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Guys everyone knows wing-chun or whatever is the only martial art worth learning and is objectively better than all other forms of martial arts, you can tell I know this because I took the time to mention the probably untrue fact that I'm trained in it and patted myself on the back for that being badass in the opinion of no one else but myself. Also I didn't get in trouble for being associated with the violence that ensued even though there's not a school in existence where I wouldn't also get in trouble, because all the teachers know I'm trained in wing-chun Also, side-stepping is solely the territory of wing-chun and no other martial art employs this mystic technique, which is why I felt the need to call it a "kung-fu side-step" Sadly I will never get laid
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Nov 8, 2016 00:54
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| # ? May 12, 2024 19:55 |
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Everybody Wing Chun Tonight
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Nov 8, 2016 01:36
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The Kung Fu step sounds like one of those stupid dances kids learn in middle school gym.
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Nov 8, 2016 01:39
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Khazar-khum posted:
shit_that_didnt_happen: Troper Tales: he drove to piss
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Nov 8, 2016 06:54
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tacodaemon posted:shit_that_didnt_happen: Troper Tales: he drove to piss Confound those frenchmen! They drive me to piss!
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Nov 8, 2016 07:14
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Verisimilidude posted:This is the exact scenario everyone I know who practices Kung fu fantasizes about. I can't speak for all martial arts and self-defense training, but the course I took and my friends that do judo all stress that you only fight someone as a last resort, and that it's extremely poor form to show off what you've learned unless you're in a sanctioned competition. Hell, in my self-defense course, our feet didn't even touch the mats before spending two weeks in a classroom having that hammered into our heads along with the importance of situational awareness and threat assessment. Moreover, once you've actually had to resort to violence because you had no other option, you don't want to ever do it again. I love these idiots who think taking a Wang Chung class automatically means you can Jason Bourne the poo poo out of people whenever you please.
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Nov 8, 2016 14:28
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Bruce Lee carried a .357 Magnum and always said that it was the best form of defense against someone who actually meant you harm. Therefore, the best martial art is shooting people.
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Nov 8, 2016 15:24
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life is killing me posted:Guys everyone knows wing-chun or whatever is the only martial art worth learning and is objectively better than all other forms of martial arts, you can tell I know this because I took the time to mention the probably untrue fact that I'm trained in it and patted myself on the back for that being badass in the opinion of no one else but myself. Also I didn't get in trouble for being associated with the violence that ensued even though there's not a school in existence where I wouldn't also get in trouble, because all the teachers know I'm trained in wing-chun This fantastical account managed to both misrepresent karate and wing chun. The only thing that's true is that most karate stances are rather conspicuous, but there's no such thing as a Mega Power Punch, wing chun isn't a form of kung fu, and yeah, sidestepping an attack is a pretty drat universal feature in every martial art. GOTTA STAY FAI posted:I can't speak for all martial arts and self-defense training, but the course I took and my friends that do judo all stress that you only fight someone as a last resort, and that it's extremely poor form to show off what you've learned unless you're in a sanctioned competition. Hell, in my self-defense course, our feet didn't even touch the mats before spending two weeks in a classroom having that hammered into our heads along with the importance of situational awareness and threat assessment. Yeah, this. Also, nice autocorrect. DOJO HALL DAYS!
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Nov 8, 2016 15:25
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so where did the title text come from? rear end eating stdh?
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Nov 8, 2016 15:50
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Tired Moritz posted:so where did the title text come from? rear end eating stdh? It came from a STDH about some kid who was going to get his rear end beat, the troper quoted the guy and some goon posted that he first read it as "I SHOULD EAT YOUR rear end RIGHT NOW" instead of "I SHOULD bEAT YOUR rear end RIGHT NOW" We laughed, we cried, someone somewhere killed themselves, the world kept spinning call center manager posted:This fantastical account managed to both misrepresent karate and wing chun. The only thing that's true is that most karate stances are rather conspicuous, but there's no such thing as a Mega Power Punch, wing chun isn't a form of kung fu, and yeah, sidestepping an attack is a pretty drat universal feature in every martial art. I took karate when I was 7 up to the age of 14, made it to purple belt (or something, could be wrong dates or wrong belt), and I've forgotten all of it. That said, what I DO remember is our sensei telling us all, "Some kid is trying to beat you up at school? Do the bare minimum it takes to get out of his grip and defend yourself. If he won't stop, then throw punches and kicks, but first just defend yourself until a teacher or parent stops the fight." That's obviously paraphrased, but the point is that he didn't want us starting fights or even ending them unless we had to. The class was a full karate class (not one of those YMCA self-defense "karate" classes) where you could get to black belt, etc, but he stressed self-defense more than anything else. Also, knowing any form of martial art to any degree does not mean that you will unequivocally prevail in any fight at any time, nor again is any martial art intrinsically better than any other because of its techniques or the power of its kicks or punches. I cringe when some high school nerd thinks he can now beat up like 3 bullies at once because he knows how to block and do a side kick. life is killing me has a new favorite as of 16:21 on Nov 8, 2016 |
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Nov 8, 2016 16:14
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life is killing me posted:It came from a STDH about some kid who was going to get his rear end beat, the troper quoted the guy and some goon posted that he first read it as "I SHOULD EAT YOUR rear end RIGHT NOW" instead of "I SHOULD bEAT YOUR rear end RIGHT NOW" life is killing me posted:We laughed, we cried, someone somewhere killed themselves, the world kept spinning
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Nov 8, 2016 16:29
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flosofl posted:Pretty sure Einstein was the one that misread it. I didn't remember who it was, but... flosofl posted:I distinctly remember standing and applauding with everyone else. ...it doesn't matter because it WAS funny. Wasn't trying to make it seem like it wasnt
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Nov 8, 2016 16:30
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poo poo, sidestepping an attack is used in fencing and that's a game played on a loving narrow linear piste where you get penalized for stepping off it. Guess I'm a wing chu master and didn't know it.
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Nov 8, 2016 16:49
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chitoryu12 posted:Bruce Lee carried a .357 Magnum and always said that it was the best form of defense against someone who actually meant you harm. Therefore, the best martial art is shooting people. Brandon Lee found out the hard way.
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Nov 8, 2016 17:10
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life is killing me posted:Also, knowing any form of martial art to any degree does not mean that you will unequivocally prevail in any fight at any time, nor again is any martial art intrinsically better than any other because of its techniques or the power of its kicks or punches. I cringe when some high school nerd thinks he can now beat up like 3 bullies at once because he knows how to block and do a side kick. And that's a big part of what makes some of these stories so guddamn funny--these idiots think that a martial arts class will let you Riddick five dudes trying to jump you at once. A self-defense class will help you in that situation, but by teaching you "holy poo poo just give them your wallet." The easiest way to not get injured in a fight is to not get into a fight. Way easier to call the bank and have your debit card shut down and charges reversed than it is to recover from a gunshot wound, being stabbed, or an old-fashioned beatdown.
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Nov 8, 2016 17:24
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flosofl posted:Pretty sure Einstein was the one that misread it. shucks, thanks Very proud that it became the thread title, this is my second favorite recent thread title quote besides the craigslist thread from a few weeks ago, "DON'T U HATE THAT rear end LAIR"
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Nov 8, 2016 17:47
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GOTTA STAY FAI posted:And that's a big part of what makes some of these stories so guddamn funny--these idiots think that a martial arts class will let you Riddick five dudes trying to jump you at once. A self-defense class will help you in that situation, but by teaching you "holy poo poo just give them your wallet." The easiest way to not get injured in a fight is to not get into a fight. Way easier to call the bank and have your debit card shut down and charges reversed than it is to recover from a gunshot wound, being stabbed, or an old-fashioned beatdown. Not to mention, after you get the poo poo stomped out of you for trying to fight back with the 3 weak rear end moves you learned, you're gonna get your poo poo taken anyways. If you're getting mugged, just give them your wallet. Nothing in your wallet is irreplaceable, and if it is, it shouldn't be in your drat wallet in the first place.
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Nov 8, 2016 20:55
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chitoryu12 posted:Bruce Lee carried a .357 Magnum and always said that it was the best form of defense against someone who actually meant you harm. Therefore, the best martial art is shooting people. He actually wanted his character to use a gun in Enter the Dragon. They came up with that dumb "well, no one is allowed to have a gun on the island" bit to explain why he doesn't have one.
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Nov 8, 2016 20:59
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chitoryu12 posted:Bruce Lee carried a .357 Magnum and always said that it was the best form of defense against someone who actually meant you harm. Therefore, the best martial art is shooting people. Yeah, but you have to do it with style. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2KJHysK6k8
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Nov 8, 2016 22:05
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GOTTA STAY FAI posted:And that's a big part of what makes some of these stories so guddamn funny--these idiots think that a martial arts class will let you Riddick five dudes trying to jump you at once. A self-defense class will help you in that situation, but by teaching you "holy poo poo just give them your wallet." The easiest way to not get injured in a fight is to not get into a fight. Way easier to call the bank and have your debit card shut down and charges reversed than it is to recover from a gunshot wound, being stabbed, or an old-fashioned beatdown. Yeah, it strikes me as similar to people who think samurai swords are the ultimate in sword-ery and that they can't be beaten and they're made out of special metal in a special secret way and that they are folded over hundreds of times. In reality they were lovely swords made with not-great metal, and were only folded 4-5 times; as a result, you had to cut just right. A huge misconception is that dudes just clanged samurai swords together, when they'd have broken just as easily as any other sword. But since weeaboos exist, the samurai sword is somehow the ultimate symbol of what a sword should be, so it holds a similar position as actual martial arts in some minds because of daydreaming dudes who'd like to think the 2 moves they learned in YMCA karate class would keep them from getting their asses beat. I'm not saying it's terribly racist or anything, because I could be wrong, but I feel like some of these misconceptions come from the idea that the Asian cultures are somehow wiser as a race and knew/know things that they are keeping secret, when it's actually just peoples' giant obsessions with Asian cultures, martial arts and weapons.
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Nov 8, 2016 22:19
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life is killing me posted:Yeah, it strikes me as similar to people who think samurai swords are the ultimate in sword-ery and that they can't be beaten and they're made out of special metal in a special secret way and that they are folded over hundreds of times. In reality they were lovely swords made with not-great metal, and were only folded 4-5 times; as a result, you had to cut just right. A huge misconception is that dudes just clanged samurai swords together, when they'd have broken just as easily as any other sword. But since weeaboos exist, the samurai sword is somehow the ultimate symbol of what a sword should be, so it holds a similar position as actual martial arts in some minds because of daydreaming dudes who'd like to think the 2 moves they learned in YMCA karate class would keep them from getting their asses beat. I'm not saying it's terribly racist or anything, because I could be wrong, but I feel like some of these misconceptions come from the idea that the Asian cultures are somehow wiser as a race and knew/know things that they are keeping secret, when it's actually just peoples' giant obsessions with Asian cultures, martial arts and weapons. While that's all true, Japan did contribute to this mysticism in its run-up to the fascist era by recasting samurai as the ideal warrior, much like the West romanticised the role of the medieval knight. Clashing swords is a bad idea in pretty much any sword-fighting context that isn't heavily ritualised or purely used for sport purposes. Dorks always ignore the historical context in which certain things originated. For instance, Japanese blades and Aztec bladed weapons made of obisidan were actually extremely sharp and very apt at cutting through layers of texture, but they were useless against steel armour. Conversely, big gently caress-off two-handed swords from medieval Europe gave their wielders a reach advantage and their sheer force could blunt armour or cause serious internal trauma, but they would have been too cumbersome against a nimble, lightly dressed opponent who could respond much faster.
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Nov 9, 2016 00:05
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Swords haven't been used as a primary weapon of war in pretty much any context. They are romanticized because they are what wealthy people would carry around to protect themselves day to day since larger weapons were impractical. Also unlike any weapon primarily made of wood they didn't degrade over time so people passed them down as heirlooms through their families.
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Nov 9, 2016 00:14
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Ultima66 posted:Swords haven't been used as a primary weapon of war in pretty much any context. They are romanticized because they are what wealthy people would carry around to protect themselves day to day since larger weapons were impractical. Also unlike any weapon primarily made of wood they didn't degrade over time so people passed them down as heirlooms through their families. True, samurai especially were primarily archers, and IIRC, the katana was their backup weapon in case they weren't able to avoid fighting at close range (something they actively tried to avoid, actually). Then you've got ninjas, which were actually called shinobi, and nothing about what we think of them today is what they were actually like. If a dude was walking around enemy territory in a black suit and mask, that would've been pretty conspicuous. You don't see spies walking around in special spy suits because they don't want to be recognized. Usually, though, it's not worth telling people they're wrong as they romanticize history, because they don't care and/or can't handle being wrong.
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Nov 9, 2016 00:48
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Ultima66 posted:Swords haven't been used as a primary weapon of war in pretty much any context. That's not strictly true, late Republic and early Imperial Roman armies were built up primarily around troops expected to fight with sword and shield. Various Celtic polities of antiquity loved them some swords as well (probably where Rome copied the idea from). But you're right, it's not particularly common.
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Nov 9, 2016 01:02
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Yes, it's like a lava lamp.
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PittTheElder posted:That's not strictly true, late Republic and early Imperial Roman armies were built up primarily around troops expected to fight with sword and shield. Various Celtic polities of antiquity loved them some swords as well (probably where Rome copied the idea from). But you're right, it's not particularly common. Well, since you brought that up, I'll bring us back to a point made earlier: people didn't simply clang swords together and expect them not to shatter. The sword was for fighting, the shield for blocking the sword since, incidentally, swords didn't turn out to be great defense against other swords.
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Nov 9, 2016 01:10
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Nov 9, 2016 22:32
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Oh, okay
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Nov 9, 2016 22:40
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Uhhh... What am I supposed to be feeling/understanding exactly?
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Nov 9, 2016 23:49
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Furia posted:Uhhh... Disgust/imgur hates women
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Nov 9, 2016 23:56
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And that girlfriend... was Rasputin!
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Nov 9, 2016 23:55
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BobbyK posted:Disgust/imgur hates women Yeah but like what happened? As in mechanically? Is it just supposed to be "haha I murdered my ex and called it a suicide"? Because holy poo poo
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Nov 10, 2016 00:01
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Yeah like, it's sad because my girlfriend committed suicide but wait, no, I just shot her because she left me. Perfect imgur joke, sure it got some upvotes. fp edit: wow send boobs also did you know men are 200 times more likely to commit suicide and succeed than women? Let's raise some awareness people
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Nov 10, 2016 00:05
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BobbyK posted:Yeah like, it's sad because my girlfriend committed suicide but wait, no, I just shot her because she left me. Perfect imgur joke, sure it got some upvotes. It's actually statistically true that men are better and more successful than women at killing themselves.
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Nov 10, 2016 01:01
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Paladinus posted:It's actually statistically true that men are better and more successful than women at killing themselves. that's because men are more likely to shoot themselves and women are more likely to pick something that leaves less matter sprayed all over the place But also that was a bad meme so!!!!
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Nov 10, 2016 02:40
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Nov 10, 2016 05:05
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I've worked in movie theaters and this is pretty plausible, though I sure wouldn't rule out a prank.
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Nov 10, 2016 05:37
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sweeperbravo posted:Poop is really just the absence of not-poop. Not-making GBS threads is the thing that I do when I am not making GBS threads.
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Nov 10, 2016 06:23
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Howard Beale posted:I've worked in movie theaters and this is pretty plausible, though I sure wouldn't rule out a prank. But that's not what repentant prayers look like!
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Nov 10, 2016 06:27
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Is it just me, or has there been a proliferation of 'Asian martial arts'? Some of the names, to be honest, look like they were made up while looking at a menu from Panda Express.
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Nov 10, 2016 09:03
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Yes, some times words from a language look like other words from the same or related languages. I cant believe realising this is poo poo that never happened to you.
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Nov 10, 2016 15:30
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