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clammy
Nov 25, 2004

echinopsis posted:

mate how crass would that be. let's just say it involves the favorite activity of any self respecting human

i don't think you can boil down the favorite activity of self respecting humans to one single activity, and if you're implying sex then i think that says a lot more about you as a person than humans in general

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clammy
Nov 25, 2004

echinopsis posted:

mate I did

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

clammy posted:

i don't think you can boil down the favorite activity of self respecting humans to one single activity, and if you're implying sex then i think that says a lot more about you as a person than humans in general

mate really?

clammy
Nov 25, 2004

echinopsis posted:

mate really?

well it's a matter of opinion since there isn't a scientific way to filter "self respecting human" (whatever that means, really) from other humans, but just talking raw statistics obesity ranks higher than venereal disease in first world countries like (especially) the US, so it stands to reason that eating yummy food is a more widely favored activity than getting one's genitals stimulated

clammy
Nov 25, 2004

i mean speaking personally, i enjoy sex but i wouldn't call it my favorite activity. it's nice when it happens, but i'm not going to rearrange my whole life schedule to accomodate it since i have, like, ambitions, and, like, goals

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
I think you missed the joke bud

Michael Transactions
Nov 11, 2013

Op have you ever had sex with a prostitute?

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
no although i'm not necessarily against getting into being a sex worker myself

pram
Jun 10, 2001
jesus christ lol

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
gonna go locum in a different city for a week. so guess who's gonna be hitting up tinder for some nsa action :smugmrgw:

crusader_complex
Jun 4, 2012
lynndie england? meet randy new zealand

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



crusader_complex posted:

lynndie england? meet randy new zealand

you'd think she'd not use that photo for her tinder profile

but then i guess she wants the type of guy who swipes yeah on it

Asymmetric POSTer
Aug 17, 2005

are you finally visiting auckland mate!?

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



i dont have the money to fly around the world

:(//

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

mishaq posted:

are you finally visiting auckland mate!?

lol i'm in the steampunk capital of nz

Moist von Lipwig
Oct 28, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Tortured By Flan
lol do you live near that steampunk weirdo who kept cooking up synthetic cathinones and trying to convince the government they were legal?

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
lol never heard of that

Moist von Lipwig
Oct 28, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Tortured By Flan
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/matt-bowdens-intergalactic-cannabinoid-steampunk-rock-opera

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
oh lmao that dude. total nutcase

in other good news though, recently talked to two women about their bedroom desires. these people are a] IT and a b] nurse and i swear, without me even raising the topic both started talking about loving rough oral sex. love to be gagged.

maybe this is confirmation bias or maybe just maybe virtually all woman, in fact all humans, love to be deepthroated

word on the street is that one of this girl gonna visit me in my motel tomorrow night and maybe might get to have sex 😇

of course it's not gonna happen is it :/

Asymmetric POSTer
Aug 17, 2005

wot happened m8

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
hash tag lame. im going back in a weeks time. might have more luck then

akadajet
Sep 14, 2003

crusader_complex posted:

lynndie england? meet randy new zealand

Komet posted:

I've been holding back this story from the forums for way too long. You might recognize Lynndie England as the name of one of the enlisted soldiers at Abu Ghraib prison implicated in the torture/humiliation of the Iraqi prisoners there.

Let me start by saying I don't believe at all her story about having been ordered to do what she did. She was always trailer park trash (and a skank), so I wouldn't put it past her to pull a stunt like that. However, this is not about Abu Ghraib. That's old and has been driven into the ground. This is about Lynndie England's vagina.

Let me start by giving you the backstory. Lynndie and I went to Frankfort High School together in Mineral County, WV. She (as you may have read) is from a small town called Fort Ashby. There's a nice book store there, but not much else. When my parents were separated back when I was in kindergarten and first grade, my mom rented out a lovely apartment there and later in elementary, I played youth soccer in the area, but I'm starting to wander, so back to the story...

I lived in a town called Ridgely, which is right beside a town called Cumberland, Maryland (some of you PA, WV, MD goons may know of it). In any case, Lynndie was a year older than myself, but we were in the same grade. We didn't have that many classes together except for some of the general classes like senior English and health and 9th grade PE. She wasn't all that bright of a person, and she was somewhat sexually promiscuous, as I later experienced first-hand (*shudder*). She was also not really in the same crowd as me, so we never really hung out. She hung out more in the WV skank/redneck crowd and I mostly hung out with the more affluent members of the high school (except for Brandon).

In eleventh grade, a guy I ate lunch with every day, Brandon dated her for a few months. He used to tell some god-awful stories about the sex with her, like how he could smell her cooch as soon as she pulled down her pants even though he was standing 10 feet away. I guess he liked the sex enough, so he stayed with her (she was the one that broke it off, if I remember correctly).

Fast-forward to 2001, our senior year of high school. It's just after graduation and Brandon is throwing a party at his house. He must have had some pretty cool (or bad) parents to allow him to throw a party, especially since they were providing the alcohol. I show up, a few dozen classmates show up, and Lynndie shows up (she and Brandon were still friends). The night is going well, and I'm pretty trashed. I had never really been drunk before, so it only took a relatively small amount of alcohol to get me wasted. For some reason I find myself dancing with Lynndie to some lovely rap music and after about five songs she propositions me for sex, and being both drunk and horny, I accepted. She wasn't that attractive, but she wasn't fat either and I was a virgin at the time and wasn't about to decline sex at the graduation party, especially since I didn't get anything on prom night.

So Lynndie and I go into the pantry and lock the door. She leans up against the washer and dryer and begins frantically taking her clothes off, as do I. I'm pretty nervous/excited. As soon as we're both naked, we start making out (I can smell her oval office as I'm doing this, by the way) and eventually we're both on the floor, me on top. The pantry is pretty cramped and her head is practically in a bowl of canned dog food. I'm thrusting and thrusting her and loving her pretty hard. It was my first time, so I came pretty fast. I also didn't have a condom, so I came inside of her. After five minutes, the whole thing is pretty much over. We put on our clothes, and go back to partying. After the night is over, I leave and haven't seen her since. Oh well. It's great to know that I didn't knock her up.

So in summation, I got my cherry busted my Lynndie England and her oval office does, in fact, smell putrid

Moist von Lipwig
Oct 28, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Tortured By Flan
lmao

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.
Grimey Drawer

echinopsis posted:

no although i'm not necessarily against getting into being a sex worker myself

sex is like art; if you just do it for money you're going to end up doing some horrible stuff that you will regret for the rest of your life

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.
Grimey Drawer
instead of the traditional sex for money quid pro quo, i would suggest continuing to have sex for free but seek out corporate sponsorship

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Trig Discipline posted:

sex is like art; if you just do it for money you're going to end up doing some horrible stuff that you will regret for the rest of your life

thats drat astute. im gonna remember that

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.
Grimey Drawer
unnnh

uhnnnnnnnhhhh

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH BROUGHT TO YOU BY COCA COLA

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



crotchless aerodynamic cycling onesie with like French & Italian telecom logos on it

all deepthroating a milf while taking a huge sip from a branded sports water bottle

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.
Grimey Drawer
the first two inches of this dick were brought to you by avis rental car

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.
Grimey Drawer

Powaqoatse posted:

crotchless aerodynamic cycling onesie with like French & Italian telecom logos on it

all deepthroating a milf while taking a huge sip from a branded sports water bottle

i would never personally do this for a living but i would happily be echinopsis' agent for 20%

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.
Grimey Drawer
of the money, not his dick

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Trig Discipline posted:

i would never personally do this for a living but i would happily be echinopsis' agent for 20%

just the tip

Trig Discipline posted:

of the money, not his dick

aw :(

Asymmetric POSTer
Aug 17, 2005

Powaqoatse posted:

crotchless aerodynamic cycling onesie with like French & Italian telecom logos on it

all deepthroating a milf while taking a huge sip from a branded sports water bottle

this is extremely my poo poo

Turtle Blogger
Mar 16, 2006

My Angel

It's really funny how goons can't handle the idea of other goons having sex. Keep up the good work OP, nothing wrong with nomonogamy.

akadajet
Sep 14, 2003

hey echi, any updates?

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
yeah back on tinder. showing some promise too. the ideal demographic seems to be older mothers who have recently separated

but mostly just plowing away with my regular. life is pretty chocka lets be honest.

oh and the hippy asian I mention on the first page? I think I gave her her last chance. she's bailed too many times. i'm hardly invested by she doesn't treat me well enough.

also far enough along in this now to realise, its not that hard to find women who want to have sex. turns out people like sex. but do I want to have sex with them?

also confirmed that girls who work with sharepoint also love being deepthroated. no one can tell me "why", just that it "turns them on so much"

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Yo echi you checked out tinder flame? you get to see who's liked you and you can reject or ignore at your own leisure without endangering your hot streak

its a free app that just hooks into the tinder api or something and possibly sells your poo poo to russia/china. but it fun to browse without having to like/reject & also feels good to have a list of women who like you that you can like back & match when you want to

:c00lbert:

idk if having sex with strange milfs is better, but there it is for what its worth

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
lmao what

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



its an ios app that just lets you browse tinder without saying yes/no + it keeps track of who said yes to you

idk what else to say mayn

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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
is it waht you use

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