Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

that's what every single miserable poster in this thread is telling themselves so I hope for my sake it's true

Chomp8645 posted:

Trip Report: Date with Witcher obsessed girl.


Very mediocre date. No major problems, but just not much energy came out from either of us and I had to struggle to keep conversation moving. For some reason all of the passion she displayed for our nerdy hobbies during messaging just didn't come out very much IRL and she didn't offer much else to talk about. Also to the surprise of absolutely no one she was much bigger than her pictures implied, to the point that intentional deception is a possibility. She did pay for lunch though which was nice. She barely even talked about the Witcher but she did bring her Gwent game. Not a bad date, just no passion. I do not think there is going to be a second date.

Poonerman posted:

source your quotes

Chomp8645 posted:

Trip Report: Date with Witcher obsessed girl.


Very mediocre date. No major problems, but just not much energy came out from either of us and I had to struggle to keep conversation moving. For some reason all of the passion she displayed for our nerdy hobbies during messaging just didn't come out very much IRL and she didn't offer much else to talk about. Also to the surprise of absolutely no one she was much bigger than her pictures implied, to the point that intentional deception is a possibility. She did pay for lunch though which was nice. She barely even talked about the Witcher but she did bring her Gwent game. Not a bad date, just no passion. I do not think there is going to be a second date.

Chomp8645 posted:

Trip Report: Date with Witcher obsessed girl.


Very mediocre date. No major problems, but just not much energy came out from either of us and I had to struggle to keep conversation moving. For some reason all of the passion she displayed for our nerdy hobbies during messaging just didn't come out very much IRL and she didn't offer much else to talk about. Also to the surprise of absolutely no one she was much bigger than her pictures implied, to the point that intentional deception is a possibility. She did pay for lunch though which was nice. She barely even talked about the Witcher but she did bring her Gwent game. Not a bad date, just no passion. I do not think there is going to be a second date.

Dogmeat posted:

I also like how she talks about her dork habits in private but keeps it on the DL in public and clearly that's some kind of red flag.

dog buttz posted:

I've known people like that. They're passionate about their hobbies while messaging but get nervous about seeming dorky when face-to-face. Or she's not actually into it that much and it's just really easy to have passionate conversations while messaging because you can be doing other things as well.

Frosted Flake posted:

A woman obsessed with nerdy indoor/sedentary activities not fit??

Chomp8645 posted:

Yeah I'm not gonna analyze why it happened or say that it indicated anything "wrong" because who knows. I just expected that it would be an easy conversation driver once we were face-to-face but that didn't happen and then nothing else really came up to fill void (I think we both tried but nothing stuck). It is what it is.


She seemed average to thin in her photos and she was in the military at one point so I'm guessing the photos were from that era or shortly after and then she gained weight after she got out. The thing is it's actually not a big deal to me as I kinda like chubby girls anyway. I still thought she was cute. But it's just not good in general to meet someone and immediately realize that there is a significant difference between what you saw online and what you are seeing now.

Chomp8645 posted:

Judge Schnoopy posted:

Hey man, hows it going? You doing good? Cool, I'm interested to hea-shut the gently caress up you boring balloon of a retarded single-cell amoeba

quote:

I (36M) snooped and found out that my wife (33F) of three years has been living some kind of sad double life and is not who I thought she was.

Throwaway because the wife knows my main. Sorry in advance for this rambling mess.
Since my wife and I got married three years ago, things have been…off. I know that people grow and change with time, but around our wedding, my wife changed drastically. She bleached her dark brown hair blonde right before the ceremony, and I honestly thought I was in the wrong church for a split second when she came down the aisle. We moved into our house right after the honeymoon, and she went into full domestic mode. We’d shared cleaning duties before, but once we moved into the house, she became INSISTENT on doing everything before I could even get to it. Since this is our first house, I thought it was some kind of homeowner nesting thing, but it never stopped. Her hair color is none of my business and I think most people would be happy not to have to clean, so I honestly didn’t really think much of either of those things at the time. The big thing has always been how closed off she got after the wedding. When we were dating, she’d tell me long rambling stories about her feelings and rant to me when she was upset and all that, and I liked hearing about what was going on inside her head. After the wedding, that stopped pretty abruptly. If I ask her how her day is, she will only ever tell me that it was “fine!” or “super!” She doesn’t talk to me about her feelings anymore, ever, even when I explicitly ask “how do you feel about x?” She also stopped telling me about anything important that happened to her. About a year after we got married, her grandfather died. Did she tell me she’d lost her grandfather? No. She told me that she had to go to a conference for work on the other side of the country, which I thought nothing of. On the second day she was gone, her older brother texted me to tell me that my in-laws had really missed seeing me at the funeral. When I called her to ask why in the ever loving hell she didn’t tell me, and then LIED about it, all she would say was “I didn’t want to trouble you. You have a lot on your plate”. After that, she went on a couple of “spontaneous family trips”. She’s really, REALLY close to her family, so the first time she said she was going camping with her brother at their alma mater, I didn’t think a lot of it other than to be slightly disappointed and confused that I wasn’t invited, because her brother’s cool and the three of us go camping together a lot. But the second time, I started hearing alarm bells.
I’d like to say I’m a more secure man, reddit, but after the second “spontaneous family trip”, my wheels started spinning and I started to think that maybe she was cheating. This was a weird insecurity in the back of my mind for a while, since she wasn’t showing any other big signs of cheating (she wasn’t guarded about her phone and hadn’t changed her routine/appearance). A few weeks ago, she told me she was pregnant. I was over the moon about it until I asked her how many weeks along she was, and she nonchalantly said “about 12 or 13”. She’d been pregnant for like three months before she even bothered to tell me! She’s not really showing at all, and she doesn’t usually drink, so I had been completely in the loving dark. I honestly hadn’t even suspected.
That was kind of it for me. I was sure she was cheating, and that it wasn’t my kid. I thought there was no possible way that a woman would keep her pregnancy a secret from HER HUSBAND for three months. So I snooped. Yes, I know I was wrong, but I wanted proof that she’d been having an affair before I moved out. One of my best buddies from college is a divorce attorney, and when I asked him what I should do, he sent me the info for a key logger. I installed it on my wife’s laptop and was prepared for the worst. Now, I feel like what I found is somehow worse than her cheating. I didn’t find any steamy messages, but I found out that she keeps a diary in a word document that she writes in every day. I know I should have just stopped once I knew she wasn’t cheating, but once I saw my name in her diary, I couldn’t stop. I read all of it. All seven separate documents, going back to way before we’d even met.
Turns out she’s not cheating. She’s depressed as gently caress, hates herself, and has absolutely no trust in me. All of the stuff I’d been confused and bothered by has some kind of sad, self-loathing explanation. She hates having blond hair, but she writes “I know he’d divorce me if I went back to being a brunette, because wives are supposed to be blond” almost every week. The “wives are supposed to be” thing is tangled up in everything. She thinks wives are supposed to be quiet, which is why she doesn’t talk to me anymore. She thinks wives are supposed to “make things easier for their husbands, not harder”, which is why she didn’t tell me when her grandfather died. It just goes on and on and on. She didn’t tell me when she got a huge promotion and a raise because “he’d leave me in a heartbeat if he knew I made more money than he does. Men can’t handle that”. It hurt to know that she thinks of me as some kind of one-dimensional 1950’s husband, and I’ve been wracking my brain to think of anything I could have done to make her think this way.
What I can’t handle is that she’d lied about the big stuff. I honestly don’t know if I can forgive her for not telling me about the miscarriages. The “spontaneous family trips” were actually her miscarrying two of our children, one at five weeks, the other at about 10. She went and stayed with her parents while she was recuperating, and her brother and sister came to support her. But not me. I didn’t get to be there for her, because she thinks I would leave her immediately if I knew that she’d “killed” our children. She’s convinced that she caused both miscarriages because she smoked pot for a long time before we got married. For what it’s worth, it sounds like her family tried both times to get her to tell me, but she wouldn’t. She finally told me about this pregnancy because her parents threatened to tell me she didn’t.
I’m just absolutely loving dumbfounded. I don’t even know what to think right now. I’m just so baffled because everything she says about me in her diary is insanely nice. She goes on for pages and pages about how much she loves me and how she thinks I’m her soul mate and how she would do anything for me. I just can’t understand why she thinks that I would leave her. Knowing that she’s spent the last three years walking on eggshells around me, convinced that I would leave her at the drop of a hat is just so…confusing and awful. I feel like our marriage is some kind of lie. The woman I thought was self-confident and ready to take on the world is actually full of self-loathing and really, really, REALLY depressed. I don’t know her at all. She’s been suffering silently with depression long before we met. She has no faith in me, no trust. She thinks that every hug and kiss I give her and every “I love you” I say is a lie.
I just don’t know what to do. She obviously needs serious help, but I don’t know how to get it for her. I can’t tell her that I read her diary. If she has zero trust in me now, I can’t even imagine what she’d think if she knew if I read six years worth of her private thoughts. I feel like I need to get my in-laws on board somehow, but I don’t know what to say to them. I know I can’t ignore this, but I feel like any move is the wrong move. What do I do??
Tl;dr: thought wife was cheating so I snooped and read her diary. She's actually insanely depressed, has secretly miscarried two of our children, and doesn't trust me one iota. How do I get her help without making things worse?
Edit: after I posted this I realized I'd kind of omitted the deal with the key logger. It's worse than it sounds, honestly. After it showed me what she'd written that day I went onto her computer while she was sleeping and opened up Word. I saw that she had several documents called "diary year x" so I downloaded them all onto a flash drive and read them at work. I went too far, I know.

loquacius posted:

The Witcher is a fairly good nerd obsession for a girl to have, remember it could always be, like, Supernatural or Steven Universe

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Holy poo poo that's dark, jesus christ...

loquacius posted:

whoooooooooo's ready to hear about some lovely inlaws

My deceased father [65M] left me [32M] a large inheritance, which my wife [35F] thinks I should give to her extended family to start a business

Chomp8645 posted:

I used to be a fat but I lost some weight over the last year or so. But it's hard to judge oneself on these matters so idk you tell me. Am I still a fat?






Costume isn't totally finished obs so this is a special sneak peak!

Chomp8645 posted:

e: Ok fine if you don't want me to then I won't.

ee: ok it's back up lol just look down!

Iron Prince posted:

OHHHH fffFuck yeaH saw that poo poo coming a mile back

Chomp8645 posted:

do whatever.

Chomp8645 posted:

Sorry I didn't know it would be so upsetting.