Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

My wife cheated on me with a coworker. She broke it off, confessed, and asked for my forgiveness. I forgave her but I couldn't get over it so I left.

The confession is that I told our family and close friends that I was the one who cheated. Everyone loves her and I didn't want to ruin that. Hell, she's closer to my family than I am and she hasn't spoken to hers for years for very good reasons. I figured I'd rather be the dumbass that threw away his marriage than have her be the cheating whore in everyone's eyes. Maybe that's just me being cynical and assuming everyone would be sexist but whatever.

I don't think I'll get back with her but she was still my wife and the mother of my children.

This may not be that interesting of a confession but I will most likely take this secret to the grave.

quote:

This friend of mine used to work at Bullfrog Games and there was a building anti-Peter Molyneux sentiment. After their games were gaining popularity it seemed like at every turn there was a new announcement or media release by Molyneux. This ended up with a fucktonne of work being dumped on staff in order to try and keep up with his ever increasing crazy visions.

Staff still respected him as a passionate designer and manager but just wished he would shut the gently caress up around media. Anyhow I don't know if it was at one of their drinks nights or one of their grandoise release parties. I don't know if it was Lionhead Studios at this stage. But I do know that the vexation towards Peter had reached breaking point for one staff member who took advantage of the open sunroof on Peter Molyneux's new sportscar to Chicago Sunroof that son of a bitch.

The incident wasn't mentioned but it is suspected it was blamed on a homeless person or transient of some type.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 14:46

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# ? May 10, 2024 15:39

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

Not anonymous confession: I too would probably take a poo poo through Peter Molyneux's sunroof if in that position

# ? Feb 14, 2017 15:51

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

quote:

I just loving love stealing.

No, you don't love stealing. You are a compulsive thief. You convinced yourself that it's something you do voluntarily even though you know it's a lovely thing to do.

Stop lying to yourself and fix whatever it is about you that's broken and makes you feel good from stealing.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 16:19

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

"I'm not a drug addict, I just love drugs."

# ? Feb 14, 2017 16:34

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

The Management posted:

Minister dumbass, time for a divorce and to quit the church you are so obviously disgusted with. Get a different job, sleep with women guilt-free, and deprogram your kids

Photoshop her face onto an adult actress' body, then ask for the divorce. When she pulls the "YOU CAN'T LEAVE I WILL RUIN YOU" poo poo, whip the photo out. If such an upstanding Christian woman won't gently caress her husband but three times in six years, there's no way in hell she's gonna chance letting people think she was in adult films.

Mutually Assured Destruction. It worked during the Cold War, right?

# ? Feb 14, 2017 16:52

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

Photoshop her face onto an adult actress' body, then ask for the divorce. When she pulls the "YOU CAN'T LEAVE I WILL RUIN YOU" poo poo, whip the photo out. If such an upstanding Christian woman won't gently caress her husband but three times in six years, there's no way in hell she's gonna chance letting people think she was in adult films.

Mutually Assured Destruction. It worked during the Cold War, right?

Probably the best way to handle it. Blackmail cancels out blackmail. Everybody knows that.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 16:55

holy penis worship: Feb 14, 2017; by Smythe

anita sarkeesian draws hentais of hh and the great deciever together or like kovaak or even chump like she draw many hentai of big gay horse orgies trust me i kno this hh admit to me too about it

# ? Feb 14, 2017 16:56

holy penis worship: Feb 14, 2017; by Smythe

@ tbe library hh admit to me he in anita sarkeesians gay porn and he likes it

# ? Feb 14, 2017 16:57

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Jumping on the "youth pastor, quit your job and then divorce your wife" bandwagon

This is the problem with teaching kids that premarital sex is the worst thing on Earth, if you do it hard enough the mental blocks won't go away and they can't manage to have sex AFTER marriage either.

The pictures leaking won't hurt much if you've already quit your job, but if A Scandal breaks out anyway you can just pull the "in my old life I sinned and strayed from God but in the LORD JESUS CHRIST I was born again" thing Christians always do. Cry in public about it. They'll eat it up.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 17:06

Beige: Sep 13, 2004

Modelling for a gay magazine isn't a sin though. Nor is it shameful in any way :colbert:

# ? Feb 14, 2017 17:11

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Beige posted:

Modelling for a gay magazine isn't a sin though. Nor is it shameful in any way

Agree 100%, but you're not looking at this from the angle of hardcore, and it sounds like puritanical, Christianity. Luckily most of this jackasses also believe strongly in forgiveness and even if he came out and said he raped a baby, as long as he publicly asked God for forgiveness and promised to change no harm, no foul. They may have bastardized most of Jesus's other teachings but they truly believe in forgiveness fanatically.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 18:31

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

If Josh Duggar could be forgiven with no consequences for molesting his sisters I'm sure a few nude pix will be a piece of cake to put in the past

Again just cry in public

# ? Feb 14, 2017 18:37

Eikre: May 2, 2009

He should be proactive, make a public, weeping admission of his sinful past, completely blindside his wife, and then engineer a divorce that makes her look like the unforgiving soul that couldn't deal with the revelation.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 18:45

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

Eikre posted:

He should be proactive, make a public, weeping admission of his sinful past, completely blindside his wife, and then engineer a divorce that makes her look like the unforgiving soul that couldn't deal with the revelation.

Can't de-fang her this way, or she'll come up with something completely ridiculous and he'll be blindsided when she replaces her now-useless ammunition with accusations of rape and child molestation and whatever.

M.A.D., bro. It's either that or say "gently caress it" and go live a life unshackled from a horrible marriage and an institution that seeks to punish you for basically everything

# ? Feb 14, 2017 19:16

timp: Sep 19, 2007; Everything is in my control; Lipstick Apathy

loquacius posted:

If Josh Duggar could be forgiven with no consequences for molesting his sisters I'm sure a few nude pix will be a piece of cake to put in the past

Again just cry in public

Actually that depends on how many reality TV shows the confessor has starred in. Needs to be at least 1.5 for The Duggar Effect to occur

# ? Feb 14, 2017 20:28

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

loquacius posted:

If Josh Duggar could be forgiven with no consequences for molesting his sisters I'm sure a few nude pix will be a piece of cake to put in the past

Again just cry in public

To the right kind of Evangelical, Duggaring someone is a much lesser sin.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 22:56

Dogbrisket: Jun 10, 2009

As enjoyable as this thread has been so many of these recent confessions are STDH.txt it's ridiculous and pretty transparent, imo.

# ? Feb 14, 2017 23:55

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

Sorry, I'll put in a little more effort from now on

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:11

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

Please do its been really sad lately I've considered posting more of my own lovely, lovely life

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:21

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

The amount of Goku related confessions has gone down, so I'm happy about that.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:24

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I am a 34 year old man, who is getting married to his girlfriend of 7 years next month. I am also fairly left leaning and supportive of progressive causes, when they come up.

Despite all that, if I forget to or do not manage to have breakfast before morning exercise, I walk out of the gym as a raging incel misogynyst, feeling mad, upset or both at all the denied pussy of the world. The fact that I've not had a dry spell for close to a decade and may have had sex the night before does not matter at that point and I am mad at all the vapid sluts who do not show any sort of sexual interest in me.

Once I make it to the office and eat a handful of nuts or something, it is all right again and I am back to normal. That should make it obvious that it is a low blood sugar thing or something, but where there is smoke, there is fire, and I am not super happy about this side of me.

I saw a therapist about it and had sessions for about a year. Misogyny never came up, but we spoke a lot about feelings of professional inadequacy and how gender stereotypes are not as rigid in this area of the country as I think. I tried several times to talk about the incel mornings and how I felt about those, but the therapist steered me away. I did not skip breakfasts and the fuming incel mornings kind of ceased to be a thing, so I eventually stopped worrying.

However, it does not feel like it's really gone or that I understood what that was about.

I get like that some mornings except instead of just women I hate everything

quote:

I'm a human resources rep for a Fortune 500 company and the things I have seen would turn your stomach and make you instantly disavow corporate America.

1) Two employees spit roasted a young (17) intern. It was consensual but illegal, disgusting, and against company policy. A different full time employee found out about it from the guys and came to HR about it. Those two guys weren't fired, but the intern was.

2) Our top salesman went on a cocaine fueled bender and got into the office when it was closed over Christmas. He proceeded to do about 14 thousand dollars worth of damage, including smashing a toilet with a decorative golden hammer that was part of a trophy. He wasn't fired and his only punishment was having to pay a $20 fine for losing his ID badge and having to get a new one. This was justified by top people in the company as "he brings in enough revenue to excuse this kind of thing every so often".

3) I've been in meetings with top brass discussing ways to reduce pay raises for employees. Our current plan - change the year end rating system from a score 1-10 to a score 1-5. Then change the average score from a 5/10 to a 2/5. That drops the average score from 50% to 40% and can justify lowering the average year end raise by 10%. This will almost definitely come to pass this year.

That's 3 biggies out of a nearly 10 year career. I've considered changing companies but am also smart enough to realize this sort of thing goes on everywhere.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:45

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Lmao if you didn't disavow corporate america years ago

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:50

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

The average of 1-10 is 5.5 and the average of 1-5 is 3. 2 is 25% not 40%.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:54

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Angry gym guy sounds like he has some issue involving testosterone and low blood sugar mixing together to affect his brain in a pretty extreme way. See a doctor.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 00:56

Incoherence: May 22, 2004; POYO AND TEAR

loquacius posted:

I get like that some mornings except instead of just women I hate everything

You've been watching too many Snickers commercials.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 01:50

rezatahs: Jun 9, 2001; by Smythe

if the best you can do post-workout is a handful of nuts(heh) i can guess why you leave the gym feeling angry and inadequate

# ? Feb 15, 2017 02:50

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

loquacius posted:

eat a handful of nuts

# ? Feb 15, 2017 03:06

Arven: Sep 23, 2007

I always laughed when HR gave the "we're here to protect you!" speech. Bitch, you're here to protect the company from us. I worked in a financial firm before ditching corporate America for education, and the poo poo they let hedge fund managers get away with "because they make us money" was unreal.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 03:20

Question Time: Sep 12, 2010

I too get irrationally angry and/or depressed if I don't eat for a while, though not in that particular way. Usually I have to miss two or three meals in a row for it to be noticable, though.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 03:20

Chard: Aug 24, 2010

If I don't have a burg on the hour every hour I start posting racist & sexist memes to every social media portal available, am I weird??

# ? Feb 15, 2017 03:26

802.11weed: May 9, 2007; ^no

Chard posted:

If I don't have a burg on the hour every hour I start posting racist & sexist memes to every social media portal available, am I weird??

Congratulations, mr. president!

# ? Feb 15, 2017 03:33

Hardawn: Mar 15, 2004; Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates; College Slice

HR goon, I've faced to bloodshed already and would like an hr job please hire

# ? Feb 15, 2017 03:39

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

HR jobs seem like relatively little work for decent enough pay. I've never worked at a place with HR so,

Y/N?

# ? Feb 15, 2017 04:24

Descend to slumber: May 12, 2001

The Management posted:

The average of 1-10 is 5.5 and the average of 1-5 is 3. 2 is 25% not 40%.

The average of 1-5 is 2 when you're not allowed to use decimals or round up.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 04:48

nexous: Jan 14, 2003; I just want to be pure

Descend to slumber posted:

The average of 1-5 is 2 when you're not allowed to use decimals or round up.

You're assuming 0 is a valid value. He is not.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 05:02

Mr. F!: Sep 21, 2016

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

HR jobs seem like relatively little work for decent enough pay. I've never worked at a place with HR so,

Y/N?

There's a poo poo ton of paper work

# ? Feb 15, 2017 05:15

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Descend to slumber posted:

The average of 1-5 is 2 when you're not allowed to use decimals or round up.

(1+5)/2 = 3.0 exactly

# ? Feb 15, 2017 05:31

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

The Management posted:

(1+5)/2 = 3.0 exactly

You misread it:

Descend to slumber posted:

The average of 1-5 is 2 when you're not allowed to use decimals or round up.

(1-5)/2 = -2

Thats a form of 2.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 05:36

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Solice Kirsk posted:

You misread it:

(1-5)/2 = -2

Thats a form of 2.

Good effort, but the average of 1-5 is -4.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 05:41

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# ? May 10, 2024 15:39

Camping.. Intense!: May 18, 2005; Absolutely; Grimey Drawer

loquacius posted:

the American dream

My hot take is that your wife should quit her job and take a little time off (meaning a couple months at most), and then when she's done and back to work somewhere else, if you're still unhappy and can afford it, you should do the same. The whole part where she insists you do nothing fun together shortly after spending a whole lot of time doing fun things together sounded super familiar to me, because my wife did the same thing multiple times when she was really unhappy with grad school. It's not actually personal, she's just sort of lashing out because she doesn't feel like she has control over the stuff she's really unhappy about.

Wow this dude sounds almost exactly like me.. Except without the parrot, although with my Anxiety i couldnt deal with one either. Did i write this when i was drunk and just chuck in a Parrot for kicks?

# ? Feb 15, 2017 06:17

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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