- SHISHKABOB
- Nov 30, 2012
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Fun Shoe
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I Have a confession to make. I am bad at posting.
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Mar 1, 2017 14:46
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 27, 2024 22:22
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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It's Driving While Impaired Day ITT
quote:
Alkie goon checking back in.
I hosed up a few weeks ago. Went out for drinks with a friend, overdid it and drove home drunk. Drunk enough I don't really remember driving and once I got home I have no memory at all. Thankfully, nothing happened. This isn't the first time but it's going to be the last. I could have lost my license, killed myself, or killed someone else. That could have happened any of the times I've done this over the past two years, since I started losing control of my drinking. As it is I already lowkey want to kill myself, I've done enough bad things, endangered others and been a bad romantic partner and a bad employee. Every day is a battle with severe anxiety and self-doubt, and there was always something about being able to come home and pour a drink that helped ease the knot in my belly. Can't do that anymore, though. Being drunk was my release from everything I hate about myself, now I'm trapped inside my own head screaming endlessly and unable to make it stop. gently caress. I'm working on it. I don't have the support system I want/need, it's time for me to start working on getting that if I'm going to make it. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess so goons can ring the shame bell for me being a filthy drunk who puts others in harm's way for their own high. I promise not to do it ever again.
Go to AA, alkie goon
There is a ready-made support structure for you. It is so ready-made that homeless people can use it. Look for a meeting in your area and show up with an open mind.
quote:
I didn't murder a kid. I did hit one with a car once. Me and my buddy were tripping and going down a windy road.
He kind of cut in front of us, not saying it wasn't my fault. But still.
We stopped and checked him out, he was conscious but obviously in shock. His bike was all hosed up. He kept repeating "my parents just bought me that..." He didn't seem too injured, and in our state, we got the hell out of there.
I started to have a panic attack about 5 minutes down the road and my friend took over driving. Like I said, it's not murder, but still pretty messed up.
Sorry, kid whose bike I ruined, plus potentially injured? I guess this isn't as interesting as aliens or monkey-murder. Feels good, though.
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Mar 1, 2017 14:47
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- The Management
- Jan 2, 2010
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sup, bitch?
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So you left an injured kid by the side of the road? Maybe he was concussed and passed out shortly after. Maybe his knee was injured and he couldn't walk. Maybe he bled internally and died walking home. And who knows what permanent damage you did.
I don't know why I'm saying all this except that it feels like you're letting yourself off the hook because he wasn't injured too badly. I suggest you look up police reports and local news of the time to see if anything comes up.
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Mar 1, 2017 16:35
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Didn't it seem strange to you, the way it felt so familiar? The road, the trees, that bike?
That's the strangest part really, the bike. It shouldn't seem familiar. You've never been allowed to own a bike. Your parents forbade it as long as you can remember, which isn't that long really. But you've never found that strange. After all, most people do forget their childhood eventually.
But that bike. It was so familiar, you knew you had it seen it somewhere before. In a dream, perhaps? No, more like a memory.
Then it hit you.
The bike, the limp, the brain damage, and terrible posting, it all came rushing back. You were always on that road.
And then you hit you.
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Mar 1, 2017 17:27
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- DACK FAYDEN
- Feb 25, 2013
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Bear Witness
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quote:H) We were forced to put in a post credit scene where Thanos literally shakes his fist and says "Curse you Avengers!!!"
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Mar 1, 2017 19:38
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I was young, depressed, and had little self-esteem. This led to me getting married to someone with borderline personality disorder years and years ago. Anyone familiar with the disease will tell you that when a borderline gives attention to someone in a relationship, they are ridiculously over-attached in a way that "clingy" cannot even begin to describe. Because I have really lovely family that never shows any affection, I fell for it and thought we were in the whole movie/fairy tale love situation. No one had ever made me feel cared about, until her.
that is until... about a year in, when she got off her meds and got bored with me. She cheated and lied constantly, and spent all of our (mostly my) money. The best part? She was catfishing people on myspace before that term even existed. Pretending to be some white girl from the UK (she was most definitely not from the UK, and most definitely black). She was buying internet strangers expensive gifts on Amazon. The kicker? About half of them were 16 to her 24. I found out about it after she left her browser open on her laptop, which I had borrowed to finish a college term paper I was working on. I kicked her out immediately and filed for divorce.
Before this - There were other signs of cheating, but whenever I brought them up she deflected it and accused me of being overbearing, jealous, possessive, etc etc. It would be an explosive argument and she would belittle me until I felt like absolute dirt, and believed her. Like I said, low-self esteem. I beat myself up over the fact that I had figured out she was cheating on me already, and let it continue for several years until I saw the actual proof on her laptop. She was also extremely emotionally abusive and gave me deepened anxiety and depression. For months after I kicked her out, I couldn't leave my apartment without suffering a panic attack. Too crippled to even go to the loving grocery store, i basically lived off Pizza hut and still suffered anxiety attacks when I had to open the goddamn door.
I took two years off from dating to work on myself. I started working out, got in the best shape of my life and with cognitive therapy started overcoming my generalized/social anxiety and low self-esteem. I thought that I was ready to start dating again.
I started seeing someone, for roughly a year. And then found out they had cheated on me also. It was devastating. I felt like a good portion of my progress completely unraveled. From then on anyone I've dated I've been unable to trust them fully. And so far, 100% of the time. I have been completely right.
I don't give a gently caress how it sounds. If/when I have the chance I go through my gf's phones or laptop to see what they are up to. 90% of the time, they are outright cheating. The other 10% of the time, they're keeping in touch with someone who either hits on them constantly or outright explicitly asks for sex. And although that other 10% I believe they never physically acted on it - I just don't see the point in talking to someone like that while you're in a relationship.Whenever the tables were turned (randos messaging me on facebook, or a girl flirting with me face to face) I would immediately reply "I'm sorry but I have a girlfriend" and never speak to that person again.
Now? I just don't care. A few years ago I finally started taking lexapro for my anxiety issues. It made me an emotional trainwreck for several months, but now I feel like this poo poo has made me emotionally bulletproof and I loving love it. Every now and then, about 6 months or so, I'll have a weird depressed/sad mood that makes me feel like crying - it last about 3 minutes and then it's gone. That's it. It's not that I don't feel guilt or shame for what I do; I just don't care or feel SAD about it.
I now cheat on my girlfriends constantly, because I'm convinced (and have been shown) that they will do it to me eventually. I gently caress other girls or carry out online affairs (just talking and having girls send me nudes) just for the gently caress of it. I think partially, along with the medication, it helps me from getting too attached to the person I'm with. I know I can always go out and find someone else, so when I catch them lying or cheating it's not that big of a deal.
There was someone I was seeing for nearly a year and half now, who I was starting to feel really really really bad about lying too. I had finally opened up to her about a lot of my past, and she seemed genuinely concerned. Promising me she would never hurt me like others have before. Haha! Well I've heard that before, from the very few girls I've opened up to. Sure enough, right before Valentine's day, she left her new phone in my sight while she went to use the bathroom. She hadn't set a passcode on it yet.
I was getting weird vibes from her whenever I'd enter the room - seeming nervous and looking like she was exiting out of an app, or just immediately putting her phone down. I even confronted her about it, because I WANT to be able to talk things out and not be a paranoid mess. She told me that because she knew it made me uncomfortable, SHE actually got nervous about hurting my feelings and put the phone away for me. Plus she had a bad habit of texting while we were in the middle of going out on dates or trying to spend quality time together.
Thing is, I know that cheating can become almost an addiction. And you almost dont care if the other person is in the room, you want to answer that text. Its more incriminating to see a text from a particular person and never answer it....
Sure enough I looked, and sure enough she had been talking to a female friend of hers. The friend was sending her pictures of her newly pierced tits and genitals. Ok? Wtf? I guess it could be something else, theyve known each other for a long time and maybe they feel more comfortable talking about their bodies... gently caress i dont know, girls are different than guys in some ways? right? And girls can tell each other, as friends, that they love each other, right? Guys only do that when they're drunk, man.
haha, no i'm a loving dumbass. Scroll up a few more lines and see there is talk about "Can't wait until we live together." and they're not just the "I love yous" but "I love you so deeply, with everything in my heart."
At the end of the day fair is fair. I've cheated on this girl with several people already. But the reason? Because I figured this poo poo (her cheating on me, physically or emotionally) would happen anyway.
Thing is this other girl (who she knows from high school but has lived out of state for years) is in a relationship with another guy. So I waited until my gf got in the shower, screenshotted the convos, sent them to myself (to send to him) and then deleted the evidence. When I find someone new I'm going to let everyone know that I know. But for now I'm staying with her, until I find someone that can get me off as good as she can. She gives me the best head & sex I've ever had in my life and it's completely for my pleasure. The downside of the medicine is it takes a lot of work to make me cum. It's been a problem in the past for other girls, but she's totally in to how long I last. And I can satisfy her with minimal effort so it's an amazing match, sexually.
Since I'm convinced that I cannot find a satisfying emotional relationship (I think people are just too loving attached to their phones/instant gratification that they are always looking for the next best thing) I am fine with what we have, for now.
I'm going to keep looking, but I'm also going to keep cheating. Because gently caress anyone making me feel inferior ever again.
And if any of this sounds familiar, I have posted in one of these threads before. I just can't remember specifically what I said because I have a bit of memory fog from antidepressants.
quote:
hello thread,
I'm the aimless, directionless, depressed guy in his 30s with a lovely gf, just wanted to update the thread because lately it seems that there's so many like me or worse out there (more on this later).
I've never really believed in therapy and every time I saw it being suggested on these forums I always thought it was a lovely solution, I just thought it was lovely advice to go to a therapist just to be prescribed some drugs that'd just numb you to forget the pain.
Well I actually started seeing a therapist (I just went 3 times for now) and obviously he hasn't miraculously healed me of my sadbrains, but what he's managed to do has been opening my eyes on a lot of stuff I thought I already knew, both about myself and the mind in general.
After our third appointment I made it clear that I couldn't keep seeing him every week because of the cost, so I told him I'd be back when the time was right to update him. I guess he was worried both professionally and personally about not seeing me again because I'd told him everything about my failed suicide attempt years ago, about how low I'm feeling lately and also (when he prodded me) about the recent return of suicidal thoughts. He obviously suggested the possibility of drugs but I refused them for the usual reason, it'd feel like covering my eyes and ears when I live every day knowing what's hurting and why.
So he gifted me the book he'd just published a few days before, and long story short I read it all this weekend. The book talks at length about relationships and all the mechanisms that govern or surround them. I guess it's mostly aimed at a public of mental health professionals and therapists, but it was good enough for a layman like me: so much in fact that I wonder why none of this basic stuff is taught in school.
It opened my eyes on a lot of the stuff that I already knew about or that I thought I knew about. I already knew that the root cause of my depression and of my feelings of inadequacy was very probably my overcontrolling, manipulative mother and the way I was raised. This book helped me understand that I basically never got out of my adolescent phase, thus never actually forming a personal identity (hence the feelings of aimlessness etc.). Seeing it explained so clearly together with other core issues of familial and conjugal systems felt like seeing pieces of a puzzle falling in their correct places.
The most interesting thing, being a book published so recently, is the fact that it also talks about the issue of postmodern families and the spike in depressed/anxious/disturbed individuals in recent years (the internet years). Most of these problems have been a part of humanity forever (mother/father figures functions and roles, projection, identity) but people and families are changing so much (Bauman's liquid modernity) that entire generations of mothers and fathers find themselves without the instruments to properly raise their kids, giving way to a lovely cycle of kids growing hosed up and incomplete and finding themselves to be inadequate parents when their turn comes.
I still feel like poo poo but at least now I know where my problems come from, which in turn allows me to deal with them one way or another. So my advice to other sadbrains goons is go find a good therapist and at least find out why and how you're so hosed up.
I know that at the very least I'll be going back to my therapist to thank him for the book and for helping me understand myself.
(please excuse the lovely writing but I got it all out in one go while chilling with a few beers)
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Mar 1, 2017 19:48
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- yeah I eat ass
- Mar 14, 2005
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only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
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Drunk+depressed goons there's a e/n version of this thread that you could probably get real advice in. Just skimming through those novels I think all I can manage is: get some therapy or drink more or something, I don't know.
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Mar 1, 2017 19:52
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- KomodoWagon
- May 10, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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Yeah, make up for it by killing your second child swiftly and painlessly.
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Mar 1, 2017 22:59
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- whiter than a Wilco show
- Mar 30, 2011
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by FactsAreUseless
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Therapist goon shilling your own book through a web of deceit: congratulations on the most elaborate and worthless troll ad campaign ever I guess
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Mar 2, 2017 00:35
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- Gynovore
- Jun 17, 2009
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Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!
WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!
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sadbrain posted:
The best part? She was catfishing people on myspace before that term even existed. Pretending to be some white girl from the UK (she was most definitely not from the UK, and most definitely black). She was buying internet strangers expensive gifts on Amazon.
That's... uh... that's not how it works.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:06
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- Weaponized Autism
- Mar 26, 2006
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All aboard the Gravy train!
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Hair Elf
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Murderer goon you should try killing another child if you want to take your mind off that other one you left to slowly die
The first kill is always the hardest.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:01
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
Back in early 2010s I was arrested and charged with 6 felonies and a misdemeanor. My house was raided after my roommates friend ratted me out.
It has been 4 years since I got charged and I passed my probation and went through an Intensive Outpatient Rehab facility, and I still cannot even get the simplest part time jobs. Having nonviolent felonies make it incredibly hard to get a job.
I'm going to school currently but its incredibly hard for me to get a part time job to go along with my school, because even if I confide my background to most employers they do a background check and their corporate HR refuse to hire me.
It's getting tiresome.
You can't tell this story and not say what you did, that's kind of a crucial piece of information
quote:
Kinda short confession here. I've never told anyone about this, so I guess I'll try this out.
I'm gonna start off with the standard, boring spiel most of these confessions have. I'm a normal guy, college educated, normal job, regular forums poster (you'd probably recognize my username if you're a forums regular), yada yada. Politically, I'm mostly kinda left-leaning. Voted for Bernie, support BLM, whatever.
There's just one exception: I hate gay people. Despise them. Absolutely loving detest both fags and dykes. Furthermore, I'm convinced that I'm the one in the right here. Partly because I've always felt this way, ever since I first learned as a child that there are people who kiss and have sex with their same sex. I was probably about nine or ten when I found out, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I wasn't an angry kid, and I'm generally not an angry kind of person, but that moment and ever since when I think about gays, I was and am consumed by a burning hatred and anger that is extremely difficult to contain. I've learned not to tell people about this, obviously, but goddamn having to maintain face when I'm around those loving animals. Every second I'm around them all I want to do is crush their skulls with a bottle or something.
I'm gonna be called intolerant, or an rear end in a top hat, or mentally ill. Whatever. Remember folks, YOU'RE the odd ones out. Worldwide, most people agree with me and feel the same way, and I bet there's lots of people around like me who have to stay "closeted" (lol) because our dumb Hollywood culture makes it impossible to speak honestly about this subject. Homosexuality is wrong, period. It offends sane people on a fundamental level beause it is an affront and an insult to every social mechanism we are born into. It's a sick rejection of humanity and nature, and I sincerely hope the day will come when we all come to our senses and start executing these fuckers.
Peace out.
kind of a weird note to end an "I harbor irrational anger toward other people for an element of their personal lives which has no effect whatsoever on my own life" confession on, but whatev
Anger is obviously the reaction you're going for here, so allow me to zag on you and say that if other people provoke an irrational anger response in you for this or any other reason, that's not their problem, it's yours, and I hope you find your aforementioned peace. Namaste.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:26
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- The Management
- Jan 2, 2010
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sup, bitch?
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Lmao. If you're angry and want to inflict violence on people that have never done anything to you or anyone else, your brain is broken.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:42
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- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
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何 ??
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Lmao second confession goon is so far in the closet he has to anonymously whine about other people getting the dick his self-loathing-rear end wants
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Mar 2, 2017 05:02
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- curufinor
- Apr 4, 2016
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by Smythe
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https://gayhomophobe.com/
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Mar 2, 2017 05:14
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- Nocheez
- Sep 5, 2000
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Can you spare a little cheddar?
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Nap Ghost
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Criminal goon, buy a pair of work boots and start walking up to job sites asking if they need laborers. If they're not union there's a chance they'll put you to work for cash and maybe even hire you outright if you work hard enough. It's winter though, so couldn't pick a worse time to try it. Other than that keep applying and hoping for the best. Or go back to crime. Win/win.
In my line of work, I see tons of work going on places that machine woodwork or build housing components (truss, wall panels, etc) all over the country. If you can swing a hammer and move heavy stuff and can show up every day on time, you can get a job.
Bring your own hammer and tool belt and they will probably hire you on the spot. When you have a little extra downtime, ask to learn how to design, program, and run the machines/materials. It may take a few years, but you can translate that into solid office work.
Be prepared to work your rear end off.
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Mar 2, 2017 05:58
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- Jim Barris
- Aug 13, 2009
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I was a criminal for the majority of my adult life and yes you have made your life a lot harder but you can find a job. Construction and food service are two examples of jobs that will not care overmuch about your felonies. Try to avoid larger corps and apply to places that are locally based as they probably won't even shell out for a background check. There are also lots of programs out there whose sole purpose is to find felons such as us job opportunities, I recommend doing some research into what programs that are available in your area.
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Mar 2, 2017 06:19
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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"X is just wrong. Period" is not an argument.
Even the Westboro Baptist Church puts more loving effort into it than that.
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Mar 2, 2017 06:45
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- Gynovore
- Jun 17, 2009
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Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!
WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!
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Someone probably named Bruce or Sheldon posted:
Remember folks, YOU'RE the odd ones out. Worldwide, most people agree with me and feel the same way,
If this was a real post you'd be banned for cheerleading.
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Mar 2, 2017 08:09
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- KomodoWagon
- May 10, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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That's... uh... that's not how it works.
How does it work, then?
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Mar 2, 2017 13:32
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- KomodoWagon
- May 10, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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Fair, I just figured "catfishing" merely referred to the act of pretending to be someone else online while pursuing romantic relationships. Guess I ought to watch more MTV.
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Mar 2, 2017 14:07
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
I was raised in an extremely religious household and it really hosed up my development. Maybe permanently?
Sex was not a thing to ever be discussed. It existed but only after marriage and solely for the purposes of procreation. It was not a fun thing and, in fact, it was really painful for the man and woman and a sacrifice that had to be made to have children.
So needless to say I'm now in my early 20s, still a virgin, and currently in my first ever relationship. We have been dating for almost 8 months and he's starting to ask about sex. I am loving terrified, we haven't gone beyond kissing at this point, and I am also ashamed to tell him just why I'm so freaked out.
This kind of upbringing def really fucks people up to the point where a lot of the people who come out of it can't have sex after marriage either
At any rate I'm gonna mash on the  button again and add that you should be honest with your boyfriend about your problem. If he gets freaked out he gets freaked out, but keeping it from him won't accomplish anything and he might get impatient if he doesn't know the whole story. You have to tell him and you know you have to tell him. Just rip the bandaid off. Make sure he knows what your goal is -- if you want to change but need to take it slow, or if you just straight-up don't want to change, either way it needs to be out in the open or one/both of you are gonna get resentful.
quote:
I won a contest in the old Disney Magazine as a kid (that little one they sold by the grocery store checkout). I got a statue of a raptor from Jurassic Park. It was full size, crazy detailed, and for years it sat in my bedroom. I got ashamed of it in my teenage years and forced my parents to put it in the basement. I never brought a girl back to that bedroom so who cares, but at the time I started viewing it as some kind of vagina deflector.
I'm now in my 30s and the raptor proudly stands in my master bedroom, which I share with my wife.
That's the spirit 
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Mar 2, 2017 14:18
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- Gynovore
- Jun 17, 2009
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Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!
WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!
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You know, it's when you, er, I mean when someone goes on Facebook or a dating site pretending to be a super hot 18 year old. Then, fat balding 45 year old married guys looking for some poontang on the side email you them offering to be "friends". Then, the scurrilous individuals respond with "Oooh tee hee I'd just love to be your girlfriend, just buy that $2000 ruby necklace on my Amazon wishlist." When they do, you those bad, bad people go "ha ha scammed!" and trade the necklace for an Xbox or something.
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Mar 2, 2017 14:23
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- Gynovore
- Jun 17, 2009
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Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!
WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!
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Winston Smith posted:
It existed but only after marriage and solely for the purposes of procreation. It was not a fun thing and, in fact, it was really painful for the man and woman and a sacrifice that had to be made to have children.
Our duty to the Party!
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Mar 2, 2017 14:26
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 27, 2024 22:22
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- KomodoWagon
- May 10, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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Haha wow I missed that homophobe fesh. I guess he's right in saying homophobia is ubiquitous on a global scale, but like, so was fear of witches so gently caress off dude.
KomodoWagon fucked around with this message at 16:00 on Mar 2, 2017
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Mar 2, 2017 14:54
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Mar 1, 2017 14:46
