Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

My dad rented "Paranormal Activity" when it first came to DVD and we watched it together. I had never heard of it, and not being a big movie buff, had never seen any "found footage" films. I was also 13 at the time and thought it was a true documentary. I was scared shitless for days, and my dad did not makes thing better by later claiming that he rented the movie because he was experiencing similar things in our house and wanted advice on what to do.

One night he left talcum powder on the floor like in the movie, and while I slept he used an old baby doll my sister had as a kid to leave tiny footprints outside my room. I was terrified in the morning and my dad kept saying he heard skittering but thought it was just mice.

This continued for about 3 weeks and my dad eventually got 4 of his bowling league friends to dress in all black and hide in the house. When I got up to go pee they popped out of rooms and chased me outside. I pissed myself and ran all the way down the street in my underwear.

I see a little bit of the humor now but mostly I think my dad was an rear end in a top hat and I understand now why my mom left him after that.

quote:

I'm a gay male. About a year ago, I started barebacking.

I had recently broken up with my ex-boyfriend and was going through a really tough time emotionally. One day I thought to myself I really didn't care any more about my health, and joined a website specifically for men to find other men to bareback with. In the course of a month I had slept with about 20 men. Within 6 months I'd probably slept with 60 or 70. I've gone from using condoms 100% of the time to maybe using them three or four times in the last year.

I've had chlamydia and/or gonorrhea 5 times in the last year. I have never been tested for HIV, because while I'm 99% sure I'm probably poz by now, the idea of having to disclose my status and get stigmatized outweighs the fact that I am probably going to be dead from AIDS within the next 5 years.

Every time I tell myself I'm going to stop barebacking, I keep doing it again. I'm filling my emotional voids with dirty, risky sex. On one hand I know I need to stop, but on the other hand I just don't care anymore.

oh no stigma, dude you are probably killing people, get over it

# ? Dec 30, 2016 04:56

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# ? May 10, 2024 06:05

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

HIV is no longer a death sentence (assuming you can afford the meds and/or live in a first world country). Look at Magic Johnson.

And wear a condom

# ? Dec 30, 2016 05:00

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

I think you should let yourself die on principal sexually irresponsible aids goon.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 05:40

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

alpaca diseases posted:

I think this would be what the entirety of the 2 non-cracker barrel days are reserved for

I know I would poo poo for two days after 35 thousand calories for breakfast alone
I can just Imagine his weight fluctation due to his 10 lb turds

# ? Dec 30, 2016 05:41

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Enola Gay-For-Pay posted:

Worth it just for the line "I'm kind of a big deal at Cracker Barrel"

I'm partial to 'When I asked for bacon grease they said they couldn't "in good conscience" serve that.'

Funny, but almost the least believable part. If cracker barrel had anything resembling a conscience about their role in hastening the deaths of millions then it wouldn't exist. They'd probably sell you the used oil from the fryer and a 64oz cup to slurp it out of

# ? Dec 30, 2016 06:04

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

loquacius posted:

oh no stigma, dude you are probably killing people, get over it

Like dudes finding random guys to bareback don't know what they're getting.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 06:15

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Hey AIDS goon- I've never died of AIDS but I hear it is a ridiculously harrowing, horrible experience that no amount of dirty, risky sex could ever make up for, so either stop and get therapy/medication or prepare to die a terrible death you loving moron.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 15:34

subhuman filth: Nov 1, 2006

Keep doing it; condoms are bullshit and AIDS is a myth

# ? Dec 30, 2016 15:59

Warm und Fuzzy: Jun 20, 2006

loquacius posted:

This continued for about 3 weeks and my dad eventually got 4 of his bowling league friends to dress in all black and hide in the house. When I got up to go pee they popped out of rooms and chased me outside. I pissed myself and ran all the way down the street in my underwear.

5 adult men playing a practical joke on a 13 year old is the pranking equivalent of a child sex ring.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 16:21

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

That's a really gross comparison that doesn't really add anything

# ? Dec 30, 2016 16:44

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Hey AIDS goon- I've never died of AIDS but I hear it is a ridiculously harrowing, horrible experience that no amount of dirty, risky sex could ever make up for, so either stop and get therapy/medication or prepare to die a terrible death you loving moron.

What if the sex is real good tho
what if

# ? Dec 30, 2016 17:03

Return Of JimmyJars: Jun 24, 2006; by FactsAreUseless

McGavin posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM MY rear end INTO CRACKER BARREL FOR A NICE SIT DOWN BREAKFAST. ITS CHICKEN FRIED STEAK, 2 SIDES OF HASH BROWNS, 3 PIECES OF CORNBREAD, 4 SLICES OF TURKEY BACON, AND A DR. PEPPER. I EAT EVERY MORSEL AND I ENJOY EVERY BITE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME CORNBREAD INTO MY CUP OF BACON GREASE FOR DIPPING. NOT MANY KNOW WHY TRUMP WON AND MAKE JOKES ABOUT HIM BEING A BAD PRESIDENT. HE WON BECAUSE THE WHITE MALE IS MARGINALIZED AND MADE TO LOOK THE FOOL, WHILE EVERYBODY ELSE GETS TO RUN AROUND FREE OF ALL CONSEQUENCES. I HAVE TWEETED THIS TO MR. TRUMP AND HOPE TO GOD HE CRASHES THEIR STOCK LIKE HE DID ALL THOSE OTHER CROOKED COMPANIES. 1 HOUR TO CHILL OUT AND RELAX EVERY MORNIng

# ? Dec 30, 2016 17:13

Pelvic Floor Wax: Jul 21, 2007

quote:

I'm a gay male. About a year ago, I started barebacking.

I had recently broken up with my ex-boyfriend and was going through a really tough time emotionally. One day I thought to myself I really didn't care any more about my health, and joined a website specifically for men to find other men to bareback with. In the course of a month I had slept with about 20 men. Within 6 months I'd probably slept with 60 or 70. I've gone from using condoms 100% of the time to maybe using them three or four times in the last year.

I've had chlamydia and/or gonorrhea 5 times in the last year. I have never been tested for HIV, because while I'm 99% sure I'm probably poz by now, the idea of having to disclose my status and get stigmatized outweighs the fact that I am probably going to be dead from AIDS within the next 5 years.

Every time I tell myself I'm going to stop barebacking, I keep doing it again. I'm filling my emotional voids with dirty, risky sex. On one hand I know I need to stop, but on the other hand I just don't care anymore.

At the very least, get on Truvada, fuckhead.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 20:59

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

The reindeer suit guy wrote back, and surprise surprise strong religious convictions are in play

quote:

I had looked at a small amount of furry porn online, but it was all just experimental when I was going through puberty. I also looked at a lot of bondage stuff, weird hentai stuff, etc and it was just because I was so dumb and horny I'd probably get off to a stick figure drawing with boobs. I'm 19 now and still discovering a lot, but I'm beyond that and felt pretty comfortable with what I liked before the play happened.

My girlfriend is VERY religious, as is her mother, step father, and her biological father. Her biological father and her mother are on okay terms, and both are very involved in their daughter's life. Her older sister recently moved in with her boyfriend and THAT caused some small arguments in the family since they were moving in without being married. I cannot imagine the furor that would come from me admitting what I did.

Also compounding things is that my girlfriend and I are both virgins, although I have more experience than her. I am her first real boyfriend, although she's gone on dates before. I dated a lot on high school but never went beyond 3rd base. Now I'm starting to think I just wasn't comfortable with myself enough to express myself that way yet.

I am writing this email right now as I sit in my bed at home dressed in the reindeer costume. My parents are at work and I'm an only sibling, and I don't go back to college until the new year. I finally feel happy with myself and before anyone says it, no I am not gay. I had that thought too but then my girlfriend kissed me after the play and that cleared things up pretty cleanly.

I would seriously appreciate advice from people who have had a major revelation like this. I love my girlfriend but I also realize that this is more important to me in the long run, so she either has to accept it or we have to split up. I am worried about her family finding out and the church elders thinking I'm a freak and either banning me or making me feel ashamed of who I am.

quote:

I was bullied severely in high school by a kid named James <common name but still edited out - loq>. He beat me up, beat up my friends so they'd stop being my friends, and spread rumors that I was stealing girl's underwear and jerked off in class which further alienated me.

I stood up to him once and fought back; he just beat the poo poo out of me even worse, tossed me in a garbage can, and enjoyed a 2 week vacation from school for it. When he came back from suspension he started doubling down on bullying and things got even worse.

He completely ruined my social life in school, from freshman year to junior year. He graduated a year before me, so I was free of his torment senior year, but the scars stayed with me and the rumors dogged me until the day I graduated. He stole 4 years of my life, and even more because I still have self-confidence issues because of this.

During Thanksgiving break of my freshman college year I came back home and was stopping at the grocery store for a few things. James, unknown to me, was working there at the deli counter. He called me a fag as I walked past, then mimicked oral sex with a sausage link and threw it at me. I just kept walking ignoring him, and he started walking up behind me tapping my shoulder really hard. I turned around and he slapped my chest, called me a fag again, then told me if I ever came in that grocery store again he would gently caress my poo poo up.

I was almost crying, which made me angry, and I left the grocery store without my stuff. I felt ashamed of myself, composed myself in the parking lot, and walked back in. I challenged James to a fight after the store closed, and he started laughing and agreed to it.

I realize now that James was in a pretty lovely position in life - working a deli counter when most of us at that age were going to school for a better job, and how hosed up his life must have been if fighting a scrawny kid was so exciting for him. So I feel a little bad for what happened next.

James threw the first punch because I couldn't fight for poo poo, and I fell down. He sat down on my chest and was about to start wailing punches on me when I threw my fist out and punched him right in the forehead. He keeled over, had a seizure, and stopped moving. I cooperated with police and explained everything, and the beating he had already given me (coupled with security footage of him mocking me at the store) got me off scott-free.

This is presented without any kind of emotion, just a story from my life.

I was never bullied this bad by any individual person but I'd still think telling his manager would have been a better plan than trying to fight him in the parking lot. Seemed to work out anyway though.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 21:18

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

quote:

I'm an only sibling

Unnnngggghhhh

# ? Dec 30, 2016 21:26

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

Religion ruins everything and everyone it touches. Just religion in general, doesn't matter which one. They all suck to varying degrees.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 22:03

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

"God made me this way to test how loving you are as Christians, checkmate Fundies" :smug:

# ? Dec 30, 2016 22:10

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Pearnicious posted:

Religion ruins everything and everyone it touches. Just religion in general, doesn't matter which one. They all suck to varying degrees.

what about the amazing atheist and his butt adventures

# ? Dec 30, 2016 22:48

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

Putty posted:

what about the amazing atheist and his butt adventures

Eh, people can be weird or hosed up with or without religion, I just think religion sucks because it can encourage and reinforce weird and/or hosed up behavior and ideas.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 23:25

Marijuana Nihilist: Aug 27, 2015; by Smythe

what in the poo poo he lost a fight from one punch no wonder he works behind a deli counter

# ? Dec 30, 2016 23:35

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

McGavin posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM MY rear end INTO CRACKER BARREL FOR A NICE SIT DOWN BREAKFAST. ITS CHICKEN FRIED STEAK, 2 SIDES OF HASH BROWNS, 3 PIECES OF CORNBREAD, 4 SLICES OF TURKEY BACON, AND A DR. PEPPER. I EAT EVERY MORSEL AND I ENJOY EVERY BITE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME CORNBREAD INTO MY CUP OF BACON GREASE FOR DIPPING. NOT MANY KNOW WHY TRUMP WON AND MAKE JOKES ABOUT HIM BEING A BAD PRESIDENT. HE WON BECAUSE THE WHITE MALE IS MARGINALIZED AND MADE TO LOOK THE FOOL, WHILE EVERYBODY ELSE GETS TO RUN AROUND FREE OF ALL CONSEQUENCES. I HAVE TWEETED THIS TO MR. TRUMP AND HOPE TO GOD HE CRASHES THEIR STOCK LIKE HE DID ALL THOSE OTHER CROOKED COMPANIES. 1 HOUR TO CHILL OUT AND RELAX EVERY MORNIng

This post is really good but I dont want to get probated again like an hour after I got off so pretend I empty quoted this like 15 times.

# ? Dec 30, 2016 23:50

Orkin Mang: Nov 1, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

subhuman filth posted:

Keep doing it; condoms are bullshit and AIDS is a myth

# ? Dec 30, 2016 23:51

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

E: ^^^ what he said

subhuman filth posted:

Keep doing it; condoms are bullshit and AIDS is a myth

# ? Dec 30, 2016 23:55

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Pearnicious posted:

Eh, people can be weird or hosed up with or without religion, I just think religion sucks because it can encourage and reinforce weird and/or hosed up behavior and ideas.

So can any type of culture, religion is not special in this regard

I dunno, I'm kind of done with r/atheism types trying to argue to me that the concept of homophobia would not exist without religion (for you see, homophobia is intrinsic to religion and was invented out of nowhere when some guy wrote it into the Bible on a whim), or make generalizations about every religion that has ever existed that in reality only apply to whatever brand of Protestantism their parents followed when they were preteens.

That said, though, strict community-focused American Christian churches can often produce some extremely sexually-repressed people, like our mutual acquaintance reindeer suit guy.

Marijuana Nihilist posted:

what in the poo poo he lost a fight from one punch no wonder he works behind a deli counter

Tbf he had a seizure, so it sounds like some type of Brain Problems were involved (which are probably also related to the rest of his issues yeah)

# ? Dec 31, 2016 00:03

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

lol reindeer suit guy is still a kid but is totally gonna be a reindeer for his whole life

# ? Dec 31, 2016 00:16

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

loquacius posted:

So can any type of culture, religion is not special in this regard

I dunno, I'm kind of done with r/atheism types trying to argue to me that the concept of homophobia would not exist without religion (for you see, homophobia is intrinsic to religion and was invented out of nowhere when some guy wrote it into the Bible on a whim), or make generalizations about every religion that has ever existed that in reality only apply to whatever brand of Protestantism their parents followed when they were preteens.

That said, though, strict community-focused American Christian churches can often produce some extremely sexually-repressed people, like our mutual acquaintance reindeer suit guy.

Oh no, I totally agree there. People can be awful and cruel to each other all on their own, they don't need any help from religion with that. I just think religion helps to perpetuate bad ideas. It can easily be used by lovely people to justify their lovely behavior or ideas.

There's plenty of religious people who are wonderful, and there's plenty of atheists who are lovely people, nothing is ever black and white.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 00:30

Mr. F!: Sep 21, 2016

Religion is used by the majority of people to make sense of the harsh realities of life. Its used by some people to try and disparage others.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 00:39

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Spirituality is fine... I mean, having a specific mental disorder being accepted by society is kind of weird and hypocritical... But organized religion is really bad

Like, systematic molestation of children bad, or beheading of innocent citizens bad

# ? Dec 31, 2016 03:31

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Oh good, we're doing the "religion is a mental illness" thing.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 03:43

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I'm a guy and my best friend since high school is a girl, and recently got married.

I was never a big fan of her now-husband and admit it is solely jealousy. She started dating him right after we met, and I didn't have the balls back then to ask her out. They dated all through HS and college, got engaged a bit after that, and she never had a chance to date around.

A few days before her wedding I confessed to her that I had always found her attractive and wished I had the balls way back when to tell her. She admitted that she always assumed I would ask her out back then, and she thought I wasn't interested. We hugged then, and I stupidly slid my hands down her back, cupping her butt. I melted all at once and couldn't resist her anymore.

We hosed that night, and then in the morning before I left her house. I think it was mostly to get it out of our systems, a decade plus of pent up attraction.

She and her husband seemed really happy at first, but have started posting some slightly passive-aggressive things on facebook as of late. I'm terrified that she will let slip what happened, and that her husband will come after me.

quote:

My boyfriend started streaming on Twitch about six months ago, and since it started he's really been soaking in admiration from people.

My confession is simply that I'm jealous as poo poo about the attention he's getting, and that I'm slowly and secretly setting up things so I can run my own stream at some point. He'll know it's happening when it happens, but I really feel like I need to prove that I can get that same attention (and probably more, since hey, chick gamer here).

It's unhealthy, I know, and I'm in therapy for a ton of unrelated issues already. Will probably tell my therapist about it, but I'm not gonna stop my plans.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 04:42

RatHat: Dec 31, 2007; A tiny behatted rat👒🐀!

You could just ask your boyfriend if you could stream with him instead of turning it into a contest.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 04:46

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

RatHat posted:

You could just ask your boyfriend if you could stream with him instead of turning it into a contest.

Why bother communicating with your significant other when you can spend an incredible amount of time and effort sabotaging your relationship out of spite

Also nothing after the first two paragraphs in the first confession actually happened, and we all just witnessed the saddest jackin' session in the world

# ? Dec 31, 2016 04:53

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

Holy poo poo I should just start a twitch I'm loving beautiful

# ? Dec 31, 2016 05:03

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Yep that checks out I get all my girls that way. They come in for the platonic friendship hug, never realizing that their butt is about to be cupped like never before

# ? Dec 31, 2016 05:30

Ben Smash: Aug 22, 2005; LARDROOM; Grimey Drawer

ABORT DE-RAIL. GAS CHAMBER IMMINENT

# ? Dec 31, 2016 06:26

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Ben Smash posted:

ABORT DE-RAIL. GAS CHAMBER IMMINENT

what inappropriate buttcupping or twitch. guess i'd prefer the former if i absolutely had to choose

# ? Dec 31, 2016 06:51

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

butt cupping is actually the "this one weird psychology loophole will make any girl want to gently caress" trick from all those ads

# ? Dec 31, 2016 08:02

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

butt cupping is actually the "this one weird psychology loophole will make any girl want to gently caress" trick from all those ads

Thought that was money?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 08:11

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

The part I don't believe is that the guy supposedly hosed this girl he's been lusting after for years and then dismisses it with "I think it was mostly to get it out of our systems" and then is worried about the husband going after him. In reality it he would be gushing about how it was the most magical night of his life and how he hopes they will break up so that he can get together with her.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 08:24

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# ? May 10, 2024 06:05

Commie NedFlanders: Mar 8, 2014

Putty posted:

Realtalk: I practice magic and it is 100% real.

PM me if you are interested in explanations behind magic.

I've come to accept that some people do participate in supernatural magic but this is entirely loathesome to God and a grave and terrible sin, I would advise anyone to not mess around with it

# ? Dec 31, 2016 11:06

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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