a little bit of Monica posted:

You really thought a photo of pinched skin would convince us that leprechauns are real?

Maybe check the batteries in your carbon monoxide detector or see a psych.

purple death ray posted:

It's like getting upset at goatse like, yeah it's weird and gross but I've seen it all before and I just can't get too worked up about it. They're part of the weird hosed up fabric of the internet now and I have a hard time imagining it being the same without them.

Besides its 2017 and the perpetually escalating Internet horror machine has given us bronies and feeder fetishists and the alt right and the daddy cummies people so I really don't know why anybody even notices furries anymore

Dodoman posted:

Goatse had a prolapse??

Arrhythmia posted:

no and i was about to comment on this, lol

Hopper posted:

The internet has given a platform for all kinds of idiots and mentally ill people. These crazy people can simply go on the internet and search all the poo poo people post there until they find something that makes them feel special and part of a group instead of a person suffering from mental illness. And then they cling to it like flies to a steaming pile of poo. What they really needs is counseling and treatment.

quote:

Time travel is real, I'm a time traveler, but traveling through time fundamentally destroys both the traveler and time itself. I barely remember who I am or was and have no idea of the full impact of my trip.

I was sent from the year 2058 back to 2007. I was given hundreds of notebooks outlining every last detail of history up to that point, ways to blend in and behave like someone from 2007, things I would know as a normal person in 2007, etc. I was also given the same kind of detailed description of who I was, what history was up until 2058, why I was sent back, and how to eventually get back to 2058. We feared that time travel could mess with memories and the human brain, and this was a backup plan. We were right, but things were even worse off than planned. I only know this stuff because of the note books. As far as I know, my life began when I woke up in bed in 2007.

Again, all of this is from my books. Time travel in 2058 works by "weaving" you into the timeline. They extract some of your DNA from a blood sample. That's cloned to create a Time Husk. That is an organic, but non-living copy of you. That's sent back in time with a Time Tether attached. That's done by bombarding the body with massive amounts of radiation, then exposing it to the Time Window, which is a metal cage filled with unstable nuclear isotopes, tuned to specific frequencies. The frequencies are adjusted to access different times. Your conscious mind is downloaded via the Time Tether into the Time Husk. The Tether dissolved and your actual living body remains in your original time period. When you die in the Time Husk, your consciousness returns to the point it left. Kind of like dreaming.

It sounds like the ravings of a mad man but I have the notebooks to confirm it.

I was sent back to prevent a company called Kondanix from accidentally releasing a more deadly smallpox virus in 2009. I've never heard of Kondanix and didn't do jack poo poo to prevent anything, so I guess mission accomplished? But I think my time travel just erased that company, or maybe the sperm that would grow up to be the CEO, or who knows. Either way Kondanix apparently never existed.

The notebooks tell me lots of things that don't match up with what I remember or what other people say. Who was Michael Finn? Definitely not the 19th man on the moon, who kicked a fieldgoal up there. What are Egg Bees? I've never seen them flying around, let alone hatching out of chicken eggs. Why hasn't the NFL revealed the Hoboken Zephyrs yet? They were supposed to win the Super Bowl in 2011. Who is Daisy Fuentes? Where is the new country of Muurt located? Why haven't half the dogs died of canine aids yet? That was supposed to happen in 2016.

How do I have a life prior to 2007, a job, etc?

Sometimes I worry I had a mental breakdown and wrote this poo poo down and just don't remember it. But it's 500 different notebooks all coated in text, it would have taken me months to write all this. I don't know.

quote:

I long for the day, which is soon I hope, when the bombs fall and society is all blown away and I get to start fresh.

I voted for The Donald TM for that reason, I hope he'd drop The Bomb TM and end it all. Wipe out all the things we built in the blink of an eye, turn us back to the cavemen and set us free. Might still happen but looking less likely each day. To me, at least.

I have thrown away opportunity after opportunity and doomed myself to a poo poo life in a poo poo town and see no escape. Let the fat boys fly and wipe us out. I hear the whistle in my dreams, the nuclear fire goes up and burns away my debts and hopes and dreams and fears and nightmares.

I know we've got a stockpile buried under the desert and I hope that all goes up too. Irradiate the heartland, the breadbasket. Nuke em all for all I care. Leave it all to a new society, leftover from us, having only the strong survive. Maybe it'll be me, maybe not, up to Nucleo the Nuclear God of Fire to decide, haha.

quote:

nukegoon

bradzilla posted:

"I'm a garbageperson and total failure, I hope the world ends because of this. Also I'll be one of the strong survivors and surely won't off myself the second this actually happens "

Hopper posted:

Re: "why not forget about furries" (and other people with new and innovative mental problems): The internet has given a platform for all kinds of idiots and mentally ill people. These crazy people can simply go on the internet and search all the poo poo people post there until they find something that makes them feel special and part of a group instead of a person suffering from mental illness. And then they cling to it like flies to a steaming pile of poo. What they really needs is counseling and treatment.

Just because something that is wrong and a sign of mental illness has been going on for a while, you can't just "let it go". Nothing good ever comes from tolerating things that are wrong.
Would you tolerate kleptomaniacs (also mentally ill people) doing their shoplifting just because people have been doing it for a while?

Hugoon Chavez posted:

Leprechaun goon: in my home country Venezuela they say the only way to scare off a Duende (which I guess would be our version of a polstergeist) is to eat while you poo poo. So bring your hot pockets along when you next take a dump it will work I guarantee it. I eat every meal while pooping and have had zero Duende issues.

Hedrigall posted:

But really who cares

armchairyoda posted:

This is the best advice ever given on these forums and can be applied to 99% of life's problems.

Doctor Malaver posted:

That's the stupidest argument ever since shoplifting=stealing and it can't be tolerated for a variety of reasons.

Les Miserables posted:

Jean Valjean: I stole a loaf of bread. My sister's child was close to death, and we were starving...
Javert Doctor Malaver: You will starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law!

ZombieLenin posted:

Hedrigall posted:

So is Hugh Jackman or Russell Crowe the furry in this situation?

loquacius posted:

Really, a fat body is the best survivalist strategy you can have. It's like a big basement full of canned food, but you don't even have to eat it because it's already eaten

Try and steal THIS food, raiders

loquacius posted:

I think I said I'd do the same thing with money when I was a kid, nice going actually doing it


Good to see a solid, foolproof plan like this one come up

Yorkshire Pudding posted:

Like how basically every Star Trek fan is also a child molester.

Tommy posted:

Furries are best used as a modifier nowadays, like if you are laughing at some weirdo who wants to poop in diapers and have sex with it, you get a higher score if you can say "oh, AND they're a furry". It's like a multiplier in a pinball game

Hugoon Chavez posted:

It also helps with marital problems, it's true.
Take a poo poo with the door open while eating a big plate of spaghetti: bam no more marriage, no more problems!

quote:

I feel like an ambitionless loser. My parents keep asking me when I'll go back and get a PhD and I keep lying, saying once I've done "x" or one I've done "y", I'll get around to it. The thing is, I don't really want to.

I have a lab tech position and although the pay isn't the best, it's relatively safe and stable. I get to have very lax night-owl hours, the people at work are nice, and I enjoy what I do. I do occasionally feel like this is a house of cards that's bound to collapse at some point, and I do worry when there's a slow month here or there, but anyway...

This is great because I have plenty spare time in the evenings to focus on my hobbies. I play chess competitively and have a decent shot at becoming a master in the next few years. I play a couple videogames competitively as well... that's the stuff I live through. My hobbies are my life, my soul, and for me my career is sort of secondary--it just supports my hobbies. I really don't feel the gravitational pull to go back and advance my scientific career in a major way, although I do feel guilty about electing to stay where I am. Honestly if I could quit my job and just play chess all the time and support myself through it somehow, I totally would consider it, but I doubt I'll ever reach that level.

There are other factors at work as well: I'm 30 now. It's kind of late. I've been out of school for so long that I don't know if I can hack it if I go back. I got a 2.5 GPA in undergrad, so I couldn't really hack it before, and that was when I was accustomed to doing that kind of workload. But now I've been spoiled with freedom from the academic grind for so long... I work with PhD students all the time and their lives seem like hell. Why would I subject myself to that? I just don't feel any spark.

It's tough to convey this to my parents though. They have different values. For my Dad, it's all about the money. Anything that doesn't earn money is a waste of time for him. For my Mom it's less about the money itself and more about having enough financial security for the grandkids that she desperately wants from me. I realize I'm a grown rear end man and it doesn't matter what they think, I can do whatever. But still, can't help but feel lovely about it. It's always the issue that comes up whenever I'm with them. There's a bit of rivalry going on I guess. They're measuring me against a cousin who's the same age, who already has a pretty lofty list of accolades under her name. My parents have always pitched me against her and I'm just completely conceding that fight.

Anyway, I feel like a sack of poo poo. There you go.

quote:

Some guy I know might have committed suicide because of something I said to him. I don't think that what I said was solely responsible for it, but it might have been the thing that pushed him over the edge.

The guy was a couple of years ahead of me in high school in the lovely small town where my family moved when I was a freshman. I didn't really know him other than that he was kind of a dick upperclassman whose family owned a business in town; I think it was like a hardware/lumber store or something.

Anyway, I left the town over two decades ago and haven't been back, not even to visit family. Apparently, that guy stayed there after high school and worked at the family business. We have a few friends in common on Facebook; he was a Trump-loving conservative douche who constantly posted poo poo about Libtards and Hilary Clinton and Obama in any conversation. One friend made a political post that I replied to and the guy just started shitposting about how they'd won and we were butthurt sore losers. I Facebook messaged him and said he hadn't won poo poo since he peaked in high school and that he'd have been better off sucking off a revolver after he graduated, plus some other poo poo about his failed relationships.

A couple of days later my Facebook timeline was being filled with former high school classmates going on and on about that guy shooting himself in the head. It turned out that his store had gone out of business and he was in bad financial trouble. He supposedly also had some problems with alcohol and drugs. Given that history, I doubt that my message had anything to do with it and I don't really feel guilty, but I still feel kind of weird about it. I hope that that message isn't still in his Facebook where someone else might see it, too.

Drunken Baker posted:

Let's be fair. It's bound to be a little baggy down there these days.