|
And then the marine stood up and punched the cowardly homosexual scientist. "If you're so evolved why didn't your precious science stop me?"
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 19:09
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2024 00:52 |
|
|
bag em and tag em posted:And then the marine stood up and punched the cowardly homosexual scientist. "If you're so evolved why didn't your precious science stop me?" And then the entire classroom leapt to their feet in applause.
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 19:18
|
|
|
That marin was alber eistiniend
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 19:21
|
|
|
Shwqa posted:We know the rate in which carbon decays. We date things based on how much the carbon as decayed. Hence the name "carbon dating" I would never allow my daughter to date a carbon!
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 19:27
|
|
|
Paladinus posted:I would never allow my daughter to date a carbon! But daddy! He completes me!!
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 19:44
|
|
|
The Phlegmatist posted:Islam, Communism, Nazism, Masonry, certainly all devoted friends of the Vatican. Did Jack Chick ever stop and wonder why the Catholic Church was just so bad at controlling the entire world? That probably confirmed The Conspiracy in his mind, nevermind that by the time his anti-Catholic tracts came out the country had finally managed to put Anti-Catholic sentiment decades behind her past. I remember one parody of his tracts that takes a western themed tract and turns it into an Anti-Catholic tract where the dude just goes around a town smoking Catholics left and right and gets into heaven. It wasn't very funny 
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 20:19
|
|
|
Shwqa posted:We know the rate in which carbon decays. We date things based on how much the carbon as decayed. Hence the name "carbon dating"
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 20:24
|
|
|
Knowing nothing about science but talking about it anyway was the best part of Chick tracts. Also his woeful misunderstanding of popular culture, like how D&D is real spellcasting, and a metal band's lyrics are "We're gonna rock rock rock, rock with the rock."
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 21:18
|
|
|
sticklefifer posted:Knowing nothing about science but talking about it anyway was the best part of Chick tracts. The last one was pretty much true at the time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRwrg0db_zY
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 21:32
|
|
|
All I know is that there's something funky going on with that D&D group. Why can't Debbie come to the phone and talk to Marcie? She's fighting the zombie! How the gently caress is she so busy fighting the zombie when the dungeon master is answering a phone call? Is Ms. Frost running a co-GM shared world jam?
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 22:20
|
|
|
Dungeons and dragons is the nicest, most innocent dorky activity anyone could ever possibly take part in. It's literally "fairy tales, the game"
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 23:28
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw98ARXfcqk
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2016 23:30
|
|
|
That was loving awesome.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 00:14
|
|
|
I like how it ends. That song rocks. I've always wanted to do a concept album about Darkest Dungeons. "Blackleaf, No!" would be the band name/album title. I've scribbled lyrics for various songs over the years, and the album would just add a little to the story, like a unrequited love between Marcie and Debbie, more details about the game and learning black magic and the blossoming relationship Debbie has with Chad Thundercock, or whatever his name is. The jock who brings her back to Christ. One of the songs absolutely must be titled Mind Bondage and be as 80s metal as possible. Uh anyway, here's some lovely, half-remembered lyrics from where Blackleaf dies. I know I had some variation in the choruses but my memory is foggy: Chorus Marcy Marcy how couldn't you know-oh-oh That poor little Blackleaf was too drat slow-oh-oh? Oh no! Blackleaf's dead Marcie's crying now as she hangs her head Oh no! Blackleaf's dead Tears are falling and no kind words are said Debbie: Marcie you got your character killed, friend It seems that's your mistake quota filled, friend The rest of the party isn't thrilled, friend This game has rules both you and I know, friend I'm sorry you died but you must go, friend Don't worry Marcie, I'll see you outside the game, I've always thought you were cool Chorus Ms. Frost You weren't ready for the true power, girl To be taught sacred rights at the bower, girl You and Blackleaf died now hit the shower, girl Debbie would have never loved you back, girl She needs lovers with a spine and a sack, girl Now go home and think about how worthless you are, you little whore Chorus Anyway, that's my Jack Chick confession
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 01:13
|
|
|
This is sort of random, but I figured I'd post it anyway. I bought someone's collection of tracts awhile back, and this was part of it. Back in the early 90s, the guy wrote Jack Chick and asked for his autograph. I wish I thought of that! Oh well, too late now. Anyway, here are a couple of pictures.   On with the show. Chick tract #5 - Somebody Loves Me (1965). I have never actually seen one of these, so a couple of old ads from the mid-60s will have to suffice:   I imagine the story in the 1965 version is essentially the same as the later ones. It was redrawn to fit the modern format in 1969. The copyright was renewed in 1972 when Chick Publications incorporated, but I don't think any changes were made. It was slightly revised in 1973, and again in 2005. Pictured below are the 1972, 1973, and 2005 versions.  The story is very simple, and is told mostly in pictures. Poor little boy has lovely life and ends up living in a box. A little girl comes and tells the boy that Jesus loves him. Boy dies and goes to heaven.     The only change to the 1973 version is that the little girl wears a coat, which she then gives to the boy right before he dies. In the 2005 version, the little girl says she'll go get help, but the boy dies anyway. This might be the least offensive Chick tract. It's available in quite a few foreign languages since there only about two phrases that need to be translated. Here is a decent scan of the 1973 version if anyone cares to read it: https://www.scribd.com/document/77515892/Chick-Tract-Somebody-Loves-Me edit: I forgot about the 1969 version, so I added info about that. Gutter Phoenix fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Nov 3, 2016 |
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 02:03
|
|
|
I remember that one, one of the first I ever saw. They changed it so she goes to get help for him, huh. Haha, good to see there was someone working at the company that realized this little parable is a perfect example of the kind of sanctimonious words not deeds Christianity that infects the filthy souls of the type of people that hand out chick tracts. It's like the idea of a diner writing Jesus Loves You in the tip% section of a meal receipt taken to an absurdly hideous extreme. Jesus loves you kid, your reward is in heaven, now go die in a ditch.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 02:30
|
|
|
"AS PER YOUR REQUEST", the most heartfelt of greetings
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 02:33
|
|
|
Sentient Data posted:"AS PER YOUR REQUEST", the most heartfelt of greetings "As per your request, here's my signature. Now let my family go!"
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 02:57
|
|
|
uber_stoat posted:I remember that one, one of the first I ever saw. They changed it so she goes to get help for him, huh. Haha, good to see there was someone working at the company that realized this little parable is a perfect example of the kind of sanctimonious words not deeds Christianity that infects the filthy souls of the type of people that hand out chick tracts. It's like the idea of a diner writing Jesus Loves You in the tip% section of a meal receipt taken to an absurdly hideous extreme. Jesus loves you kid, your reward is in heaven, now go die in a ditch. You misunderstand. The girl saved the little boy. Had she not been the type to wander the alleys telling the destitute about how Jesus loves them, the little boy would never have known about Christ. So that little boy, having been beaten and abused by his father and abaonded to die in the gutter by society, would have failed to accept Jesus into his heard and therefore burned forever in hell as an unbeliever 
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:04
|
|
|
a bone to pick posted:That was loving awesome. I'm the clarinet solo
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:23
|
|
|
Chick tract #6 - Somebody Goofed (1966). This is a good one. It starts with a guy named Bobby dying of an overdose. Three bystanders discuss belief in an afterlife, with the youngest torn between a religious old man and a suave atheist in a turtleneck. The young guy somehow ends up driving turtleneck atheist around and they get hit by a train. They both end up in hell, where turtleneck atheist pulls off his face to reveal that he is actually the Devil!! The earliest version has a simplified story and entirely different art, but the ending is the same.  At the top left is the very rare 3.5" x 4.25" version with a simplified story and entirely different art. Beneath that is the redrawn and resized 1969 version. All the others are slightly different versions of the 1972 revision, except for the last one on the bottom right hand side, which is a recent revision from 2005. The earliest versions have text of the devil's laughter on the cover ("Haw Haw"). The devil on the last page also has a red head in those versions.  Later versions (some of those with the 1972 copyright date, and all of them with the 2005 date) don't have "Haw Haw" on the cover, and the devil on the last page is in black and white. Lame.  Some of the later versions with the 1972 date have a change to the first page, updating a hippie character with a peace symbol on his shirt into a metal head with a skull and pentagram on his shirt. The hippie version has Bobby dying from an overdose of reds. In the metalhead version, Bobby O.D.s on speed. I've listed a few of the more obvious changes to Somebody Goofed during its fifty years in print, but there are a ton of other minor variations. Major revisions to Chick tracts generally get a new copyright date, but minor changes to wording and art are made pretty frequently. Find the one you like best! My favorite has the "Haw Haw" on the cover, the red devil on the last page, and the pentagram-shirt metalhead on the first page. Here is a decent scan of the 1972 version with the hippie on the first page. I'd prefer it to be the heavy metal variant, but I don't have a scanner so I need to take what I can get! https://www.scribd.com/document/77286266/Chick-Tract-Somebody-Goofed As I mentioned, the 1966 version has totally different art. It is incredibly rare, so I think I'm going to post pictures of the whole thing:                I thought I'd be able to post The Beast today, but I don't think I'll have time. I'm going out of town for a few days, but I'll post more tracts next week. Up next: #7 - The Beast (1966) #8 - Creator or Liar (1969) #9 - This Book Has Been Banned #10 - Who, Me? (1969) And many more... Gutter Phoenix fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Oct 29, 2016 |
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:40
|
|
|
AN OVERDOSE OF REDS
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:41
|
|
|
...and the pitch! posted:AN OVERDOSE OF REDS I can only have sex with three, maybe four communists before it becomes too much for me.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:50
|
|
|
I'm the Slayer fan smoking weed by an ambulance
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:54
|
|
|
Wario's a terrible parent, imo
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:55
|
|
|
Hellsau posted:I can only have sex with three, maybe four communists before it becomes too much for me. You're no Warren Beatty
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 03:57
|
|
|
Zorodius posted:I'm the Slayer fan smoking weed by an ambulance Clearly a Misfits fan
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 04:00
|
|
|
I don't get how anyone could earnestly love a God like the egomaniac sadist Chick envisions. It's hard to see it as anything other than genuine abject terror covered up by affected love as you have to love Christ or he will torture you for all eternity you lowly piece of poo poo
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 04:56
|
|
|
Gutter Phoenix posted:Chick tract #6 - Somebody Goofed (1966). Any chance that the black people version of this is in your posting future? I think the improved art really amplified the big reveal at the end.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 05:53
|
|
|
So he had his works translated into dozens of languages, but didn't he believe that the King James Bible is the only legitimate bible, superseding even the original Greek and Hebrew?
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 08:14
|
|
|
Liquid Dinosaur posted:So he had his works translated into dozens of languages, but didn't he believe that the King James Bible is the only legitimate bible, superseding even the original Greek and Hebrew? Hm, from Wikipedia: quote:Jack Chick, a fundamentalist Christian best known for his comic tracts is an advocate for the King James Only movement. He wrote a comic called Sabotage advocating the King James Only movement, and his company offers various books from other authors who also espouse the KJV-only position. Anyone wanna post Sabotage, and then does anyone else want to photoshop Beastie Boys lyrics onto it and get it over with?
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 08:30
|
|
|
Hellsau posted:Hm, from Wikipedia: https://youtu.be/4dueYwqKa1I
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 08:32
|
|
|
Come on, let the motherfucker have the oatmeal. That bowl of oatmeal couldn't have cost more than like 20 cents, pull up a chair and let him join you and your dipshit friends. Also that's literally the afterlife for Jack Chick for all eternity.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 08:47
|
|
|
He was a handsome young man
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 09:07
|
|
|
So what is it with these fundies who hate gays and muslims and evolutionists and rock musicians and nerds and HATE Catholics, but Jews are cool, kind-of-sort-of? Like, Jews are apparently just fellow victims of the Catholic menace who will eventually smarten up and join the Protestants.I mean, it obviously doesn't stop him from drawing his stock villains as dark haired and hook nosed.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 09:13
|
|
|
Liquid Dinosaur posted:So what is it with these fundies who hate gays and muslims and evolutionists and rock musicians and nerds and HATE Catholics, but Jews are cool, kind-of-sort-of? They are needed for the second coming of Jesus Christ 
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 09:21
|
|
|
this thread is awesome. growing up most of my life attending Christian schools, I've seen a fair few of the chick tracts here and there. I'm not particularly religious now that I'm older, and I always thought the Chick tracts were funny when I was younger. I definitely remember getting the D&D one when I was in middle or high school, because games like Everquest and World of Warcraft were somewhat new and hugely popular, and a lot of the senior members of the church that ran the school figured it was more or less the same thing as D&D. So they handed out Chick tracts to keep us away from those games and delivered our once weekly mandatory church sermon on the evils of MMO games. Of course 99% of the tracts were thrown right in the trash after being soundly mocked. I can't say for certain how popular or effective their messages were, but anecdotally I can say for sure there was definitely a small population at the school who took the messages to heart. There was a small clique of students at the school who made it their crusade to campaign against gaming of all types from tradition pen and paper stuff to the rapidly growing online gaming scene. They mostly got ignored by everyone, but it was still kind of odd to see. Even more bizarre to see was they actually formed a school club that was the "Anti-Gaming League" to compete against the school's already sanctioned, endorsed and popular "Games Club." And the "Games Club" covered everything from chess to board games to video games and MMOs, so it was one of the more popular clubs since you got to take a class period off to go play video games or board games under the guise of "social fellowship." And of course the school never bothered to screen the games or anything, so we had D&D players next to chess players next to some guys playing GTA. I'm kind of rambling now. I feel like if there was a thread that was just "Hey! Share your loving weird experiences growing up in a Christian school!" me and a lot of other folks would have some poo poo to contribute. Long story short, it's interesting to see some of these again after I thought I purged them from my brain, and Gutter Phoenix is doing an awesome job contributing some brand new and original poo poo to this thread. I had no idea about the racial differences between tracts before, and it's really cool to see that. Don't get it twisted, I'm no fan of Jack Chick but there's those of us out there he impacted whether it was wanted or not.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 09:39
|
|
|
doodlebugs posted:They are needed for the second coming of Jesus Christ They really get the poo poo end of that one. Fulfill a guy's prophecies just so he can throw you in hell? This, the thanks they get?
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 09:44
|
|
|
Mel Gibson should do a movie adaption or a tv series based on one of the tracts. Come on, do it.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 09:54
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2024 00:52 |
|
|
mike12345 posted:Mel Gibson should do a movie adaption or a tv series based on one of the tracts. Come on, do it. That's what Passion of the Christ was.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2016 10:11
|
|