Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Hardawn: Mar 15, 2004; Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates; College Slice

cock hero flux posted:

become corey's best friend and then confess to him so you can have a heartfelt hug it out moment where he forgives you

he may also murder you

"Thanks, me telling you this secret has been super cathartic for me*

*Gets stabbed in eye*

# ? Dec 10, 2016 05:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 06:57

necroid: May 14, 2009

you irl posted:

plant some drugs in his janitor cart for old times sake

lol

# ? Dec 10, 2016 05:20

Unbelievably Fat Man: Jun 1, 2000; Innocent people. I could never hurt innocent people.

cock hero flux posted:

become corey's best friend and then confess to him so you can have a heartfelt hug it out moment where he forgives you

he may also murder you

Suck him off first. You'll probably make it thru ok.

# ? Dec 10, 2016 06:14

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Hardawn posted:

"Thanks, me telling you this secret has been super cathartic for me*

*Gets stabbed in eye*

Finally an excuse to get an eyepatch and all the pussy that comes with it

# ? Dec 10, 2016 06:19

N. Senada: May 17, 2011; My kidneys are busted

Man, seems pretty dumb to think the guys you were selling weed to would be taken super seriously by the authority. Also seems dumb to tell them why you didn't have the weed.

Live and learn tho, I guess. Unless you're Corey

# ? Dec 10, 2016 10:06

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

you irl posted:

"incel" goon: lol if you're a woman and can't get sexual attention - like just take off your clothes! have you ever seen the people on chaturbate? 2000 goons jerking off and praising some misshapen eastern european mom

nothing wrong with misshapen eastern european mums

# ? Dec 10, 2016 10:15

Devila: May 1, 2016

loquacius posted:

You could say the same thing about male incels, though. Easier to just say "they're all bad and the disease is inside them"

yeah, sure, but i'd rather not presume to understand how men think.

# ? Dec 10, 2016 11:19

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Corey sounds like a gently caress-up, don't feel bad

# ? Dec 10, 2016 15:25

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

Like basically everyone else, the "little pissbitch/get beefy bitch" confession legit cracked me up forever.

And also like many other confessors, I started experiencing surprising success by repeating my own words of power. Nothing like daughter of pissbitch, where it turned into a complex, but it has helped me immensely in getting over basically lifelong social anxiety and regret.

For years I wanted to collapse into a personal black hole whenever I remembered anything embarrassing I did in a social situation. Being so hyperaware of my goofiness made me even goofier and more nervous in future interactions. I really hated myself for the longest time. But recently I started to repeat the GBS catchphrase "suck my drat balls" in my head or aloud during these private recollections, as if I was speaking to the memories themselves. There was something magic about the aggressive dismissiveness of it - the ultimate declaration of just not loving caring. I started realizing that a lot of my social fuckups weren't really that bad and I was just applying a lot of undue significance to them. It's helped me relax and realize that just about everyone has some personal awkwardness and it's not necessarily a fault.

I'm having a lot more fun coming out of my shell and interacting with people in a much less rigid way. And it's all thanks to this thread and a dumb catchphrase from a forum I never post in and barely read.

quote:

I grew up idolizing the female body. This was the mid-90s, the era of Baywatch babes, Playboy playmates, rock hard massive fake tits, and eating disorders and drugs helping sculpt women into beautiful forms.

No great surprise that I got interested in fitness and nutrition then. Now I work as a PT at a branch of a chain gym in a very nice (read: rich) neighborhood.

Now for my confessions. Note that I mentioned nothing about going to school for PT. Cuz I didn't. I failed out of college and got my degree at one of those online diploma mills. All I know about fitness and nutrition I've learned online, most of my workouts are directly from youtube tutorials. I add my own spin of course - typically stretching or bending. I'm a fan of the Ahegao face and try to get women to replicate that as best I can without it being too obvious. Usually a really good strenuous workout with some stretching gets that perfect embarassed/happy/mentally broken face I love so much.

My second confession is that I only do this to be closer to the female form. It's not really a sex thing. If anything, I'd classify myself as asexual. I'm not attracted to the female brain or soul, just the body. I have never pursued a relationship (physical or otherwise) with a living woman, but have had several fulfilling relationships with realdolls and, before I had the money for that, a mannequin. And before the goonmind descends and calls me a freak - it's all consensual, I get myself checked at an STD clinic so I don't infect my new dolls, and I make sure to treat them better than most guys treat their significant others. How many of you massage your wife's feet before bed every night? How many of you make sure she cums first every single time? My dolls are always treated well.

I have had a few close calls. Taught a few yoga classes and caught myself staring at all the feet. So I had to stop those for my own safety. I've also made women lift their legs up over their head while laying on their backs. This, coupled with bare feet, is a pretty enticing view of the female form. Someone talked with me after class and asked if there was any real benefit to that. I said it helped digestion and circulation. It is amazing how close these women let me get under the assumption I'm a professional who knows what he's doing. Every night I thank God for this blessing.

no see sex dolls aren't weird, because i am very nice to the sex dolls and that makes it not weird

# ? Dec 10, 2016 18:28

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

It's not sexual though, he's only attracted to their bodies

# ? Dec 10, 2016 18:50

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

loquacius posted:

Honestly if you were literally raped as a result of this you've probably suffered enough

jon pop gettin weirder with his highschool gangrape fantasies

# ? Dec 10, 2016 19:00

Marmaduke!: May 19, 2009; Why would it do that!?

A dozen goons are frantically putting together their replies to yet another obviously-fake confession right now.

# ? Dec 10, 2016 19:02

Shifty gimbal: Dec 28, 2008; Hey you... I got something to tell ya; Biscuit Hider

Take out the doll stuff and asexual stuff and there's nothing too weird there. Also this is the first time that i hear about an iago face or whatever.

# ? Dec 10, 2016 19:22

icecastle: Jun 9, 2008

wrong thread

icecastle fucked around with this message at 19:25 on Dec 10, 2016

# ? Dec 10, 2016 19:23

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

whats the iago face

# ? Dec 10, 2016 19:42

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I did an image search when I posted the confession, it's just basically "feeling such intense pleasure that you make a really stupid face", that honestly sums it up

Eyes rolled back, tongue hanging out. It's super cartoony and having a fetish for it really demonstrates how much of your sexual experience involves watching sex cartoons. It's roughly equivalent to having a fetish for when people's eyes pop out of their head and their tongue and jaw hit the floor with an "aooga" noise

# ? Dec 10, 2016 19:47

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

"I consider myself asexual also here are the deetz on my foot fetish, anime fetish and how I gently caress and cum in rubber dolls. Nothing sexual about that."

# ? Dec 10, 2016 20:08

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Gimbal lock posted:

Take out the doll stuff and asexual stuff and there's nothing too weird there. Also this is the first time that i hear about an iago face or whatever.

Surprise! It's a hentai thing.

https://www.google.com/search?q=ahe...RGEA9YQ_AUIBygB

# ? Dec 10, 2016 20:23

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

two excellent confessions, top notch weirdness

# ? Dec 10, 2016 20:48

you irl: Jan 22, 2014

# ? Dec 10, 2016 21:10

Fucked-Up Little Dog: Aug 26, 2008; Posting live from the nightmare future of Web 3.0; Scratchmo

My confession is that I feel sadder for knowing that the whatever face is a thing and I wish I hadn't just learned that.

# ? Dec 10, 2016 21:13

Audax: Dec 1, 2005; "LOL U GOT OWNED"

I've never really had nudes of myself leaked out on the internet but when I was 12 and we got internet for the first time I got an internet girlfriend. I thought it was fun and all of my friends were doing it - going to AOL chatrooms and doing the whole a/s/l thing. I remembered the person's username a few years down the road and looked them up - it ended up being some 45 year old plumber from the Northeast.

So some pedophile probably tried to get me to do things on the internet or their kid was messing around.

See we're all normal here.

# ? Dec 10, 2016 21:18

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

so the iago face is basically every avatar in ADTRW

# ? Dec 10, 2016 21:24

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

More proof anime is for losers

# ? Dec 10, 2016 21:46

guns for tits: Dec 25, 2014

Hey social butterfly goon, you should start telling people to "dunk a dill pickle, realdo."

# ? Dec 10, 2016 22:40

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

Poor Corey. I really feel for him; that was absolutely lovely for you to do to him.

# ? Dec 10, 2016 23:28

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

It's Pee Saturday :toot:

quote:

I manage the valet parking at a pretty posh hotel. Sometimes, I get to drive a lot of really nice cars. But I've never taken one for a joyride. Manager doesn't mean poo poo. Sure, I make a lot more than the attendants. That's about it. I'm responsible if something fucks up. That happens sometimes. I've fired and hired people.

One night I was parking a car on the top level of our garage. We'd never park cars up there unless our lot is completely full - bird poo poo, rain, dust from nearby construction - all can make the customers a little less than happy. I'm parking this car on the top level and I have to piss bad. I get out of the car, cold rain hits me, and Y start pissing over the edge into the pouring rain. Then it occurred to me that I was getting piss on people who were running around below. Most of them had umbrellas, some didn't. 100 feet up and pissing on people in the rain.

Every time it rains I try to get up there and piss on people. Unlike some of the weirdos in this thread, I do not put my piss in a container, but now, I just might do that. I really hate life and wish that death would find me and just end my miserable lovely existence. My ex whore of a girlfriend left me for this guy who is literally the dumbest gently caress I've ever met. When she told me it was over between us, I just told the dude "thanks for doing me a favor". I live with a disabled mom who is loving crazy. It's like having two jobs. She moved in with me, for the record. My sister couldn't handle her. I steal most of her valium. She doesn't miss it and I loving need it from time to time it or I'll throw more than piss off that garage roof when I finally loving snap.

I'd like to think that someday someone gets my piss in their mouth and they know what it is. Look up here, you scum, you whores, look into the sky, I'm pissing on you. gently caress YOU.

put your mom in a home and use some of the time you gain to :therapy:

quote:

so many people with piss related hang-ups, I wonder why.

I'm a shy pisser and usually if I'm in the company of other people partying outside in parks or pee-everywhere areas I have to move away from the group to relieve myself because I just know that I'll start thinking "what if there's someone near me oh poo poo now I can't piss". It's not something I do out of respect of other people, my dick just shuts down if I feel the presence of another human being near me.

Even if I'm in a bathroom in a partitioned stall and I hear someone else get in the bathroom my dick will freeze. Even if I'm in the male room and I hear someone entering the separate female room. I loving hate this when I'm out drinking and I go to the toilet to pee because I'm full of beers and cocktails and then somehow I can't pee anymore and I have to keep it in and drink more until I'm ready to spray everywhere no matter who's near.

I guess my mind reacted to this issue by doing a 180� and ensuring that I can pee pretty easily if I just picture myself peeing all over someone's face. It's not a sexual thing, I don't get hard from it luckily, otherwise the boner would be just one more piss problem.

And yet it all started because of this tomboyish lesbian girl at work who I fantasized about a bit because I liked her even though she wasn't beautiful by most standards. So a few weeks into daydreaming about her heavy tits and cute love handles, whenever I had to pee real quick I found myself picturing me splashing all over her face while she knelt down in the stall mouth open and loving every second of it. And it worked!

Now at work I do it with whoever comes to mind (as of now it's been only girls) to ensure I can get it done fast and furious.

I can pee just fine at home and I don't need to picture piss victims, but if I'm somewhere where I might have issues peeing she's still my first choice as piss-aid.

cheers

I keep saying this, but shy bladders are an anxiety thing and it doesn't matter what you're thinking about when you piss as long as it's not "oh god I'm not pissing what's happening this is so embarrassing my bladder is broken and everyone can tell". You can think about pissing on your friends or think about TV shows or think about the ahegao face, as long as it gets your mind off your anxiety you'll be okay.

also: "pee-everywhere areas" :confused:

# ? Dec 10, 2016 23:32

Harakiri Potter: Oct 18, 2004; REACH HEAVEN THROUGH VIOLENCE BABY

There's a lot of piss in this thread.

# ? Dec 11, 2016 00:05

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

That second goon should really let the tomboy lesbian know how he feels! What a hilarious story to tell their adopted children~
The first goon...just seems like he's relieving stress in a (non)healthy way. That's just gross dude. Unless you pee clear; that means you are hydrated and are peeing mostly water. Then you are just one more angel pissing on everyone from the heavens above.
I hope I get a lot of :yikes:

from what I'm saying but pee is totally normal. Everyone pees. When I was like 8 years old I would have no problem peeing in public bathrooms because a friend of mine told me that abovementioned 'clear pee means you are hydrated' so whenever I needed to pee I would always check if its clear. If not then I just need to drink more water.

# ? Dec 11, 2016 00:06

it dont matter: Aug 29, 2008

I'm not some weirdo who pisses into a container. Like all normal people I only urinate off the top floor of a car park onto anyone unfortunate enough to be walking below.

# ? Dec 11, 2016 02:49

you irl: Jan 22, 2014

is it HIS mom or is it an unloved girlfriend who is a mom? learn to write, piss goon

# ? Dec 11, 2016 03:46

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

loquacius posted:

put your mom in a home and use some of the time you gain to

putting people in homes isn't viable advice, at least not anymore

it can cost $12,000 a month to put someone in an care facility and fat chance of getting insurance to cover it

# ? Dec 11, 2016 06:52

SSJ_naruto_2003: Oct 12, 2012

Otoh my grandmother is in a decent home and her insurance covers all of it that her SS check doesn't cover.

Try getting a doctor to say her best bet is in a home

# ? Dec 11, 2016 08:24

MeccaPrime: May 11, 2010

Putty posted:

whats the iago face

it's this which consequently is also my fetish

:nws:

http://i.imgur.com/P6SBRua.jpg :nws:

# ? Dec 11, 2016 11:20

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

MeccaPrime posted:

it's this which consequently is also my fetish

http://i.imgur.com/P6SBRua.jpg

Son of a BICTH

# ? Dec 11, 2016 18:52

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I can't stand talking to other people. I've always been antisocial but it keeps getting worse and worse. I don't even talk to people online anymore. I can't take it, exchanging even a couple of words with someone puts me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I've gone outside once in the past 5 months unless you count taking my trash to the curb at 3am. I order my groceries online and they just put them at the door and leave.

I haven't spoken to another human being in person for 2 months. I haven't posted for 3 weeks.

I don't miss it. I'm fine with not talking to other people, I prefer it. But I feel like I'm losing my ability to communicate at all. The thought of going out and talking to people is becoming more and more frightening to me. I've got it set up now that I don't need to, but that won't last forever.

how do you get money :confused:

quote:

IN the wake of a couple incest-related confessions, I got one. Sorta. After reading the step-sister fucker confession, I jerked it to a porn of Allie Rae loving her "stepbrother". My thoughts

1) Allie Rae is very pretty and has great tits
2) The dude she was loving had a yuuuge dick and I wish I had a dick that big
3) Why do I like this stuff? It it because I am an only child? I dunno

I also have a cousin who is pretty hot. For better or worse, we're not that close. I was at her wedding last year and before that, I'm pretty sure the last time I saw her was, like, 2006. And I'm like whoa, she's gorgeous. But she's my cousin. And it will probably be like 2022 before I see her again. So, *shrugs*

I'm also a huge dork that will fall madly in love with the first woman that will touch my genitals

bonus short one

quote:

I had sex for the first time this year. I'm a dude, she was gay, and a stranger. None of my friends believe me. We met at a party and I seduced her by quoting the SImpsons episode 'Much Apu about Nothing'.

yeah I'm with your friends on this one

# ? Dec 11, 2016 18:57