Schadenfreude Thread: What did they think would happen?

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Astrobastard: Dec 31, 2008; Winky Face

Phanatic posted:

NWS, NMS, but topical:

https://m.imgur.com/UoOMImz?r

Thats loving hilarious and impressive

# ? Feb 11, 2017 19:16

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 23:56

theres a will theres moe: Jan 10, 2007; Hair Elf

That guy must have been really hungry!

# ? Feb 11, 2017 19:24

Goa Tse-tung: Feb 11, 2008; ;3; Yams Fan

Astrobastard posted:

Thats loving hilarious and impressive

100% there are people getting off of having uber large dildoes explanted

# ? Feb 11, 2017 19:25

BrianBoitano: Nov 15, 2006; this is fine

That surgery video should be played in any sex toy shop before sale of anything without a flared base, and all produce sections of grocery stores while we're at it.

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

Well, pee is still supposed to be sterile so he's still ok on that front.

Urine is not sterile, but that's not the point. Just because I wouldn't get a golden shower doesn't mean I don't want to see prostitutes getting a golden shower. I mean, who wouldn't if it were a gift from an old pal Putin? I'm not that rude.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 19:48

olaf2022: Feb 19, 2003; Fun Shoe

Phanatic posted:

NWS, NMS, but topical:

https://m.imgur.com/UoOMImz?r

Million-to-one shot, Doc. Million-to-one.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 19:53

A Moose: Oct 22, 2009

I remember reading someone's account of dildoing themselves in the shower and getting it stuck, soemthing about how it opened their belly button(?) and got lodged against some cluster of nerves, paralyzing them from the waist down, and having their wife haul them to the car on a skateboard in front of their children and neighbors, and now he's permanently incontinent and everything.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 20:56

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

A Moose posted:

I remember reading someone's account of dildoing themselves in the shower and getting it stuck, soemthing about how it opened their belly button(?) and got lodged against some cluster of nerves, paralyzing them from the waist down, and having their wife haul them to the car on a skateboard in front of their children and neighbors, and now he's permanently incontinent and everything.

That's nothing compared to the goon that hosed his rear end so raw and rough with a dildo that pieces of him sloughed out in the shower.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 21:12

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

# ? Feb 11, 2017 21:15

Sloober: Apr 1, 2011

Solice Kirsk posted:

That's nothing compared to the goon that hosed his rear end so raw and rough with a dildo that pieces of him sloughed out in the shower.

It is very concerning, and it seems to reinforce that the documentary,'Night of the Creeps' is even more real.

Sloober has a new favorite as of 21:20 on Feb 11, 2017

# ? Feb 11, 2017 21:15

kissekatt: Apr 20, 2005; I have tasted the fruit.

Solice Kirsk posted:

That's nothing compared to the goon that hosed his rear end so raw and rough with a dildo that pieces of him sloughed out in the shower.

When I first started reading that post I assumed that it was about him, GE Cafe.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 21:36

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Bobby Digital posted:

This is my hole, it was made for me

Dzzzt Dzzzt Dzzzt

# ? Feb 11, 2017 21:48

MrYenko: Jun 18, 2012; #2 isn't ALWAYS bad...

I both do and don't wish I had more information about these stories.

:stonk:

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:02

HenryEx: Mar 25, 2009; ...your cybernetic implants, the only beauty in that meat you call "a body"...; Grimey Drawer

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

Dzzzt Dzzzt Dzzzt

*throws carving stone* VERY GOOD

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:04

Sloober: Apr 1, 2011

MrYenko posted:

I both do and don't wish I had more information about these stories.

Hello friend, i have received your request and process the appropriate paper work to requisition the records.

GE Cafe posted:

I decided it'd be fun to gently caress myself earlier this evening/morning. So I greased up Mr Sunshine and went to work. I had fun for 10 minutes and came. Then I was feeling the need to shower, so I did.

This is where things get graphic. Stop here if you don't want to cry.

Shortly after I started my shower, I felt a bit of matter coming out. Not terribly unusual, I just got done pounding my rear end. It landed on the floor of the shower. A few moments later I notice it's moving... strangely as it slowly gets washed towards the drain.

Last chance to stop. It's horriffic.

I nudge it with my toe and, to my horror, realize it's one piece. As in, a connected piece, as if it were... tissue. I think it's a bit of the outer layer of the colon. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I just crapped a piece of my rear end out of my rear end. I get it down the drain as quickly as possible and then sit down in the tub, I felt like I was having a panic attack. I'd had plenty of rear end sex before and not noticed this. Maybe this happened and I simply didn't notice it, or maybe the rear end "sheds" like this on its own occasionally, and no one really notices it (or admits they did). My rear end didn't hurt at all, but it does now, kind of, probably because I haven't stopped thinking about this horror for the last 90 minutes.

So the moral of the story is I really don't want to do this again. It makes me sad because I enjoy anal sex. Maybe others have heartier colons that I. But for god's sake, use condoms. If anything with a pulse goes in there, make sure it's sheathed.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:05

Trig Discipline: Jun 3, 2008; Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.; Grimey Drawer

Lime Tonics posted:

Australia is cooked.

http://www.smh.com.au/environment/nsw-heatwave-unprecedented-fire-conditions-are-as-bad-as-it-gets-20170211-guarjl.html

Yeah having just lived through that with no AC lemme just say that it wasn't great.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:05

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

MrYenko posted:

I both do and don't wish I had more information about these stories.

Hey how about another thing!

You know how the chemical process of cement drying is exothermic? I've heard tell of people who use that as a reason to cram a whole bunch of it up their butt and enjoy the sensation as it cures. Then when it's done you just squeeze and presto, concrete turd for your trophy shelf / wall of shame.

Except there was this one guy who put a bit too much in, and it went around the corner

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:47

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Wouldn't that burn a lot?

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:50

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Data Graham posted:

Hey how about another thing!

You know how the chemical process of cement drying is exothermic? I've heard tell of people who use that as a reason to cram a whole bunch of it up their butt and enjoy the sensation as it cures. Then when it's done you just squeeze and presto, concrete turd for your trophy shelf / wall of shame.

Except there was this one guy who put a bit too much in, and it went around the corner

Doesn't the process also absorb water? That seems like an excellent way to dry out then cut the poo poo out of your large intestine.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:50

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

I'm not saying I heard many further details or, you know, sought them.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:51

ekuNNN: Nov 27, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Data Graham posted:

I'm not saying I heard many further details or, you know, sought them.

That seems more like one of those "Did you know you can charge your phone by putting it in the microwave?!" fake posts to get people to try stupid poo poo

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:02

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Concrete is caustic, y�all.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:02

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

Gigantic black dildo begins slowly moving forward, cross country. Unerringly triangulating on your position, it won't stop, it can't stop.

It will find you.

It Furrows

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:02

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

That looked more like a high end pepper grinder than dildo in that gif and so thats what im going to remain convinced it is. Jesus christ.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:10

Flash Gordon Ramsay: Sep 28, 2004; Grimey Drawer

Phanatic posted:

NWS, NMS, but topical:

https://m.imgur.com/UoOMImz?r

I have so very many questions

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:14

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:

I have so very many questions

There's a reason the healthcare thread chants "Wide, Flared Bases" like a cult prayer.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:15

Trig Discipline: Jun 3, 2008; Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.; Grimey Drawer

Malachite_Dragon posted:

There's a reason the healthcare thread chants "Wide, Flared Bases" like a cult prayer.

Yeah if Hillary taught us anything it's the importance of not losing your wide base.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:19

Biscuit Joiner: May 18, 2008

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html
links to two pictures at the bottom of the page

quote:

the patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been "fooling around." After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.

Rectal Impaction With Epoxy Resin: A Case Report
http://www.emse.fr/~zimmermann/RAFT/RAFTpapers/Examples/nocomment.pdf --- Links to a PDF
Includes two pictures

quote:

A 27-year-old unemployed young man presented
with lower abdominal discomfort following injection
of a liquid adhesive per rectum 5 hours previously.
He injected the viscous liquids into his rectum via a
dual-chambered glue gun, resulting in an instantaneous
exothermic reaction that caused the mixture
to solidify and become fixed internally.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:20

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Also don't cram that malachite dildo in you anywhere even with a condom because malachite is pretty prone to shattering if you put any pressure on it so you'll end up with sharp shards of rock all up in whichever business you applied it to.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:23

Sloober: Apr 1, 2011

Biscuit Joiner posted:

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html
links to two pictures at the bottom of the page

Rectal Impaction With Epoxy Resin: A Case Report
http://www.emse.fr/~zimmermann/RAFT/RAFTpapers/Examples/nocomment.pdf --- Links to a PDF
Includes two pictures

Sounds like basic construction technology courses should be mandated for all adults so they can learn the basics of why this kind of stuff is not a very good idea.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:23

18 Character Limit: Apr 6, 2007; Screw you, Abed;
I can fix this!; Nap Ghost

Biscuit Joiner posted:

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html
links to two pictures at the bottom of the page

back to the buttpage

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:30

Mierenneuker: Apr 28, 2010; We're all going to experience changes in our life but only the best of us will qualify for front row seats.

I'd appreciate a good solid poo poo from time to time but I'll think I shall pass on that :stare:

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:33

Groda: Mar 17, 2005; Hair Elf

If I found my colon filled with quick set concrete I'd poo poo bricks. :haw:

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:38

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Biscuit Joiner posted:

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html
links to two pictures at the bottom of the page

Rectal Impaction With Epoxy Resin: A Case Report
http://www.emse.fr/~zimmermann/RAFT/RAFTpapers/Examples/nocomment.pdf --- Links to a PDF
Includes two pictures

Thanks man :hfive:

# ? Feb 11, 2017 23:43

Say Nothing: Mar 5, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

# ? Feb 12, 2017 00:01

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

Biscuit Joiner posted:

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html
links to two pictures at the bottom of the page

Rectal Impaction With Epoxy Resin: A Case Report
http://www.emse.fr/~zimmermann/RAFT/RAFTpapers/Examples/nocomment.pdf --- Links to a PDF
Includes two pictures

I like how both patients were recommended a psychiatric consultation, and both declined.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 00:07

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Biscuit Joiner posted:

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html
links to two pictures at the bottom of the page

The guy already had a loving ping-pong ball up his rear end and he wanted more? Ffffuuuuuck

# ? Feb 12, 2017 00:21

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Any ER doctor or nurse will be happy to regale you with tales of things morons shoved up their butts.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 00:30

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

Is going through medical colleges and becoming a doctor and having people of lower intellect shove things up their asses some sort of sex industry doctors get into that I don't know about?

# ? Feb 12, 2017 00:32