BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

Yaya posted:

Champs retain!

Yeah.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 02:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 11, 2024 21:41

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

champs retain

# ? Jan 21, 2017 02:37

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

What are the standings for the pick em?

# ? Jan 21, 2017 02:42

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

TMMadman posted:

What are the standings for the pick em?

HulkaMatt was tracking it.

I wouldn't worry too much about it though because the tag-team tournament typically determines who's in good place to win.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 02:45

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

Triple Crown Championships
Hoboken Zephyrs (c) @ Oklahoma City Bombers

The Other Triple Crown Championships
Khartoum Doom (c) @ Rochester Generics

United States Championship
World Warriors (c) @ Slaughterhouse Nine

# ? Jan 21, 2017 02:53

TheFlyingLlama: Jan 2, 2013; You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and be a llama?

Pick 'em: And I'm sorry for us, the dinosaurs roam the earth, the sky turns green, where I end and you begin

Triple Crown Championships
Hoboken Zephyrs (c) @ Oklahoma City Bombers

The Other Triple Crown Championships
Khartoum Doom (c) @ Rochester Generics

United States Championship
World Warriors (c) @ Slaughterhouse Nine

Archiving Update!

SL seasons 1-4, 6, and 7-8 have been completed.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 03:14

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

A smart person would pick OKC over the H-Zephyrs but I already locked in Champs Retain so

# ? Jan 21, 2017 03:15

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

Yaya posted:

A smart person would pick OKC over the H-Zephyrs but I already locked in Champs Retain so

Fun fact, I am picking OKC over the Zephyrs, so perhaps your analysis is incorrect.

Pick them: Bombers win, others retain.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 03:17

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Sub-Par League IX, Week 8: Provided in Case of Lack of Mass Extinction

Games of the Weak

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

FORGETTABLES LIFT SPIRITS OF ALL AMERICANS, SWEEP DAT BOIS

Omaha - The Forgettables are not having the best of seasons. This is understandable; the Forgettables by design and nature do not have good seasons, only seasons in which they aspire to mediocrity and then somehow fall short still. It was especially galling this season since they came in with a strong rotation and a respectable lineup and then had a season ending injury to their ace two days in. From there, things sort of spiraled into a mix of despair and disillusionment, which is also kind of par for course for a Gabriel Pope team.

That is not to say that life is not without its small mercies. Baseball is rather funny like that, in which even the most woebegone team can turn into a lion if the circumstances are just right. In a case of the mouse that roared, then ate the lion, nothing beggars disbelief more than the fact that the biggest hurdle in Dat Boi's attempt to crush the Bush League has been the lowly Forgettables. A great service has been performed on behalf of the Super-League, for if the Dat Boi promote the world will implode in a singularity of stale memes and Smasher Dynamo's self-loathing. Though the latter may still come to pass sooner rather than later we should still strive to put it off for as long as possible.

As we're all aware, the Dat Bois are an unstoppable freak of nature. That means, quite rationally, the should stumble for unknowable reasons. This game surely didn't reveal why though being an interleague game perhaps the novelty of letting the pitcher hit was too much. It was certainly not because the batters got confused by a Gyros League pitcher. The Forgettables put Rick Rhoden on the mound, a decision that was would be rued from the first moment he loosed a ball at Tony Gwynn at the top of the 1st. A barrage of hits would issue forth and with the dust settled it was a four run lead and eight long innings left to go. Where ever salvation may lay, it did not reside with the pitching.

That is not to say it was completely hopeless from the get-go. If all pretense of a pitcher's duel was discarded, then one ought to look to a knock-down brawl waged with the might of the teams' bats. This is a bit of a shaky proposition, with the Dat Bois having a season of astounding offensive production, but one had to latch onto any hope no matter how forlorn. With two runs scored in the bottom of the 1st to keep things interesting, we were assured of a good game where pitching gets hosed.

Now the game devolved into a chase for ever-gaudier batting figures. From 4-2 it climed to 6-2 when four consecutive hitters got on base safely in the 2d, including a double from the improbably hot bat of Barry Larkin. Not to be upstaged by a youngin' Ernie Banks slammed a two run homer the next inning to make up ground. Gary Sheffield retorted with a solo shot almost immediately. In an almost numbing parade, Banks counter-retorted with his own solo shot. Larry "Team Killa" Doby got off the bench to take part in the dinger dance, hitting yet another solo home run and relieving Maddux of the need to continue pitching this farce. He escaped just in time.

Given the unenviable task of trying to hang on to the lead while stepping into a live fire exercise between two teams who are intent on hitting everything that comes close to the plate into the stratosphere, Kevin Brown swallowed once and accepted his grim fate. The very first pitch resulted in a Whitaker triple. The second pitch smacked David Wright in his head, which was cathartic but not what the Dat Bois needed at that moment. The third pitch went over Joe Torre's head and scored Sweet Lou. The fourth pitch was hit for a single, which only set up a sac fly that scored Wright. With another Sheffield single the score was tied and somehow the feeling that Dat Bois could retain control.

No one likes extra innings in a slugfest as this, so in an act of mercy for all involved Ernie Banks hit a solo dinger in the 8th to give them the Forgettables the lead permanently. The game ended with the top of the Dat Bois order going down almost in order, a long note held to end a frenzied scherzo movement, or since this Dat Bois and cultured references don't go over so well, a wet fart after an awkward dinner conversation petered out in mutual embarrassment.

"This is the comeback you've all waited for!" Gabriel Pope exclaimed to a waiting crowd of almost no one. "Sure we're the bottom of the division even after this sweep and our offense is so anemic that the Red Cross came by to discuss disaster relief for the team, but it's only a third through the season, we've got plenty of time to rally and not die in the Gauntlet!"

Gabriel Pope looked around at the team who were only marginally cheered by the victory. "Come on guys, can't we celebrate? We won! We won against the best team in the entire Bush League!"

Ernie Banks looked Pope straight in the eye. "Listen, son." Pope, startled, stopped a dance of his own devise that he improvised at that moment. "I've reviewed your history. This is the moment where Irony, in all its cruel designs, picks a team that does not deserve the accolade, to strike down a much stronger one.

"We are not a great team, at least not as constituted. We are but the cat's paw for forces well beyond mortal understanding, all for their petty games. Do you understand why we won? Not because of our own skill. We won because Nature itself detests the Dat Bois, sees hubris in its purest form, and wishes to strike it down.

"Mark my words. You think we have hit bottom. All the lore of the League says that there is no bottom, only a place where we apply our shoulders to the dirt and dig ourselves deeper into a pit of misery. Hold onto this fleeting happiness, for it may be your last."

"poo poo." Gabriel Pope looked around. "Aren't you all Debbie Downers! Let's go play some skeeball! My treat!" And so while nothing can lift the sense of doom over the team, Gabriel won enough tickets to get a bunch of temporary tattoos at the local Chuck-E-Cheeses. That's something, at least?

GAME NOTES THAT AMOUNT TO LITTLE IN THE END OF ALL THINGS. EVENTUALLY.

- Ernie Banks played like he had some hope in this world. It won't last.

- Both Sheffields were pretty good! I think people need to use him more. Just not at 1B.

- Bobby Avila, if replaced, might make WEB Dat Bois completely unstoppable.

- This series, no joke, boosted the offensive out put of the Forgettables several tenths of a percent.

Box Score

Frank Gaiman posted:

AT LAST: THE TRUE REASON WHY GIANCARLO CHANGED HIS NAME

Dragon Quest Land - You can be forgiven if you don't know too much about the Miami Marlins. After all, they don't really have much in the way of fans, and their most recognizable face is probably that doofy rich guy that goes to every playoff game and sits right behind home plate wearing the colors of a team that isn't playing.

But you might also know them for their right fielder, Giancarlo Stanton. Stanton is a man of prodigious strength, the type of man that the 80 grade had in mind when assigning ratings to power. He might not be the best player in the game, but he's almost certainly one of the most fun to watch, especially when his mammoth dingers have a propensity to turn on the Marlins Park Dinger Machine.

And yet Giancarlo Stanton has a secret. For years, he was known as "Mike" Stanton. Even when he first came up in MLB he was known as Mike. Giancarlo didn't come until later, which he explained as honoring a family member.

Perhaps he is honoring a family member. But as Office Space's Michael Bolton can tell you--sometimes you have to at least consider changing your name because someone you share a name with sucks.

For example, were my name Curt Schilling, you can be drat sure I'd change my name to something else.

And perhaps that's what Giancarlo Stanton had in mind given today's game.

Stanton entered the game with the tying run in scoring position and two out in the seventh inning after Greg McMichael couldn't get out of it. Stanton immediately gave up a screaming liner to Stan Hack, but it fortunately found a glove. Regardless, it was an out and he'd held the lead despite his best efforts.

Yet keeping him in for the eighth inning wasn't such a great idea.

Frank Robinson homered before Stanton took the mound--his twentieth (!) of the season, putting Midway up 9-7. Stanton now had some breathing room. But he'd need it immediately as he gave up a leadoff single to Arky Vaughan and then a double to Hanley Ramirez to cut it to 9-8.

To make matters worse, Gabby Hartnett--who everyone had advised drafting--decided now would be a good time to betray his rookie owner, promptly booting a sacrifice bunt and leaving everyone safe--runners at the corners. With his final act, Stanton then walked Mickey Mantle on four pitches--loading the bases with nobody out.

At last, TMMadman had seen enough and removed Stanton in favor of Sparky Lyle. Yet Lyle didn't have much to offer either, walking Ernie Lombardi to tie the game, and following that effort with a Joe Medwick RBI single and a wild pitch to score another run. Placido "in the game for his defense" Polanco followed with a booted grounder that let the game's 13th run score. All told...not great.

The Mobsters have a pretty good offense, and if Albert Pujols can get untracked, a very good offense. But asking them to score four runs in a single inning is quite a lot to ask. Pujols did come through with an RBI to make it 13-10, but neither Edgar Renteria nor Polanco could keep the rally going, ending the game there.

Yet Mike Stanton (the reliever) was pretty cool with it after the game. "Y'know what? If people had to change their name every time someone hosed up in baseball, nobody would have a name anymore. And that'd be anarchy. Even Babe Ruth has some similar names that are terrible, like B. Abe Ruth. And there's always that poor schmuck that drafts the team with Pedro-Martinez-but-not-That-Pedro-Martinez."

TMMadman, for his part, was also pretty cool with it. "Everything is terrible," he pointed out. "Why should my bullpen be any different." He shrugged, and then took a long drag/hit/bite of whatever marijuana-based product made him such a happy and mellow guy.

As for Harlock? He was still happy about the previous recap that used Dragon Quest grinding as a mechanism. He didn't need to make further comment. Right, recap-Harlock?

: RIGHT!

GAME NOTES

- Pujols showing signs of life! Only a homer shy of the cycle!

- Robinson showing no signs of mortality! 20 homers in 47 games puts him on a...69 homer pace. Nice.

- Placido Polanco came in as a defensive replacement for Jose Altuve, who I think is a pretty good fielder. He promptly made two errors. Oops.

- Brad Ziegler picked up the win. Ziegler has quietly been one of baseball's best relievers for the past ten years and is kind of the posterboy for "only closers make the big bucks." He's rarely been a closer, and he makes barely less than Jonathan Broxton, even years after Broxton was a successful closer. Or successful.

- I have no idea if he's going to keep this up, but it sure is nice to see Brian Giles doing so well.

Box Score

Team Statistics

Analysis

Better, but I want to see a 10 game lead from you soon.

Analysis

Rose and Ichiro are doing about as well as could be asked from modern-era guys without any power. Maybe not the best defensively though.

Analysis

Slug Lyfe Jr. remains upset at you for moving the fences out, but they will clear them anyway.

Analysis

Myer Oh Myer!

Analysis

Can't help but think the poor ERAs and 3B Mel Ott are connected somehow.

Analysis

Well, that's a top-2 pick clinched for sure.

Analysis

These pups are on a roll!

Analysis

Who should you draft? I don't know, no glaring weaknesses here. Best available, I guess.

Analysis

Zack Wheat

Analysis

There, you can stop complaining now.

Analysis

The post-Hoss world is a bad one.

Analysis

DiMaggio's return should help.

Analysis

Never a dull game with the Mobsters, that's for sure.

Analysis

Run prevention isn't enough in your division because everyone else is also run preventing.

Analysis

Hmm, that seems like a bad week.

Analysis

I applaud you for doing the right thing against the frog memes.

Analysis

Hey, you found teams worse off than you!

Analysis

If catcher defense does anything in this engine, which it may not, then you'd probably get more value out of Pudgy Rod by having more than one pitcher who can strike-out batsmen.

Analysis

Okay, Satchel is getting back to normal now.

Analysis

Eh.

Standings

Ice To Meet You fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Jan 21, 2017

# ? Jan 21, 2017 03:24

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

Well, looks like I need a DH lineup.

1. Wee Willie Keeler
2. Bill Terry
3. Lefty O'Doul
4. Willie Mays
5. Mel Ott (DH)
6. Rod Carew
7. Travis Jackson
8. Mike Schmidt (3B)
9. Carlton Fisk

# ? Jan 21, 2017 03:34

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Let's get weird.

1.) Demote McGwire. Find whatever coke den Lonnie Smith is hanging out in and inform him he's promoted to the big club.
2.) All lineups: The Griffey/Burks platoon moves to right field. Lonnie Smith starts every day in center. Barry Bonds remains in LF. Gwynn to the bench since he's injured for most of the week.
3.) Press the "sort lineups" button on all 4. I don't know.

Stupid modern team :mad:

# ? Jan 21, 2017 03:43

TKBomber7285: Feb 20, 2011

Champs retain

# ? Jan 21, 2017 04:06

Harlock: Jan 15, 2006; Tap "A" to drink!!!

"Punjabi Prison: representing," he said before going on a 10 game losing streak.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 05:10

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

All retain.

FairGame posted:

HulkaMatt was tracking it.

I wouldn't worry too much about it though because the tag-team tournament typically determines who's in good place to win.

Hahaha yeah I am for sure most definitely folks, and am definitely not completely behind.

For real though - I'll try and get a standings post up after Week 9.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 05:14

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

6-0 week and .500 overall record? January 20th, 2017 is the greatest day ever. Brian "Bull" Dozier was always the missing link.

Pick Em:

Champs retain.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 05:49

Monathin: Sep 1, 2011; ?????????
?

Left with little recourse, I must perhaps do a thing only mrnoun would think to do, but the Duke has failed me for the last time!

Discontinue the CF platoon, Stormin' Gorman Thomas starts full time.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 05:51

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Pungry posted:

6-0 week and .500 overall record? January 20th, 2017 is the greatest day ever. Brian "Bull" Dozier was always the missing link.

Pick Em:

Champs retain.

The important thing is the early 2000s white sox are amazing and propelling you to victory. You're getting a decent season out of shingo takatsu, you are my idol.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 07:36

mrnoun: Jul 24, 2007

Champs retain.

Luna Landers:

Good job, Dale Murphy! Your reward: getting stuck back in the minors. Call up DiMaggio.

New lineup:

LF Raines
CF DiMaggio
RF Aaron
DH Ramirez
1B Robinson
C Lombardi
2B Grich
3B Elliott
SS Ripken

Bench should be unchanged:
Danning
The Cooch
Whitney
Guerrero
Reggie Smith

Pitching! I need to fix the loving pitching!

Rotation:

Whitmore
Bryn Smith
Saberhagen
Hooton
Soto

Next starter should be Soto.
Hooton should have Danning as personal catcher. No one else should have a personal catcher.

Bullpen:

CL Lee Smith
SU Dave Smith
SR Harvey
SR Lavelle
MR Bolin
LR Scott

To facilitate these changes, send JR Richard and Tim Burke to the minors.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 15:06

Robert Deadford: Mar 1, 2008; Ultra Carp

Dragon-Notes

- The bed has comprehensively been shat!
- Looking at the pythagorean record, we might just be experiencing some bad luck. Lambs will be sacrificed.
- It doesn't matter if New Hoss is injured if the other starters aren't getting it done.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 19:47

DannoMack: Aug 1, 2003; i love it when you call me big poppa

DannoMack posted:

Okay I'll do 11 right now then.

If it isn't already spoken for, I'll do season 12 too.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 22:21

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Alright, I guess it's time to post the tag team roster, since I like to be early.

Roster Post for The Third Law

CSV Roster:

code:

#PlayerID,Year,Team,Salary,Years,First Name,Last Name
#Catchers (Mexicutioners),,,,,,
schanwa01,1919,,,,Wally,Schang
yorkru01,1940,,,,Rudy,York
#Infielders (Zephyrs),,,,,,
wanerpa01,1931,,,,Paul,Waner
collied01,1910,,,,Eddie,Collins
friscfr01,1924,,,,Frankie,Frisch
seweljo01,1930,,,,Joe,Sewell
jacksjo01,1920,,,,Joe,Jackson
connoro01,1888,,,,Roger,Connor
frymatr01,1993,,,,Travis,Fryman
#Outfielders (Mexicutioners),,,,,,
greenha01,1940,,,,Hank,Greenberg
averiea01,1940,,,,Earl,Averill
ruthba01,1917,,,,Babe,Ruth
manushe01,1933,,,,Heinie,Manush
gosligo01,1927,,,,Goose,Goslin
#Starters (Mexicutioners),,,,,,
jossad01,1903,,,,Addie,Joss
mathech01,1901,,,,Christy,Mathewson
ruckena01,1913,,,,Nap,Rucker
tanneje01,1908,,,,Jesse,Tannehill
sallesl01,1910,,,,Slim,Sallee
#Relievers (Zephyrs),,,,,,
papeljo01,2010,,,,Jonathan,Papelbon
papeljo01,2013,,,,Jonathan,Papelbon
dibblro01,1993,,,,Rob,Dibble
schilcu01,1996,,,,Curt,Schilling
schilcu01,1997,,,,Curt,Schilling
schilcu01,2000,,,,Curt,Schilling

Lineup:

code:

2B	Eddie Collins
1B	Paul Waner
RF	Babe Ruth
LF	Hank Greenberg
3B	Frankie Frisch
DH	Joe Jackson
CF	Earl Averill
SS	Joe Sewell
C	Wally Schang

Rotation and Bullpen:

code:

SP1	Addie Joss
SP2	Christy Mathewson
SP3	Nap Rucker
SP4	Jesse Tannehill
SP5	Slim Sallee

CL	2010 Jonathan Papelbon	
SU	2013 Jonathan Papelbon	
SR1	Rob Dibble	
SR2	1996 Curt Schilling	
MR	1997 Curt Schilling	
LR	2000 Curt Schilling

Yes, I just took last season's roster, what of it? Why gently caress with a winning team?

# ? Jan 21, 2017 22:37

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XXI, Week 9: Morality, Part Nine

Mortality, Part Nine posted:

The Inner Circle of the South Dakota Marmosets looked grimly at the Base Cloggers' stadium.

"We're not going to learn anything about immortality here." Zodiac5000 said. "Unless, I suppose, you think that by being here, with a team that's so completely doomed, that we learn what immortality is by finding pure mortality, and so kind of learn by the opposite or something?"

"I suppose the counter-factual route might be appealing at the instant." Buck Ewing said. "Given that our previous attempt ended in utter calamity."

"Hey, I killed Wanderlei Bolton." Chelsea Baker said. "And killing is the important thing."

"Agreed, Comrade." The People's Left Hander said, "insofar as we are searching for life, and killing represents the fate that we wish to avoid. We must learn about death to find a way to escape it, not only for us, but for all of the people who are oppressed by death, which has been exploited by the upper classes to terrify and impoverish the working class. They weaponize death."

"I don't think you can do that." Zodiac5000 said. "Weapons are supposed to cause death, if you weaponize death, it's-"

"Hey, everybody!" Shepard popped in. "How's everyone doing?"

"Who the gently caress are you and do you have any sort of super-power that would make it more difficult to murder you?" Baker asked.

"It's me, everyone's favorite Shepard." Shepard said, making jazz hands.

"I don't know how to react to this." Zodiac5000 said. "Then again, is there even a real Shepard? Isn't he the Super-League equivalent of three kittens in a suit standing on each other's shoulders."

"I believe the image you're conjuring is typically children standing on each other's shoulders." Buck Ewing said, "Since the average kitten is not of such stature that three of him, or even a dozen, could reasonably approximate the size of an adult human."

"We don't know that." Zodiac5000 said defensively. "I say that we would need to see three kitten standing on top of each other's shoulders to know that I'm wrong."

"Secretary-General Zodiac5000, your attempt to distract with a pile of kittens will not succeed!" The People's Left Hander said. "What we need now is cold, hard rationality. If we learned anything from recent events, it's that we need not only be concerned with mortality in terms of the normal human modes of death, but also mortality if the entire universe is to be destroyed, as it may be."

"Some would say oblivion is not so bad. My understanding of the Oriental beliefs-" Ewing started.

"Probably shouldn't be saying 'Oriental'" Zodiac5000 suggested.

"Regardless, the idea that oblivion is not an abject improvement to our current station is not a belief that is universally held. In fact, at the core of most religions is the idea that this world we live on is something of a prison that we must escape." Ewing turned away, "Even at the most terrible price."

"Sounds fun!" Shepard said, making jazz hands again.

"If you do that again, I'm going to cut your hands off." Baker said.

"I'm sensing some hostility, which is crazy, because I'm everyone's favorite." Shepard said. "See, even Smasher said so!" He said, taking an inscribed card out of his pocket, and passing it to Zodiac5000.

"'I declare that Shepard is cool, and also that life is fun and worth living. Totes serious, Smashor Dynamo.'" Zodiac5000 read the card and immediately rubbed his brow in frustration. "This isn't even a good lie. First of all, I think Smasher knows how to spell his own name."

"Does he?" Shepard asked. "Maybe he was so high on life that he forgot."

"Yes, Comrade, that does bring us to the other major fault, and that is that Smasher would never say that life is fun or worth living." The People's Left Hander agreed.

"He would when I'm around." Shepard did jazz hands, causing the Marmosets' Inner Circle to wince, and Baker to shake her head.

"You just couldn't loving listen." Baker said, cracking her knuckles. "Not for five loving minutes." Baker advanced on Shepard, ready to do her grim work.

"Immortality?" Pander asked, sitting in his chair, drinking from his glass of fair-trade Brandy. The Inner Circle of the Marmosets looked on, having just been made aware that fair-trade Brandy existed. "I've already achieved it, of course."

"Really?" Zodiac5000 asked.

"Prove that I haven't." Pander said, smugly.

Baker leapt to her feet. "Okay!"

"Chelsea, no." Zodiac5000 said. "Let's hear the man out before you murder him."

Baker thought about it. "No, I don't think so." Baker charged, only to find herself confronted with the Escher-like geometry of the Panderdome, which extended even to the office complex in which the Marmosets had met with Pander. "The gently caress is this?" She said as she ran down a staircase, only to find herself running at a right angle. "You think I'm going to let nerd geometry beat me? I'd loving kill Euclid if he were here right now!"

"Ah, but this geometry is decidedly non-Euclidean." Pander said as he kept drinking his brandy.

"In any event, I don't see how I need to prove my immortality to you. After all, the Marmosets are a middling team, made of middling players, and run by a middling administration." Pander said.

"Cobbles." HoWilliams Monsoon interjected.

"Apologies, I should clarify." Pander looked disdainfully at Monsoon. "Your team averages out to middling. There are plenty of pieces that fall below that mark."

"Hey, don't be mean to Monsoon." Zodiac5000 said. "It's not his fault he's a crime against nature."

"Yes, well, he certainly is misbegotten." Pander said. "As is your team in general. No division titles, and barely any wildcard appearances. Sub-mentholmoosian levels of success, really."

"That, good sir, is uncalled for!" Buck Ewing took umbrage at the last insult. "At least we are not damnable Philadephlia-men who call upon you now."

"A small comfort." Pander said. "But not no comfort, I'll admit. Immortality." Pander mused on the sounds of the word. "It's not for everyone. Only for those, like myself, who have enough to offer the world to justify their continued existence. I see no compelling reason that the Marmosets should keep going on for another second, let alone all time."

"Big talk." Zodiac5000 said. "From a guy scared to face the Macho Men."

"But I have faced the Macho Men." Pander said. "With the Southpaws. It was an experience, and one that I have reflected on. I'll admit, facing the Macho Men again is not high on my list of priorities."

"Scared, right?" Zodiac5000 persisted.

Pander shook his head. "I am merciful. All merciful, really, as one would hope from an immortal. I see that the Macho Men, unlike myself, cannot last forever. Once they are beaten, they will be gone, and Smasher's spirit gone with them most likely. The man has suffered enough hardship, is it really right for me to break his heart by showing off how much greater I am at team construction than he is?"

"I think you know you can't beat them. You couldn't with the Southpaws, and they were the better team." Zodiac5000 goaded Pander on.

Pander just smiled in response, and took another drink of brandy. "I think my greatest quality is knowing that I don't need to prove myself to anyone else. You can sit there, and question my motives, question my heart, but, in the end, I can't say that it really bothers me what you think. I still have the best team in the Super-League, the reigning and defending Super-League Champions, while you have a team that is destined to finish in third place season after season, until the day comes when the Sub-Par League breeds a good enough team to finally dump the Marmosets out into the trash. But I'm more interested in your scheme to acquire the MACHINE."

"Oh, yeah." Zodiac5000 recalled. "I think it's the missing piece. And Beet might be motivated to sell. After all, I recall that you made him angry somehow, angry enough to want to move the MACHINE to prove a point."

"I accused him of using the MACHINE to prop up his lackluster teams." Pander said. "There's something artless about it. Something unnatural. But, tell me, what are you plans to get it, in detail."

"I'll tell you if you tell me the secret to immortality." Zodiac5000 said.

Pander shrugged. "That certainly is something we can discuss."

"Comrades." The People's Left Hander interrupted. "A point of order. Weren't the games against the Panderers played in Sodak?"

"Yeah, I guess they were." Zodiac5000 recalled.

"Then how are we in Pander's office?" The People's Left Hander asked. "How is Chelsea Baker repeatedly defeated by the geometry of this place?" He said, pointing to Baker, who had gotten caught up in a Moebius strip. "How did this meeting begin?"

Zodiac5000 threw up his hands in irritation. "You incepted us!"

"No. Technically, in that movie, 'inception' referred to planting a foreign idea in someone's head through their dreams. This is just me avoiding you by holding this meeting in your dreams as opposed to in real life, where Chelsea Baker would likely try and murder me. Your plan to acquire the MACHINE was quite provocative, but I needed more information, but I had to get it safely." Pander answered, as the ground began to give way as the illusion was broken.

"Wait, but if your immortal, then why are you scared of Chelsea killing you?" Zodiac5000 asked.

"Why, Zodiac5000, one does not become immortal by being killed too often. That is just common sense." Pander said, as the Inner Circle of the Marmosets awakened in Sodak, with Pander and the Panderers long gone.

"I hate Pander." Zodiac5000 said.

"Okay, I've got it!" Eri Yoshida said, lugging in a stack of comic books. "I've found the answer to the location of the Nexus of the Crisis, where we can find the hidden knowledge to lead us to ForeverBWFC!"

"Is that what we've been doing?" Adam Dunn asked. "I kind of lost track somewhere along the way."

"I think it's what we've been doing." McDowell said. "The universe temporarily ending did kind of slow things down for a bit, though. But, hey, yeah, we should do that. How are these comics helpful?"

"These are DC Comics from 1985 and 1986!" Eri Yoshida said, handing a few out.

Dunn and McDowell looked at each other, confused. "Right, wait, are these worth anything?" Dunn said. "Arak, Son of Thunder." He read the title. "Never heard of it." Dunn flipped through the pages. "So, it's about some Indian guy wandering around medieval times using his tomahawk to solve any of all problems, and probably banging some French chick with a sword?" Dunn thought about that. "I mean, it all adds up, for once, but I don't know how that helps us find ForeverBWFC."

McDowell read another comic. "Arion, Lord of Atlantis." He said, "It's about a magic guy wandering around high fantasy times, which was evidently during the Ice Age?" McDowell kept reading. "Maybe before the Ice Age? It's definitely in Atlantis, and he is probably banging some Asian chick with a sword." McDowell said. "Makes you think."

"More women should be taught how to use swords?" Dunn asked.

"Mine comic is titled 'All-Star Squadron'," Bellhorn said, "and appears to be little more than circles of words that loop in on themselves and defy all reason, with its mentions of Earth-2, and Earth-S, and Earth-X, and how they all interrelate, and yet do not, as though the plots that tie them together fall apart at the seams ere they start, rendering them so much a weak broth of pictures and words, watered down with complication, undernourishing, if well-meaning."

"Right, so, where did you get these?" McDowell asked.

"Huh? Oh, I mean, it's not like these are valuable comics or anything. They aren't that old, and they printed tons of them." Yoshida said. "I guess we're not quite at the point where 30-year old comics are valuable in most cases."

"The hell is this?" Dunn showed the cover of "Outsiders #2", depicting a large mushroom cloud with a man's face, smoking a pipe, no less, looming out of the cloud. "It's about the Outsiders, which appear to be some team of nerds, and a Japanese woman with a sword-"

"They were really big on women having swords back then." McDowell said.

"And they're fighting something called "The Nuclear Family" who are a '50s nuclear family who all have nuclear powers of some sort. And apparently, they're just robots, because their creator's family got killed by radiation poisoning, so he was going to get revenge on the world." Dunn said, flipping to another comic. "This one is about the Duke of Oil, who was killed in an oil fire, and then made into a robot. A robot with a cowboy hat. What will they think of next?"

"How does this help us figure out where the Nexus of the Crisis is?" McDowell asked. "Also, isn't there a season going on? Should we be worried about that? It seems liek we ought to be worried about that."

"The Crows are so bad that it's impossible for us to get demoted." Dunn said, propping his feet up on a nearby table. "So we might as well take some time, relax, and really hit things hard next season. I mean, there's no reason to really go crazy right now, especially when we have bigger fish to fry." Dunn snapped his fingers. "Holy gently caress, we're in England. We should get some of those fish and chips things. Chips are fries, right?"

"I think they're closer to steak fries." McDowell said.

"Yeah, good." Dunn said, getting up. "They don't put mayo on them or something, do they?"

"I think salt and vinegar are more common." Yoshida said.

"Vinegar?" Dunn looked skeptically. "loving British people. You take fries, something that should be impossible to gently caress up, and then you say, 'you know what, these things taste too loving good, we need to loving fix that right now. I know, we have this vinegar lying around, it's sour, and only useful as the base of a sauce, but let's just slather it on!" Dunn turned to leave. "But, gently caress it, I'm going to get some fish and chips."

"Wait, but I have to explain how I figured out what 'Nexus of the Crisis' means!" Yoshida said. "It was really clever, sort of!"

"Can it wait until next week?" McDowell asked.

"I guess." Yoshida said, disappointed.

BASEBALL! Week Nine

Here's where I have trouble thinking the H-Zephyrs are truly elite. The Bombers have been having about the worst season that they're capable of, and yet they beat the H-Zephyrs three straight in OKC. Granted, the H-Zephyrs are not good on the road, but that's kind of the problem. Let's say, in a best-of-seven series against a team with good left-handed power (which is to say just about any contender in the Dynamo League at the moment), then they're running on a thin margin. If they drop just one game at home, and as good as they are in Hoboken, they can lose, then they need to win a road game against a playoff team who can and will gash Curt Schilling for dingers.

Now, that could happen, and it probably will, but it would need to happen multiple times, and that could be tough. Could they beat, say, the Sheikhs, the Nine, and then the Doom in a row? I don't know that those are the three teams they'd be facing, but it does seem a fair bet that they'll have to face at least one of the first two at some point.

TheMcD could prove me wrong, but this week certainly didn't.

Despite Atlee's best efforts, and, to his credit, he really did try to get the Generics the titles, the Doom managed to pull out the game.

The problem was that the Doom, if nothing else, will take walks, and lots of them, and Caruthers, though he was able to keep the Doom away from the short fence in Rochester, which is not a small accomplishment, was more than willing to walk loads and loads of hitters, and that proved to be the difference.

That said, there's no reason that Atlee should have almost cost the Doom the game. After all, he's a left-hander, and the Generics have never been able to get that far without their left-handed power hitters. Chalk this one up to a series of weird coincidences that almost forced the Doom to drop their titles, but, ultimately, didn't.

That sounded more interesting in my head.

Okay, okay, okay. I know that I badgered you about putting Dave LaRoche in the bullpen, and then something like this happens. I still think that a bullpen does need at least one lefty to avoid calamity, especially with Darren O'Day soaking up innings.

In any event, one would not have expected HoWilliams Monsoon to suddenly appear, hit a 500-foot home run, and thereby win the game for the Marmosets. It makes no sense. In fact, I refuse to discuss it further, because it's sheer madness.

All hail BETA-Betances!

The Lookers' infield defense is not quite a thing of beauty. In fact, it's made up mostly of guys who had to end up moving to first base midway through their careers. Banks, to his credit, was considered a good enough fielder, and had to move to first base because of his bad knees. Carew, on the other hand, wasn't a great fielder, and while you might think he moved to second base because the Angels had Bobby Grich, he actually moved there while he was with the Twins to make way for the great Bob Randall. Brett was also less than stellar at third base, and spent most of the latter part of his career at first base and DH.

You could make the case, as their managers did at the time, that the moves were made to preserve the bats of these players, and given Banks' home run hitting ability, Carew's contact hitting, and Brett's pine tar-fueled batsmanship, there's probably something to that. On the other hand, all three got moved in what was ostensibly the prime of their careers.

As for Boggs, he actually won two Gold Gloves late in his career with the Yankees. Albeit, those were days when Dean Palmer, Jim Thome, and Edgar Martinez were all starting third basemen in the AL (in fact, they were the starting 3Bs on the other contenders in the AL at that time). So, I can imagine a bunch of writers going to a late-season Indians/Yankees game, watching Jim Thome lumber out to third base, and then seeing Wade Boggs do okay, and decide that, from a relative perspective, Boggs had to be a Gold Glover.

Team Statistics

Analysis

Good!

Analysis

Not as good!

Analysis

BETANCES!

Analysis

This team has time to get ahead of the Lookers.

Analysis

Pitching is not good.

Analysis

Dead.

Analysis

Paper tiger.

Analysis

This team is going to have to work to stay out of last place.

Analysis

STOP WHINING!

Analysis

Eh.

Analysis

I don't know what to do.

Analysis

A good team in a hard division.

Analysis

Also a good team in a hard division.

Analysis

Third place in the division is wide-open.

Analysis

Better, I guess.

Analysis

This team might just win its division.

Analysis

Well, at least you aren't in last.

Analysis

Good enough!

Analysis

Not ideal injuries.

Analysis

Super-unlucky, and yet still in first.

Analysis

This team still has a puncher's chance.

Analysis

This team has a chance to get more distance against the Sheikhs next week.

Analysis

Not completely out of it, because the RCMP have been disappointing.

Analysis

Baffling.

Standings

# ? Jan 22, 2017 00:24

TheFlyingLlama: Jan 2, 2013; You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and be a llama?

Archiving update/request

pretty sure that seasons 1-12 are accounted for, but I don't know if anyone is doing anything past that. If you plan to, please mention it in the thread so no one doubles up

past that, for the current thread all we're doing for archiving is just quoting the post to be archived, and saving it to a word doc of some kind or another, nothing fancy. I think Smasher mentioned some sort of compensation for archived seasons, so if you want that, go ahead and claim some seasons and do them

# ? Jan 22, 2017 00:25

Craig K: Nov 10, 2016; puck

--->

<--- make bullpen be this thanks and god bless

Craig K fucked around with this message at 00:44 on Jan 22, 2017

# ? Jan 22, 2017 00:39

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Still not used to this idea of my team being considered a real contender.

Thompson in for Duffy. Also, I'm going to try a little Schilling Shuffle. SP3 Schilling goes to SRP2. LR Schilling goes to SP3. Minors Schilling goes to LR. Zach Britton therefore goes to the minors.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 00:42

DannoMack: Aug 1, 2003; i love it when you call me big poppa

tired and sore lineup changes, if it wasn't risking injury to leave it be I would wait until injured ruth was back for a roster update sorry.

Please send down Bret Boone and call up Frank Laporte.
Please send down Red Lucas and call up Frank Kitson. Let's be frank about things.

vs RHP
CF Billy Hamilton L
3B Wade Boggs L
1B Harmon Killebrew R
RF Babe Ruth L
SS Joe Sewell L
2B Frank Laporte R
LF Clyde Milan L
C Roger Bresnahan R

SP5: Larry Jackson
LR: Frank Kitson

Thanks Smasher.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 01:07

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

PLAYER CHALLENGE: Stan Musial

DEAREST SMASHER DYNAMO - LEADER, OWNER & COMMISSIONER OF THE SUPER LEAGUE ORGANIZATION IN THE "LET'S PLAY" SUB FORUM ON THE SOMETHING AWFUL "GAMES" FORUM WHICH IS FOUND ON THE FORUMS OF THE SOMETHING AWFUL WEBSITE https://www.somethingawful.com

Hello my old friend. It is me, the former PSP Moderator - HulkaMatt. I know you have hoped to receive good news on the destruction of the one known as Leati Joseph Anoa'i AKA "Roman Reigns". Unfortunately though this letter has nothing to do with World Wrestling Entertainment. I can however assure you that I am working diligently to keep him from winning the Royal Rumble as you wish.

My primary reason for contacting you today is because I wish to challenge the current performance of the Crows starting 1st Baseman - Stanley Frank Musial. As you know I acquired the ~~1954 "Say Hey Kid"~~ 1948 "Stan the Man" in a trade with the Genoa Janus on August 1st, 2015. A trade which saw me give away 1954 Willie Mays, 2002 Mariano Rivera, My Super Draft XVII Round 2 Pick, and my Dispersal Draft XVI R4 Pick. It was worth it though, as in return I was receiving the primest of prime Stans! One of the greatest of all time. A player that is a lock to do at least OK any season. So far, as much as I miss Mariano Rivera and Willie Mays - the trade has been worth it!

But this season...Unfortunately, Mr. Dynamo, as you know, has been terrible for the Crows! While I fully knew ~~Willie Mays~~ Stan Musial wouldn't perform anywhere close to his career ~~.302/.384~~ .331/.417 statline - I think we both had no idea he would perform at the low level he has been currently performing.

As of right now, My ~~1954 Willie Mays~~ 1948 Stan Musial is looking to perform worse than any Stan Musial in Super League History! Is this for real? How has this happened?! ~~How have I gone from the worst 2004 Manny to the worst 1954 Mays?!?~~ It's a travesty I tell you! An absolute travesty!!!

Let's look at the numbers:

pre:

Season                      Team                       Games Played              Stats

REAL LIFE 1948              Cardinals                  155                       .376/.450/.702 | 39 HR | 200 OPS+
SL Season XVII              Crows                      162                       .268/.320/.423 | 22 HR | 106 OPS+
SL Season XVIII             Crows                      162                       .264/.332/.421 | 19 HR | 112 OPS+
SL Season XIX               Crows                      161                       .256/.318/.427 | 23 HR | 103 OPS+
SL Season XX                Crows                      154                       .303/.350/.458 | 18 HR | 116 OPS+
Current Season:             Crows                      Like 50 or something      .209/.249/.??? | 01 HR | ??? OPS+

THE WORST STANS IN SL HISTORY

LOWEST AVG BY A STAN MUSIAL IN SL HISTORY: .209 (THIS ONE WAS 40 YEARS OLD)

LOWEST OBP BY A STAN MUSIAL IN SL HISTORY: .296 (32 YEARS OLD, AND .047 HIGHER THAN CROWS COOLER, MORE HIP WITH THE YOUTH AND PRIME MVP STAN!!!)

It's no secret that Stan the Man won't perform to the level of his real life self in the Super League. If it does happen, it will happen really rarely. However, there is no reason why this tremendous player should be performing at such a low level. It just doesn't make sense!

And it's not just every Stan in the league. It's just mine.

A 23 year old Stan on the Nine is hitting .276/.333.
The South Dakota Marmosets Stan, a year younger than mine - is hitting .297/.339.
The Mexicutioners have a 42 year old Stan hitting .296/.348 (though I understand the MEX stadium is nuts).

Stan isn't the only problem on the Crows right now. Everyone is under performing outside of Babe Ruth and Pete Rose.

Josh Gibson is only hitting .248/.302 - but he can turn it around.

Prime Mickey Mantle after 3 very good seasons, is hitting with the 2nd lowest AVG and OBP in SL History. I'd personally like to challenge him also, but bad performances from Mickey are way more frequent than Stan.

But Stan Musial. Stan Musial should be performing at a much higher level. You know it. I know it. The entire league knows it.

The Crows aren't going to have a lot of victories this season. It's going to be hard to beat the current tag team champions and survive.

But I beg of you:

Please

PLEASE

Please fix Stan.

Thank you for reading.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 01:44

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Oh no!

Bonus Wagner
Babe Adams (SP) - 14 days

Midway Mobsters
Frank Robinson (RF) - 27 days

# ? Jan 22, 2017 01:51

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Well that's not good for my offense.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 02:24

TheFlyingLlama: Jan 2, 2013; You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and be a llama?

seasons 1-5 have been archived

link can be found here

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B8BU923IM3F7M0syMXpYdUZOZWc

time to get back to drinking

# ? Jan 22, 2017 02:57

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

Okay, that's it for Parisian Bob.

Caruthers to the minors. Promote Dazzy Vance into the 5 spot on the rotation. Stan Williams takes over SR.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 03:27

Revenant Threshold: Jan 1, 2008

Ok, so I have two players with batting averages above .400. This is by absolutely no means sustainable, but so long as when they come down those guys hitting in the .200's will go up I am fine with that.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 04:06

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

More titles to lose!

Put Bonds in at DH for Hornsby, starting DH against righties and lefties. Also I guess put Nathan in for Rivera.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 04:39

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

Willie Stargell why are you starting a game in LF you are not in my starting lineup you stop that right now.

Stargell to the minors. Ernie Banks to the bench, for rest. Promote (gulp) Rick Burleson to SS.

Burleson really isn't the everyday starter I want while hoping to make up some games against the Zephyrs, but c'est la guerre.

Lookers' improvement priorities: better outfielders, then a starter or two, then a half-decent bullpen maybe I guess. Infield defense would be nice but my 2B and SS have the best OBA on the team and it's hard for me to want to give that up. Am I entirely wrongheaded, thinking this?

# ? Jan 22, 2017 10:19

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Willie Stargell why are you starting a game in LF you are not in my starting lineup you stop that right now.

Stargell to the minors. Ernie Banks to the bench, for rest. Promote (gulp) Rick Burleson to SS.

Burleson really isn't the everyday starter I want while hoping to make up some games against the Zephyrs, but c'est la guerre.

Lookers' improvement priorities: better outfielders, then a starter or two, then a half-decent bullpen maybe I guess. Infield defense would be nice but my 2B and SS have the best OBA on the team and it's hard for me to want to give that up. Am I entirely wrongheaded, thinking this?

I would be extremely interested in acquiring your George Brett after the season and probably will have pitching to spare. Is he available since you're using him at 1b?

# ? Jan 22, 2017 14:53

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

For reference, I'm working on archiving SL16 right now.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 14:55

The Merry Marauder: Apr 4, 2009; "But she goes not abroad, in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own."

Joe Jackson and Whitaker to the DL.

Jim Gilliam and Willie Kamm up.

Kamm gets 3B starts this week.

Billy Williams is full-time LF.

Thanks.

I didn't know Eri Yoshida was interested in astronomy.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 17:15

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Packers mean an early injury report!

Make Tag Teams! Post Tag Team Rosters!

Week 10 Injury Report

Base Cloggers
Riggs Stephenson (2B/LF) (Jazz hands!) - Out for season

Kobe Crows
Hank Aaron (OF) (Processing fee for your challenge) - 10 days

Nega-Llamas
Eddie Collins (2B) (A big problem) - 33 days

Pick 'em: It's not easy

Triple Crown Championships
Oklahoma City Bombers (c) @ South Bolton Eazy W's

UNIFICATION MATCH!
Doom (tri) unify vs. both retain vs. @ Warriors (us) unify

# ? Jan 22, 2017 19:19

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

Everyone retains.

# ? Jan 22, 2017 19:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 11, 2024 21:41

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

All retain

# ? Jan 22, 2017 19:23

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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