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timp posted:As loq has said many times in the past, it's a lot more fun if you assume all of them are real. If the thread was just people screaming FAKE over and over again it would be a pretty lovely thread. If you think one is fake, just keep it to yourself and wait for the next one. I try to take them at face value if they are at all believable, but the truth is that this thread is drowning in fake confessions. And if fake confessions get attention by trolling people into angry responses then it's a reinforcing cycle for more trolling. In my opinion the best way to deal with fakes is to call them out, to disprove them, and to tell the writer what a stupid hack he is and laugh at his dumb story. Otherwise this might as well be the creative writing thread and dispense with the anonymity.
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Mar 9, 2017 16:05
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The thing attracting the fake writers is the policy of posting every one they receive, not the lack of people "calling them out". I would guess that when they see their confession criticized for being fake they just start working on a new one.
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Mar 9, 2017 16:09
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That would be fine as long as they took a hint and were less loving moronic about it. Good plausible fakes are entertaining, bad fakes with bait in every sentence are irritating and not fun. Then people take the bait and it becomes even less fun.
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Mar 9, 2017 16:30
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i like nice words
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yeah I eat rear end posted:The thing attracting the fake writers is the policy of posting every one they receive, not the lack of people "calling them out". I would guess that when they see their confession criticized for being fake they just start working on a new one. I just noticed the SAclopedia has an entry for anonymous confession threads. The first on was on '06; for a time they were banned. https://forums.somethingawful.com/dictionary.php?act=3&topicid=1731 My opinion is that the well has run dry; people who really did murder their best friend ten years ago have long since confessed. Now it's just people writing low-effort poo poo for the hell of it.
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Mar 9, 2017 16:31
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Anne Whateley posted:That would be fine as long as they took a hint and were less loving moronic about it. Good plausible fakes are entertaining, bad fakes with bait in every sentence are irritating and not fun. Then people take the bait and it becomes even less fun. Yeah, this is basically my stance on it: post after post about how fake everything is gets boring, but stuff like that last DUI fesh where they're not even trying to sound like a human being instead of a caricature are also boring
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Mar 9, 2017 16:35
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yeah I eat rear end posted:I'm pretty sure most departments have long since updated their procedures to make sure everything is done by the book with recently calibrated equipment. This right here is probably the most unbelievable thing in this thread.
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Mar 9, 2017 17:06
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limp_cheese posted:This right here is probably the most unbelievable thing in this thread. Well yeah I guess I am giving them a lot of credit but I do know from secondhand experience that they will go to court to fight back if you try and challenge the accuracy of their speed/alcohol reading and the court is more likely to believe their calibration records than your "I swear I wasn't going that fast" testimony. I just was trying to say it was "a thing" going around that all you had to do to get out of your speeding ticket is fight it in court and question the accuracy of their equipment and it would get thrown out but they are at least aware of that and prepare for it now.
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Mar 9, 2017 17:11
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What I've heard you should do when you get pulled over drunk is exit your vehicle and turn it off, and within sight of the police officer chug a beer. Then he can't say you were drunk driving, only that he saw you chug a beer outside of your car.
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Mar 9, 2017 18:02
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yeah I eat rear end posted:Well yeah I guess I am giving them a lot of credit but I do know from secondhand experience that they will go to court to fight back if you try and challenge the accuracy of their speed/alcohol reading and the court is more likely to believe their calibration records than your "I swear I wasn't going that fast" testimony. I just was trying to say it was "a thing" going around that all you had to do to get out of your speeding ticket is fight it in court and question the accuracy of their equipment and it would get thrown out but they are at least aware of that and prepare for it now. I believe you're also required to submit a blood/urine sample after being booked, so unless the cops are falsifying all of those tests, the "breathalyzer was broken/rigged!!!" excuse doesn't really fly anymore.
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Mar 9, 2017 18:07
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From all I heard about the US and traffic stops, doing anything without prompting is a good way to get at least a gun drawn at you.
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Mar 9, 2017 18:08
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Mr. F! posted:What I've heard you should do when you get pulled over drunk is exit your vehicle and turn it off, and within sight of the police officer chug a beer. Then he can't say you were drunk driving, only that he saw you chug a beer outside of your car. Getting out of your car without being told to is a really terrible idea when you get pulled over. Doing what you said will definitely still get you arrested and it's questionable whether it will get you out of the DUI or not (it almost definitely won't). They aren't going to be like "aww shucks you got us, carry on citizen".
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Mar 9, 2017 18:21
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Mr. F! posted:What I've heard you should do when you get pulled over drunk is exit your vehicle and turn it off, and within sight of the police officer chug a beer. Then he can't say you were drunk driving, only that he saw you chug a beer outside of your car. make eye contact the entire time you are chugging, assert ur dominance quote:Therapy goon here. I thought I'd post an update since it was requested. I mostly lurk on SA. I didn't really do much of that either in the last weeks. The first date was a disaster and I thought that was the end of it, everything was suddenly super awkward, it was like a meeting an ex-coworker you are cordial with but don't really have anything to say to outside of work. Thank god we have somewhat similar views and interests and so actually ended up finding things to talk and bond about. We also have a very similar sense of humor and that helped a lot too, mostly in getting over the terrible awkwardness of it all. In the beginning we sort of kept pulling each other back into the thing when the other one wanted to run away. I am not sure in what other words to put it. That was just a very short phase though, since then we spent a lot of time together. I dunno, this is definitely progress for you, but there were a few things that sounded kinda like red flags in your description w/r/t being super controlling. Don't  right away or anything, but stay on your guard: a lot of social misfits who find themselves in a relationship for the first time will put up with a bunch of poo poo they shouldn't put up with because it's better than nothing etc (see: me in college), and the world is full of people all too willing to take advantage of this.
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Mar 9, 2017 18:22
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Police Automaton posted:From all I heard about the US and traffic stops, doing anything without prompting is a good way to get at least a gun drawn at you. Depends on your skin color. If you're white you'll probably get yelled at. If you're brown you'll immediately be arrested and they'll probably try to deport you regardless of citizenship. If you're black you have to hope your funeral has a good turnout.
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Mar 9, 2017 18:25
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The sharing plate part of that novel seems pretty weird. I can see someone taking your comment the wrong way, but it shouldn't have been such a big deal once you explained it was a friendly joke.
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Mar 9, 2017 18:26
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I aint gonna read all that
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Mar 9, 2017 18:33
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VanSandman posted:I aint gonna read all that
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Mar 9, 2017 18:36
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Yeah, get used to apologize for things you don't really understand.  Anyways, yes, be careful. I support loquacius there. The entire thing started off a bit weird and she being a mental healthcare professional doesn't mean anything in regards to her own mental health. I didn't see anything in that wall of text that would be massively weird or a sure warning to run for the hills but take care of yourself and make sure you're happy in that relationship. Many people get stuck with people they're not happy with for the simple fact that they believe they couldn't do better. Re: Money. I don't really see that as a massive problem tbh. 
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Mar 9, 2017 18:43
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Cliff notes, he hosed the therapist girl and it was awesome but she's probably kinda crazy and it remains to be seen whether he will run or whether the fact that he's getting sex for the first time in his life will cause him to meekly fall in line and marry her within the next month
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Mar 9, 2017 18:45
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as he'd get away alive
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Mar 9, 2017 19:03
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My understanding of the current US legal system is that the technology works and is accepted, but a talented lawyer will find a technicality to call into question the procedure used to charge you. There's always going to be some missed signature or lost finger print or whatever and you can get a whole case thrown out from that. You'll end up paying way more than what the fine is just to keep your record clean which is sometimes worth it. As for the recent confessions which are all painfully fake, there already exist threads in CC to test plot ideas for holes, they're wrecking a regularly amusing thread so their editor doesn't call them out on switching monster genders halfway through a paragraph.
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Mar 9, 2017 19:12
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I've never gotten a DUI but I once paid a lawyer to show up to traffic court for me, and apparently he and the judge agreed that although the officer THOUGHT I was checking the traffic map on my phone while stuck in a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam, what ACTUALLY happened was that I parked in front of a fire hydrant, and nobody needed to tell my insurance company about this
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Mar 9, 2017 19:14
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loquacius posted:I've never gotten a DUI but I once paid a lawyer to show up to traffic court for me, and apparently he and the judge agreed that although the officer THOUGHT I was checking the traffic map on my phone while stuck in a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam, what ACTUALLY happened was that I parked in front of a fire hydrant, and nobody needed to tell my insurance company about this What
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Mar 9, 2017 19:21
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They gave him a lesser ticket so his insurance rates wouldn't go up.
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Mar 9, 2017 19:29
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A lot of traffic tickets are basically a shakedown of the general public for more money -- in my case, I was stuck in traffic, checked my phone to see how bad the traffic was, and was caught by a cop who was cruising the breakdown lane scanning my lane for people doing that exact thing. I saw him pulling over some old lady for doing the same thing two minutes later. In a lot of cases you can get the charge dismissed by showing up to your court date and making a pious-looking face at the extremely bored judge. In my case, though, the court was two states away from where I was on my court date, so I couldn't very well show up to it, so instead I hired a local lawyer to do it for me. He and the judge were probably old golf buddies, and by showing up and saying "yeah this guy paid me some money, cut him a break" he was able to get the judge to make up something else to say I'd done instead. That way, the lawyer got the money I paid him, the court got my ticket money, and I didn't have to pay ridiculous fees to my car insurance company for something they decided was literally the same thing as DUI. Win-win-win-lose (the insurance company lost, but gently caress them). There aren't even any loving fire hydrants on I-684
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Mar 9, 2017 19:31
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Wow so weird that the therapist who fucks her patient might not be the most emotionally healthy person.
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Mar 9, 2017 19:46
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wernox posted:Marfan?
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Mar 9, 2017 20:00
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Sometimes you have to stick your hand in boiling water to truly understand it's hot.
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Mar 9, 2017 21:11
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Unbelievably Fat Man posted:Sometimes you have to stick your hand in boiling water to truly understand it's hot. I heard a cool trick to not hurt yourself from putting your hand in boiling water is to add a little bit of vegetable oil. The vegetable oil makes a film around your hand that protects it from the heat of the water.
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Mar 9, 2017 23:25
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Mr. F! posted:I heard a cool trick to not hurt yourself from putting your hand in boiling water is to add a little bit of vegetable oil. The vegetable oil makes a film around your hand that protects it from the heat of the water. so you're saying anon should grease himself up like a Grecian wrestler the next time he meets sexy therapist? so she has a hard time grabbing his rear end I suppose.
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Mar 9, 2017 23:28
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This is the best advice I've ever read on the internet and I feel I might as well cancel my broadband subscription now. Nothing else to gain.yeah I eat rear end posted:The sharing plate part of that novel seems pretty weird. I can see someone taking your comment the wrong way, but it shouldn't have been such a big deal once you explained it was a friendly joke. I thought about this actually and I think the more telling thing is the denying of having been angry later on. I have a family member who is sort of notorious for flipping his poo poo and that is a big thing in the whole spectrum that is his anger management problem, denying that the entire thing was as pictured. I wonder if such incidents will happen more in the future. In the beginning people tend to be better at masking their bad sides. That whole scene doesn't sound that dramatic and I had women get at me upset for less but yeah, the denial later. That would bother me. E: past tense for some reason, me no native english
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Mar 9, 2017 23:41
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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Anonymous Confessions: switching monster genders halfway through a paragraph.
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Mar 10, 2017 02:06
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Hang in there therapist-loving goon! It may not work out in the end, and you should be prepared for that. Over the years I've gotten to the point where I can love someone wholeheartedly but know that it could all end in an instant and that I'd be okay if it did. Don't put all your shriveled balls in one cracked basket, is what I"m saying. Nevertheless, she's encouraging you, she cares about you, she can help you get some momentum in life! And that's worth putting up with some poo poo for. If she becomes too controlling then draw boundaries, don't let it spiral. But everyone has doubts in a relationship, that's totally normal. They may turn out to be unfounded, they may not. But best just enjoy the ride in all sense of the phrase.
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Mar 10, 2017 02:43
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quote:Heres something I’ve been keeping inside for the last several years which I know will sound made up to anyone with a reasonable head on their shoulders. Ever since a certain experience which I’ll be going into more detail later I’ve been living a double life as an average middle class, non religious student in public and in private as a ferociously dedicated occultist. quote:I started doing something as a goof and now it's become a full blown habit. I just thought it would be a funny gag where I'd improvise new lyrics to a song as though the artist was deeply closeted and making freudian slips about sucking dick and such.
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Mar 10, 2017 04:24
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My non-anonymous confession is that I can't even read confessions that are about ghost encounters or aliens or conspiracies. My eyes just shut down and my brain kicks me for wasting even a few seconds reading such bullshit.
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Mar 10, 2017 04:33
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What's with all the "magic is real!" stuff popping up all over the internet in the last six months?
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Mar 10, 2017 04:37
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quote:Good night folks! Yeah, your story certainly helped me on my way to sleep, that's for sure.
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Mar 10, 2017 04:38
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loquacius posted:Like, try to keep your "narrator is an idiot" red flags down to one per fesh, not multiple per paragraph There seriously are morons of this level with this exact attitude to booze that I've had to personally interact with. Dude's gonna have to step through the multi year process to get back to normal driving privileges and going to be a total cocksucking motherfucker to everyone involved until it's over or he permanently loses his license. Possibly her. I'd say it's a 1/3 chance it's a chick in this situation. Some people wake up and stop loving up. Some double down on the whole "everything's rigged, everything's a scam, I havent' drank in 78 months this is bullshit" yeah I eat rear end posted:I think the "your equipment was faulty/uncalibrated" argument may have been more likely to work in the past, but considering how many thousands of people have been trying that defense since that advice started circulating (although I mostly heard the advice for fighting speeding tickets), I'm pretty sure most departments have long since updated their procedures to make sure everything is done by the book with recently calibrated equipment. PA is going first offence = vehicle interlock. This means they're cracking down hard on lovely breathalyzer vendors because they know it'll be a pain in the rear end if the equipment isn't accurate enough. It was already mostly cut and dry before, now all the weird edge cases are just getting filed off so that there's no way to excuse blowing positive. If it's local cops who don't give a gently caress it might still be fast and loose, but anything state and anything directly court related is gonna be pretty solid, or at least legally unassailable, imo. The Management posted:I can't believe you idiots are taking the bait on this fake as hell drunk driving story. It's an exercise in being an unreliable narrator, where he denies something but then it becomes clear that it's true. Except he goes way overboard with it to the point of absurdity. There are literally actually people like this when it comes to driving drunk. I used to deal with this all the time on the job. One chick was loving ENRAGED because she "had dinner and one glass of wine" and the interlock wouldn't let her start the car. I had to carefully explain, yes, the thing is programmatically set to forbid start if it detects a certain breath content that is defined by law. Yes, it's actually pretty low. Apparently with your metabolism one glass will put you over the limit. And she completely lost her poo poo and decided to quit driving rather than go through the process and get her normal license back. Or fuckers that wake up drunk and are pissed they can't drive because they're still boozed up enough that if they got pulled over normally they'd be instantly arrested. Or they get so pissed they can't drink and drive they break the equipment and then are even more pissed to find out this makes their car completely inoperable. yeah I eat rear end posted:I think in many/most of these things the base premise of the story (in this case, being someone who drives drunk) is probably real but they add spicy bits because they feel like they need to make it entertaining. If we called out every "bait" confession we'd have to do it for pretty much every single one. People hardly ever seem to write in looking for actual advice, it's almost all people trying to get a rise out of us with the remainder being drunk sadbrains dumping their feels on us. Weither that confession is actually real or not... who cares? But IMO not only is it completely fundamentally believable, there is literally 100% probability there is an actual human being with that exact story in their life history or it's unfolding as we speak. Mr. F! posted:What I've heard you should do when you get pulled over drunk is exit your vehicle and turn it off, and within sight of the police officer chug a beer. Then he can't say you were drunk driving, only that he saw you chug a beer outside of your car. Depends on jurisdiction. Never, ever leave the keys on your person or in the passenger compartment. Ex: you can easilly get a dui if you have the keys on the seat next to you and you decide to sleep it off instead of driving. Throw that poo poo in the trunk. It may be possible to get reduced charges or somehow talk your way out of it under some weird circumstances. Like if you blow just over the limit and the cop knows how these things work and isn't feeling like loving you up you can say that you literally just had a drink maybe 1 minute ago & you just got in your car. Because breathalyzers will give elevated results right after you take a swig and with some this is actually a pretty big factor. Of course he can probably make you wait a few minutes and retake the test. Or he saw you chucking empty 5ths out the window while you were doing 85 in a 20 in front of a school and just never mentioned it yet. Dogbrisket posted:I believe you're also required to submit a blood/urine sample after being booked, so unless the cops are falsifying all of those tests, the "breathalyzer was broken/rigged!!!" excuse doesn't really fly anymore. This is another one where it depends. Refusal to blow means you're prob gonna get arrested p intensely and depending on the local poo poo it might actually take a while for them to set up everything for the serious fluid tests. This difference could be the little bit it takes to knock the charges to a less serious level. If you refuse the blood test they (depending on where) are able to assume you were MAXIMUM ILLEGALLY DRUNK and they can actually hit you with maximum level penalties. This poo poo is radically different across states and even between counties/municipalities. Atlas Hugged posted:My understanding of the current US legal system is that the technology works and is accepted, but a talented lawyer will find a technicality to call into question the procedure used to charge you. There's always going to be some missed signature or lost finger print or whatever and you can get a whole case thrown out from that. You'll end up paying way more than what the fine is just to keep your record clean which is sometimes worth it. This is true. There's a lawyer around here locally who basically saves peoples asses through this but also he tends to pull poo poo like, "well judge, you know this client is charged with drunk bullshittery and gently caress those assholes, but you know, disorderly conduct + xyz can really rack up extensive fines our boys in blue can surely use to help stop the truly criminal element...." loquacius posted:A lot of traffic tickets are basically a shakedown of the general public for more money -- in my case, I was stuck in traffic, checked my phone to see how bad the traffic was, and was caught by a cop who was cruising the breakdown lane scanning my lane for people doing that exact thing. I saw him pulling over some old lady for doing the same thing two minutes later. exactly. A lot of the system is like this.
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Mar 10, 2017 05:37
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Arven posted:What's with all the "magic is real!" stuff popping up all over the internet in the last six months? All of a sudden? It's always been like that. Perhaps you're suffering from the Mandela effect?
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Mar 10, 2017 05:37
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Baronjutter posted:All of a sudden? It's always been like that. Perhaps you're suffering from the Mandela effect? He's blowing up women and children?
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Mar 10, 2017 05:51
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There have been magic is totally real you all morons forever. You should know to instantly tune these folks out.
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Mar 10, 2017 06:39
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