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VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

bigfatdynamo posted:

I've had the Super Why theme song stuck in my head all day, this is a new level of purgatory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBGvOIBE7as
You're welcome! :pwn:

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Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I had a horrible headache yesterday. Most likely stress induced dealing with selling our house and getting ready to go back to work on Monday (I teach college) and my check engine light came on again. Jasper's whine pitch was the perfect frequency to aggravate it more so of course he whined all afternoon and evening.

Tom Swift Jr.
Nov 4, 2008

"I don't understand whiny voices. Please use a normal voice. so I can help you" Repeat this ad nauseum until it works. Ignore any whines and only respond to nice voices. Eventually they get the picture that the whining tactic won't work. It may take a while, but it is usually effective.

Fionnoula
May 27, 2010

Ow, quit.

hookerbot 5000 posted:

My 5 year old has started wetting the bed pretty much every night. He's been dry for years and would have the occasional accident (maybe once a month) which was fine and we'd tell him that was fine and accidents happen but my god it is hard to keep that up when you're on your twentieth bed change in 3 weeks. I know there's absolutely no point being upset with him or telling him off but stripping beds and scrubbing mattresses in the middle of the night, or having a wriggly little monkey in bed is not conducive to a good nights sleep.

I don't know what's caused the change. It's the holidays so I am confident there hasn't been any traumatic event, but then maybe it might just be the change in routine. We're limiting drinks and making sure he goes to the toilet before he goes to sleep. We could start lifting him again but that doesn't feel very helpful in the long run.

I might be late on this one, but has he seen a doctor for possible constipation? A couple of months ago, my kid started having accidents out of the blue after years of doing great. For lack of any other ideas, I took him to the doctor to look at maybe a UTI. The doc immediately went "He's constipated". I told the doc it simply wasn't possible because he was totally pooing normally. Sent us for an xray and sure enough: he was totally full of poo poo. He was pooing, but he was never actually emptying his bowels and the pressure of the poo was preventing him from actually emptying his bladder effectively as well, so he was having accidents because his bladder was always full and couldn't empty. A couple of days of Miralax for a good cleanout and he was right as rain, no more accidents.

iwik
Oct 12, 2007
I started whining back at S, it seemed to work to stop him doing it so often. He didn't like it much, hah.


VorpalBunny - how did you go with the long flights and your trip?

rgocs
Nov 9, 2011

Tom Swift Jr. posted:

"I don't understand whiny voices. Please use a normal voice. so I can help you" Repeat this ad nauseum until it works. Ignore any whines and only respond to nice voices. Eventually they get the picture that the whining tactic won't work. It may take a while, but it is usually effective.

Sometimes a long while! Joking aside, we've been doing this and it does work. He still often defaults to it, but more and more often he'll stop himself and repeat with a normal voice. We did finally get rid of the instant crying reaction though, which was driving us mad.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

rgocs posted:

Sometimes a long while! Joking aside, we've been doing this and it does work. He still often defaults to it, but more and more often he'll stop himself and repeat with a normal voice. We did finally get rid of the instant crying reaction though, which was driving us mad.

My middle child started doing a really annoying whine/fake-cry combination. Turns out she picked it up from the little brother George on Peppa Pig. I loving hate Nick Jr. Don't even get me started on the Bubble Guppies.

iwik posted:

VorpalBunny - how did you go with the long flights and your trip?

First flight out- short hop from San Francisco to LA - we were delayed on both departure and arrival tarmacs, which led my oldest potty-trained kids to piss themselves. When you are idling on an active runway, you can't get up to use the bathrooms, and we honestly thought the kids could hold it. Whoops.

Second flight out, LA-Sydney - we were in a rush from being delayed by the first flight and having to change clothes, but we made the flight just fine even though Delta was trying to redirect us to the wrong flight. We finally got someone who pointed us to a gate right down the terminal from us. We boarded great, the kids slept fine and were generally entertained by the in-flight system and the tablets we bought. FYI - the cheap Leapfrog headphones on Amazon really suck for tablets. And one broke on the flight, the connector just snapped right off. But overall, we were really patting ourselves on the back with our kids' good behavior. I watched the Big Lebowski 3 times and 16 candles once.

Third flight out, Sydney to Brisbane - it turns out all our delays back in the US caused our checked luggage to miss the connecting flight. So we were in a foreign country with only one bag (the bag of kids clothes) and our carry-ons of which the clean clothes had already been used with the whole first pissing incident. My husband and I were stuck in our stinky flight clothes, but we were assured our luggage would make it to us. I gave them the name of our hotel...which turned out to be the incorrect name. In my post-flight haze I was SO SURE I had the name right, so I spent the next 36 hours harassing various luggage companies and help desks to make sure we could intercept our bags before they headed on a delivery van to nowhere. Long story short, we got the bags late the next day.
Also, while dealing with immigration and the lost luggage, we missed our connecting flight. Plus, the international terminal in Sydney is A BUS RIDE away from the domestic terminal, and we had to deal with the same city traffic as anyone else. What a terrible system! The airline got us on the next flight to Brisbane, and thankfully Hire for Baby is amazing and had already installed all the carseats in our rental car by the time we arrived.

Roadtrip was great, everyone took to sleeping together in the same campervan very well, and those campground places all shut down around 8pm anyway so we ended up getting a ton of sleep with the kids. We weren't prepared for mosquitoes, so we were eaten alive, but everything else was amazing. Even spotting wild kangaroos from the car, the kids really got into it.

Return flight 1, Brisbane to Sydney - departed at 6am but we were up at 3am just fine and everything went well.

Return flight 2, longhaul back to LA - my youngest son stayed awake (age 2) for 10 of the 14 hours of the flight. I tried handling him myself, but mama is not as fun as daddy so I got my husband to switch seats with me. He dealt with the youngest two, while I enjoyed by oldest who spent an equal 10 of the 14 hour flight on his tablet playing matching fruit games and poo poo. It was kind of impressive, he doesn't get tablet time much so I think he was on a marathon to see how long he would last. I watched the Big Lebowski twice and 16 candles once.

Return flight 3, short flight between LA & SFO - Delta oversold the flight, as usual, so I sold my husband and oldest son's seats for $300/each and as reward for handling the toddlers during the previous flight I let them just go home (we live in LA). Shower in his own shower, sleep in his own bed, and I take the toddlers off his hands for 36 hours - it seemed like a fair trade. Toddlers were great on the return flight, my youngest had enough energy to flirt with the toddler seated next to him before passing out from exhaustion. A good nights sleep in our hotel, then a long drive back home to LA (the Delta deal was for this specific combination of flights, we had to include the SFO legs or the trip would have cost double - who knows?!).

All in all, a surprisingly great trip. I was prepared for my marriage to be really strained and us hating the kids and everything by the time we got back, but it didn't turn out that way. Every Aussie I ran into on the trip was very friendly and helpful, many were doing similar big trips with their small kids, and I learned not only are Americans looked at with pity when people discover we only get 2 weeks vacation on average but people in other countries do a TON more traveling than we do as Americans. Like, round the world trips in their 20s to places like East Africa kinds of adventures. I got so much crap from people here in America when we told them about our Australia trip, but all I can say was it worked for us.

Rurutia
Jun 11, 2009
Is it normal for a newborn (~2 weeks) to just basically sleep and eat with no playtime? All the <1 month schedules I'm looking at include a substantial amount of 'playtime'. Am I stunting my child's development? :ohdear:

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

Could be normal. Are they awake at all for any stretches?

Edit: oh, 2 weeks. (Sorry my brain read 7 weeks the first time around) Totally normal.

KingColliwog
May 15, 2003

Let's go droogs

Rurutia posted:

Is it normal for a newborn (~2 weeks) to just basically sleep and eat with no playtime? All the <1 month schedules I'm looking at include a substantial amount of 'playtime'. Am I stunting my child's development? :ohdear:

normal. That's all they do, "play" is mostly trying to look at you through a super blurry vision at that age. Nursing, being rocked, hugged, singing at is basically the only play they need.

kaschei
Oct 25, 2005

Anyone have a book recommendation for the 12-24 month age?

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

kaschei posted:

Anyone have a book recommendation for the 12-24 month age?

Your One Year Old

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

Rurutia posted:

Is it normal for a newborn (~2 weeks) to just basically sleep and eat with no playtime? All the <1 month schedules I'm looking at include a substantial amount of 'playtime'. Am I stunting my child's development? :ohdear:

For the first three months, we considered "playtime" to be putting them in an area where activity is going on. They are lumps for these first few months, just acknowledge their presence and talk to them when they are awake and they'll be fine.

And for books, we have a great collection of old school Sesame Street books from the 70s I rescued from a thrift shop. We used to read one every night, but now my kids are older and more opinionated. Also, every time I go to Target I swing by the $1 area and grab a handful of board books for our collection, and those informational books on crocodiles and stuff.

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe

Rurutia posted:

Is it normal for a newborn (~2 weeks) to just basically sleep and eat with no playtime? All the <1 month schedules I'm looking at include a substantial amount of 'playtime'. Am I stunting my child's development? :ohdear:

Yes. At 2 weeks they're barely even aware of what's going on, they're just trying to figure out what this weird new world they've suddenly appeared in is.

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
Swimming is going well. He loves jumping in the water so it goes over his head and has to hold his breath over and over again, he can kick and move his arms pretty well (but only when he thinks someone is chasing him hahah), and he can even float a bit until he gets bored which is... pretty quick.

I dont know if he will be able to swim on his own by end of summer, probably not, but I am happy with his progress so far and he definitely loves being in the water so I am sure he will get it right away next year

ARCDad
Jul 22, 2007
Not to be confused with poptartin
What do people do with stuffed animals their kid never plays with anymore? I got laid off so I'm trying to clear out a bunch of space in my apartment in between job hunting but I know that certain places won't take used stuffed animals no matter what.

Mocking Bird
Aug 17, 2011
I listed mine on Craigslist for free and someone came and picked up the box from my porch within a few hours.

Super Slash
Feb 20, 2006

You rang ?

Rurutia posted:

Is it normal for a newborn (~2 weeks) to just basically sleep and eat with no playtime? All the <1 month schedules I'm looking at include a substantial amount of 'playtime'. Am I stunting my child's development? :ohdear:

Absolutely, they generally start off rather boring with a cycle of Eat > Sleep > Poop > Repeat for awhile. Our son is now 9 months old and we sometimes feel bad for leaving him alone but we figured out he does enjoy self play sometimes, I was clued into this one evening when I peeped into his room and he was shuffling and rolling around all over his cot having a great time... at the time he never did anything like that in our presence!

Also I wish I thought about this ages ago, but sticking a powered scent plug thingy/Ambi Pur in the nursery was a minor stroke of genius. Even though we use a Tommee Tippee Sangenic nappy bin to keep to keep smells at bay, the room can still get pretty pongy and need airing out every now and then.

Super Slash fucked around with this message at 17:38 on Aug 14, 2016

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009

whalesteak posted:

We're going through the same thing right now. We keep an inflated air mattress (already made up) under his bed on a little roll out trundle. It was initially for sleepovers, but it's nice to be able to throw everything in the washer and not worry about remaking the bed in the middle of the night. He just moves to the bed he wasn't sleeping in (he prefers his "camp-out bed" to his actual bed most nights). I also make a point of keeping a waterproof cover under the mattress pad on all of our beds to protect from bed wetting, diaper blowouts, dog slobber etc.

Our doc suggested he might be over tired and not waking to pee, so we moved bedtime up by half an hour and put dimmers on all the lights and lamps in the house to better enforce a low light period after dinner, so he's not so wound up around bed time. We've had mixed results, and it's been hard to be consistent about it since most days I don't get home from the office until 7-ish and we lose out on a lot of play time together, but from what we've been told it's a luck-of-the draw issue and we shouldn't worry about stuff like bedwetting alarms until he's older.

Yeah I was wondering if it is to do with over tiredness and his schedule being all out of whack with the holidays. The schools go back on Wednesday so hopefully we'll all be in a good routine in a few weeks. I think though maybe it was always more likely to be an issue as I remember wetting the bed as a kid (or I remember an alarm going off and my mum and dad coming in and changing the bed) so I must have been relatively old and my husband wet the bed until quite a late age. I think the fact that he was fine for so long just threw me.

Fionnoula posted:

I might be late on this one, but has he seen a doctor for possible constipation? A couple of months ago, my kid started having accidents out of the blue after years of doing great. For lack of any other ideas, I took him to the doctor to look at maybe a UTI. The doc immediately went "He's constipated". I told the doc it simply wasn't possible because he was totally pooing normally. Sent us for an xray and sure enough: he was totally full of poo poo. He was pooing, but he was never actually emptying his bowels and the pressure of the poo was preventing him from actually emptying his bladder effectively as well, so he was having accidents because his bladder was always full and couldn't empty. A couple of days of Miralax for a good cleanout and he was right as rain, no more accidents.

I'll keep an eye on it, but we're in the UK and I think there would have to be more signs of an issue before they would send him for an X Ray :(

He's not wet the bed for three nights though so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Tom Swift Jr.
Nov 4, 2008

How does everyone handle differences in discipline techniques between yourselves and your kids' grandparents? I'm a strong proponent of positive guidance and natural/logical consequences. I do not use time out and have never used it while teaching any age (I've worked with infants, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary and middle schoolers). NAEYC accredited childcare centers cannot use time outs. Everything I have learned through school (I have a degree in Developmental Psychology) and work experience has taught me that it is unnecessary and can be counter-productive in the long-term. Can you tell I have strong feelings about this?

Our son has a monthly overnight with his grandparents and it was mentioned that he was given a time-out (for throwing food, I believe). This is the second time he has gotten a time out at his grandparents' (my in-laws) and it really made me uncomfortable. It gave me a knot in my stomach. I didn't say anything about it, but it definitely bothered me. If it were my mom, I would just say something because I know it wouldn't hurt her feelings, but I have a feeling it would hurt my MIL's feelings if I say something. Would you say something? I know it doesn't cause any physical harm and isn't likely to scar him for life or anything, but it goes against everything I believe in. I don't want it to become a big thing, but it does make me uncomfortable...thoughts?

I should mention that our kid is actually incredibly well-behaved (unless he's overtired) and we definitely set expectations, have boundaries, and follow-through. We just don't use punishment or time-out as one of our tools. In a food throwing incident, he would have been expected to clean it up and would have been given a second chance and if it continued would lose his food (natural, logical consequence).

rgocs
Nov 9, 2011
Would it hurt your MIL's feelings because she's sensitive or because she's your MIL? If the latter, how does your partner feel about it? Maybe they can tell their mom so there are no hard feelings?

It may be the coward's way out, but especially for things that are not worth the hassle it has worked for me and my wife. I tell my mom, she tells her mom.

Public Serpent
Oct 13, 2012
Buglord
How does your wife feel about it? Having her talk to them might be a good idea as long as she agrees with you. If she thinks it's no big deal, it's probably better to do it yourself. You'll do a better job of both arguing for and compromising with your own boundaries.

Rather than calling them out on outdated and ineffective techniques, you could frame it as wanting consistency. "we've been working with logical consequences so if he does A, B happens. Could you help us out with this?". Just try to make them feel like you respect their abilities and trust them to take care of your son. (Or you wouldn't leave him there in the first place!)

Seems to me like their punishment (removing him from the food) isn't worlds apart from your logical consequence (removing the food from him).

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
On the other hand, consider that it might be a good thing - kids are pefectly of context switching and practicing those environmental expectations and consequences could conceivably be beneficial, right? Especially if they arent their regularly.

Otherwise yeah get your wife to talk with her

KingColliwog
May 15, 2003

Let's go droogs

Public Serpent posted:

How does your wife feel about it? Having her talk to them might be a good idea as long as she agrees with you. If she thinks it's no big deal, it's probably better to do it yourself. You'll do a better job of both arguing for and compromising with your own boundaries.

If it was me and it was really important to me I'd do that. I prefer to let my girlfriend deal with the sensible issues we face with her parents and I deal with the sensible issues we face with my parents. It's usually easier to do it this way.

GlyphGryph posted:

On the other hand, consider that it might be a good thing - kids are pefectly of context switching and practicing those environmental expectations and consequences could conceivably be beneficial, right? Especially if they arent their regularly.

Also I mostly think this. As long as it's nothing that I feel is going to have a bad impact on my son or is dangerous I don't really mind which way other people do stuff since he's with us most of the time.

---

Also, my kid is still young and logical consequences is the general idea of how I want to handle things. In your previous example, if he throws food and then throws a tantrum when you make him clean it up or when you remove the food from him, what is the logical consequence you guys use then?

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe

KingColliwog posted:

Also, my kid is still young and logical consequences is the general idea of how I want to handle things. In your previous example, if he throws food and then throws a tantrum when you make him clean it up or when you remove the food from him, what is the logical consequence you guys use then?

Yeah, this would probably intensify the tantrum with my son - where do you go after that if timeout isn't an option?

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

Bardeh posted:

Yeah, this would probably intensify the tantrum with my son - where do you go after that if timeout isn't an option?

We use a lot of positive discipline in our house too. If it's a tantrum in a private place, we just let it run its course. I'll sit with our two year old and try to give him words for what he's feeling. Our house is set up with plenty of spaces where he can't really hurt himself and usually he's ready for a snuggle after a few minutes of wailing. If it's in a public place, we step outside and do the same. Our family rule is that we always go back inside after, though, so that tantrums don't equate getting to leave. I think you have to reframe how you perceive tantrums. They're not inherently "bad" -- just the only way the toddler knows how to communicate in that situation. It's your job to provide tools on better ways to communicate and you may have to do it a million times before it sinks in.

kells
Mar 19, 2009
Yeah tantrums don't bother me any more. I sit down and empathise and wait it out, she's usually ready for a cuddle after a minute or so. She's only just 2 but already tells me about her feelings - "Jaina frustrated. Want to walk but mummy pick you up!" or "Want a chocolate. Mummy say no. Jaina feel sad." I've definitely had to carry her kicking and screaming out of public places though!

For us consequences are mainly just making sure she can't do whatever she was doing any more - throwing food means you're telling me you're all done eating, pouring water out of the bathtub means you're telling me you're done in the bath, throwing toys means you're telling me you can't play safely with this right now so I'll put it away etc etc

Tom Swift Jr.
Nov 4, 2008

Thanks for all of the replies. I think that you guys are right that it might be good for him to see that different people do things differently. I think the last 2 replies summed up tantrums really well. He's only 2, so I don't expect that he will be able to cope with not getting what he wants or that he will always be able/willing to fix things. You have to keep their developmental stage in mind. If he's not helping clean up, I usually do it while encouraging him to participate and use "we" language so that he's learning that he is a part of it too even if he isn't actively doing it. Same with fixing someone if he hurts them (getting them ice, giving hugs, asking are you ok?). He doesn't always cooperate, but the goal is to teach him to willingly cooperate because it is the right thing to do. When these things first came up, he didn't cooperate as much but as time goes by he does so more and more. Now, I would say he cooperates most of the time. As for tantrums, I let him have them. I name his feelings, encourage him to calm down or go to a comfy place (like his reading tent) to calm down. I tell him we can talk when he's calm. When he's calm we go back to the clean up or whatever. At this age they really don't know how to handle their emotions and that's what results in tantrums. When he has a tantrum, they often are over quickly because we don't make a big deal of them.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

When we use time outs with out 3 year old its mostly so he will calm the gently caress down. We don't preface it as the timeout as a punishment its trying to frame it more as a strategy to deal with what you should do if you are angry or worked up and need to calm down. My husband has had anger issues he's had to deal with his whole life (and his dad has bad anger issues) so we're hoping this will help him handle situations better when he's older. Usually he has to go to his room with his blanket and the lights off and when he's calmed down he can come back out. 9 times out of 10 it just takes a few minutes and he comes and tells us he's calmed down and he feels better. Sometimes if its a bad tantrum one of us will have to sit with him and rock him or comfort him a bit, but it seems to be working so far?

bee
Dec 17, 2008


Do you often sing or whistle just for fun?

Alterian posted:

When we use time outs with out 3 year old its mostly so he will calm the gently caress down. We don't preface it as the timeout as a punishment its trying to frame it more as a strategy to deal with what you should do if you are angry or worked up and need to calm down. My husband has had anger issues he's had to deal with his whole life (and his dad has bad anger issues) so we're hoping this will help him handle situations better when he's older. Usually he has to go to his room with his blanket and the lights off and when he's calmed down he can come back out. 9 times out of 10 it just takes a few minutes and he comes and tells us he's calmed down and he feels better. Sometimes if its a bad tantrum one of us will have to sit with him and rock him or comfort him a bit, but it seems to be working so far?

We are doing something similar with our almost 3 year old. We have a little chill out zone set up in an area off the lounge room, and it's got a little bean bag and some books and a ball that has water and glitter inside. If wee bee works herself up into a state, one or both of us will go to chill zone with her and sit, and count through some deep breaths with her. Usually by the time she's up to 8 the tears have stopped and she's then willing to move into another "calm" activity like reading a book or shaking the glitter ball.

I'm not sure whether the breathing exercise will work in a public space, thankfully kiddo has yet to really throw a wobbly while we're out and about. :shobon:

screech on the beach
Mar 9, 2004
Could anyone with RTI experience in schools send me a pm or something. I don't really have anyone I can talk to impartially. My kid is having some pretty bad times adjusting to kindergarten. Namaste

Oodles
Oct 31, 2005

How do I deal with a really obstinate 4 year old.

"What did you do at nursery", "Nothing"
"Who did you play with", "Nobody"
"What do you want to do today", "Nothing"

I tried to explain it to her. But no luck, I even tried to make it into her bed time story. "Once upon a time there was a girl and she went to school. The end". Then explained that I couldn't make the story longer because she didn't tell me what she did.

She gibbers on all of the time, but if you try to ask her a question no dice.

kells
Mar 19, 2009
My 2yo does that too though although her go-to response is "not anything" or "had NO fun". If I ask her follow up questions ("Did you play outside? Have a nap? Do some drawing?") she often just says no to everything so I usually just try to downplay it, I'll just say something like "oh goodness, sounds like you just sat quietly all day!" and just drop it and move on.

Does it really matter? You can't exactly force her to answer your questions in more detail. What about it bothers you - is it the withholding of information, do you feel it's rude to give those answers, is it important to you to have a conversation with her about what she did at nursery that day?

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009
Today my newly minted three year old screamed: "YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE, MOMMY!" at me while crouched in a shrubbery with her pants around her ankles, because I came to look for her and accidentally interrupted her mid-poop.

This might be the weirdest moment of my parenting career so far. And she got so mad when I couldn't stop laughing, poor thing.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011
We usually have more luck asking for my four year old's favorite part of the day and least favorite part of the day.

Oodles
Oct 31, 2005

kells posted:

Does it really matter? You can't exactly force her to answer your questions in more detail. What about it bothers you - is it the withholding of information, do you feel it's rude to give those answers, is it important to you to have a conversation with her about what she did at nursery that day?

It bothers me because I'm getting flippant answers out of a child. If she's like this at 4, she is going to a gigantic pain in the arse when she's 14. I'd like to have a conversation over dinner as that's the only real time you can have to chat. I'm firmly against TV at dinner, as when she gets older she'll want to hide in her room or play games after tea and I'll not get to speak to her.

It also bothers me because it's an attitude. She always wants the last word in a conversation or argument. "Stop that, or I'll take away your toy", "well I'll just get it back" as infinitum. Maybe it's me because I'm always telling her off. I probably need to stop that.

kells
Mar 19, 2009

Oodles posted:

It bothers me because I'm getting flippant answers out of a child. If she's like this at 4, she is going to a gigantic pain in the arse when she's 14.

Hmm, you haven't met many 4 year olds have you?

Hint: they're all like that ;)

Perhaps over dinner isn't the best time for the conversation you want? In our house we have a lot of success with "talking about your day" right before bed - I'll recount the events of the day and encourage my toddler to contribute. Plus then I can finish with "and then it was time to go to sleep".

rgocs
Nov 9, 2011
Our 4 y/o son is the same. "Nothing" and "I don't remember" are his answers for what he did today. However, if I ask with a hint of an answer: "hey, so you played football today, eh? How was that?". It's easier to get him to chat. My wife now gives me the day's talking points while I cook dinner.

We also made a point of mom asking dad and vice versa about our days. That's prompted him to ask us about it, though he often still replies with "Nothing". If I call him out, "oh, I thought you played football?" He'll go "oh, yeah! I forgot about that!" And then he'll chat about it.

I totally get it, the feelings about the attitude. When he was 2, this is what our conversation would be like on the way home from daycare.

Me: "Did you do anything fun today?"
My 2 y/o ":sigh: I don't want to speak now. Maybe at home." :stares out the window:

Ashcans
Jan 2, 2006

Let's do the space-time warp again!

Oodles posted:

It bothers me because I'm getting flippant answers out of a child. If she's like this at 4, she is going to a gigantic pain in the arse when she's 14. I'd like to have a conversation over dinner as that's the only real time you can have to chat. I'm firmly against TV at dinner, as when she gets older she'll want to hide in her room or play games after tea and I'll not get to speak to her.

It also bothers me because it's an attitude. She always wants the last word in a conversation or argument. "Stop that, or I'll take away your toy", "well I'll just get it back" as infinitum. Maybe it's me because I'm always telling her off. I probably need to stop that.

I am going to recommend How to Listen So Kids Will Talk. It's not perfect (and some of it just doesn't apply to a four year old) but I read it and it provided a lot for me to think about in how to talk to my kids. There are lots of reasons that a kid might not want to talk about their day, especially answering direct questions about it.

I appreciate wanting to have a conversation with your kids. Basically the main time I spend with my kids is at breakfast and corralling them from dinner to bed. It can be hard if it feels like you are getting stonewalled for that time you do get.

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Tom Swift Jr.
Nov 4, 2008

I'm seconding the book recommendation. How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will talk is a great resource. I reread it regularly to help myself stay on target. It's hard to break our own programming (i.e. not do what we were raised with even if we know it's not right). Also, when I taught 4 year olds, EVERY parent complained about that. We had a board where we posted what we did that day so parents would have some topics to get the conversation started. What did you do today is too broad a question for 4 year olds, it's overwhelming. Instead of asking questions, try rephrasing beginning with the words "tell me about..." If you know the general pattern of the day you can narrow things down for her. Tell me about art today. Tell me about circle time. Tell me about your favorite thing you did today. You get the idea. I would imagine your child's school has a communication board too. You can use that for topic ideas. If it says they studied bugs, try "tell me about the bugs you learned about at school today."

I would be very hesitant to call a child that young flippant. Consider your words, expectations, etc. If you're really having trouble, I would also consider picking up the book Honey, I Wrecked the Kids. The title is tongue in cheek, but the book is full of great tools and does a good job at explaining why kids do what they do and what you can do in response.

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