"Reminder that this is a thing that actually happened" MEGATHREAD

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > "Reminder that this is a thing that actually happened" MEGATHREAD

«‹›72 »

memba this This poll is closed.
goku	130	46.43%
goku	150	53.57%
Total:	190 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

a new study bible!: Feb 2, 2009; BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:25

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 7, 2024 19:31

a new study bible!: Feb 2, 2009; BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly

CANNIBAL GIRLS takes consecutive top of page snipes

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:25

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Sudo Echo posted:

i can't find poo poo about this

Does ChristianFruits actually exist? Where can I get my own DVD for praying away the gay?

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:28

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

Sudo Echo posted:

im angry dr. carrot, md

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:31

Ellie Crabcakes: Feb 1, 2008; Stop emailing my boyfriend Gay Crungus

Putty posted:

i can't find poo poo about this

Does ChristianFruits actually exist? Where can I get my own DVD for praying away the gay?

It's making fun of Veggie Tales.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:41

Schwarzwald: Jul 27, 2004; Don't Blink

Putty posted:

i can't find poo poo about this

Does ChristianFruits actually exist? Where can I get my own DVD for praying away the gay?

Sadly, Christian Fruits was not a thing that actually happened. It's just a spoof by the LiarTownUSA person or people.

http://liartownusa.tumblr.com/post/148856788095/christian-fruits-funversion-therapy-dvd

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:42

Fiend: Dec 2, 2001

Drawn Together did it first with Veggie Fables

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:42

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Schwarzwald posted:

Sadly, Christian Fruits was not a thing that actually happened. It's just a spoof by the LiarTownUSA person or people.

http://liartownusa.tumblr.com/post/148856788095/christian-fruits-funversion-therapy-dvd

I would have concluded that pretty easily if these Tumblr blogs even had a vague description on what they were about. Seeing something funny on Tumblr usually means it's stolen or reposted to oblivion.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:45

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

All those posts about the MOVE bombings and nobody mentioned that police and others have portrayed the assault as cops against a house full of fanatics armed to the teeth. It was 7 adults with a few single-shot rifles, and there were over 500 police officers on the scene who fired more than 10,000 rounds of ammunition. Even if they hadn't bombed the place it would still have been insane overkill.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 07:00

Radical 90s Wizard: Aug 5, 2008; ~SS-18 burning bright,
Bathe me in your cleansing light~

Sounds like USA cop standard procedures

# ? Aug 15, 2016 07:47

Vaginal Vagrant: Jan 12, 2007; by R. Guyovich

The funniest part Is they built the bomb themselves. I mean, its America, surely there are no other places to get a bomb.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 08:44

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Golem II posted:

https://vimeo.com/41205386

When God gives big tits to horrible nerd chicks it's too remind us how pissed off he is at us for not purging bronies, furries, animus and the rest of that degenerate ilk

# ? Aug 15, 2016 09:51

Shoehead: Sep 28, 2005; Wassup, Choom?
Ya need sumthin'?

I guess modern American Police are just too impatient to lay siege and starve em out.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 10:07

Two Feet From Bread: Apr 20, 2009; I'm. A. Fucking. Nazi.

please punch me in the face
i love it
give it to me daddy; College Slice

happyhippy posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_Challenge_2002

It was also to show how the Iraq invasion would go.

Basically Iran/Iraq caused a poo poo load of deaths, outwitting the US. And the US side player cried fowl and changed the rules.

No wonder the US hosed up in Iraq if they did poo poo like this.

I remember this. This entire portion of the exercise was simulated. No one ever actually did so much as even launch a boat.

Red team abused the program in such a way that, had they done what they did in the real world, they would have violated the laws of time, space, physics, and would have had literally needed to use dark magic and the necronomicon to bring people back from the dead.

All during a multi million dollar tax payer funded training exercise.

loving ballsy to delibritly gently caress up what was basically the largest war game in human history by changing your class to a Time Lord necromancer. The Red general was a retired Marine so that kind of explains everything.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 10:17

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Two Feet From Bread posted:

I remember this. This entire portion of the exercise was simulated. No one ever actually did so much as even launch a boat.

Red team abused the program in such a way that, had they done what they did in the real world, they would have violated the laws of time, space, physics, and would have had literally needed to use dark magic and the necronomicon to bring people back from the dead.

All during a multi million dollar tax payer funded training exercise.

loving ballsy to delibritly gently caress up what was basically the largest war game in human history by changing your class to a Time Lord necromancer. The Red general was a retired Marine so that kind of explains everything.

The retired general was loving salty that he had been denied one last promotion before leaving the force - so he decided to take out his anger on everybody when they asked him if he could head the opposing team.

The core issue is that the exercise was designed to evaluate the impact of electronic communications on operations. All messages had to be routed through a neutral processing station, where dedicated personnel simulated the effects of real-world communications, including lost transmissions, intercepts etc. Also troop movements and other data would be passed through staff and hidden behind fog of war before being sent to the other team. So in the end the teams would be forced to work around the shortcomings of their technology, and the staff would have tons of data on how commanders work under stress with imperfect information, and how they approached vulnerabilities in enemy communications.

General Ripper said gently caress it and refused to use the communication / situation relay system at all. He just stomped his feet and said no to repeated requests. So in the end the team Blue ended up in a situation where they were cut off from the game. It was impossible for them to proceed because there were no physical units to observe ad react to - all they had available was their communications channels and simulated models, and Ripper refused to contribute information to those models, instead he unilaterally ran his own dodgy calculations based on actions only he and nobody else was able to observe, and based on them he said he won.

Afterwards he came up with some half-baked non-sense about using guerilla tactics in a simulation where doing so was impossible due to technical constraints.

There was even more cheating, like Ripper reporting missile launches from boats that either didn't exists, or were smaller than the missiles fired from them.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 12:55

Fushigi Yuugi fansub: Jan 20, 2007; BUTT STUFF

Two Feet From Bread posted:

I remember this. This entire portion of the exercise was simulated. No one ever actually did so much as even launch a boat.

Red team abused the program in such a way that, had they done what they did in the real world, they would have violated the laws of time, space, physics, and would have had literally needed to use dark magic and the necronomicon to bring people back from the dead.

All during a multi million dollar tax payer funded training exercise.

loving ballsy to delibritly gently caress up what was basically the largest war game in human history by changing your class to a Time Lord necromancer. The Red general was a retired Marine so that kind of explains everything.

steinrokkan posted:

The retired general was loving salty that he had been denied one last promotion before leaving the force - so he decided to take out his anger on everybody when they asked him if he could head the opposing team.

The core issue is that the exercise was designed to evaluate the impact of electronic communications on operations. All messages had to be routed through a neutral processing station, where dedicated personnel simulated the effects of real-world communications, including lost transmissions, intercepts etc. Also troop movements and other data would be passed through staff and hidden behind fog of war before being sent to the other team. So in the end the teams would be forced to work around the shortcomings of their technology, and the staff would have tons of data on how commanders work under stress with imperfect information, and how they approached vulnerabilities in enemy communications.

General Ripper said gently caress it and refused to use the communication / situation relay system at all. He just stomped his feet and said no to repeated requests. So in the end the team Blue ended up in a situation where they were cut off from the game. It was impossible for them to proceed because there were no physical units to observe ad react to - all they had available was their communications channels and simulated models, and Ripper refused to contribute information to those models, instead he unilaterally ran his own dodgy calculations based on actions only he and nobody else was able to observe, and based on them he said he won.

Afterwards he came up with some half-baked non-sense about using guerilla tactics in a simulation where doing so was impossible due to technical constraints.

There was even more cheating, like Ripper reporting missile launches from boats that either didn't exists, or were smaller than the missiles fired from them.

wikipedia posted:

Red, commanded by retired Marine Corps Lieutenant General Paul K. Van Riper, adopted an asymmetric strategy, in particular, using old methods to evade Blue's sophisticated electronic surveillance network. Van Riper used motorcycle messengers to transmit orders to front-line troops and World-War-II-style light signals to launch airplanes without radio communications.

Red received an ultimatum from Blue, essentially a surrender document, demanding a response within 24 hours. Thus warned of Blue's approach, Red used a fleet of small boats to determine the position of Blue's fleet by the second day of the exercise. In a preemptive strike, Red launched a massive salvo of cruise missiles that overwhelmed the Blue forces' electronic sensors and destroyed sixteen warships. This included one aircraft carrier, ten cruisers and five of six amphibious ships. An equivalent success in a real conflict would have resulted in the deaths of over 20,000 service personnel. Soon after the cruise missile offensive, another significant portion of Blue's navy was "sunk" by an armada of small Red boats, which carried out both conventional and suicide attacks that capitalized on Blue's inability to detect them as well as expected.[1]

At this point, the exercise was suspended, Blue's ships were "re-floated", and the rules of engagement were changed; this was later justified by General Peter Pace as follows: "You kill me in the first day and I sit there for the next 13 days doing nothing, or you put me back to life and you get 13 more days' worth of experiment out of me. Which is a better way to do it?"[2] After the reset, both sides were ordered to follow predetermined plans of action.

After the war game was restarted, its participants were forced to follow a script drafted to ensure a Blue Force victory. Among other rules imposed by this script, Red Force was ordered to turn on their anti-aircraft radar in order for them to be destroyed, and was not allowed to shoot down any of the aircraft bringing Blue Force troops ashore.[3] Van Riper also claimed that exercise officials denied him the opportunity to use his own tactics and ideas against Blue Force, and that they also ordered Red Force not to use certain weapons systems against Blue Force and even ordered the location of Red Force units to be revealed.[4]

This led to accusations that the war game had turned from an honest, open, free playtest of America's war-fighting capabilities into a rigidly controlled and scripted exercise intended to end in an overwhelming American victory,[3] alleging that "$250 million was wasted".[5]

tl;dr: the red general (a :siren:

MARINE

) outwitted the blue team and when the blue team lost they demanded a respawn

Fushigi Yuugi fansub has a new favorite as of 13:49 on Aug 15, 2016

# ? Aug 15, 2016 13:16

GolfHole: Feb 26, 2004

Booblord Zagats posted:

When God gives big tits to horrible nerd chicks it's too remind us how pissed off he is at us for not purging bronies, furries, animus and the rest of that degenerate ilk

lmao no it's not, you just got a foam boner

GolfHole has a new favorite as of 13:30 on Aug 15, 2016

# ? Aug 15, 2016 13:27

jenny jones fan: Dec 24, 2007

Fojar38 posted:

anyone else remember war machine

I like how his equally brain dead brother took over his Twitter and vehemently rails against "political correctness gone amuck" because War Machine had to face consequences for nearly beating a woman to death.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 13:44

jenny jones fan: Dec 24, 2007

Memba this?

# ? Aug 15, 2016 13:48

Viruswithshoes: Mar 26, 2007

# ? Aug 15, 2016 14:16

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Viruswithshoes posted:

I seem to recall they were also on acid at the time.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 14:21

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Viruswithshoes posted:

They were on acid in this picture.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 14:21

Groke: Jul 27, 2007; New Adventures In Mom Strength

I'm Crap posted:

that's loving gnarly

Inspired some pretty gnarly music, too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05uI1tjBlHU

# ? Aug 15, 2016 14:27

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

Nauta posted:

tl;dr: the red general (a MARINE ) outwitted the blue team and when the blue team lost they demanded a respawn

That is a very poor Wikipedia article. There were detailed write ups in the various milhist threads, also shouldn't be hard to google info on this.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 14:36

Two Feet From Bread: Apr 20, 2009; I'm. A. Fucking. Nazi.

please punch me in the face
i love it
give it to me daddy; College Slice

Nauta posted:

tl;dr: the red general (a MARINE ) outwitted the blue team and when the blue team lost they demanded a respawn

Hey, buddy. Buddy. Hey. You know those small boats? The ones used to launch cruse missiles? The literal row boats and bass boats that can't support the weight of the cruse missiles, let alone survive their launch? Those boats. The very same boats that have no way to guide the cruse missiles to their destination. Yes, those boats. The hundreds of wooden boats that had to be specially modified to launch cruse missiles in less than 24hrs and have the missiles loaded on to them? A process that would be so massive that it couldn't be hidden. Literally. Can't be hidden. A process that would take weeks. Literally, the weeks just to get them all loaded. Well, Red did it all in 24 hours, and then took the top heavy boats with no actual way to move the weight out into waves that would capsize the boats, and then fired unguided cruse missiles at moving naval targets over the horizon and hit every ship. Then, Red took those boats that have literally been sunk by the unbreakable laws of physics 4-5 times by now, and the dead crews that were all killed in their own magic missile back blast. Well Red brought them all back to life and magically rearmed them with enough explosives to sink war ships and then them out into the open ocean to sink the rest of the ships.

Red's response to Blue saying what Red did was literally impossible to hide a war effort the size of the D-day invasion and do what they said they did in 24 was 'we have carrier pidgeons and motorcycles. Check mate. *tips fadora*'

Yea, you are as dumb as Iran for thinking that plan is possible. But at least you didn't build an entire navy sub branch off out it like Iran did before they realised that Red was probably trolling them. So yea, buddy, you're dumb.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 15:41

Presteign: Aug 8, 2004; consent is overrated

Nauta posted:

tl;dr: the red general (a MARINE ) outwitted the blue team and when the blue team lost they demanded a respawn

Hey guys, get this: Wikipedia can be wrong!

# ? Aug 15, 2016 15:46

Hail Mr. Satan!: Oct 3, 2009; by zen death robot

Did red team kill your parents

# ? Aug 15, 2016 15:46

je1 healthcare: Sep 29, 2015

"Uhm, check the rulebook, and find me where it says I can't load cruise missiles onto rowboats :spergin:

If the developers didn't approve of it then they wouldn't allow it."

# ? Aug 15, 2016 16:29

Johnny Aztec: Jan 30, 2005; by Hand Knit

je1 healthcare posted:

If the developers didn't approve of it then they wouldn't allow it."

And then screams up a storm when the devs patch it out.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 16:35

Phyzzle: Jan 26, 2008

A MOVE-style reaction happened to white strikers as well.

http://www.upworthy.com/ever-heard-of-the-battle-of-blair-mountain-federal-troops-were-called-against-13000-miners

Coal companies hired a private army to take care of striking workers by killing the local sheriff, taking over the region, and building an armored train car bristling with machine guns called "the death express" to mow down striking miner families (who were living in tent cities since all housing was company owned). Eventually, the Army was called in with aerial bombing support - to put down the strikers for good.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 17:08

CubanMissile: Apr 22, 2003; Of Hulks and Spider-Men

cuck cuck im gay posted:

Memba this?

Guarantee you that the girls who wanted to do Johnny Depp still want to do him just as much now. Hell, women still wanted to sleep with Aaron Hernandez when he was going up for murder. People are weird about their celebrity crushes.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 17:10

Phyzzle: Jan 26, 2008

A CIA agent tasked with keeping tabs on the Iranian nuclear industry (by working undercover in an energy company) had her cover blown and crucial system of spies wrecked by Dick Cheney. He did this as a retaliation for her husband reporting "the wrong answer" when investigating Saddam's yellow cake uranium.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plame_affair#Jury_reaction

# ? Aug 15, 2016 17:17

Shoehead: Sep 28, 2005; Wassup, Choom?
Ya need sumthin'?

je1 healthcare posted:

"Uhm, check the rulebook, and find me where it says I can't load cruise missiles onto rowboats

If the developers didn't approve of it then they wouldn't allow it."

Haha, he might be the highest ranked example of a Beardy General

# ? Aug 15, 2016 17:36

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

Phyzzle posted:

A CIA agent tasked with keeping tabs on the Iranian nuclear industry (by working undercover in an energy company) had her cover blown and crucial system of spies wrecked by Dick Cheney. He did this as a retaliation for her husband reporting "the wrong answer" when investigating Saddam's yellow cake uranium.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plame_affair#Jury_reaction

one of the few examples of the reach and power of dick's pimp hand

# ? Aug 15, 2016 17:45

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat

Groke posted:

Inspired some pretty gnarly music, too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05uI1tjBlHU

church of misery owns

# ? Aug 15, 2016 17:59

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Phyzzle posted:

A CIA agent tasked with keeping tabs on the Iranian nuclear industry (by working undercover in an energy company) had her cover blown and crucial system of spies wrecked by Dick Cheney. He did this as a retaliation for her husband reporting "the wrong answer" when investigating Saddam's yellow cake uranium.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plame_affair#Jury_reaction

lol what a loving disaster that war was in all ways. i'd never ehard about this and the chilcot report here was damning about UK involvement in the run up to it

# ? Aug 15, 2016 18:08

Altared State: Jan 14, 2006; I think I was born to burn

http://static.evercrest.com/www/images2/ext/tmntnet2.mov

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:17

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Golem II posted:

http://static.evercrest.com/www/images2/ext/tmntnet2.mov

Broken link?

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:26

Necc0: Jun 30, 2005; by exmarx; Broken Cake

Phyzzle posted:

A CIA agent tasked with keeping tabs on the Iranian nuclear industry (by working undercover in an energy company) had her cover blown and crucial system of spies wrecked by Dick Cheney. He did this as a retaliation for her husband reporting "the wrong answer" when investigating Saddam's yellow cake uranium.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plame_affair#Jury_reaction

It bends the mind just how horrendously lovely the Bush administration was in every possible measure and it made me super frustrated when political newbies showed up this election equivocating the Democrats and Republicans. No motherfucker. If you weren't politically aware during the Bush years you absolutely aren't allowed to make that statement.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 14:37

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 7, 2024 19:31

Altared State: Jan 14, 2006; I think I was born to burn

Solice Kirsk posted:

Broken link?

# ? Aug 16, 2016 14:47

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > "Reminder that this is a thing that actually happened" MEGATHREAD

«‹›72 »