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whiter than a Wilco show posted:Itt goons unironically explain which female movie stars they would not bang. Up next: who has the ugliest thumbs Megan Fox. edit: 
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Mar 31, 2017 23:34
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quote:My childhood home burnt down when I was 8 years old. My parents had insurance but they lost 20+ years of memories and the next few months were hell since we had to live in a hotel room while we looked for a more permanent house and the insurance went through. quote:I've never had sex, never been on a date, never kissed a girl. That's normal if you're like 12 years old, but I'm significantly older than that. I'm 43 and realizing that it'll never happen for me. yeah this is like literally the exact premise of The 40-Year-Old Virgin
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Apr 1, 2017 02:19
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Maybe start dating 60+ year olds, they'll be grateful and won't care if you're a spergin' virgin
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Apr 1, 2017 02:23
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I wouldn't worry about the fire, that oven sounds like an unsafe p o s anyhow
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Apr 1, 2017 02:25
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Hey virgin dude, haven't you see that movie the 40 year old virgin?
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Apr 1, 2017 03:12
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My older bro had one of those creepy crawlers things it was pretty rad. Anyways fire goon your parents probably know exactly what caused the fire and just aren't telling you because they probably think you don't know what you did and don't want you to feel like poo poo.
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Apr 1, 2017 03:17
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Jimmy Hats posted:My older bro had one of those creepy crawlers things it was pretty rad. Yeah, pretty much.
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Apr 1, 2017 03:52
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EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. IT’S DRAGON BALL Z AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, GOKU. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. CALLING OUT MY ATTACKS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME SAIYAN BASTARDS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED AN EXPLODING PLANET NAMEK. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng
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Apr 1, 2017 04:11
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EVERY MORNING I OPEN PALM SLAM A NINTENDO POWER MAGAZINE INTO MY EZ BAKE OVEN. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED AN EXPLODING HOUSE. BUT I CAN.
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Apr 1, 2017 04:23
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H.H posted:I recently met a redhead who legally changed her first name to "Ginge". Yeah. Ginge Minge would be a great pornstar name
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Apr 1, 2017 04:33
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Tiberius Thyben posted:I imagine everyone I think about loving in 100 years, when they are nothing but desiccated flesh and bones. All is dust, and sex is pointless. same but only because i can't cum if i don't
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Apr 1, 2017 04:50
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quote:My office job is really boring, my boss works 3 states over, and so a lot of us take long breaks throughout the day to run errands and stuff. I have had jobs like this. Never actually left to go to the movies, but at one point I had a job where if I did literally jack poo poo in a given day but browse GBS nobody would have noticed. What I say every time it comes up is that it's fine for a while but you WILL slowly go insane quote:I was a failure in the United States. I was a standup comic in the late 90s/early 2000s. I had a small amount of fame and got on Letterman one time, but it was all downhill after that. I had a drinking problem and hosed over a bunch of club owners who booked me. So they stopped booking me. Eventually I was doing poo poo like radio ads for car dealerships, commercials for erectile dysfunction medication, and working as an extra on TV shows. Google doesn't turn up anything, but I guess a minor Russian comedian with a not-very-Googleable name wouldn't be easy to find anyway
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Apr 1, 2017 13:24
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Making half a million as a comedian in the US would be hard enough to believe, but in Russia? Unless you're Putin's personal jester (and even then), you're full of it. Divide that number by 10 and it might be more believable.
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Apr 1, 2017 13:32
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poo poo, I'm not funny in the US. Maybe I should be a comedian in Russia.
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Apr 1, 2017 13:45
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Do comedians go to other countries to reinvent themselves? American comedy doesn't tend to do very well in other countries, particularly non-English speaking ones.
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Apr 1, 2017 15:00
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Fat guys flopping around will never not be funny. We miss you Chris Farley.
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Apr 1, 2017 15:13
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Whackoff Beerknob the American comedian comin to a samovar near u
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Apr 1, 2017 15:55
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Hahaha 500K/yr in Russia? More like 50 potatoes a year. For an April Fools fesh I'd expect more than the minimum  .
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Apr 1, 2017 16:22
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quote:My child is literally the only thing in my life that brings me any sort of happiness. My brain is so riddled with ADHD/anxiety/depression (not diagnosed, so I'm just guessing) and I can't afford to talk to someone for any great length of time, unless two sessions can fix it or at least start to. you should probably try and actually get that diagnosis, just sayin quote:Every guy wants to be the guy who can blow themselves. I think that might be even harder, just on a spine-curvature basis
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Apr 2, 2017 03:21
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Useless goon: get your head out of your rear end. You have a child that is suffering because of your narcissism. Stop thinking about yourself and do what they need done. All the anxiety is from spending your time thinking about yourself. Think about what your child needs and do it.
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Apr 2, 2017 03:27
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Anxiety/ADHD/Depressed goon, uhhh go talk to a professional. Your spouse will find the fact that you're taking steps to actually try and improve heartening, and you might actually be able to be a good parent for your child if you do so. Also you're not a professional head doctor so dont diagnose yourself.
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Apr 2, 2017 03:32
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Hahaha titty gently caress your own cock amazing, amazing, when the thread delivers it loving delivers
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Apr 2, 2017 03:36
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Lmao if you can't tittyfuck your own cock in 2017, like, how do you even live
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Apr 2, 2017 03:39
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No way that "tittyfuck your own cock" post isn't from Tonetta.
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Apr 2, 2017 03:47
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loquacius posted:
Depends. How big a tiddie we talkin?
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Apr 2, 2017 03:54
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Please answer using the standard scale, which from smallest to largest goes: - big tiddies - big ol' tiddies - tig ol' biddies (Note that "ol'" does not imply age but is simply a modifier correlating to size)
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Apr 2, 2017 04:05
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if your cock is so big you can gently caress your own tits, you're never going to be able to fit it inside someone.
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Apr 2, 2017 04:33
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loquacius posted:boring office job I have a job like this. My advice is to get a job on the side you can do on company time using their computers. For instance, I wrote a few seminar papers. That helps to keep you sane, though in the long run it's not enough. Mycroft Holmes posted:if your cock is so big you can gently caress your own tits, you're never going to be able to fit it inside someone. if your cock is so big, why would you need someone else?
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Apr 2, 2017 07:13
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quote:My wife dropped a bombshell on me this weekend - when she dies, I am not to remarry or even date. She believes that marriage is a one time thing and that you marry your soulmate. When they die, you become a widow or widower and that's it. I'm gonna default to "your wife is going through a lot right now", don't hold this against her but yeah I also wouldn't let your life just kinda be over quote:My husband is constantly flirting with both men and women and refuses to change despite me voicing my concerns. Yeah he's definitely at least into dudes, not necessarily 100% gay though
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Apr 2, 2017 13:44
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That first situation is the kind of thing you just say "ok sure" and then forget about it. Even in the unlikely event you have to put your promise to the test, what's she going to do if you go back on it, haunt you? Her family might think you're a dick but as long as you're not hooking up with someone else at the funeral and give it time most of them will probably understand. If not, again, who cares? It's your life. Second one, some people are just like that. Maybe he's bisexual, but as long as he is remaining faithful to you it shouldn't bother you so much. Just because he may like dudes doesn't mean he's more likely to cheat on you.
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Apr 2, 2017 13:52
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Play posted:Ginge Minge would be a great pornstar name She was merely OK on Ru Paul's Drag Race season 7.
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Apr 2, 2017 13:56
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when I die nobody can post here no more. love u.
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Apr 2, 2017 14:01
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btw I got some real bad cancer and this ten bux is binding forever and after
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Apr 2, 2017 14:03
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husband gay so what
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Apr 2, 2017 14:03
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yeah I eat rear end posted:That first situation is the kind of thing you just say "ok sure" and then forget about it. Even in the unlikely event you have to put your promise to the test, what's she going to do if you go back on it, haunt you? Her family might think you're a dick but as long as you're not hooking up with someone else at the funeral and give it time most of them will probably understand. If not, again, who cares? It's your life. It feels weird that I am seriously recommending that someone lie to their dying wife, but it's honestly the most sensible course of action here yeah
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Apr 2, 2017 14:20
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The dying wife thing was a Kay & Peele sketch.
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Apr 2, 2017 14:22
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Does your gay husband still wreck ur pussy? If so he sounds like a keeper
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Apr 2, 2017 14:30
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I don't see the problem with soon to be dead wife. Unless she had super obvious crazy beliefs before the cancer took over, she's probably just freaking out. Plus, I mean, she'll be dead. There's gently caress all she can do. She literally won't even know. Promise her you wont date, take care of her till she's gone, spend some time grieving and taking care of you/your emotions, then go out and smash some strange. She dies thinking you're a perfect husband, you get to be comfortable knowing you did as much as any reasonable person could do AND eventually get to play the dead wife sympathy card when its time to find a new girlfriend. Everybody wins.
grumplestiltzkin fucked around with this message at 18:24 on Apr 2, 2017 |
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Apr 2, 2017 17:35
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yeah I eat rear end posted:That first situation is the kind of thing you just say "ok sure" and then forget about it. Even in the unlikely event you have to put your promise to the test, what's she going to do if you go back on it, haunt you? Her family might think you're a dick but as long as you're not hooking up with someone else at the funeral and give it time most of them will probably understand. If not, again, who cares? It's your life. Conversely, tell her "Till death do us part, I'm holding up my end. Once you're gone your friend Paige and I are moving to Miami." I'm sure she'll enjoy the bit of levity in her time of need.
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Apr 2, 2017 17:47
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| # ? May 25, 2024 17:55 |
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pee pee poo poo
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Apr 2, 2017 18:33
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