaust for seafood. Shut the gently caress up whoever was being self righteous (probably Troi)

# ? Jul 21, 2016 08:57

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

I understand that the replicators aren't working on the same level of duplication as the transporters, but if the food is replicated down to the molecular level, how the gently caress would anyone tell the difference unless they were insufferable blowhards? It seems to me that there'd be stories all the time line how someone always sneaks a bottle of mouthwash into a sommelier competition and they always blow their loads over it's complexity.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:17

Eighties ZomCom: Sep 10, 2008

Squizzle posted:

The existence of labor-intensive Real Food as a prestige good explains why all those fat admirals exist in a world with nutrient-balancing replicators.

That and replicated food tastes like poo poo.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:18

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

EvilTaytoMan posted:

That and replicated food tastes like poo poo.

How? How could it possibly taste like poo poo unless you ordered a big bowl of poo poo, hot?

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:19

Eighties ZomCom: Sep 10, 2008

I don't know but they mention it a couple of times in the series. My guess is that they got really bad cooks to make the orignal meals the replicated food is based off.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:22

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

When there's no money there's no property value or rent but physical space is still limited so federation people wouldn't be free to decide where to live. It's probably only societies' elite (and their descendants) which is allowed to stay on cushy planets like Earth. I think you still to this day need to be allowed by the russian Gov. to stay and work in Moscow and St. Petersburg, too.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:23

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Just tell the replicator to make you a steak out of MSG molecules.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:23

Fat Shat Sings: Jan 24, 2016

Or they are all just space hipsters and perfectly replicated food will never compare to "This little hole in the wall on Rigel 4 you've probably never heard of"

None of the people thawed out or travelling from the past had any complaints about the replicated food. So it's just a bunch of selfish future babies that have to complain about having infinite amounts of infinite variations of food.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:25

Eighties ZomCom: Sep 10, 2008

Or maybe it's a psychological thing because they know that replicated stuff is made out of recycled poo poo.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:26

Fat Shat Sings: Jan 24, 2016

EvilTaytoMan posted:

Or maybe it's a psychological thing because they know that replicated stuff is made out of recycled poo poo.

also dead bodies. They never have space funerals like when they shot Spock into space and people die all the time.

Like, they never show a morgue.

So people are just eating all the dead redshirts all the time.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:29

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

The replicators actually make poo poo out of a tank of generic replicator mass rather than conjuring it from nothing (which is why Voyager had that rationed early on), so when you order turkey you're probably getting the equivalent of tofurkey.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:31

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Fat Shat Sings posted:

also dead bodies. They never have space funerals like when they shot Spock into space and people die all the time.

Like, they never show a morgue.

So people are just eating all the dead redshirts all the time.

They do show a morgue. There was the episode where that group of scientists were testing a device that let shuttles fly inside stars, and the guy died from star exposure. His body was in the morgue and Crusher wanted to autopsy him and Picard said "absolutely not it's against their religion" and Crusher was all "lol whatevs" and did it anyway.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:39

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

EvilTaytoMan posted:

Or maybe it's a psychological thing because they know that replicated stuff is made out of recycled poo poo.

That's what the panel on the front of the replicator is for.

It's also why there's no bathrooms in their quarters, just a sink.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 09:57

Milkfred E. Moore: Aug 27, 2006; 'It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.'

Neddy Seagoon posted:

They really had no idea what they were doing past New Caprica. Iirc, the Final Five were supposedly chosen by tossing darts at a wall.

Essentially, yes. For some of them, like Tyrol, it works.

For some of them, like Ellen and Saul, it's mind numbingly weird and creates all sorts of continuity problems.

For others, like Anders and Tory, it's 'lol who cares' and 'lol this would have had more impact if it was Billy' respectively.

I guess one out of five isn't too bad?

BSG had no plans past New Caprica and then the writer's strike torpedoed their original, grittier plan. Everything just kind of... ended. It wasn't a bad ending by any means but it was just... an ending. Things finished in a way that was acceptable but slightly disappointing.

That, and a lot of people were pissed that they talked about angels and God and poo poo.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 10:02

Automatic Slim: Jul 1, 2007

Fat Shat Sings posted:

Wasn't there always some lofty jerk talking down to someone about how the federation doesn't kill animals for food anymore?

Sisko's restaurant was like the holocaust for seafood. Shut the gently caress up whoever was being self righteous (probably Troi)

That was Tasha Yar but she died so who cares. "Q"uinn conjured up Welsh rabbit for Janeway "just like grandpa made" and that was real so Yar was talking smack.

edit:
Apparently, Welsh rabbit or rarebit does not have rabbit.
I've been schooled.

Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Apr 22, 2022

# ? Jul 21, 2016 10:15

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 05:13

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Welsh rabbit is just cheese and toast.

# ? Jul 21, 2016 10:18

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

«‹›2899 »