"Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > "Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

«‹›72 »

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

There's tons of BETBFs porn.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 00:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 14:23

A Strange Aeon: Mar 26, 2010; You are now a slimy little toad; The Great Twist

Are foot fetishes really the most common fetish? I feel like it'd be difficult to rank fetishes by their popularity, since past a certain point, most people don't find them acceptable.

Of course I've heard of a foot fetish before, but isn't BSDM or whatever pretty common too?

Do women ever have foot fetishes for guy feet?

# ? Aug 22, 2016 01:39

A ILL BREAKFAST: Jun 9, 2007; *unsheathes katana*

A Strange Aeon posted:

Are foot fetishes really the most common fetish? I feel like it'd be difficult to rank fetishes by their popularity, since past a certain point, most people don't find them acceptable.

Of course I've heard of a foot fetish before, but isn't BSDM or whatever pretty common too?

Do women ever have foot fetishes for guy feet?

Depending on how banal you want to get with it, redheads are probably the most common fetish

# ? Aug 22, 2016 01:42

Buttcoin purse: Apr 24, 2014

H.H posted:

Not a big deal, I'm sure a lot of guys have a similar routine if they see a really hot woman.

lol

# ? Aug 22, 2016 02:05

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Sick rear end "freckle followers."

# ? Aug 22, 2016 02:08

God Of Paradise: Jan 23, 2012; You know, I'd be less worried about my 16 year old daughter dating a successful 40 year old cartoonist than dating a 16 year old loser.

I mean, Jesus, kid, at least date a motherfucker with abortion money and house to have sex at where your mother and I don't have to hear it. Also, if he treats her poorly, boom, that asshole's gonna catch a statch charge.

Please, John K. Date my daughter... Save her from dating smelly dropouts who wanna-be Soundcloud rappers.

A Strange Aeon posted:

Do women ever have foot fetishes for guy feet?

Some women do. I've dated one.

I never liked feet, but getting your own feet kissed feels pretty cool.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 02:50

client: Aug 19, 2010

how do foot people decide what feet are hot? like is it a size thing or what?

legit all i know about foot fetishes comes from that one episode of king of the hill

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:03

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

Depending on how banal you want to get with it, redheads are probably the most common fetish

I'd say asian women/yellow fever would be. Or Black men. Noble savages in general, really.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:06

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

client posted:

how do foot people decide what feet are hot? like is it a size thing or what?

legit all i know about foot fetishes comes from that one episode of king of the hill

No big veins, proportioned toes, well kept nails.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:26

fluffykittys: Aug 22, 2016; I can't hear you over the sound of me licking my own anus.

Fetishes are awesome.
It's, of course, hard to say what the most common one is, because there are so few people who feel comfortable being open about them.
When you look at what little research has been done on the topic, one of the cool things about them is that 1) We don't consciously choose our fetishes. and 2) Deviant sexual interests often begin to develop before people are sexual. As in, when you are a child, you start to develop interests in things that are totally non-sexual, and as you become old enough to have sexual interests, those other interests can become sexualized. In other words, if you thought Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles were really cool when you were little, as you grow older, you might randomly start having a sexual attraction to one and not the other, and no one really knows why or what to do about it. Isn't that great? And by great, I may mean really lovely, depending on how you look at it.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:39

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

client posted:

how do foot people decide what feet are hot? like is it a size thing or what?

legit all i know about foot fetishes comes from that one episode of king of the hill

probably tending toward roman & greek morphology

I have greek feet for instance but my lineage is danish/saxon

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:44

A ILL BREAKFAST: Jun 9, 2007; *unsheathes katana*

dookifex_maximus posted:

probably tending toward roman & greek morphology

I have greek feet for instance but my lineage is danish/saxon

those are just names, they aren't indicative of region

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:45

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

oh thank god i thought i had to vote communist and fight in a phalanx

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:53

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Greek feet represent! But I'm Italian/Spanish in decent. Probably why I like gyros.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 03:58

mbt: Aug 13, 2012

which toe indicates if you're gay

# ? Aug 22, 2016 04:08

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Mortimer posted:

which toe indicates if you're gay

Watching the Toe-ny's is a good indicator.

*crowd bursts into applause

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!

# ? Aug 22, 2016 04:13

Speleothing: May 6, 2008; Spare batteries are pretty key.

What they call 'Greek' and 'Celtic' there is more commonly referred to as morgan's toe or morgan's foot. It's a real loving bitch when you're trying to make a living selling athletic footwear because why the gently caress is some jerk's second toe longer, and can't he have some hobby other than asking me about finding the perfect fit for his screwed up feet?

# ? Aug 22, 2016 04:13

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

no joke i just took a second look at my feet and i noticed the toeumb and pointer toe were almost the same length all of the sudden. my pointer toe is curled! when I straightened it, suddenly I realized -- I had celtic feet!

MY ENTIRE UNIVERSE WAS SHATTERED IN THAT MOMENT MY ETHNICITY IS SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME

# ? Aug 22, 2016 04:17

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

i'm deffo gonna have to give up the whole roman guise, right? english kings don't have a history of assuming latinicity right?

phew, i'm safe. thanks history, for being a meaningless collection of self-importance

# ? Aug 22, 2016 04:20

mbt: Aug 13, 2012

dookifex_maximus posted:

no joke i just took a second look at my feet and i noticed the toeumb and pointer toe were almost the same length all of the sudden. my pointer toe is curled! when I straightened it, suddenly I realized -- I had celtic feet!

MY ENTIRE UNIVERSE WAS SHATTERED IN THAT MOMENT MY ETHNICITY IS SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME

thanks for answering my question, it's celtic feet that mean you are gay

# ? Aug 22, 2016 04:23

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

Mortimer posted:

thanks for answering my question, it's celtic feet that mean you are gay

so whatcha packin :allears:

# ? Aug 22, 2016 04:53

Buttcoin purse: Apr 24, 2014

Mortimer posted:

thanks for answering my question, it's celtic feet that mean you are gay

So do guys who get off on the smell of women's shoes also like their other body odors or are they only attracted to certain types of stench?

# ? Aug 22, 2016 05:57

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

I have a rather benign one so it's not all I almost/did murder a dozen orphan stories.

I have no idea what compelled me to do so but I watched the anime episode of south park more times than I can count. For a solid week I watched that silly thing over and over again. It was bad enough that I told myself hey you should do something else now and then like a meth addict I'm queuing it back up and feeling bad about myself. I could not tell you why that one made me go so bonkers. It was a good one but it was hardly some masterful piece of media that will ring through the ages. I don't recall being depressed or anything of that sort. It happened and that is my shame to carry.

I don't even like anime either.

quote:

('i ain't want kids' goonlady) I know that vasectomies are cheaper, easier and less invasive, and we've definitely discussed that. I think my husband is okay with it, but I feel bad asking him to do it; I'm the one who's terrified of pregnancy and would rather never have to deal with it on my end. neither a vasectomy or tubal ligation is on the table anytime soon, of course, and at least my implant BC gets rid of my periods, unlike ligation.

sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting children because my mom really wants grandkids for some reason (and the rest of my siblings are literal goons so lmao) but then I remember that she was influenced/guilted into having kids, and guilted into not aborting the gently caress out of me and my younger sibling, and none of that turned out well... also she's a lovely person tbqh

I hope everyone here who has kids or wants to is able to provide them with a safe and loving home, please don't gently caress your kids up, encourage them to express their feelings and concerns, and try not to abuse them, yeah?

# ? Aug 22, 2016 06:22

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

I've been going through a stressful period in my life haven't been keeping up with clean eating and enough exercise like I'd want to.

Feeling the need for some reassuring schadenfreude I was prompted to look up old coworkers and see what they are doing.

I found the blog belonging to one of them and the reflexive response I got from seeing her face again was to go and exercise for an hour. She is so, so ugly. She is fat (and a fat activist), but even if her skeleton got lipo she would still look like the real life, living embodiment of some D&D enemy that lives in a bog.

Thank you lovely coworker for being as crappy looking as you were a person.

quote:

I've built a sort of new hybrid meme that's going to become at the very least, a minor "thing" on the forums. I'm laying groundwork now. It's a good meme that has the kind of snap that really hooks into your brain. I don't want to "blow the load" all at once but It's already getting into people's heads.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 06:23

Basch lives!: May 31, 2011; Grimy Drawer; Dinosaur Gum

ambient robot posted:

Have you ever gotten so horny that you shove a shoe up your own rear end?

Well someone had to say it.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 06:26

Hedrigall: Mar 27, 2008; by vyelkin

H.H posted:

I've built a sort of new hybrid meme that's going to become at the very least, a minor "thing" on the forums. I'm laying groundwork now. It's a good meme that has the kind of snap that really hooks into your brain. I don't want to "blow the load" all at once but It's already getting into people's heads.

Is it "slappy pappy weh weh"?

# ? Aug 22, 2016 06:31

Inzombiac: Mar 19, 2007; PARTY ALL NIGHT

EAT BRAINS ALL DAY

I once watched the movie Hackers about a hundred time one summer when I was young.
In my defense, I'm really stupid and have brain problems.

Plus I did other stuff like drawing and playing with LEGO.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 06:33

Basch lives!: May 31, 2011; Grimy Drawer; Dinosaur Gum

H.H posted:

Gay porn dude: you can't be 100% certain until you try sucking a dick.

Anonymous confessions: you can't be 100% certain until you try sucking a dick.

Inzombiac posted:

I once watched the movie Hackers about a hundred time one summer when I was young.
In my defense, I'm really stupid and have brain problems.

You stupid fuc...actually I did the same thing with Friday. My older brother and I. Every other day for weeks that summer, until we had most of the lines memorized. "Are you prepared, for Jehova's return, cause if you not *slam*. Well gently caress YOU. Half dead lookin' mutha-fucka. C'mon sista. C'mon!"

# ? Aug 22, 2016 06:37

Clitch: Feb 26, 2002; I lived through
Donald Trump's presidency
and all I got was
this lousy virus

hosed up teeth goon: Get it done as soon as you can. Due to some neglect issues, my teeth were starting to fall apart before I graduated high school. I made it into my late twenties, before I finally got them yanked, and had dentures. As long as you don't go for gleaming white horse teeth, nobody notices. The first 2-3 weeks suck, but afterwards, you will be so much happier. Living with bad teeth is a miserable existence.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 07:26

Count Thrashula: Jun 1, 2003; Death is nothing compared to vindication.; Buglord

H.H posted:

('i ain't want kids' goonlady) [...] I think my husband is okay with it, but I feel bad asking him to do it;

I think the majority of e/n life disasters happen because one person is afraid to talk to the other person about something.

Just talk, you'll feel better.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 13:11

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

Thank you, "shoe-up-rear end" goon for making my afternoon brighter. xxx

# ? Aug 22, 2016 13:47

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

kill bill must have been very traumatic for anyone with a foot fetish

# ? Aug 22, 2016 13:54

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

I was in pulse when it was shot up. I saw my boyfriends head get shot into pieces. I ran out and was able to get away.

None of my friends and family know this because I'm still in the closet.

quote:

So as a background my parents were/are Pentecostal Christians, they founded a church together with some other people. Life growing up all I knew was the church, all my friends were from and only could be from the church. I went to public school but I only had very few friends cause I was always taught to spread the word of god and that poo poo obviously made me into an outcast. We were taught the typical fundie bullshit, denied evolution, aids was gods curse for fags etc.

Anyways obviously as I entered my teens I started questioning things and learned from middle school to tone down the preachy poo poo if I wanted to make normal friends. Highschool was pretty fun, I got along with mostly everyone, went to church on the weekends to keep my parents happy, got laid, drank, did some drugs, went to parties.

I got close to this guy who was kinda an outcast, he was a typical goon type of person outwardly and very smart and I honestly enjoyed his company. I think in our last year in highschool he came out to me and said he had feelings for me. I was shocked I didn't see it coming, I never had any interaction with any LGBT people (that I knew of) at that point, so years of fundie brainwashing coupled with the shock of hearing that my friend is gay and had feelings for me caused me to lash out and threaten him. I apologized a little bit later, and he also apologized for some reason.

It's been a good decade or so since this, I pretty much hosed off from the church at 18 and made my way to atheism. I've simce also met and have a few gay friends right now, and having heard their stories of coming out for the first time, and what a significant moment that is in someone's life I feel incredibly ashamed and frustrated at my handling of it.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 13:55

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

I'm in my thirties and have no friends.

Like... Zero. Bupckus. Goose egg.

I'm not some social pariah (well, I don't THINK, at least). I get along with people fine, and throughout my life, I've always made friends incredibly easily. But I never bother keeping them. I grew up on a street where the only kids were either three years older than me or six years younger, so I had to depend on school for friends. But school was a mess of yearly redistricting so even if I made a friend in say fifth grade, sixth grade would come and I'd never see them again because they now went to School Y. So maybe that's why? It only really stabilized in high school, but by then I feel like I was already in this pattern of... Only making friends of convenience?

I have work acquaintances, but I couldn't give two shits about them once I'm out of the building. I'm on a few different forums or whatever and I GUESS some of those people could count as friends. But only just barely.

Thing is? I'm not sure I mind it all that much.

quote:

This is about something that happened at school when I was 6. It's probably weird that I seem to have vivid memories about this over 30 years later - I remember my teacher's name, I remember going to her house, what it looked like and what her street looked like, I can almost picture the lego in the corner of our classroom. None of that is relevant to this story though.

In my class there was this girl, let's call her Sally, but I'm 99% sure I remember her real name. She was a bit fat, but then so was I, and hopefully for her she's done even better getting rid of that puppy fat than me.

There were these two guys in our class, who I remember as being older kids. I kinda remember the teacher introducing them, so I think they weren't there for the whole year. I don't think they were old enough to be student teachers - like I said, I remember them as older kids - but then when you're 6 you're not so good with ages. I seem to remember them being quite a bit taller than us, so I don't think they were just dumb kids that had been kept back. Maybe they were high school students doing some work experience for a week or something, is that something that might happen? Anyway let's call one of these guys Bob.

There were like 8 classrooms in our part of the school, but I think I remember we had one set of bathrooms and most or all of the other 7 classrooms used a different set of bathrooms, I think it was because we were all the way down the end of the building and they had this one little concrete and cinder block bathroom block. I suppose it had the usual partitions between stalls that don't go all the way to the roof or the floor, I don't really remember, but I do remember the partition between the girls and boys sides didn't go all the way to the floor.

Okay yes I'm finally getting to the point: one day Bob said to Sally that he'd give her a candy bar if she'd go into the bathrooms (on the girls side like normal) and lay down on the floor, up against the gap at the bottom of the partition, and pull up her skirt and pull down her underpants. I guess they figured the fat girl would be more likely to want candy? She said she'd do it but they couldn't touch her.

I was in the bathroom when it happened - I don't know if I wanted to see, or if it was just a coincidence - and they did actually touch her vagina. She got mad at them, I don't remember what else happened but I suppose she just got up and walked away.

I don't know what I thought of this all at the time - I certainly wasn't excited by what I saw, I was way too young for that. I don't know if I kept remembering it and thinking about it back then. In the last couple of years I do keep remembering it though. Sometimes it's probably from reading news articles about child molesters getting prosecuted many years after their crimes. I think about Bob and try to remember how old he was - was he only a little bit older than us, so it was just like playing doctor kind of stuff, or was he old enough that it was more like he was a (young) child molester? I could probably go to my parents house, find my class photo, pick her face out to get her surname, then contact her and see if she'd like me to speak up as a witness if she wanted to press any charges. Maybe it was no big deal for her though, maybe she'd rather not be reminded of it. I guess I'd rather forget about it all but I don't seem to be able to, but just thinking of it every now and then is probably less painful than possibly going to court and testifying.

H.H fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Aug 22, 2016

# ? Aug 22, 2016 13:58

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Please don't call up some girl from your childhood and be all "hey remember when you showed your vagina off for a candy bar?". If she wants or wanted to press charges she will, she doesn't need you to swoop in and save her.

Did they at least honor the deal and give her the candy by the way?

# ? Aug 22, 2016 14:04

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Sorry orlando pulse goon, hit me up in pm's if you need to vent or something.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 14:05

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

"Something" in this particular case means "gently caress"

You're a manipulative monster, forums user SneakyFrog.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 14:10

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

KomodoWagon posted:

"Something" in this particular case means "gently caress"

You're a manipulative monster, forums user SneakyFrog.

Nah dongs are weird looking but thank you anyhow poophead.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 14:19

Count Thrashula: Jun 1, 2003; Death is nothing compared to vindication.; Buglord

Can an 8 year old be a "young child molester"? Serious question.

I mean, I'm assuming by "a little bit older than us" you mean 8 or 9, and not 16.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 14:19

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 14:23

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

COOL CORN posted:

Can an 8 year old be a "young child molester"? Serious question.

Hard to say but a 12-year-old sure can.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 14:42

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > "Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

«‹›72 »