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Well, back in Korea, hopefully I will see something more enlightening than the inside of a bar.
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Feb 28, 2017 21:53
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| # ? May 14, 2024 23:46 |
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Her family is very traditional chinese and she told me that her family will want me to pay a bride price before the wedding (we are engaged). She said it will probably be around $35,000-$40,000. I refused. For me it is not about the money, but about the principle behind it. I don't appreciate the idea that I have to buy her from her family like some sort of object. This is what I told her, but unfortunately I think she took it in a different way. I say money is not the issue, and it is not for me. But I think that she thinks it is, despite my assurances that it is not. I make about $200K per year, while she makes about $45k. I think she thinks I am being stingy by refusing to pay for it. How do I approach this? She's out of town for work, but comes back on Friday.
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Feb 28, 2017 23:01
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BONGHITZ posted:I think she thinks I am being stingy by refusing to pay for it. How do I approach this? She's out of town for work, but comes back on Friday. 
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Feb 28, 2017 23:05
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Don't marry her if she's an idiot.
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Feb 28, 2017 23:05
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Maybe offer a couple of cattle as a gesture of good faith.
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Feb 28, 2017 23:05
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BONGHITZ posted:Her family is very traditional chinese and she told me that her family will want me to pay a bride price before the wedding (we are engaged). She said it will probably be around $35,000-$40,000. I refused. For me it is not about the money, but about the principle behind it. I don't appreciate the idea that I have to buy her from her family like some sort of object. This is what I told her, but unfortunately I think she took it in a different way. I say money is not the issue, and it is not for me. But I think that she thinks it is, despite my assurances that it is not. I make about $200K per year, while she makes about $45k. I think she thinks I am being stingy by refusing to pay for it. How do I approach this? She's out of town for work, but comes back on Friday. Break up or put your foot down. Some cultural differences are too infuriatingly stupid to compromise or find some common ground on. Find someone like her but without the expensive and ridiculous cultural baggage and inability to ever offend or disobey her parents. I dated and was almost engaged to a very traditional chinese lady. She was great, we got along well. I was young and in a whole "oh you have to just respect other cultures" headspace. Eventually it just gets too much, it's always you totally giving in to them because you have no culture or values, only chinese culture and traditions matter. Anything you want is just your personal desire so who cares, anything she wants is based on 5000 years of culture. Also your kids will be getting TCM, you will be getting TCM. A house you love and want to buy will suddenly be out of the question because of the address or some mystic energy in the layout not maximizing profit centres. It will be illogical superstitions and "respect my culture and parents" for everything from trivial things to major financial choices for the rest of your life. If you don't want superstitions and traditions you find stupid, illogical, or harmful ruling the rest of your life "very traditional chinese" is going to be a universal deal-breaker. I'm sure she's very nice and you're very in love but a marriage is based on a lot more than that and there's a good chance you'll be miserably dominated by this poo poo or getting into massive screaming arguments about it all the time because it will never go away while her family lives. Baronjutter fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Feb 28, 2017 |
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Feb 28, 2017 23:06
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try the /r/relationships thread. sorry about your divorce
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Feb 28, 2017 23:10
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BONGHITZ posted:Her family is very traditional chinese and she told me that her family will want me to pay a bride price before the wedding (we are engaged). She said it will probably be around $35,000-$40,000. I refused. For me it is not about the money, but about the principle behind it. I don't appreciate the idea that I have to buy her from her family like some sort of object. This is what I told her, but unfortunately I think she took it in a different way. I say money is not the issue, and it is not for me. But I think that she thinks it is, despite my assurances that it is not. I make about $200K per year, while she makes about $45k. I think she thinks I am being stingy by refusing to pay for it. How do I approach this? She's out of town for work, but comes back on Friday. Source your quotes, my dude
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Feb 28, 2017 23:10
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Chomp8645 posted:Maybe offer a couple of cattle as a gesture of good faith.
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Feb 28, 2017 23:18
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40k seems steep for a wife. What do Russian brides go for these days?
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Feb 28, 2017 23:27
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If a person would actually be stupid enough to ask this thread for relationship advice they would by definition be too stupid to take the good advice anyway that said Chomp8645 posted:Maybe offer a couple of cattle as a gesture of good faith. also holy gently caress this belongs in an art installation 
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Feb 28, 2017 23:29
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BONGHITZ posted:Her family is very traditional chinese and she told me that her family will want me to pay a bride price before the wedding (we are engaged). She said it will probably be around $35,000-$40,000. I refused. For me it is not about the money, but about the principle behind it. I don't appreciate the idea that I have to buy her from her family like some sort of object. This is what I told her, but unfortunately I think she took it in a different way. I say money is not the issue, and it is not for me. But I think that she thinks it is, despite my assurances that it is not. I make about $200K per year, while she makes about $45k. I think she thinks I am being stingy by refusing to pay for it. How do I approach this? She's out of town for work, but comes back on Friday. lol she's 28
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Feb 28, 2017 23:35
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H.P. Hovercraft posted:lol she's 28 so shes already a leftover and she wants 50k? lmbo
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Feb 28, 2017 23:53
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that is so dumb, she should respect your culture pay in bitcoin
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Mar 1, 2017 00:17
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https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5wqi1i/me_31_m_with_my_fiance_28f_3_years_i_dont_want_to/?st=izq5lac8&sh=f47d094b in case you were actually confused
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Mar 1, 2017 00:17
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best comment "Just say that you were expecting a 40000 dollar dowry so they cancel the other out" bride price is just dumb unless you are marrying into a way higher status family. You are supposed to have to pay the man to take the less valuable daughter
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Mar 1, 2017 00:20
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quote:Oh, because blacks are treated so well in India, Arabia, Europe, Southeast Asia, Japan, Korea, Australia, Latin America, Israel, right? The apologists are out in full force about that document. Ah, yes, black people killing other black people on the other side of the planet surely excuses racism in a completely different country. Also, here's a rumor about African students using their scholarship money to bribe hungry Chinese women to sleep with them (hmm, why were they starving, anyway?).
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Mar 1, 2017 00:25
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The idea that a father or mother or both has any loving ownership of a grown-rear end adult woman is silly as poo poo. I can't respect that element of chinese culture and it sounds like something worth being a shithead about and refusing to partake in imo.
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Mar 1, 2017 00:28
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I love that the cucking phenomenon works with freaks of all races  There's no way a Good Chinese Woman would be with a black man of her own volition, she has to be in it for the food! 
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Mar 1, 2017 00:34
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https://twitter.com/AmyJBrittain/status/836675650253688834
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Mar 1, 2017 00:40
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basic hitler posted:I can't respect chinese culture TRIGGERED
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Mar 1, 2017 00:45
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Nice
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Mar 1, 2017 00:46
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Fauxtool posted:TRIGGERED I mean it's funny to edit my point but there's a lot i really like, but just about anything to do with family seems loving dysfunctional including the apparent sale of daughters.
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Mar 1, 2017 00:50
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Gorea
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Mar 1, 2017 00:51
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Nice
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Mar 1, 2017 00:55
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very clever with maracas posted:you people are kind of dumb and american-centric Are you an actual retarded person?
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Mar 1, 2017 01:01
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europeans and asians have no history of subjugating black people. none. don't look into it. they're morally absolved from the problematic nature of blackface.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:05
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oohhboy posted:Well, back in Korea, hopefully I will see something more enlightening than the inside of a bar. You're in Korea, so, no. Fake edit: If you have some time in Seoul, go to the War Museum. It's really excellent. BONGHITZ posted:Her family is very traditional chinese and she told me that her family will want me to pay a bride price before the wedding (we are engaged). She said it will probably be around $35,000-$40,000. I refused. For me it is not about the money, but about the principle behind it. I don't appreciate the idea that I have to buy her from her family like some sort of object. This is what I told her, but unfortunately I think she took it in a different way. I say money is not the issue, and it is not for me. But I think that she thinks it is, despite my assurances that it is not. I make about $200K per year, while she makes about $45k. I think she thinks I am being stingy by refusing to pay for it. How do I approach this? She's out of town for work, but comes back on Friday. If she knows you as a person so poorly that she thinks you are being stingy when you aren't, do you really want to marry her? In any case, this is a cultural thing that her parents are just going to have to get over. Because it's frankly not okay to buy and sell women, even from their families.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:06
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Oddly enough, if the family withholds the hukou papers, you can't get married, so good luck with that.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:10
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Ceciltron posted:Oddly enough, if the family withholds the hukou papers, you can't get married, so good luck with that. Seriously? Forget what I said.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:13
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Traditional Chinese Medicine should be called Chinese Medieval Medicine
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Mar 1, 2017 01:14
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Miasma theory is Traditional Western Medicine Also please remember that BONGHITZ just copy-pastes sad tales from Reddit.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:16
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I've been working on that site for about a year now and the omitting of the 4s has been causing massive eye rolling longer than I've been on site. Also, a lot of residents I've worked with who bought into the project before the developer went with the Trump name hate it.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:22
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Also by my count it's only 62 floors. Lower Lobby Upper Lobby 2 3 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 65 66 67 68 69 68/69 is a penthouse, and 22 is a mechanical room. LL to 21 is the hotel.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:33
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Imperialist Dog posted:Miasma theory is Traditional Western Medicine Oh. I didn't know, haha. But I feel bad for whoever that is in real life.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:37
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Ceciltron posted:Oddly enough, if the family withholds the hukou papers, you can't get married, so good luck with that. pretty sure that doesnt apply when you live in the civilized world where adults are in full control of their life
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Mar 1, 2017 01:40
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5,000 years of no why ain't got poo poo on 6,000 years of monotheism
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Mar 1, 2017 01:45
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Fauxtool posted:pretty sure that doesnt apply when you live in the civilized world where adults are in full control of their life In theory, yes, but this means DOUBLE UNFILIAL PIETY, because you betray the fatherland and your parents.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:47
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China, your language has like five syllables, your homophones are the least significant homophones on the planet
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Mar 1, 2017 02:02
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| # ? May 14, 2024 23:46 |
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Ceciltron posted:Oddly enough, if the family withholds the hukou papers, you can't get married, so good luck with that. Not exactly, my wife was able to request her hukou papers with just her ID at the government office EDIT: Actually, that appears to be true, I was thinking of a different aspect of the hukou system KillingPablo fucked around with this message at 02:30 on Mar 1, 2017 |
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Mar 1, 2017 02:22
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