TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

CommanderApaul: Aug 30, 2003; It's amazing their hands can support such awesome.

The Glumslinger posted:

https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/793234169576947712

The article itself is pretty standard tech journalism, but there's some real gems in there, especially the whitelist only IPs as a form of communication obfuscation and the shutting it down, bringing it back up and the first syn/ack in the DNS logs being from the same Alfa Bank server.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:39

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# ? May 30, 2024 10:56

bean mom: Jan 30, 2009

gently caress You And Diebold posted:

https://twitter.com/mviser/status/791707444196024320

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah

(it was me)

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:39

anime was right: Jun 27, 2008; death is certain
keep yr cool

also great thread title imo

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:40

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

The bank has to be an oppo drop

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:40

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment that I'm alive, I pray for death!

Dick Milhous Rock! posted:

Hey IKs, can we rename the Trump Toxx Thread the Delusional Thread for Idiots and the Indie Toxx thread as the Kasich Commemorative Protest Vote Thread?

I'd rather leave the core titles as they are, though playing with thread subtitles is fair game.

Most of the indie thread are Jeb! toxxers, for some reason.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:40

Chokes McGee: Aug 7, 2008; This is Urotsuki.

stay safe, anime titty person, and godspeed

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

anime was right posted:

also great thread title imo

whats the thread title about????

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

bump_fn: Apr 12, 2004; _{two of them}

iospace posted:

The bank has to be an oppo drop

dont u think that if they had a private server scandal on trump they would have dropped it a while ago

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

Mia Wasikowska: Oct 7, 2006

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

I'm glad you all seem to have got something from my explanatory post.

It is almost midnight where I live, so I am going to read a little bit more of my book then go to bed.

Enjoy your internet posting.

dude come back when youve played some fuckin video games nerd

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

Vertical Lime posted:

https://twitter.com/nypost/status/793235228676526080

Lol at wiener

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

Mia Wasikowska: Oct 7, 2006

Al! posted:

whats the thread title about????

isis dudes gettin murked 2nite

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

That DICK!: Sep 28, 2010

Captain_Maclaine posted:

I'd rather leave the core titles as they are, though playing with thread subtitles is fair game.

Most of the indie thread are Jeb! toxxers, for some reason.

[Shook] th... that's why I posted there. Shame about Jeb

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

TwinsensRevenge: Aug 13, 2013

Vertical Lime posted:

https://twitter.com/nypost/status/793235228676526080

this is the best you can do Post? "old lady prepares for thing"? christ

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:41

Princess Di: Apr 23, 2016; by zen death robot

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

I'll be honest, this thread is nice but a bit confusing. People ask questions and they get a lot of answers except when they get no answers at all. Then people talk across each other. Some people are quite rude. Sometimes people write in-jokes that not everyone understands. Other people reply with gifs of sort of funny stuff that doesn't seem related. Then other people come into the thread and ask "what happened?" and other people make fun of them. Or they get answers. Sometimes people just write "Ed Balls"!

And now a lot of people are doing all of this at the same time! It makes it hard to read.

Smoke some pot. It won't start making sense but you will stop caring about whether any of it makes sense.

It is then the chaos will begin to have its own strangely ordered internal logic.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:42

Karl Sharks: Feb 20, 2008; The Immortal Science of Sharksism-Fininism

prefect posted:

https://twitter.com/dduane/status/793232096043143168

okay just gonna go ahead and post this whole thing and make some highlights if you're too lazy because holy gently caress

sorry for long, plenty of bolding cause lol and :nsfw: at parts

quote:

When Jeffrey Robinson�s Trump Tower debuted in July 2012, it failed to receive much attention, despite boasting the tagline, �The sexiest novel of the decade,� and an endorsement from Donald Trump himself.

�Jeffrey Robinson�s novel Trump Tower bares it all,� Trump writes in the only review blurb on the the back cover. �Here is the drama of the Ultra Rich, the Ultra Powerful, and the Ultra Beautiful who call the most glamorous address in the country their home. I can�t wait to see it on television!�

One of the only critical reviews came from The New York Post, which claimed, �The red room of pain in Fifty Shades of Grey would fit right into Trump Tower.� The review only discussed events that happen within the first few pages of the novel, such as a tenant of New York City�s Trump Tower being held against her will in an act that�s depicted as sexy BDSM but is not consensual. This clear moment of sexual assault is presented nonchalantly in the book.

Although the book depicts the graphic sex lives of those living and working in Trump Tower (such as an employee having sex on the set of �Celebrity Apprentice�), Trump�s real-life building continues to promote the book prominently in its retail areas.

Just last year, the book was featured on the top shelf of the Trump Store in the building, above all other books by Trump. As of this month, Trump Tower is advertised in a display case right next to the main floor�s Trump Bar and was one of the only books still sold at the tower�s store (now largely a holding place for �Make America Great Again� campaign materials).

If it seems odd that Trump would have such an affinity for Trump Tower, it makes more sense once you know that the publisher originally marketed the book as �the debut novel from �New York Times�-bestselling author, international business mogul, television superstar, and New York City icon, Donald J. Trump.�

The Huffington Post obtained advertising materials that market Trump as the author of Trump Tower and reference a registered ISBN different than the eventual Trump Tower. The U.S. ISBN Agency, an organization that�s responsible for the assignment of these numbers, confirmed that the ISBN is registered in their database. �The title was still on a Not Yet Published Status when it became unavailable,� further clarified a representative from Perseus Books Group, the publishing house responsible for both iterations of Trump Tower.

On this original version of the book, which was supposed to be available in 2011, Trump�s name is listed as the primary author above Robinson�s, although the covers are nearly identical otherwise.

Libraries and booksellers who received this advertising copy later got an update that the publication was canceled, only to get a Trump Tower without Trump�s name a year later.

Trump Tower is an incredibly sexist novel. Just about every single female character�s level of attractiveness is described, while male characters get little physical description. Bust-size is repeatedly mentioned with lines like, �She was dressed in white, with her blouse open to her navel, which did nothing to hide her small breasts.�

Even when a female character is briefly mentioned, much of the writing space is used to describe her appearance, often with a term like �plump.� That descriptor is used for three different women in the book.

The novel also spends quite a bit of time describing various Trump properties, such as Mar-a-Lago and Trump National Golf Club. The main storyline focuses on the employees and tenants of New York�s Trump Tower, but Trump himself pops up from time to time to dismiss a tenant as a crazy person, to discuss whether to fire someone, or to talk about his sex life.

The dominant arc of the novel follows the building manager as he tries to keep the tower running smoothly. The novel opens with the manager telling himself, �Donald Trump only thinks he rules Trump Tower.� The book concludes, more than 400 pages later, with the manager overcoming multiple obstacles, only to have Trump undermine his authority in the very last paragraph.

Numerous typographical errors, bizarre �cameo� appearances by celebrities (not least among them Bill Clinton) and abrupt tonal shifts further make finishing the novel a challenge. The first section of the book is vaguely in the genre of erotica, with numerous descriptions of naked women and sex scenes. The remainder of the novel devolves into office politics, trade deals and a murder investigation. The building manager is a suspect in that murder, but is cleared when the cops just give up on the case. Nobody in the novel seemed to care about the murdered woman, so it�s fine.

As with his nonfiction books, it appears Trump did not actually �write� this novel and instead hired Robinson as his ghostwriter. An old JLA speaker listing for Robinson happens to advertise that �he might also confess to ghost writing a novel for Donald Trump.� (A representative for JLA told HuffPost, �Our biography is accurate.�)

Trump has worked on a �Trump Tower� project since at least the late 1990s, when he tried to make it a television show. �We hired a writer out of Los Angeles and developed a pilot with Showtime,� Bob Frederick of the Canadian production company MVP Entertainment explained to HuffPost. �And Donald was happy with it because it was more of a �Dallas,� �Dynasty,� �Upstairs, Downstairs,� kind of concept. And although he had no creative say in the series, we did write him a check for his rights.�

Part of the promotional copy for the published Trump Tower reads (emphasis ours):

In the great tradition of Arthur Hailey, Harold Robbins, �Dynasty,� and �Dallas� comes Jeffrey Robinson�s Trump Tower, where everyone�s life is a drama. Leave your modesty downstairs. Trump Tower is the sexiest novel of the decade.
That television show didn�t come to fruition, but Trump continued to try and make the project work with other networks, including Lifetime in 2008. For that iteration, Trump was going to be the narrator.

This is not to be confused with his other, more autobiographical failed television project, �The Tower.� In February, The Washington Post secured part of the script Trump tried to develop with NBC. That project would have focused on a character named John Barron (a pseudonym Trump used occasionally when speaking with reporters), who was good at making deals.

Trump also has a reported obsession with the show �Dynasty� and so it makes sense he would want to insert himself into his own version. Joan Collins, one of the show�s stars who claims she based her character off Trump, has said that when he tried to get a role in the cast and was told no, he shouted, �But I am �Dynasty�!� Trump reportedly later tried and failed to cast Collins in his show �Celebrity Apprentice.� The Guardian also claimed in 1990 that Trump had a romantic relationship with �Dynasty� star Catherine Oxenberg, although she has said those rumors were �a complete joke.�

Television producer Bob Frederick said that Trump was wary of an early iteration of the potential program because it was �sexual in content� and he didn�t �want a series that�s about sex.� As the published Trump Tower is heavy in sexual content, this might be among the reasons that Trump took his name off the project.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/235072054423085056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Here are just a few of the strangest sex-related scenes in Trump Tower ...

(Spacing in text has been adjusted for this article)

The general manager of Trump Tower checks if a tenant named Cyndi Benson is all right in her apartment, and describes her �gorgeous breasts�:

Slowly opening the door � �Miss Benson?� � there she was, completely naked and gagged, her arms above her head, handcuffed to the top of the brass bedstead, with her legs tied to the bottom of the bedstead, stretched wide apart ... �Miss Benson ...�
Later in that scene:

Although she�d lately added blonde mesh highlights to her dark hair, her big, hazel eyes were the same as when they helped to make her famous, and her high cheekbones were the same, and her legs were the same but, as Belasco had already discovered � being two or three pounds heavier than she�d been as a teenager � she now had absolutely gorgeous breasts.

A tenant named Ricky walks out of his bedroom and orders a stranger to have sex with him:

Just then, Ricky heard some noise down the hall. He followed it to the second bedroom, opened the door, and saw a naked guy on top of a naked girl. He didn�t know either of them. �Oy.� The guy looked over but didn�t stop. �Hey Ricky, I�m Bugs. She�s Shari.� �Don�t mind me.� Ricky stood there. Shari looked up, half-waved, and brought her feet up. �Pleased to make your acquaintance.� He watched them for a moment, then stepped into the room and got into bed with them. �When you�re done with him, luv,� Ricky said to Shari, �you get on top of me. Just be careful this bleeding ankle bracelet don�t leave no marks.�

An elevator operator talks about his newborn child with a tenant and says, �He like his mama�s titties a lot�:

Jaquim pulled a photo out of his pocket and showed it to David. �Seven kilos already. That�s the clothes you and Mrs. Cove bought for him. He like a lot.� �Seven kilos. Good.� David had no idea if that was good or not, but he knew he had to say something nice. Jaquim pointed to his chest and nodded, �He like his mama�s titties a lot.�
Later in that scene:

David mumbled, �I�d probably like his mama�s titties, too,� and, instead of using his key, he rang the bell.

A Hollywood agent named Zeke talks to Katie Couric at a party and brings up something Trump told him about the �absolutely gorgeous girls� he used to have sex with:

�That�s what Trump wanted to know when I mentioned the deal to him. You know what I told him?� �What?� �I said, �Donald, when you own the world, you get laid a lot.�� Couric looked at him askance. �And you know what he said to me?� Zeke nodded several times, �He said that when he was single and running around with some of the most beautiful women on the planet, absolutely gorgeous girls, he used to get laid all the time. He said, �Zeke, I didn�t have to own the world.� And I said to him, Donald, of course not, because you already owned the air rights.� Couric smiled politely.

Two female tenants talk about getting lunch and wonder if they�ll be able to keep their clothes on:

�Ladies who lunch,� Cyndi said. �This time,� Alicia suggested, �let�s try to keep our clothes on.�

A lingerie designer talking to a tenant about his goals:

As Firenzi himself described it once to Carson, �I create underwear for the whore that every man prays his mistress might become.�

A friend of Ricky�s gifts what he thinks is a cat:

�Open it,� King said. �We found it in the neighborhood. A stray. And I figured with you all shut up in here like this ... � Ricky tore the box open and inside was a kitten. �Precisely what every guy needs ... a little pussy.�

An NBC News employee telling a tenant, who also works at NBC, that she will get a promotion over two white co-workers:

�Come on, you�re a shoo-in.� He reminded her, �Two white guys and a great-looking minority girl with perfect boobs? No contest.�

A married tenant named Tina decides to hook up with Ricky and some people ask if they can watch:

Then he saw Tina and smiled. �If it isn�t me visiting nurse service.� She walked up to him and grabbed his arm. �Come do me.� �What a good idea,� he said. �Don�t mind if I do.� One of the women in the living room asked, �Can we watch?� The guy next to her suggested, �Maybe we should film it.� �gently caress you,� Tina said to them and dragged Ricky back into his bedroom.

An employee of Trump Tower named Antonia talks on the phone with a Broadway actor named Tommy. Both consistently refer to themselves in third person throughout the novel:

�Take off your sweatshirt,� he said again. Her hands were trembling. �No.� �Yes,� he said. �Take off your sweatshirt. She reached for the bottom of her sweatshirt, but all she could do was hold onto it. �No.� �Yes.� �I can�t.� �Yes you can. Do as I tell you. Take off your sweatshirt.� She tried to swallow, but her mouth was totally dry. �I can�t...� �Do it. Take off your sweatshirt. Do as I tell you.� She closed her eyes, hesitated, then pulled off her sweatshirt.

�Did you do it?� �Yes.� �Now... take off your jeans...� �No...� �Yes. Take off your jeans. Go on.� Almost in a trance, she unbuttoned her jeans, opened them, and let them fall to her ankles. �What are you wearing now?� He asked. She kept her eyes shut tight and whispered, �My bra and panties.� �Now take off your bra.� Her hands were shaking as she reached behind her and did what he wanted her to do. �Yes?� He asked. �Yes,� she said and let her bra fall to the couch. �Now take off your panties.� She didn�t budge.

She moved her hands and touched herself and now her knees were so weak that she couldn�t stand up any more, and she fell onto the couch, still touching herself. He kept whispering to her, and she couldn�t stop. �Tommy...� she groaned. �Tommy� Antonia wants Tommy...� �Antonia is going to have Tommy,� he said. �Tonight. Tommy is coming to Antonia�s apartment and Tommy will ring the bell, and Antonia is going to open the door for Tommy, completely naked...�

�Yes,� she groaned. �Yes, Antonia?� �Yes... yes... completely naked.� �And do whatever Tommy wants.� �Yes.� She couldn�t stop. �Whatever Tommy wants.� �Whatever Tommy wants.� �Yes... yes,� she said it very loudly. �Whatever Tommy wants.�

A tenant named Mikey keeps convincing female guests to take off their tops:

Mikey walked up to her. �Don�t let Wendy be the only one...� �Who�s Wendy?� He pointed to the half-naked woman. �Sharon, over there.� �I thought you said her name was Wendy.� �The left one is Wendy, the right one is Sharon. What do you call yours?� Laughing, she yanked up her sweater and, bra-less, showed him a small tattoo on the side of each of her breasts. �Left ... and right.�

�How cool is that,� Mikey said, helping her out of her sweater. �Hey,� Joey objected, �this is my new girlfriend.�

�No, pal,� Mikey insisted, �this woman�s left and right belongs to the ages.� He took her hand and began parading her around the room, showing everyone her tattoos.
Later in that scene:

After the woman fell asleep, Mikey came out, looked around and saw there were at least six women not wearing tops. He proclaimed, �I�m dead. I�ve gone to boob heaven.�

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:42

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

euphronius posted:

Lol at wiener

So which poor FBI agent will have to look through the Weiner not porn folder?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:42

The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

iospace posted:

The bank has to be an oppo drop

Yes and no

It feels like someone got directed to some super technical internet posting, since the article even mentions reddit discussion of it, as well as mulitple organizations looking into it. But yeah, I feel like it probably started out as a "Check out reddit post (and past)"

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:42

bump_fn: Apr 12, 2004; _{two of them}

seriously tho how the gently caress is this election

how

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:42

Karl Sharks: Feb 20, 2008; The Immortal Science of Sharksism-Fininism

i want "i'm dead and gone to boob heaven" on my tombstone

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

Colonel Corazon: Feb 12, 2011; A faction armed to the teeth hardly seems friendly to me.

Joementum posted:

i think mike pence is cursed

https://twitter.com/alanhe/status/793226731184414720

good

hello scene from my future nightmare

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

bump_fn posted:

dont u think that if they had a private server scandal on trump they would have dropped it a while ago

And it's coupled with trump deleting emails against court orders too

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

etalian posted:

So which poor FBI agent will have to look through the Weiner not porn folder?

I'm sure there is a goon there who will catelog it

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

Josef K. Sourdust: Jul 16, 2014; "To be quite frank, Platinum sucks at making games. Vanquish was terrible and Metal Gear Rising: Revengance was so boring it put me to sleep."

Thanks for the advice. Congratulations on the posting, everyone!

G'night!

:wave:

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

Princess Di: Apr 23, 2016; by zen death robot

Dick Milhous Rock! posted:

Hey IKs, can we rename the Trump Toxx Thread the Delusional Thread for Idiots and the Indie Toxx thread as the Kasich Commemorative Protest Vote Thread?

I'm kind of into it.

But how would the Gary and Jill supporters feel?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

bean mom: Jan 30, 2009

Chokes McGee posted:

stay safe, anime titty person, and godspeed

i am liking this jojo fellow

6 eps in

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

Turdfuzz: Jul 23, 2008

Al! posted:

whats the thread title about????

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

LinYutang: Oct 12, 2016; NEOLIBERAL SHITPOSTER

VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO!!!

Slate Action posted:

https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/793234169576947712

abuela is seriously convinced that litigating this FBI thing for a week is going to work out, huh

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

a.lo: Sep 12, 2009

bump_fn posted:

seriously tho how the gently caress is this election

how

8 days

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:43

Chokes McGee: Aug 7, 2008; This is Urotsuki.

Karl Sharks posted:

i want "i'm dead and gone to boob heaven" on my tombstone

Where's the anime titty poster, he missed his time to shine by mere centimeters.

This is why you don't give up on nite crew people. This.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:44

That DICK!: Sep 28, 2010

LinYutang posted:

abuela is seriously convinced that litigating this FBI thing for a week is going to work out, huh

T'will

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:45

Nonsense: Jan 26, 2007

Joementum posted:

i think mike pence is cursed

https://twitter.com/alanhe/status/793226731184414720

good

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:45

eonwe: Aug 11, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

i wonder if all the people crying about hillarys emails will be as concerned about trumps secret russian server

im going with no

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:45

Chokes McGee: Aug 7, 2008; This is Urotsuki.

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

Thanks for the advice. Congratulations on the posting, everyone!

G'night!

There's still time! We've got a spot for a boob heaven joke, now get in there and win the game!!

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:45

Nonsense: Jan 26, 2007

Turdfuzz posted:

Chris Hayes literal tweet when he learned that Comey held back info about the Russians loving with our elections.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:45

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

sup bill

https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/793236743629660161

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:46

The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

LinYutang posted:

abuela is seriously convinced that litigating this FBI thing for a week is going to work out, huh

She has been attacking Trump over his Russian ties for months, this isn't a new angle of attack

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:46

Lastgirl: Sep 7, 1997; Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

Colonel Corazon posted:

hello scene from my future nightmare

psst

http://www.psp-tv.com/r/NiteCrew

gonna be throwing in halloween yts if you wanna come hang out while this election melts brains

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:46

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment that I'm alive, I pray for death!

Princess Di posted:

I'm kind of into it.

But how would the Gary and Jill supporters feel?

I'd be curious to know, if you can find any.

I'm not actually curious to know

LinYutang posted:

abuela is seriously convinced that litigating this FBI thing for a week is going to work out, huh

It's not something that will blow over on its own, and unlike her opponent she actually knows how to campaign so engaging with the issue (as opposed to just blindly lashing out which spraying poo poo everywhere) might not necessarily be a terrible idea.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:47

brocretin: Nov 15, 2012; yo yo yo i loves virgins

LinYutang posted:

abuela is seriously convinced that litigating this FBI thing for a week is going to work out, huh

whos rereg do y'all think this is anyway

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:47

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# ? May 30, 2024 10:56

Dick Milhous Rock!: Aug 9, 1974

Karl Sharks posted:

okay just gonna go ahead and post this whole thing and make some highlights if you're too lazy because holy gently caress

sorry for long, plenty of bolding cause lol and :nsfw: at parts

# ? Nov 1, 2016 00:47

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

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