quote:

I am currently partner to an alcoholic woman. Some background is required I suppose: She grew up in a vastly different background than me, chock full of terrible neglect, mental illness and sexual abuse. I grew up in a relatively stable household aside from an alcoholic bipolar father who, for the most part, was functional and loving. She struggles with OCD and depression and anxiety. This is not to say I don't have my own problems - I readily admit that I have my own mental illness and that I struggle a lot with anxiety and conflict avoidance. I have a few university degrees under my belt, she has her GED. She is a kind, funny, smart person and has several qualities that I find endearing.

I love her. I love her more than I could have ever imagined. I was initially put off by her alcoholism and her mental illness (I do have a history of having partners who are not healthy for me) but I found myself falling more and more from her as time passed. I tried to fight it given what I saw but I was so miserable doing so, it really felt like I was suffocating. Long story short, we have been together for 3 years now.

Overall, I would say that our relationship is volatile a lot of the time. She has been too depressed to work, so she spends the majority of her time sleeping. I work a full time, 40 hours a week job, and come home to make us a meal and to clean. I leave for work at about 8 am and do not stop until about 9 pm at night sometimes. I am very tired a lot and struggle with her addiction issues, as they directly impact my health and wellbeing.

She has tried to go to rehab and it stuck for about 2 months before she relapsed. Since then, her sleep cycle has become increasingly messed up. She is awake all night but sleeps all day, whereas I am awake all day and have to sleep at about 12 am or 1 am to really feel rested the next day and do my job properly. I am essentially supporting us both right now so I view that sleep as extremely important.

My confession is that I am always afraid she is cheating on me with her ex-wife and I am so at a loss to try and figure out what to do.

Their relationship was physically violent and emotionally terrible, I was around for it and watched it from the sidelines. It really did a number on her mental health and she has found it hard to really let it all go. She has this basic sense that she should have the last word or some sort of explanation, and it isn't possible because her ex-wife is a complete prick and won't give her any sort of closure or admit fault. There was a brief moment when we were together that her ex-wife came back around and was messing with her while dating another girl. They had sex and it devastated me, as I have never had someone cheat on me like that. For a while after, there was secretive texting (including some comments about me) and the sending of pictures. I found them because I am not an idiot and called her out on it and she blocked every contact she had with the ex-wife. Her ex eventually backed off and moved away and my partner chose to be with me after sending me long messages about how I was her everything, that I was so caring and loving, etc.

Things were hard for a while. There were repeated instances of her talking to her ex, including one instance where she actually came by. It is a very unhealthy dynamic between them and it really screws up my partner emotionally. She gets very angry or very sad, becomes withdrawn, and sometimes becomes hateful towards me if she is drunk. I didn't trust her and I still struggle with it. I got her to block her ex because it really does gently caress up our relationship when she is involved - if not for my jealousy and worry, then because it screws with my partner deeply emotionally.

But recently with her screwed up sleep schedule and with me working 8 hours a day, I have begun to feel really paranoid. She assures me she hasn't reached out to her, but I can't quite believe it. I wonder what she does all night while I sleep next to her. She is always on her phone or tablet, and sometimes I wake up and she is very snappy at me, wanting me to go back to sleep. When she is drunk it is 10x worse. If she is drunk and takes pills it is 100x worse.

I checked her phone. I shouldn't have, but I also do not police my own phone - I have nothing to hide. I have no code on it. I tell her all the time to check my phone if she really wants to. So I feel unnerved that she has her phone passworded. I recognize that a lot of people have coded phones - it doesn't mean anything - but given our history, I am nervous. It eats at me. It plays on loop inside my brain. So I checked it recently when she was passed out drunk and found that the ex's e-mail addresses are gone. She unblocked her e-mail addresses.

Since then I have been struggling. I feel like I am screaming inside. I have no proof of any wrongdoing, I should just let it go, but the past can repeat itself and with everything going on and the stress of our situation, I worry she is talking to her or has even seen her. Maybe hooked up. If that happened, I would be gone in an instant. But I do love her and it hurts so deeply to think she might be starting up with her ex again after all I have done, after all I have given and worked on and tried for. Why would you choose someone who beat you until bones broke, called you a whore almost every day, lied to you constantly about loving other women.......over an average, normal, somewhat well-adjusted (perhaps not, reading back, lol) woman who wants merely to live and thrive and have a family.

There is no real answer to my problem aside from shut up and trust her, or sever sever sever. But I needed to confess it somewhere, so it is real and out there, otherwise it just constantly rings inside my head.

Thanks.

quote:

I need to keep this confession anonymous to protect the innocent (in my opinion).

My wife is a teacher. She mostly works with very bright kids. I've met a lot of them. They're hard-working, kind and and wickedly smart.

She came home the day after the election and told me about a student who came to her in tears because his parents are here illegally and he's terrified they'll be deported. It broke my heart and I can't talk about it with anyone because I don't want to be the reason something terrible happens to his family.

Thanks for listening, goons.

quote:

If that happened, I would be gone in an instant. But I do love her and it hurts so deeply to think she might be starting up with her ex again after all I have done, after all I have given and worked on and tried for.

Not a Children posted:

You sound miserable. You do not have to live like this.

Marmaduke! posted:

I don't know how someone gets into that situation unless they've decided they're going to do it, because it's an entirely voluntary one.

quote:

I grew up . . . [with] an alcoholic bipolar father

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

cucked by gay wife, the most gbs thing ever

loquacius posted:

cucked by gay wife, the most gbs thing ever

The Management posted:

Pretend I quoted this like 20 times because this is all that matters. Even if your wife isn't cheating, her life is a disaster and it will never improve. You need to admit that to yourself and realize that your life will be awful as long as you are with her.

You may love her, but love alone is not sufficient to sustain a marriage. Marriage is about giving from both sides, and you are the only one giving here. You aren't in a real partnership and it's time you put an end to it.

KomodoWagon posted:

Thanks for reminding us all that Germans are autistic garbage people with no sense of humor. How real human beings growing up in that loving god-awful country don't kill themselves before reaching adulthood is beyond me. For real, every time I'm with people and there's a German there, the German will, without exception, take offense to someone's super tame joke and make a giant stink about it. Bonus points for when you're with a bunch of your old friends with whom you've always sworn like sailors and someone brings their "cool new friend, he's from Germany" and within ten minutes the loving kraut angrily demands you all clean up your language.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

This isn't accurate for pretty much every German I have met over here. I guess they don't curse a lot in comparison but the only time I've ever seen a German get offended and put a stop to a conversation is when someone asks them about Hitler/nazis.

Hopper posted:

quote:

I live in my parents basement. I jerk off regularly and when I do I wipe myself clean with a cum towel. I'll use the same one for about a week then throw it in the laundry. I've probably wiped my jizz up with every towel in the house by now but that's not the confession. Sometimes I'll toss the towel on the floor in the bathroom downstairs. A couple of times my sister has unknowingly used it to dry off with, while its still covered in my dry cum. To be honest I only find it a little gross and don't feel too bad about it. Oh well, poo poo happens. What she doesn't know wont hurt her.

quote:

Been married for 4 years now.

First few years were great. Wife was still finishing college, so I got to be the breadwinner. I'm a very traditional guy and this is important to me. She cooked and cleaned, I'd come home from work to a hot meal and a clean house, usually had sex, it was everything I dreamt of.

Then she finished college and started job hunting. House was a little messier, quality of food dropped a bit too. But I was understanding.

She started her new job yesterday and I hate it. I got home about 2 hours before her and was starving, so I just ate chips. She got home around 6 pm and started talking about work, meanwhile I finished a whole big bag of Lay's and was still hungry. She talked for nearly 20 minutes before I finally had to cut her off, tell her how hungry I was, and ask her to make us some food.

Food was okay, I guess. But then we sat on the couch watching TV and she didn't run the vacuum or mop or anything, which she usually does every Monday while I'm at work. I'm I'm watching football with her and my eye starts twitching because of the mess, and she ends up just falling asleep on the couch anyway.

Now normally I'll just do a quick in-and-out to help me fall asleep, but I was so angry at her I couldn't even get it up to put it in her. So I wake her up, tell her to just go up to bed if she's so tired, and head up myself after the game.

I am now thinking it's time to divorce my wife, since it's ALREADY a disaster and she's only one day in to her job. This morning I told her I think she should quit, but she told me this job was for her and that the college degree was for this reason.

I am also not super thrilled about the fact that she makes more money than me, but it does let me keep up with my hobbies a bit more, so it's not all bad. I asked her if she could buy me a new rabbit hutch with her next paycheck (I like to raise rabbits and sell them for a profit) and she said she would.

So I don't know - am I overreacting? Is the extra income worth the messy house and my wife being much more inconsiderate??

limp_cheese posted:

I was more weirded out that he was so upset with his wife he couldn't get it up to gently caress her while she is asleep. Is it normal for married couples to have a tacit understanding that if the woman is asleep and the guy is horny he can do whatever he wants?

yeah I eat rear end posted:

If you want someone to do nothing but cook, clean and let you put your dick in them hire a bangmaid

loquacius posted:

Is this a thing? asking for a friend

Solice Kirsk posted:

There's women out there that want to be in a "traditional" household where they are the homemaker and the husband works so get a divorce and go out and find one. The funny thing about that is because of the stagnation of wages and the nearing death of the true middle class one person earning a normal income is not enough to sustain a family with children.

Serge Painsbourg posted:

The moral of this story is to never have children. Ever.

Serge Painsbourg posted:

That, plus producing children increases resource consumption. Since we're heading toward a global climate crisis, it's probably not a good idea to have children.

KomodoWagon posted:

Why didn't you just say "a town in MA"

Solice Kirsk posted:

True that. Having a kid on an average income now means you will probably never retire. We're a generation that will have to work well into our 80's while all the Baby Boomers have been retired for like 40 years due to advances in health care. Plotting for the possibility of there being no social security for people in their 30's now is an actual thing to be considered.