Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I've been dating a pretty great guy for going on 7 months now. I am beginning to suspect he is a compulsive liar, or at least enjoys lying. He's made up many facts about his life which are outright unbelievable, contradict other events he's told me about, or are just too bizarre to be true.

1) He was in Afghanistan but came home after exceeding his "kill count" of 200. I told him this seemed made up and he said that the kill count is only for high level ops and is classified to the general public. I also know he was in the reserves but don't believe he ever saw active combat, since he's never shown me anything to prove this.

2) He claims that he invested in Uber when they started off and actually came up with the idea of self driving cars. I questioned him more on this, specifically how he designed them. He then clarified and said he just told them "You should make self driving cars" and that was that.

3) While in the Army he spent time in Japan. It's important for me to stress that this next part is all his explanation and do not reflect my views of history, Japan, or the Japanese people. While in Japan he was invited to an ancient shrine where no white person had been allowed before. He then had sex with the female leader of the temple, who was a virgin, and was given a samurai sword because he was so good. I've seen the sword - I'm pretty sure he bought it at a Renaissance fair.

4) He found a gun tossed in his backyard which could shoot 600 bullets a second. He used this gun to chop down trees, then threw it away because he was worried it was connected to a crime.

5) The local police department calls him for advice because, as a kid, he helped solve a murder. The police still consult him and beg him to join the force, but he won't because he doesn't want to leave his future wife as a widow and he has a lot of enemies that would love to kill him.

I'm impressed if a grown adult man is really getting away with 8-year-old-level lying skills like this

Question, have you actually met this guy in person, because it sounds like you're being catfished by a small child

quote:

I love cracking my back. I have people walk on it a lot, and that used to be my favorite thing. Then I was up on the roof fixing the chimney. I accidentally slipped and fell off and landed flat on my back on the ground. It was the best feeling in my life - I felt every part of my back crack. This is weird to explain, but I felt like a bunch of old sick air was released from my joints in that moment. I stood up after I caught my breath and felt amazing. I had a boner and felt like I was 2-3 inches taller thanks to the crack lengthening my spine.

So yeah, I know this is dangerous, but I've started jumping off the roof every night before I go to bed. Every night it's the same - huge massive cracks, like firecrackers going off. I get a boner, then head inside and go to bed. I sleep the sleep of the dead and wake up feeling refreshed.

please do not try this at home

# ? Mar 17, 2017 13:27

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# ? May 10, 2024 19:30

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

quote:

I am beginning to suspect he is a compulsive liar

No poo poo, really?

gently caress are you doing with him, dump his rear end

# ? Mar 17, 2017 13:38

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

I used to have a roommate who was weird like that with back cracking - maybe not that extreme, but there was definitely a sexual thing about it. I did it a few times by walking on his back which was weird but he got really annoying if you said no. I stopped doing it after he started letting out really sexual sounding moans when I did it and staying on the ground with his hand down his pants for several minutes after.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 13:38

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

Guy sounds great imo, haters gonna hate

# ? Mar 17, 2017 14:00

rezatahs: Jun 9, 2001; by Smythe

nah sounds like you found yourself an elite operator

sure the things they do sound completely unbelievable but they are the best. congrats on snagging a real winner!

# ? Mar 17, 2017 14:05

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

Where I live people like that are known as "Tommy Two-Shits" you say you've just been for a poo poo, they'll one up you and say they've done two. It's CRAZY how these people will stare you straight in the eye and come out with THE MOST RIDICULOUS garbage and expect you to be amazed instead of horrified at their idiocy. Most recently this lad me Da' works with started popping into the pub and bevvying with us and the first thing he says to me was that he's a ninja. He's in his mid thirties and the first thing he does is talk about his ninja training? He had to traverse this obstacle course, flip through a full glass window (to prove his courage) and as he's diving through the window he has to throw shurikens at a target (he hit bullseye on all of them, obviously) and land in a kata pose or something?

And this was before we'd even had our first pint.

Some of the bollocks he came out with was just handwaved away as macho pub talk nonsense, like him having a harem of women and a load of Rugby related boasting (despite him being a streak of piss) but then he started saying he was brought in from his (special) army training to fly in a genuine WW2 plane with its original pilot and he was allowed to drop a bomb and that was the tipping point when one of the older fellas we were with called him out and gave him a verbal drubbing... So he had to leave because he had to go race his Harley Davidson.

You meet people like this in school or college and you roll your eyes, because kids are idiots, fair play. But when you get grown men acting like this you start to worry and they're not even a rare occurrence.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 14:32

Fried Watermelon: Dec 29, 2008

Just imagine if he wasn't bullshitting though, what a life!

# ? Mar 17, 2017 14:57

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

it's called fabulism and it's a symptom of mental illness. fabulists lie constantly and extravagantly and they lack awareness of how hard to believe and easy to disprove their lies are. they do it compulsively and it usually relates to low self-esteem. men often place themselves in hyper macho scenarios-- women often claim to have had impossible and/or tragic love affairs, bore children to famous partners etc. see also a million little pieces, pill city etc.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 15:03

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

Oh poo poo! Wow, I had no idea it was a legit thing. I was wondering why they always sound so similar with their lies.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 15:30

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

Drunken Baker posted:

Oh poo poo! Wow, I had no idea it was a legit thing. I was wondering why they always sound so similar with their lies.

I worked with one of these people. It really is amazing what they think they can lie about. I work at a car dealership. This guy was a 60 year old lovely mechanic. He probably made 50k a year at the most. He was a fat slob, wore the same clothes every day, and drove a 15 year old hooptie to work. He had dentures and would sometimes show up to work without them, and just work all day with no teeth. The stuff he would come up with was amazing. In the year or so I worked with him, this is what he told me:

Just bought a brand new pickup truck. He can't drive it to work though, because there's a plow on it, or it's in for repairs (we work at a loving repair shop), etc
Just bought a pair of jetskis
Just bought a Harley Davidson. He can't drive it to work today because it's too cold or too hot or raining or windy or he forgot his helmet at his friends, etc
He owns multiple houses and rents them out
He owns multiple shopping centers
He just sold a shopping center for 12.2 million dollars
He would constantly show me pictures of 20 year old models who he said he was currently dating

The list goes on and on. If you tried to call him out on something he would go into an even more elaborate web of lies to explain why he can't prove it at the moment.
He would lie even if telling the truth was easier. It made no sense. After he got fired he went on unemployment, just like most multi millionaires do.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 15:48

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

These people are now the uncles who work for Nintendo.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 15:56

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I used to have a roommate who was weird like that with back cracking - maybe not that extreme, but there was definitely a sexual thing about it. I did it a few times by walking on his back which was weird but he got really annoying if you said no. I stopped doing it after he started letting out really sexual sounding moans when I did it and staying on the ground with his hand down his pants for several minutes after.

I love having my back rubbed and cracked and I will moan more than I ever had during the best sex of my life when I'm getting a good massage but there is NOTHING sexual about it at all. It just feels really good in a muscle-relief sense. I don't get turned on by it in any way and actually feel really awkward about the moaning when I'm getting a professional massage.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 16:01

Stickfigure: Sep 4, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

Yeah its like letting out a stream of piss you've been holding in for a long time. Especially if you have back problems and have to get through the day with extra tension. Also that dude needs a foam roller.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 16:07

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

The Management posted:

I love having my back rubbed and cracked and I will moan more than I ever had during the best sex of my life when I'm getting a good massage but there is NOTHING sexual about it at all. It just feels really good in a muscle-relief sense. I don't get turned on by it in any way and actually feel really awkward about the moaning when I'm getting a professional massage.

I feel you're missing the "hand down the pants for several minutes" bit there

# ? Mar 17, 2017 16:28

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

I can understand how one could confuse getting caught 200 times killing drain babies as opposed to enemy combatants might get you sent home.

Crab Dad fucked around with this message at 18:50 on Mar 17, 2017

# ? Mar 17, 2017 16:52

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

mfcrocker posted:

I feel you're missing the "hand down the pants for several minutes" bit there

I wouldn't say I'm missing it, bob. I read that and understood that this person's roommate is a freak. I was commenting that I, a totally normal goon person, also moan when I have my back massaged, but for me it is not sexual because, as previously noted, I'm not some kind of weirdo. I hope this sufficiently explains my post.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 17:12

Space Camp fuckup: Aug 2, 2003

Drunken Baker posted:

Oh poo poo! Wow, I had no idea it was a legit thing. I was wondering why they always sound so similar with their lies.

I knew a guy like this.

He claimed that he spent a year in the jungles of South America and got in a motorcycle accident that left a scar in the shape of an "X" on the top of his head, which was also his self-appointed nickname. Of course you couldn't see it anymore because it had healed. One time he walked to a gas station from our apartment to get some beer and came back with his shirt torn down the middle. He said that he had been assaulted by a gang of youths but naturally had kicked their asses.

He occasionally wore an eye patch for purely cosmetic purposes. He lived with his dad who looked and dressed like a cross between Liberace and Dracula. The house was full of tacky garbage you'd see in a Skymall catalog including several katanas and a Klingon bat'leth.

I gave up on trying to be friends with him when he claimed he had lung cancer in his "nodes" and would cough up fake blood into a tissue. Didn't keep him from smoking cigarettes though.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 17:29

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

I'm dating a really great guy who buys katanas from Renaissance fairs

# ? Mar 17, 2017 18:55

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I'd never admit it in person, but I think Naruto is one of the most interesting pieces of YA fiction ever written. The show is poorly paced trash, but the original manga is really fascinatingly done.

On the surface it's a show about a bratty kid who becomes powerful through friendship and teamwork and all that bullshit anime stuff, but there are two things that really set it apart in my mind:

1 - the setting. While Naruto is super excited to finally be a ninja, the world it takes place in is just completely wartorn and teetering on a knife edge of peace established within the last 20 years or so. That's why all these kid ninjas exist in the first place, they're child soldiers, all trained up in their respective nationalist societies. While the story generally focuses on the kids who don't know much about the history, the writing becomes way more nuanced when you realize that most of the adult characters on the show are literally veterans of a war that began before they were even born. It colors the rest of the series, and while Naruto himself eventually starts to recognize the fragility of the peace he's fighting to preserve, it always stays as a more subtle background element than something that it hits you over the head with. Sure, people talk about avoiding war and all that, but they very rarely tack on "because I saw my family get murdered in front of me as a child by ninjas from a rival village".

2 - the structure. Naruto's last name is Uzamaki, "spiral". The Leaf Village's symbol incorporates a spiral prominently, and all the high-level ninjas of the village have spirals on their uniforms. But it's not just an aesthetic thing, it's actually reflected in the structure itself! The series starts by showing Naruto's birth, then jumps ahead to him failing the ninja graduation test when he's 12 or 13. He eventually passes, and during his training with his squad and doing early missions there are some flashbacks to events taking place around his birth again. As the series progresses there are more and more flashbacks, and they generally all go back further than before, until by the end of the series we're seeing things that happened at the creation of the current ninja world, and how they've echoed through history to culminate in the events happening now. It's a big spiral - go forward, go back, go forward more, go back more, until the story fills the entire timeline. Again, this isn't something that it hits you over the head with, it's really subtly done, but once you notice it you start finding all kinds of cool symmetries between characters and events.

I'm not saying it's great literature or anything, but it's surprisingly well done for what it is and probably should get a little more credit on a technical level.

quote:

A long time ago (1990's) my then girlfriend cheated on me with someone I considered a close friend. The details finally came out, and of course we broke up, and I stopped being friends with the dude. Since then, I don't think about her much, but I do think about him. I don't look him up, and I have no idea what he's doing now.

What I think about, is, if I ever got some horrible diagnosis and was told I had only months to live, how I would like to track him down and then do something to him to get revenge. Not kill him, but just like permanently hurt him, like cut off his hand or shatter his ankle or something, so for the rest of his life, he'd have a reminder of me, and that I paid him back.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 19:01

timp: Sep 19, 2007; Everything is in my control; Lipstick Apathy

quote:

A long time ago (1990's) my then girlfriend cheated on me with someone I considered a close friend. The details finally came out, and of course we broke up, and I stopped being friends with the dude. Since then, I don't think about her much, but I do think about him. I don't look him up, and I have no idea what he's doing now.

What I think about, is, if I ever got some horrible diagnosis and was told I had only months to live, how I would like to track him down and then do something to him to get revenge. Not kill him, but just like permanently hurt him, like cut off his hand or shatter his ankle or something, so for the rest of his life, he'd have a reminder of me, and that I paid him back.

Anon are you familiar with the loving and forgiving nature of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

# ? Mar 17, 2017 19:22

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

some sick dude posted:

A long time ago (1990's) my then girlfriend cheated on me with someone I considered a close friend. The details finally came out, and of course we broke up, and I stopped being friends with the dude. Since then, I don't think about her much, but I do think about him. I don't look him up, and I have no idea what he's doing now.

What I think about, is, if I ever got some horrible diagnosis and was told I had only months to live, how I would like to track him down and then do something to him to get revenge. Not kill him, but just like permanently hurt him, like cut off his hand or shatter his ankle or something, so for the rest of his life, he'd have a reminder of me, and that I paid him back.

Wow. Hope you don't look too deep into any of your other relationships cause there may be some others that cheated.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 19:24

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Yep, better get that dude from 20 years ago for loving a girl I've forgotten about. That will teach him to be an idiot teenager

# ? Mar 17, 2017 19:47

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

The Management posted:

Yep, better get that dude from 20 years ago for loving a girl I've forgotten about. That will teach him to be an idiot teenager

My high school girly cheated on me with some dude at a party. One of my very close friends walked in on it. She at least broke up with me before he told me and before we hosed again (I was out of town for a few weeks). Possibly I was the lovely boyfriend? Who knows, dont care.

Jokes on her though. The guy she hosed around on went clinically insane a few years later and ended up taking a swan dive off the lighting fixtures of a very popular music venue in front of hundreds of people.

You hosed a nut!

# ? Mar 17, 2017 20:02

timp: Sep 19, 2007; Everything is in my control; Lipstick Apathy

LingcodKilla posted:

Jokes on her though. The guy she hosed around on went clinically insane a few years later and ended up taking a swan dive off the lighting fixtures of a very popular music venue in front of hundreds of people.

idk dude that guy sounds pretty loving rad

# ? Mar 17, 2017 21:52

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

timp posted:

idk dude that guy sounds pretty loving rad

He's dead timp.

I win!

VVV I Actually hated him for a diffrenet reason than banging my dumb ex. He was a poacher and illegally harvested a lot of undersized, juvenile leopard sharks to make really bad shark jerky. Those little guys take a long time to mature and the jerky was nothing special. VVV

Crab Dad fucked around with this message at 22:50 on Mar 17, 2017

# ? Mar 17, 2017 21:57

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

pretty badass way to own yourself tho

# ? Mar 17, 2017 22:41

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Nooner posted:

pretty badass way to own yourself tho

Definitely way better the old wait till your so comes home calmy pull the gun out, say you did this to me, and then blow your brains out.

# ? Mar 17, 2017 22:58

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

Before you go any further, google trepanning.

It's a medical procedure where a hole, or holes, are drilled into the brain to treat various brain disorders.

It's been around almost as long as humanity, it's still used today, and the benefits are enormous.

I long suffered from fatigue, depression, and god awful migraines. I went to every legitimate doctor I could and nobody could help me, short of drugging me up to not feel anything. So I did what any halfway intelligent person would do - I started researching alternative cures. And that's when I found trepanning. I was skeptical and scared, especially when my doctors refused to do it and claimed it was just for surgical access to the brain. gently caress that - I've done my research.

So, thanks to the amazing documentary "A Hole in the Head" - I did it myself. I won't lie, it was terrifying and hurt like hell and seeing so much blood really scared me. But I powered through.

And when the rush of oxygen hit my brain, every ache and pain floated away. That was 3 months ago and they've never come back, and I feel like a new man.

I keep the hole clean with a saline solution, and I cut off the gross bits as needed. It's a relatively small hole and I plan to drill 3-5 more to increase the oxygen to my brain. When I go out in public I usually wear a hat, just to make sure no insects get in. But around the house? I air it out and really feel my brain power boost.

About time we had a DIY home surgery success story

quote:

I don't know how sleeping goes for other people, but I have never fully experienced a "dream" before. Often at night I just find myself lying in bed completely awake, devoid of any fatigue whatsoever. The points where I feel tired the most are after I wake up or when I'm bored out of my mind, which makes afternoon naps feel like heaven. I'll go to bed at 10 or 12 and regardless of those times I "slip" into sleeping around 1 or 2 am. I never remember "falling" asleep, I just find myself awake after a blur in my memory. My sleep habits can obviously use some improvement and I don't take those naps to worsen it, but still sleeping is hard guys.

All that is not why I wrote this confession though. There's around a 10% chance that I get a night tremor that wakes me up either in the middle of the night or when I would normally wake up. They always involve some entity or "thing" about to attack me while I'm asleep and I have the foresight to see this coming. If it's during the night I spring out of bed shocked and wind up in another room of the house in my underwear. At this point I usually forget what scared me and I look like a buffoon. If a tremor happens during morning I'll either flail my arms at nothing trying to swipe the aggressor away or I'll jump it with my sheets, trap it inside, and realize I'm punching the poo poo out of an empty blanket.

The "thing" in this illusion or whatever always seems to be a parasitic fly insect (I have a small fear of parasitic creatures like mosquito, worms, and leeches) that is filthy and about the size of a spread out hand not counting for its leg span. It has a bunch of similarities to the depiction of Beelzebub(aka the Lord of the Flies), one of the seven princes of Hell. I could never remember what it looked like until yesterday, where I saw it coming for me and I was trying to loudly point it out to anyone in earshot. The beast may have flown away and phased into my dresser, but after pointing at it my memory of what happened after went blank.

It's obviously all bullshit in my head, but makes for an interesting idea. How do I beat up Satan so I can get some sleep? How can I induce dreaming? Is it actually feasible to tape LED pingpong balls to my face?

# ? Mar 18, 2017 03:48

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Dream goon, have you tried sleeping with some sort of white noise going on? I get bad nightmares and night terrors too (used to have maybe 3-4 a week and 1 or 2 night terrors a month), but I started putting on rain noises and sleeping with a fan on and haven't had any in a couple of months. Doubt there's any scientific reason for that, but it seems to have worked pretty well for me.

edit:
Also trepanning goon, send a pic so we can see how gross it is!

Solice Kirsk fucked around with this message at 04:00 on Mar 18, 2017

# ? Mar 18, 2017 03:57

SnoozeOrder: Aug 2, 2016

Trepanation is metal as gently caress and I'm glad you are enjoying your skull-hole but I'm sad to say I'm pretty sure the hole is supposed to heal over with skin and also not accumulate "gross bits" but what do I know.

Other 'fesher I recommend trepanation.

# ? Mar 18, 2017 04:00

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

i think im gonna puke

# ? Mar 18, 2017 04:10

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

You'd think three months would be enough time for the hole to heal up and not be gross anymore. Maybe you should put a piece of screen or something over it so insects don't get in it?

# ? Mar 18, 2017 04:13

Leave: Feb 7, 2012; Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Maybe you should put a piece of screen or something over it so insects don't get in it?

I'm picturing a piss poor Batman villain right now.

# ? Mar 18, 2017 04:17

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Holes in your skull are to let pressure out that is due to brain swelling. It is a temporary medical treatment, definitely not a permanent one. An open, festering hole leading to your brain is a great way to get a fatal bacterial infection. And no, your brain can't "breathe" through a hole in your head. It doesn't diffuse gasses well enough to form a gradient.

Dream goon (*dr drew voice*) how old were you when you were molested?

# ? Mar 18, 2017 15:13

Waffle!: Aug 6, 2004; I Feel Pretty!

Head Like a Hole, do your own lobotomy while you're at it.

# ? Mar 18, 2017 17:58

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The most annoying thing about that confession to me is that he tells us to google trepanning but then defines it for us anyway.

# ? Mar 18, 2017 18:06

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

Hey all. i'm an ex-addict that's managed to stay clean for almost two years now except i just bought a half gram of heroin and no longer give a poo poo about anything anymore. i'm 26 years old, got a dui (for weed) and a conviction of possession of drug paraphernalia (for a weed pipe) both when i was 18. this poo poo has been haunting me for the past eight years and there's nothing i can do to get away from it. the only job I can get is as a security guard and it's not full time, and no company will ever give me my armed guard certification because they don't want you to immediately quit and then get a better job with it. now my company sprung this bullshit on me where I have to carry a company phone and send a report through it every fifteen minutes along with a picture of what i'm doing, plus it tracks you with GPS your whole shift and they call me and hound me whenever they think i'm not doing enough (enough of what you ask? isn't security just kicking it until something goes down? yeah exactly, it's bullshit). to get a normal driver's license again I need to have sr-22 insurance for a period of three years. if there's a lapse in the insurance, the three year period starts over, your license gets suspended, and you need to pay upwards of 200 dollars to reinstate it. i've had three lapses in insurance, all through no fault of my own (i swear on my life these were due to some kind of error on behalf of the insurance company) and finally this last time I wasn't able to afford the reinstatement, so I currently don't have a driver's license and am driving around illegally which makes me paranoid as gently caress because if i get pulled over and my car gets towed my whole life will be ruined. also there are a ton of security (and other kinds of jobs) positions that I'm not eligible for without my driver's license.

anyway my whole life i've been super into aviation. i was a civil air patrol cadet and all that nerdy poo poo as a child. recently there was a nevada national guard position open for 15T MOS which is blackhawk helicopters. this is apparently one of the only MOSs with good civilian jobs because there is a civilian equivalent to the blackhawk which is very popular, and I live in an area with tons of aviation jobs. I spoke to a recruiter and it seemed like it was really possible for me to get this position. I would have loved nothing more in the world than to work with loving helicopters. it's always been my dream. as it currently stands I've never even flown in a loving plane before because I've been poor my whole life. just dreamed and dreamed of it. anyway the recruiter said he would need to get a waiver for my criminal record but that it was no big deal. I scored really well on the ASVAB which is the test they give you to see what jobs you qualify for and he said I was a good candidate. I've always tested extremely well and I know it's just a military thing so the bar is low but I was extremely proud of my test score and haven't been this proud of a test score since I got a perfect score on my GED after I dropped out of HS so I could get a job and help my mom and dad out.

anyway eventually the recruiter stopped answering my calls and wouldn't return them, even after I left him a few messages. so I called another NV guard office and the lady basically told me right off the bat that with my criminal history they wouldn't be able to take me and that I should try big army or one of the other branches. I can't do this. I can't uproot my life like this. my family needs me and also I'm 26 years old and not willing to derail my life for so long this late in the game. i've already derailed my loving life enough. ten months of basic followed by fifteen months of AIT and then back home to my life sounded just perfect. I wanted this national guard poo poo so. loving. bad. i've never wanted anything more in my life. it was my dream job and a way for me to finally make up for the fact that I have no education or skills and spent two and a half years loving up my life as a heroin addict. I blocked my number and called the original recruiter I was talking to and of-loving-course he answers right the gently caress away. he proceeded to tell me basically the same thing that recruiter #2 had told me: the guard can't take me with my record.

do you have any idea how much of a loving loser I feel like now that i've been told that not even the military will take me? I hung up with the recruiter and the next call I made was to an old friend of mine who luckily still had the same number. He gave me my old dealer's new number and within fifteen minutes the dealer's driver was pulling into my building's parking lot. So I guess my confession is that I no longer care about anything anymore. I'm so ridiculously high right now and it's better than I've felt in years.

quote:

When I moved in to my dorm before my freshman year of college, I knew I was going to have some issues with my roommate. He was awkward, he had already hung anime wallscrolls all over the dorm, and he greeted us by saying Konnichiwa. He was also a pale, kind of chubby white kid. My mom helped me move my stuff in and my roommate, Nathan, helped out a bit too. He kept flirting awkwardly with my mom, saying stuff like "Oh i Had no idea my roommate had a cute sister" and "I'll bet all the frat boys were whistling at you!". It was gross and weird and inappropriate and I eventually asked him to cut it out.

That first night was a Friday before class started on Monday, and my mom stayed in a hotel room. She planned to stick around Saturday and then head home Saturday night. Nathan and I tried bonding, but it was hard because he just kept talking about anime, cards against humanity, and awkwardly asking about my mom. My mom is single and had been since I was in elementary school, and this seemed to intrigue Nathan a lot.

Saturday morning comes and Mom and I head out to explore some local stuff and get lunch. Nathan says he wishes he had family that cared to take him out, and my mom invites him. So Nathan comes with us, and the whole day is awkward. He shows us some things on campus and keeps putting his hand on my mom's back to lead her around. We eventually get dinner and Nathan pays for everybody, after which he says "I could get used to treating a woman like you."

That evening I go back to the dorm with Nathan, and mom gets ready to head home. 5 minutes later Nathan's phone buzzes, and he lets out this weird "OOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOO" sound when he reads it. He bolts out the door and is gone for about 30 minutes. When he comes back he pats me on the back really hard and says "How ya doin son" and starts laughing this high pitched weird laugh.

Flash forward to the next week, and I'm calling my mom to check in. Mom asks me if I'm in the room alone, and I am - Nathan's at anime club 4 nights a week. She confesses everything - that she found Nathan really charming and flattering and ended up "making out in the car" with him. I blurt out "What the gently caress mom?" and she starts crying and says how lonely she's been and he was so nice to her.

When Nathan came back after anime club I confronted him and he claimed that not only did they make out, but they had sex and he "shot a full load" without a condom. I punched him in the face then, campus security was called, and long story short - I'm in a new dorm and I'm under academic probation. No big deal and I'm better off without that freak around.

I trust my mom more than I trust him of course - I think he's a weird virgin kid who exaggerated his (possibly only?) physical contact to be something more. But it definitely has strained my relationship with my mom.

# ? Mar 18, 2017 18:23

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

smoke weed everyday

# ? Mar 18, 2017 18:25

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Mom's a slut, so what?

# ? Mar 18, 2017 18:28

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# ? May 10, 2024 19:30

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

I personally would like to know how many 'mlad'ys where tossed around before he tossed her salad

# ? Mar 18, 2017 18:30

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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