Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Tillman is an absurdist symbol for the whole thing. People are arguing about whether or not to put him in the Hall of Fame. Whether he gets in or not has zero bearing on the actual world. If he gets in, it doesn't devalue anything, it doesn't make the Hall some sham thing and even if it did, who the gently caress cares. We treat the HoF like some kind of loving temple that is so important and sacred, when it's literally the football equivalent of the high score screen in an arcade machine. The only people who argue about his inclusion are so far up their own asses that they think football is somehow more important than it should be.

Pat Tillman left a lucrative, high paying job to defend his country. Service of others should be the thing that we value most, and he was an embodiment of that notion. I honestly don't care if he gets in the HoF or not, but I think arguing about it in the same way as arguing whether or not Hines Ward belongs in the hall (he does) is the stupidest loving thing and anyone who actively engages in that debate is a loving idiot who lacks all perspective.

# ? Aug 24, 2016 05:51

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# ? May 21, 2024 13:44

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Big Ol Marsh Pussy posted:

Put me in the hall of fame for my great posting

Posthumously.

# ? Aug 24, 2016 05:55

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

kill every bengal poster, set the tape to sam spence music, and put it in the HoF

# ? Aug 24, 2016 06:00

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

swickles posted:

We treat the HoF like some kind of loving temple that is so important and sacred, when it's literally the football equivalent of the high score screen in an arcade machine.

Plus its in Ohio, and a bad town even by Ohio Standards, so how sacred can it really be

# ? Aug 24, 2016 06:04

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

swickles posted:

it's literally the football equivalent of the high score screen in an arcade machine.

Would you accept a high score by some kid who only played the first level and got a glitch to give them points? :colbert:

# ? Aug 24, 2016 06:19

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Febreeze posted:

Would you accept a high score by some kid who only played the first level and got a glitch to give them points?

Only if his initials were rear end, DIK, COK, or JIZ.

# ? Aug 24, 2016 06:24

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Febreeze posted:

Would you accept a high score by some kid who only played the first level and got a glitch to give them points?

I think that's the only way Marshawn Lynch get's in the Hof, so I'm going to say yes.-

# ? Aug 24, 2016 06:34

hifi: Jul 25, 2012

Tillman should be in canton and so should every other player who served in the military and played in the NFL, but not in the hall of fame. do something nicer for a hero than a plaque with an asterisk hanging next to warren sapp.

# ? Aug 24, 2016 07:27

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

swickles posted:

Tillman is an absurdist symbol for the whole thing. People are arguing about whether or not to put him in the Hall of Fame. Whether he gets in or not has zero bearing on the actual world. If he gets in, it doesn't devalue anything, it doesn't make the Hall some sham thing and even if it did, who the gently caress cares. We treat the HoF like some kind of loving temple that is so important and sacred, when it's literally the football equivalent of the high score screen in an arcade machine. The only people who argue about his inclusion are so far up their own asses that they think football is somehow more important than it should be.

Pat Tillman left a lucrative, high paying job to defend his country. Service of others should be the thing that we value most, and he was an embodiment of that notion. I honestly don't care if he gets in the HoF or not, but I think arguing about it in the same way as arguing whether or not Hines Ward belongs in the hall (he does) is the stupidest loving thing and anyone who actively engages in that debate is a loving idiot who lacks all perspective.

What a load of bullshit man, I mean come on. Hines Ward should never get in.

# ? Aug 24, 2016 12:56

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Sash! posted:

Plus its in Ohio, and a bad town even by Ohio Standards, so how sacred can it really be

ohio is good, but canton is very bad

# ? Aug 24, 2016 13:15

Dr_Strangelove: Dec 16, 2003; Mein Fuhrer! THEY WON!

DJExile posted:

We must secure the existence of our journalists and a future for hot takes.

I wish we could upvote comments, because these are 14 Words of greatness

# ? Aug 24, 2016 20:58

Dr_Strangelove: Dec 16, 2003; Mein Fuhrer! THEY WON!

swickles posted:

Pat Tillman left a lucrative, high paying job to defend his country. Service of others should be the thing that we value most, and he was an embodiment of that notion. I honestly don't care if he gets in the HoF or not, but I think arguing about it in the same way as arguing whether or not Hines Ward belongs in the hall (he does) is the stupidest loving thing and anyone who actively engages in that debate is a loving idiot who lacks all perspective.

never forget

# ? Aug 24, 2016 21:04

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Dr_Strangelove posted:

never forget

I always liked Febreeze's comic

"Why is Hines Ward returning a kickoff?"

# ? Aug 24, 2016 23:00

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

v2vian man posted:

ohio is good, but canton is very bad

My brother, who lives in Ohio already, turned down a job because he'd have to move to Canton. Puts it all in perspective.

Also, Ohio is terrible because its full of Ohioans. Plus its like the most Generic State Possible. It simply is.

# ? Aug 25, 2016 00:01

Brannock: Feb 9, 2006; by exmarx; Fallen Rib

Can't believe no one has pointed out yet that King has previously argued that off-field shouldn't matter one single bit for Hall of Fame inclusion

If it doesn't matter for Sharper then it shouldn't matter for Tillman, you fat gently caress

# ? Aug 25, 2016 02:47

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

Brannock posted:

Can't believe no one has pointed out yet that King has previously argued that off-field shouldn't matter one single bit for Hall of Fame inclusion

If it doesn't matter for Sharper then it shouldn't matter for Tillman, you fat gently caress

To be fair to King, his off-field accomplishments are the only real argument Tillman has for the HoF, so by his logic he's actually just fine

# ? Aug 25, 2016 03:22

Nystral: Feb 6, 2002; Every man likes a pretty girl with him at a skeleton dance.

You should try Heggy's chocolates before you write off Canton completely. Best chocolates I've ever had.

# ? Aug 25, 2016 03:43

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Febreeze posted:

To be fair to King, his off-field accomplishments are the only real argument Tillman has for the HoF, so by his logic he's actually just fine

A few people seemed to misinterpret King's tweet as being pro Tillman in the Hall instead of con. Not sure why.

# ? Aug 25, 2016 04:15

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

The ~~best~~, maybe weirdest is better, Tillman story was when Simeon Rice was interviewed (after he went to the Bucs) and had absolutely nothing to say about Tillman other than he wasn't good at football. Like, whoever it was (Rome I think?) kept giving him a chance to say something, anything nice about the guy and Rice was just 'yeah he sucked, he left before he got beat out of the league by some UDFA, etc etc.'

# ? Aug 25, 2016 04:24

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

Dr_Strangelove posted:

never forget

Jersey isn't tucked in

High pad level

That poo poo don't fly in the Hall

# ? Aug 25, 2016 05:12

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

swickles posted:

Hines Ward belongs in the hall (he does)

Christ, what the gently caress dude.

# ? Aug 26, 2016 16:02

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Badfinger posted:

Christ, what the gently caress dude.

How many wide receivers can claim they literally rewrote the rules?

# ? Aug 26, 2016 21:42

hifi: Jul 25, 2012

Mel Mudkiper posted:

How many wide receivers can claim they literally rewrote the rules?

calvin johnson, who also isn't going into the hof

# ? Aug 26, 2016 21:44

twerking on the railroad: Jun 23, 2007; Get on my level

Grittybeard posted:

The ~~best~~, maybe weirdest is better, Tillman story was when Simeon Rice was interviewed (after he went to the Bucs) and had absolutely nothing to say about Tillman other than he wasn't good at football. Like, whoever it was (Rome I think?) kept giving him a chance to say something, anything nice about the guy and Rice was just 'yeah he sucked, he left before he got beat out of the league by some UDFA, etc etc.'

It is literally impossible to read up on this in any reasonable way. Everything you can google about this seems to be drenched in 2003-era patriotism.

# ? Aug 27, 2016 15:25

Bismack Billabongo: Oct 9, 2012; New Love Glow

NC-17 posted:

I always thought that statue was whitewashing things a bit.

# ? Aug 28, 2016 02:30

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

i wouldn't usually pick on a typo or homophone but this is pretty bad

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Aug 28, 2016 16:31

Anals of History: Jul 29, 2003

v2vian man posted:

i wouldn't usually pick on a typo or homophone but this is pretty bad

That's real bad. Are these writers in a hostage situation where if they don't post something in the next :30, they'll lose a family member or something?

# ? Aug 28, 2016 16:48

GonadTheBallbarian: Jul 23, 2007

Anals of History posted:

That's real bad. Are these writers in a hostage situation where if they don't post something in the next :30, they'll lose a family member or something?

not quite that extreme, but often the deadlines are pretty goddamned strict and/or "no time for edits, we'll fix it later if there's an issue"

# ? Aug 28, 2016 16:50

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

v2vian man posted:

i wouldn't usually pick on a typo or homophone but this is pretty bad

I know it's not the joke, but a hard d locks down the advantage for Siemian

# ? Aug 28, 2016 22:42

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I know it's not the joke, but a hard d locks down the advantage for Siemian

not THE joke? Hell buddy that's not A joke!!

# ? Aug 29, 2016 02:35

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

v2vian man posted:

not THE joke? Hell buddy that's not A joke!!

Learn English, Mel.

# ? Aug 29, 2016 02:59

Its Miller Time: Dec 4, 2004

This may have very well been posted, but I made the mistake of tracking down my first Berry article of the year.

http://abcnews.go.com/Sports/lovehate-story/story?id=41466417

I give him props for ragging on himself so much. I actually didn't realize he wrote the article until I checked, I thought it was a Berry take-down piece.

edit: In retrospect I take the props back. It's really just one big humblebrag about his new contract. He mentions his new five-year deal at least twice again, once at the end of his absurd Shark Tank ramble and the other right before the start of the list.

But then:

quote:

I hate the terms "sleeper" and "bust." I believe there is no such thing. To put it another way, every single player can be either a sleeper or a bust. It just comes down to what it costs to acquire said player and whether that player exceeds or falls short of that cost.

Not to get all Shark Tanky -- it isn't actually word but what the hell do I care, I got a five-year deal, I'm above the laws of grammar and spelling -- but a super-basic business term is return on investment, or "ROI." Let's pretend you are on the hit ABC show pitching the sharks and your company makes two products:

1. A T-shirt that advertises ESPN's brand new free fantasy app that allows you to control all of your fantasy teams in one app, with increased video and content.

2. A T-shirt that advertises the new Star Wars film "Rogue One," coming this holiday season from Disney/LucasFilm.

Both products sell equally well.

Mark Cuban can't believe how blatant all the company promotion is, so he's out.

Lori Greiner asks about price point.

You tell her the App shirt sells for $20 and the Star Wars shirt sells for $25.

Mr. Wonderful hasn't been paying attention, but he snaps out of it to tell you he's so bored by this whole analogy he's out too.

Barbara Corcoran scolds Mr. Wonderful for being a jerk and says a bunch of really nice, kind and supportive things about your business before also saying, yeah, she's out.

Daymond John, the apparel expert of the sharks, says he might be interested, but only if you consolidated your business to one product. Since both shirts sell at the exact same rate, you might say you want to keep selling the $25 shirt, since you take in $5 more on that shirt.

But then Lori asks what it costs to make each shirt. Each shirt costs the same to make. However, there is no royalty on the ESPN shirt, as they are pushing the new-and-improved app almost as much as they are promoting the fact that you should play your league out on ESPN.com on the free, fully customized league manager product. ESPN is happy to let you print as many shirts as you want, as they want the advertising.

The Star Wars shirt, however, charges a 30 percent royalty rate on the image of Darth Vader because, did I mention that Darth Vader is in "Rogue One"? Because he is, and that's awesome. Anyway, because of the royalty rate, you have to pay Disney $7.50 more per shirt for Star Wars than you do for the app shirt.

So despite the Star Wars shirt being more expensive, you actually make more money (or have a better ROI) on the app shirt, to the tune of $2.50 more per shirt. A "Shark Tank" producer has explained all of this to you during a commercial break, because you were kicked off long ago ... because let's face it, who is investing in a two-shirt company?

I seem to have lost my way. Whatever. Five-year deal. Word count means nothing to me. (Editor's note: Don't I know it!) The point is that in fantasy, the idea of ROI is the same as in the T-shirt example. Every player has value. Every. Single. Player. It's just what it costs to acquire that player. Now, a player's perceived value is baked into his draft position. There's a reason Rob Gronkowski goes early in drafts and Eric Ebron does not. As it stands today, one is a much more valuable commodity.

Holy loving god.

Its Miller Time fucked around with this message at 22:02 on Sep 6, 2016

# ? Sep 6, 2016 21:56

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Jokey self referential poo poo is as dead and buried as Peter King's sense of good journalism

# ? Sep 6, 2016 23:58

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Shark Tank is more of a scourge than a do-it-at-home surgery show would be.

# ? Sep 7, 2016 00:25

Beard Yawn: Apr 11, 2011; You would make a good Dalek.

https://twitter.com/OmarKelly/status/773236544194875397

Kind of might have hinted.

# ? Sep 7, 2016 00:26

Neil Armbong: Jan 16, 2004; If anybody wants to see, there's a Donkey Kong kill screen coming up.; Pillbug

Its Miller Time posted:

This may have very well been posted, but I made the mistake of tracking down my first Berry article of the year.

http://abcnews.go.com/Sports/lovehate-story/story?id=41466417

I give him props for ragging on himself so much. I actually didn't realize he wrote the article until I checked, I thought it was a Berry take-down piece.

edit: In retrospect I take the props back. It's really just one big humblebrag about his new contract. He mentions his new five-year deal at least twice again, once at the end of his absurd Shark Tank ramble and the other right before the start of the list.

But then:

Holy loving god.

Matthew Berry posted:

Matthew Berry, the most recognizable and influential personality in fantasy sports

what does this even mean.

# ? Sep 7, 2016 01:04

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

It means he wrote Crocodile Dundee 3.

# ? Sep 7, 2016 01:39

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Neil Armbong posted:

what does this even mean.

It means he successfully sold out as hard as he possibly could.

In 2016, he's nowhere near as influential as Evan Silva though.

# ? Sep 7, 2016 02:34

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

Spoeank posted:

It means he successfully sold out as hard as he possibly could.

In 2016, he's nowhere near as influential as Evan Silva though.

Pretty much everybody I know in fantasy uses Rotoworld these days, because they have the fastest updates and their analysis comes in bite-sized chunks that's easy to digest, especially if you're trying to make lineup decisions in a pinch.

I don't know a single person who still reads Matthew Berry columns.

# ? Sep 7, 2016 04:44

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# ? May 21, 2024 13:44

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Given that writing about fantasy literally means you cannot be influential...

# ? Sep 7, 2016 14:26

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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