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Turtlicious posted:Good Lord, me and my friends all have terrible stories Violet_Sky this dude was a manipulative rear end in a top hat don't let him get you down, some people are massive poo poo heads, and there's no good way to know which ones those are. You did your best and you're still a good person, try not to let this dude rent out any headspace. My first time story was super similar, some people are just assholes and it sucks, but you learn from it and work through it, sometimes with help.
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Jul 24, 2016 04:24
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Violet_Sky posted:Ghosting really sucks. Why do people even bother dating if people are just going to be immature and not tell people how they feel? At least you can be happy in that he is treating you like people treat everyone else, lovely. Welcome to life 
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Jul 24, 2016 06:19
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A lot of the social expectations around sex can gently caress things up pretty well. I was so wound up that even when it did happen the first time I didn't really enjoy it and contributed to the funk I was feeling at the time. Especially the social poo poo that happens when you sleep with someone that people say you should not sleep with. Not sure what I can say that could help but being ok with your self regardless of sex having status helps a lot with actually forming relationships that could lead to sex, ironically enough.
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Jul 24, 2016 08:05
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Grognan posted:Not sure what I can say that could help but being ok with your self regardless of sex having status helps a lot with actually forming relationships that could lead to sex, ironically enough. Yeah, it's counter-intuitive, but the first step to a good relationship is to enjoy being single.
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Jul 24, 2016 09:06
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Violet_Sky posted:Well we couldnt do anything so we just cuddled and I felt terrible. He kept saying it was okay and we'll figure it out. Maybe he was just upset I dunno. No he can go gently caress himself with a handful of glass. That's a super lovely way to treat another human being.
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Jul 25, 2016 00:42
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TBF the guy had been through some Bad poo poo recently. And when I get upset I cant help apologizing over and over again. It got annoying.
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Jul 25, 2016 06:33
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Violet_Sky posted:TBF the guy had been through some Bad poo poo recently. And when I get upset I cant help apologizing over and over again. It got annoying. It sounds to me like you have been conditioned to believe that everything that goes wrong is your fault. It isn't. No amount of "bad poo poo", capitalised or not, makes up for being a massive rear end in a top hat to someone who doesn't deserve it. If you're not able to handle your partner's problems you're not able to handle a relationship. Not that this guy wanted a relationship. You were convenient and vulnerable, that's all he needed. Give zero thoughts to his feelings because that's the same number he gave to yours.
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Jul 25, 2016 09:52
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Violet_Sky posted:TBF the guy had been through some Bad poo poo recently. And when I get upset I cant help apologizing over and over again. It got annoying. He might have had plenty of excuses and sad life events that make him feel justified in acting like a total poo poo, but that doesn't change the fact that he acted like a total poo poo. The effect on you is just the same and the fact you shouldn't be beating yourself up is not dependent on whether his total shittiness was caused by his Bad poo poo or just because he is at heart a total poo poo. And don't feel like you should have known he was a total poo poo either, some people are incredibly good at hiding it until they have what they want or finished loving you over.
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Jul 25, 2016 12:12
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Violet_Sky posted:TBF the guy had been through some Bad poo poo recently. So maybe at another time in his life he wouldn't have been a giant rear end in a top hat to you. But you met him at the time when he was a giant rear end in a top hat to you, so stop blaming yourself. Next time with the next guy will be better, because you will have seen your doc and therapist about how to approach stuff given where your body and your mind are at right now. And sex stuff goes wrong all the time, even for people with average mobility and muscle control. Kind-hearted people are chill and relaxed about it and take a break or do something else because it's not the end of the world.
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Jul 25, 2016 18:42
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Violet_Sky posted:Ghosting really sucks. Why do people even bother dating if people are just going to be immature and not tell people how they feel?
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Jul 25, 2016 23:20
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What is everyone's favorite online store to buy sexy things from, and what equipment is a good introduction to impact/pain play that isn't going to be too intense? Riding crops? Also, are wireless magic wands as good as the wired ones? I know there's one specific brand everyone likes but I can't remember it. Edit: I don't mind spending real money on good stuff, so online stores where I can get some nicer things are appreciated. KillHour fucked around with this message at 04:48 on Jul 26, 2016 |
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Jul 26, 2016 04:34
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Violet_Sky posted:TBF the guy had been through some Bad poo poo recently. And when I get upset I cant help apologizing over and over again. It got annoying. 'Some bad poo poo', from the sounds of it you're too apologetic for people. There are billions of people on this planet with different tastes, sex drives, kinks and personalities. You just need to find the right person for you, I know it sounds tacky and like something you read from a fortune cookie but it's not bad advice. I generally didn't like hanging out with people and enjoyed staying home on Fridays and weekends but even I managed to find someone I'm comfortable with. You don't owe a guy anything, it sounded like you weren't ready and tried anyway.
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Jul 26, 2016 05:57
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KillHour posted:What is everyone's favorite online store to buy sexy things from, and what equipment is a good introduction to impact/pain play that isn't going to be too intense? Riding crops? Crops can be used gently and that's nice, but it can take some practice. I'd start off with a paddle (but not one with holes in!) because they have a greater surface area and a shorter handle, so they are easier to control.
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Jul 26, 2016 18:00
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KillHour posted:What is everyone's favorite online store to buy sexy things from, and what equipment is a good introduction to impact/pain play that isn't going to be too intense? Riding crops? 
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Jul 26, 2016 18:25
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This is exhaustive to say the least. It's like one of those paint swatch books you get at the hardware store.
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Jul 26, 2016 21:48
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Violet_Sky posted:Welp the guy I saw blocked me and didnt answer my texts. I apologized a lot and we ended up having really bad sex but that isnt a reason to block someone. Again, I know this isnt e/n but I feel like poo poo. : He sounds like a dork, there'll be more if you feel interested again I promise. In the interim it's a good excuse to try doing stuff by yourself if you want to learn what helps you get your rocks off and get more comfortable with intercourse-y things. And I've always found furious masturbation to be a relatively effective antidepressant so it can help with the feeling blue too! Also if we're doing awkward first time chat I panicked first time and went completely flaccid. Turns out panic and stress is bad for sex, who knew. Also some people don't view relationships as the end goal of dating, they just want to have sex. Some people don't see the need to clarify this with their prospective partners first. Some people are actually terrible at socializing and while they appear fun and cool from a distance they're actually awful and fail super hard when it comes to the interpersonal responsibility part of socializing, which is a pretty important part! Some people are also predatory shitstains who know all that and don't care either. Unfortunately people can be hard to tell apart sometimes, but I find experience helps and more time can help give you a better guess as well. Of course time also makes you less impartial if it's someone you're attracted to. Relationships are complicated and difficult I guess is my advice, they can be very much worth it when they go right but it's tough getting to that point, and requires no small amount of luck and a lot of care. I think most people try to write off the harsh learning curve as being part of the experience but that might be hard for you, I know it is for me. OwlFancier fucked around with this message at 22:37 on Jul 26, 2016 |
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Jul 26, 2016 22:29
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I don't even know what half those are from the silhouette alone. She's also going to be tied to the bed, so I'm not sure if I should go short range or long range here. Also, the spelling errors are hilarious.
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Jul 27, 2016 01:35
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There's a whole series of those infographics, and they're all somewhere between bullshit and straight-up wrong. What looks fun to you? If it's part of her fantasy, what's fun for her? Once you choose a thing, then you can look up a how-to.
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Jul 27, 2016 01:46
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i like nice words
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Just start with your hand. Just like every other part of sex.
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Jul 27, 2016 01:53
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KillHour posted:I don't even know what half those are from the silhouette alone. She's also going to be tied to the bed, so I'm not sure if I should go short range or long range here. Also, the spelling errors are hilarious. In descending order: Bagpipes Cricket Bat Cheese Grater Frying Pan Turkey Baster Comb Dead Penguin Shepherd's Crook Lance Torpedo Metal File Curling Tongs Comet Lamp Post Seems fine to me?
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Jul 27, 2016 02:10
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KillHour posted:I don't even know what half those are from the silhouette alone. She's also going to be tied to the bed, so I'm not sure if I should go short range or long range here. Also, the spelling errors are hilarious. It doesn't really matter exactly what they are, basic rule is shorter and more surface area = less painful. I agree starting with your hand is best, and you should also try everything you get on yourself first, e.g. slapping your thigh with a new toy, to get a feeling of how much/little force it takes before it's too much.
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Jul 27, 2016 02:17
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OwlFancier posted:In descending order: The first one is clearly a turkey though?
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Jul 27, 2016 02:20
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What's a good average time for sex? I think I go way too long and it eventually hurts me in getting off. That and too much masturbation.
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Jul 27, 2016 02:31
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The averages I've heard on TV/Radio is about 7-12 minsKillHour posted:I don't even know what half those are from the silhouette alone. She's also going to be tied to the bed, so I'm not sure if I should go short range or long range here. Also, the spelling errors are hilarious. Actual answer as to what they are: Hand Cutting board/small paddle Wood Paddle with holes (made just for spanking) Hairbrush Large Kitchen spoon Ruler Sandal/"Slipper" Cane Switch (cut from a small tree or bush) Belt Leather paddle Tawse Willow (?) branch Riding crop
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Jul 27, 2016 02:57
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We've done the hand thing. Spanking is all well and good, but we want to take it to the next level. She has me bite and hit her pretty hard, to the point where I'm worried I'll seriously hurt her and she still wants it harder. I just don't want to leave serious or permanent wounds. A riding crop seems the most fun to me, so we'll go with that. Any suggestions for online stores that I can get some high quality gear?
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Jul 27, 2016 03:28
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Your cheapest, highest-quality option is an actual riding crop from a tack shop. I mean it could be an online tack shop, but the price is going to quadruple if you want the kind with kissy lips embroidered on it.
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Jul 27, 2016 03:34
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I'm not sure why I didn't think of that. Any you recommend? What about restraint gear?
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Jul 27, 2016 03:38
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KillHour posted:I'm not sure why I didn't think of that. Any you recommend? Easiest restraints to use are cuffs and/or bondage tape. Rope is also well liked and fun, but it takes a bit more work to use it safely, and good bondage rope is either expensive or a pain in the rear end to treat yourself. 89 posted:What's a good average time for sex? I think I go way too long and it eventually hurts me in getting off. I'd say about 20-30 minutes including foreplay.
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Jul 27, 2016 04:06
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I mean a place to order from. I want something that I can actually tie her to the bed with, not just to herself. Think under-the-bed restraints like these: (NWS for almost naked woman) https://www.amazon.com/Restraint-Adjustable-Restraints-Mattress-Comfortable/dp/B01IAN1ULQ/ However, I want something better built and more comfortable than just velcro and nylon straps. I wouldn't mind dropping a few hundred on some nice leather restraints that have some special touches (nice metal hardware, leather from a respected tanner, etc.). Where do you go to get luxury bondage gear, anyways? KillHour fucked around with this message at 05:03 on Jul 27, 2016 |
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Jul 27, 2016 04:47
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You can literally google "luxury bondage gear" and find lots of places willing to take your money. Also etsy.
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Jul 27, 2016 05:14
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Well yes, but there's a difference between calling something "luxury" and charging $300 for it, and something actually worth $300 in craftsmanship and materials. I was asking if anyone has experience with a specific brand that they could suggest. I don't want to be ripped off, but I also don't think a set of $20 nylon straps will be particularly appropriate for something I want to be special and intimate. It's not like there's a ton of easy to find info on brands like there is with shoes or purses or any other luxury good. Completely unrelated, but here's an ad I saw on a porn site: 
KillHour fucked around with this message at 05:34 on Jul 27, 2016 |
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Jul 27, 2016 05:26
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Buy 20 rolls of PVC tape from a hardware supplier for like $2 a roll. Use it for everything. You're welcome.
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Jul 27, 2016 05:38
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Does it have to be black or can I get any color tape?
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Jul 27, 2016 05:44
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KillHour posted:Completely unrelated, but here's an ad I saw on a porn site: Dont doxx me tia.
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Jul 27, 2016 05:55
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KillHour posted:Does it have to be black or can I get any color tape? No, only black tape will give you boners.
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Jul 27, 2016 06:56
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hoobajoo posted:No, only black tape will give you boners. And regardless you won't be going back to any other colored tape anyways.
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Jul 27, 2016 15:16
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DandyLion posted:And regardless you won't be going back to any other colored tape anyways. I'm getting tired of all these Ducking memes.
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Jul 27, 2016 15:34
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KillHour posted:I want something better built and more comfortable than just velcro and nylon straps. I wouldn't mind dropping a few hundred on some nice leather restraints that have some special touches (nice metal hardware, leather from a respected tanner, etc.). Where do you go to get luxury bondage gear, anyways? The kink thread's last iteration really enjoyed BearThings on Etsy. I have not personally tried his gear but it got solid reviews from those who had. Re: rope, we just bought a roll of thick paracord and keep it near the bed. You could use any sort of rope or tiedown, and knot or clip it into the D-rings on the cuffs. Just don't wrap bare rope around her limbs. Rope cuts off circulation far too easily.
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Jul 27, 2016 19:17
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Faerunner posted:The kink thread's last iteration really enjoyed BearThings on Etsy. I have not personally tried his gear but it got solid reviews from those who had. I hadn't thought of that, but yeah, that would work well too. There are specific ties that won't cut off circulation, and look super sexy, but nylon is lovely at holding them. Hemp is the best for rope bondage, but like I said, you either have to treat it yourself so it's not scratchy as gently caress, which is a huge pain in the rear end, or buy it pre-treated which is expensive compared to cuffs with chain or nylon rope.
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Jul 27, 2016 19:38
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Twisted Monk makes good ropes if it's something you want to get semi serious about. In DC the rope scene is pretty large and it's a decent gateway to making kinky friends.
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Jul 27, 2016 22:10
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