Coward posted:

Stryder posted:

HORSE IN A HOLE!

BLACK AS YOUR SOUL!

I'D RATHER DIE THAN GIVE YOU A FOAL!

Ruddha posted:

I don't know about anyone else, but I know for a fact that horses are stupider than poo poo and WILL kill themselves if you don't take an absurd amount of precautions and adorn them in the right silly accessories so that they don't scare themselves and fall over dead, and even then at best you can reduce the chances that they will do that, but they're still absolutely going to. Women who are obsessed with horses are just as bad as ones who are obsessed with anything else, but it may be dumber because it's a placeholder for animalistic male sexuality; however, in reality, it doesn't hold up because dominant male sexual energy is incompatible with horse personality and tendencies because, again, they're absolutely going to kill themselves by accident, whereas studs and straight power tops are highly unlikely to catch their reflection in a mirror then break their leg and get eaten by a mountain lioness

quote:

That horse mocks you. Do you hear the neighing? More like naying! That horse says no to you. The horse is the man of the house. You are the horse. Clop clop! Trot about to your dingy office, little horsey. Your wife kisses her husband-horse when you can't see. And then again when you can. She buys it shoes, finer than any you'll own. Its metal feet crush your soul. "This horse is now man!" it exclaims. "I am defeated!" you cry. The horse has beat you. Soon you'll be in the stall, eating dry, bland grasses, while the majestic Horseband ferries your wife about town. "Oh!" the city folk shall say as they drop to their knees as their muscles fail them at the sight of such a couple. "The horse is such a man!" they weep as they tear out their eyes, knowing they'll never see such beauty again. Your wife and the HorseGod shall laugh and eat gold together. Ha ha! And your tears shall be blood as you shrivel and turn to dust, forgotten in that stall outside the city where the HORSE is now Emperor Of All and Lover Of One. The citizens will genuflect before the great beast, paying whatever tithe the Hoofed One demands, be it of coin or flesh. The people will rejoice to do so, as their Great and Benevolent Equine shall make their crops plenty, and their lives ever long. The rotten stall shall collapse on your worm-eaten bones, and none shall remember a whit about you. Except the UrHorse, the original horse, who shall shed no tear, but blink in bitter recollection of that brief time he had to endure you.

Do not let this come to be. Shoot that horse. With your Glock. Eat its meat. Make a horse stew. Turn its bones into glue, and use it to glue the skull to your wall. Use its hooves to make a tasteless gelatin to encase its eyes in. Do it. Be the man of the house, not the man of the horse. He watches!

dpack_1 posted:

Wait what? That doesn't rhyme at all. How are you pronouncing .gif?

chernobyl kinsman posted:

....how are you pronouncing .gif?

Tatum Girlparts posted:

it feels like every gif slapfight ends in a weird mexican standoff of 'you tell ME how YOU say it...'

trapped mouse posted:

trapped mouse posted:

gentle pete posted:

I know it seems like a callous thing to say, but you're not responsible for her behaviour. You should read this - I found it really helpful when I was in a similar situationNear constant flatulence that has a smell so powerful to me that I risk cumming on particularly strong farts. In addition I can't hold them back for more than 10 minutes at most; if I try then it'll practically explode out my rear end, soil my pants a bit, and of course make me cream them like I was edging for a whole day.

The thing is, it becomes oddly easier to hold it if I somehow manage to keep them contained past that threshold point (I.e. industrial butt plugs) but if they're held in for over an hour I can't fart for a week. Instead, my cock farts instead of cumming (but the cum is still built up in my balls) and my body odor becomes my farts. My breath is of course foul to everyone but me. The result is if I hold it in too long, I become a perpetually aroused, sporadically ejaculating filth hound.

gentle pete posted:

Uh, whoops. I copypasted the wrong thing. Looks like I can't edit my post.... I meant to link this. http://www.heartspiritmind.com/relationships/codependency/

Thermos H Christ posted:

Evfedu posted:

Somebody post the insane Ur-Horse screed.

Thermos H Christ posted:

cock hero flux posted:

This is still definitely the funniest posting gently caress up ever.

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Nope, that guy who accidentally posted his fitness log in the ladies thread during an abortion discussion.

Thermos H Christ posted:

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

It was only a gif
How did it end up like this

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Nope, that guy who accidentally posted his fitness log in the ladies thread during an abortion discussion.

cock hero flux posted:

This is still definitely the funniest posting gently caress up ever.

Mega64 posted:

Current event threads make my head hurt and it's a pain to moderate them because everyone is super-passionate about their dumb opinions, but obviously I don't want to simply gas the thread. Let's try this instead.

EVERY POST FROM HERE ON OUT MUST START WITH "My dear friends," OR YOU WILL BE PROBATED.

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

Even if by "gently caress up" you mean "obvious fakepost by a lovely gimmick poster" you're still wrong

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Nope, that guy who accidentally posted his fitness log in the ladies thread during an abortion discussion.

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Nope, that guy who accidentally posted his fitness log in the ladies thread during an abortion discussion.

The_end posted:

Dating an ex is like attempting to put a turd back into your rear end in a top hat.

Cling-Wrap Condom posted:

hate that feeling when you're about to get that boy back in there and then your cat startles you and you clench, severing your beautiful son in two with the deadly steel iris of your sphincter

Bobnumerotres posted:

when i was a kid i got a fever so high i started hallucinating slightly, i had the SNES mario all stars, was playing 2 and in the haze i discovered the warp jar for the first time and i thought i had become completely unhinged and started screaming for my mom to take me to the hospital

Mr. Bad Guy posted:

Guys I have a serious question and would like a serious answer. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings here on the somethingawful.com forums. Here's the situation: I, a heterosexual male, do a really good job as an independent contractor. So good a job in fact that the female manager of the company I'm contracting for, who had previous been openly hostile to me, starts making sexual advances on me. I find out later that the manager is in fact a man with a penis who is, I don't know, pretending to be a woman for his own reasons, maybe he identifies as a woman, I don't know, it's not adequately communicated to me what his/her deal is, and it's not really important to me, as a heretosexual man. All I'm concerned about is that this person that I thought was a sexy lady actually has a dick, and I'm not attracted to men, and I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of a man being sexually attracted to me, as I'm sure a homosexual man might be uncomfortable with the idea of having sex with a woman?

Anyways my question is, why am I getting hated on for having a negative reaction to what I'm pretty sure could be argued is rape. Misrepresenting the circumstances of a sexual encounter for your benefit because you know the other party would not otherwise consent is rape, right? Anyways, if someone could explain why I'm the bad guy here, I'd appreciate it.

Alrighty then.

BROCK LESBIAN posted:

Sir, this is a McDonald's drive-thru.

someone awful. posted:

[quote=" I also can't talk to my doctor about it since it's the same doctor I've had since I was a kid and he's real tight with my parents and family, and I know that if I mentioned anything to him about any struggles I have he'll mention it to my parents and that'll make it into a whole thing. And before anyone says "get a new doctor" it'll become a whole thing if I try to do that and create more problems than it'll solve, so that option's out as well."] are you sure this will happen? that's actually super loving illegal for your doctor to do (assuming you're in America but I assume other countries have patient confidentiality laws too?)

someone awful. posted:

i hosed up the quote tag

apropos to nothing posted:

*SA poster carefully weighing both sides of the argument* hmm my people have been subject to countless indecencies, pogroms, and victim to the most foul and debased excesses of human greed and savagery over our long and tragic history. on the other hand this video game costs way too much money and as I understand it, the creator is married to this woman

Henchman of Santa posted:

Things that happened.