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Nissin Cup Nudist
Sep 3, 2011

Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land




Shiki Dan posted:

I honestly believe that Vince McMahon/Donald Trump are the only real friend that each one of them has.

Vince McMahon and Dick Ebersol were really close friends before the XFL blew up, and probably still are despite that

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RCarr
Dec 24, 2007

It's funny to me that the Trump confession is one of the most believable confessions in the entire thread.

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

RCarr posted:

It's funny to me that the Trump confession is one of the most believable confessions in the entire thread.

I don't believe he's a good tipper or that he would attempt to tip White House staff. The rest checks out, I'll even believe he's nice to the staff.

Hardawn
Mar 15, 2004

Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates
College Slice

WampaLord posted:

I don't believe he's a good tipper or that he would attempt to tip White House staff. The rest checks out, I'll even believe he's nice to the staff.

yeah but it's a good idea when you do trips to resorts. You tip big in the beginning so they do a good job during your stay, then a lower amount as time goes on

Dogbrisket
Jun 10, 2009

The Hulk Hogan thing is kind of a tell that the Trump one's fake.

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
Biscuit Hider
For me the tell was that Donald Trump would never attempt to give someone else money of his own volition.

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Dogbrisket posted:

The Hulk Hogan thing is kind of a tell that the Trump one's fake.

Yeah that should have been left out.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Any other president and I'd agree.

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !
Cannibal goon is loving metal

Kirk Vikernes
Apr 26, 2004

Count Goatnackh

WampaLord posted:

This was disturbing to learn when he was on the campaign trail, but it's my understanding that basically all Presidents sleep this little due to the demands of the job.

It definitely took its toll on Obama. He went from cool young president to Morgan Freeman's slightly younger brother in 8 years.

Police Automaton
Mar 17, 2009
"You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."
really? He aged over the span of 8 years? Well I never

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

According to my school-counselor wife, it's unlikely that Barron Trump has autism, because he's had to be on stages and in front of big crowds, and a 10-year-old with autism couldn't handle that without it being visible unless he's either (a) super high-functioning or (b) drugged-up to hell and back, either of which is possible but both of which make me doubt a little bit. It's too bad because that was my favorite anecdote from that list. Anyway, confessions.

quote:

I got married at age 16 due to teen pregnancy. I'm dumb and my ex wife was dumb and her family refused to support us unless we got married and made it a true relationship in the eyes of God. So no great shock, we lived in a loveless, angry marriage for about 2 years.

We finally divorced and she was disowned by her parents, good Christians that they are. My parents were poor as hell but good people so they let her live with them for a while. So my life involved me, my ex wife, my son, and my parents. Needless to say it wasn't ideal for anyone and it was a pretty miserable time for me. But I took responsibility for my son, my ex did as well, and we gave him the best life we possibly could at the time.

My son is now 17. My ex wife lives with him in an apartment, I live in an apartment with my current gf. My son called me a "lazy piece of poo poo" and a bad father for not staying married to my ex last night and I broke down crying.

I just had to tell this to someone because that's the lowest I've ever felt in my life.

quote:

I had pretty terrible body dysmorphia in college and believed myself to be morbidly obese, despite only being slightly overweight. I was 5 foot 8 and 180 lbs.

I ordered a home liposuction kit and planned to either lose the weight or die trying, that's how hosed up I was.

The device was effectively a long tube with some PVC piping attached to a bicycle pump. You'd make an incision, jam the tube deep into the fat, and start sucking. I realize now how dangerous and dumb it is but at the time I just wanted to lose weight. I started it up and sliced in to my thigh. I started sucking out what I thought was just fat. Then I saw a LOT of blood. Turns out I started sucking on an artery, which then ruptured. I had the presence of mind to call 911 before I passed out from blood loss.

The doctors thought it was a suicide attempt and I spent a bit of time in a mental health facility.

My confession is I sometimes kind of wish the lipo worked and I lost all that weight. That way I could kind of "start over" with a body with 0 body fat. Oh well.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
show her this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtdD4UGYbGk

subhuman filth
Nov 1, 2006

loquacius posted:

I had pretty terrible body dysmorphia in college and believed myself to be morbidly obese, despite only being slightly overweight. I was 5 foot 8 and 180 lbs.

I ordered a home liposuction kit and planned to either lose the weight or die trying, that's how hosed up I was.

The device was effectively a long tube with some PVC piping attached to a bicycle pump. You'd make an incision, jam the tube deep into the fat, and start sucking. I realize now how dangerous and dumb it is but at the time I just wanted to lose weight. I started it up and sliced in to my thigh. I started sucking out what I thought was just fat. Then I saw a LOT of blood. Turns out I started sucking on an artery, which then ruptured. I had the presence of mind to call 911 before I passed out from blood loss.

The doctors thought it was a suicide attempt and I spent a bit of time in a mental health facility.

My confession is I sometimes kind of wish the lipo worked and I lost all that weight. That way I could kind of "start over" with a body with 0 body fat. Oh well.

loving lmao. yes dude you are just a jiggling balloon filled with loose sloshing butter. you should try again but start with your neck fat, its the most visible.

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009


lol yeah wonder why people think that kid born to an orange old man might have some brain problems.

JuulPodSaveAmerica
Aug 29, 2012

Police Automaton posted:

The update is that they took everything.

They took his kidneys. They even took his godamn eyes.

It's rip for my body. My spirit, however, remains unbroken!

JuulPodSaveAmerica
Aug 29, 2012

The Management posted:

Another confession thread success story. Have fun with it, therapy goon. But be aware that when you're "better" she's probably going to lose interest and be into another patient.

For some reason, I doubt it.

Sorry for double post, I'm very overtired.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.

quote:

I got married at age 16 due to teen pregnancy. I'm dumb and my ex wife was dumb and her family refused to support us unless we got married and made it a true relationship in the eyes of God. So no great shock, we lived in a loveless, angry marriage for about 2 years.

We finally divorced and she was disowned by her parents, good Christians that they are. My parents were poor as hell but good people so they let her live with them for a while. So my life involved me, my ex wife, my son, and my parents. Needless to say it wasn't ideal for anyone and it was a pretty miserable time for me. But I took responsibility for my son, my ex did as well, and we gave him the best life we possibly could at the time.

My son is now 17. My ex wife lives with him in an apartment, I live in an apartment with my current gf. My son called me a "lazy piece of poo poo" and a bad father for not staying married to my ex last night and I broke down crying.

I just had to tell this to someone because that's the lowest I've ever felt in my life.

He's 17 and mad. How often do you see him?

8 Ball
Nov 27, 2010

My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.
So the white house fesser gets to sit in on important meetings and has constant contact with Trump yet still has to wash the sheets? Bullshit

edit: I just want some decent interesting confessions is that so much to ask :(

Pershing
Feb 21, 2010

John "Black Jack" Pershing
Hard Fucking Core

8 Ball posted:

So the white house fesser gets to sit in on important meetings and has constant contact with Trump yet still has to wash the sheets? Bullshit

edit: I just want some decent interesting confessions is that so much to ask :(

Its like that guy from the Clinton era Secret Service who made similar claims. Then the Service was all like LOL NO you didn't have anything like that access.

Shifty gimbal
Dec 28, 2008

Hey you... I got something to tell ya
Biscuit Hider
Don't be so hard on yourself for what your son said, lazy piece of poo poo bad father man. He's 17 and angry. Angry 17 year olds saying hurtful things are throwing these out there because they are hurtful, not because they mean it. You're still in his life, which is better than many. Continue to do so and your relationship will heal.

Home liposuction person, Jesus did your fesh make me wince hard.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

loquacius posted:

According to my school-counselor wife

lol ok

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Gimbal lock posted:

Don't be so hard on yourself for what your son said, lazy piece of poo poo bad father man. He's 17 and angry. Angry 17 year olds saying hurtful things are throwing these out there because they are hurtful, not because they mean it. You're still in his life, which is better than many. Continue to do so and your relationship will heal.

Yeah seriously. Still in his life? Not bad compared to a lot of fathers.

Convince him to join the service.

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

Yea being 17 and male is a recipe for that kind of thing, which is why we have a "No, you shut the gently caress up Dad" thread tag.

He'll mellow out in time.

Kirk Vikernes
Apr 26, 2004

Count Goatnackh

quote:

I just had to tell this to someone because that's the lowest I've ever felt in my life.

Probably not as low as the day you paid :10bux: to join these forums. Just remember that the next time junior yells, "gently caress YOU, DAD!".

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !
If he's still calling you 'dad' and not your first name or 'poo poo head' then you can still go lower. He could even be breaking your knees with a louisville.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Sjs00 posted:

If he's still calling you 'dad' and not your first name or 'poo poo head' then you can still go lower. He could even be breaking your knees with a louisville.

At 17 with him being 35 or so? That would be pretty sad.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009

loquacius posted:

Hulkster in the White House

Anton Chigurh posted:

I want to believe.

A Very Sexy Baby
Sep 25, 2007

I can't help it if men are attracted to me.
aren't there logs of who goes in the white house?

therattle
Jul 24, 2007
Soiled Meat
I don't know why but the Rich Gumhead one made me really laugh.

Marmaduke!
May 19, 2009

Why would it do that!?

I Love Jesus posted:

Aren't there logs of who goes in the white house?

Yes I'm sure they're publicly available right next to the list of secret service codewords and the nucular launch codes

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I run a subcontracting service for a city near the US-Mexico border, and thanks to the Trump administration I am swimming in Mexican pussy. The expansion of ICE staff, deputized local law enforcement, and racist attitudes have all spread a lot of fear in the local immigrant community. This makes it easier to compel my undocumented workers to have sex with me. See previously, if they got deported, they would just come right back. But now it is much more likely they will languish in some ICE hold in a hastily-constructed prison expansion in the middle of the desert.

People are so scared of being deported and ended up decapitated on the wrong end of the border they are willing to do a lot, and even though the work is hard and pays less than minimum wage it is better than working in some machiladora. Especially with the proposed tariffs, in spite of the wall they are building it will just be more appealing to move here.

The best part is that I could not do this were it not for naturalized collaborators. Naturalized immigrants are the biggest FYGMs I've seen, and they'll gladly turn on their own if it means a bit of increased status. I have a few that act as cover for my business, making it look like I hire US citizens only. Trump's administration is just going to make all the facets of my business that much easier by easing a lot of oversight, scrutiny and regulation.

Most of the other contractors and subcontractors are in on this as well; everybody pats the city government on the back for keeping the budget under control, having a fair bidding process, and ensuring we try to hire Veterans in available positions. Of course the truth is it is easy to underbid when you don't have to even pay minimum wage to your workers. And neither I nor any other subcontractors I know have veterans on staff; oh we hire them for the incentives the city gives us, then make sure they get randomly drug screened a month in (the screening agency of course gets a small cut for each 'positive' result they can inexplicably find). Most of these guys end up getting hired up by ICE anyway, who have been scrambling to swell their ranks they have gotten a lot less picky about the background.

quote:

For the past 7ish years I've looked for ways to reduce my sex drive. It's not particularly high but I would much rather spend the energy on my hobbies or work. Spending 10 hours a week jacking off is a huge waste of time and I could really use the sleep. I've stopped working out but it hasn't helped. Supposedly, black licorice helps but it's just gross to me. Why is this so hard to research? Haven't monks been trying not to jack off for thousands of years? At this point you'd think that we'd have figured a plant out that helps, or something.

Even my therapist thinks that this is a hosed Up thing to want. I had to specify that I don't wanna lose it forever or entirely, just tone it down. I don't wanna cut my balls off either. I guess I just have to wait until I'm an old man...

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

have you tried teamocil, goon who wants a lower sex drive?

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
drat dude that's a lot of jacking off

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
Second goon who wants the lower sex drive - try looking in the mirror whenever you think about jacking off.

Fucked-Up Little Dog
Aug 26, 2008

Posting live from the nightmare future of Web 3.0




Scratchmo
Can I confess that I don't know the story of the "pissbitch" in the thread title? What was that about?

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

hosed-Up Little Dog posted:

Can I confess that I don't know the story of the "pissbitch" in the thread title? What was that about?

One of the thread superstars in an earlier iteration of this thread overcame shy bladder by telling himself to "get beefy bitch" and also "get REAL beefy you little queefer pissbitch" etc etc and then found himself repeating those phrases uncontrollably in his head all the time

I don't think it's in the archives though, forum search didn't find the original post :(

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

I was in a bathroom stall at work the other day and somebody came in, went to the urinal, and started trying to psyche themselves up. "Come on. You can do this. Just do it. Nobody's here." I walked out of the stall and they instantly shut up.

Il Federale
Oct 10, 2012



flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I was in a bathroom stall at work the other day and somebody came in, went to the urinal, and started trying to psyche themselves up. "Come on. You can do this. Just do it. Nobody's here." I walked out of the stall and they instantly shut up.

Did you both awkwardly look at each other or did you both just pretend the other one wasn't there?

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flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

Il Federale posted:

Did you both awkwardly look at each other or did you both just pretend the other one wasn't there?

I made a beeline to the sink and then the door without looking at him. I didn't want to know who it was. I'd probably know him by the voice but I think that'll be a much better realization. I'll hear my boss say the word "nobody" and lose my poo poo.

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