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Spermy Smurf posted:I had an outage in New York so will be back in like 15hrs to run a fight. You have an A game?
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Jan 27, 2017 01:37
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I am the god drat betting leader and kill leader after two rounds. What kind of A game do you have, punk? 
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Jan 27, 2017 01:40
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Spermy Smurf posted:I am not bringing my A game this round. A sub-standard issue Spermy Smurf writeup, then. Got it. Good plan, stick with what you know.
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Jan 27, 2017 01:46
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 Round 3, Fight 6 Goons of Yore (0-2) is on the left side of the arena. HanzoSteel McSperg the 2nd (moleboy) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper long sword and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm and a copper breast plate. Accrington Stabley (fallingdownjoe) is a male kobold. He wields an iron bow and wears no armor. Sarah of the Silken Beard (Cythereal) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets. Spermy is a really bad commissioner (0-2) is on the right side of the arena. Yer Tie (Pickled Tink) is a female yeti. She is empty handed and wears a copper helm and leather leggings. SECRETLY MADE ONLY OF SPIDERS (ZeeToo) is a male minotaur. He wields a copper spear and a wooden shield and wears no armor. Pierre Tanoy the Tree Cutter (Fermata) is a male elf. He wields a copper pick and a copper shield and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, silver gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Goons of Yore is a 1.03 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 774.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 750.00 dwarfbucks for Spermy is a really bad commissioner.  It's going to be a 2v3 melee in the middle unless Accrington can land a hit with his arrow.  His target is Secretly Spiders... but the minotaur casually blocks the projectile on his shield.  The remaining fighters clash and Secretly Spiders chops HanzoSteel's right front foot to the bone. Tendons are severed, but the moleman doesn't even register that he's been hurt. Pierre Tanoy the elf swings his pick and connects with Sarah's foot for a superficial wound.  Yer Tie forces HanzoSteel to dodge north but the moleman slashes Yer Tie's arm slightly during his retreat. In the south Pierre chops Sarah's other foot deeply.  Accrington tries to help his dwarven teammate but the blow is blocked by Secretly Spiders again.  Secretly Spiders puts his spear into the same foot and Sarah is unconscious.  The huge minotaur stabs Sarah's head and then moves north to gang up on the moleman.  But what is this? Hanzo ignores blows from Pierre (who stood up without ever having fallen down  ) and then chops deep into Yer Tie's right calf. That plus an earlier chopping of the yeti's arm is enough to send her into dreamland. Accrington sends an arrow to help HanzoSteel and... well, I mean technically it's a hit. It plunges deep into the unconscious Yer Tie's pancreas. No more insulin for you, Yer Tie.  It's still technically 2v2. Secretly Spiders spears HanzoSteels left leg and the moleman falls to the floor. He's still got plenty of fight in him but he's being speared an picked with abandon by the two standing fighters. HanzoSteel's legs are being chopped to pieces. He's deflected all the blows at his body with his shield, so he's still in the fight.  His heart is mangled beyond recognition. Well, Hanzo you had a good run. I can't find this in the logs at all. Hanzo hasn't taken a shot to the upper body or chest yet. I legitimately don't know who hosed up his heart but that's a killshot if I've ever seen one.  Accrington sends another arrow in the fray and connects! Minotaur teeth fly through the air as the arrow stops within Secretly Spiders' mouth. Hanzo has got to be just about dead by now...  His heart is bruised. What? Molemen heal? I mean, he's completely hosed anyway, but I didn't think a mangled heart would heal like that. Does he have spare hearts in there or something?  Secretly Spiders and Pierre continue to rain blows on the downed Hanzo. His shield is blocking a lot of blows but we'll see how long that lasts. Whats at the end of the gif? Is that a bodypart?  I'm disgusted with the entire team of Spermy is a really bad commissioner. This is torture, not fighting. Hanzo is now shieldless (and handless) so we'll see how much longer he lasts with his regenerative powers.  Just let it end already. I assume Hanzo is praying for death.  Hanzo finally passes out from exhaustion and Accrington sends another arrow in. Blocked by Secretly Spiders again...  2v1 now...  Accrington reloads and fires point blank... The arrow flies into Pierres shin, chipping bone and sending the elf to the floor. Pierre has the last laugh as his pick is already buried in Accrington's stomach and his guts are falling to the floor.  A few more stabs from Secretly and then Pierre pikes his head for the kill. Spermy is a really bad commissioner wins with what amounts to torture of a moleman. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Kills: SECRETLY MADE ONLY OF SPIDERS: 2 Pierre Tanoy: 1 Combat Log 
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Jan 27, 2017 15:01
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Jan 28, 2017 01:49
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archers are so useless
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Jan 28, 2017 02:15
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You know, I can't even be mad about that, Hanzo literally took all of the hits, and then somehow healed up his heart in order to fight on through what I am assuming is some super powerful anime ability. No kills but man he is a champ in my heart. At least it wasn't a headshot after a freakin snakebite again.
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Jan 28, 2017 04:54
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Splode posted:Did Zeetoo die? It's not fair if spermy has to run every fight. Yes, my funeral was Monday. Those not in attendance will be punished. I anticipate a resurrection about the second week of February. Sorry, guys. Basically just burnt out while trying to do too many other things at once. Not going anywhere, but need recharge to do it decently.
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Jan 28, 2017 05:20
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ZeeToo posted:Yes, my funeral was Monday. Those not in attendance will be punished. No worries, glad you're still about. I'm just terrified at the thought of spermy burning out because commissioning looks like a pain in the arse, but I need arena blood to get through the working day.
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Jan 28, 2017 05:24
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Splode posted:No worries, glad you're still about. I'm just terrified at the thought of spermy burning out because commissioning looks like a pain in the arse, but I need arena blood to get through the working day. Volunteer to be a commissioner, and you can have all the Arena blood you could ever want and more! 
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Jan 30, 2017 00:18
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Round 3, Fight 5 Bad Munki's Team (2-0) is on the left side of the arena. Spermy Smurf (Coward) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Keith Vaz (Dirty Frank) is a male tigerman. He wields a steel long sword and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. 2016 (goatface) is a male dwarf. He wields a silver maul and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Hitmen for Armok (2-0) is on the right side of the arena. CID STEELFORGE (dmboogie) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and wears an iron helm, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. I Bite You! (Fuubi) is a female serpent man. She is empty handed and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, an iron breast plate, and iron gauntlets. Audrey Gravescreams (Ramc) is a female human. She wields an iron long sword and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Hitmen for Armok is a 1.51 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 5991.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 3966.00 dwarfbucks for Bad Munki's Team.  This is a clash of titans here. Both teams are 2-0. Okay, so Titans was an overstatement, but someone is going to come out of this with their first loss.  The fighters clash and from outward appearances the first blood doesn't look that bad. However, Keith Vaz's spine was shattered by CID STEELFORGE's spear. Keith Vaz drops his sword and falls to the floor paralyzed.  Spermy Smurf cannot penetrate his fellow snakeman's armor with his teeth. I Bite You bites back and is similarly repelled by armor. Keith Vaz loses a tail, fractured arm, and his other arm is fractured as well. Good thing he can't feel anything! Keith Vaz loses a hand to Audrey and then 2016 arrives with his maul and steals her attention. CID STEELFORGE bruises Spermy Smurf's lung through armor and then the amazing happens: I Bite You penetrates Spermy Smurf. Venom is injected into Spermy Smurf's blood but it doesn't do anything. That was anticlimactic.  Spermy Smurf is Eiffle-Towered and his mouth is ruined from one end while his tail is blasted from the other. Audrey Gravecreams continues to remove bodyparts from Keith Vaz. Spermy Smurf gives in to the  2016 is the bottom dwarf and he has no idea what to do. He swings ineffectually at Audrey while she finishes off Keith Vaz, then changes targets to swing and miss at I Bite You.  It's 3v1 and poor 2016 is about to get proper hosed.  But whats this? 2016 goes into a trance! Blows bounce from his armor. Neck, head, chest, limbs... the blows bounce off to no effect.  CID STEELFORGE gets a little cocky and a one-two combo from 2016 shatters his spine and then his torso. It's now 2v1 everyone!  2016 seems to dance around, dodging, blocking, and returning strikes at a rate of 3:1. Audrey and I Bite You are peppered with blows.  2016 shatters I Bite You's left forearm and pulps his right arm. Audreys armor holds up better and she sustains multiple bruises and is completely unable to touch the dodgy dwarf.  2016 leads them on a merry chase and continues to pepper the duo with his maul. He causes a dozen bruises from solid blows, and finally crushes Audrey's right forearm with a massive strike.  Audrey literally can't even. She charges 2016 and sends the tranced dwarf sprawling. I Bite You has no arms to do anything with, so he continues to bite ineffectually and get his mouth deflected by armor over and over.  2016 gets to his feet, parries Audreys sword with ease, and then punches her in the throat so hard it explodes! An artery is opened and blood shoots across the arena floor. 2016: I was attacked. I'm panicking! I'm panicking! It sure doesn't look like you're panicking little dude.  Audrey bleeds out moments later.  2016 dodges back and the reality slams home. He's no longer tranced, is completely over-exerted, but at the same time he's not hurt hardly at all while his snakeman opponent has two arms that are mostly gristle at this point.  Now that 2016 isn't in a trance he's easier for I Bite You to catch. The dwarfs stomach is bitten hard, but the armor holds. Guts are bruised and 2016 is nauseous.  2016 doesn't let that bother him and knocks most of the snakemans teeth out.  Now it's a race to see who passes out first. Both fighters are exhausted. I have been hitting the "advance one" button an awful lot. Lets see...   We're three days into the battle so far.  It finally happens. 2016 passes out from exhaustion and from throwing up so much.  It's now the 5th day of combat and 2016 gets to his feet! I Bite You spent the better part of two days biting armor and being denied!  Oh the tables have turned! 2016 can't find his maul so he begins biting I Bite You by the head! He finally finds his maul and beings smashing away.  It is now day 8 in the arena with nothing to eat or drink for either gladiator. I would think the dwarf at least would be dead from dehydration but what do I know?  Are you loving kidding me? Both are unconscious now.  And they are both back on their feet! 2016 manages to grab the snake by the throat and begins squeezing. I Bite You bites again and again but iron gauntlets are impenetrable due to his lack of teeth.  It's all over. Finally. Bad Munki's Team win with a horribly annoying, yet incredibly impressive come-from-way-the-gently caress-behind 3-2 victory. Kills: 2016: 3 Audrey: 1 CID STEELFORGE: 1 Combat Log 
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Jan 30, 2017 17:03
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When snakemen bite, dwarves bite back!
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Jan 30, 2017 17:10
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2016 will not be denied.
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Jan 30, 2017 18:31
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2016 just won a 1v3 and I don't think people are appreciating this as much as they should. He's almost as good as DickSpear.
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Jan 30, 2017 20:03
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Spermy Smurf posted:2016 just won a 1v3 and I don't think people are appreciating this as much as they should. I mean, come on, it's 2016, people.
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Jan 30, 2017 20:57
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Oh, is that a joke how 2016 murdered half of the celebrities in the world? I'm so bad with these names. I know half of them are probably a joke of some kind but I only get the puns.
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Jan 30, 2017 21:20
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Spermy Smurf posted:
CID's bare, unarmored dwarf torso continues to be his only weakness. 
dmboogie fucked around with this message at 22:39 on Jan 30, 2017 |
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Jan 30, 2017 21:45
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Holy poo poo! Very nice work, bullshit trance! And it is seriously depressing to watch two snakemen face up against each other.
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Jan 30, 2017 21:48
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I love trances, that was great
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Jan 30, 2017 22:24
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Trances are dumb and bad and I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous. Why would you think I'm jealous?
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Jan 31, 2017 01:00
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Splode posted:archers are so useless He's not the only one. In every single fight to date, Sarah's been ganged up on and summarily dispatched without ever inflicting a notable wound of her own.
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Jan 31, 2017 03:16
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Trances are bad.
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Jan 31, 2017 03:53
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Coward posted:Holy poo poo! Very nice work, bullshit trance! And it is seriously depressing to watch two snakemen face up against each other. They're kissing.
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Jan 31, 2017 07:55
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gg 2016, you're a gun son
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Jan 31, 2017 12:01
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Round 3, Fight 4 Puffier Areolas (1-1) is on the left side of the arena. Buttdork the Second (Frozen_Flame) is a female tigerman. She is empty handed and wears a steel helm. Asclepius' Rod (Mygna) is a male serpent man. He wields a bronze spear and wears a bronze mail shirt and bronze gauntlets. Jareth (titty_baby_) is a male goblin. He wields an iron spear and a wooden buckler and wears a leather cap and a copper mail shirt. Mafia Hit Squad (0-2) is on the right side of the arena. KKKKCCCCHHHHH!!! (Zwingley) is a female dark gnome. She wields a steel large dagger and wears no armor. Buddy (iLonie) is a male elf. He wields a steel long sword and wears a leather cap, leather armor, and leather gauntlets. Natural Causes (AecTalek) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, a copper mail shirt, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots.  Puffier Areolas is a 2.04 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 1334.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 653.00 dwarfbucks for Mafia Hit Squad.  And yeah, I bet on both teams. big whoop. If by some miracle the Hit Squad wins it'll outweigh the lost dorfbux. Or maybe not, I didn't do the math I just shoot from the hip here.  The fight starts out bloody. Jareth spears Buddy's hand, but then Jareth's hand is grabbed by Natural Causes. Asclepius sends his spear into Buddy's leg and buddy falls to the floor. Jareth is annoyed Natural Causes grabbed his thumb so he spears the huge yeti in the hand. Up north Buttdork punches KKKCCCCHHH's foot and it explodes into gore. Natural Causes tries to replicate the feat on Jareth but the punch passes right through for some reason. KKKKKCCCHHH isn't out of it though! On the way to the floor his steel dagger stabs Buttdorks bicep to shreds.  Buddy isn't doing so well. Asclepius removes his hand.  Natural Causes takes down the goblin Jareth but Jareth's spear chips his thigh bone on the way down and the yeti passes out. In the north Buttdork grabs and bends the dark gnomes wrist backwards. KKKKCCCHHH screams in pain and slashes Buttdorks chest wide open and the tiger passes out.  Asclepius spears Buddy to death. Up north KKKCCCHHH has severed Buttdorks spine and basically  him for a minute. The snake Asclepius moves north to help Buttdork and sends the dark gnomes right arm flying. Jareth spears Natural Causes until the yeti's head explodes.  KKKCCHHH bites Buttdork so hard that muscle dents and then shakes Buttdork around but Asclepius removes his head quickly and easily. Puffier Areolas wins with a very quick and efficient 3-0 victory. Kills: Asclepius: 2 Jareth: 1 Combat Log 
Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 20:29 on Jan 31, 2017 |
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Jan 31, 2017 20:27
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gently caress yeah, my fighters first kill and it's a yeti
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Jan 31, 2017 22:07
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The flip side of that is that your first kill was a yeti.
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Feb 1, 2017 00:47
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You killed 7529 pounds of yeti meat, but could only carry 600 back to the wagon.
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Feb 1, 2017 02:24
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Round 3, Fight 3 Puffy Areolas (1-1) is on the left side of the arena. Pepperoni (synthorange) is a female werewolf. She wields a bronze halberd and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Alt-right hook (Afriscipio) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears an iron cap, leather armor, iron gauntlets, and leather low boots. Popopo (GreyPowerVan) is a male strangler. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm. Christmas is Canceled (2-0) is on the right side of the arena. THE ENTIRE BEE MOVIE SCRIPT (jon joe) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields two wooden spears and a copper spear and wears a leather cap. Minos Jr (Maarak) is a male minotaur. He wields a copper war hammer and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, and iron gauntlets. Karl Barx (The Mattybee) is a male werewolf. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots.  Christmas is Canceled is a 1.63 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 2825.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1730.00 dwarfbucks for Puffy Areolas.  Size is about equal here. An Antman and Strangler on each side and two big brutes as teammates for each team.  The first clash is pretty brutal. Minos gores Pepperoni but only causes a bruise. Popopo shatters Karl Barx's upper arm with his spear while teammate Pepperoni removes an arm from the antwoman Bee Movie. Bee Movie returns the favor with a pretty good stab to Pepperoni's left forearm. Popopo is deadly and proves it with another stab this time deep into Minos Jr's bicep.  Everyone pairs off. Bee Movie stabs Popopo in the stomach and it goes right through to spear the spine. Popopo gasps in pain and receives a second spearing to his arm and down goes the strangler. In the north Alt-Right the troll takes down Karl Barx with a judo move. Well, he grabbed his index finger and took him down so maybe it's more of a Kung-fu Panda kind of thing? Just below them Minos swings and misses at the quick werewolf Pepperoni.  The fighters converge in the middle and blows are traded with everyone. Karl Barx gets his elbow bent completely backwards by Alt Right the troll. Minos attempts to save his teammate and shatters Alt Rights foot, sending him to the floor. Pepperoni wandered too close to Bee Movie and receives a spear straight through his forearm for his negligence. Pepperonis halberd clangs to the floor.  Minos and Karl Barx gang up on Alt Right. The troll takes down Karl Barx, then is bitten. The troll throws Karl Barx into the air and then Minos' hammer comes down with a crunch directly onto his head. Alt Right's skull is shattered and brain flies across the arena floor. On the right Pepperoni doesn't really miss his halberd that much. The wolf bites and tears one of Bee Movie's arms clear off.  Karl Barx (wolf on the left) lands with a bone-jarring impact. Minos and the stunned wolf move right to help Bee Movie who doesn't look so good with two hands spraying ichor everywhere.  Pepperoni lets BEE MOVIE's mangled second right hand drop away as She attacks. Pepperoni gets a copper spear through the thigh, followed with a wood spear through a hand courtesy of the antwoman Bee Movie. Minos arrives and distracts Pepperoni for a moment. Bee Movie plants a spear through the werewolfs thigh and that's finally enough for Pepperoni who passes out.  It's 3 very injured versus 2 unconscious fighters. Minos crushes a second skull of the match.  And then Bee Movie finishes off Popopo. Christmas is Canceled wins with a quick and dirty 3-0 victory. Kills: Minos Jr: 2 Bee Movie: 1 Combat Log 
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Feb 2, 2017 14:51
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I finally remembered to make a bet! And I picked the right team!
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Feb 2, 2017 15:03
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Bad Munki posted:I finally remembered to make a bet! And I picked the right team! Always bet on DBZ Wait, wrong betting show
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Feb 2, 2017 16:26
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On another note fights should speed up drastically again...   ...unless GOG has a sale on another awesome game. Edit: Oh god Kings Quest 1-6 is on sale for $8. Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 15:10 on Feb 3, 2017 |
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Feb 3, 2017 14:45
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Sorry to get your hopes up everyone. I'll try to finish up this round today so we can get bets placed for monday.  There are a lot of player created modules too. Like thousands.
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Feb 3, 2017 15:13
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Spermy Smurf posted:On another note fights should speed up drastically again... God drat it, man, I hadn't finished that game, either! 
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Feb 3, 2017 15:55
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Its fifteen years old! There are people reading this thread that probably have fighters in this tournament who are younger than that game. Running a fight now.
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Feb 3, 2017 15:58
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Round 3, Fight 2 Bizarre Adventurers (1-1) is on the left side of the arena. The Last Pirouette (I R SMART LIKE ROCK) is a female werewolf. She wields a silver war hammer and wears an iron helm and an iron mail shirt. Kung-Fu Prancer (astus) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Iam Lefthanded (habituallyred) is a female tigerman. She wields an iron long sword and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm. Bizarrest Overthinkers (0-2) is on the right side of the arena. Neck Size Optimiser (AJ_Impy) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears no armor. GRAARG! (A good poster) is a male yeti. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears no armor. Polyctena the Survivor (Maigius) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields a copper spear and a copper shield and wears a copper helm, two copper mail shirts, a copper breast plate, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots.  Bizarre Adventurers is a 2.85 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 1600.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 561.00 dwarfbucks for Bizarrest Overthinkers.  Size definitely might be an issue here. The Adventurers on the left are huge compared to the Overthinkers on the right.  The fighters clash and it's a doozy. Lefthanded leads with his sword and the first swing nearly decapitates GRAARG.  Polyctena and Neck Size dodge away after that fearsome display, but Lefthanded manages to slash one of the antwomans hands in half. Pirouette catches Neck Size with her hammer and the stranglers arm is broken. Things are looking pretty bleak for Bizarrest Overthinkers.  As if on cue the two Overthinkers leap to attack! Neck Size is 1v1 with Prancer in the north and two savage bites send the minotaur reeling backward in pain. In desperation the huge minotaur throws the smaller strangler away. In the south Polyctena is fighting a desperate 1v2. She manages to stab Piroutee straight through his forearm.  And that's it for Polyctena. She loses a foot to Lefthanded and then Piroutte crushes another hand to paste. Lefthanded cleaves a second arm and Polyctena passes out from pain. Up north Neck Size lands with a thud and gets unsteadily to his feet.  Lefthanded finishes off Polyctena and the two huge fighters move north to engage Neck Size.  It's not pretty. Bodyparts fly. Bodyparts are crushed.  Neck Size bleeds to death just after Pirouette crushes his arm with her hammer. Prancer lets him go, then he bleeds out so the kill goes to Prancer as the last one to touch him. Bizarre Adventurers wins a 3-0 victory with a first-strike that really set the tone. Kills: Lefthanded: 2 Kung Fu Prancer: 1 Combat Log 
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Feb 3, 2017 16:31
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NWN2 Storm of Zehir was my favorite, and I know some of you think that's dumb, but I think I've made it very clear that despite all your fighters always doing better than all my fighters, I still think you're all a bunch of dumb dumbs and I care for your opinion not one bit  Unless you can tell me how to make a winning fighter. Please, please tell me. It's the only thing I care about in this whole world.
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Feb 3, 2017 16:35
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I did it again! Also NWN sucks
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Feb 3, 2017 16:43
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Cathode Raymond posted:NWN2 Storm of Zehir was my favorite, and I know some of you think that's dumb, but I think I've made it very clear that despite all your fighters always doing better than all my fighters, I still think you're all a bunch of dumb dumbs and I care for your opinion not one bit Naked Yeti, all points into kicking.
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Feb 3, 2017 17:05
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| # ? May 26, 2024 15:06 |
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Cathode Raymond posted:NWN2 Storm of Zehir was my favorite, and I know some of you think that's dumb, but I think I've made it very clear that despite all your fighters always doing better than all my fighters, I still think you're all a bunch of dumb dumbs and I care for your opinion not one bit 1. Actually, Mask of the Betrayer was the best. 2. Make a build, any build. Then make another build. Test them against one another a few times. Take the winner, and likewise test it against another new fighter. Keep going until you get a small stable of the best and then pick your favorite.
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Feb 3, 2017 17:17
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