SA's Greatest Sagas: careful that's a load-bearing slur

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Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I was looking it up and my arrogant rear end got caught up laughing at my own non-trip report posts in the online dating thread. Where do I come up with this stuff????

But uhh, here:

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

So my date last night changed the venue after meeting me in person. "Oh we can't go to the bar because I lied on my profile, I'm actually 19." That's...awkward. I tried to have a good time anyway since it's not like I had other plans that night but geez, not much in common there. At one point we walked by a playground and I commented that adults weren't allowed in NYC playgrounds without a child present and she was just like "I am a child". I'm not sure if it was supposed to be a joke but...ick. Online dating loving rules. Should I be able to tell the difference between 19 and 23 from pictures?

# ? Apr 12, 2017 23:29

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# ? May 17, 2024 13:54

Randaconda: Jul 3, 2014; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Online dating has had a very strange influence on my life but I haven't stopped yet!!

Why don't you take a seat over here?

# ? Apr 12, 2017 23:31

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

oldpainless posted:

There's a word for that

more like oldhansen

e: ^^gently caress

# ? Apr 12, 2017 23:35

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I was looking it up and my arrogant rear end got caught up laughing at my own non-trip report posts in the online dating thread. Where do I come up with this stuff????

But uhh, here:

dont feel bad friend, ok cupid had an 18 year old bringing her mom to a nightclub for a first date once. the most goddamn awkward thing ever.

E: allegedly 25 mind you. just to get that out of the way

# ? Apr 12, 2017 23:39

Scudworth: Jan 1, 2005; When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.; Dinosaur Gum

sneakyfrog posted:

dont feel bad friend, ok cupid had an 18 year old bringing her mom to a nightclub for a first date once. the most goddamn awkward thing ever.

E: allegedly 25 mind you. just to get that out of the way

Go on

# ? Apr 13, 2017 00:33

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Scudworth posted:

Go on

.. I did the classic bathroom then vacate the premises maneuver like a proper man confronted with a not as advertised kiddo with x's on her hands at a night club toting her mom.

who the gently caress does that.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 00:37

ToxicSlurpee: Nov 5, 2003; -=SEND HELP=-; Pillbug

sneakyfrog posted:

.. I did the classic bathroom then vacate the premises maneuver like a proper man confronted with a not as advertised kiddo with x's on her hands at a night club toting her mom.

who the gently caress does that.

Humans are weird.

Just the way it is.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 00:51

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

sneakyfrog posted:

.. I did the classic bathroom then vacate the premises maneuver like a proper man confronted with a not as advertised kiddo with x's on her hands at a night club toting her mom.

who the gently caress does that.

I tell myself this is why I don't date.

_{It's actually because no body will love me}

# ? Apr 13, 2017 01:15

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

Sanford posted:

Yeah it's a different guy, the straight edge guy had an amazing bit where the girl said something like "Hey, it's Greg, right?" And he went "NO ACTUALLY IT'S GREGORY" or some such. Didn't it end with the boyfriend threatening to murder him if he ever saw him again?

Syd Midnight posted:

I think the beer part is from another story, the narrator of that one met the girl he was totally in love with at a party, but when she offered him a beer he panicked and screamed "I'M STRAIGHT EDGE!", slapped it out of her hand, burst into tears, and ran away.

I might be confusing it with yet another one but I think on an earlier occasion he saw her at the mall and started talking to her. When she offered him some Dr Pepper he said "I don't drink that poison", which got a funny look and an "umm, ok" from her, but he'd thought he might still have a chance to make a good impression.

Here it is.

https://www.somethingawful.com/great-goon-database/great-goon-best/8/

quote:

Buying-Bid posted:

Two days ago (sunday night) I cried myself to sleep. This girl (I will refer to her as Sarah) I have been obsessed with since 3rd grade threw a birthday party on saturday, it was a pretty casual house party, so people brought friends along, of course I was not invited (no girl would ever invite me to a party), but my friend asked me to come along, and of course I jumped at the opportuinity.

Around an hour into the party, it happened that me and Sarah were alone in the kitchen while others danced and talked in the living room. I was there to get a drink, and when I came in and saw her by the fridge, a deep shocking, sinking feeling almost paralysed me with fear, as I just stood there staring at her for about 5 seconds (I am absolutely TERRIFIED of females, especially Sarah, I had no idea she would be in there alone). When she looked at me I quickly glanced away in shame. After about 10 awkward seconds of me staring at the floor and her standing there awkwardly, she finally spoke.

"Uh, hi, you're frank, right?"
"No. Francis."
"Oh, but it's frank for short, right?"
"No."
"Sorry, I must have you confused with someone else."

I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Want a drink?"
"Yeah. Thanks.

She handed me a beer.

"I'M STRAIGHT EDGE!!"

I just tried to tell her I was straight edge (and therefore didn't drink), but I was so nervous when she approached me physically that it came out in what sounded like a confontational shout which totally wasn't what I intended.

"Sorry, uh there's a diet pepsi if you like"
"I don't drink diet soft drinks, they are carginogens."
"Oh.."

I couldn't stand the fear of being near her any more, so I scurried away and (again in that nervous shout) blurted out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and heard her say "thanks" as I walked back into the living room, up the stairs and into the bathroom where I literally collapsed and started shivering on the floor with fear, tears came from my eyes. After about 5 minutes of just lying there I composed myself and went downstairs again. For the rest of the party I pretty much avoided her and talked with some people I knew.

When me and my friend got back home to my house and played a little PS2 for about half an hour, he left and I said bye. It was at this point I realised he had left his cell phone. As I was about to call him to tell him, it suddenly struck me that he probably had Sarah's number on his phone. I literally sat there for 45 minutes shivering with both anticipation and fear as I saw the number across the screen, begging me to call.

Simple. I'd just call her up, apologise for the awkwardness and ask her if she wanted to get coffee some time. The only problem was this was about the scariest thing imaginable. I felt my body ache with fear as I tried to press the "CALL" button on the cell phone several times but was too scared. I got a disconnecting feeling as if none of this was actually happening to me, like maybe it was all a dream. When I finally got the courage to call, my heart raced as I heard the dial tone.

"Hello?"
"Hey, sorry about earlier, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee some time ?(WHAT THE gently caress was I thinking??)"
"Sorry, who is this calling?"

I (stupidly) hadn't anticipated she would ask who it was. the question caught me totally off guard. I thought of just saying my name, or giving a fake name, or shouting out "your worst loving nightmare", or avoiding the question, and a host of other ideas over the course of about 5 seconds. I was too stunned to even reply.

Another 5 seconds of silence.

"Are you still there?"
"Yeah...sorry, I.. it's"
"Oh, Francis right?
I was silent again
"Sorry yeah, I - I'm pretty busy lately but maybe- uh I'll call you another time if i get time to go out uh (I could regognize that she had no intention of calling me), what's your number?"
I gave her my number.
"Ok, well bye!"
"Bye."

As I hung up and put the phone down, the realization of what had just happened hit me like a wrecking ball, I collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep with exaustion. About 5 minutes later I get a call.

"Hello?"
A male voice.
"Is this francis?"
"Yeah uh who is this?"
"I'm just calling to give you a friendly warning, stay away from Sarah, okay? She's my girlfriend, and she has no interest in you whatsoever, you're a creep."

The realization and jealousy that she had a boyfriend, coupled with the shock and unexpectedness of this call filled me with rage.

"gently caress YOU YOU MOTHER F-UNCLE FUNK" I stuttered incomprehensibly with rage.
"Man you're hosed up in the head aren't you. I'm WARNING you, stay away."

He hung up.

I literally let out a massive scream of both sadness jealousy anger and fear that gripped my entire body. I went to bed and got about 2 hours of sleep.

The next (sunday) morning, I got up feeling like absolute poo poo. As I always do to when I feel terrible, I force myself to walk outside, go to the mall (5 min walk) where there are lots of people, and buy something or run into someone I know. I couldn't find anyone I knew, so I bought a milkshake and walked out the front enterance, where I saw something that made my heart skip.

Sarah and some guy (probably her boyfriend?) walking into the mall. I saw her glance with shock at me and quickly look away trying to make it seem as if she hadn't noticed me. I rushed towards her.

"SARAH!" I shouted

Her boyfriend turned around with shock and saw me.

"ARE YOU FRANCIS?" he asked angrily.

I stood there staring.

"Get out of here man, we don't want anything to do with you, understand?"

"gently caress YOU, THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY!"

As a rage overcameme me, I rushed forward and threw my milkshake as hard as I possibly could at the bastard, totally missing him and tripping over myself in the process. What happened next was the worst feeling I had ever felt.

Sarah stood there laughing at me. The expression on her beautiful face, half disgust half laughter made me feel terrible like I never imagined I could. I hated her guts at that moment.

"YOU oval office!" I yelled.

Her eyes widened, even her boyfriend looked shocked and the three of us stood there staring for maybe 5 seconds.

"YOU MOTHER loving oval office!!" I yelled as I rushed at her. She made made me feel so terrible it physically hurt in my stomach. I was about to loving attack her. I couldn't believe it. It was like some force was controlling me and like I had no control at all. God loving drat I'm stupid when I'm angry and upset. Before I could reach her, her boyfriend grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me to the ground.

"JUST GET OUT OF HERE YOU loving WEIRDO AND BE THANKFUL I DONT loving KILL YOU!!"

I rushed for him with every ounce of anger and strength in my body and groaned as his fist connected with my tummy, winding and incapacitating me. He stared for a second, as if he hadn't expected me to be so easily beaten, before he and Sarah both ran off in a panic. I knew there was no way I could take him, and that he probably went to go get security. These facts, coupled with my crippling social awkwardness and the fact that people all over were staring at me like some kind of freak caused me to run home, totally defeated, clutching my tummy.

That night I considered suicide. My parents aren't home until next week and I felt an aching loneliness. I never went through with it, but have been left crippled emotionally. I havn't gone to school either today or yesterday. My parents will kill me when they get home. I'm a loving failure of a human being.

Bonus goons

quote:

I just got fired in a somewhat epic way. What started as a simple joke (although a stupid, tasteless and sick one) culminated in my being fired, labelled a MONSTER, yelled and cursed at and even physically threatened.

So I was working for a software/video-games QA company in Montreal. Pretty laid back place with a mixed up bunch of young people... some really great ones, some crazies, some weirdos and some who were just plain creepy. This really short asian guy for example, his creepiness level was high enough to rival Brian Peppers'. Awkward, never speaks to anyone, carries a foot stool around, had pictures of all the female employees on his computer, brings lolicon figurines to work... I mean, I could recount a hundred anecdotes to illustrate how creepy this guy is, but he's only a small part of the story here so let's just call him Henry and move on.

Well, Henry was fired last week for reasons unknown and a few days ago, as I was walking out the office with a friend, we were discussing this. Eventually, one of the theories I came up with is that he was a pedo child kidnapper. He doesn't really fit the profile but he's still creepy as hell... And then I saw IT, right in front of me: the SUGGESTION BOX!!! A place to write down all my crazy sick thoughts of the moment in total anonymity!

So I grab the pen, check the "complaint" box and write:

name: Henry
"Cedrika is in my basement, I grow tired of her whining, lol"

<< Cedrika is a 9yo girl who's gone missing some weeks ago. She's all over the news all the time. If you're offended, I'll understand.

I think they emptied the box 2-3 days later and my "complaint" quickly made its way to the big boss. So I came in today, completely oblivious to what I'd set in motion (in truth, I'd forgotten about it entirely) and went about my daily work... Then the big boss barges into the room, flanked by the chief of security man-hating lesbian, and my heart just ties into a knot because in his hand is a folded piece of paper which I instantly recognize. "What the gently caress have I done ?" I tell myself. He starts talking but I'm too shaken to register the words. I can tell he's reading the paper to everyone and looks incredibly pissed. He's also a parent, French and a condescending bastard, so you can imagine how angry he must've been. Well anyway he declared a witch hunt and said that he'd get the cops involved and that the culprit had better come forward blablabla loving other crazy poo poo nonsense. They had a couple ways of finding out who did it but I wanted to keep my job so I took my chances and kept my mouth shut.

Well anyway, for the next few hours I could see they were all investigating this pretty seriously so I knew I was pretty much toast. Later on, a general meeting was called by the boss, and an ultimatum was set. I would have to come forward or else he would go through every employee one by one, while EVERYONE ELSE is in the cafeteria, and check their handwriting. Sure I could fake my handwriting but they've got other sources to verify it (tests I've taken, forms, etc) so I thought I pretty much had no choice but to turn myself in.

I went to his office 10 min later and was greeted with a "I knew it was you". He seemed pretty calm but then he immediately started to insult me and grew more and more agitated. I just stood there taking the insults and thinking to myself "How the hell do I formulate a defense against this moron ? How can I begin to explain my "humor" to him ?". Then he said "I should HIT you for what you did" and that kinda snapped me out of my daze. Whoa, hit me ? I mean, I KNOW it was wrong, I KNOW it was unprofessional, I think firing me is overreacting, but if you want to hit me, you're a loving psycho. We were standing kinda halfway out of his office and all the doors were opened, so about 7 other people could see/hear the scene. I didn't even place a single sentence and he kept going. At one point his teary-eyed wife, who also works there, dragged him in another office... I guess because she thought he really might've hit me. The other few witnesses just looked at me as if I had a huge "MONSTER" brand in the middle of the forehead.

After that I really felt like poo poo. I thought things couldn't have turned out worse; karma or luck or whatever had failed utterly. Even in my worst case scenario from a few hours earlier I wasn't expecting things to end this badly, and that fact alone bummed me out pretty bad.

I sat down in the HR girl's office to sign some bullshit paperwork that said I was an evil person. I had a minor breakdown then because I was just shocked at how things had snowballed out of proportions. I talked to a few people on the way out and then left. I feel pretty good now though. I'm still a student and it wasn't a particularly good job anyway. Oh well, good luck Cedrika

quote:

Oh, for gently caress's sake... here we go again.

Your "guess" is completely wrong. Just because animals can't talk doesn't mean they can't give consent. Animals have teeth, claws and can give audible warnings (growling, hissing, etc.) to voice their opposition to a sex act being performed on them. Also, many animals are quite intelligent and have a much faster neurodevelopmental rate than humans, reaching mental adulthood at extremely young ages by human standards. Finally, many animals are fully grown at much younger ages than humans, so they're physically prepared for sex at younger ages.

Comparing animals to children is absolutely ridiculous, and in some ways even insulting to animals. Please do your homework before adopting a stance on an issue you got from a blatantly-conservative source.

quote:

just wondering if you guys played orgasm wars with each other when younger, but not in a gay way?

like just to showoff and race and show your superiority or something cavelike?

not sexy or anything but just a race to see who could shoot first and whoever did was allowed to spray the other as a sign of shame kind of.

i used to play this game with many, i won some and lost some. kind of funny thinkin back on it, when the winner used to cum he would run after the other guy trying to get his sperma all over the other one, hopefully making him change clothes, etc.

then the other guy cummed, then cleaned it up and it was over. no gay feelings or talk. guys also used to do this for fun outdoor like on top of a roof or something, trying to hit a target and or person/animal below.

quote:

I had this cloth jester puppet that I liked to use to entertain my little cousins. One day I was just idly fiddling with it in my bedroom when a brief thought came to mind: "Wouldn't it be funny to puppet play with your dick?" So after looking through a few magazines I had stored under my bed, I placed the fellow 'pon my erect member. It was actually pretty boring, but at this point I realized I had a decent vagina substitute. It needed to be lined with tissue on the inside to prevent friction from burning my fellow up, but after some lotion application, it worked just fine.

So there I was, humpin' a puppet while squeezing its midsection as if my life depended on it, when I hear a knock at my door. I begin to say "just a minute" when my dad walks in. He's frozen in place for a moment so I just scream the first half-excuse that comes to mind.

"Jeez it's chilly in here!"

He turns around and slowly leaves the room, quietly muttering that Kerry (a friend I had a crush on at the time) was waiting for me on the porch. Finishing up, I fix myself up and dazedly wander out onto the porch. She wants to talk about something going on at her house, but I'm on the verge of tears in shame. My stomach is twisting and turning and I notice that sour feeling in my cheeks before I can do anything but make a futile attempt to relieve myself in a non-humiliating way. I lean in to her face and quietly say while she's mid-sentence, "I've got to loving throw up."

I then try to run into my house, end up slipping on the rug inside, and fall right on my stomach. I throw up (though it was actually pretty small and mostly liquid as I hadn't eaten much that day) and start sobbing afterwards. She's just staring at me, and I can tell she half wants to comfort me and half wants to run away. My dad has come into the hallway where he could see me and is just standing there and looking at me with pure shame. I just kept sobbing.

On a positive note, I ended up selling the puppet at a yard sale to a really sweet autistic kid who lived in the neighborhood, so hopefully someone now has fond memories of that thing.

quote:

About three months ago I bought a pizza from the local supermarket and decided that eating it in the park over the road might be nice for a change of scenery, so I walked over there and sat down at a bench. At the next one over, there was a group of teenagers drinking and smoking and having a quiet chat.

Now, as soon as I sat down I felt uncomfortable, but it was too late to move so I just kept eating my pizza.

About ten seconds later, one of the taller guys comes over and stands next to me. I thought he was about to make fun of me or something, but when I looked over at his friends they were all preoccupied with themselves, so I looked up at him.

"Yo, [INCOHERENT], you got any weed?"

This guy had no expression on his face at all. He looked like a loving statue. I didn't want any trouble from him, and I didn't have any drugs, so I figured that if I just gave him the rest of my pizza he'd leave me alone.

Anyway, as soon as I gave him the pizza he started laughing. He turned back to his friends, laughing and shaking his head, and then turned back around and handed me the pizza. Then he said something incoherent again and punched me in the shoulder.

What the gently caress was going on? I stood up and tossed the pizza just behind him so he would have to turn around and then I just got the gently caress out of there.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 01:17

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲^TM� #ad📢

So did that guy in the first story kill himself?

# ? Apr 13, 2017 01:29

The Chad Jihad: Feb 24, 2007

Oh god I'd forgotten the pizza story

# ? Apr 13, 2017 01:39

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

FactsAreUseless posted:

I forgot he used the phrase "pledged my heart and soul to a girl."

this poor rear end in a top hat was such a complete dweeb in life that even death holds for him no dignity

# ? Apr 13, 2017 01:44

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

oldpainless posted:

So did that guy in the first story kill himself?

Likely. poo poo like that makes me a bit paranoid about raising sons, because holy gently caress, I don't want either of them to turn out like that.

Also, my office is filled with ex-QC/QA employees from various video game companies, that second jackass probably has worked at my company at one point.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 01:49

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

there's no way the first story is true. there just isn't

# ? Apr 13, 2017 01:50

A HUNGRY MOUTH: Nov 3, 2006; date of birth: 02/05/88
manufacturer: mazda
model/year: 2008 mazda6
sexuality: straight, bi-curious
peircings: pusspuss; Nap Ghost

chernobyl kinsman posted:

there's no way the first story is true. there just isn't

I rushed for him with every ounce of anger and strength in my body and groaned as his fist connected with my tummy,

# ? Apr 13, 2017 02:01

A Spider Covets: May 4, 2009

Gloryhold It! posted:

I'm guessing the thinking was that it was like goatse, but yeah.

Lol that's what I get for posting so late at night :downs:

Nckdictator posted:

Here it is.

https://www.somethingawful.com/great-goon-database/great-goon-best/8/

Bonus goons

Reading this was more stressful than watching The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (a good show, but it is painful humor).

# ? Apr 13, 2017 03:10

The Saddest Rhino: Apr 29, 2009; Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.

Nckdictator posted:

Here it is.

https://www.somethingawful.com/great-goon-database/great-goon-best/8/

Bonus goons

i remember these stories because of the "draw the SA Sagas" thread which I think most of the pictures (incl some i did) are lost to internet heaven

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:52

timefly: Apr 29, 2008

Those stories seem like obvious jokes

# ? Apr 13, 2017 08:13

the_american_dream: Apr 12, 2008; GAHDAMN

chernobyl kinsman posted:

there's no way the first story is true. there just isn't

Yea that sarah story is ridiculous. There's no way a guy with issues like that would share that story or coherently write it out like that. Especially without trying to make himself look more like a bad rear end

# ? Apr 13, 2017 08:24

Syd Midnight: Sep 23, 2005

Your Gay Uncle posted:

When I looked down I saw there were only one set of footprints in the sand. I asked you why and that's when you said " because my son that is when I was carrying a printer for 2 miles to get a hug".

Hours later, the younger monk could no longer contain his frustration. "As Monks Going Our Own Way, we don't serve females," he said the older monk, "especially loose acquaintances. It is dangerous. Why, then, did you print out that document for her? You didn't even get a hug."

"My dear brother" said the older monk, "I told her to load it in Publisher and save it as a PDF before emailing it to me. She only used my printer for a moment. Why are you still carrying yours?"

# ? Apr 13, 2017 14:24

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

Syd Midnight posted:

Hours later, the younger monk could no longer contain his frustration. "As Monks Going Our Own Way, we don't serve females," he said the older monk, "especially loose acquaintances. It is dangerous. Why, then, did you print out that document for her? You didn't even get a hug."

"My dear brother" said the older monk, "I told her to load it in Publisher and save it as a PDF before emailing it to me. She only used my printer for a moment. Why are you still carrying yours?"

lol

# ? Apr 13, 2017 15:59

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Syd Midnight posted:

Hours later, the younger monk could no longer contain his frustration. "As Monks Going Our Own Way, we don't serve females," he said the older monk, "especially loose acquaintances. It is dangerous. Why, then, did you print out that document for her? You didn't even get a hug."

"My dear brother" said the older monk, "I told her to load it in Publisher and save it as a PDF before emailing it to me. She only used my printer for a moment. Why are you still carrying yours?"

haha

# ? Apr 13, 2017 16:16

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

A novice was trying to get a hug by carrying a printer for 2 miles. The master, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: �You cannot get hugged by carrying a printer with no understanding of what is going on!�

The master carried the printer.

He got hugged.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 16:18

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.

How can you get a hug with your arms full with printers

# ? Apr 13, 2017 16:38

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:

How can you get a hug with your arms full with printers

very carefully

# ? Apr 13, 2017 16:46

Snow Cone Capone: Jul 31, 2003

My favorite part is how it was apparently a huge heavy printer and not like a 2-pound inkjet

Although goons being goons it wouldn't be impossible that a 2-pound shoebox-sized printer would wear the guy out like he was running a marathon

# ? Apr 13, 2017 16:55

Strategic Tea: Sep 1, 2012

SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:

How can you get a hug with your arms full with printers

-zen-

# ? Apr 13, 2017 17:18

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Carry not thy printer too long, lest it carry thee.

Carthag Tuek has a new favorite as of 18:12 on Apr 13, 2017

# ? Apr 13, 2017 17:54

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

Kelp Me! posted:

My favorite part is how it was apparently a huge heavy printer and not like a 2-pound inkjet

Although goons being goons it wouldn't be impossible that a 2-pound shoebox-sized printer would wear the guy out like he was running a marathon

It's a fairly old story so it probably was a pretty hefty printer

# ? Apr 13, 2017 18:08

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.

Yeah we still get donated those 90s printers at the Goodwill I work at and hoo boy no one wants to be the one to lug it to the pile of lovely computer crap to be recycled

# ? Apr 13, 2017 18:15

Your Gay Uncle: Feb 16, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

Carry on my wayward printer
There'll be hugs when you are done
Lay your weary arms to rest
Don't you cry no more

Ah

Once I rose above the toner and confusion
Just to get a boner beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I could see her boyfriend
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming,
I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward printer,
There'll be panties on the bed when you are done
Lay your weary arms to rest
Don't you print no more

Surely heaven waits for you

# ? Apr 13, 2017 18:47

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Your Gay Uncle posted:

Carry on my wayward printer
There'll be hugs when you are done
Lay your weary arms to rest
Don't you cry no more

Ah

Once I rose above the toner and confusion
Just to get a boner beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I could see her boyfriend
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming,
I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward printer,
There'll be panties on the bed when you are done
Lay your weary arms to rest
Don't you print no more

Surely heaven waits for you

# ? Apr 13, 2017 19:00

Tsaedje: May 11, 2007; BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

What even is scansion anyway?

# ? Apr 13, 2017 19:07

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Tsaedje posted:

What even is scansion anyway?

sometiems u break the rhythm... so u can braek hearts

# ? Apr 13, 2017 19:08

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Syd Midnight posted:

Hours later, the younger monk could no longer contain his frustration. "As Monks Going Our Own Way, we don't serve females," he said the older monk, "especially loose acquaintances. It is dangerous. Why, then, did you print out that document for her? You didn't even get a hug."

"My dear brother" said the older monk, "I told her to load it in Publisher and save it as a PDF before emailing it to me. She only used my printer for a moment. Why are you still carrying yours?"

I resent you.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 19:31

Skarsnik: Oct 21, 2008; I...AM...RUUUDE!

These parables are lovely and all but I still can't find the drat picture :argh:

# ? Apr 13, 2017 19:45

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Elsa posted:

I resent you.

Elsa illustrate the printer saga

# ? Apr 13, 2017 19:52

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Someone should find the e/n comics thread. I have no idea if that was in the waffleimages era or not, but it was great and probably had an illustrated printer goon.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 19:59

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Bobby Digital posted:

Elsa illustrate the printer saga

I feel like I don't deserve to because it was before my time, but I mean. SINCE YOU ASKED

# ? Apr 13, 2017 20:01

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# ? May 17, 2024 13:54

Grandmother of Five: May 9, 2008; I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

I'm pretty sure some pretty neat Atlas-themed printer-carrying art was made, but I have no idea how to find it.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 20:06

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > SA's Greatest Sagas: careful that's a load-bearing slur

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