"Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > "Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

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PureEvil6_13: Jun 1, 2004; I LIKE PETA AND THINK THAT SCIENCE IS EVIL

I feel kind of bad for hookergoon and wish I could get her a legit job but maybe she's fishing for that who knows, everyone is a liar right?

# ? Aug 22, 2016 14:42

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# ? May 10, 2024 09:08

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

That candy bar molestation story was the hardest thing to read in the thread. I kinda wanna print it out and give it to my English teacher friend to see her head explode.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 15:26

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

COOL CORN posted:

"young child molester"

please dont steal my MC name

# ? Aug 22, 2016 15:33

Kodilynn: Sep 29, 2006

COOL CORN posted:

Can an 8 year old be a "young child molester"? Serious question.

I mean, I'm assuming by "a little bit older than us" you mean 8 or 9, and not 16.

Yes, they can. It may not register fully as to what they're doing but lack of education, trauma, or even abuse can lead them down this road from a much earlier age. It can require counseling even as far as inpatient admission to a mental health facility because of the way it damages them. If it's a source of curiosity it may seem harmless to the person doing it, but not to the person they're doing it to. Doesn't make it right either way.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 15:42

Tsyni: Sep 1, 2004; Lipstick Apathy

Kodilynn posted:

Yes, they can. It may not register fully as to what they're doing but lack of education, trauma, or even abuse can lead them down this road from a much earlier age. It can require counseling even as far as inpatient admission to a mental health facility because of the way it damages them. If it's a source of curiosity it may seem harmless to the person doing it, but not to the person they're doing it to. Doesn't make it right either way.

Welcome to the Tumblr age, ladies and gentlemen. Smfh.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 15:50

Kodilynn: Sep 29, 2006

Tsyni posted:

Welcome to the Tumblr age, ladies and gentlemen. Smfh.

Yeah yeah ask a stupid question get a serious answer.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 15:55

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Tsyni posted:

Welcome to the Tumblr age, ladies and gentlemen. Smfh.

if the tumblr age involves child molestation being called out as child molestation sign me the gently caress up

# ? Aug 22, 2016 16:20

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Tsyni posted:

Welcome to the Tumblr age, ladies and gentlemen. Smfh.

you suck, goonsir

# ? Aug 22, 2016 16:28

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

I'm pretty sure that's the white knightiest thing I've ever read. "Yeah I'm gonna track someone down from grade school and defend their honor and try to press charges against something that happened before either party hit puberty"

# ? Aug 22, 2016 16:44

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

If something gross and weird happened to me when I was 6, I'm sure I'd want someone to track me down 30 years after the fact and tell me how brave and powerful I am for coping with it for my entire life

# ? Aug 22, 2016 16:47

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

I am a survivor. I know now, as an adult, that that older boy in my elementary school wasn't Chinese, and he hadn't put peepee in my Coke. But, the question that keeps me up at night, that makes it impossible for me to trust anyone of Asian descent, is this: what if he had?

Squashing Machine fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Aug 22, 2016

# ? Aug 22, 2016 16:53

Warm und Fuzzy: Jun 20, 2006

Solice Kirsk posted:

That candy bar molestation story was the hardest thing to read in the thread. I kinda wanna print it out and give it to my English teacher friend to see her head explode.

I spotted the secret meme!

# ? Aug 22, 2016 17:13

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

her head asplode

# ? Aug 22, 2016 17:17

Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

When I was 11 I got sent to a mental ward in California for suicide attempts and a mental breakdown. My first roommate there was a 12 yo child molester. Needless to say, I requested a room change real quick.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 17:35

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

When his dark past catches up to him, David (Luke Wilson) finds himself as the only 34-year-old inmate at the New York Juvenile Detention Center.

David: Come on guys, I'm not a child molester! That was 25 years ago!!

Crowd of Children: Pe-do pe-do pe-do

David: (Quietly to himself) This is bullshit...

# ? Aug 22, 2016 17:40

C-Euro: Mar 20, 2010; Soiled Meat

JFC I hope that Pulse confession was fake because that is some seriously depressing stuff. Sorry for your loss if real :smith:

# ? Aug 22, 2016 18:11

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

lena dumb-ham molested her sister

# ? Aug 22, 2016 19:50

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Mycroft Holmes posted:

When I was 11 I got sent to a mental ward in California for suicide attempts and a mental breakdown. My first roommate there was a 12 yo child molester. Needless to say, I requested a room change real quick.

A former coworker of mine has 3 kids, though she actually only lives with 2. The youngest is almost like a serial killer in the making: molested and attacked his older siblings, tortures and kills small animals, etc. No amount of therapy or institutionalization has seemed to have any kind of effect in terms of improving him as he gets older, and his siblings are downright afraid of him. No school will take him for very long because of his violent tendencies. The whole family has their share of problems (the middle child is badly autistic, the oldest self-harmed and has a huge problem with authority that's led to her be constantly on the brink of failing school), but he's absolutely the worst.

I finally clued in to how bad it's gotten when she essentially gave up on her son. She stopped battling the father for custody and decided to just let him have the kid rather than deal with him any longer.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 21:06

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

chitoryu12 posted:

A former coworker of mine has 3 kids, though she actually only lives with 2. The youngest is almost like a serial killer in the making: molested and attacked his older siblings, tortures and kills small animals, etc. No amount of therapy or institutionalization has seemed to have any kind of effect in terms of improving him as he gets older, and his siblings are downright afraid of him. No school will take him for very long because of his violent tendencies. The whole family has their share of problems (the middle child is badly autistic, the oldest self-harmed and has a huge problem with authority that's led to her be constantly on the brink of failing school), but he's absolutely the worst.

I finally clued in to how bad it's gotten when she essentially gave up on her son. She stopped battling the father for custody and decided to just let him have the kid rather than deal with him any longer.

I consider myself a pretty good dad, and I don't think I'm doing anything to gently caress up my son's head like this (not saying she is, it could be something physical causing her son's issue), but goddamn does this poo poo scare me.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 21:10

mbt: Aug 13, 2012

how to give your kids a shot at not being super hosed up
1. dont gently caress em
2. dont beat em
3. dont get divorced

follow those 3 simple rules and your kid wont do hosed up things like torture animals or sign up for paid forums

# ? Aug 22, 2016 21:18

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

I consider myself a pretty good dad, and I don't think I'm doing anything to gently caress up my son's head like this (not saying she is, it could be something physical causing her son's issue), but goddamn does this poo poo scare me.

She's pretty much fine. However, the father was an awful abusive redneck and she ended up catching him with child pornography (though he hid it well enough that she was unable to prove it in court and have him jailed). They're currently divorced and she's been struggling to deal with her two remaining kids' issues ever since while also keeping her ex-husband from attempting to gain custody of them. Thankfully they're both almost 18 and he's almost definitely going to be jailed for violating court orders, so there's little danger of that. For a time there was concern that he may even show up at her workplace or home.

The crazy kid's been like that since he was old enough to hurt things, though. Wasn't parenting.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:07

PantsOptional: Dec 27, 2012; All I wanna do is make you bounce

There's no "almost" about it, with what you described that kid is absolutely going to be wearing someone else's face as a mask within ten to fifteen years.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:20

Dinosaurmageddon: Jul 7, 2007; by zen death robot; Hell Gem

Anonymous Confessions: There Wasn't Parenting

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:21

Groovelord Neato: Dec 6, 2014

Mycroft Holmes posted:

When I was 11 I got sent to a mental ward in California for suicide attempts and a mental breakdown. My first roommate there was a 12 yo child molester. Needless to say, I requested a room change real quick.

i watched a documentary about kids in some facility and one kid definitely touched or raped his younger brother (kid was a preteen and looked like a huge nerd) because it was apparent it had something to do with his brother but he would never say what.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:27

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Send the kid to the military imo, where he can sate his bloodlust

Maybe he'd become the number one ISIS serial killer

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:28

Dinosaurmageddon: Jul 7, 2007; by zen death robot; Hell Gem

Also, for most of your early development Mommy can't or won't explain why she's fighting tooth-and-nail to prevent you from ever seeing Daddy again. That's gonna create a LOT of issues, long-term.

Lesson Learned: TALK IT OUT folks!

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:29

lenoon: Jan 7, 2010

Mortimer posted:

how to give your kids a shot at not being super hosed up
1. dont gently caress em
2. dont beat em
3. dont get divorced

follow those 3 simple rules and your kid wont do hosed up things like torture animals or sign up for paid forums

Do 3 immediately if a parent is doing 1 or 2 though

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:35

Inzombiac: Mar 19, 2007; PARTY ALL NIGHT

EAT BRAINS ALL DAY

Not to get too personal but my parents divorced when I was young and used their children as messengers of their hate for years.
I should have sent them my therapy bills.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:43

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

Hey Candybar goon your idea is really dumb and also that's not how the law works. You don't go to the cops 20+ years after the fact and press charges. You need things like evidence and to be within the statute of limitations (which to be fair, may or may not up depending on where this happened and how long ago it was). You can't even remember how old the dudes were but you think you're gonna be able to lay out a convincing argument in court to get a conviction? If your story is true then that's pretty terrible but real life isn't an episode of Law and Order.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 22:51

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Hi guys I'm back and also married now etc

quote:

In high school I was the awkward loner kid that even other shy kids wanted nothing to do with. Needless to say, I didn't really have any friends and I wasn't exactly popular with the girls. I lived in a gated community at the time, so all the kids my age went to the same school and we all took the same bus. I wouldn't say we were all friends, but we did bond over time so they were kind of the closest things I had to friends.

There was one girl in that group that was... Well, the kind of girl that bragged about sucking dick and kissing girls inbetween conversations about cutting and emo music. She was a just a bit pudgy, and had some messed up teeth, but she had huge tits and wasn't altogether horrifying so she was fairly popular in certain circles. We barely spoke even on the bus rides to school, but at some point she found out I had the house to myself for a few hours after school before my parents got home from work.

One day she decided to follow me home without really saying anything. I was scared and confused, but also kind of thrilled at the idea of a GIRL showing interest in me so I awkwardly let her in. At first we sat around and she poked fun at me for being so awkward. I started getting more and more anxious and worried that my parents would come home any minute and I had this random girl over so I tried getting her to tell me what she wanted. She told me to sit on the floor. I did. She sat on my lap and asked me what my happiest memory was. I was kind of freaking out so I told her it was went to Disney and tried to wriggle free. She laughed, pushed me on my back, and stuck her hand down my pants.

My immediate reaction was to stop her, but I was just enough of a horny teen and she was just aggressive enough about giving me a handjob that I relented. That is, until she put her nasty mouth on my junk. At that point my awkward teen anxiety went into overdrive, and I... Removed myself from the situation(nearly losing my dick in the process). All I could think about was how much trouble I'd be in if my parents walked in as I physically pushed her out the door with my dong hangin out and her laughing her rear end off. I never told anyone what happened, it never happened again, and she stopped talking to me completely.

That's the most intimate I've ever been with a woman. I graduated over 10 years ago.

quote:

I'm sort of worried I might become a serial killer.

I have a job where I drive around the countryside inspecting some equipment stations. I currently do this with a nice, attractive older lady, and I've formerly done it with other women, too. Ever since I was a student, I've had fantasies of taking a hammer or a drill to the girls' necks and raping their bodies. As a student this was pretty out there, as we had a big group of people driving around the backwoods, but now I'm alone with my partner. I often carry a hammer and some other tools in my jacket pocket outside since we need them frequently, and I could easily just bash her with it.

It feels like the main reason that I don't do it is I'm afraid of ending up like that goony motherfucker Kevin Underwood, who strangled and decapitated a little girl, only to find that a dead child wasn't as sexy as he'd thought. Imagine ruining your life for nothing. I don't really feel very strongly about the idea of killing women, though. If I believed I could get away with it, I'd love to rape and kill, at least to try it out. I don't really hate women, either. I don't think they deserve to get raped or murdered by me. I'd just like to do it. I also masturbate to the thought of assaulting girls from about 12 upwards. I wonder if I'm a real pedophile, or just attracted to the idea like that Underwood guy.

I'm not a supergoon: I lost my virginity at 18 and I sometimes get compliments for my appearance, although mostly from older women. I still haven't had very many girlfriends, and didn't really like the ones I had. I mostly dated them for sex and because it's what you're supposed to do. I don't seem to really like many people at all. I've hosed some prostitutes, too, but didn't like it. They were unattractive and looked almost nothing like their well-posed, photoshopped adverts. It's not like I'm asexual or gay, though, I masturbate almost daily to women. It's not even all rape pornos or (anime) snuff and children, although I enjoy those. I sometimes feel like I'd like to have a nice relationship with a woman I loved, but I've never met one and I don't know if I ever will.

I wonder if people can tell that I'm a bad person. Maybe not, as my partner flirts with me and jokes about marrying a younger man and stuff. I hope so. Even so, I'm pretty callous. When I could see my first girlfriend was planning to dump me, I deliberately rammed my dick into her anus the last time we had sex. I would have loved to anally rape her to completion, but that would have been a bad idea. It's starting to turn out that one of my deadbeat sister's boyfriends has molested her daughters, and I'm mostly jealous that I never got to: I've only made them sit on my erection and masturbated with their panties and toothbrushes into their facial creams. Lucky I didn't, I guess, since I'd be getting caught right about now if I had.

I've thought about trying some lighter crimes, like date rape, but it's getting more difficult to get away with that, too. I've thought about going to therapy, but there's a snowball's chance in hell any sort of confidentiality would hold for me, especially if I went for it sometime in the future.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:07

Synthwave Crusader: Feb 13, 2011

Both of you, get some loving therapy (especially you "hammer to the neck" fantasy goon) :gonk:

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:11

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

So two things to that last one

(a) question, how does a guy masturbate using a toothbrush? do you just like brush your dick or what because that sounds unpleasant
(b) If you go to your therapist and tell them you are worried you will commit a crime you will not go to prison. They might get you committed, if they think you seriously a threat to yourself or others based on their evaluation of you, but if this is the case that's probably for the best. If you actually are afraid you will kill someone, would like that not to happen, and do not believe you can stop yourself from doing so, getting committed is a positive outcome.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:12

a whole buncha crows: May 8, 2003; WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

kill yourself omg

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:22

School Nickname: Apr 23, 2010; *fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

I consider myself a pretty good dad, and I don't think I'm doing anything to gently caress up my son's head like this (not saying she is, it could be something physical causing her son's issue), but goddamn does this poo poo scare me.

"Daddy, what do you do at your job?"

"Son, I make sure the DP videos online have a fisting tag if they DP with actual fists."

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:33

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

loquacius posted:

So two things to that last one

(a) question, how does a guy masturbate using a toothbrush? do you just like brush your dick or what because that sounds unpleasant
(b) If you go to your therapist and tell them you are worried you will commit a crime you will not go to prison. They might get you committed, if they think you seriously a threat to yourself or others based on their evaluation of you, but if this is the case that's probably for the best. If you actually are afraid you will kill someone, would like that not to happen, and do not believe you can stop yourself from doing so, getting committed is a positive outcome.

There was that long post by Fragmaster back in the day about having a deformed dick and masterbating by rubbing a toothbrush on "the spongy sensitive" part. I'd find it if I wasn't phone posting.

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:38

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

loquacius posted:

Hi guys I'm back and also married now etc

sorry for your loss

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:38

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Oh yeah! Congrats loquacius!

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:44

timp: Sep 19, 2007; Everything is in my control; Lipstick Apathy

Solice Kirsk posted:

There was that long post by Fragmaster back in the day about having a deformed dick and masterbating by rubbing a toothbrush on "the spongy sensitive" part. I'd find it if I wasn't phone posting.

I remember that article, I think it was actually Dr. David Thorpe. People believed him because it was so well written, then he was like "of loving COURSE it's not real, are you guys stupid?!"

# ? Aug 22, 2016 23:45

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I really wish I could find it. It was amazingly on topic for the thread too.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 00:00

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# ? May 10, 2024 09:08

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

School Nickname posted:

"Daddy, what do you do at your job?"

"Son, I make sure the DP videos online have a fisting tag if they DP with actual fists."

thanks for this, truly.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 00:24

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > "Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

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