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quote:Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went over to a friend's house to play boardgames. While we were there, I think we may have seen the signs of child abuse and I'm not sure what (if anything) we're supposed to do. that one was super long so I'm ok posting this one as #2 quote:I just woke up with my fingertip covered in dried poop. I don't know why.... or whose. 
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Aug 23, 2016 03:17
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| # ? May 10, 2024 07:30 |
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Child-abuse-witness goon, yes call CPS. Either you get the ball rolling here, or they'll just tell you they're already on the case. Either way it certainly couldn't hurt. I wouldn't get your hopes up about adopting the kid, though, the mom will probably just get full custody. Your testimony could help make that happen. e: oh and thanks for congrats/condolences 
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Aug 23, 2016 03:18
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That poor kid  I get all emotionally bent out of shape when I hear about this poo poo because I can't imagine anyone treating my child like this. I hope things get fixed 
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Aug 23, 2016 03:23
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An author friend of mine explained to me why oval office is so offensive. There's even a word for it - how it's used grammatically. How sometimes you refer to a human being by a body part or tool they use in service of their primary role. Like a farm hand. When you call a woman a oval office, you're saying that's all you're good for. That's why you usually hear it with the word useless or stupid. If you call someone a dick or a pussy, it's just a synonym for jerk or chicken. oval office is closer to whore, but dehumanizing. Long story short, if he was calling his wife a oval office on the phone, I might let it go, but if he called his 8 year old a oval office, that's really disgusting. Can we get more funny confessions?
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Aug 23, 2016 03:46
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The child abuse story isn't really a confession. Somebody make up more unlikely fetishes.
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Aug 23, 2016 03:49
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Warm und Fuzzy posted:Long story short, if he was calling his wife a oval office on the phone, I might let it go, but if he called his 8 year old a oval office, that's really disgusting. I dunno if you noticed but he also hit her because he was mad at someone else, implied that cleaning the entire house was her job, and said something that could mean very few things other than that he was going to beat her later
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Aug 23, 2016 03:57
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Warm und Fuzzy posted:An author friend of mine explained to me why oval office is so offensive. There's even a word for it - how it's used grammatically. How sometimes you refer to a human being by a body part or tool they use in service of their primary role. Like a farm hand. When you call a woman a oval office, you're saying that's all you're good for. That's why you usually hear it with the word useless or stupid. If you call someone a dick or a pussy, it's just a synonym for jerk or chicken. oval office is closer to whore, but dehumanizing. There is an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where someone (Carl maybe?) calls Shake "cup" in a really dismissive way and for a moment my brain was like "wait can they do that on TV" before I realized I am an idiot and laughed. That is my confession I guess.
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Aug 23, 2016 04:03
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Warm und Fuzzy posted:The child abuse story isn't really a confession. Somebody make up more unlikely fetishes. My confession is that I'm really boring and don't have any fetishes. I like a pretty, enthusiastic and consenting woman. Also thigh-highs but everyone likes those.
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Aug 23, 2016 04:04
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loquacius posted:Hi guys I'm back and also married now etc Where did you get married? [/quote]
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Aug 23, 2016 04:56
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man that sucks for that kid. you have a way with words. definitely call CPS
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Aug 23, 2016 05:34
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quote:I was up for a pretty big promotion at work. A new job title, new responsibilities, and an almost 40% pay raise. I sacrificed a lot to reach that point - asking for extra work, volunteering for big projects to get my name out there, and never taking a single sick day for my entire career at this company. quote:I fly a UFO for the United States Government.
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Aug 23, 2016 06:36
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quote:So, for whatever reason, once in a while I'll think about some dumb movie I've never even seen; I've only seen the poster. quote:I can only masturbate to completion when watching women newscasters do their job. I know the names and bios of every on-air female news anchor on all three cable news networks and all of my local news broadcasts, and I jerk off at least once per day to the news and/or one of several youtube channels that cater to people like me.
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Aug 23, 2016 06:37
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Anonymous Goon posted:I can only masturbate to completion when watching women newscasters do their job. I know the names and bios of every on-air female news anchor on all three cable news networks and all of my local news broadcasts, and I jerk off at least once per day to the news and/or one of several youtube channels that cater to people like me. I don't jerk off to the news, but I can totally relate to the attraction to newswomen. Those women are on TV because they're hot, not due to some cosmic coincidence. I'm extremely left wing, but Fox News is eye candy central for me.
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Aug 23, 2016 06:59
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No promotion goon: yes you're allowed to be pissed off. You're working hard and feeling underappreciated and underpaid, and there's a snivelling turd above you. Start looking for something else.
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Aug 23, 2016 07:14
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quote:That's the most intimate I've ever been with a woman. I graduated over 10 years ago. Yeah, that's the good stuff.
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Aug 23, 2016 07:30
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Warm und Fuzzy posted:An author friend of mine explained to me why oval office is so offensive. There's even a word for it - how it's used grammatically. How sometimes you refer to a human being by a body part or tool they use in service of their primary role. Like a farm hand. When you call a woman a oval office, you're saying that's all you're good for. That's why you usually hear it with the word useless or stupid. If you call someone a dick or a pussy, it's just a synonym for jerk or chicken. oval office is closer to whore, but dehumanizing. Unless you're british or australian where it's a term of endearment, no doubt for much the same reason
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Aug 23, 2016 10:06
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can i get an explanation why suck my drat balls you fuckman is so offensive preferably from an author
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Aug 23, 2016 10:08
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well thanks to this thread I now know my problems are but naught compared the mighty fuckups of goonery
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Aug 23, 2016 10:13
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Warm und Fuzzy posted:An author friend of mine explained to me why oval office is so offensive. There's even a word for it - how it's used grammatically. How sometimes you refer to a human being by a body part or tool they use in service of their primary role. Like a farm hand. When you call a woman a oval office, you're saying that's all you're good for. That's why you usually hear it with the word useless or stupid. If you call someone a dick or a pussy, it's just a synonym for jerk or chicken. oval office is closer to whore, but dehumanizing. it's called synecdoche, but I don't buy that analysis. oval office and dick are the same class of comparison. The difference is just that one is culturally considered to be a stronger word, like how starving is stronger than thirsty.
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Aug 23, 2016 10:37
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E1M1 posted:If something gross and weird happened to me when I was 6, I'm sure I'd want someone to track me down 30 years after the fact and tell me how brave and powerful I am for coping with it for my entire life How the gently caress would you know that? No dude. You get a dick shoved in your mouth by a post pubescent teenager when you're 6, you probably wouldn't want to talk to a stranger about it. Especially if they witnessed it and just sat there and watched.
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Aug 23, 2016 11:04
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H.H posted:I fly a UFO for the United States Government. No you don't. Even the most highly paid government employees (at least, in science and non-political jobs) that work on top secret stuff dont make a whole lot more than 100-150k. Presumably if your job existed it would have bonuses that the public wouldn't have knowledge of, but three quarters of a million? From the government? Not buying it. That's even before you get into the silly poo poo like having to spend all the money and having to kill yourself after. Nobody would accept that. Life isn't some weird mashup of Brewster's Millions and Men in Black. Also you wouldn't call it a "UFO" if you know what it is.
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Aug 23, 2016 11:36
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quote:Fellow goons I have a terrible secret. I gently caress a lot of ugly chicks. Now I imagine some of you don't think much of this confession at this point, but here's the thing, I do it by choice. In real life I probably am the last person you'd imagine as a goon, I'm fit, healthy, good looking, have an excellent non ugly chick dating and sex life. And until a few years ago I would never even bother with anyone less than an 8, and I still managed to have a very decent and fulfilling sex life. Then one night I was taking the train home from a party and I noticed this sad Indian chick sitting across from me, she had pretty bad acne, hairy arms, barely any tits, and I just said gently caress it. I wasn't drunk, I consciously made the decision to start talking to her with every intention of trying to get her into bed. It worked, the sex that would've normally just been an average gently caress turned out to be kinky as gently caress, merely because of the fact that she was ugly. Since then I try to gently caress an uggo for every two or three hot chicks I gently caress, I feel it's my way of giving back to the community. I even got a spare phone just for them in case they get weird or stalkerish after(it's only happened once) . quote:Well my confession isnt about murderous thoughts or anything, so sorry about that. I guess I just have a thing for girls pooping in their panties. I never seen it happen or anything, but I always wanted to. I'm married, with a couple of kids, and we live in a big city in the flyover states, and the wife and I have a good sex life. We fool around 3 or 4 times a week and we have fun together. The kids seem happy and she seems happy. There's other wierd stuff I like too, I like watching her pee and I told her about that. She accepts it and doesn't even mind doing it sometimes because she knows it turns me on. I never told her about the other stuff though, she would probably not appreciate it. I think that if I somehow found someone that would poop her pants for me I might actually cheat. IDK because that;s not something that you ask the barista.
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Aug 23, 2016 11:55
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I think the ugly fucker and the pants making GBS threads fetishist can help each other out.
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Aug 23, 2016 11:58
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God Of Paradise posted:How the gently caress would you know that? 'twas sarcastic
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Aug 23, 2016 12:20
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Fat chicks give good head in my experience
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Aug 23, 2016 12:41
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Red Suit posted:Fat chicks give good head in my experience quote:I have a couple of rules, like no fats, crackheads or women with obvious body odour they are ineligible for prescription penis St Dick has a no fatties sticker on his subaru WRX
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Aug 23, 2016 12:47
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lenoon posted:Unless you're british or australian where it's a term of endearment, no doubt for much the same reason Australia: Where your mates are cunts and your cunts are mates.
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Aug 23, 2016 13:10
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Red Suit posted:Fat chicks give good head in my experience When I was probably seven or eight years old, I was over at a friends house playing in the back yard while his dad sat on the porch getting drunk. At some point he called us over for some "man talk." The only real advice I recall is when he leaned over, shoved his cigarette and beer smelling face into mine and said, really comrade-like, "Let me tell you kid... fat girls got tight pussies. Heh heh heh heh." I eventually stopped being friends with that kid because he told me that there was no Santa Clause.
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Aug 23, 2016 13:12
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Murphy Brownback posted:No you don't. Even the most highly paid government employees (at least, in science and non-political jobs) that work on top secret stuff dont make a whole lot more than 100-150k. Presumably if your job existed it would have bonuses that the public wouldn't have knowledge of, but three quarters of a million? From the government? Not buying it.  keep this up and nobody else will send in fake ufo/alien confessions
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Aug 23, 2016 13:36
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"The government would never pay a salaried employee this much" is an even better and more convincing comeback to this kind of thing than "the government does not take policy hints from Watchmen plot points" IMO
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Aug 23, 2016 13:38
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H.H posted:Well my confession isnt about murderous thoughts or anything, so sorry about that. I guess I just have a thing for girls pooping in their panties. I never seen it happen or anything, but I always wanted to. I'm married, with a couple of kids, and we live in a big city in the flyover states, and the wife and I have a good sex life. We fool around 3 or 4 times a week and we have fun together. The kids seem happy and she seems happy. There's other wierd stuff I like too, I like watching her pee and I told her about that. She accepts it and doesn't even mind doing it sometimes because she knows it turns me on. I never told her about the other stuff though, she would probably not appreciate it. I think that if I somehow found someone that would poop her pants for me I might actually cheat. IDK because that;s not something that you ask the barista. Wasn't there a confession a few threads back about someone who used to sex up the old ladies in the nursing home? You could be like that guy, unless you specifically want panties and not adult diapers to be full of poo poo.
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Aug 23, 2016 14:27
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loquacius posted:"The government would never pay a salaried employee this much" is an even better and more convincing comeback to this kind of thing than "the government does not take policy hints from Watchmen plot points" IMO Someone in a previous thread used a nearly identical salary for their fake social media job and was criticized for the same reason.
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Aug 23, 2016 14:48
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Murphy Brownback posted:No you don't. Even the most highly paid government employees (at least, in science and non-political jobs) that work on top secret stuff dont make a whole lot more than 100-150k. Presumably if your job existed it would have bonuses that the public wouldn't have knowledge of, but three quarters of a million? From the government? Not buying it.
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Aug 23, 2016 16:32
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I'm guessing the ugly fucker confession is by someone who themselves is ugly and wishes there was some attractive person who would come and do the same thing to them.
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Aug 23, 2016 19:32
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the ugly fucker guy doesnt check out----ur a retard if u buy a second phone instead of the milloins of apps u can get for multiple numbers
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Aug 23, 2016 19:35
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gently caress da Mods posted:the ugly fucker guy doesnt check out----ur a retard if u buy a second phone instead of the milloins of apps u can get for multiple numbers He also deliberately fucks ugly women when he supposedly doesn't have to, I can say it's safe to assume he's retarded.
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Aug 24, 2016 00:52
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quote:Hey everyone, triple-digit slut goon from the previous thread here. I just wanted to say that, while it took some hard poo poo in the last year to happen, I finally got my poo poo together. That's it, just wanted to give you all that update. Glad to hear it, person I don't remember  quote:About a year ago I found an article about Anita Sarkeesian that was published at the beginning of the year, and had embedded facebook comments. Most of the comments were around the same age as the article, and they generally came from guys talking about what a bitch she was and how they'd love it if someone killed her/raped her/and so on. Out of the dozens of guys posting these comments, five of them listed themselves as being in a relationship and had links to their girlfriends' profiles. I took screenshots of them saying I Hope This Slut Gets Raped poo poo and used a burner fb account to send them to the GFs along with links to the comments themselves. I even used that web page archiver thing that gamergate weirdos are obsessed with. I only got one response and it just said "what the gently caress is this" but when I checked back a month later the guys' comments were gone and their relationship statuses were all blank yes, "gamergate weirdos", those other people who are not you has it been established by now that antigamergating and gamergating are the same thing because I can't see a difference
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Aug 24, 2016 01:05
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loquacius posted:
Really, WarGames had it right; the only winning move is not to play.
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Aug 24, 2016 01:16
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Things got a little dark there for a while but confessions are getting funny again. Anyone want to confess to getting abducted by a UFO?
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Aug 24, 2016 01:32
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| # ? May 10, 2024 07:30 |
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loquacius posted:
i don't know poo poo about gamergate or care but this is pretty cool lol
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Aug 24, 2016 01:43
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