quote:

I was a middle school bully. I along with a group of friends I used to hang out with picked on one kid in particular (I’ll call Ricky) for being weird/eccentric/flamboyant. To us the harassment was a joke, but to Ricky the pain we inflicted was real enough to lead him to hang himself.

Needless to say the news of the situation came as a catastrophic surprise to a younger version of me who enjoyed spreading rumors and never took life seriously. I remember having to sit down after my mom told me about the email she had received from the school. With tears about what I had done, I lied to her and said he was a friend of mine. She consoled me, and gave me a long comforting hug to help ease my feelings about my “dead friend”. My skull imploded from all the guilt I was feeling — I stayed home from school moping for days, and I spent the entire summer between middle school and high school living in my own suicidal state. I never talked to my “friends” again, and I wanted out of there as quick as possible.

Needless to say, life plateaus, and after a year or so I returned to a state of normalcy. It’s been 5 years now, and I still have happy moments — Like the time I got into college, and the first time I fell in love, but a large part of my conscience plays back my memories of the kid I killed any time I start to feel “too happy.” I fall into real nausea when I think about Ricky, and sometimes it’s bad to the point of stumbling and throwing up. I’ve convinced the people around me I have vertigo spells.

I know deep down I don’t deserve the life and the happiness I’ve been given: my achievements and enjoyments are unearned, and if I could do it over again I’d choose to live life as a miserable heroin addict if it somehow meant Ricky wouldn’t commit suicide. These days I run in marathons, I donate blood, and I do everything in my power to be kind and convince myself I’m capable of being a good person -- while my mind calls me a worthless, pathetic piece of poo poo.

Ever since the day Rick died I’ve wanted karma to catch up and right me of my wrongs, even if it means making the rest of my life a tragedy. I just want to be free from guilt, and throughout my whole adulthood I’ve been dying to find some means of forgiveness or retribution. It’s just something that will never happen.

quote:

My wife and I faked a miscarriage in order to get family sympathy, money, and time off work. That was 5 years ago and it's still the smartest thing we ever did, but we both realize it's not technically a "good thing to do" or whatever.

Flash back 5 years ago; wife and I struggling in many ways. I keep getting my hours cut at work, she's working long hours and getting burnt out. She ends up putting on around 20-25 lbs over the course of 2 months. One annoying family member assumes she's pregnant, and that's when we hatched the idea. We told everyone she was pregnant.

About 3 months later my wife posts on facebook "Terrible news, we lost our little bundle of joy last night. Please respect our right to privacy in this time, we need to recover." Huge outpouring of support from our families and friends, and we made nearly 10k dollars from relatives offering to pitch in and help us out. My wife got a month off work and I got a week - which was pretty sweet.

I wouldn't do it again but it helped us out in a tough time.

Police Automaton posted:

I don't think ricky goon should talk to that guys parents actually, at least not just like that. You also have to consider what would be good for them.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Your lies will catch up to you eventually miscarriage goon. You will never be able to convincingly pull off acting like a guy who really went through something like that forever and someone will notice. I guess they can never prove it, but when something tragic really does happen, don't be surprised if people are a little more cautious with their support.

Nooner posted:

do you ever think about Rocky when you are jerkin it? I bet you think about him while you jerk it

loquacius posted:

The typo makes this sound like an accusation of Stallone fetishism out of nowhere

quote:

My entire adult life is based upon getting revenge on one person, and I am extremely close to finally reaching that goal.

I was relentlessly bullied in high school. My last name was Lichten, he decided to call me "lick dick" one random day and it just escalated from there. 4 years of nightmares, being afraid to go to school, being beat up, having my money stolen, having a shampoo bottle shoved up my rear end in the locker room, being taped to the flagpole so I missed the bus, having homework stolen, having half my head shaved while bullies held me down. Thousands of hours of torment, all because my last name sounded a bit funny.

I finished high school a broken person and limped away to a college a few states over. I had such a confidence problem I legally changed my last name. I basically started a whole new life, 19 hours away from where I grew up. I worked out, I saw a professional for help, I ate better, I socialized with people, I got a good degree, and I became a whole person again. Everything that he stole from me, I got back. Except for those 4 years, which I started obsessing about. I'd still have nightmares, and sometimes would start thinking about the bullying during the day and would have to excuse myself and go throw up or take some of my medication to control the shakes. The only really bad times were holidays - I'd go visit my parents at home and all the bad memories would come flooding back.

My therapist gave me an idea - to confront my tormentor head on. I'd grown so much as a person, he said, that I'd see him as just a person now, not a force of nature. At best, he'd apologize to me. At worst, he'd still be a bitter jerk who never grew up after high school. Either way, he'd be nothing to fear.

I looked him up before coming home for Thanksgiving in 2012. Owner of the pizza place his dad used to own back in the day. Married, 2 young daughters. Seemed to be doing okay for himself. He didn't recognize me when I walked in, he assumed I was there to put in an order.I guess I had changed a lot in almost a decade. He hadn't really - still has his braying jackass laugh, still has a gut that hangs over his belt buckle (it's much more prominent now), still has that scar on his lip from where his dad whacked him with a belt. I found that out from him after applying for a job there, getting hired, and eventually moving up to assistant manager.

I gave up my good life and a good job for revenge. I've been at that pizza shop since, and I've become my old bully's best friend and most trusted confidant. He shared so many issues - fears his wife was cheating, financial issues at his business and at home. He shared one big thing, too, something he didn't even tell his wife. He and the wife were trying to kid #3, a boy this time, but it just wasn't happening. He went to a doctor on his own and got bad news - he now had an extremely low sperm count, either due to his increasing age or due to an injury he suffered after baby #2.

I was a good friend and listened, and gave me advice. But I saw the wheels of destiny turning, ready for me to finally extract my revenge.

A few days later he left me in charge of the pizza place while he traveled to St. Louis for 3 days for a meeting with one of his suppliers. I told him I'd take good care of it. I texted his wife then, letting her know I'd take good care of her, too. He was right, she was a cheater. Had been cheating on him basically since the marriage started. That night I locked up the pizza place and left the ovens running with dozens of cardboard boxes stuffed inside. I considered waiting around for the fire but thought it too suspicious. I made sure to clean out the safe, though. I then went to his house and, as you can imagine, hosed his wife while his 2 daughters slept a few rooms over.

That was on March 8th. There's just one last piece of revenge I need before I'll be happy. Because I went to go see a doctor, too, and my sperm count is really high. Definitely a strong chance of conceiving, if I so wished. And I do. Because I'd love nothing more than for those 2 to have a child. Both of them knowing that he can't really be the father, but each unable to tell the other why without destroying their marriage.

Who's the lick dick now, rear end in a top hat?

quote:

I went to a gay bar and pretended to be gay (tight jeans, unbuttoned the top button on my shirt, combed my hair) hoping to get free drinks. It didn't happen and all I learned was that gay men, much like females, can be very judgmental and it's really easy to get marginalized just because you don't have a 6 pack or a 9 inch dick.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Once again a fake confession flew too close to the sun. All he'd have to do is tell the police, who would probably know it was intentionally started, who the last person in was.

I also like the idea that unbuttoning the top button of your shirt is considered gay by some goon out there.

therattle posted:

That's a very serious accusation to make.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I also like the idea that unbuttoning the top button of your shirt is considered gay by some goon out there.

ReidRansom posted:

Or combing your hair lol

Baronjutter posted:

Aren't you supposed to leave the top button unbuttoned unless you are wearing a tie???

Baronjutter posted:

Aren't you supposed to leave the top button unbuttoned unless you are wearing a tie???

Tweedledum posted:

I was relentlessly bullied in high school. My last name was Lichten, he decided to call me "lick dick" one random day

Tweedledee posted:

I went to a gay bar and pretended to be gay (tight jeans, unbuttoned the top button on my shirt, combed my hair) hoping to get free drinks.

Gynovore posted:

Try going to a sports bar wearing a football jersey, that will get you free drinks all night long.

Gynovore posted:

Hahaha you tell us your last name and then confess to committing arson, way to go moron. (at least you would be a moron if this were true)


Try going to a sports bar wearing a football jersey, that will get you free drinks all night long.

sout posted:

im... gay?

loquacius posted:

Revenge pizza goon

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I guess I was assuming it was a very late term miscarriage which I think people get more upset about long-term.

It's like the dead grandma thing for getting out college exams - once you use it once, if you ever need to use the excuse for real later people are going to be a lot more skeptical about it.

quote:

I'm about 15 months away from a revolution that is going to change the world forever. I will finally be able to rid the world of the annoying "feature" known as emotion.

I am autistic, which is a blessing compared to being a whirlwind of emotions like most are. I'm far more productive, efficient, and intelligent than most. I'm not driving by things like love and hate, I can't be swayed by emotion, I truly see the world as it is. If we remove emotion, we can drive Earth to a new golden age of science and reason, not disgusting things like pop culture, sex, and sports. True art will be appreciated based on the work involved, as it should be. A great video game takes hundreds of people years to create, it has much more merit than a painting we are supposed to appreciate due to it's "emotion". A single animation cell of one anime, even a lesser one, has more value than that. But I digress.

There's enough fluoride in one tube of toothpaste to give 10 babies autism, or one adult. I did the math and found that I need approximately 300 gallons of fluoride to give the entire world autism. That was easy enough to acquire and it sits in my parent's basement now. Although some people would line up for the cure, the tough part is to give everyone autism. Then I read about seeding (another benefit, the average sheep would have no idea what I'm even talking about). By putting low amounts of fluoride into clouds, it will mix with the rain water and sprinkle down on the Earth. Perfect! My 15 month timeline is solely due to this, I need that time to travel each continent and fly my drone into the cloud bank.

To anybody doubting me, I already placed some in my college's cafeteria and have seen the difference. Far less kids running around like animals yelling about "big boobs" or "weiner fests" or whatever. Finals week is coming, and I see far more students hitting the books. You're welcome, by the way, if you or your child attend Carnegie Mellon University.

You're also welcome if you live on the Eastern Coast of the US. I'll be seeding soon and you'll be free by the summer.

quote:

One night I looked out my window and, no fooling, saw Hulk Hogan sitting in my tree. He started curling a finger, beckoning me to come outside. I was about to open the window - I was 8 and the biggest Hulkamaniac I knew, after all. But as touched the handle, the moon came out from behind a cloud.

The moonlight shone down and, at that moment, it wasn't Hulk Hogan in that tree. It was a mummified corpse with hollow sockets for eyes and a black tongue licking it's dried lips. I screamed and it turned those empty sockets towards the ground, then jumped out of the tree. I heard dead leaves being crushed underfoot, trailing away from the house.

My dad showed up a few seconds later, asking what was wrong. I never told him, never told anyone.

Sjs00 posted:

some people call me Maurice

poopnanners posted:

How is this unbelievable?

Atlas Hugged posted: