- Gloryhold It!
- Sep 22, 2008
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Fucking
Adorable
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Real talk, don't work yourself into a tizzy over not having sex before. It just means... you haven't had sex before. You're not less of a person or anything
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Jan 16, 2017 23:48
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 10, 2024 00:50
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- discarded box
- Oct 15, 2008
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Real talk, don't work yourself into a tizzy over not having sex before. It just means... you haven't had sex before. You're not less of a person or anything
this is really easy to believe after you have had sex, but before as a man you feel less than human and utterly worthless. might have contributed a lot to why im so broken. you have no idea how much it messes with your head to believe you are so drat awful no one will even touch you
discarded box fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Jan 16, 2017
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Jan 16, 2017 23:55
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Imagine the type of person who needs to use a rule to say it isn't creepy to date someone
Full disclosure, I did invoke the rule once to convince myself that it wasn't creepy to date a 19 year-old, but I was also 22.
Mind you, I still should have listened to my instincts on that one because while it wasn't creepy, we were definitely in two very different places emotionally.
Goons shouldn't date is what I'm saying.
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Jan 17, 2017 00:01
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- Sjs00
- Jun 29, 2013
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Yeah Baby Yeah !
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Jan 17, 2017 00:04
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- Mycroft Holmes
- Mar 26, 2010
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by Azathoth
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Jan 17, 2017 00:11
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- Warm und Fuzzy
- Jun 20, 2006
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Once again the fake confession had a great joke in the middle. I loved the bit about furnishing your apartment with kitchenware from Dave and Busters.
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Jan 17, 2017 00:33
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I suffer from a rather rare personality disorder that basically really inhibits my ability to have appropriate feelings and to express them in a meaningful (to others) way, being able to understand how my behaviour affects other people, or really have the feeling of belonging anywhere or having any kind of intense emotion. I am neither shy nor have anxiety, but can act normally when I'm with people, but that is all it is - an act. Most people find me to be quite friendly, funny and nice but I only studied to act like this and do not feel it. I feel very quickly overwhelmed with other people and their emotional demands though and tend to withdraw. I only have one male person I consider a friend, and as funny as that might sound for you, this is enough for me.
This I didn't self-diagnose but I have been in therapy for many, many years about ten years ago. There's no cure, medication only helps with depression and other things that might arise from this condition, but I generally found them of little or no help. Many years ago people like me were treated with antipsychotics because psychosis-like states are possible in certain conditions, but thankfully that practice has ended because it was deemed unhelpful. I remember the serious side effects of these pills. Leading research at the moment suggests that there is a genetic component which I guess means that my brain is just different. My disorder is generally not well researched or understood because people like me tend to be very solitary and do not seek help or mask what their real feelings are like. I was sort of an attraction in the clinic I stayed at once for a while because of that. In my case I ended up in therapy for my bad understanding of social norms and my lack of emotional reaction to some things that was very disturbing to family close to me.
No, I'm not a psychopath, antisocial or a narcissist, although there are some parallels. I do have feelings (even if they are different) and I do feel empathy with other people, even if I often do not understand them very well. I do not think the way I'm emotionally affected little by anything makes me superior to other people, quite the contrary. I feel very empty very often and wish I could be sad or glad about some things. I take very little pleasure out of anything and get bored very quickly. Not because I'm depressed, just because I'm unable. It is hard to explain. I do not feel like I'm a part of this world, I feel more like an observer. Like I sit in a bubble, or a waiting room. Sometimes I went for weeks without talking to other people, but I stopped doing that because it makes me feel very unreal, barely human and it takes longer and longer to snap out of that feeling. For a while I self-medicated with alcohol because it makes me able to feel like I imagine most people to feel. I even was able to cry once when drunk in my mid 20s, which was a thing I didn't do since I was a little child or to this day. It was amazing. I stopped drinking because I was very worried of becoming addicted, I started noticing how I needed to drink more and more to get there. Since then I haven't drunk anything alcoholic.
I am 34 years old now. I recently moved back in with my parents because one day about two years ago I decided to quit my job because I honestly just did not care about doing it and found interacting with people every day overwhelming and annoying. It just kept feeling like a waste of my time, although I rationally of course understand you need the money. I know how bad my future will look but I feel unable to affect it. I just do not care enough. I bury myself in some kind of very elaborate fantasy world I make up to make myself feel better. It's an habit that is surprisingly very common for people with my disorder. Once I shared some stories of this world with a woman I knew and trusted and she thought it was amazing and I should put it in books, but it didn't last with her. Since I moved back in I have to be careful to eat enough, I tend to miss meals. Like with many other things, eating gives me no pleasure and I tend to eat the same things because they are more familiar. I'm of average weight right now because I do not go out for months at a time, before that I was often too thin.
I never had sex or even kissed a woman. I do not feel very strongly about that either. I am a normal looking guy and I was close to several women before, but keeping the act up is tiring and as soon as they notice I don't really feel like they do, they tend to run. I don't know how they notice and I am always surprised how it happens. I guess it's some sort of non-verbal hunch, something that just seems off about me. I got very attached over the internet to some women and talked in some cases to them for years every day in some kind of long distance relationship. This was perfect for me because it put little demands on me and I also can express myself better, it's also easier to act for specific amounts of time. On the sexual side, cybering and camming is also more convenient because it doesn't include actual physical intimacy which I have a hard time even imagining being involved in. None of these women knew there was anything wrong with me, I never told them about my diagnosis or my history with psychiatry.
I always enjoyed having that kind of relationship. I got very close to the women and I managed to get a glimpse of the world through their eyes, if that makes sense. Sharing their feelings about things. I do long to be loved like every other human being does, but I feel I don't have anything to offer to these women and they always wanted (understandably) to make these relationships more real, which I stalled until they broke off contact out of frustration. It's always sad for me because my feelings about them don't change and since the last long-distance relationship of 5 years failed (where I actually met the woman, almost made out with her but bolted at the last second) I haven't looked for a new one. That was 18 months ago. Also as I get older, women in my age range tend to have more emotional demands than women in their early 20s tend to have.
I was hoping to feel different by writing all that out, but I don't really. I'll still send it. Would be a shame to waste all that text. Maybe somebody finds themselves in these lines? That would be interesting. I'm going to watch some tv shows now. Bye!
That one was super long so here's the shortest one I've got rn
quote:
I have a fart fetish.
I don't know where it came from, or what it says about me, and I kind of don't want to find out. But I love farts - when my girlfriend farts I get instantly hard as a rock. I have a whole host of porn vids on my computer that involve farting. I am otherwise a totally normal guy.
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Jan 17, 2017 03:50
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- The Management
- Jan 2, 2010
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sup, bitch?
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I wish someone would identify with my feelings about reading giant walls of text
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Jan 17, 2017 04:21
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- Motherfucker
- Jul 16, 2011
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I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.
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You're a depressed autistic according to I, fat man on the internet.
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Jan 17, 2017 05:04
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- klafbang
- Nov 18, 2009
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Clapping Larry
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Well, I mean besides it being the second driving force of all living things after food....yeah. They're literally failing at one of the cornerstones of the natural world.
But probably make up for it by excelling at the other.
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Jan 17, 2017 06:11
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- whiter than a Wilco show
- Mar 30, 2011
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by FactsAreUseless
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That super long one is autism.dsmv right down to the extremely boring, long-winded and minutiae obsessed way of communicating.
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Jan 17, 2017 06:24
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- free basket of chips
- Sep 7, 2012
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by FactsAreUseless
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I'm really glad I don't have a fart fetish
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Jan 17, 2017 14:23
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- bradzilla
- Oct 15, 2004
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You should watch Dexter. Or maybe not.
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Jan 17, 2017 14:27
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
This is about my wife who has given me permission to disclose a few things about her.
We both enjoy the confession threads and she felt it would be a good place to divulge a few things and relieve a bunch of psychological tension that has built up around the fact that I have been married to a powerful witch for 15 years.
She feels the confession threads here have a good balance of credulity and scepticism, so I would end up relieving the powerful urge to tell someone, anyone, about her whilst not actually threatening her with loss of anonymity and exposure.
She says I have to tell and yet the revelation might have fatal consequences, most likely for me but also her and her family. She feels that this confession will adjust an imbalance and I believe her.
She is descended from a small but feted Scottish coastal clan of “Sea-Hags” and go by a term I’m forbidden to use. I am accepted by the family which is highy matriarchal and currently dominated by 4 sisters with their daughters ascendant. I have been accepted as the ideal for my wife by the 4 sisters. I was advised of the situation early on and given the option of leaving without consequence or ongoing awareness.
By choosing to stay I was advised that I would be treated with great respect and love but that I would always be subservient to the female line and if it came down to it I was disposable and very inconsequential in the larger scheme of things. It was also made very clear that disloyalty or treachery was futile and extremely dangerous, the consequences unavoidable.
I’m permitted to talk about two things: these will express my awe to see rational things turned inside out and to relieve the burden of not being able to tell the world about just how weird things can get.
The first is seals; they all talk to seals. And the seals talk back. We live on the coast at a longitude where seals are not common but where occasional vagrants and injured or sick animals will regularly turn up. My wife chose the spot as she is a kind of shepherd or guardian for the natural boundary that seals usually don’t cross. She is there to assist and guide as well as represent the family in this part of the world. Here’s how it works:
Every day we go to the sea. She will take a bottle of whiskey and her bag of witchy things. Don’t ask whats in the bag. It’s contents are hidden and unseeable. We sit on the beach and have a drink, usually around mid afternoon, though I have been dragged out in the middle of the night if she has to go then. She likes me to come along because she says my presence is a bit of an ice breaker or conversational device and that she hates drinking alone.
If a seal is near she will know and start drinking in earnest, usually a third to half a bottle. She will then walk into the surf up to her knees and begin singing and doing a series of hand gestures I am not allowed to witness. I know when to look away and when to look back. She takes things from the bag and hides them in her hair and her dress, again no looking. Within a couple of minutes the seal turns up.
She is usually pretty drunk and in an exuberant and raucous mood at this point. She begins a conversation that sounds like cats and dogs and the seals answer back in kind. She ascertains their needs and attempts to meet them. She will do healing and will lift spirits and provide courage and strength. You can see it in the seals body language. At this point she will introduce me and if the seal is agreeable, will draw me into the conversation. Seals are acutely visual and will generally talk about the colour of my shirt or my extremely red hair or my blue eyes. They will also cheerfully warn me to keep all this to myself. They will sing her and her families praises All this is mediated and translated by her. She says the seals sense our bond and consider me a very lucky man. This usually lasts less than 10 minutes and will end abruptly if others are sensed nearby
My wife wants me to share this as a point of family pride. That she is part of a tradition and line stretching back into prehistory She feels her ministry to the seals is her primary purpose on earth and that when she is old and ready to go she will go into the sea and become a seal herself though this will be a spiritual rather than corporeal transformation.
The second thing is the fire-dog, which is a point of personal pride for her and is emblematic of her skill and craft. She is able to conjure this form from any open flame, from a bic lighter to a forest fire.
It requires considerable concentration and a lot of ritual and casting but it is a family favourite and she is expected to produce firedogs as part of any evening’s festivities.
A fire dog is just that, a dog made of fire, a whippet/ greyhound in build that rises from the fire and dances and cavorts. Good natured and lively, it will interact with you but keep a safe distance. There is always a bucket or hose kept handy when a fire dog is conjured as they spread the fire wherever they jump or dance. If a flute is played the fire dog dances on its hind legs and sings in a thin but happy voice. Fire-dogs will dampen anger and promote friendship and kindness. I have seen a potentially lethal situation involving jealousy, whiskey and hexing turned around into hugs and kisses by the conjuring of a fire-dog. This is her unique party trick and her family is proud of the skill and effort on display.
The family believe her power marks her as the eventual matriarch when the current one returns to the sea. My daughter is expected to be as powerful and is considered to be in the hands of a exceptional tutor.
I’m pretty happy with how things have turned out and having set this out for public consumption is expected scratch a very annoying itch.
I read that Atma thread too
quote:
When I was a kid I lived in a super lovely situation, so I used to sincerely and seriously wish that I'd find a magic cat and turn out to be Sailor Moon. I grew out of that but sometimes when things are tough I still like to go "what would Sailor Moon do?" and make myself power through whatever is going on. If that lazy crybaby with great friends can save the world then I can at least make myself get through school, work out and do better at my job.
I also deeply believe in reincarnation and I really, really, really hope that in my next life I'm reincarnated as either a rich white guy or a well taken care of housecat. It's pretty much the main reason I do good deeds. I'm more likely to come back as bug though and that makes me a little depressed at times.
It's the female equivalent of one of those guys who are obsessed with Goku
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Jan 17, 2017 14:55
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- VanSandman
- Feb 16, 2011
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SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
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gently caress your lovely, lovely fiction, hagfucker.
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Jan 17, 2017 15:12
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- Nocheez
- Sep 5, 2000
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Can you spare a little cheddar?
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Nap Ghost
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Reincarnation believer: believing in something, even if you believe it extra hard, doesn't change the veracity of it.
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Jan 17, 2017 16:02
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- poopnanners
- May 3, 2016
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hey guys lets party
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Like gently caress, is there anyone who doesn't want to be reincarnated as a pampered housecat?
nah probably just gelded slobs like yourself
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Jan 17, 2017 16:15
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- The Management
- Jan 2, 2010
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sup, bitch?
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It's the female equivalent of one of those guys who are obsessed with Goku
I don't see anything wrong here, it's just a way to motivate yourself.
gently caress your lovely, lovely fiction, hagfucker.
I stopped reading two paragraphs in. Does it get better or is it all stupid wankery?
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Jan 17, 2017 16:21
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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quote: I suffer from a rather rare personality disorder that basically really inhibits my ability to have appropriate feelings and to express them in a meaningful (to others) way,
Being a bro isn't a personality disorder.
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Jan 17, 2017 16:29
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- VanSandman
- Feb 16, 2011
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SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
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I don't see anything wrong here, it's just a way to motivate yourself.
I stopped reading two paragraphs in. Does it get better or is it all stupid wankery?
It's all completely awful
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Jan 17, 2017 17:03
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- Sjs00
- Jun 29, 2013
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Yeah Baby Yeah !
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Crazy hag goon I'm gonna travel to where you are and YouTube your hagwife naked firedogging my D
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Jan 17, 2017 17:13
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- Forward Toward
- Aug 14, 2015
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No Tank You. not today tanks. Tank you very much.
TANK TANK TANK
VRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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Witchwife goon. I call fake. Says she's Scottish, but drinks whisky with a superfluous e.
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Jan 17, 2017 19:30
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- whiter than a Wilco show
- Mar 30, 2011
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by FactsAreUseless
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Who new Neil Gaiman was a goon? Please hurry up Amanda Palmer's return to the sea, where her natural odour will make more sense.
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Jan 17, 2017 19:56
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- Hardawn
- Mar 15, 2004
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Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates
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College Slice
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seahag is an alcoholic workaround
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Jan 17, 2017 20:44
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- it dont matter
- Aug 29, 2008
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I stopped reading two paragraphs in. Does it get better or is it all stupid wankery?
His missus is a drunk who wanders into the ocean and yells at animals.
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Jan 17, 2017 20:47
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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The guy with the crazy Trump neighbor wrote another one
quote:
I posted some time back about a crazy neighbor. Among other things she pulled a gun and yelled out "COUGAR!!!" thinking a cougar was in our suburban neighborhood. I have an update on things.
On January 14th a neighborhood kid, age 11, knocked on her door. He was planning to take down her Christmas decorations for her, since she was the last one in the neighborhood with stuff up and it was a beautiful day. She fired 3 shots through the small glass window next to the door. Two missed, the third hit him in his left shoulder.
I heard the shots and ran over there, still in my pajamas. I called 911 on my cell phone, and pushed down with all my might on his shoulder, using my pajama shirt to try and stop the blood flow. As this was happening I saw her run in to her car and drive away. I yelled at her to stop, but she didn't.
The ambulance got there within 5 minutes. The kid is physically fine now in the hospital, but I'm sure that was the scariest thing in his life. It was the scariest thing in my life, that's for sure. I'm going to go see him after work today and take him some comic books or lego or something.
They still haven't found my neighbor. She has family in Delaware and I let the cops know that, so hopefully they find her there. Or honestly, hopefully she drove off a cliff somewhere and is rotting at the bottom of a ravine.
^^^ Taking bets on the race of this child
quote:
I was deeply in the closet up until about 10 years ago. I was raised very conservatively, and sex of any type wasn't discussed, let alone being gay. In high school I don't think I really comprehended what being gay was, and my parents didn't make it any easier by continually pushing me towards "manly" things and trying to get me to date girls.
This ended extremely badly. I was convinced that my feelings towards men were wrong, and I acted out by trying to force those things out of my mind. I started seeing a girl. I convinced myself I'd be attracted to her later, or like kissing her later. And when prom night senior year came, I convinced myself that I needed to have sex with her. I had to do it in the dark, and I showered immediately after, but I did it. And most amazing of all, she got pregnant. Just my luck, I guess.
This caused an absolute shitstorm in my family. I was expected to raise the kid, my parents were happy I was "normal", and my own opinion and concerns or the concerns of the mother were never discussed. I finally admitted I was gay at this point, and went to speak to the mother. I told her I was gay, but that this child was our responsibility, and if she wanted me to be a father, I would do that. She called me a queer, said I was a piece of poo poo liar (which is true), and that I would just warp the child. I gave her every cent I had, about 700 bucks, and left. I told her I would send her any money she ever needed if she would just let me see my kid. She refused the visit part, but I still send money to this day.
I get updates on my son however I can, but I know less about him than I do characters on a TV show. I still send money to try and give him a good life. I also don't talk to my parents any more. Bittersweet at best, but I'm finally able to be honest with who I am.
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Jan 17, 2017 20:50
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- Putty
- Mar 21, 2013
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HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
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Is that what youre suppsoed to do to a gunshot wound? It's not like the movies where a shot to the leg or shoulder is nothing so it's a bit worrying.
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Jan 17, 2017 20:55
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- Arkanomen
- May 6, 2007
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All he wants is a hug
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I think a young black child getting shot by a middle age white woman who then fled the scene while armed would be instant national news, but then again who knows anymore.
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Jan 17, 2017 21:18
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- Jose
- Jul 24, 2007
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Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
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Like the us national news cares about anything other than trump
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Jan 17, 2017 21:21
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 10, 2024 00:50
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Jan 16, 2017 23:48
