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quote:Neck Size Optimize_OVER misses Kung Fu Prancer_ADV!  Spinal cord got severed, but she kept on gnashing away to the end. Godspeed, little bitey unarmoured maniac.
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Feb 3, 2017 17:21
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| # ? May 26, 2024 11:06 |
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 Round 3, Fight 1 not going to overthink things (1-1) is on the left side of the arena. Noose (frankenfreak) is a male strangler. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Yet I Live (Maugrim) is a female yeti. She wields a bronze halberd and wears a bronze cap and bronze low boots. The Green Menace (captaindirtnap) is a male elf. He wields a copper mace and wears no armor. Bizarrer Adventurers (2-0) is on the right side of the arena. DickSpear (Spermy Smurf) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron battleaxe and wears an iron cap, leather armor, leather leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Snakes Laugh At The Human 1/2 (Tunicate) is a female serpent man. She is empty handed and wears an iron helm and an adamantine mail shirt. BEHOLD! a beehole? (Anchors) is a female goblin. She wields a silver war hammer and wears an adamantine helm.  Bizarrer Adventurers is a 2.89 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 5645.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1956.00 dwarfbucks for not going to overthink things.  Sizes are roughly the same with a nod to Overthink on the left due to a yeti.  The fighters clash and Snakes launches his mouth at Green Menace. An elf hand is snagged and bitten; venom is injected.  Down goes Green Menace. Dickspear takes a scratch from Yet I Live and ends up with a bruised lung from it. Dickspear retaliates and chops Yet I Live's leg out from under him and the yeti crashes to the floor next to his elven teammate. Noose hasn't made an appearance in the combat log yet. He came in then dodged back and then did it again for some reason.  Yet I Live plants his halberd in Beholds foot but that just opens his flank to Dickspear. The werewolf smashes his axe into the yeti's chest and Yet I Live passes out. Noose makes his first appearance but Dickspear dodges backwards. Snakes is busy shaking the elf around by the head and blood spurts from torn arteries.  Noose finally latches on to Dickspear with his mouth. Jaws apply pressure and the werewolfs left lung is further bruised. Dickspears return strikes are all turned by iron greaves and armor. Noose is beating the hell out of Dickspear for a while. The strangler bites a werewolf tail, thigh, stomach, and is basically impenetrable within his armored fortress. Dickspear removes one of his eyes but is thoroughly outmatched. Behold is busy smashing a yeti skull but can't get through the bronze cap. Finally Green Menace bleeds to death just as Noose maneuvered himself in a place to attack Snakes from behind.  Less than a second later Yet I Live's head is crushed by Behold.  Dickspear gets his guts bruised by Noose's teeth, and Noose in turn has his guts bruised from Snakes. Behold finally arrives and crushes one of Noose's hands. The strangler is a one man army quite literally. He bites one of Snakes hands into a pancake and then bites Behold's lip.  He shakes Behold by the lip which rips off of his face and the goblin passes out. This is where I groan because Dickspear is completely outclassed. Snakes needs to do something here.  That'll do Snakes, that'll do.  An hour later Dickspear manages to hack through the stranglers iron helmet. Bizarrer Adventurers wins with a 3-0 victory. I ran the fight 6 more times just because I like seeing how our team does and we won 4 out of 6. It all depends on the drat snake and venom; without that hitting early our team is a sack of crap. Kills: Snakes Laugh: 1 Behold: 1 Dickspear: 1 Combat Log  At 3:1 odds I figured throwing money on the underdog was worth it.
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Feb 3, 2017 18:43
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Holy gently caress apparently that's the tournament. Now we're into playoffs.Spend your points people!
Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 18:50 on Feb 3, 2017 |
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Feb 3, 2017 18:47
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Hey jon joe how much will you pay me to 'accidentally' bite dickspear in the next round?
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Feb 3, 2017 20:23
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Tunicate posted:Hey jon joe how much will you pay me to 'accidentally' bite dickspear in the next round? I'll pay you in death. This is also your payment if you don't bite him.
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Feb 3, 2017 20:26
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Don't worry, Tunicate went archery as a surprise so he wont be biting anyone. Ninja Edit: Did I ruin the surprise?
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Feb 3, 2017 20:32
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Caught the update just in time. Looks like it is up to us to uncancel Christmas.
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Feb 3, 2017 21:22
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Um, am I supposed to have 1200+ points to spend?
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Feb 3, 2017 21:34
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If you are in playoffs yes. If not, I have no idea because I am not a peasant like some of you.
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Feb 3, 2017 21:36
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Gnoman posted:Um, am I supposed to have 1200+ points to spend? No, those are mine, please someone apply Gnoman's points to my fighter.
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Feb 3, 2017 22:15
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Bad Munki posted:No, those are mine, please someone apply Gnoman's points to my fighter. Why, so you can not upgrade your 'too light copper hammer' like the last three tournaments?
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Feb 3, 2017 22:21
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I'll copper hammer your face
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Feb 3, 2017 22:39
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You would miss.
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Feb 3, 2017 23:29
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I'm excited!
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Feb 3, 2017 23:43
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Copper hammers are a lot cheaper than I thought they were. I might have to buy one.
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Feb 3, 2017 23:59
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RIP Pepperoni.
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Feb 4, 2017 10:15
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Spermy Smurf posted:Holy gently caress apparently that's the tournament. Now we're into playoffs. tfw you get knocked out of the tourney because it is top teams only and there was a martial trance in the fight you should have won
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Feb 4, 2017 21:48
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Ramc posted:tfw you get knocked out of the tourney because it is top teams only and there was a martial trance in the fight you should have won tfw when you go through cos 2016 was actually good 
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Feb 4, 2017 21:53
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Ramc posted:tfw you get knocked out of the tourney because it is top teams only and there was a martial trance in the fight you should have won we had a good run, yo.  
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Feb 4, 2017 22:15
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Ramc posted:tfw you get knocked out of the tourney because it is top teams only and there was a martial trance in the fight you should have won tfw your fighter was the last to go up against said martial tranced dorf, and did jack poo poo...
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Feb 5, 2017 06:14
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I'm betting all my money on the team with the fighter that reminds me of my fighter.
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Feb 5, 2017 17:51
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Cathode Raymond posted:I'm betting all my money on the team with the fighter that reminds me of my fighter. Truly a shocking amount of 300 dwarfbux. We here at the War on Christmas Foundation thank you for your investment.
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Feb 5, 2017 18:01
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jon joe posted:Truly a shocking amount of 300 dwarfbux. Sir, I'll have you know that I lost the rest of my dorfbux in the very first round, betting on the only fighter that reminds me more of my fighter than your fighter does, my fighter. 300 dorfbux is all I have in this world, and, as usual, Spermy is to blame for this. We can all agree on that at least, right?
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Feb 5, 2017 18:04
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Cathode Raymond posted:Sir, I'll have you know that I lost the rest of my dorfbux in the very first round, betting on the only fighter that reminds me more of my fighter than your fighter does, my fighter. I heard Spermy is a really bad commissioner lost because Spermy is a really bad commissioner.
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Feb 5, 2017 18:08
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Waiting on Karl Barx from Mattybee to update. Also I always knew Bad Munki was an rear end in a top hat.
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Feb 6, 2017 03:41
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Looks like everyone is updated. Bets are placed. I'll run the 2nd fight in a few hours.
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Feb 6, 2017 16:18
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Woop woop! Will ZeeToo be running the other fight?
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Feb 6, 2017 17:42
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Some Kind of Finals. Semi-Finals? Almost-Finals? Nearly-Finals? Fight 2 Bad Munki's Team (3-0) is on the left side of the arena. Spermy Smurf (Coward) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, a steel mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. Keith Vaz (Dirty Frank) is a male tigerman. He wields a steel long sword and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. 2016 (goatface) is a male dwarf. He wields a platinum maul and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, a steel mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. gently caress Rogers Tribute (3-0) is on the right side of the arena. (__*__) (Bad Munki) is a male dwarf. He wields a copper war hammer and a wooden shield and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Gnobody Important (Gnoman) is a female human. She wields a steel pike and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and leather high boots. One of Heygals Guys (Splode) is a male human. He wields a steel pike and wears an iron helm, leather armor, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  gently caress Rogers Tribute is a 1.29 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 8936.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 6939.00 dwarfbucks for Bad Munki's Team.  Looks like we have some nifty new weapons and a little bit of armor scattered across. And I was right: Turd Cutter didn't upgrade his copper hammer again.  The fighters clash. Keith Vaz sticks his sword in Heygals arm but he takes a much worse wound from the human in return. Heygals pike fractures bone, chops ligaments and tendons in the tigermans forearm. Up top Prison Purse swings at Spermy Smurf and bruises his kidney.  Shitbox is bowled over by Spermy Smurf who immediately bites his head and injects venom. The snake shakes his prey and The Old Dirt Road has tendons and arteries torn in his head; down he goes.  In the south Keith Vaz gets his right hand mutilated to match his right forearm. 2016 strikes Heygals but only manages to bruise. Gnobody is in the north swinging away at Spermy Smurf who is thrashing Shitbox around by the head.  2016 the dwarf moves north to help Spermy Smurf (by hammering away at Butthole from behind) but not before his teammate Keith Vaz slashes Heygals' left hand open. Heygals is in some pain from some bruises and slices. Heygals retaliates by putting her pike deep into Keith Vaz's belly. The tigerman gasps in pain.  Heygals sends the pike through the tigers foot and down goes Keith Vaz. Heygals pikes a tiger face and it caves in.  Spermy Smurf latches on to Gnobody a dozen times but cannot get through the armor. Gnobody's pike bruises his spine, chops into his arm slightly, and the snakeman abandons that and puts his mouth back on Turd Cutter. 2016 ruins his fun and shatters Assholes head. Now it's 2v2 and the fighters pair off: Spermy Smurf vs Gnobody in the north and Heygals vs 2016 in the south.  Spermy Smurf charges his human opponent and they end up bouncing off of each other, both stunned. Gnobody is taking multiple bruises from the snake biting her, but retaliates with a slice to the hand. In the south 2016 swings with all of his might... and misses completely. Heygals chops his right hand to poo poo in response.  Heygals and Gnobody being stabbing with their matching steel pikes. Spermy Smurf's leather armor parts like Bad Munki's mother's legs and, just like Bad Munkis Mother, he is penetrated to the spleen. Heygals ruins 2016's one working arm and the huge silver maul drops from his bleeding hands.  2016 takes one last stab and drops to the floor.  Heygals cleaves his head in two and then moves north to help Gnobody.  Two steel pikes are too much for anyone to defeat and Spermy Smurf succumbs to Gnobody. gently caress Rogers Tribute wins with a 3-1 victory. Spermy Smurf beat the poo poo out of Bad Munki's fighter Kills: Heygals: 2 Gnobody: 1 2016: 1 Combat Log 
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Feb 6, 2017 20:39
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One of Heygal's guys has a reserve of alcohol that is instantly released into his bloodstream in times of crisis. That, plus 30 years of semi-professional stabbing career goes a long way. 
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Feb 6, 2017 20:49
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I also lost most of my money. Great.
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Feb 6, 2017 20:49
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Spermy Smurf posted:I also lost most of my money. Great. I nearly doubled mine. No wonder you're so salty! A win AND I'm rich? Clearly my tactics are flawless. Let it be know who stands at the top of the betting pile!
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Feb 6, 2017 20:51
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The writeup of that fight was brutal. Trying to come up with a bunch of different names for your fighter was way harder than I thought it would be, plus the fact the other team is named you, and somehow I'm in the drat fight too. It was really hard keeping it all correct. I had the wrong team winning on the arenachallenge site until I triple checked and then realized Bad Munki's team didn't include Bad Munki the gladiator.
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Feb 6, 2017 20:53
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If it's any consolation, the next fight is guaranteed to vault either jon joe or Anchors into 1st place in betting.
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Feb 6, 2017 21:05
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*nods richly and murderously*
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Feb 6, 2017 21:21
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Fortunately, it'll be Anchors, not that other nobody.
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Feb 6, 2017 21:32
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Bad Munki posted:Fortunately, it'll be Anchors, not that other nobody. Would you bet on that?
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Feb 6, 2017 21:34
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AJ_Impy posted:Would you bet on that? Every last penny I can. Which is currently 0.73 dorfbux.
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Feb 6, 2017 21:42
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My evil plans are coming to fruition. Just you wait until ZeeToo runs the fight, then you all shall know my mightiest humbug!
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Feb 6, 2017 21:50
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Spermy Smurf posted:The writeup of that fight was brutal. Trying to come up with a bunch of different names for your fighter was way harder than I thought it would be, plus the fact the other team is named you, and somehow I'm in the drat fight too. Will I promise to stop doing deliberately confusing poo poo like this? Tune in next tournament! Also, thanks for running these, you crazy diamond.
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Feb 6, 2017 22:02
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| # ? May 26, 2024 11:06 |
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Coward posted:Also, thanks for running these, you crazy diamond. Stop that. Do the right thing and blame Spermy for your recent loss. It's tradition 
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Feb 6, 2017 22:10
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