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Not posting: a guy claiming to have mutilated himself (balls too)quote:I get nervous in public and lie in order to fit in. It was really bad as a kid, then abated a bit. oh well thank GOD the spermjacking possibility is out of the picture really dodged a bullet there quote:HI i sent in previously about the medbots and I noticed a goon wanted a visual aid. I added one drawing I just did of the bot as I'm on my lunch break now and using the department computer which has Paint. It's okay guys, we can rest easy, the greatest diplomat of our generation has solved the problem
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 03:41 |
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# ? May 11, 2024 11:02 |
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I think i've seen those before but as a floor cleaning bot they're pretty big and menacing, but the most they're going to do to a person is jack their sperm. its a bit awkward when you're on your lunch break and a robot decided to jack some dude in the cafeteria
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 04:41 |
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Great, more autism.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 06:01 |
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The Management posted:He's also in a different zip code so it's cool. Lol if you havent used that line to get soke strange
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 06:31 |
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The age liar had me until vasectomy and spermjacking. Way over the top. Actually it was this that tripped my bullshit meter: quote:So I suddenly leapt several stages of desirability to the females in the office
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 07:26 |
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quote:I've been having weird dreams and trouble sleeping lately. I keep falling asleep around midnight and waking up around 4 am. What's worse is the dreams I've been having lately. They've been about fetishes that I don't find sexually appealing. Last night I dreamt about foot fetish stuff. I've dreamt about armpit licking (as a sex thing), as well as a few other strange and not-very-sexy fetishes. I've also dreamt about sucking my own dick but that just leaves me frustrated that I'm to fat and not nearly flexible enough to do that IRL. If it helps, I've heard sucking your own dick is more like sucking a dick than it is like getting your dick sucked quote:The last time I was weighed I clocked in at 528 lbs. That was 4 years ago and I'm definitely fatter now. So my confession is I am the fattest goon. Yeah I dunno how fulfilling your lifestyle really sounds, but if all you want is to eat a bunch of food and play video games I guess you're filling those needs Enjoy it while it lasts I guess
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 14:01 |
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Harakiri Potter posted:So, eh, like which confessions would you like to hear read aloud from a voice over artist? We have a voiceover thread in CC, I'm sure you could get some feshes voiced through there for funsies
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 14:43 |
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loquacius posted:If it helps, I've heard sucking your own dick is more like sucking a dick than it is like getting your dick sucked It's both yo. Just hard and murder on your back and neck.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 14:59 |
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That fattest goon confession would probably be read out loud - just not if done for comedy, it would ruin it if you went for a Family Guy "fat guy burps wheezes and farts constantly" gag. Think more Barney Gumble- "Don't cry for me, I'm already dead".
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 15:13 |
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quote:lol that guy got you to post goatse and now i'm reposting it
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 15:22 |
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poopnanners posted:lol that guy got you to post goatse and now i'm reposting it No ring, not a true Goat fake edit: although that probably would have been TOO obvious
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 15:29 |
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 15:33 |
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the fattest goon posted:I haven't seen my penis in a while, and can only masturbate with a fleshlight attached to a swiffer handle.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 16:50 |
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You know the fattest goon is fake because he didn't mention his crippling depression. I don't think a 500+ pound person can stand, much less walk. So forget going into work any days of the week or even living by yourself.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 17:11 |
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The Management posted:I don't think a 500+ pound person can stand, much less walk. So forget going into work any days of the week or even living by yourself. Eh, I worked with a guy who had to be that big and he could stand and walk.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 17:52 |
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Age liar, unironcially mentioning sperm jacking may be the reason you haven't had a girlfriend in 15 years
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 17:54 |
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Dear Fattest goon.....I used to weigh 420 lbs....I was lucky, I had a pretty normal life married with three great kids. Then my knees gave out, it was a miserable, terrible, painful way to live so I decided to do something about it. I've lost 150 lbs since then and still work every day to try and lose more, my goal is still about 50 lbs away. You can do it, all you have to do is want it bad enough.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 19:05 |
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How does sex work when you're that big
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 19:12 |
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WampaLord posted:Eh, I worked with a guy who had to be that big and he could stand and walk. I just imagine myself lifting and carrying an additional 300 pounds everywhere I go. I'm not sure I could get up from my couch with that kind of weight on me, and I'm pretty fit. I mean I could do it once with some exertion but not repeatedly.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 19:13 |
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Jose posted:How does sex work when you're that big I have no idea but the dude I'm talking about did have a girlfriend. She was obese as well, but a normal American amount.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 19:14 |
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Jose posted:How does sex work when you're that big It worked then just like it does now when I'm only 270....I mean, right before I decided to make a change I was probably taking a little too long to finish, but other wise it was just like anyone else. I'm a lot taller than her too, so we always had to be a little creative when we wanted to do anything other than missionary or cowgirl. She'd never seen me below 300 lbs until the last couple of years.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 19:38 |
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wernox posted:I used to weigh 420 lbs nice
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 20:40 |
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The Management posted:You know the fattest goon is fake because he didn't mention his crippling depression. They can. I was friends with a guy who topped out at 550 before finally fixing his diet. He was also 6'6" so he had a big frame to put it all on, but he definitely still walked, and if fattest Goon commutes by car and doesn't need to go further than apartment-elevator-car-elevator-chair he could realistically do it. At any rate, this confession sounds like my friend enough that if it's not a real fat depressed loser s/he does an alarmingly good impression of one.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 23:12 |
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I once dreamt I could suck my own dick but when I put it in my mouth my dick went numb. Then I woke up
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 23:22 |
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Mr. F! posted:I once dreamt I could suck my own dick but when I put it in my mouth my dick went numb. Then I woke up Did you have dick breath upon waking?
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 23:36 |
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TotalLossBrain posted:Did you have dick breath upon waking? You know, now that I think of it I did.
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 23:39 |
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Keep at it fatgoon. Soon you'll be bedridden, unable to walk or get to the bathroom. You'll be one of those huge fat fucks you see on the news who has a wall removed from their home just so paramedics can get you out and take you to the hospital. Or you'll simply die, I guess. Problem solved!
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 23:46 |
loquacius posted:Not posting: a guy claiming to have mutilated himself (balls too) Peace in our time. I hope humans and robots can build a future together
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# ? Jan 13, 2017 23:56 |
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I learned something today. Incredibly fat humans can lumber around the world and also squeeze their bodies close enough together for their naughty bits to touch.
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 00:17 |
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It's amazing how much work goes into being a lazy sack of shame.
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 00:18 |
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loquacius posted:
I'm working from home today and had to turn around on my way to lunch to get on a high priority conference call. I don't have much in the house to eat and it would be incredibly rude of me to eat while on the phone anyway. I've also been on a diet lately to drop the holiday weight. I'm so jealous right now because I'm so hungry.
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 00:28 |
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Wizzle posted:I'm working from home today and had to turn around on my way to lunch to get on a high priority conference call. I don't have much in the house to eat and it would be incredibly rude of me to eat while on the phone anyway. I've also been on a diet lately to drop the holiday weight. I'm so jealous right now because I'm so hungry. Hey, guys! This goon is jealous of a 500 lb man who masturbates himself with a fleshlight on a stick!
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 00:32 |
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timp posted:Hey, guys! This goon is jealous of a 500 lb man who masturbates himself with a fleshlight on a stick! I'm only jealous that he has food.
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 00:58 |
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Gloryhold It! posted:It's both yo. Just hard and murder on your back and neck. I think 69-ing would be easier
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 01:27 |
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500lb goon, put me in your will please. that is all
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 01:45 |
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quote:I was an addict from the years 2007-2016 and still have near relapses at times. There's nothing shameful about addiction, AA and narcotics anonymous exist to give people a support system and help them realize they aren't alone. There's support group for hoarders, sex addicts, smokers, online gaming, and every issue you can think of. But there's no support group for me. Which makes my struggle really really hard. My main reaction was "this is someone who should probably be a professional chef" but maybe that's just me not really understanding addiction Like, if you are a cooking addict, and you have a job as executive chef of a fancy restaurant that serves as a convenient outlet for it, is that good (because it turns it into something constructive and profitable) or bad (because it encourages a literal addiction)? quote:No way to sugarcoat this, I had an unusual childhood. I had no real mother to speak of, and my father died almost immediately after I was born. I know a lot about him from other people, and people say I look just like him. But that's the extent of our relationship. I idolized him a bit growing up, but I realize now that was pretty childish since he wasn't a great person overall.
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 03:47 |
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Cooking goon, how do you feel about Creme freche?
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 04:01 |
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Goon who's father died from complications of child birth, I'm sorry for your loss. I recommend you try another sport... Like knitting!
Kirk Vikernes fucked around with this message at 04:22 on Jan 14, 2017 |
# ? Jan 14, 2017 04:19 |
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loquacius posted:My main reaction was "this is someone who should probably be a professional chef" but maybe that's just me not really understanding addiction It wouldn't work because an obsessive person can't make the kind of trade offs that are necessary to make food in time and quantity. Sometimes dishes aren't perfect, sometimes people want things done to their food that you wouldn't want to do. Sometimes poo poo is just messed up and you have to deal with it. If you have a real compulsion then you wouldn't be able to do that.
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 05:04 |
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# ? May 11, 2024 11:02 |
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He Who Smelt It posted:Cooking goon, how do you feel about Creme freche? My thoughts exactly.
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# ? Jan 14, 2017 05:10 |