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WELCOME TO MLS, WHERE THE RULES ARE MADE UP, THE POINTS DON'T MATTER, EVERYONE'S NAME IS UNITED, AND IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN A FRANCHISE YET, UPDATE YOUR APP It's Thursday, March 2, 2017, and tomorrow begins the 22nd Major League Soccer season, the top mens' league in the US and Canada. 22 years means 22 teams: Welcome Minnesota United Sort of Promoted (I've heard "fauxmotion" for this but would like to propose "Cascadia promoted") and Atlanta United We Got the Unused 2006 Metrostars Jerseys. Third year Orlando are about to open their own stadium, new sponsorship money is rolling in from Target (plus, like, real merchandise available there), the chicks have a big tv deal, and Pringles are now the Official Snack Food. Our little leagues just keep growing! And the Philadelphia Union are a team that exists. ... WHAT'S AT STAKE Trophies and tournaments to be won, besides MLS Cup: CONCACAF Champions League (er, places to play that next year 'cause uh), Multilevel Marketing Canadian Championship, Supporters' Shield, US Open Cup. All-Star Game is in Chicago (Soldier Field, not Toyota) with opponent TBD. CONCACAF and CONMEBOL have World Cup qualifiers so expect callups for that. Also christ another goddamned Gold Cup. ... WHAT'S ON TV Nationally, Fox networks, ESPN networks, Univision networks, and TSN/RDS networks. Don't speak Spanish for Univision? They're doing an SAP English audio option, although you miss a lot of fun of inane Spanish language chatter and player middle names. How you get those channels is up to you, your cable/satellite/internet provider, and your favorite computer herpes-riddled pirate stream site. Locally and online, MLS Live, which is traditionally a free preview over opening weekend. League TV and streaming schedule with instructions on how to use SAP ... SHOULD I GET MLS LIVE? If you only care about your team, and you have cable, your team gets a lot of national coverage, and/or your team's local feed is blacked out, no. If you are a giant nerd--which you are, because this is MLS--and you like to watch any old game that's on, you're a cord-cutter, or you're a big fantasy player, yes. You won't get any Fox, ESPN, Univision games on it, and a few teams still black out games that are covered locally, but otherwise, I'm a fan. ... SHOULD I GO TO A GAME? Hell yes. If you've got an MLS, NASL, NWSL, USL, PDL, NCAA, etc team in your area, get out to a game if at all possible. It ain't gonna be Bayern Munich vs Barcelona, but you'll have a good time and meet fun people. Likewise, if there's folks in your neighborhood who meet up at a bar for viewing parties, drop on by. The best way to experience American soccer is to show up and have a good time. ... WHAT'S IN THIS THREAD News, views, discussion, running jokes, and CascadiaChat about MLS. Probably gonna see some NWSL. NASL/USL/PDL, the lower divisions, get their own thread. NCAA soccer chat--Tomorrow's Draft Picks and Waiver Claims Today!--might show up in the fall, might not. Why MLS is/is not bad, why Europe/Latin America is better, why don't we have promotion/relegation, and what expansion means to you are definitely new and exciting topics we're all dying to hear about. Live weekly or monthly in-game threads for your game day OH loving HELL commentary will be posted separately. Fantasy league is here: Nobody cares about your fantasy team REFERENCES: MLS AIN'T JUST A LEAGUE, IT'S A DEGREE Boys Girls Schedule, boys Schedule, girls Transactions Du Nord, Soccer Insider, The Equalizer and everybody's on twitter, instagram, snapchat these days for your social media needs ... The coolers are packed. The jerseys are bought. The banners are painted. The mohawks are bleached. The chainsaws and muskets are oiled. The cannons are loaded. The stars have aligned. Let us celebrate the opening of the 2017 MLS season with the adding of chocolate to milk and the team intros and running jokes to this thread.
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# ? Mar 2, 2017 18:13 |
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# ? May 13, 2024 06:32 |
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Get used to this image Seattle Sounders FC Inventors of Soccer Established 2009, but let's pretend it was 1974 Home Stadium: CenturyLink Field "The Clink" Yes, we share it with the Seahawks. No, we're not building a SSS. We already pack in 40k+ every game and trying to get a new stadium built in Seattle proper is a loving mess (see: Supersonics, RIP) Our training grounds/USOC venue is Starfire Sports Complex in Tukwila. It's very..."cozy", but it's better than playing in Yankee Stadium. Ownership Adrian Hanauer (majority owner, owned the USL Sounders and was our first MLS-era GM), Joe Roth (Hollywood producer of classics such as The Jerky Boys Movie), Paul Allen (owns CLink and whatever parts of Seattle Amazon doesn't), Drew Carey (knows the value of the Showcase Showdown) In addition to the real owners, season ticket holders elect an Alliance Council of fans that is consulted on FO decisions. From people on the Council, it's not been much besides a focus group, and they've not had the control some have wished. Season ticket holders also get to vote on the GM every 4 years. Coaching Staff Head Coach General Manager Garth Lagerway: Formerly of RSL. Said that the roster was going to get much younger this year, and boy howdy did he deliver. Team Likely Starting XI The 4-3-3 is dead, long live the 4-2-3-1. 2017 Schedule Why should I post all of that here. It's on the web. 2016 Recap A Tale of Two Halves. First half: 20 games. 20 points. No offense at all (that last game, a 3-0 loss to KC, we only recorded one shot...not shot on goal, just plain old shot, and that came at 88'). Defense that was average at best but looked worse because of the offense. Only head coach the team has ever known: fired. We're hosed, we're so loving fucke- Second half: Schmetzer replaces Sigi and promptly ditches our dogshit 4-3-3 for a 4-2-3-1 with Alonso/Roldan suffocating teams in midfield. Lodeiro comes on to play the role of playmaker/Jesus Christ. Torres comes back a couple weeks later to replace I-hope-to-never-see-him-play-CB-again Brad Evans. Our defense becomes solid. Morris/Dempsey can't stop scoring goals and Lodeiro can't stop providing them...until Dempsey's heart tries to quit on him. Still, the team soldiers on and despite playing with 10 men most of the time (Valdez was basically a hole in the lineup), they keep picking up points and manage to sneak into the #4 spot on Decision Day (way to go rest of the West for letting that happen). Playoffs: Squeak past KC in the Knockout Round on a Nevermind the fact that Toronto kept us from registering a single shot on goal after 120', SEATTLE WON THE loving MLS CUP AND NONE OF YOUR TEAMS DID. Let's recap that time Stefan Frei saved our asses, shall we? gently caress yeah last year. Developmental teams The Sounders also have a second team that plays in USL, with the creative name of Sounders 2 (or S2). The nifty thing about S2 is that season ticket holders for that team can actually buy into being part owners of the team. There's also an U-23 team that plays in the PDL, and U18, U16, U15, and U14 youth academies. Notable Transfers In for 2016:
Notable Departures
History The name "Seattle Sounders" was first used as the name for an expansion team for the 1974 season of the original NASL. They made it to the Soccer Bowl twice, but never won. The name was revived for an A-League/USL team in 1994, where they managed to win 4 league championships despite having an orca for their mascot. In 2007, MLS awarded an expansion slot to Seattle, essentially "promoting" the USL team. Despite including the USL owner, the owners wanted to rename the team to get away from the "minor league" Sounders name. They offered up Seattle Alliance, Seattle Republic, and Seattle FC because someone must have been a huge Force Dork. The fans wrote in Seattle Sounders, and the owners acquiesced, only adding on an FC to the name. Seattle Sounders FC started playing in MLS in 2009, the invention of soccer. Since then they have done quite well at winning, making the playoffs every year, finally winning the MLS Cup (which they also invented, btw) last year. Our fans are now even worse because of it. Titles
Notable former Sounders
Rivalries
Fans / Media
Why you should invest heavily into the Sounders FC:
Sounders Goons:
And one last time for good measure whypick1 fucked around with this message at 01:29 on Mar 3, 2017 |
# ? Mar 2, 2017 18:24 |
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here's hoping this year's final isn't Literally The Worst Game I've Ever Seen, Ever, like last year's was
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# ? Mar 2, 2017 20:57 |
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The New York Red Bulls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq_TmC0egCo
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# ? Mar 2, 2017 21:18 |
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Nostradingus posted:here's hoping this year's final isn't Literally The Worst Game I've Ever Seen, Ever, like last year's was The Seattle Sounders are a joke loser club that won MLS cup despite never scoring a single goal, it's all rigged.
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# ? Mar 2, 2017 22:35 |
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Minnesota United preview: - We'll be bad - I'll get drunk
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# ? Mar 2, 2017 23:08 |
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Cuban Chowder Factory posted:Minnesota United preview: This is the correct expectation for every team.
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# ? Mar 2, 2017 23:10 |
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gently caress Orlando City.
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# ? Mar 2, 2017 23:43 |
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Awesome writeup. I wish you'd include a picture of the champs though.whypick1 posted:Sounders Goons: The angriest of Sounders? Ehh. Yeah, you might be right. But we're the champs so gently caress everyone else. Nostradingus posted:here's hoping this year's final isn't Literally The Worst Game I've Ever Seen, Ever, like last year's was Ideally it'll be like last year's ECF, which was all kinds of insane.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 00:47 |
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I went to a few Union games last year and I'd just like to say that Ilsinho actually knows how to play with the ball at his feet and everyone else looked like they were playing pick up.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 00:50 |
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Xylorjax posted:The angriest of Sounders? Ehh. Yeah, you might be right. But we're the champs so gently caress everyone else. Blame foobar, I just left that on from last year's post. And
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 01:07 |
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Here, I'll write the Rapids post. Here it is: We suck.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 01:43 |
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whypick1 posted:Awesome effort post Hell yeah! Thanks for putting this together. So fired up! Say it again for the folks in the back!
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 01:45 |
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Fucitol posted:gently caress
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 01:53 |
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but on a much more real note this league is a complete joke and i have no idea why watching bad players is of any attraction mostly schadenfreude, i guess
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 01:58 |
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The Portland Timbers have basically the same backline that is terrible at soccer and loves to drink and drive. Except now we will also have Roy Miller who doesn't understand the rules of the game. Our offense looks like it'll be pretty good though. Also good new jerseys:
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 02:03 |
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Star Man posted:Here, I'll write the Rapids post. Here it is: Add "but have a fanbase stupid enough to call us the Leicester City of MLS without acknowledging what happened to them the following year." and you got it down pat.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 02:45 |
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I am placing a bet for David Guzman being sent off on his debut.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 02:50 |
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UZworm posted:Add "but have a fanbase stupid enough to call us the Leicester City of MLS without acknowledging what happened to them the following year." and you got it down pat. The Rapids would have to win the league first before being the Leicester City of MLS. But that was your point: we're members of a pretty dumb fan base.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:37 |
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Star Man posted:The Rapids would have to win the league first before being the Leicester City of MLS. But that was your point: we're members of a pretty dumb fan base. 2010, my friend.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 04:09 |
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Cuban Chowder Factory posted:
I hope that the signs are good and the Fire turn things around a bit this year. If nothing else I'm going to be in Toronto when they play there so I get to be contrarian for a day.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 06:12 |
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Nostradingus posted:here's hoping this year's final isn't Literally The Worst Game I've Ever Seen, Ever, like last year's was Nostradingus posted:2010, my friend.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 15:45 |
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Jermaine Dildoe posted:worst finals The lesson here is never, ever let Toronto near MLS Cup MERRY MLSMAS
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 17:30 |
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Here's to hoping Sean Davis meshes well with Kjlestan and Felipe. Also it would be cool if Veron showed up.
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 19:10 |
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soccer, it is, back
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# ? Mar 3, 2017 23:12 |
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G-Hawk posted:soccer, it is, back Technically this is correct. For the rest of the world it was never gone.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 01:11 |
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Soccer is on tonight.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 01:13 |
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Your Boy Fancy posted:Soccer is on tonight. I just started drinking. I know, I know, I'll catch up.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 01:15 |
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One more reminder to join the goon fantasy league! Even if you think you'll suck or forget about it after the first week, join up and give it a try cause I love easy wins. The first week doesn't count towards league standings, so if you're already too drunk to join tonight, don't fret! You've got til next Friday to your team in for hot goon on goon action.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 01:22 |
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Pinwiz11 posted:I hope that the signs are good and the Fire turn things around a bit this year. If nothing else I'm going to be in Toronto when they play there so I get to be contrarian for a day. We will be better this year. How much better...I don't know. But this is the first time I've been excited about a Fire offseason in a while.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 04:03 |
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The whole team of FC Dallas just walked in to the restaurant I'm at. Its taking everything in my power not go something dumb for the 'Gram.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 04:33 |
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B.B. Rodriguez posted:The whole team of FC Dallas just walked in to the restaurant I'm at. Its taking everything in my power not go something dumb for the 'Gram. Ask for autographs on a sheet of printer paper with "Players That Are Not Good" written at the top. Ask everyone but *googles FC Dallas* Urruti.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 04:38 |
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I didn't have the stones good posters of the MLS thread. I am a disgrace. My inner Nick Miller came out and I chickened out. I feel ashamed.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 06:07 |
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MLS has 9000 teams now and half of them are called "United" Lol at this league
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 06:08 |
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At least the Rapids scored in that game.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 08:53 |
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B.B. Rodriguez posted:The whole team of FC Dallas just walked in to the restaurant I'm at. Its taking everything in my power not go something dumb for the 'Gram. I saw a big group of Montreal players at the mall today, but I didn't recognize a single one so I just kept walking. They were all wearing Montreal gear head to toe.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 09:21 |
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I would like FC Dallas to win more again this season. Supporter's Shield was cool, but shucks I'd like to see them look confident/not injury-ridden in the playoffs.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 10:23 |
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Tigren posted:I saw a big group of Montreal players at the mall today, but I didn't recognize a single one so I just kept walking. They were all wearing Montreal gear head to toe. Maybe they were looking for better paying jobs
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 10:26 |
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Since I've been receiving their marketing material for years now, here's some info on Atlanta United Why do they exist? Falcons owner Arthur Blank convinced the city of Atlanta to spend a couple billion dollars on a new stadium for him next door to the existing Georgia Dome (which will be demolished when the new stadium is done). He thought it'd be good to sell some concessions during the NFL off-season. Why do they have their name? Dunno, there were lots of surveys and campaigns about team names that made reference to the local area, but then they just named the team Atlanta United What's this about a stadium? Mercedes Benz stadium opens in August this year. It's got a retractable roof that looks like a gaping anus, and an expensive video monitor that wraps around the roof opening. So yes, not a soccer-specific stadium. What does this mean for soccer games played there? It has an artificial turf surface, of course. And there will apparently be curtains covering the empty upper sections of the stadium during United games, to avoid the feeling of sitting in a mostly empty NFL stadium. Why should you go to a game there? The ownership has pledged to keep hot dogs at $2 and beer at $5. Why shouldn't you go to a game there? https://twitter.com/FourFourTweet/status/835517680954269697 Where will they play before the stadium opens? Bobby Dodd stadium, Georgia Tech's football stadium What about the front office? Darren Eales is the president, and used to be an executive for Tottenham. Carlos Bocanegra is the general manager. And the head coach? Tata Martino, who you may know as the manager that didn't win anything at Barcelona a few years ago, or maybe you saw his Argentina team collapse in the Copa America finals penalty shootout last year. Who are the players? Atlanta have spent a fair amount of money on transfer fees for 3 designated players right away. All are young South American attacking players: Paraguayan attacking midfielder Miguel Almiron, Venezuelan striker Josef Martinez, and Argentinean attacking midfielder Hector Villaba. Other recognizable names are T&T and former Stoke striker Kenwyne Jones, (former) USMNT defenders Michael Parkhurst and Greg Garza, former Atalanta (heh) midfielder Carlos Carmona, MLS Championstm Tyrone Mears and Jeff Larentowicz, and former Wigan midfielder Chris McCann. They also have signed USMNT keeper Brad "Bad" Guzan, but he won't join the team until July. Will they be any good? probably not. It does seem like they'll at least be an entertaining attacking team from what I've seen in pre-season. Will they be an abject failure as a team and folded/moved within a decade? Atlanta has a deserved reputation as a bad pro sports city, so it's fair to be skeptical about their long term success. They've sold a lot of season tickets for year 1, but time will tell. Atlanta has lost an NHL team and NASL team in recent years due to poor attendance and lack of support overall. What do their shirts look like? https://twitter.com/ATLUTD/status/801123255641718784 https://twitter.com/ATLUTD/status/830831722174496768
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 14:59 |
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# ? May 13, 2024 06:32 |
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For what it's worth I think Atlanta made the best signings of off-season easily. I expect them to make the play offs.
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# ? Mar 4, 2017 19:07 |