EL BROMANCE posted:

The 9/11 guy should fire up a copy of Microsoft flight sim from back in the day and see if he can nail the timing of the 2nd strike to his radio broadcasts.

SniperWoreConverse posted:

Woah can't have the pilot with his hands off the stick, that's how you end up ditching in some field in pa

quote:

Whenever my wife isn't home I drink heavily. Before we met I didn't drink much but every time I'd have so much as a beer during dinner she'd comment on it. Instead of drinking less it just drove me to drink alone to avoid it. I'm probably a full blown, if somewhat functional alcoholic now. I go to work, keep the bills paid and all that. But give me a day to myself and instead of seeing my family, going to the gym or something I'll drink until I can't feel my hands.

I feel that there's so much drama around me having alcohol in public it makes drinking in secret give me this huge rush. I know what I'm doing is self destructive but I just don't want to stop the ride. I don't drive drunk, I'm not running up our credit card excessively from the cost, I'm just binge drinking alone.

quote:

i jerked off a friend of mine while his girlfriend was asleep in the same room. she had given me permission to do kinky non-sexual poo poo with him before and ended up being ok with it when she found out but i still feel like a piece of poo poo for doing it without her knowing/consulting her

Hopper posted:

Define "kinky non-sexual"...

NVJ posted:

Drinking alone is awesome

quote:

i wore a Death Cab For Cutie tshirt "ironically" when i had my abortion

quote:

I've never learned to tie my shoes. I am nearly 30 years old. I went to special ed classes when I was a kid but didn't understand the concept and remember being put into a corner to practice and I would just twirl my laces together idly. After that, I would just have my mom tie them for me. After I realized that was starting to get a bit weird, I figured out how to tie them in my own way--make a loose knot, thread one end through, thread the other end through, and tighten.

Numerous people have tried to tell me the correct way over the years, or have even demonstrated it for me-- but my mind just goes a total blank and I tune it out. The truth is, and this superstition gets stronger with every passing year--I'm afraid to learn how. I've gone this long without knowing and I feel like if I ever cement to memory the correct way of doing it, or god forbid, actually do it the correct way myself, my whole world will collapse and I'll lose the last tenuous link to my childhood and even though I'm getting old, I can't risk losing everything that the current me has been built upon, even if its just a stupid symbol.

And yeah I know that that's crazy dramatic but thats just how I feel. Also I suffer from anxiety issues and my avoidance of tying elderly patients shoes, among many other things (like the fact that I'd get actually, literally, lost inside of any hospital or nursing home and once had a full-blown panic attack just trying to find my way back from the restroom), was one of the reasons I flunked out of nursing school.

A Strange Aeon posted:

Don't men and women come in their sleep when having wet dreams? That's hands free, right? So I would think your brain is strong enough to make no-touch orgasm, right?

Murphy Brownback posted:

If you can't even figure out the bunny ears way of tying your shoes there's no hope for you. Unless you want to be that guy wearing velcro shoes into adulthood I guess.

A Strange Aeon posted:

Don't men and women come in their sleep when having wet dreams? That's hands free, right? So I would think your brain is strong enough to make no-touch orgasm, right?

quote:

I've started watching "cum tribute" videos ironically because I find weeaboos ruining their laptop screens by jizzing on Overwatch porn to be hilarious. How would they even explain that to the repair shop, lol.

PS Mae is bae.

quote:

I'm 27 and have basically never even kissed a girl let alone anything else. The only two times that's happened was a middle school camp game of spin the bottle, I can remember the look of disgust on her face stil, it wasn't even like I was deformed or fat or anything it's just I was that nerdy kid everyone despised so I decided to act disgusted myself afterwards on it make seem more like a joke, if it was now people would probably think I was asexual.

The second time was a few years ago I was drunk and a lesbian friend of a friend asked me to kiss her.

But the thing is I'm pretty sure I'm at least mostly straight I want to ask girls out and especially in recent years my social issues have melted away I get on with most people I meet, except I just can't start a conversation up with women that I hope will lead to a hint of a romantic path.
I used to justify it saying I'm in no state for a relationship I'm unemployed and still living with my parents without any money to do much things with other people. But now I've at least got an almost full time job ( albeit low paying and a waste of my potential) and generally due to still living with my parents have a decent amount of disposable income that excuse has fallen by the wayside. All I have left for excuses are being fat (but losing) and all the women I hang out with not being single.

loquacius posted:

As I understand it wet dreams happen when you're not getting laid or masturbating enough and your subconscious decides to take a little initiative

due to the "not masturbating" requirement I don't imagine many people here are that familiar with them, no

H.H posted:

albeit low paying and a waste of my potential

H.H posted:

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

The worst is when it happens when nothing remotely sexual is going on in the dream.

SciFiDownBeat posted:

once I actually came while lucid dreaming. that was pretty sick

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

how have none of you ever had a wet dream

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

The worst is when it happens when nothing remotely sexual is going on in the dream.

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

how have none of you ever had a wet dream

quote:

So I got out of the military like 7 months ago. I tell everyone, including myself, that it was on purpose, but really I was just so incredibly depressed I really did let myself go and got a PT discharge. I'm still depressed I guess and even though I'm fatter now and smoke more, I'm a little happier.

But I work at a gas station while I figure out what classes to spend my GI bill on. It's not the worst job or anything. I'm pretty good friends with the manager's daughter, who I usually work with for a few hours before she leaves. Unfortunately since I'm a depressed internet guy, she's my only friend except for a drinking buddy or two and some of my other coworkers.

To make a long story short, over the past 6 months or so, unless I'm totally bananas, she's probably pretty close to cracking herself. She was home schooled her whole life, and while working retail somehow made her not a total sperg weirdo, she doesn't have any friends, and doesn't do literally anything besides go to work and sleep from what her brother tells me. On top of not starting college in the past year and a half. Maybe I'm projecting here but she pretty much looks and acts like I do when I'm doing a bad job of hiding how I'm feeling

What the hell should I do internet strangers. The only reason I haven't given up on myself yet is because I felt I could help other people, but if I can't even help my coworker, what's the point? Plus like she really does sound like I did when I was suicidal, which scares the poo poo out of me. But I don't know how to broach a topic like 'you sound like youre going to kill yourself and you should see a shrink'. I'm a internet dweeb with bad enough social skills that I'm writing a loving anonymous email.

quote:

Thanks to Pokemon Go getting me out and about, I've discovered a sort-of fetish of mine I wasn't aware of and have recently become obsessed with. I like to wander around my neighborhood and find someone else walking around that seems to live in the area (like if I see them walk out of their apartment in the morning). I prefer to go for attractive women. I follow them while I half-heartedly play the game and try and learn their routine over the course of a few days - a week (if I can find them again the next day).

After each of these sessions I go home and masturbate while I imagine us together. I actually have started keeping a document where I take their picture with the pokemon camera and take notes on when I see them, where/when they go etc.

I know this is all wrong, and to be perfectly clear it's just a sexual thing, not something I'd ever want to turn into a reality. I think it's harmless because for the most part I'm just another guy going to/from work playing around on his phone going the same way as them (as far as they know).

quote:

I like to go on hunting trips a lot. Just me, my rifle, and the woods. I love it.

I had a favorite place to go, because there was never anyone else up there. I could camp out, hike, and hunt for a week and never see any signs of other humans. It's a rare thing to find a place like that in North America these days, and I really cherished it.

I had taken a week off from work and gone out and set up camp, when for the first time I saw other people in my woods. It was on my second day out there that I found a beer bottle on the ground, and saw a trail left by them, and I followed it. They had set up camp next to a creek, looked to me like a bunch of teenagers. Loud ones, playing bad music and drinking bad beer. Not the kind of person I would willingly allow in my woods.

Needless to say, I resolved to Scooby Doo the poo poo out of them. I read a lot of /k/, and there's a kind of running joke about "skinwalkers", where people make up stories about these things that kind of look like bad imitations of men, and I figured I'd pretend to be one of them. My first inclination was to pretend to be a bigfoot but bigfoots are too well known and not particularly scary anyway so skinwalking was what I settled on.

So I go back to my camp and leave all my poo poo there. I strip down nude(it was summer, thankfully) except for my sheath with my hunting knife in it, and I roll around in the mud and get all kinds of filthy. Then I creep back over to the enemy camp and I observe(and I bring a little surprise for them for later). It's dark by now, and they've put up their tents and poo poo and gotten a half-assed fire pit going. I say half-assed, loving Smokey would have poo poo himself with rage, that thing loving sucked. It only strengthened my resolve to get these fuckos out of my woods before they burnt it down. I spend an hour or so just listening, and memorizing a couple of things they said so I can repeat them when I get down to proper skinwalking. By this time they've gotten sleepy, and a most of them decide to go in for the night.

This is when I start it. I put on the croakiest, weirdest sounding voice I can manage, and start shouting back phrases that they said earlier in the night. The ones that are still up are confused at first, then they get annoyed. At first I think I hosed it up, and they know I'm just some douchebag calling out weird poo poo in the woods, but then I recognize the opportunity. I keep it up, and call more frequently, and eventually the two guys that are still up come plodding into the trees to try and find me.

I avoid them, which isn't too hard because they're a bit drunk and stupid besides, and I deploy my surprise. The head of a wild hog I'd managed to bring down the previous day, dropped right in the middle of their fire pit. Smokey would have been proud, I think, because I can't stress to you how lovely that firepit was. Holy gently caress, they'd put like 2 rocks on either side of it and dug down like an inch. It was surrounded with dry summer grass, too. loving hell.

Anyway, I had honestly expected that I would have had to do more work, and I had some other stuff planned, but as soon as they came back and saw the hog head they pretty much poo poo themselves. They went around yelling and woke everyone up and they had their poo poo packed and out of there that night. To be honest I don't actually know where they went, this place was pretty secluded and there weren't any roads nearby or anything. They didn't strike me as being experienced so they may very well have just bumbled off into the woods and been eaten by bears. I wouldn't feel bad if that were the case because they were liable to have set themselves on fire had I not chased them off. I never saw them again, anyway.

quote:

In my neighborhood, it's very common to leave spring cleaning excrement in "free boxes": put the loot in a box (optional), write "free" on it (optional), leave it on the sidewalk. Goodwill-quality stuff most of the time.

I make a point of it to drive on roads where these boxes are likely (quiet streets with lots of apartments) and note their location on my way home from work. Then, at night, I "go for a walk". I hit up the locations and look, mostly, for women's shoes.

I throw most of my loot away - too new, too old, too stinky, not fragrant enough, but keep a few for their magical wanking assistance. Mostly I shove my face into them and breathe.

I'm over thirty, physically healthy, married (not that happy), and consistently hating myself more than I thought possible. I recently had the bright idea of wearing these things, taking my shame to a new level.

I wonder if just cheating would be easier on my mental health.

H.H posted:

I like to go on hunting trips a lot. Just me, my rifle, and the woods. I love it.

I had a favorite place to go, because there was never anyone else up there. I could camp out, hike, and hunt for a week and never see any signs of other humans. It's a rare thing to find a place like that in North America these days, and I really cherished it.

I had taken a week off from work and gone out and set up camp, when for the first time I saw other people in my woods. It was on my second day out there that I found a beer bottle on the ground, and saw a trail left by them, and I followed it. They had set up camp next to a creek, looked to me like a bunch of teenagers. Loud ones, playing bad music and drinking bad beer. Not the kind of person I would willingly allow in my woods.

Needless to say, I resolved to Scooby Doo the poo poo out of them. I read a lot of /k/, and there's a kind of running joke about "skinwalkers", where people make up stories about these things that kind of look like bad imitations of men, and I figured I'd pretend to be one of them. My first inclination was to pretend to be a bigfoot but bigfoots are too well known and not particularly scary anyway so skinwalking was what I settled on.

So I go back to my camp and leave all my poo poo there. I strip down nude(it was summer, thankfully) except for my sheath with my hunting knife in it, and I roll around in the mud and get all kinds of filthy. Then I creep back over to the enemy camp and I observe(and I bring a little surprise for them for later). It's dark by now, and they've put up their tents and poo poo and gotten a half-assed fire pit going. I say half-assed, loving Smokey would have poo poo himself with rage, that thing loving sucked. It only strengthened my resolve to get these fuckos out of my woods before they burnt it down. I spend an hour or so just listening, and memorizing a couple of things they said so I can repeat them when I get down to proper skinwalking. By this time they've gotten sleepy, and a most of them decide to go in for the night.

This is when I start it. I put on the croakiest, weirdest sounding voice I can manage, and start shouting back phrases that they said earlier in the night. The ones that are still up are confused at first, then they get annoyed. At first I think I hosed it up, and they know I'm just some douchebag calling out weird poo poo in the woods, but then I recognize the opportunity. I keep it up, and call more frequently, and eventually the two guys that are still up come plodding into the trees to try and find me.

I avoid them, which isn't too hard because they're a bit drunk and stupid besides, and I deploy my surprise. The head of a wild hog I'd managed to bring down the previous day, dropped right in the middle of their fire pit. Smokey would have been proud, I think, because I can't stress to you how lovely that firepit was. Holy gently caress, they'd put like 2 rocks on either side of it and dug down like an inch. It was surrounded with dry summer grass, too. loving hell.

Anyway, I had honestly expected that I would have had to do more work, and I had some other stuff planned, but as soon as they came back and saw the hog head they pretty much poo poo themselves. They went around yelling and woke everyone up and they had their poo poo packed and out of there that night. To be honest I don't actually know where they went, this place was pretty secluded and there weren't any roads nearby or anything. They didn't strike me as being experienced so they may very well have just bumbled off into the woods and been eaten by bears. I wouldn't feel bad if that were the case because they were liable to have set themselves on fire had I not chased them off. I never saw them again, anyway.