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Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"

Ryoshi posted:

lmfao three days for posting something someone sent in

way to go smythe, that one post was definitely worse than nooner, dgsw and the rest of the clown brigade continually making GBS threads up GBS, sure. definitely needed to shoot the messenger there, good modding!!

e: this thread can now indefinitely be about wiping your rear end For The Good Of The Community

Suck my dick you fuckman

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loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

If anything will stop this conversation I bet this confession will

I had to read this, so now you all have to read it too :colbert:

quote:

Posting on behalf from what a popular D&D poster confessed to me in person. He hasn't given permission to post this but his story must be told. His name have been changed...

Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. She went to Florida State, he went to Penn. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. He was really happy to see her so he decided to give her some oral action.

He had done this numerous times before and he always enjoyed doing it...but for some reason, this time, she smelled really horrible, and she tasted even worse. He didn't want to offend her though because he hadn't seen her in months...so he put a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to cover it up, even though it didn't do much to help.

In the course of eating her out, he accidentally pushed the candy inside of her... and stuck a finger in to grab it out. He took it out, and put it back into his mouth and bit it. Only...it wasn't the Jolly Rancher.

It was a nodule of gonorrhea.

As in, the blister-like structure that gonorrhea makes filled with diseased pus was the size of a loving Jolly Rancher and the poor guy BIT it. I guess it was really dark in the room. He freaked out and started vomiting all over the place when it exploded in his mouth...

He demanded to know what was going on, turns out she had cheated on him at a club like, the first week of college, and hosed some random guy and the stupid bitch had no clue what was wrong with her. She noticed a strange smell though.

Space Camp fuckup
Aug 2, 2003

That is loving foul.

also free H.H

Waroduce
Aug 5, 2008
FSU girls are nasty only behind ASU. I had alot of friends go and visited a few times.

mbt
Aug 13, 2012

Sir_Charles posted:

also free H.H

3 days is really long like.....lmao

why even a probe though, this thread is full of people saying "don't kill yourself"

if they were real actual suicide messages (they almost definitely weren't, nothing in here is real), you just shut out the only way for these people to anonymously express themselves. Now they'll just write their thoughts in a journal then jump off a bridge. Thanks.

china bot
Sep 7, 2014

you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX
Plaster Town Cop

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Smythe is weird about talking about suicide

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva

Sir_Charles posted:

also free H.H


Do it for the communal good imo

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
I think HH should definitely have some kind of filter in what he posts because just posting e verything obviously encourages the poo poo we don't want to read to be sent in, but probating him for his bad rules is stupid. Maybe a 6 hour probation to get the point across, but 3 days?

neutral milf hotel
Oct 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy

Murphy Brownback posted:

I think HH should definitely have some kind of filter in what he posts because just posting e verything obviously encourages the poo poo we don't want to read to be sent in, but probating him for his bad rules is stupid. Maybe a 6 hour probation to get the point across, but 3 days?

Hh only posts every 12 hours or so and a 6 hour probie would probably not even be noticed

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

If someone eating gonorrhea didn't stop the rules derail maybe an update from an old confesser will

quote:

Update on the lottery situation.

My daughter turned 18 a few days ago and paperwork for support is finalize and will have no contact with my ex wife from now on.

I will cash in on the 24th

For those who said don't screw my daughter over... She has been living with me for the last 6 years. Her mom is a meth head and I pay child support so she won't try anything in court. She hasn't wanted anything to do with her daughter for years now. I had my daughter move out when a crackhead tried to molest her at night. As long as I would send the support she wouldn't try to get her daughter back in court.

I am paying for college and a first home for her.

My ex wife knows the support stops now and will never find out about my lottery winnings.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Lottery goon, maybe your wife didn't try making a fuss to get her daughter back but I think with a bajillion dollars or whatever on the line she'll probably sit up and take notice. You seem pretty confident and the die is cast now anyway so good luck and godspeed I guess, just keep an eye out.

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
dick

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Sir_Charles posted:


also free H.H

Escape_GOAT
May 20, 2004

quote:

Hey anonymous confession thread. I have sinned.

I used a hook up site and went out with a fat girl with bad face today. Her profile pics were super touched up. I'm currently writing this from my phone at a wal mart parking lot airing out my car from the smell of her nasty rear end and puss. We attempted to gently caress cause I make horrible life decisions but her fat folds were too epic. I was nice and said I'd text her but I won't. I've already gotten rid of my profile on that site and found her Facebook and blocked it. I'm really afraid this will come back to bite me in the rear end somehow. I feel nothibg but hatred for myself in this moment. Forgive me, SA, for I have sinned

Slam whale, just bail

purple death ray
Jul 28, 2007

me omw 2 steal ur girl

Lol lottery goon is probably hosed. Good luck though.

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
H.H is a loving idiot if he won't curate the confessions.... but there probably aren't enough good ones to have a whole rolling thread about them. IDK shits hosed.

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

bradzilla posted:

Smythe is weird

:agreed:

censoring the suicide crap is the right choice but I think a 3 day probie was a little over the top. unless H.H just flat out refused to filter the confessions

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

VanSandman posted:

H.H is a loving idiot if he won't curate the confessions.... but there probably aren't enough good ones to have a whole rolling thread about them. IDK shits hosed.

About half of them seem to be garbage that nobody wants to read. If he just did one confession per post instead of 2 it'd still be updated just as much. Probably a good third of them or so never get responded to at all.

Gay Weed Dad
Jul 12, 2016

cool dude, flyin' high

loquacius posted:

If anything will stop this conversation I bet this confession will

I had to read this, so now you all have to read it too :colbert:

This is an old school urban legend, word-for-word

goth smoking cloves
Feb 28, 2011

Hey goon who is into grannies share your secrets with the thread.

City of Tampa
May 6, 2007

by zen death robot

awesomebrah posted:

Hey goon who is into grannies share your secrets with the thread.

drive a nice Buick, keep some hard candies at your house. Learn how to make a Brandy Alexander (it's a drink)

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Didn't H.H. like two posts later say he was gonna start curating them anyways and he gets probed on top of that just lol.

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Jastiger posted:

Didn't H.H. like two posts later say he was gonna start curating them anyways and he gets probed on top of that just lol.

Not really, he just said he'd stop posting the ones that just said "shut the gently caress up _____".

DicktheCat
Feb 15, 2011

Non-anon confession: I still use "c'mon you little pissbitch" as a pee charm. Ever since reading that and trying it, it has worked without fail if I couldn't pee. Gets your bladder in line if you get bossy, I guess.

What is this magic?

Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
the Jolly Rancher confession is a popular copypasta thing as soon as I saw the candy mentioned my eyes skipped over everything else to avoid imminent nausea

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

It's so obviously fake, too, I mean everybody knows gonorrhea pustules don't just spontaneously detach without popping, you really need to scrape with your teeth to get at the good stuff.

buckets of buckets
Apr 8, 2012

CHECK OUT MY AWESOME POSTS
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3681373&pagenumber=114&perpage=40#post447051278

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3681373&pagenumber=91&perpage=40#post444280066

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3818944&pagenumber=196&perpage=40#post472627338

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3788178&pagenumber=405&perpage=40#post474195694

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3831643&pagenumber=5&perpage=40#post475694634

loquacius posted:

If anything will stop this conversation I bet this confession will

I had to read this, so now you all have to read it too :colbert:

gently caress you

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

quote:

My wife has always been fat. At first, it didn't bother me that much, but as the years go by I seem to notice her physical flaws more and more. When I first met her, I was really attracted to how put together she was, always wearing flattering clothes, beautiful makeup, nice perfume, great hairdos, etc. Its not like being intimate with her initially was some huge shock as to what she looked like naked, but I guess those new relationship chemicals in my brain kind of tuned out her physical flaws.

Now, as we are getting older, it is hard not to notice them. When she undresses, I see every flaw and can't ignore it. She has a weird body type, where her widest part is near where most women's waist would be, she's got a small butt and a lot of fat on her back/sides. Her legs are comparatively slender, and she doesn't have this huge fupa that most other fat women have, but instead has a very pronounced 'roll' of fat around the bottom of her ribcage, right under her boobs. Her boobs are average sized, but set on a lumpy torso they look proportionally small and widely spaced. She has a lot of fat around her neck, and I guess the constant skin contact gives her a lot of skin tags in the area.

Aside from her body's appearance she's an amazing person, very kind and hardworking. I have suffered a disfiguring deformity my whole life, inoperable. I feel like a hypocrite for being so judgemental when I myself feel like I look like the elephant man, and that she's so willing to accept my physical flaws when it starts to make me insecure that I can't accept her. I was always raised to believe it is what's inside that counts, and to divorce someone purely over appearance feels extremely shallow especially since I would in theory expect a woman I consider 'hot' enough to ignore my own physical flaws.

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



wife fat goon, there's no problem with wanting to be attracted to your wife

if you're some kind of elephant man though and you're looking to trade up, good luck

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
That's a lot of words to say "she's an apple type."

Squashing Machine
Jul 5, 2005

I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

Ryoshi posted:

lmfao three days for posting something someone sent in

way to go smythe, that one post was definitely worse than nooner, dgsw and the rest of the clown brigade continually making GBS threads up GBS, sure. definitely needed to shoot the messenger there, good modding!!

e: this thread can now indefinitely be about wiping your rear end For The Good Of The Community

Pretty much this, I'm really glad we keep losing threads that have actual content and not the same reposts of "five guys what's his name suck my drat balls" from the Mentally Ill Crew

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.

lotto goon posted:

Update on the lottery situation.

My daughter turned 18 a few days ago and paperwork for support is finalize and will have no contact with my ex wife from now on.

I will cash in on the 24th

For those who said don't screw my daughter over... She has been living with me for the last 6 years. Her mom is a meth head and I pay child support so she won't try anything in court. She hasn't wanted anything to do with her daughter for years now. I had my daughter move out when a crackhead tried to molest her at night. As long as I would send the support she wouldn't try to get her daughter back in court.

I am paying for college and a first home for her.

My ex wife knows the support stops now and will never find out about my lottery winnings.

For fucks sake listen to me. I've got more than a decade of experience in investment and banking and have seen poo poo like this a few times and she 100% is going to lawyer up the second she hears you won the lottery to see if she can get any of it. And the first call that lawyer is gonna make is to the lotto commission who will tell him the winning ticket was bought while she was still owed and they are going to sue you for it. Wait until it's just about to be too late to claim. By then she will not be looking into it, and will probably not think too much of it. Or at least wait a few more months. The more amount of time you put between stopping payments and cashing that out the better your chances of keeping it for you and your daughter.

EDit:
Obviously it's your decision, but if you think for a second that a meth head isn't gonna think of a way to get more money from you then you don't know how hard meth heads work/look to get money. Hell, she could even send someone to rob you.

Solice Kirsk fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Aug 11, 2016

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003
H.H. and I have spoken and are on good terms. The thread is proceeding just fine through another mouthpiece. Posting that suicide advocacy confession was extremely poor judgement and I had to send a strong message about that.

I enjoy this thread as much as the next guy, but it's a bit treacherous and needs to be handled with care.

Ten Wasted Dollars
Oct 24, 2010

Smythe posted:

H.H. and I have spoken and are on good terms. The thread is proceeding just fine through another mouthpiece. Posting that suicide advocacy confession was extremely poor judgement and I had to send a strong message about that.

I enjoy this thread as much as the next guy, but it's a bit treacherous and needs to be handled with care.

why the gently caress did you probate yourself so much you absolute madman

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Smythe posted:

H.H. and I have spoken and are on good terms. The thread is proceeding just fine through another mouthpiece. Posting that suicide advocacy confession was extremely poor judgement and I had to send a strong message about that.

I enjoy this thread as much as the next guy, but it's a bit treacherous and needs to be handled with care.

this is my strong message that that probation was extremely poor judgment, jsyk

edit: I know "when you have a hammer" and all that but most people consider words to be an ideal medium for messages, perhaps try using those in the future

Rockman Reserve fucked around with this message at 22:57 on Aug 11, 2016

value-brand cereal
May 2, 2008

Thanks you for clarifying your reasons and taking a milder route instead of just up and locking/gassing a Good Thread. I feel like PMing/posting 'don't post about suicide ideation/baiting here' might have also worked but whatever. Let the confessions flow!

Tolkien minority
Feb 14, 2012


bradzilla posted:

Smythe is weird about talking about suicide

if u probate people for mentioning suicide no one will ever kill themselves. its a foolproof plan.

china bot
Sep 7, 2014

you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX
Plaster Town Cop

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SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva

bradzilla posted:

Smythe is weird about talking about suicide

:smith:

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